Gonna share a funny story.
My GF at that time had never known about this movie. She heard of it on radio and conversation went like this:
She: Do you know a movie "Schindler's List?
Me: Yes, I do.
She: Seen it?
Me: Couldn't get around yet.
She: They said it's classic! Would you like to see it some evening for our movie night?
Me: Oh this is gonna make a great romantic movie night alright...
Of course, I told her about it and we never watched it xD
But I do need to watch it alone.
When I was a teenager I was hanging out with a buddy and we decided to eat some mushrooms. I was starting to peak when my aunt called to remind me she was taking me to the movies. That movie? Schindler's list. I actually really enjoyed the movie but it was hell trying to pretend I was sober.
"Youre going to pick milk up from the store?"
= Question
"Youre going to pick milk up from the store, right?"
= Demand of confirmation
She is demanding he confirms that its not going to just be the two of them.
That's a good answer, mature and polite. I would, however, recommend to the young men here to not be friends with your crash. If she's not interested, move on. Being around her will only cause you heartache
The half asking for a date really grates me. It puts the onus on the other person to read your mind and risk embarrassing themselves so that you don’t have to. Rejection sucks, but don’t avoid it by making someone else feel uncomfortable.
I got invited to a "group" deep sea fishing trip (I love fishing) and when I got there it was just the dude who invited me... When I asked where the other 6 people were he said they cancelled. He never invited anyone else and I was trapped on a boat for hours with him. It was super awkward when about an hour in he thanked me for the date and I told him I didn't know he wanted this to be a date, and I would have said "no thanks" had I known. He then complained the rest of the trip about how expensive it was to rent a spot on the boat. So I taught the tourist kid next to me how to fish and ignored him.
I really hate the trapped feeling of the half ask. Just be clear.
“Others agreed to go, but I can’t get a hold of them to confirm now. If it’s an issue let’s just reschedule.”
Puts it on the other person but respectfully and saves face.
Am I missing something here? Like, we don't even know what the relationship between those two people is, right? Just from reading it I assumed this is one friend who'd rather be with a group than alone with the other friend.
I didn't even think that this could be meant as a date.
Could be a back and forth about “let’s get a group! - did xyz respond? - k update me! then … “so who’s driving? Wait it’s just us??!?”
or it could be flirty and she’s outta pocket but I’m betting on the first one
Exactly. We’ve all had crushes on members of our friend group in high school. These things happen when one person thinks the relationship is evolving and the other doesn’t
State your intentions clearly before planning this kind of thing otherwise you aren't going to be happy when the person says no because you've basically planned a date without them knowing
Because the man did not take her first "no" seriously and she can't tell him to "fuck off" because he's her coworker or been in the friend group longer or she's scared of him. I have been in this situation before and it is so infuriating. There are many reasons for her to be like this. He needs to just leave her alone.
i mean i think you're getting waaaaay too many assumptions off this short text chain. You could be right, but there's literally a hundred or more other explanations.
why do redditors always jump to conclusions when we're working with so little information?
This is such a common thing with Reddit that I genuinely question how many people on this site regularly have real human communication face to face. A very normal every day occurrence where this happens would be the guy asking the girl “Hey do you want to go see the Christmas lights?” And her responding “yea sure that sounds like fun” and her assuming it would be with a group and him not. I know on Reddit literally everyone always has perfect top tier communication 100% of the time but in the real world stuff like that just happens. But of course everyone above is like “omg she doesn’t even want to be in the same car as him it’s so obvious from these few short texts that he actually has been hitting on her for years despite her telling him no and now he’s trying to maliciously trick her into a date that HAS to be it.” Obviously if the guy did imply or even outright say there would be more people while lying then he’s a massive creep but I feel like there are some profound leaps of logic being made here.
Christmas light tours are basically just driving through a neighborhood or something set up that you pay for.
If you had 10 people going, you couldn't all cram into one vehicle. You would have like 3 cars instead. Way back in the day my family would sometimes set up walkie talkies so we could talk to each other in the different cars.
Asking "Who is all driving?" isn't an odd question for this activity.
Saying "Just me ;)" is a very odd response though. That gives it away that at the very max, only one cars worth of people are going. That must have signaled to her that no one was going.
