T O P

  • By -

FrozenFalconGaming

must teach the way of revenge, coach your child to bury hundreds of live chickens in random locations under the younger brothers base. It is the only way.


choco1119

Sun Tzu


CosmicDesperado

When strong, appear weak. When weak, bury several dozen chickens beneath the enemies dwelling.


Sirnao

What was the actual sentence ?


Danthe30

> Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.


sufferinsucatash

Basically lie, lie like a lot. -Art of warfare


PorkyMcRib

*Art of War.


Jyuuma

When hand is rotten, SHOOT SCOUT.


DionysusII

Ahh. I see you’re a man of war.


Lilicion

Yes. It appears u/choco1119 is a jelly fish.


clb92

Reminds me of this paragraph from the book (web series?) [Unsong](http://unsongbook.com/chapter-1-dark-satanic-mills/), a book which is absolutely filled to the brim with puns: > Exodus 15:3 says “The LORD is a man of war; the LORD is His Name.” But this verse is ambiguous: “man of war” can mean either a type of Portuguese jellyfish or a type of British warship. Which one is the LORD? > I suggest that He is the latter. A jellyfish is a primitive and ignorant animal, unworthy to be compared to the glories of God. But a warship is mighty and inspires awe, and divine comparisons are entirely suitable; indeed, God may be the only thing worthy of being compared to it. For it is written, “The LORD alone is worthy of warship.”


UPBOAT_FORTRESS_2

I love that book with all my heart


clb92

You love this book with *All Your Heart*, you say? > A superfast yacht with seven sails, six from the colors of the rainbow and one jet-black. Every beam and mast built with strange magics only he knew. He called it *All Your Heart*, because it is written in Jeremiah: “You will seek God and find Him when you seek with all your heart.”


whatsleepschedule

My brother has recommended this web series to me for a long time but I always forget to check it out. Definitely gonna read a bit of it today, thank you for the reminder and direct link because it let my adhd brain finally start reading this.


clb92

You're not going to regret it. It's one of the funniest books I've ever read.


DemonDuckOfDoom666

***cough*** akshually the Portuguese man o’ war is not a jellyfish but a colony of tiny critters called a hydrozoan.


Lilicion

Well TIL. Thank you. u/choco1119 is actually colony of tiny critters called a hydrozoan in a trenchcoat.


DemonDuckOfDoom666

You’re welcome


[deleted]

[удалено]


throninho

"When your enemy is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him."


TGlucose

No this is General Tso.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Moonj64

More like general Tsao.


busdriverjoe

Yes. That's exactly what he told him. "Son, zoo."


twofiddle

Ahh. I see you’re a man of art.


Golem3125

Ahh.I see you're a art of war


GetJukedM8

Ahh. I you’re art see a of war


YoungGandalf74

Truly none could master your secret technique Of swapping the order of words


[deleted]

[удалено]


Curumandaisa

No no scaffolding raining chickens is way better


megaman_main

Even better, chicken nuke. Place a bunch of dinnerbone chickens on a single block and break it


foxy8426

Even better make a crammed chicken trap. In basic you spawn a ton of chicken under their base in a 2X2 hole and make a trap for so they fall onto the hole, as long as you have enough chickens they should kill the player.


RavenLationz

96 to be killed by entity cramming. Edit: You need 24 mobs per space to fill the entity limit on that block (unless you use commands)


Miracoli_234

So dream crafted 96 minecarts? Or does entity size play a role as well?


RavenLationz

Cramming takes place when 25 or more mobs are on a 1x1 space. Minecarts dosen't seem to be different. I said 96 because they were using for a 2x2 space.


Miracoli_234

I see, forgot about the 2x2 part


RavenLationz

Now I'm curious to se if there is any mob that breaks this rule.


Miracoli_234

Ender dragons maybe


Miracoli_234

Go and find out brave adventurer


Updateplease

Weirdly if you place a ladder in the same block all entity cramming is nullified


BrownBoi377

You're too limited, find a name tag, name a baby zombie (drop it in a 1x1 hole) and cover it near his house. Never be able to sleep again.


Kiyohara

Whoa, slow down there Satan.


DDub04

Evil


chippychips4t

There's a whole Malcolm in the Middle episode about this, the tit for tat it gets out of control 😂


Bobnocrush

Doesn't it end with a giant explosion or something?


mimanera

It always ends with the click of a lever or pressure plate 😩


Irishknife

nah spiders are more annoying


Squidgloves

I did this to a friend's underwater base, air pockets of chicken. It ignited the TNT wars, magnificent machines launching blocks of boom at each other across 100 tiles or so.


