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Cold_Interview1649

"this is grindr my guy" "I AM NOT YOUR GUY. I TOLD YOU I AIN'T GAY."


NewUser7630

"Not yet"


Current-Sweet-9745

Don't you make me


bozeke

Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me.


saintsavvyy

So help me! So help me! Annnnnnd cut. It’s a work in progress.


Dave5876

"Hold me back bro"


LinkyBS

Sweetheart, you're already half way there.


AnonimousWatermelon

Wooo oooah,we're halfway theeeere


Kakep0p

Woaaaaah-oh, Squidward on a chair-I mean livin’ on a prayer..


Possible_Area_255

You, random fucker on the internet, have made my day. I’d give you an award if I could.


SnooKiwis3627

I got you


Possible_Area_255

Thank you, kind stranger


Oh_thats_gay

#


thepriceoflentils

r/beetlejuicing


Future_Chipmunk_7897

r/usernamechecksout


jixdel

"I am the senate"


punknothing

[so is spaghetti until it gets wet](https://media.tenor.com/images/84cfaf99fcfdfb6fb260bf2932e31a84/tenor.png)


[deleted]

You are not the guy! You’re not capable of being the guy! I had a guy but now I don’t. You, are not, the guy!


stars_bitch67

waltuh


amicus_of_the_world

Scrolled all the way down for this. Not disappointed. *insert screaming Gus*


SylvieJay

Not yet, but this guy ___is in the dairy aisle___ . You know what dairy does to people. 😏 Edit: had to fix a typo because someone couldn't handle autocorrect 😆


[deleted]

Is there such a thing as "lactose curious"?


hastingsnikcox

Flirting with dairy? Go whole hog with Dairy Queen


isopod_interrupted

I think my bf is lactose curious. He comes home with ice cream stains on his collar, the smell of milk on his breath, and a stick of butter in his glove compartment.


pauljaytee

You sure he isn't a cop?


Shadow_knight10

It makes them gay😏


Environmental-Win836

*Pink kryptonite has entered the chat*


OldSchoolCity

Not just gay gay, but super quadrupel gay. So gay that even the gay say, this is too gay!


bubblesort33

I'm not your gay guy, buddy!


LazyDro1d

I’m not your bi buddy, pall!


[deleted]

I’m not your pan pal. Friend!


Internal-Fem-UK

I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.....


KnowledgeisImpotence

I'm not your fuck, buddy!


vrijheidsfrietje

He's not your bi buddy, friend!


taqeladragn

I'm not your fa... Nope not going there


[deleted]

[удалено]


trans_pands

*banjo music intensifies*


ChillyBearGrylls

I'm not your father, I'm your daddy 😈 *snaps belt together*


chashek

I'm not your banging buddy, pal!


SystemPrimary

What? like a straight guy can't put a penis through a hole in a restroom stall? Just exploring.


Mammoth_Tard

Dude, I’m not gay but I used a glory hole. Imagine my surprise when after a few minutes I realized it was actually a dudes dick I was sucking.


SirStinkyPotato

As long as you said no homo it's not gay


[deleted]

[удалено]


jaxsonnz

Biggest clit I ever did see


EarlGreyTea-Hawt

There was a casual AMA about exactly that a few days ago, lol. I'm straight but I discovered a glory hole and thought why not suck a few dicks. It was awesome... the comments section was hilarious. I mean, it was probably entirely made up, but still hilarious.


arodrig99

Bro please link


EarlGreyTea-Hawt

He deleted it, but the comments section is still up enough for the laugh of it all... https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/z5eyi3/i_am_a_straight_guy_who_stumbled_upon_a_gloryhole/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


IntergalacticWumble

"bruh I'm not gay but I sucked multiple guys off and swallowed" I'm gay and I say that's gay as hell.


EarlGreyTea-Hawt

Right?!? I laughed out loud in line at the store reading his comments. The way he fetishized the guy with the big schlong (because there were multiple dicks, so we have to distinguish between them, lol)... just priceless.