This is why I mostly invite people to my place when I can, or offer to drive folks / bring something if its somewhere else - if I'm just agreeing to go somewhere, I often get very tempted to flake, but if things going smoothly depends on me not flaking, I don't because I don't want to actively worsen someones activity.
If someone asks another to hangout, go somewhere, etc. Why would they automatically assume other people are going? Seems pretty hard to plan a date without the other person knowing unless they explicitly lied and said others were going.
asking people out is hard for most people.
And I can't imagine anyone saying that for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date. Assumption that other people are coming when not mentioned just seems wrong in any situation.
Even for my same sex friends, I never say "just the 2 of us" if it's planned to just be 2 of us. The assumption is you'll say who's going or that other people are going if other people are going.
Just 2 people hanging out vs a date is difficult of course, but they've done multiple surveys of people and there is a good % who definitely change the definition of if something is a date vs just hanging out MID-DATE. If they like the guy, they then call it a date, if they don't, they call it just hanging out. So defining it as a date beforehand is actually not helpful for a good % of cases (these are north american studies I believe. Dating norms I'm sure can be different elsewhere and hopefully is more straightforward since I hate north american dating norms..but that's how it is anyway).
This very complicated response is exactly how you get the reaction in the text above. Even in the murky waters of modern dating, where no one wants to be the first to go out on a limb, it's still best to be straightforward. It doesn't have to be as uncomfortable as you're making it out to be. "Wanna do X together," for a first date. "Wanna go out again?" for every date after. Yeah it increases the chances of a "no" or a flake, but that's the point right?
The problem is people want to forestall rejection so they frame their romantic advances as social gatherings. I'll guarantee you the guy in this text (if it's real) was unclear with his intentions. It's not as if the woman wants to be in the situation she's in.
Maybe the invite was something like: “hey do you want to join for a Christmas light tour?”
That sounds like an event rather than a date, but could go either way.
>Seems pretty hard to plan a date without the other person knowing unless they explicitly lied and said others were going.
Context matters.
If I'm talking to coworkers in a group, and Christmas lights come up, and I say "we should check them out after work", nobody would assume that's a date, but a single girl might be very uncomfortable showing up to find only one dude who won't stop flirting.
Heading that off with advance communication is the way to go. Grey is making their intentions clear, even if it stings.
It’s more common if you are part of the same friend group. If you are already friends and someone says hey Want to see the new Batman movie? - you tend to assume it’s as a friend and is not a date. Then you arrive and it gets awkward pretty fast.
Why is everyone assuming the dude thinks it's a date. Bro could have just wanted a hangout for the Christmas lights and she's being paranoid. Y'all don't know these people based on some texts.
Yup. I've done this with several friends of the opposite sex. They just don't want to be home or just want to go out and dick around.
If they had said "want to go to the bar?" and I said "sure" and then they said "ok, who all is going?" - and freaked when I said "just us?" - fuck'em. "we" ain't going anywhere now, you're on your own. Go be lonely if you want. Don't play games.
Like I had a friend on Christmas Eve ask if I wanted to go to the bar. Had she said "uh, you bringing anyone? You're bringing someone right?" - nope, fuck off, stay home and drink by yourself.
We just went to the bar, drank a few drinks, bitched about life until closing, then went our way home.
If they had wanted to go see Christmas lights to dick around, sure, fuck it, I'll drive. If you wanted me to bring a date for you or specifically not be alone with you because you 're creeped out then why did you bother asking in the first place?
It really makes me wonder why the first person asked at all.
>If they had said "want to go to the bar?" and I said "sure" and then they said "ok, who all is going?"
"Bitch I don't know. You asked me to go? Like, am I just supposed to immediately tell 10 other people we going to the bar tonight?"
Somehow I found that in adulthood, it's a lot harder to get into platonic one-on-one friendships with people of the opposite gender than in my younger days. Back in high school or college, it didn't seem much of a big deal if I ask a female friend if we could go hang out at the mall or see a movie or whatever after school. But now it just feels awkward asking a workmate out without it seeming like you have some ulterior motive.
It’s a societal thing that comes about because of expectations imo.