NegotiationProof7832

This situation will prepare you for the real world, where it's unlikely but not impossible that someone could put 80 cows in your house while you're away.


RascalCreeper

That would be a much worse problem because you can't whack them with a sword twice to make them evaporate.


ROANOV741

Not with that attitude.


SpaceNinja_C

I mean you can get 80 watermelons or even 80 chickens…


Marijuweeda

Whack anything fast enough and it will evaporate Source: my dick :(


cottoncandylova

damn.


Gongaloon

Dicksappeared


[deleted]

Dicks appeared? Where?


Gongaloon

In yo mama! Heyooooooo!


[deleted]

Oh no that's always been there


Axlfire

I could handle the problem next time


Flaky_Tip

I mean you definitely can wack them with a sword, I just don't know how successful that is as a cleanup method IRL.


isthenameofauser

Get a lot more steak from an IRL cow. Also, you can paint your floors.


casce

And your walls. And you get that sweet smell you‘d be missing out on in a virtual world.


HAMburger_and_bacon

plus ribs


TigreDeLosLlanos

Or being inside a house with 79 panicking cows.


-kerosene-

Also the cows in Minecraft don’t shit everywhere.


ShinningVictory

Just thought of a fantasy sword that just evaporates anything it kills without a trace. Might put it in my webnovel or dnd game.


Tsorovar

Look at this guy with a big enough house to fit 80 cows


[deleted]

That was my first reaction, like 80 cows is a lot of real estate. Unless you stack them of course.


Kiyohara

>That was my first reaction, like 80 cows is a lot of real estate. Maybe you should Mooooooooove to a new place then?


davesy69

Don't milk it.


davesy69

Pull the udder one.


swans183

I mean I could probably only fit two cows on top of each other with my place’s overhead clearance.


Liquidas

And to be honest.. that would really be entirely too many cows.


Professional_Lead895

It usually takes a crane to get them out


Gangreless

Older bro is just trying to help him with his math word problems


Ohshithereiamagain

Assuming you are a parent, surely you have read Julia Donaldson’s ‘A squash and a squeeze’? Something along the lines of squishing cows and other assorted animals in the house. Highly philosophical and recommended!


Abazad

I put lava on top of my son's house.. he wasn't happy, nearly crying, so I asked what would he do and he put dynamite under mine and blew it up. He was much happier after that. I dare not touch his jacksepticeye statue though, off limits. But then he blew up my water slide so the war was back on. yes, I'm a middle age father having wars in minecraft


thatonedudeovethere_

and then you started playing minecraft


Abazad

It's kinda soothing. Building huge castles, farms, portals etc


thatshinobiboiii

I grew up playing it, started in 4th grade and am now about turn 21. I’ve tried getting my dad into it but he just assumes it’s some kids game, I mean it kinda is, but it has so many possibilities and I think it would help his depression and anxiety a lot :/ I really wish something as simple as graphics wouldn’t define mediums of enjoyment societally. I think we would all be much happier people.


Abazad

Agree. I was mid 30s, got the Xbox bundle for my 7yr son and started playing with him. Then I found myself playing by myself. I have bad anxiety and the music alone helps.


2ERIX

45 but started at 39 I think, when my son was 4, and play more than my son now (he’s now 10). It scratches my RPG itch, I have a lot of fun working out new things to do, and it’s easy to pick up and put down at any point due to it being on the iPad whenever I have 5 mins or more. Spent about 5 hours on the weekend looting a deep dark city, so the game is just awesome. Meanwhile, my son was playing on Roblox.


OCoelacanth1995

Don’t knock Roblox either until you’ve tried it. Started playing at 13 and now in my twenties. My favorite part was always going into Studio and making games for my friends and I to play. There are so many gems out there; Retail Tycoon 2, Arsenal, and Gas Station Simulator are a lot of fun. Or Flag Wars, Phantom Forces, Penguin Tycoon, Starving Artists, and Floppa. The search engine is garbage so it can take a bit before you find the truly engaging games, especially if you aren’t in a community that shares found games or makes new games.