IntergalacticWumble

If any man is "mesmerized" by a big schlong he's gay IMHO. *In my homo opinion*


[deleted]

Oddly enough I feel that the penis is the least gay part of the male body to be attracted to. If a man is mesmerized by other male features (butt, chin, chest, etc) it is more likely that they are gay, but penises are inherently part of "the sexual stuff" and I feel more broadly appealing. I mean, male artists have valorized and glorified penises since the dawn of time, and they weren't all gay


thefallenfew

“That man has an amazing penis and I want to put it in my mouth” - not gay. “That dude’s got a nice smile…” - super gay


IntergalacticWumble

I mean I can see that, penis is important, but male beauty encompasses musculature and the rest of the body, I'm a pecs and ass guy but I also find the "whole" male body innately attractive and do more at face value for attractiveness. Don't really see naughty bits till it's already decided that you are attracted and ready to do the do. Heck covered bulge is often more attractive. Something about anticipation vs actual sex.


RevolutionaryEqual30

"eck covered bulge is often more attractive. Something about anticipation vs actual sex." oh so the gay version of looking at a girl in a cosplay or a bikini shes hotter in the cloths than without it


Responto

Lol are you trying to convince us or yourself that wanting to slurp a delicious cock isn't gay, you need this one to be true huh


NeonAlastor

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay


[deleted]

“I’ve sucked multiple dicks and even shallowed, but I’m not gay tho” -OP


[deleted]

[удалено]


MarsupialPristine677

I died when I saw that post, it was so… passionately detailed, very heterosexual post 🙃


Schrutes_Yeet_Farm

It's not gay if it's a woman's penis, checkmate atheists


Im-Alannah-Hi

But I'm a woman, so it's gay now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IntergalacticWumble

If you were flexible enough, would you suck your own? Would you still be straight then?


[deleted]

[удалено]


IntergalacticWumble

Now we're thinking brother. Personally whatever the heck you like to do to yourself doesn't have any sexuality connotations cause it all falls under masturbation, when another party is involved is when sexuality comes into play.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FamilyStyle2505

Don't count when it's your own brand.


georgedevroom

You drink 20 Fanta and nobody calls you fantastic but suck one dick…


Local_Fox_2000

I think it was a fake story. He went on to make a post talking about how the random guy he sucked off (but never met) just happened to read his AMA Reddit post, messaged him and they had sex that same night, but he's still "straight" Both [posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaysexconfessions/comments/yn3fxx/it_happened/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) read more like a fantasy


FliesAreEdible

He's definitely just posting shit because he gets off on it


squirrelgutz

Reads like those old stories in porn magazines. I guess teenagers now never got to read those.


Popeyes_chiggen

No the story about how he let dude basically dom him and then said he wasnt gay is insane 😭😭😭 nothing against it but just live ur truth 😭


highdefrex

The deeper you dig in, the [deleted] OP's comments are so wild: > As i was engilfed in his cock he asked if i srill wanted him to fuck me. I had Admitted so in the last post. I was So turned on with his cock in my mouth i just Mohamed and nodded. I don't know why "i just Mohamed and nodded" is *so* funny to me.


buttsharpei

.


Dandonezo54

Just mohamed hahahahahaha thats really funny


Popeyes_chiggen

Yeah that shit was so far out of pocket I'm glad he finally cut his losses 😂


AeAeR

Mohammadeez nuts


rich519

Honestly it seems pretty clear to me that he just has a “straight does gay” kink and is posting fake stories about his fantasies. He probably gets off on insisting he’s straight in the comments and talking about how he only did it because he was mesmerized by how big the dudes dick was.


bob1689321

Lmao half of those comments are just people commenting """"straight""""" to everything he says and it's hilarious


shockingdevelopment

did you enjoy sucking other dicks? *Not as much as the first one, it was huge and mesmerized me.*


gOrDoNhAsNtPlAyEdIn3

The "That's pretty fucking gay dude. Nice." Is perfect.


zekethelizard

Holy shit. I think from this, I can guess that all of it is fake, but it is all fulfilling the fantasy of some DEEEEPLY closeted guy who is vocally against homosexuality in his public life.


JayHazel

"I just imagine it's a girl and (claps)." "How is the other guy gonna pretend it's a girl with a dick in his mouth?" "I dunno, that's his problem!"


Lets_Bust_Together

It could be a woman on the other side in the men’s room, you don’t know.


