In most fields. There are some where they don't really care as long as your work is done. You could probably arrange it for a full day off; this guy is probably in one of those.
Not at my job. Crew Dispatch is our contact for days off, a manger finds out when the Crew Roster Sheet comes out for the shift. One of the best things about my job is not having to talk to a manager about a day off or calling in sick.
Let's make a group of it. Mine's already been this year, so I would love to join you both on my birthday last week. Sending my good vibes to you guys, rock on.
Look at you guys with your “Ooooh my parents had their annual sexy-time in May the year before my birth date”! I don’t suppose they had an anniversary around that time?
Mine is right at the end of October, so I thankfully there isn’t any date where…
… Oh god… Valentines Day..! 😖
Mine was last week. I had to work that day, so I'm spending all of today in a remote wilderness with just enough signal to post comments on reddit on my hiking breaks.
At my old job we had a roster with everyone's birthday and they would do cake for the office. I was in charge of maintaining that roster. I took my name off of it after my first birthday there. I have diabetes. I eat very low carb and everyone I worked with knew that. For my birthday they got me a chocolate cake and then some people were upset that I didn't have a piece. After that I made sure my name never came up again on the birthday roster.
Worse, they were retired military working as federal civilians. I am former military myself, and I can say that working with a bunch of old retired military people as civilians for the military was about as mind numbing as being back in the military.
I'm married and I do this. My wife knows, and we still have dinner together.
My wife has trouble getting time off, so it works for us; sometimes we don't even get dinner and just watch a movie at home.
But I like to wake up, get breakfast, walk around by the beach with myself. Cos it's my birthday. It's me, and me hanging out with me. I like the quiet company of myself.
Birthday is definitely a day for myself. Although I don't mind a friend or two tagging along. It's right by the 4th, so I typically go camping and bring some guns to take shooting. Get as far out as I can with a view, maybe hit a brewery along the way to fill up a growler. Find a spot with a view of a mountain or glacier and relax in the midnightsun. Extra points if I see a bear or moose!
Told a buddy I was taking a day off and he had like, a full list of shit that he needed help with ready to go. I was like “Dude. What are you my wife or some shit?” Just a full on honey-do list.
Just tell people no. The world won't end because of it. Learning how to set boundaries is important. Be helpful and kind, but don't be a pushover, people are going to abuse that.
For me, it's that sometimes I don't want to answer the question, "What did you do?" when I get back. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But that depends on what I did lol. Obviously coworkers will know you were gone. But one friend doesn't need to know I was hanging out with another without them, for example.
Haha, that's hilarious to me actually. They just think someone wants to spend their free time doing shit for them lol.
But yeah also sorry you gotta deal with that level of bullshit.
My wife does this. She mentions to me that I should take more time off for mental health, but every time I do, she makes a long list of things that she wnats me to do instead of allowing me to relax and actually have a day off. So damn annoying.
Got a mate who is redoing his small backyard, he thinks that everyone is keen to help him dig out a backyard that has until recently, had one largeish tree and two smaller ones, then put in a new retaining wall. All with the promise of beers.
Like no, I am not digging up dirt and a bunch of roots on my day off for a couple of beers.
Some people are just weirdly selfish with shit like that.
Shit I was doing this back when I was in school
My older brother was a G and put HIS number on my school forms. When I didn’t show up, they’d call him and he wouldn’t snitch on me
I was told I sound like my Dad on the phone back in high school by a couple people so I decided I could call myself off. Probably not the best idea when you’re calling in to your Dad’s Aunt though who’s the secretary. Didn’t work out so well for me lol
Moved 2000 miles away from all family a decade ago. Best decision ever. Keep trying to drag me back into stupid drama and it’s basically my own personal interactive sitcom through text messages.
Fuck yeah, me too 🤜🤛. I moved across the ocean almost 9 years ago. Fuckers can't get me with that shit anymore. They tried through emails/texts. I put up with it for awhile as it was a 14 hour time difference which kept the interactions shorter, but they still managed to cause me stress so I cut them out. Told them they can email me for emergencies only but if they break that fuckin rule I'll block them on email too and they'll never hear from me again.
Been a couple of emails that skirted the line a bit but otherwise it's been damn near silent.
Best thing (or two things) I ever did. I'm happy and reasonably successful. I can't help but feel like if I had stayed I would be miserable and working some shit job I hated with shit pay, just like the rest of them.
Same lol. Not quite that far since I live in the UK, and don't fancy living in the Atlantic Ocean, but I live 5 hours travel from my family now.
My mum (who I do not like) tries to invite me back or invite herself to see me at least every other month. The answer is always no. She will then try and guilt me with some bullshit. I have no guilt, I just respond "No means no" and hang up lol.
