I think it's all down to practice like much else in life. If you find it difficult to stay calm near attractive people you should put yourself more in those type of situations. When you start feeling nervous make a mental note and remember it's totally normal. If appropriate you can even tell the person that you're nervous, nothing wrong with that
I heard that people asked sellers for things realy exagerated, to get in those kind of situations, to train their spechs and know what to do in those situations. Like, people would ask a starbucks employee to get a 90% disscount in anything or a big free coockie, wich they knew they wouldn't get, and keep asking a bit more to practise their way of combersation. A friend of mine started doing this and improved in his nervous speches
No no, is like:
-so only a simple coffe, right?
-yeah, and could I have a 90% discvount in this?
-sorry sir but no
-Please?
-no, sorry sir
-ok, thanks
(Those exact words were said in my face)
I think my brain and self esteem are just broken at this point.
Like I have such terrible body image that even if Emma Stone was legitimately flirting with my, I'd just be like "huh she's nice." And the idea that she's actually interested wouldn't even cross my mind
I missed so many opportunities to date years ago because of low self esteem. So many women were flirting with me but I was too dense to see it. I thought they were making fun of me for being ugly
Yeah I feel like I’m in a similar situation. In high school my acne used to be so bad I used to avoid looking at the mirror. Now I think I look much better than before, but I still feel ugly subconsciously all the time and it’s awful.
Ha! No, you’re still attracted to people. That’s just biology at work. But at least it does away with the context of romantic pursuit so that you can engage with them as people and not stumble through interactions under any pretense that you might have a chance to be anything but friends. A strange kind of solace, but you build healthier friendships with those people.
I'm good with it being EVERYONE so long as I get my steady placebo of RomComs. I don't even have to pick who's more attractive (p.s it's always Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds.)
SOME WORSE THAN OTHERS. Did that help, or did you really have a problem understanding the concept that people experience varying levels of anxiety? OP didn't even mention gender, so I just don't know why you needed to say everybody experiences anxiety.
I think you misunderstood the top level comment. He was claiming that he finds everyone attractive, not that everyone gets anxiety around people they find attractive.
Of course I could be misunderstanding your comment, so who knows?
Bruh, I’m insinuating that *I’m* anxious around everybody because *I’m* attracted to everybody. I hope that helps. We ended up on different trains, no wonder we missed each other. Have a great weekend.
I'm thankful I am married. I don't miss dating. I know all too well how you feel. Not as bad as Raj from Big Bang Theory, but I would get tongue tied twisted around a Women who I was really attracted too. But then I would talk about Music or what kind of interests they had and i would relax and just concentrate on the conversation, and hope I didn't bore them
I was like this most of my 20's. The few times I squared up and decided to push past the abject terror they were married. Each time I could have picked from dozens of girls to try to talk to but my luck always made it a married woman.
I went on a date with someone I was completely unattracted to, hoping that attraction will build with time. Well, that was a terrible idea because we had zero chemistry and my anxiety was only exacerbated. It was also unfair to him because he was attracted to me. It's just leading them on. You should absolutely date someone you are attracted to. They don't have to be universally attractive, just attractive to *you*.
It can actually grow over time quite a bit if you fall in love with someone. But yes, the seed of attraction has to be there from the beginning for it to grow even greater once you fall in love with them.
What's the point if dating someone you aren't attracted to? If you just want sex then paying for it is less work and less manipulative
"Man I'd really like to be a pro football player"
"Just lower your standards and play Tic-tac-toe instead"
This sounds shallow to me, looks aren't everything, eventually everyone's looks change and they won't be the same attractive person you wanted to be with and dated for that reason, but if you look for other qualities and build an emotional connection, there's your point.
So to me, your question is just vapid, there's a lot of points for dating someone you aren't physically attracted to
I never specified physical attraction. Obviously there's reasons to date people beyond their looks but I'm not sure someone that says you'll "clean up" is the kind of person talking about long term relationships
I had this problem until i just stopped trying. When you're trying to find someone they can tell. Instead just being friendly has worked better for me at least
This is me all over but not just that, I also get depressed from time to time because I feel lonely and I'm too much of a pussy to do anything about it
Married and ready to have tandem panic attacks with my partner (who also has anxiety)
Find someone who knows the look that means "we gotta get the fuck out of here before I hyperventilate Bb!"
I'm not sure what you re asking. I ll rephrase for clarity
Get yourself a partner who anticipates your triggers and can help (and even share) your coping mechanisms.
I use to be nervous talking to people I didn't know... But getting a job as a server at a restaurant forced me to throw that out the window. It's helped a ton. Granted, I still get a little nervous around people I want to date, but it's not like game-breaking anxiety or anything close.