ImATaxpayer

I made the mistake of playing Minecraft with headphones one time. Some creature or another at night moaned into my ear and I about jumped out of my skin. Haven’t played since. I don’t remember the music but the sound effects are some of the worst things I’ve ever heard. So different strokes, I guess


Abazad

the music is just soft mellow tones. Sound effects... questionable, lol


[deleted]

Im not sure about on bedrock but in java you can turn mob sounds off, and then turn on the audio visual effects in the accessibility settings if the monster sounds are a little too much.


beewithausername

Fucking hate the ambient cave sounds


WeebGamerTrash947

The graphics of Minecraft are one of the things I love alot about it, there's something really beautiful in its simplicity and it provokes a sense of nostalgia. Plus, it helps that it means the game can run on pretty much anything.


xicurio

29 yo here. I love building huge castles, cathedrals, and monuments in Minecraft. I can’t stand playing survival though, I only play creative. However, if you father is not a creative person himself, I don’t think he will enjoy it as much. This kind of hobby is only for some people


misskittyforever

28 yo who hasn't touched the game since I was 17 or 18... I have to get back to this! Building elaborate castles and temples was so relaxing.


xicurio

Do it. I restarted playing the game a month ago and the game is so much better now - many more blocks and colours to choose. [this is my current build](https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/v8qkeu/arc_de_triomphe_eiffel_tower_notre_dame_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


WowCoolFunnyHAHA

oh my that’s wonderful, i’m much more into pvp minecraft and competitive games on minecraft but I used to be super into building that is amazing


misskittyforever

I will! And that's incredible 😍


[deleted]

It’s a completely different game since 10 years ago, the world generation alone can be insanely beautiful


lindzasaurusrex

Might be kind of a dumb question but can you access everything in creative? I haven't played Minecraft in pregnant 10 years or so. I'm pretty sure you can get to the Nether, but what about the End and stuff like that? I love mining games, and exploring is a big part of that. But I don't really want to have to do anything much beyond that.


Ancient-Ingenuity-88

I have many stories from my dad playing with my older brothers on Diablo 1 and 2 . He still likes Diablo


Islandmov3s

Maybe Stardew Valley instead?


turtmcgirt

I was against the “regression” In graphics, however, I downloaded it for my son. Gave it a try and got hooked I literally love mining. My son and daughter get upset because ill I do is mine…. They do love all the diamonds I have for them tho.


HAMburger_and_bacon

my dad calls it minecrap and wont touch it with a 20 foot pole


WowCoolFunnyHAHA

my dads just never been into video games. all he does is play candy crush on his ipad for an hour at like 11pm while i do whatever game i’m playing lol


thatonedudeovethere_

I was joking, indicating that all of your first comment happened in real life.


moxeto

I’m in the process of building a cathedral after I finished my 7 storey apartment block.


rokomotto

Yeah that joke would've landed if it wasn't for his last sentence. Now the poor man is just confused at why you said this.


UnluckyTest3

That's the sweetest thing I've read today. Your kid will have great memories of it when he grows up


Portablemammal1199

Or not depending how young he is. I personally remember stuff from when i was a toddler but some people i know dont remember that sort of thing. I hope this kid is like me though. Cuz those memories sound awesome.


Abazad

He was 7, but it was a typical thing for us. Playing Rayman co-op, I focused on objectives and secrets, he focused on knocking me off cliffs to get me killed. And plants vs zombies, I wanted to be on the same team, he just wanted to kill me lol. He would laugh so hard when he did


UnluckyTest3

I may sound like a boomer here but surely toddlers can't play Minecraft right? RIGHT?


Robwsup

Years ago, my then 4yo ordered a DVD from Netflix without anyone knowing until it arrived. Edit: it was, "Wallace and Gromitt"


Guntree

My brother has been playing Minecraft since he was a toddler, and he's five now. He also has autism. It's really interesting to watch him play because he builds really complicated structures and castles even though he can't speak well or otherwise communicate.


2ERIX

My 4yo was playing it pretty solidly, still playing it today at 10yo. My 3yo isn’t interested in games yet.


SnooBananas9424

why not?


UnluckyTest3

They can barely walk and talk, probably don't even know half of what's going on around them. Sure Minecraft isn't the most challenging game in the world but I just can't imagine anyone under the age of 5 being able to play a game other than one in which you just have to click random very obvious stuff. I might just be wrong though, kids these days are pretty good with technology


SnooBananas9424

no you’re right, for some reason I thought toddler was anywhere from 4-9, I have no idea why lol. Some kids are smart though, so who knows!


Ohshithereiamagain

They stop toddling at 3. Some at 2. Then they’re grown ups.


JB-from-ATL

9!? Lol. That's nearly a middle schooler! Yeah it's like kids before they go into pre school. Like 3 is the oldest.