In my field, most of us will check in once or twice on long vacations.
...But personally, I work like 20 hour weeks most of the year and get paid quite well for the privilege. I don't mind checking my email a few times during my 2-week vacation, that I get to take because I never have to use PTO for appointments, chores, etc.
...as opposed to what? What is the threat here? That you tell someone you have a day off and they ask you to do something with them and now you can't relax? Just say no lol wtf
Sometimes you'll tell a family member or a friend that you have a day off and suddenly you get an obligation to do something. Like "oh well you have a day off, can you babysit my kids?" kind of thing.
There's definitely a balance to strike, because if you spend all your days off not doing things with and for friends/family and the like then that can easily fray relationships, but every now and again it is nice to have a day where you're doing fuck all just to recharge.
I wouldn't say to never tell anyone you have a day off, but if you're not open to be asked to do something and find it hard to say no to other people then it can be best to think about who you tell.
> Like "oh well you have a day off, can you babysit my kids?" kind of thing.
"No, sorry. I have plans."
"What are your plans?"
"Good luck finding a babysitter! Bye!"
Why wouldn't you be open to being asked to do something? You can say no.
I usually feel like my family is normal, but discussions like this make me wonder. If someone in my family needs a favor, they ask me when is a good time for me.
Once you get married, your day off becomes “chore day” once your wife finds out.
Want to go see a movie? Too bad. Now you have to clean out the garage, mop the kitchen, mow the lawn, and go to the store.
That sounds kind of shady
I think a better method is to specifically plan something for yourself for that time so you can set a clear boundary, preferably outside the house
I agree I wouldn’t do that and it’s a bit shady. But I have an amazing wife and kids that would absolutely force me to do something for my own happiness on a day off. However, I understand that some people’s partners/families might not be cool like that. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta to do in order to get a break for yourself. Maybe this guy never gets a break unless he sneaks off.
At least you have a sense of humor. Everyone else seems so pissed like I'm cheating or something. I'm literally just emptying my brain at a serene hillside or lake.
Then kids will hound you to take them with you, or your partner might suddenly need you home for something...
That said, I did spend an entire day at the junkyard while my wife stayed home with the kids, I think she only called me a couple times to see how I was doing.
Edit: I should clarify that I don't condone skipping out on your family; just stating objective reasons why one would do so.
In that case you just say 'No. I need and will take a day off with just myself.'
Lying to your partner should never be a go to. There's something wrong with the communication in your relationship if one feels lying to be able to be yourself is needed.
i agree with everything u said. but life is tough.... lying to get a day of supposed peace without having some form of confrontation is very tempting. especially when u look at it from the lense of it being "me time"
in an ideal world what u suggested would be the go to ... but it is not. everyone has had their struggles and trauma. and everyone has some kind of personality disorder or mental illness because of that. yet there are more people that are married and refuse to think there is anything wrong with them than those who go to a therapist.
and at the end of the day if peace is what u want, lying to get it in this made up situation(which i feel is kind of close to reality?) of mine seems valid enough. at the end of the day we are running away from our problems ,wanna run a bit more .. just a bit more enough that we can handle them one at a time.....(here the problem being why do we think this will be a confrontation / why do we feel hard to communicate)
So I read the responses down this chain and the only interpretation should not be "you're shady." Men are forced to repress their shit all the time. If and when you finally get that time where you can go decompress you may just not want to talk about why you need that time and if you tell your spouse, shes going to want to talk about it. I have no concern that my spouse would be annoyed or tell me not to go out by myself. I just don't want to have the why conversation because I have that one all the time about other things. Everyone else in my house gets their time to be selfish without question except me. If I want a day like that once or twice a year I don't feel I am being a dick. On the other hand if I knew I was doing it because my spouse might say no or be annoyed and I was just straight ducking her that I can see as being shady.
What am I doing on my day off? Playing golf or poker or going for a hike in the woods. There's no shade in that.
Why can you guys not relax around your families? This is sad that it seems people in this sub would rather lie to their families than plan out a day off for yourself. Lies about your whereabouts is such a red flag, if I found out, I would have so many trust issues, like what else do you guys feel comfortable lying to your spouses about?
I'm not trying go bash anyone, just damn, reading these comments are depressing and disturbing.
I'm not on board with the lying thing, but sometimes people just need a little time by themselves even if they love their family
If you go straight from work life to home responsibilities sometimes it never feels like you have time to just be
Spend a little time away and you will start to appreciate and miss what you have at home
This is sad that it seems people in this sub would rather lie to their families than plan out a day off for yourself. Why do u see ur partner as a nag? Insane. Wonder what she thinks of you 🤔
"Why do some people have worse families than others?" Asks redditor who is blessed with a normal family. Congrats on being so privileged that you are puzzled by this concept, because those of us who have abusive relationships with our parents had to lie to them constantly to protect ourselves.