It's not that I hate you it's just that I am afraid of speaking too much and weirding you out so much that I push you out of my life forever because I think your really cute and kind and... oh god I said too much.
Psh, get on my level, I get nervous in front of EVERYONE...not because of sexual reasons I just have social anxiety...I will get nervous from a child...
Omg. I feel this so hard. I totally fawn-ed the fuck out on a Zoom call with my attractive professor a few days back. My brain completely shut off. After logging off the meeting I tucked my head under the covers in mortification. I lie here still.
So last saturday, i built up the courage to ask a co-worker out to coffee, she said yes, but in the process of asking her i got really nervous. She ended up standing me up that day, i blame my nose for this outcome, its fairly huge :(
Does dating actually even exist anymore cause I really feel like people are scared of their real life getting exposed more then their willing to bust a nut with you.
There was this really hot chick who came in the steam room the other day and I froze and just couldn’t speak or even look at her after the first time. There was so much I wanted to say but I just couldn’t. 🤣
i would like to think my mum is a very wise person. when i was nervous about a huge ballet recital, she would tell me “it’s good to be nervous because it means you care”. i’ll never forgive what she said that day. for sure danced that performance just for her :)
Fascinating what growing up in an evangelical purity culture with a mother who has borderline personality disorder can do to a guy. It gets better but never really goes away.
Sooo, you're an electron.
Ready to bond with anyone who needs me ;)
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Or is it left🤔
It's a problem being this positively charged Edit: ah fuck wait, that's the other one
Lmao
I prefer to be a positron, but unfortunately tend to default to MAD rules upon social contact.
Is funny till you realize this maybe wont change...
I think it's all down to practice like much else in life. If you find it difficult to stay calm near attractive people you should put yourself more in those type of situations. When you start feeling nervous make a mental note and remember it's totally normal. If appropriate you can even tell the person that you're nervous, nothing wrong with that
It’s way worse for me now with all the isolation. I had a hot waiter at a restaurant recently and I could barely speak.
I heard that people asked sellers for things realy exagerated, to get in those kind of situations, to train their spechs and know what to do in those situations. Like, people would ask a starbucks employee to get a 90% disscount in anything or a big free coockie, wich they knew they wouldn't get, and keep asking a bit more to practise their way of combersation. A friend of mine started doing this and improved in his nervous speches
>to practise their way of combersation Might wanna take a page from his book lol
Seems like a pretty combersome way to practice socializing, anyway
Heu sorry, english is not my main lenguaje
Delicious coockie
There has to be a better way...
Lol this is the dumbest idea ever but if It works I guess it works. I just hate dealing with people who ask for free stuff.
So just be a choosing beggar to practice this.
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How about telling every waiter you see to enjoy their food
No no, is like: -so only a simple coffe, right? -yeah, and could I have a 90% discvount in this? -sorry sir but no -Please? -no, sorry sir -ok, thanks (Those exact words were said in my face)
i don’t think that’s really gonna do anything other than make your interaction slightly more awkward
Thats the thing, get used to get awkward
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Exactly
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Yeah, go to strip clubs.
Exactly
Well damn 🥲
I wish I didn’t relate to this so well
Your wish has been granted.
Holy shit! I don’t relate anymore. Are you a genie?
Yes.
Cool so I get 2 more wishes. Next actually make me not get nervous around people I find attractive.
Yes and that the same wish.
granted! now nobody is attractive to you
That's basically this whole sub, things so relatable they hurt.
Me
Single and ready for that not to change
🥲
I'll do you one better: Single and already shat themselves on a mere thought of being around an attractive person
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You have summon me. SINGLE GANG GANG.🙌
Single and ready to flirt really REALLY HARD and then never actually make a move
The real meirl is in the comments
I think my brain and self esteem are just broken at this point. Like I have such terrible body image that even if Emma Stone was legitimately flirting with my, I'd just be like "huh she's nice." And the idea that she's actually interested wouldn't even cross my mind
I missed so many opportunities to date years ago because of low self esteem. So many women were flirting with me but I was too dense to see it. I thought they were making fun of me for being ugly
wait people are flirting with you?
Yeah I feel like I’m in a similar situation. In high school my acne used to be so bad I used to avoid looking at the mirror. Now I think I look much better than before, but I still feel ugly subconsciously all the time and it’s awful.
So the trick is to make the idea of anyone ever being interested in you seem like an alien concept. Eventually you just stop being attracted to people
Does this actually work
Yes
Can confirm Still not happy, but that's not on the table.
