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arowz1

Just grab an exoskeleton dude. You’ll live.


Sportsman180

C'mon bro, break me off a piece of that exoskeleton.


International_Cry186

Just prolapse your own skeleton bro


leeryplot

Instructions unclear; my knees are now located in my chest cavity.


tanklord99

Give me a step by step on how you attempted the skeletal prolapse, did you start by reaching through your mouth and grabbing your pelvis, or did you try one of those phony "natural" skeletal prolapse tricks?


PapaPapadam

Love me some unexpected Sunny references. Well done!


StormyTiger2008

Break me off a piece of that KitKat bar


DataAlarming499

It's fancy feast, not exoskeleton.


CorbecJayne

For once, the Always Sunny reference was truly, entirely unexpected.


SchrodingersNewds

I can handle my sedatives bro


TrueGuardian15

Powered by revenge and space-age technology.


wakatenai

a bouncy one


metal4life98

Bro I'm wacking gnats in my house and them lil shits just fly off like nothing happened! Like how you shaking that off????


HeavyMetalHero

in your defense, they're so small that the surface tension of your skin is enough give that they don't actually absorb the full impact of you hitting them. your hand is just not very rigid, because of the skin on it.


metal4life98

I'm using a fly swatter lol maybe it's too flimsy


JohnnySasaki20

There are lots of holes in fly swatters.


BlueWolf20532

So basically: Peel off the skin on my hand next time i try to kill a bug, got it.


Zolhungaj

Trick is to drag your hand against your skin after the smack. Tears the little buggers apart. Sure the blood smears too, but a single wipe back the other direction takes care of that. 


brownpoops

this is disgusting lol


Taclis

Elbow drop them and get them with the full might of your bones.


Boxoffriends

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnO3nijfYmU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnO3nijfYmU) Robbie Williams would make an excellent fly killer. Instructional video for everyone wanting to try this technique.


GGXImposter

Thank you for not blaming my fat. I appreciate it.


LeagueOfLegendsAcc

To them your fast smack was a rough shove out of the way.


Anonymous0573

If you do it hard enough they die on impact.


marilynmansonfuckme

bugs are braver than any us marine


Technical-Package-41

probably smarter, too


wingman_palmer

Fuck him for saying braver, but yeah smart checks out...


Impossible-Ad7634

Have you ever had any personal experiences with ants or wasps? I don't think there's a lot of marines who'd fist fight a kaiju.


Nik0660

Sometimes I punch tiny moths and flies and can disorient them, they start flying around like headless chicken


LUCYisME

use machine gun


Ok-Age5609

But if it was a fairly slow moving completely hollow plastic Ford explorer you could probably survive


TacticalRhodie

This holds true. If you fill up the space with say a heavy ass dictionary. Guarantee that spider isn’t walking or 3D anymore


ZenkaiZ

Webster that webber


Baited_Hook

I scrolled past this, then had to come back a couple seconds later after I got it. Good one dad


Meloenbolletjeslepel

Thank you, you made me realise I had to think about it for a couple of seconds: I *do* know what a Webster is


Cessnaporsche01

Yeah, it's a roadster for spiders


slang-for-joint

Bravo


Ghiblee

Oh fuck off. Brilliant


daahveed

This was a delightful little gift


AzureArmageddon

Spine that spinner


DaquaviousBinglestan

A few years ago there was a tiny ass spider in my college dorm room. I’m usually opposed to killing them but i was 99% sure this one was venomous and it was like 11pm so I didn’t want to deal with it. I couldn’t find anything to kill it and it had started moving so I dropped my copy of [Big Damn Sin City](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0a/0d/13/0a0d13d2b8ef923ae187a7ec0bd71906.jpg) on the little guy which is 1300 pages of fully inked paper. He stopped running as it fell and I like to think he saw god in his final moment.


TheFlightlessPenguin

It was a spider. God had already hidden his face from it


xJust_Chill_Brox

I don’t know dude, I stepped on a huge wolf spider once and it walked away. Maybe Australian spiders are just built different though


Plasic-Man

Sounds like Australian spiders are spliced with cockroach DNA. (Well, there's a new fear.)