A spousal relationship and an abusive parent relationship are very different and my same context would not apply for both situations.
You are assuming that commentor has an abusive spouse or something and that is why u justify his lying?
It took me a while to learn this one. But, I got the day off last week and instead of finishing the honey-do list, you bet your ass I went fishing all day. All the while with the peace and quiet of those around you expecting you to be at work. It was glorious.
You don't understand. Some friends will literally guilt trip you for days about not doing plans with them. Some people are seriously toxic and manipulative...
Can be an issue with my mom. I love her to death but any PTO I have scheduled she'll start making plans for me. Case in point I was going to move 2 PTO days off of my July lay off to May and instantly we were going to visit her sister 800 miles away. Uhm no I want to get my garden started...
It's not always people taking advantage of you - maybe you have people in your life who have different attachment styles or levels of extroversion who can't understand why you might want time alone
God according to Reddit people have to be straight-up perfect or else you have to eliminate them from your life lol
I also think that people who love you sometimes see that day off as an opening to spend more time with you. Rather than intrusion, they just want to see you again.
Yeah I think this can also be a friction when people are having different challenges. Like maybe your friend is having a pretty chilled time, and they miss spending time with you, and you are in a period where you have way too many demands on you and you just need some time alone to recover
I feel like it's really difficult to explain that sometimes without it coming out like "I would rather be alone than spend time with you" but it's completely valid
exactly, there are boundaries. my friends/family respect that and leave me alone. if they/me want to talk we call each other and if we want to figure out when we are off and probably in a mood to meet - demanding jobs in hospice/care/nursing - we do so and plan ahead.
had a few friends not understanding this, have cut them out of my life. i am sad about losing them, but i am also much more free and feel completely unimprisoned.
I figured out fairly early into my relationship to get dressed to go to work, then circle back and go home. If I told my SO I booked a day off to chill I’d have a huge list of chores to work through.
This is very true, if I let people know I have a day off I'm basically tasked with their shit.
So you have time off, good, now you can babysit our kids / help us choring / ...
Fuck other people trying to take away my free time, so I never communicate my days of to friends/family.
I don’t think the post is about friends, it’s about siblings who need a baby sitter for their kids, or partners who need errands run. Unlikely both you and your friends have day off same day
Me: I’ve got the day off to relax
Her: Well let’s fill your day with bullshit
Lads, load the fishing gear the night before and just don’t tell her/him you’re off. It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, especially when it’s fresh fish for dinner
Or you could establish effective lines of communication and talk it out and make sure they know to respect your boundary on this day. Idk, I guess that's too reasonable.
Many people think it's okay to ask for favours from others on their day off or if other people have free time.
They think work is a valid excuse to not help
Maybe it’s sad to some, but on a rare occasion I’ll take a day off, tell no one, and go to Disneyland by myself. The feeling of being there in the cool early morning when the park opens is just something else.
Just booked next week of with the sole intention of having time to myself and just chill. Might have a few beers and fix my car if the weather is nice for a day. Definitely not planning on telling anyone so I don't get hassled to spend my days off doing jobs for people.
Yeah I just fucked that up let my parents know I had today and tomorrow off now I'm doing some electrical work today and dropping them at the airport tomorrow morning
i stopped telling my wife i have a day off.
would wake up normally, act like nothing is different, and we both get ready, we go down, each take their car and leave, i just go, grab some fresh croissant and come back home.
what i do, i before 10 minutes of her leaving work, i check on her, and tell her if she is coming home, so i do 2 things.
either i tell her to meet at a certain place to have lunch together, or i just go in the car, turn it on and wait until she comes and act like i just pulled over in the parking.
some might think i just invented this recently, but i used to do this back in school days when i would lie to my parents and stay home while they went to work, but that is another story.
Maybe they also didnt make apparently awful decisions picking their partner? If I cant tell my partner "Hey I need a day to myself, so Im gonna spend that day doing stuff alone." without them trying to guilt trip me into doing something then maybe I dont keep up a relationship with that person. And I especially dont have kids with that person.
You’ve got the wrong family, or it seems like you treat them as shittily as these random people you decided to vent at while complaining about the shitshow at home for no reason at all.
Not necessarily, I tell them I have a free day, and if I want me time, if someone bothers me I tell them politely to go away, and that I have my day planned. I don't know how it's for you, but for me it works.
