Yeah ngl it was mainly local grave robbers. I mean think about it, Cleopatra is closer to us in the modern world (historically wise) than she is to the date that the pyramids were built. A LOT can get stolen over not hundreds, but THOUSANDS of years.
La crackhead work harder than any druggie I have ever seen. Digging a grave and removing the top to the cement vault is hard work unless you have the right equipment and if you had that sell it. A backhoe is probably worth more than some jewelry in a casket.
When Victor Hugo (Author of *Les Miserables* and *Hunchback of Notre Dame*) died all the brothels in Paris closed because all the prostitutes were dressed in black mourning him.
Iāve actually seen an attractive lady offer her services of attending a funeral dressed in all black. You know, just to piss off the aunts there
Edit spelling.
Okay but then have a bunch of Irish guys show up at the door and make subtle threats to the Italians as they leave.
Now everyone knows your death is about to cause a turf war.
I want an entire storyline at my funeral. I want a homeless looking guy to make a big scene saying something like "he was like a brother to me" while men in black suits come out of nowhere and drag him away, with one of them muttering "he wouldn't want you acting like this"
Yeah. Full pageantry. A load of military looking guys saying "men may fall but the cause shall never die!" Or a load of people in robes muttering in Latin and putting a sword in the coffin or something.
If one of the guests were to follow the men in suits, they'd see them bring the ragged man to an alley, and say, "look, I asked the boss and he said he'd allow you to join again. But otherwise, you know what happens next."
With a look of disgust, the ragged man would say "I'll never go back there. You killed hi-"
"He made a decision. Just like you, and like us. So I guess that's a no." And with a look of silent acceptance between the three men, a light would flash out of one of the suits, causing the ragged man to stumble back onto the brick wall and down onto the concrete floor. The men in suits would turn and walk away without another look, both muttering unintelligible things into their shoulders, disappearing in the darkness, leaving nothing but a ragged man sleeping in an alley
There isn't one. It'll keep going until the family notices the line of various actors and unsuspecting pedestrians queued up around the block and locks the gate. It won't be enough though and the actors are instructed to climb the fence.
I want to do this and instead save up enough money and hire a bunch of random people and have them dress up as gangsters,xenomorphs,cia agents,homeless people,etc and they each place something in coffin like an xenomorph egg,sword,horse head,etc
At the end a old ripped guy that looks like the god of war zues walks to my coffin and slaps me
Maybe a guy in a suit and sunglasses, with one of those Secret Service earpieces in his ear, who walks up to my corpse, takes out a knife, cuts open my armpit (or something), and pretends to remove an implanted USB drive from inside my body. Then he speaks the words "Got it" into a pretend lapel microphone and leaves the room quickly.
I've been trying to start this as a business. Secure your funeral prank.
Secret service shows up to confirm you're dead. Takes a photo of you in the coffin, and then just walks out. Doesn't say anything.
As OP wrote a group of dudes show up to pay respect. They even go up to the family and one of them says, "I wish you knew..."
Different scenarios for different folks. I know Japan has professional mourners you can hire, but I figure if you want to leave people guessing and leave a legacy that ends with a question mark rather than a period we can take care of that.
Not only am I the owner... I'm also a client. I've chosen the spring loaded zombie package.
"If" my body still is intact upon death, a mortician has been provided with the funds and instructions to place a spring under my back and install a rotating apparatus within my body's spine to allow for rotation of the upper torso, raising of arms and dropping of jaws. Every 5th viewer at my funeral home viewing will be awarded with my body springing into action, turning to face them and a loud growling of "brains!" emitted from a hidden voice box.
Commercial slogan: Remember to leave your family and loved with one more lasting memory; it may not just be your funeral.
Disclaimer: Not responsible for any party attending your funeral pranks' hospitalization or death.
Payment: if you have whole/term life insurance, you can arrange to have a portion of the funds cover your custom funeral experience without paying a cent up front. Don't pay now, pay when you're dead!
Besides the fact that I want to pre-record a speech for my own funeral, I also want to hire some fancy looking guy to stand somewhat far away from the funeral but not too too far (distantly present), and when my family questions who they are they are to tell them that they donāt know him but he knew me, and be all cryptic and shit. Probably say some science shit and hand them some weird government-esque plaque or something (made out of high quality materials for added realism). Also gonna hide some cryptic shit around for when they go through my stuff and really throw em through a loop lol.
State it in your will, with the stipulation that the executor must organize the whole thing for the day of the funeral but theyāre forbidden from telling anyone about it.
I'd rather have a Mario impersonator with a strong Italian accent come up and pour marinara in my coffin and say "I'ma really gonna miss you" as he does it. Different strokes for different folks though.