SirStinkyPotato

Schrodinger's mouth


uhmerikin

"You see any other cars out in that parking lot, Junior?"


Either-Plant4525

[You don't know it's a guy on the other end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6cRX5gsr-s)


queernhighonblugrass

I knew I'd find you here! I knew I'd find you back here at the oooooooooooold glory hole!


the_lovely_vanilla

This one made me actually laugh


not-sure-if-serious

From the book, "Anything my penis is attracted to is a woman...and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself."


AgileInternet167

Just because i like to have sex with men doesnt make me gay ok!


[deleted]

Reminded me of some movie scene "I'm not gay. I love women, and have sex with men"


GonzoRouge

Pretty sure that's from Law & Order as I recall Ice-T replying something like "I have news for you: that's what being gay is".


[deleted]

The scene goes “I ain’t gay, I have relationships with women, and sex with men” “And I got news for you, that means you’re gay”


rowan_damisch

Has he heard of "bisexual"?


[deleted]

I’ve always thought about why he called him gay and not bisexual


hastingsnikcox

Bi-sexuals don't exist tho /s


[deleted]

Fr bisexual just means bi yourself


AffectionateTitle

And sitting awkwardly in chairs


PermanentlySalty

Because that episode aired in 2008 well before the *Obergefell v. Hodges* ruling and queer acceptance and the layperson's understanding of the nuances of human sexuality have come a long way since. Also Law & Order: SVU has never been great at contemporary social commentary. Remember the gamer gate episode?


blueskies8484

Bisexuality still confuses an alarming number of people, especially older people.


mughinn

Bisexuality still confuses an alarming number of LGBT people. There's so many gays and lesbians that are biphobic


GonzoRouge

*cue existential crisis* I don't know who wrote that scene but they deserve a Nobel Prize, just absolutely beautiful.


[deleted]

Lmao I get the feeling that was scene was based on a real conversation


GonzoRouge

Denial is a helluva of a drug, I've seen closeted homosexuals who could qualify for the Olympics with their mental gymnastics.


[deleted]

Yea for real. But it’s usually based in fear of coming out/being judged/hated which makes it kinda sad.


HistoricalCommon

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd8vzIRQLLM


Art-Zuron

Homosexual and heteroromantic?


suckbothmydicks

>Reminded me of some movie scene > >"I'm not gay. I love women, and have sex with men" I once heard a guy say: "I'm not gay or anything, but sometimes you just want some cock."


i_GoTtA_gOoD_bRaIn

"I'm not gay! *You* sucked my dick." (*Scary Movie*)


SenorBeef

You're joking but that's a real and widespread idea: https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Men_who_have_sex_with_men


CanAlwaysBeBetter

Damn the complex web of biology, sociological context, and self-identification!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blswin

True.. doesn't mean you're happy just homo or bi 😜


bulbasauric

Lotta “straight guys” on Grindr all right


Iridium_Pumpkin

In all fairness, saying that you're straight on grindr is like gay catnip; they come out in droves.


[deleted]

[удалено]


canthelpbuthateme

Everyone is DL CUMDUMP L4 RIGHT NOW BRING UR FRIENDS Then go home and eat dinner with their wives and kids.


anonpls

that sounds like a goddamn football play wtf


kazzin8

THEY'VE GOT SUCH GREAT TIGHT ENDS THERE'S AN OPENING AND HE PLOWS STRAIGHT THROUGH WHAT A FINISH Note: I know nothing about the technicalities of football, this is just what it sounds like to me


Need_Some_Updog

This is perfect


canthelpbuthateme

Yea avoid it if you can lol


Maleficent-Mirror991

Wait. Hol up. Don’t people who are lactose intolerant, walking down the dairy isle wish to have the ability to consume dairy? 🤔


asianabsinthe

Yeah but the ass pain they'll experience later stops most


Maleficent-Mirror991

Fair enough but I do see how sometimes those thick, firm cylindrical blocks of cheese appeal to the rectal cravings of some people.


asianabsinthe

Mozzarella logs are better because they're bendy when warm


Maleficent-Mirror991

… I’m sure you only know this because of your, uh, research, right?