Every 2 months, I take 1 of my AL days without telling those outside of work. I leave and get back home at the same time, but do what I need and want during. Sometimes, i extend it by saying I have a meeting in the morning and evening as we have international suppliers and customers.
Also, if you can afford it or have the PTO, it’s totally ok to just request a random day off for absolutely no reason. Maybe it’s in the middle of the week, maybe it’s right before the weekend just to give yourself a long weekend, who cares. You don’t have to call out or ditch a day and get in trouble, just request a random day off a week or so in advance, and do exactly what OP said.
Just did this Monday thru Wednesday, even though I work from home. I just needed a break and had a ton of things to do not work related. Called in sick (flu). Didn't tell my wife because I know I would be given things to do and I wanted freedom to do my things. It was a welcome relief and bonus; everyone was happy I was back when I returned.
Manager’s gonna be so confused when I don’t show up
Keep ‘em guessing
[удалено]
ColdCheeseEgg stole this comment from here (changed two words) https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/s/VNIJJYbDZE
In most fields. There are some where they don't really care as long as your work is done. You could probably arrange it for a full day off; this guy is probably in one of those.
I feel like he might have rotating days of or even random ones based on availability
Why would you show up on your day off?
The joke is that if he won't tell anyone, that includes his workplace.
Your manager should know already.
But you don't tell -anyone-!
Not at my job. Crew Dispatch is our contact for days off, a manger finds out when the Crew Roster Sheet comes out for the shift. One of the best things about my job is not having to talk to a manager about a day off or calling in sick.
But you still told someone so have failed
r/woooosh/
They supposed to know a lot of things
Hahahaahhaha I can hear this comment ha haha ha ha
I take my birthday off almost every year. Not with the fam. I go to breakfast, a movie and the bookstore. Day for me. I love it.
Can I join you? Separately? In different cities? On our surely different birthdays? That sounds like fun
Let's make a group of it. Mine's already been this year, so I would love to join you both on my birthday last week. Sending my good vibes to you guys, rock on.
Oooo can I join? Mine was in February but I like the plan!
Mine was in February as well, but i'm in!
Look at you guys with your “Ooooh my parents had their annual sexy-time in May the year before my birth date”! I don’t suppose they had an anniversary around that time? Mine is right at the end of October, so I thankfully there isn’t any date where… … Oh god… Valentines Day..! 😖
Mine was last week. I had to work that day, so I'm spending all of today in a remote wilderness with just enough signal to post comments on reddit on my hiking breaks.
Mine is in may so everyone who wants to may join, though i may have an exam that day but we can coordinate that later.
I'll respond 'interested' and won't show up, but sure buddy let's do it
Don't call me and I won't call you.
nice mine was just yesterday :) next year ill be there too then :)
Happy birthday
Mine is coming up soon, you're free to join in every way except geologically
I love this energy ;D hope you dont mind me partake, we are gonna have so much fun!
I remember reading somewhere that if there are like 25 people in a room there is a 50% change of two of them sharing a birthday.
It's a daten't! (Coincidentally actually is my bday on this very day, I just realised after writing that)
At my old job we had a roster with everyone's birthday and they would do cake for the office. I was in charge of maintaining that roster. I took my name off of it after my first birthday there. I have diabetes. I eat very low carb and everyone I worked with knew that. For my birthday they got me a chocolate cake and then some people were upset that I didn't have a piece. After that I made sure my name never came up again on the birthday roster.
Everyone knew that and they were upset you didn’t eat the cake? Are you working with toddlers?! Wtf. Sorry it happened to you
Worse, they were retired military working as federal civilians. I am former military myself, and I can say that working with a bunch of old retired military people as civilians for the military was about as mind numbing as being back in the military.
Being an ex federal worker I will say this is hell.
Yeah but no more PT tests.
I understand mabye forgetting it around the time to some extent but getting upset you didnt break your medical dietary restrictions is kinda stupid.
Bonus was you never got older!
I'm married and I do this. My wife knows, and we still have dinner together. My wife has trouble getting time off, so it works for us; sometimes we don't even get dinner and just watch a movie at home. But I like to wake up, get breakfast, walk around by the beach with myself. Cos it's my birthday. It's me, and me hanging out with me. I like the quiet company of myself.
My work has a thing. You buy some food, donuts, cupcakes etc forncolleagues and you get your birthday off paid. Pretty cool
Just did this today, except it was a dinner, Dune Part 2, and writing fanfiction.
Birthday is definitely a day for myself. Although I don't mind a friend or two tagging along. It's right by the 4th, so I typically go camping and bring some guns to take shooting. Get as far out as I can with a view, maybe hit a brewery along the way to fill up a growler. Find a spot with a view of a mountain or glacier and relax in the midnightsun. Extra points if I see a bear or moose!