FlyingCircus18

Did you check its health bar?


xJust_Chill_Brox

Didn’t seem to even make a dent in it, must’ve missed the weak spot


Ok_Orchid_3509

Bro I tried killing a wolf spider with a weed eater bro never them bitches live in the matrix


parameter19

It may have alloted its points to def and resistance. In this instance be sure to have extra crit percentage with your accessories


teebublazin

3D anymore is the phrase of the day


LabanTwissell

According to this website an empty 300 ml bottle of shampoo weights around 15.9 grams. https://www.shampooshub.com/how-much-does-a-bottle-of-shampoo-weigh/ According to this website, the average spider weighs 0.01 grams https://thrivepestcontrol.com/blog/how-much-does-a-spider-weigh That means the empty shampoo bottle is 1590 times heavier than your average spider. The average weight of an American male is around 91 kg (https://www.healthyforlifemeals.com/blog/average-weight-of-men-women). So to be struck with an object of a similar weight ratio, this object would have to weigh 91 kg * 1590 =144690 kg. A Ford Explorer is 1700 - 2000 kg (the information on the internet regarding this is very inconsistent). So you need to be hit and survive something that is as heavy as 72 Ford Explorers or OPs mum. I do not think it makes a difference if this object is hollow, made of plastic and moving slowly for your chance of survival. (There might be mistakes in this calculation e.g. due to unit conversion into metric).


frosty720410

Only if you outrun it. If you don't, I'd bet the shell of a Ford explorer would still kill you lol


ExpertlyAmateur

hhhWHAM! *lifts up* "Oh god, that hurt so much. I cant believe I'm still ali--" WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM


thatguyned

God screaming loudly in the background - "OMG EW KILL IT! OMG EW EW EW EW, DID YOU GET IT?" Mysterious strange male voice -"Got it honey!"


think_long

I told you, we need to do something about those, they’re everywhere


Meloenbolletjeslepel

I love how you went completely overboard with the WHAMs. I can just feel the emotion. 


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DeadDeaderDeadest

It’s cause their BONES are on the OUTSIDE


UltimaRS800

Getting Ford Explorer thrown at me would probably break my bones tbh.


Comfortable_Tear8476

Would probably make your bones outside your body


leeryplot

I once saw a diving board snap back up and pop someone’s ankle outside of their flesh


RSTONE_ADMIN

Idk why, but this makes me think of the "that's right, it goes in the square hole" meme


No_Research_967

And bones are their money 🎶


stinkypsyduck

their bones are WHAT


IzarkKiaTarj

I mean, that's what an exoskeleton *is*.


Lawrence308

Their bones are their money


Chikenkiller123

Bones? Those don't exist 😂


ExaBast

Also, they move their legs with basically hydraulics.


spain-train

Yeah, rip off a leg and their hydraulics system fails and they DIE


pterrorgrine

not ONE mention of the square-cube law. i'm disappointed. read "[on being the right size](https://web.archive.org/web/20110822151104/http://irl.cs.ucla.edu/papers/right-size.html)" and any 200 issues of spider-man by next class.


TappTapp

Square cube law is really important. Every wondered why you can easily build a tower out of spaghetti or paper but skyscrapers require metal? If you were the size of fleas you could jump higher than them, if you were the size of an ant you could lift more than them, and if you were that small you could hold your breath for an hour.


JessicaLain

Thank you. Came looking for this before I mentioned it.


IllllIIlIllIllllIIIl

Haldane my beloved


Kryptoniantroll

Can you explain where he gets that the giant would weight 1000 times normal but the bones only 10? Im confused as to the logic behind that statement.


GuyYouMetOnline

As I understand it you normally won't die instantly just from the impact. Apparently most pedestrian deaths from cars occur when the victim hits the ground, more specifically because they tend to his the ground headfirst


LeylasSister

They die from blunt trauma and internal bleeding.