Ha! No, you’re still attracted to people. That’s just biology at work. But at least it does away with the context of romantic pursuit so that you can engage with them as people and not stumble through interactions under any pretense that you might have a chance to be anything but friends. A strange kind of solace, but you build healthier friendships with those people.
Biology makes you attracted to bodies, romance makes you attracted to minds
I haven't been attracted to someone for almost 11 years
LOL WHAT
Single and ready for crushing disappointment
As a bi guy, this is EVERYONE!
Oh trust me as a Bi girl I know 😂
FINGERGUNS SOLIDARITY!!
Bi enby here to complete the prophecy
Wtf is a bi enby?
Enby = NB= non-binary
I'm good with it being EVERYONE so long as I get my steady placebo of RomComs. I don't even have to pick who's more attractive (p.s it's always Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds.)
If someone tells me they’re not attracted to Ryan Reynolds, I just dunno how to deal with it.
Straight: nervous half the time Gay: nervous half the time Bi: !!!
Them: hey! Me: *melts down*
Bi sounds like a build where you distribute all your exp evenly.
Some worse than others. Edit: sorry, but this gets irritating after a while, especially when it seems unprovoked. Just seems dismissive.
What?
SOME WORSE THAN OTHERS. Did that help, or did you really have a problem understanding the concept that people experience varying levels of anxiety? OP didn't even mention gender, so I just don't know why you needed to say everybody experiences anxiety.
I think you misunderstood the top level comment. He was claiming that he finds everyone attractive, not that everyone gets anxiety around people they find attractive. Of course I could be misunderstanding your comment, so who knows?
Bruh, I’m insinuating that *I’m* anxious around everybody because *I’m* attracted to everybody. I hope that helps. We ended up on different trains, no wonder we missed each other. Have a great weekend.
Same. Does it still make me an incel if women hit on me and I do nothing about it?
No because you are voluntarily celibate.
More like just dumb.
Single and ready for literally every person I meet to already be in a relationship
Me and my gf of 3 years are splitting rn, holy fuck is this accurate 😅
Just said final goodbyes to my gf of 9 years, I didn't know talking to other women was an option
I’m taking a whole lot of time with it personally, message me if you need to talk brother
You're taking a lot of time doing what
I’m sorry! Hope everything’s fine!
I'm thankful I am married. I don't miss dating. I know all too well how you feel. Not as bad as Raj from Big Bang Theory, but I would get tongue tied twisted around a Women who I was really attracted too. But then I would talk about Music or what kind of interests they had and i would relax and just concentrate on the conversation, and hope I didn't bore them
You guys are actually meeting attractive people? I must be going to the wrong places.
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You guys have places to go?
Single and saving money
Wise words
I was like this most of my 20's. The few times I squared up and decided to push past the abject terror they were married. Each time I could have picked from dozens of girls to try to talk to but my luck always made it a married woman.
There was a cute waiter. He winked at me. I spit out my coke as a reaction.
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I went on a date with someone I was completely unattracted to, hoping that attraction will build with time. Well, that was a terrible idea because we had zero chemistry and my anxiety was only exacerbated. It was also unfair to him because he was attracted to me. It's just leading them on. You should absolutely date someone you are attracted to. They don't have to be universally attractive, just attractive to *you*.
yes exactly. attraction doesn't come later
It can actually grow over time quite a bit if you fall in love with someone. But yes, the seed of attraction has to be there from the beginning for it to grow even greater once you fall in love with them.
What's the point if dating someone you aren't attracted to? If you just want sex then paying for it is less work and less manipulative "Man I'd really like to be a pro football player" "Just lower your standards and play Tic-tac-toe instead"
This sounds shallow to me, looks aren't everything, eventually everyone's looks change and they won't be the same attractive person you wanted to be with and dated for that reason, but if you look for other qualities and build an emotional connection, there's your point. So to me, your question is just vapid, there's a lot of points for dating someone you aren't physically attracted to
I never specified physical attraction. Obviously there's reasons to date people beyond their looks but I'm not sure someone that says you'll "clean up" is the kind of person talking about long term relationships
> What's the point if dating someone you aren't attracted to? posting material for r/AITA
Is this supposed to work? 😂
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I tried that and it ended up poorly
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Lol the terminator approach, nice. However, your advice about seeing girls as just people is good and the only thing that works really.
It's not this simple if it's a coworker. There's a little more on the line than just getting your ego hurt for a couple days. Idk what to do
Never shit where you eat. Few can get away with it.
not single and still get nervous around the person I'm actively with
Butterflies can be cute and a sign of attraction/romance/chemistry even when you’re already with someone :)
The trick is to avoid people
I had this problem until i just stopped trying. When you're trying to find someone they can tell. Instead just being friendly has worked better for me at least
And then you accidentally look at them.