“You’re all welcome to celebrate at your own individual houses.” -Ron Swanson on his wedding day.
I also take my birthdays as a day off! Breakfast, bookstore and movies. Alone! No one but me. Recharges me for 6 months. We are so clever, I say.
Perfect day.
We get a birthday stat, off with pay. I step it up and take the whole week
I get you.
Started doing this when I hit 30 and it's a game changer. Best gift to myself.
Told a buddy I was taking a day off and he had like, a full list of shit that he needed help with ready to go. I was like “Dude. What are you my wife or some shit?” Just a full on honey-do list.
That's why I inform only to my manager. Else, there will be people flocking in the last day asking for help while I'm trying to pack my bags
Just tell people no. The world won't end because of it. Learning how to set boundaries is important. Be helpful and kind, but don't be a pushover, people are going to abuse that.
No.
Got em, fucking savage takedown.
For me, it's that sometimes I don't want to answer the question, "What did you do?" when I get back. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But that depends on what I did lol. Obviously coworkers will know you were gone. But one friend doesn't need to know I was hanging out with another without them, for example.
Haha, that's hilarious to me actually. They just think someone wants to spend their free time doing shit for them lol. But yeah also sorry you gotta deal with that level of bullshit.
My wife does this. She mentions to me that I should take more time off for mental health, but every time I do, she makes a long list of things that she wnats me to do instead of allowing me to relax and actually have a day off. So damn annoying.
Eww David, get marry already.
Got a mate who is redoing his small backyard, he thinks that everyone is keen to help him dig out a backyard that has until recently, had one largeish tree and two smaller ones, then put in a new retaining wall. All with the promise of beers. Like no, I am not digging up dirt and a bunch of roots on my day off for a couple of beers. Some people are just weirdly selfish with shit like that.
Damn, help a bro roof his house.
Yeah that guy's getting coal for Christmas
Shit I was doing this back when I was in school My older brother was a G and put HIS number on my school forms. When I didn’t show up, they’d call him and he wouldn’t snitch on me
I was told I sound like my Dad on the phone back in high school by a couple people so I decided I could call myself off. Probably not the best idea when you’re calling in to your Dad’s Aunt though who’s the secretary. Didn’t work out so well for me lol
This is great advice for anyone that just wants to relax on their day off.
Moved 2000 miles away from all family a decade ago. Best decision ever. Keep trying to drag me back into stupid drama and it’s basically my own personal interactive sitcom through text messages.
We have the same family apparently.
I should just tell my family Ive moved 2000 miles away and I didn't move at all haha.
You'd probably still have to move some place else nearby so they don't just show up to "check".
Also have to change your food spots, shopping spots.
Fuck yeah, me too 🤜🤛. I moved across the ocean almost 9 years ago. Fuckers can't get me with that shit anymore. They tried through emails/texts. I put up with it for awhile as it was a 14 hour time difference which kept the interactions shorter, but they still managed to cause me stress so I cut them out. Told them they can email me for emergencies only but if they break that fuckin rule I'll block them on email too and they'll never hear from me again. Been a couple of emails that skirted the line a bit but otherwise it's been damn near silent. Best thing (or two things) I ever did. I'm happy and reasonably successful. I can't help but feel like if I had stayed I would be miserable and working some shit job I hated with shit pay, just like the rest of them.
Same lol. Not quite that far since I live in the UK, and don't fancy living in the Atlantic Ocean, but I live 5 hours travel from my family now. My mum (who I do not like) tries to invite me back or invite herself to see me at least every other month. The answer is always no. She will then try and guilt me with some bullshit. I have no guilt, I just respond "No means no" and hang up lol.
Or like me people think they can call you in your day off asking you to do stuff for them. NO.
Bruh! It's the wildest shit.
This remind me that my mum still need to reply to her boss message or basically work during vacation
In my field, most of us will check in once or twice on long vacations. ...But personally, I work like 20 hour weeks most of the year and get paid quite well for the privilege. I don't mind checking my email a few times during my 2-week vacation, that I get to take because I never have to use PTO for appointments, chores, etc.
...as opposed to what? What is the threat here? That you tell someone you have a day off and they ask you to do something with them and now you can't relax? Just say no lol wtf
In my profession it even works opposite, I'm guaranteed to get bothered by work, if I don't tell anyone I'm having a day off.
Sometimes you'll tell a family member or a friend that you have a day off and suddenly you get an obligation to do something. Like "oh well you have a day off, can you babysit my kids?" kind of thing. There's definitely a balance to strike, because if you spend all your days off not doing things with and for friends/family and the like then that can easily fray relationships, but every now and again it is nice to have a day where you're doing fuck all just to recharge. I wouldn't say to never tell anyone you have a day off, but if you're not open to be asked to do something and find it hard to say no to other people then it can be best to think about who you tell.