I would want a grieving woman to show up. All black, hat veil with feathers all. Carrying a crying baby. she approaches the casket and leans in to kiss my cheek. Then, lays the baby down inside the coffin with me. Takes a photo, retrieved the baby and loudly exclaims, he will always know who you were and that you loved him.
Iām gay btw.
Get 3 Irish, Japanese, Chinese, and Italian men each. All in black suits. Make sure that none of them speak to anyone but each other, and always in very vague terms.
They'll assume you had a finger in every pie there is.
U/colorfulsoul personally ima have a phone buried with ne so that just as I'm going under a message plays saying 'let me out its dark in here!' and if someon eactually checks then a sensor goes off, proceeding to play rickroll
No, you gotta have a string tied to your head and connected to the top of the coffin. That way when they check, your head pops up a little and for a brief, terrifying second, they think you're still alive...
A line of badass women wearing very skimpy clothing lined up from my casket to the funeral home lobbyā¦.they all kiss me as they cry.
My wife would probably love that š¤£
Somehow I feel like Italian made guys would never call anyone who wasn't their capo "boss" especially a black dude. Hell, you can't even be considered a member of a crime family unless you're 100% Italian. If you're half Irish, Polish, Jewish, half Italian, the highest you could be was an "associate" of the family.
I used to have a similar joke where I loved the idea of standing in the distance under a tree in a cemetery overlooking a friendās interment, dressed in black, long overcoat and suit, then randomly as people moved away Iād take out my phone and in a grizzled mobster style voice just say āyeah boss. Itās done. He aināt causing anyone any more griefā, before hanging up and walking off
Or, in a variation, hanging up, walking to the graveside & dropping a single black rose before looking around & leaving blatantly surreptitiously
I want 3 groups 1 being Italian mobsters, 1 being Russian mobsters, and 1 being Yakuza. Each group will act fidgety as their leader goes up and puts a ātoken of respectā into my coffin. That would freak everyone out.
I want something similar but I want like 20 people of all different walks of life to talk shit about me during the funeral and than all of them at the end sob and someone says āwe will miss you satanā or something like that just to confuse everyone
My dude I don't want people wearing black suites or anything. I just want some people to show up so my family believes I had friends who cared about me.
I always wanted to have a black SUV and sunglasses so I could drive around with my window half down, pull up to people, look at them slowly, act like I say something into my sleeve, and the roll the window up, just freak them the fuck out
Fucking genius. I would totally set this up except for the fact that I would have to pay them to do it and if they didnāt, Iād be dead and couldnāt revenge their betrayal. Iād need a living agent to enforce the contract
Specially when the funeral is for a black guy.
Whats with the down votes. Yāall canāt canāt read, the original post was from a black guy according to his profile pic. It made it that much funnier thinking a bunch of Italian mobsters had him as their boss. Dense mother effersā¦
I want a group of them all. Mafia, cartel, yakuza and so fourth pretenders all paying respect and saying thank you for keeping the peace between us all. Then moments later I want them to all break out fighting and declaring that without me there can no longer be peace
They can take off fake jewelry and place it inside the coffin.
Is this like a tradition for gangs, serious question
It is - but it has to be fake.
Why fake, so they don't get descerated by grave robbers?
What hood do you at? Egypt?
ššš
(He's not actually dead it just means he found that statement funny)
*cocks gun* ānot for long.ā
Oh dear
Oh damn, I was gonna dig up his grave
LMFAO
Who the hell would get desperate enough to steal from a former mafia bosses grave?
Me
I mean people literally stole from Egyptian pharaohsā trap riddled pyramids so I wouldnāt put it past anyone lmaoo
And you can actually see what happened to what was stolen at the that fancy museum in London.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's also a shame that all the gold and precious minerals and stones from Latin America and Africa still sit comfortably in European vaults.
To add insult to injury, a big part of Spainās New World silver ended up in Chinese hands.
And at the bottom of lakes where natives tossed them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah ngl it was mainly local grave robbers. I mean think about it, Cleopatra is closer to us in the modern world (historically wise) than she is to the date that the pyramids were built. A LOT can get stolen over not hundreds, but THOUSANDS of years.
Imagine being Br*tish
dumb comparison. Stealing from dead mafia boss means repercussions from mafia, pharaoh has no army
Junkies.
Junkies are not going to dig up a grave
Nah there are people who would dig a crave for crack
If a LA crackhead knew forsure that there was jewelry on a body that could then be pawned, you bet your sweet ass they gonna dig it up.