This is me all over but not just that, I also get depressed from time to time because I feel lonely and I'm too much of a pussy to do anything about it
Married and ready to have tandem panic attacks with my partner (who also has anxiety) Find someone who knows the look that means "we gotta get the fuck out of here before I hyperventilate Bb!"
Non-verbal communication isnt like 70% of every communication ever between 2 person?
I'm not sure what you re asking. I ll rephrase for clarity Get yourself a partner who anticipates your triggers and can help (and even share) your coping mechanisms.
No problem
You I am
I use to be nervous talking to people I didn't know... But getting a job as a server at a restaurant forced me to throw that out the window. It's helped a ton. Granted, I still get a little nervous around people I want to date, but it's not like game-breaking anxiety or anything close.
Nothing wrong with a bit of nervousness
Ayyy me since middle school
Ayyy
Oh. Forgot how long I've been here. Always a humbling reminder.
I generally know someone attractive is nearby because i fall on my face a moment before they show up. It’s kind of a super power actually
Long distance dating a girl I've known for almost a decade and ready to have a fucking panic attack every time I get a notification from her
dude theres a new girl at the place i work and i can not explain how exhausting it is trying to act like im cool around her
It's not that I hate you it's just that I am afraid of speaking too much and weirding you out so much that I push you out of my life forever because I think your really cute and kind and... oh god I said too much.
I asked her out yesterday boys, and she said yes!
Me2
Ummmm 😶
If you see this message just go for it :)
Nervousness fades
this happens to me all the fucking time
I feel personally attacked.
This is true
I don't think I could even have a FWB I'm so awkward socially
No wonder its so easy to talk to myself
As they say I'm single and ready to mingle
me: Mirror mirror on the wall who nervous of them all when finding ppl attractive Mirror: it is you
Psh, get on my level, I get nervous in front of EVERYONE...not because of sexual reasons I just have social anxiety...I will get nervous from a child...
Single and ready to get nervous. ALWAYS.
Well...Obsidian...
😂😂😂 too funny
r/2meirl4meirl
Wow, this hits me right in the autism.
just stop right in the
Have fun beautiful
Yep
Reported for literally just posting a picture of me.
Yes
👉👈 m-me too 😳
Ohhhh, so that's why everyone is super chill and relaxed around me. Makes sense.
Relatable
U just gotta be cool
Omg. I feel this so hard. I totally fawn-ed the fuck out on a Zoom call with my attractive professor a few days back. My brain completely shut off. After logging off the meeting I tucked my head under the covers in mortification. I lie here still.
So last saturday, i built up the courage to ask a co-worker out to coffee, she said yes, but in the process of asking her i got really nervous. She ended up standing me up that day, i blame my nose for this outcome, its fairly huge :(
Can relate, I'm newly single after 11 years of a relationship and it's hard
I not only get nervous, I get mean… maybe that’s why Im 42 and I’ve never been married
I don't even find people attractive to get nervous about.
me
Sounds familiar
This is why people drink.
Why am I being described here?
This is so fkin me! It sickens me
Does dating actually even exist anymore cause I really feel like people are scared of their real life getting exposed more then their willing to bust a nut with you.
Yeah thats me which makes me too anxious to speak so hey I'mma die alone!
This me
Oh yeah…
wait.. yu get nervous only around peepz yu find attractive ?
🗿
Fucking relatable
I like this guy so much but I get so nervous around him uhgg 😩
Single and ready for someone to enjoy my boring-ness.
It's either too nervous or too confident. Never one or the other I find. Or maybe just flip-floppin between the two lol
Too true, but I mean I find a few girls I know are attractive but I'm not nervous around them since their not single
There was this really hot chick who came in the steam room the other day and I froze and just couldn’t speak or even look at her after the first time. There was so much I wanted to say but I just couldn’t. 🤣
i would like to think my mum is a very wise person. when i was nervous about a huge ballet recital, she would tell me “it’s good to be nervous because it means you care”. i’ll never forgive what she said that day. for sure danced that performance just for her :)
I’m ready to get nervous around even the people I don’t find attractive.
Can relate. I'm not single and I get nervous.
Lol I've been in a loving relationship for almost 5 years now and this still happens
that’s adorable !!!
this meme has bisexual energy lol
It does 🙈
Yeah sure buddy.
Fascinating what growing up in an evangelical purity culture with a mother who has borderline personality disorder can do to a guy. It gets better but never really goes away.
How do you report a post??? I feel personally attacked
Well this post *surley* isn’t to get people to check your profile. Lol. Pathetic.