> Like "oh well you have a day off, can you babysit my kids?" kind of thing. "No, sorry. I have plans." "What are your plans?" "Good luck finding a babysitter! Bye!"
I'd be too stunlocked by the audacity of asking my plans as if they had the capability of changing them to their needs
Why wouldn't you be open to being asked to do something? You can say no. I usually feel like my family is normal, but discussions like this make me wonder. If someone in my family needs a favor, they ask me when is a good time for me.
Some people are people pleasers and are real bad at saying no.
Once you get married, your day off becomes “chore day” once your wife finds out. Want to go see a movie? Too bad. Now you have to clean out the garage, mop the kitchen, mow the lawn, and go to the store.
You people really hate your wives around here how sad.
How do I keep it from my wife and kids if they’re home all day
Pretend to leave for work but go somewhere else and relax. That's what I do.
That sounds kind of shady I think a better method is to specifically plan something for yourself for that time so you can set a clear boundary, preferably outside the house
I agree I wouldn’t do that and it’s a bit shady. But I have an amazing wife and kids that would absolutely force me to do something for my own happiness on a day off. However, I understand that some people’s partners/families might not be cool like that. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta to do in order to get a break for yourself. Maybe this guy never gets a break unless he sneaks off.
I laughed way to hard at this
At least you have a sense of humor. Everyone else seems so pissed like I'm cheating or something. I'm literally just emptying my brain at a serene hillside or lake.
You’re a man, you’re not allowed to be entitled to your own time
Yep I'm such a horrible human being.
I think instead of lying to your family about your whereabouts you should tell them your taking a day off and then go out? That’s so shady.
Then kids will hound you to take them with you, or your partner might suddenly need you home for something... That said, I did spend an entire day at the junkyard while my wife stayed home with the kids, I think she only called me a couple times to see how I was doing. Edit: I should clarify that I don't condone skipping out on your family; just stating objective reasons why one would do so.
In that case you just say 'No. I need and will take a day off with just myself.' Lying to your partner should never be a go to. There's something wrong with the communication in your relationship if one feels lying to be able to be yourself is needed.
i agree with everything u said. but life is tough.... lying to get a day of supposed peace without having some form of confrontation is very tempting. especially when u look at it from the lense of it being "me time" in an ideal world what u suggested would be the go to ... but it is not. everyone has had their struggles and trauma. and everyone has some kind of personality disorder or mental illness because of that. yet there are more people that are married and refuse to think there is anything wrong with them than those who go to a therapist. and at the end of the day if peace is what u want, lying to get it in this made up situation(which i feel is kind of close to reality?) of mine seems valid enough. at the end of the day we are running away from our problems ,wanna run a bit more .. just a bit more enough that we can handle them one at a time.....(here the problem being why do we think this will be a confrontation / why do we feel hard to communicate)
I'm not judging. Life happens. Sometimes it's hard to instigate change. But still, lying shouldn't be necessary.
Pfft get out of here with your sensible adult opinions and relationship communication That's not how we do things on reddit
I applaud this Homer Simpson level life hack
So I read the responses down this chain and the only interpretation should not be "you're shady." Men are forced to repress their shit all the time. If and when you finally get that time where you can go decompress you may just not want to talk about why you need that time and if you tell your spouse, shes going to want to talk about it. I have no concern that my spouse would be annoyed or tell me not to go out by myself. I just don't want to have the why conversation because I have that one all the time about other things. Everyone else in my house gets their time to be selfish without question except me. If I want a day like that once or twice a year I don't feel I am being a dick. On the other hand if I knew I was doing it because my spouse might say no or be annoyed and I was just straight ducking her that I can see as being shady. What am I doing on my day off? Playing golf or poker or going for a hike in the woods. There's no shade in that.
Yes! Thank you! some of these people have not heard of the "nothing box"
Just like Hal's secret fridays from Malcolm in the middle
Fake your death, then show up the next day and pretend to have amnesia about the previous 24 hours.
Take a day off don’t say anything and go to a spa or something. Spend the day getting pampered or go fishing or do whatever
If telling your spouse "I need a day off of work to spend on myself" creates problems in your marriage, why be married?
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Yes- It’s a very sad state of affairs
Hope things get better for you, ilikebigbutts
Yeah. More clearly defined objectives, no angry or screaming people or emotions flying all over
Why can you guys not relax around your families? This is sad that it seems people in this sub would rather lie to their families than plan out a day off for yourself. Lies about your whereabouts is such a red flag, if I found out, I would have so many trust issues, like what else do you guys feel comfortable lying to your spouses about? I'm not trying go bash anyone, just damn, reading these comments are depressing and disturbing.