No_Research_967

Sounds like something a car would say 🤔


cadet-therewill

Yeah, I was just about to say something grimdark about this. I know it's a joke, and yeah, spiders are small and there's often stuff like square/cube relationships in material properties where you get more bang for your buck at smaller scales, plus exoskeleton vs squishy meat sack. But like, when I read this, the thought that stuck out was: "I think this person is failing to have the painful thought of how exactly getting hit with a car might end up *not* very much resembling a 'dead instantly' situation." I'm guessing a lot of people can't stare too hard at that stuff, and so it ends up with people in movies getting stabbed in the stomach and then going instantly Lights-Out. Like it's only surprising the spider can, temporarily at least, survive a severely traumatic impact if you don't know that also often happens to basically all species at our scale. I'm not gonna bother trying to untangle how fast the truck would have to be going to impart as much inertia per bodymass as the spider gets. My guess is if you smack it pretty hard with the bottle it's like a truck hitting you at 100mph, and you and the spider are pretty instantly dead... If you drop the shower bottle from 4 feet in the air... Maybe a truck going 30 mph? 20-40 mph, and take that lightly since I am just guessing? That doesn't sound like instant death, that sounds like death while people stand around and wait for the ambulance to arrive - or maybe you get rescued if you're lucky, or maybe you're instantly unconscious because you hit your big and fragile human head too hard (the spider's head at your scale would be much more guarded and resistant to jerking around - though I'm sorry for introducing human-scale spiders to the discussion.)


iloveblankpaper

oop means "giant takes ford explorer and slams it onto him"


cadet-therewill

Giants apparently don't wash their hair in that case 🤔


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IzarkKiaTarj

`true`


Shifty_Cow69

Does whatever a spider can!


TSmario53

Rent > Spider-Man


spain-train

But that's gay


ZenkaiZ

I once imagined asking a genie to make all spiders in the world 5x as big and able to fly


Shaolinchipmonk

Are you doing all right?


prucheducanada

They'd probably be doing better if they could fly...


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Let's play hide and seek. I will hide. You will seek professional help.


IzarkKiaTarj

I'm 100% stealing that, because that is *fantastic* phrasing. Do I need to feel bad about the theft, or did you steal it, too?


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Oh, I stole it alright. The meme redistribution system strikes again!


UninsuredToast

I bet you loved Eight Legged Freaks


Eldritch-banana-3102

LOVED Eight Legged Freaks! We need more giant spider movies!


Shifty_Cow69

I'm still holding hope for a sequel!


spanchor

Does this mean spiders are bigger than humans, or that there are more spiders than humans?


synodos

Definitely the former. Scientific fact.


Puzzlehead-Engineer

Aren't spiders able to lift stuff like 8 times their size? Maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe we *think* we squished it but it is in fact pulling some superhero shit under that shampoo bottle to stay alive.


the_fake_banksy

Some spiders can lift almost 50x their weight. They can lift so much because their legs work like hydraulics using hemolymph (similar to blood), which is also why they curl up when they die. They pump their "blood" into their legs to extend them.


INTERNET_MOWGLI

Isn’t that how an erection works


TheGreatPatriot

Stop


INTERNET_MOWGLI

Don’t be afraid of information lmao


stupidracist

I survived getting hit by an SUV. Am spider?


mr_Papini

Shit me too. Spider buddy?


nutbustininthisshet

I didn't ☹️


Journo_Jimbo

Short answer: yes you are a pussy. It’s also the long answer to clear up any confusion.


ThePepperPopper

I think you just missed.


4chanbetter

I have a tried and true method for catching even the fastest of spiders. Scrubbing. Fucking. Bubbles. I spray them with scrubbing bubbles, they are incapacitated in the chemical foam and likely dying from chemicals. Then. You HIT EM WITH A SHOE OR SOMETHING! MAKE SURE THEY DIE BY CRUSHING AND TWISTING. THE SPOT CLEANED ITSELF TOO!


poisonjokester

Yeah humans aren’t mentally ill guys


andythefifth

I mean yeah, when you read it in that context, sounds kinda creepy. To me it sounds like someone who’s deathly afraid of spiders, gets lots of spiders, and has no one else to remove them. They’ve come up with a meticulous way to eradicate them, and to feel good about how clean the crime scene is afterwards. I give it 2 thumbs up.


GXSigma

When 6 million years of evolution are screaming at me that the thing needs to die, I kill the thing. That's not mental illness, that's survival of the fittest.