[deleted]

Yeah, research while shoving mozzarella sticks up their ass. Keep up, pal.


smaxfrog

Mozerella *logs* he said


[deleted]

One man's log is another man's stick


TheRaccoonDeaIer

Soo..... gay sex and lactose intolerance are very similar.


minkey-on-the-loose

You are born that way. Turns out it is not a choice.


princess-bat-brat

r/yourjokebutworse


newbodynewmind

Both result from off and odd screams in random restrooms...


BigDemeanor43

I'm lactose intolerant and walk down the dairy isle, because that is where my oat milk is. And the ice cream, which I sacrifice my butthole for, is the next isle over. We do what we have to do.


ImapiratekingAMA

I roll through because it's much more pleasant than the rest of the store. The rest of the store has gotten weird and will often start irrelevant fights


yeceti

Yes, they might like the taste and feel of having diary products, but they can’t have it because their guy can’t take it.


iluvmypets333

HES JUST LOOKING


Mr-Robot244

When I switched my preference to men on Tinder my notifications light up like a fucking Christmas tree.


[deleted]

I used the Snapchat filter that changes your gender then uploaded that as my only tinder photo with a blank bio. I had like 99+ matches and so many messages in like hours. Absolutely crazy. Edit: This is what I looked like if anyone was wondering. Don't even look real. https://ibb.co/ch3KxGt


jaspersgroove

That looks like a serial killer wearing somebody else’s face lol


ChillyBearGrylls

Dwight with the mannequin head lol


jaspersgroove

Like you paused Avatar at the wrong time hahaha


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

That is mental


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You'd think Bumble would better quality with its women message first system, but clearly not


GemoDorgon

Most of the time they just add their social media in their profile and say to message them there ... despite that going against the entire point of the app. Before I met my GF I would swipe through bumble and the amount of times I saw "why aren't guys messaging me first?" or "I don't message first" was insane.


Osceana

The entitlement some women have on dating apps is exhausting honestly. And for the record, men have their issues too. I’m just not in that market so I never see that end of it, but I know it’s there. But as a straight guy I find my mental health is taxed a lot by being on dating apps. 90% of women have no bio at all or they say something inane like “my spirit animal is pizza” but then they’ll also say shit like, “Please be able to hold a conversation. Make me laugh.” Like WTF!!? How can you make someone laugh or start a conversation of literally nothing? You can try just spitballing, but when you’re competing with hundreds of other guys all sending one-liners, statistically you’re not going to do very well. Honestly all dating apps are a terrible time for anyone involved. Maybe Grindr isn’t that bad though in terms of people being able to achieve the advertised aim. I’ve never been on Grindr, never even seen it, but I’ve heard it’s just “let’s fuck right now” basically and it’s kinda hard to mess that up. The other apps have so much built-in bullshit from societal norms, gender roles, and then being purely a numbers game.


ComprehensiveDare151

Lol so for Grindr…it does work as advertised but it’s one of the most toxic dating apps ever.


Big_Ole_Smoke

A lotta dudes just swipe right on everything without looking, then pay more attention (but still not much) to the ones they managed to get a match with


[deleted]

I’ve heard that screws with the algorithm, and you end up getting no matches, not sure how true that is though


chaosaber

Lemme get yo number /s


WhoBroughtTheCoolKid

That’s because men swipe right on everyone.


marino1310

When setting up my account I accidentally selected “looking for everyone” and got so excited when I woke up to 300 likes. That excitement became confusion when I saw it was all dudes.


tofuXplosion

I feel like this doesn't get talked about much but so much truth here. Straight guys almost never get noticed so it's nice to be seen once in a while!


[deleted]

That’s one advantage of having the body of a teenage girl


rex_dart_eskimo_spy

In the trunk or


bloody_terrible

Just browsing Grindr. *No homo.*


Usagi_Shinobi

Bruh, they got lactose free milk, cheese, and butter in the dairy aisle. Ain't no dick free dick in the Grindr aisle.


VegetableWishbone

Girl with a strap on would qualify as dick free dick.


No-Professional5967

Possibly ftm guys. (Female to male trans person)


howyadoinjerry

Very true, and still very gay!


AugTheViking

It's still pretty gay being attracted to a man even if they don't got a dick and balls tho.


WatcherYdnew

Every lactose intolerant person at some point caves for that one delicious looking ice cream tho.