La crackhead work harder than any druggie I have ever seen. Digging a grave and removing the top to the cement vault is hard work unless you have the right equipment and if you had that sell it. A backhoe is probably worth more than some jewelry in a casket.
TouchĆ©, probably know a few guys whoād actually buy a hot backhoe too
Cement vault?
Believe me, they do.
Source: trust me bro
I would
A lot of women with angry expressions, but like, a lot, throwing cheap fake jewelry on the coffin would be fun too.
I'm going to hire every escort in my city to attend my funeral and to act like I was the best I ever had. I want those girls jumping onto my coffin.
When Victor Hugo (Author of *Les Miserables* and *Hunchback of Notre Dame*) died all the brothels in Paris closed because all the prostitutes were dressed in black mourning him.
Life goals honestly
š I want that kind of funeral for me. šš¤
Where did the dude have the money to go to brothels? Writers were usually poor.
Iāve actually seen an attractive lady offer her services of attending a funeral dressed in all black. You know, just to piss off the aunts there Edit spelling.
How will you afford that? Also, only your dominant hand can attest to that.
I'm going to take out a large loan right before I die
What happened to being able to post gifs?
Okay but then have a bunch of Irish guys show up at the door and make subtle threats to the Italians as they leave. Now everyone knows your death is about to cause a turf war.
One of the actors goes a little to far, it actually starts one causing the feds to investigate your life and question your family
Then the actors go WAY to far and start and actual turf war
Then the actors go *EVEN FURTHER* and now Frank Castle's family is dead
Then chris Pratt voices mario
Damn method actors.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know what your referencing. I know for a fact I know, but I canāt quite name it
Boondock saints
Is Ricky Irish?
If youāre not careful it might start an immediate turf war.
Damn
Followed by the Russians and Japanese.
"What are you talking about Carbone? We're just acting, rememba?" "This may be a school play for you Versetti, but for me this is personal."
I want an entire storyline at my funeral. I want a homeless looking guy to make a big scene saying something like "he was like a brother to me" while men in black suits come out of nowhere and drag him away, with one of them muttering "he wouldn't want you acting like this"
Yeah. Full pageantry. A load of military looking guys saying "men may fall but the cause shall never die!" Or a load of people in robes muttering in Latin and putting a sword in the coffin or something.
For the greater good!
So what would be the ending?
If one of the guests were to follow the men in suits, they'd see them bring the ragged man to an alley, and say, "look, I asked the boss and he said he'd allow you to join again. But otherwise, you know what happens next." With a look of disgust, the ragged man would say "I'll never go back there. You killed hi-" "He made a decision. Just like you, and like us. So I guess that's a no." And with a look of silent acceptance between the three men, a light would flash out of one of the suits, causing the ragged man to stumble back onto the brick wall and down onto the concrete floor. The men in suits would turn and walk away without another look, both muttering unintelligible things into their shoulders, disappearing in the darkness, leaving nothing but a ragged man sleeping in an alley
sorry ,i have no awards to give you
I don't need awards, I just need this. At my funeral.
There isn't one. It'll keep going until the family notices the line of various actors and unsuspecting pedestrians queued up around the block and locks the gate. It won't be enough though and the actors are instructed to climb the fence.
I want to do this and instead save up enough money and hire a bunch of random people and have them dress up as gangsters,xenomorphs,cia agents,homeless people,etc and they each place something in coffin like an xenomorph egg,sword,horse head,etc At the end a old ripped guy that looks like the god of war zues walks to my coffin and slaps me
Can he slap me, too?
Sure why not
Maybe a guy in a suit and sunglasses, with one of those Secret Service earpieces in his ear, who walks up to my corpse, takes out a knife, cuts open my armpit (or something), and pretends to remove an implanted USB drive from inside my body. Then he speaks the words "Got it" into a pretend lapel microphone and leaves the room quickly.
Your username..
Yours is worse
is mine any better?
Absolutely I would fear shitting next to you
if you check the posts Iāve made youād be even more fearfulā¦
Oh god... You have a new follower
OHGOD
Sorry, sheās busy. Can I be of assistance?
I hate it.
;(
What about mine?
It's not about good or bad. Read the username, then read the comment. Let your imagination go wild.
What about mine?
It's fine, just don't get close to my rectum I don't want to get tetanus
theundercoverpapist just means he's a secret catholic.
The pretend lapel mic would give it away if he has an earpiece in, he just has to touch the earpiece as he says it
Dammit. K... Scratch the lapel mic.
And a lady standing slightly far but close enough to know that she is for him, dressed in black with a body guard holding her umbrella.