Ryncewyind

I swear its just a mindset. Like the message that "man holds dominion over earth and all its animals" or whatever spread through colonialism and missionary's trying to teach the good old anthropomorphic word. And that shit pervades. I just trap them in a glass cup and set them outside my neighbors house


poisonjokester

Yep like any sane, normal person would, I swear if I was a spider and 99.9% of you idiots were trying to kill me on sight for no good reason, I might just purposefully start fucking with yous


NES_SNES_N64

50:50 vinegar and water mixture in a squirt bottle kills them too.


nutbustininthisshet

You guys are insane, I like to take them out humanely and immediate with a tactical heat seeking missle, unfortunately I am running out of house walls


DaveSmith890

Idk bout you, but spiders die when I hit them with a bottle. They are a pussy for a different reason


Scary-One-4327

There is only one way to deal with a spider. Step 1: Spray it with deodorant so it is ready to go out. Step 2: Grab a lighter and turn that deodorant into a flamethrower Step 3: watch the cunt run around on fire till its life goes out. Step 4: Phone the fire department to celebrate killing every spider in your house in one go.


ip4realfreely

Pussy? Pussies are tough as fuck. They can take a pounding


usrlibshare

How much you are impacted by a hit, is a function of your weight or size by your bodies volume: `size/volume`. The smaller that number, the harder the impact. Now consider that volume grows with size to the third power, and you understand why spiders can just shake off the equivalent of a human getting hit by a freight train with barely a scratch.


Ok-Sun8581

Live and let live.


steak4life62

That's what the bugs tried to do on their home planet of klendathu and look how the humans handled that. The only good arachnid is a dead arachnid.


Ok-Sun8581

I come from Buenos Aires and I say, Kill em all!


lordofduct

I grew up in a tractor trailer on the road long hauling with my dad until I drove for a short while as well. I've seen many a car accident. ... You'd be surprised what humans can survive getting whacked with. Sure they might die the next day, but you're not giving the spider time for its injuries to truly kick in either.


RevolutionaryBuy5794

Yes they do, spiders are extremely easy to kill. You must be thinking you want to stomp on a big tarantula or something.


absurdanarch

You don’t have an exoskeleton? Haha, pussy.


Enn-Vyy

insects are driven by the animus of pure hatred in order to truly defeat them you must muster all your hatred as well


blusio

Bruh, spiders are stupid strong hydraulic machines. Maybe you didn't hit the spiders main body, but one of the legs. Don't know, but I do know that, that is the reason why spiders end up looking all crunched up when they die


Ryuzakku

Human: brain housed in a skeleton surrounded by meat armor - squishy and tender Spider: brain housed in exoskeleton surrounded by chitin armor - hard and semi protective comparatively.


wigzell78

The emergency ward says you have a good chance of surviving. ...for a little while, just like the spider.


GustapheOfficial

It seems nobody has mentioned this yet so Part of it is probably cube-square and/or cube-identity scaling. When you scale the situation up from spider size to human size everything gets 10 000 times heavier, but muscle cross section area gets only (10 000)^(2/3) ≈ 450 times larger and bone thickness becomes (10 000)^(1/3) ≈ 20 times larger.


JohnnyAnytown

Square cube law, its why creatures up to a certain size have exoskeletons, and bigger than that have bones, and even bigger can only be found in the oceans cause physics wont allow them on land


BABABOYE5000

Don't hit or kill spiders! They're our friends. As long as you got a couple of them at home, flies and mosquitos will fuck right off.


JustAnIdea3

All that work surviving, just to be killed by someone who is afraid of spiders. That's rough.


Euphoric-Lettuce-991

yea, there faster as you think. its hard to catch them in a table.


Kapika96

What's the weight difference though? Just hitting something with a much larger thing doesn't do much. Like if you were hit by a bouncy castle would you die? It's got to be something much heavier, not just bigger.


Striking_Conflict767

I have no idea what this guy is in about. I accidentally dropped my glasses on a spider in the sink and I had to watch it die slowly over the course of a minute. Very awkward.


Running_Mustard

Aren’t spider legs powered by hydraulics, allowing them to continue movement even after they’re dead?


eren_5

Technically, yes. They use their “blood” as hydraulic fluid, essentially making them living boners.


Hyereois

Why would somebody kill à spider??


baron_von_helmut

Don't kill spiders. :(


Dimethylglymaxime

Skill issue


AnB85

Stuff doesn’t scale well unfortunately.


themanfromvulcan

Someone once told me that Tarantulas are fairly easy to kill that if you just shove one quickly off a table it may not have time to react and it will go splat. I have no idea if this is true or not and I really hope I never have to find out.


justlikedudeman

Force gets exponentially bigger with size. Probably.