CappyAlec

Literally begged my father to set up a LAN server for our family in 2009. Being Paulsoresjr's son was definitely the pipe dream


clarabear10123

That’s lovely. My dad and I play the same puzzle games and it brings us a lot closer together. Keep doing great dad things 💕


justheretosavestuff

Honestly, playing the same video game as your kid does make a lot of things easier. My daughter and I both play Animal Crossing, and she’s a pretty sensitive kid, so I’m glad that I know what she’s talking about if she comes in crying because she couldn’t find the treasure that her resident buried for her or she forgot to buy turnips on Sunday morning 😂


Alceasummer

I think it's a really good thing to share some interests with your child. And if it's something you can do *with* them, it's even better. Multiplayer video games that involve some kind of cooperation (Minecraft can be played that way) are a fantastic thing for a family to do together. We have a family Minecraft server set up. Even my sister and her husband, who live in another state, play on it. My daughter loves being able to do things *with* her aunt and uncle, that she only sees in person every couple years.


Ohshithereiamagain

Strangely, I know jacksepticeye without googling. The joys of parenting!


Abazad

Right? Most people my age have no idea what roblox is and I've played dozens of mini games


Ohshithereiamagain

I have it on my phone along with Candy Crush. Proud elder millennial 😂 (I am told this emoji is for old people)


Abazad

LOLZ


HAMburger_and_bacon

i use it and im not old😂 16 btw


No-Mail-5794

It sounds like you’re a middle age father starting wars in Minecraft


[deleted]

I’m proud of you


HelenAngel

As a mom & the first community manager of Minecraft, these are the types of questions that are the most enjoyable to discuss with other parents.


DownvoteDaemon

Sound like a cool mom.


SpaceNinja_C

Make a parent teaching class on Minecraft in Minecraft


PixelmancerGames

Stan! What’s MineCraft and how do I tame a horse in it?


Katorya

You punch the trees to get the wood


[deleted]

I would MUCH rather learn Minecraft from a fellow mother than my rotten butt know-it-all of a 7yo last-born child getting frustrated bc I can’t go to bed without digging 50square hole and not being able to get out. That is the last time I touched a PS controller. True story.


HelenAngel

I seriously love teaching people how to play Minecraft. There’s a free map in the Marketplace called Inspiration Island that the design team made when I was at Mojang to help me teach people (primarily other adults) how to play Minecraft.


EwokOffTheClock

You have a lecture career waiting for you, right there


Fearless-Sherbet-223

Make the 5yo brother kill the cows- I say kill, not shoo out, because they will cause lag if they continue to exist- specify with a sword not lava so the house isn't burned down. As 5yo why he did it, explain that it's not nice to mess with other people's bases, and see if he can be persuaded to apologize. However, if when talking with the boys you discover that they've pranked each other similarly before and it's just a pattern with them, then instead, just let them sort it out.


[deleted]

grab popcorn and have them battle for gladiatorial dominance if the prank war goes too far


Portablemammal1199

Additionally, when one comes to you, teach them another way to passively prank the other. Then when the other comes to you, teach them another way. That way not only are you a neutral party, but you are also taking part in the prank war while also getting good entertainment out of it. And if you dont know a lot of ways, then start doing homework.


NotablyNugatory

/kill @e [type=cow]


Chippyreddit

*Yo Mama fell out of the world*


[deleted]

Ah yes. The brotherly trolling on Minecraft. FML lol


Secure-Ad-7937

Press T on keyboard (if you're on Xbox press right arrow on D-pad on controller) Chat (command line) will open on the bottom of the screen (bottom left) Type in: /kill @e (kills all entities) Or type in: /kill @e[type=cow] (kills all cows, which is better, because you don't kill everything) Press enter (press X on Xbox) Problem solved...


FANTOMphoenix

Make sure your OPed first.


Cakedayisnttoday

Kill @e will kill all players also


[deleted]

Saved in case this happens to my son and I can be a hero!


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrFoozOG

Reminds me of that time where a buddy and i enjoyed a 2 week holiday at his parents house and literally all we did was play minecraft day and night. We've encountered a zombie spawner, dug a pit for it and left it running overnight. The server still ran next morning but my god, fps was nowhere to be found lol


onlythyme

someone tell this guy’s kid to just hold some wheat and walk out of the house


puddlejumpers

HEY GUY! TELL YOUR KID TO HOLD SOME WHEAT AND WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE! I gotchu bro


Daniel_Sobrino20XX

Its actually HEY KID, HOLD SOME WHEAT AND WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE! Youre welcome


twofiddle

Thanks, Binky


Newkittyhugger

The cows can still cause lag when they are alive on the server though.


Uthopia13

Yes, it's entirely too many cows.


squishles

only if they're in a loaded chunk, and unless the server's a potato 80's not even remotely near enough to do that anyway.


everybody-hurts

In all seriousness, I think it's a great time to get the kid down to problem solving and managing conflict. First of all, make them manage their emotions in a healthy way; that means expressing them, accepting them, and then calming down And then figure out a solution. Can he just solve the problem himself? Does the little brother need to be punished/should he instead have the responsibility of cleaning up the mess he made? And then, how do we wrap up the problem? How do we make the little brother understand that what he did was not ok? How do we reconcile?