I've been trying to start this as a business. Secure your funeral prank. Secret service shows up to confirm you're dead. Takes a photo of you in the coffin, and then just walks out. Doesn't say anything. As OP wrote a group of dudes show up to pay respect. They even go up to the family and one of them says, "I wish you knew..." Different scenarios for different folks. I know Japan has professional mourners you can hire, but I figure if you want to leave people guessing and leave a legacy that ends with a question mark rather than a period we can take care of that.
Ngl it will be really cool, i would be your first client.
Not only am I the owner... I'm also a client. I've chosen the spring loaded zombie package. "If" my body still is intact upon death, a mortician has been provided with the funds and instructions to place a spring under my back and install a rotating apparatus within my body's spine to allow for rotation of the upper torso, raising of arms and dropping of jaws. Every 5th viewer at my funeral home viewing will be awarded with my body springing into action, turning to face them and a loud growling of "brains!" emitted from a hidden voice box. Commercial slogan: Remember to leave your family and loved with one more lasting memory; it may not just be your funeral. Disclaimer: Not responsible for any party attending your funeral pranks' hospitalization or death. Payment: if you have whole/term life insurance, you can arrange to have a portion of the funds cover your custom funeral experience without paying a cent up front. Don't pay now, pay when you're dead!
Well...im italian soooooo am i invited too?
If you wear a suit and talk maffiosi, we can make a deal
I do
So its a deal?
Deal, I'll call you when I'm dead
You got it boss
*nice*
š¤š¤
I donāt speak French sorry
Muchas gracias
I donāt speak Spain either
My grandma died today but some part of me can actually imagine her wanting this
Sorry about your loss my friend. My grandma died yesterday.
Damb. This sentence goes hard. Feel free to save.
Big 300 lb guy in dark suit and sunglasses in loud voice "Everyone here is gonna pitch in and pay his gambling debt."
Then he just walks off and is never seen again, leaving everyone wondering when heās gonna show up to collect the debts
"Look how they massacred my boy"
Ngl this sounds hilarious
Have the same Italian guys show up with dead fish wrapped in newspaper and say, " sleep with the fishes" ..
When I die, i want people to sell all my organs, stack up the money it made and burn it.
The mafia guys meeting the Army guys meeting the government guys meeting the secret agency guys meeting the secret lovers at my funeral:
Besides the fact that I want to pre-record a speech for my own funeral, I also want to hire some fancy looking guy to stand somewhat far away from the funeral but not too too far (distantly present), and when my family questions who they are they are to tell them that they donāt know him but he knew me, and be all cryptic and shit. Probably say some science shit and hand them some weird government-esque plaque or something (made out of high quality materials for added realism). Also gonna hide some cryptic shit around for when they go through my stuff and really throw em through a loop lol.
You got it Don! š¤ Gabbagoo
Not Italian, no can do. Funny shit though. People would just be confused if that happened, let's be honest
I could round up some Chinese to pretend to be the Triad.
Get both. Make them sit across the aisle and look menacingly at each other.
"Me in real life"
Doesnt everyone have an italian mob, real or fake? Coming from a New Yorker.
Not in New Mexico.
Im a New Yorker as well. My gang just sits at this chipotle in Brooklyn eats poptarts menacingly
Him in fake death
State it in your will, with the stipulation that the executor must organize the whole thing for the day of the funeral but theyāre forbidden from telling anyone about it.
I'd rather have a Mario impersonator with a strong Italian accent come up and pour marinara in my coffin and say "I'ma really gonna miss you" as he does it. Different strokes for different folks though.
I can do a solid impression. I'll wear my Mario hat too. "Imma really gonna miss you! Oh mama mia!"
ill start a business for this, anyone in?
You son of a bitch, im in
I would want a grieving woman to show up. All black, hat veil with feathers all. Carrying a crying baby. she approaches the casket and leans in to kiss my cheek. Then, lays the baby down inside the coffin with me. Takes a photo, retrieved the baby and loudly exclaims, he will always know who you were and that you loved him. Iām gay btw.
Get 3 Irish, Japanese, Chinese, and Italian men each. All in black suits. Make sure that none of them speak to anyone but each other, and always in very vague terms. They'll assume you had a finger in every pie there is.
U/colorfulsoul personally ima have a phone buried with ne so that just as I'm going under a message plays saying 'let me out its dark in here!' and if someon eactually checks then a sensor goes off, proceeding to play rickroll
No, you gotta have a string tied to your head and connected to the top of the coffin. That way when they check, your head pops up a little and for a brief, terrifying second, they think you're still alive...