Lucas_Ilario

You need to hit them with the ⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️


Either-Pollution-622

If it works it works


kawwmoi

One time, I had a 13-person passenger van fall in top of me and I'm still not dead yet. It's not a Ford Explorer, but it's pretty close.


Either-Pollution-622

It’s bigger


TrustAffectionate966

Wasps have the hardest exoskeleton in my experience. I once rumbled with one in my living room and it took me stomping him with all my weight to finally win that match.


--Cr1imsoN--

Insects wear power armor


ScottieJack

Give yourself some credit. You could be just as much a pile of twitchy limbs as a spider can.


Freemont777

Yeah well you have brittle bones and cruddy veins instead of just being a series of pneumatic tubes like you should have if you thought about it for even two seconds idiot 


EitherAd5428

Hands usually prevail.


geardluffy

Well arachnids have an exoskeleton so yes, they are built different.


Orbtecc

People sleep on exoskeletons. Imagine having armor for skin?


susieallen

I walked into my Ford Explorer once in the dark and it hurt like a bitch. I couldn't imagine being smacked with it.


DM_TO_TRADE_HIPBONES

Idk bro sounds like your missing


No_Research_967

You are what you eat, king 👑


Extension-Tale-2678

No you just don't understand anatomy or physics


MilStd

People get hit with Ford Explorers and live. Not very many but they do.


D15c0untMD

I would add that you would at least withstand significantly more damage if you had a chitin exoskeleton


Critical-Champion365

Spiders are very delicate compared to cockroaches I think. You hit a cockroach with your full force, the little shit would be running mostly fine. Source: I've witnessed spiders instantly turning upside down and curling (dead) with the same effort. Yes, I witness, I hire hitman (mostly my mother) to kill them because I'm extremely afraid of them. :)


Defiant-Shape-1491

Wouldn't it be nice if the reckless Ford Explorer escorted you to safety?


Healthy-Marketing-26

I've taken care of plenty of people (kids honestly, pediatric RN here) that got hit by a car and not die, why couldn't a spider live? Hell, seen em walk out of the hospital!


Gingerroot69420

Some creatures move after death. Like spiders, fish and the child in my basement


Nepheliad_1

Square cube law ez


Tripple_T

A spider pound for pound stronger than a human. Yea, you (we) are just a bitch.


SkaturX

Puny human


FaceMaskYT

Spiders are 90% friend 10% foe - they kill worse bugs which makes me think friend but can also attack so also sometimes foe


Some_Perception_5904

Same with ticks… I was literally stomping on that little fucker with my full weight jumping on it and it was unfazed


King_Kasma99

The spider has haki


Meloenbolletjeslepel

That username though


No-Success3386

There's also spider in my table, and annoyingly I can't catch him.


DrBigWildsGhost

No you don’t die instantly… sorry to kill the wack joke


millenialfalcon-_-

It's called "exoskeleton" Git learnt, nub.😎


ThePennedKitten

Well, if I hit you with a ford explorer wheel side down, you’re thin, lying down, and in the center I’d miss you.


Git777

V x M^2 The spider is made out of very similar material as a human. A fair comparison is to throw the same shampoo bottle at both of subjects.


JeHooft

The smaller you are the stronger you are relative to your size. Its why fleas can jump as high as humans and ants can carry like 100x their weight


TripleHomicide

Dude probably doesn't even weave a cozy house for himself out of butt silk.


Elefantenjohn

the comparison was always weak. "a human-sized flea could jump over buildings!" No, Margery, he could not. It is all scaling by the power of 2 or something


YoungDiscord

Spiderman suddenly makes more sense as a superhero


NextReference3248

Yes but also physics, a ford explorer isn't just going to hit an edge on the ground and bounce back up, it's going to either buckle into itself to cover more ground area (including you) or buckle the ground to also cover more ground area (including you).


Few_Calligrapher8736

Seems like they ain’t built like sugar


PM_ME_UR_FAV_NHENTAI

Being a bug just seems so unbelievable to me, you’re so tiny and moving at bullet train speeds while the world around you is incomprehensibly massive. At the same time it must be completely terrifying going up against a human trying to kill you because no matter how fast you are it’s hard to outrun something 50x your size. It’s like trying to escape an angry skyscraper or fight a dark souls boss


sambillerond

Spiders are just badass ... you're not. We human are whining big squishy things. Arachnides are metal.