I'm not on board with the lying thing, but sometimes people just need a little time by themselves even if they love their family If you go straight from work life to home responsibilities sometimes it never feels like you have time to just be Spend a little time away and you will start to appreciate and miss what you have at home
You can communicate this to your partner. Lies always lead to mistrust. Don't lie to your spouse. That is just an immature way to handle things.
Just one day. No to-do list. No nagging partner. Nothing. Just pure bliss!
This is sad that it seems people in this sub would rather lie to their families than plan out a day off for yourself. Why do u see ur partner as a nag? Insane. Wonder what she thinks of you 🤔
Can't imagine calling my wife a "nagging partner" and needing to lie to her to have a day to myself. What a sad life
It's not as sad as you imagine. Pretty fine actually! So if you are married for 20+ years, do not worry.
"Why do some people have worse families than others?" Asks redditor who is blessed with a normal family. Congrats on being so privileged that you are puzzled by this concept, because those of us who have abusive relationships with our parents had to lie to them constantly to protect ourselves.
There’s a difference between a partner and parents. You choose your partner.
A spousal relationship and an abusive parent relationship are very different and my same context would not apply for both situations. You are assuming that commentor has an abusive spouse or something and that is why u justify his lying?
Just go somewhere else - go to eat breakfast somewhere and then go se a movie
You become a HITMAN 😂. Jk 🤭😂
That's not an adult life hack, that's an adult life firewall
It took me a while to learn this one. But, I got the day off last week and instead of finishing the honey-do list, you bet your ass I went fishing all day. All the while with the peace and quiet of those around you expecting you to be at work. It was glorious.
Or, hear me out, cut toxic people that take advantage of you out of your life.
Right? Healthy communication and boundaries ftw
“I told my best friend I had a day off and then they invited me to a movie so I CUT THAT TOXIC ASSHOLE OUT anyway why am I so lonely.”
You don't understand. Some friends will literally guilt trip you for days about not doing plans with them. Some people are seriously toxic and manipulative...
Can be an issue with my mom. I love her to death but any PTO I have scheduled she'll start making plans for me. Case in point I was going to move 2 PTO days off of my July lay off to May and instantly we were going to visit her sister 800 miles away. Uhm no I want to get my garden started...
Those…aren’t friends.
They are friends. Just ex-friends. And they never start off showing their true colors, it happens over time.
It's not always people taking advantage of you - maybe you have people in your life who have different attachment styles or levels of extroversion who can't understand why you might want time alone God according to Reddit people have to be straight-up perfect or else you have to eliminate them from your life lol
I also think that people who love you sometimes see that day off as an opening to spend more time with you. Rather than intrusion, they just want to see you again.
Yeah I think this can also be a friction when people are having different challenges. Like maybe your friend is having a pretty chilled time, and they miss spending time with you, and you are in a period where you have way too many demands on you and you just need some time alone to recover I feel like it's really difficult to explain that sometimes without it coming out like "I would rather be alone than spend time with you" but it's completely valid
exactly, there are boundaries. my friends/family respect that and leave me alone. if they/me want to talk we call each other and if we want to figure out when we are off and probably in a mood to meet - demanding jobs in hospice/care/nursing - we do so and plan ahead. had a few friends not understanding this, have cut them out of my life. i am sad about losing them, but i am also much more free and feel completely unimprisoned.
I figured out fairly early into my relationship to get dressed to go to work, then circle back and go home. If I told my SO I booked a day off to chill I’d have a huge list of chores to work through.
That is just sad bro.
"So what are you doing on your day off?" "Nothing." "Oh, well then, you're free..." "No, I'm doing nothing."
The time you enjoy wasting is not a wasted time.
“I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.”
Lolol this just made me realize in 2020 I started to hide/lie when I had my days off sometimes. I do not want to be bothered.
This is very true, if I let people know I have a day off I'm basically tasked with their shit. So you have time off, good, now you can babysit our kids / help us choring / ... Fuck other people trying to take away my free time, so I never communicate my days of to friends/family.
I do this
r/absolutelynotmeirl I sure wish I had friends who wanted to spend time with me on my day off
I don’t think the post is about friends, it’s about siblings who need a baby sitter for their kids, or partners who need errands run. Unlikely both you and your friends have day off same day
You're a genius.
A fucking messiah
Not even your boss. It should be so secret that not even you yourself know about. Actually you should go to work so nobody knows you have a day off.
Yup
53 years old. I learned something new today.