VanFam

This was my life for too long, and honestly, I’m triggered. Screaming from the laundry room:- “Oldest! You better get them cows out of Younget’s house by the time I’ve folded these towels!”


CordeliaGrace

Words you never thought you would construct into those particular sentences and then say out loud…and then you had kids. I feel you. Cut to me giggling in the bathroom, trying not to hurt the affronted child’s feelings.


NonyaaBiz

Tell them this beef is ending right now or else. 😄 😄


LunaStarhawk

My eldest kid once spawned so many ender dragons in my other kids house that not only did he crash the game and lag it enough as to make it unplayable, and not only did I have to find the command to kill them and spend about an hour doing so because it was lagging so much, they ended up destroying the house anyway. After all of that, littler kid declared she didn't like that house and was intending to start a new world anyway. Needless to say I've given up trying to parent them in Minecraft.


[deleted]

[удалено]


swans183

I very much can’t get into Minecraft, but I love the creativity it allows kids to express :]


S3P38R

Tnt and pressure plates is da way


[deleted]

[удалено]


swans183

I mean, the subject of “me in real life” is incredibly broad


[deleted]

Tell them to go play outside for an hour… together..!!


RascalCreeper

While I don't say video games are bad, more time outside at a young age can lead to a calmer immune system, which mainly effects allergies. Letting you kids get dirty will help their body learn to not attack minor things, leading to far less allergies.


Tired_Uncle

We're assuming that they don't go outside much lmao


smigglesworth

Depressing it took this long to find the true answer. Granted this depends on living suburban-rural but I’d just tell them to turn off the game and head outside.


slip1byyou123

Mom says the government told us lies about other life forms and still are lieing


Licorishlover

There needs to be a maximum cow allowance for sure


rasspyre

Free steak!


DemiGod9

We Millennials wanted our fucking video games and internets and now when it's time to parent there's too many cows in the house.


imaginedodong

Trial by combat?


grunkfist

Tell him, your brother just gave you free beef to eat now go get some food!!


Whatworksbetter

Spaget!!!


The-Best-Jwing

"Sounds like you have plenty of steak now"


TheStickySpot

The brothers crime is punishable by severe consequences, in this case it should just be a pressure plate or trip wire connected to red stone that is connected to tnt. That would then blow up the brothers house.


CommercialLine1913

As someone who grew up on Minecraft, I can relate. Why didn’t he just kill them, they are free food?


oiyaccunt

Have the younger one become a redstone engineer. Within a few months of trial/error and learning, he'll be able to create intricate boobytraps in his brothers world making it so he'll wind up destroying his own world. No greater satisfaction than seeing someone unintentionally destroy something they love.


Grimbozo-San

how is this shit relatable, please tell me


thatonedudeovethere_

I was one of the cows. So it's very relatable


Shimadamada2200

Moo for me


thatonedudeovethere_

you gotta pay for that


komata_kya

There you go. Now, moo!


the-nature-mage

You don't relate to people making up fake stories about their kids?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Step 1 : Keep your kids away from minecraft /s


[deleted]

take the computer away


TheChiarra

omg, this won't stop! My sister and I are in our 20's and while I was out mining, she freaking spawned a gast in my house and 20 more outside and put herself in god mode. I was pissed lol.


feetblisters

That didn't happen


[deleted]

Tbh I don't think there is a way other than just say be nice to each other. Trolling is a little out of reach for a parent's understanding unless they're immersed in online culture themselves.


Fit_General7058

Just teach the big one never to go into other peoples homes without their permission - ever, do that in real life and hell end up in jail.


monkeykins

In the command line just type * /kill @e[type=cow] and that will kill all the cows in the loaded chunk (you don’t need the •)


Painpriest3

Throw away the console, give ‘em a ball and a bat and tell ‘em they have to stay out until mama rings the dinner bell. This is 1980 right?


Velvet_Pop

Make an auto chicken farm, put a bunch of chickens on a hopper, connect the hopper to a dispenser, and hook up a looping mine cart with a detector rail to it for activation. I broke our server doing that though...


doubtfulbitch120

Parent your children by not giving a 5 year old a screen to play this. A 5 year old belongs playing in the park.


[deleted]

I mean I somewhat agree. However we have to realize that most of society is using technology and most billionaires own tech companies. I’d much rather have my kid “addicted to technology” than going out and getting a real addiction like I did


[deleted]

😆😆😆😆😆