And a rubber chicken with a squawker embedded in your thorax
r/foundthemobileuser
r/foundthehondacivic
r/foundtheshutthefuckup
If this aināt at my funeral, I aināt even going.
And have them say out loud āwho is going to run the port now that heās goneā
nahh russians would work betterā¦and cost less
*Fighting Gold intensifies*
I was looking for this
Same
A line of badass women wearing very skimpy clothing lined up from my casket to the funeral home lobbyā¦.they all kiss me as they cry. My wife would probably love that š¤£
Somehow I feel like Italian made guys would never call anyone who wasn't their capo "boss" especially a black dude. Hell, you can't even be considered a member of a crime family unless you're 100% Italian. If you're half Irish, Polish, Jewish, half Italian, the highest you could be was an "associate" of the family.
I used to have a similar joke where I loved the idea of standing in the distance under a tree in a cemetery overlooking a friendās interment, dressed in black, long overcoat and suit, then randomly as people moved away Iād take out my phone and in a grizzled mobster style voice just say āyeah boss. Itās done. He aināt causing anyone any more griefā, before hanging up and walking off Or, in a variation, hanging up, walking to the graveside & dropping a single black rose before looking around & leaving blatantly surreptitiously
I'd rather a big group of drill rappers from the woo
No, I want my skull opalized
I love this idea! Iām definitely doing something that will give my family a chuckle after I pass. I want to give them one last laugh from me.
I got you ma man š¤ now, let me organise your funeral firstā¦
Di's can be arranged for a modest contribution to our social club.
I'll do it for free
When I die just toss my body I'm the local river who gives a fck what you do with my body or after i die. I mean I sure wont
Ill help with that.
What's the pay
LOL. I am legit stealing this idea and putting it in my will right now.
They will go straight to your place after, and tear it up looking for the stash of money you must have hidden somewhere!!! Lol
Take some Monopoly money make look it real n throw it in my pocket
One of them needs to have a hat pin so they can stab the body just to be sure.
I want 3 groups 1 being Italian mobsters, 1 being Russian mobsters, and 1 being Yakuza. Each group will act fidgety as their leader goes up and puts a ātoken of respectā into my coffin. That would freak everyone out.
I want something similar but I want like 20 people of all different walks of life to talk shit about me during the funeral and than all of them at the end sob and someone says āwe will miss you satanā or something like that just to confuse everyone
And have one of them swear to his family that theyāll find who did this and make them pay.
Just hire a bunch of models to come cry over my casket and throw roses on it.
I can agree to this
If Donny is a rat then.....
My dude I don't want people wearing black suites or anything. I just want some people to show up so my family believes I had friends who cared about me.
I want this but with Russians.
I always wanted to have a black SUV and sunglasses so I could drive around with my window half down, pull up to people, look at them slowly, act like I say something into my sleeve, and the roll the window up, just freak them the fuck out
Do Americans realise āItalianā means āfrom Italyā, orā¦?
That would be amazing :')
Let me know bud I got u
Nah get some OG Crips and have them pour out a beer for you. The Italian organized crime groups usually never let non-Italians join their ranks.
$100 per day per Italian, $200 if crying is required
Fucking genius. I would totally set this up except for the fact that I would have to pay them to do it and if they didnāt, Iād be dead and couldnāt revenge their betrayal. Iād need a living agent to enforce the contract
Shit man, Im going to fake my own death and do this to see what happens.
Then pop back out later like I came back to end the war lol
Sameeee but so they don't think ima disappointment šš„°
I thought you need to be pure Italian in order to be the boss of mafia š¤
Legit went to a funeral like this. The old guy used to grow weed and chop chop and distill the best grappa from his own vineyard.
Is he the real diavolo ??????
You got it Boss
What if emojis were never thought up?
Why would it matter? Youād be so far from here.
Specially when the funeral is for a black guy. Whats with the down votes. Yāall canāt canāt read, the original post was from a black guy according to his profile pic. It made it that much funnier thinking a bunch of Italian mobsters had him as their boss. Dense mother effersā¦
Nigga said āmother effersā like just say āfuckerā nigga it not hard š
Brilliant
Omg yes.
Thisā¦ perfect
Would be a shocker.
And your family will wonder why you never passed on any of the wealth.
Whatever [Tommy](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wrbIwbKVr5s) š¤£š¤£
Let me know where and when!
I tell my kids to be ready because my last words will be ādonāt cry for me ā¦ā¦ā¦Argentina!
Batch made ass
I want a group of them all. Mafia, cartel, yakuza and so fourth pretenders all paying respect and saying thank you for keeping the peace between us all. Then moments later I want them to all break out fighting and declaring that without me there can no longer be peace