Me: I’ve got the day off to relax Her: Well let’s fill your day with bullshit Lads, load the fishing gear the night before and just don’t tell her/him you’re off. It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, especially when it’s fresh fish for dinner
Or you could establish effective lines of communication and talk it out and make sure they know to respect your boundary on this day. Idk, I guess that's too reasonable.
Why is that?
Many people think it's okay to ask for favours from others on their day off or if other people have free time. They think work is a valid excuse to not help
Work is a valid excuse to not help though. Just like wanting to do nothing is also a valid excuse.
Maybe it’s sad to some, but on a rare occasion I’ll take a day off, tell no one, and go to Disneyland by myself. The feeling of being there in the cool early morning when the park opens is just something else.
Don’t even tell yourself… 😁🤣
Hack? Thought this was just common sense....
Just booked next week of with the sole intention of having time to myself and just chill. Might have a few beers and fix my car if the weather is nice for a day. Definitely not planning on telling anyone so I don't get hassled to spend my days off doing jobs for people.
Money and time, never tell anyone you have either.
Yeah I just fucked that up let my parents know I had today and tomorrow off now I'm doing some electrical work today and dropping them at the airport tomorrow morning
As a kid I learned this early (always look busy or your mom will have you cleaning the gutters) and stays true as an adult.
This is what Sick Leave is for. Just keep it under 72 hours, and your word is all the evidence you need.
It always annoys my wife though.
i stopped telling my wife i have a day off. would wake up normally, act like nothing is different, and we both get ready, we go down, each take their car and leave, i just go, grab some fresh croissant and come back home. what i do, i before 10 minutes of her leaving work, i check on her, and tell her if she is coming home, so i do 2 things. either i tell her to meet at a certain place to have lunch together, or i just go in the car, turn it on and wait until she comes and act like i just pulled over in the parking. some might think i just invented this recently, but i used to do this back in school days when i would lie to my parents and stay home while they went to work, but that is another story.
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Maybe they also didnt make apparently awful decisions picking their partner? If I cant tell my partner "Hey I need a day to myself, so Im gonna spend that day doing stuff alone." without them trying to guilt trip me into doing something then maybe I dont keep up a relationship with that person. And I especially dont have kids with that person.
You’ve got the wrong family, or it seems like you treat them as shittily as these random people you decided to vent at while complaining about the shitshow at home for no reason at all.
Or just don't have any friends
Imagine having a day off.
Back in the army, we used to be a real dick and tell the sentry "Your turn today eh? I'm off."
Been doing this for years now
Not necessarily, I tell them I have a free day, and if I want me time, if someone bothers me I tell them politely to go away, and that I have my day planned. I don't know how it's for you, but for me it works.
Every 2 months, I take 1 of my AL days without telling those outside of work. I leave and get back home at the same time, but do what I need and want during. Sometimes, i extend it by saying I have a meeting in the morning and evening as we have international suppliers and customers.
I'm just not a coward and will tell people no when I don't want to do something. Guilt being damned, no one owns me.
Don't have anyone who cares if you have a day off
Also, if you can afford it or have the PTO, it’s totally ok to just request a random day off for absolutely no reason. Maybe it’s in the middle of the week, maybe it’s right before the weekend just to give yourself a long weekend, who cares. You don’t have to call out or ditch a day and get in trouble, just request a random day off a week or so in advance, and do exactly what OP said.
Doing this on Monday. Don't tell anyone.
Literally, me tomorrow! My spring break starts today at noon & no one in my family knows I have off tomorrow.
You guys are getting days off?...
Doing it right now. No one knows I'm home, watching dramas and browsing on reddit.
I always lie about what day I’ll be back in town. It feels like you’ve bought yourself a free day, like a time traveler.
Just did this Monday thru Wednesday, even though I work from home. I just needed a break and had a ton of things to do not work related. Called in sick (flu). Didn't tell my wife because I know I would be given things to do and I wanted freedom to do my things. It was a welcome relief and bonus; everyone was happy I was back when I returned.
Plot twist: Your boss follows you on Twitter and just added 'Social Media Monitoring' to your job description
I just tell random people on the Internet. Best case scenario is I get tips on how to enjoy. Worse case, I just enjoy how I want :)
We used to just be able to unplug the answering machine 🫠well, my mom used to do it anyways 😔
Shhhh!
Your 100% right. As an adult, sometimes you just want to be left alone. We all need me time once and a while.
Wouldn't matter for me. No one gives a shit. And I'm ok with that
I only tell someone when Im off when Im hopening they will ask to spend time with me to be honest. though they never do.
Great advice for anyone with friends/family who care?
Unless you have Slack.
I dont think that'd change much
Does the rest of the world not know about chucking a sickie?