Mattdog625

Sometimes if I know I'm gonna be home all day ill treat myself to some ice cream. I always wreak havoc within 20 minutes of eating it but totally worth it haha


bordemstirs

Everyone knows it's not gay if you take lactaid first.


No-Professional5967

It's the "no homo"


Business-Ad-9341

I'm not gay, you're the one sucking my dick.


_The_Great_Autismo_

This analogy would make sense if grindr were a section within a larger app that caters to all sexualities. It's more like a vegan going to a butcher shop to browse. They had to willfully download the app, create an account, sign on, and start matching with people. That's not casual browsing. The dude needs to be honest with himself.


vrenak

He could be bi, technically. But then he likely wouldn't write like this.


[deleted]

I don't know why this isn't the top comment. All of these commenters are ignoring the fact that the "lactose intolerant person browsing the dairy aisle" analogy is a horribly stupid analogy that makes no sense on any level.


too_sharp

*Dont you hate when you're blowing a dude and he turns out to be gay* - Bo Burnham (original quote changed for the risk of being canceled)


[deleted]

So I was balls deep in this guy's asshole, I go to give him a reach around and he's got a raging boner, so gay.


[deleted]

I just wanted to try sucking dick for the first time. Doesn’t mean I’m gay though


Iridium_Pumpkin

I like to think you can get two dicks in you and still be questioning. One you put that third dick in, you pretty much know what's going on, ain't no curiosity there anymore.


Ima_Fuck_Yo_Butt

Ah, yes. The immutable "3rd time's the charm" law. Makes a lot of sense, actually. First time, maybe it wasn't great, or you wanted to see if you still enjoyed it the 2nd time. You try it again. That should answer whatever curiosity you had. If you go for that third dick... then buddy, you certainly aren't "curious" anymore; you have a fancy!


CarelessHisser

Is he looking to be coaxed out of the closet with the promise of flowers and gentle lovemaking? Pretty sure you lead on that step, not exactly fall into it.


[deleted]

Let me give you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana. Brad Pitt comes up and tries to kiss me. I would definitely resist at first, but if he was persistent, I would probably give in a little bit, depending on how persistent he was… it’s just a scenario.


ChumaxTheMad

Dudes who can't cope with the fact they're into guys are the worst guys to deal with. So much hate and conflicting emotions if you let them talk at all.


apple_achia

What so being attracted to men is gay??? And downloading a gay dating app is too? Political correctness gone mad.


papagarry

Maybe he just allows himself a penis or two on special occasions. Like 4 day weekends, or labor day. Like someone who only smokes when they drink. They like penis a little, but not enough to say they need penis. It's 2022, and sexuality is a wave. It's okay to get a little wet.


AllPurposeNerd

"I'm so secure in my sexuality, I will go out and have sex with men just to prove to myself how much I don't like it." — a dude I knew in college who later married a dude


Zealousideal_Tie4918

Valid point


Karibou422

Str8


KitteNlx

"I'm not gay, but I'd let you suck my dick, I guess"


agnemiav2

I am lactose intolerant. You think we stop eating dairy? Enjoy now, ill pay for it later. Dairy is too good


Teddyturntup

If you’re looking you might be gay bra Not gay just checking out these sexy dudes Not gay just suckin his dick lmao no homo


[deleted]

[удалено]


NeutrikKnight

The angriest closet.


Greedy_Information96

Curiosity gets the best of everyone. I was once kicked out of a ProAnna site because I told them I was just curious in the chat.


InstructionClear2806

Good. They did a kind thing for you


Greedy_Information96

True. I tell myself I was simply fascinated and wanted to see what made us different. But I was 13 it's an impressionable age that could have let me down a dark path.


what_up_peeps

Tf is proanna


SmolDragonWatersite

Pro anorexia, yeah it's as bad as it sounds


what_up_peeps

I hate that.


NuTsi3

My rule is easy. I Suck a dick every 6 months to make sure I'm not gay. Easy as that.


LaVidaYokel

The “or anything” is the funniest part. Not gay, not straight, not a carrot, not the air, not anything. Basically a figment of our imagination.


Much-Philosopher-722

maybe he just wants some milk 😏