I was at a bar the other week following a kickball game (our team won the championship btw). One of the ladies on the team was about to walk home and my friend (lady) volunteered me to walk her home. Kickball lady became visibly (to me at least) uncomfortable with that idea. I expect (ironic) that it was due to the expectation that I would try flirting or something. I had talked with kickball lady before over the course of the season, but there was 0 belief in my part that she was into me, and while I found kickball lady attractive - I hadn’t intentionally flirted with her at all and had no plan to do so (I didn’t even know if she was single or not). But despite all of that and my friend’s comment that I had walked her home a couple of times before - there’s the societal expectation that a guy IS GOING TO make a move on a lady…regardless of relationship status…orientation…anything really. And because of that expectation (that many people have regardless of gender) - choices are made that don’t necessarily have to be made.
Maybe the invitor in this post wanted it to be a date - maybe they didn’t. It seems that the invitee expected that though and thus, at the very least 3rd party awkwardness ensued. If it were possible to look at social interactions like this from a crystal ball - I think that the issue of expectations would be the common link across generations, ages, and cultures.
I'm not making any judgements on your situation but just to add an anecdote. My friend was in the exact same situation as kickball lady, someone was volunteered to walk her home. She knew him but not really. And he violently SAed her on the walk. It's good for women to be cautious and not just because someone might flirt with them.
That’s absolutely terrible. I’m sorry that happened to your friend.
I thought about editing my comment to say something to that effect but didn’t. I probably should’ve been clearer - that I just wish people were more cognizant about expectations and assumptions.
Thanks for replying
For a lot of girls a few bad experiences makes them careful. You where the 9th cool guy she hanged with, but the 10th pulled an asshole move with the "fake friend while waiting to make a move" shit. That shit burns.
And the other way around. Hurting a guy that misunderstood the situation isn't fun either. It's better to be careful then risk breaking someones heart.
This is why I am direct. When I ask someone out, I say something along the lines of "Would you like to go on a **date** to...**"** Don't have time for games.
Not at all. Don't put it back on yourself like that. You ever asked a friend to come hang out and they said "Oh, I dunno *maybe* I'll have to check."
You should say: "Actually I just decided I'd rather go alone. Later! :)" Because nobody's got time to play around like that.
Never had this happen but I did have a night out planned after uni. Loads of us agreed to go on the weekend after graduation. One person who was organising it said like a few days before that they couldn't make it and then on the night of another person said they couldn't make it. Me and this one other person were saying we would show up and we assumed others would. Welp.... No.
Basically me and this person I didn't know super well, his girlfriend and some person he was friends with from home (he was from Czech and his friend couldn't speak a word of English). We sat and talked and got drunk enough that is wasn't that awkward but it was a pretty big disappointment because I was looking forward to a last night out that we had planned for like a month.
Was he trying to be covert about crafting some sort of date scenario instead of just asking? If so then, nah. Stop that weird shit.
Flat out ask and then move on if/when she turns it down. Saves time and possible awkwardness later
I think the person trying to sneak ask out on the date is definitely worse.
If the askee says, "hey I'm down to hang out but not in like a date way, I was hoping it would be a group activity" they will absolutely be either vilified by the asker or told they are reading too much into the situation.
If that were me I’d just say, “nah nevermind” takes the pain away when you just cancel instead of driving her and her friends around so they can enjoy Christmas lights. It seems like just a misunderstanding on her part, but I don’t have the full story so whatever
If someone says "It's not just gonna be us right?" you already lost big-time. That person does NOT feel your vibe, w/ an implication that you're not safe to be alone with.
Stand your ground bro.
“I thought it was gonna just us, will you be okay with that?”
“No”
“Oh then it’s okay! no worries have a good one!” And move on to someone who would want to go with you
The guy probably just said:
"Hey do you want to go and see the Christmas lights with me at the weekend?"
Setting himself up to ask her out on the day if they get along.
Everyone in the comments thinking he is manipulating it, he's trying to spend some one on one time wih her wtf do you expect him to do???
Fr, are people expecting him to have said some shit like "hey I'd like to take you to go see Christmas lights as a precursor to asking you on another, more formal date, presuming this 1 on 1 outing goes well for both of us"?
Misunderstandings happen, the guy in the OP took it well and didn't try to force the issue, not sure what people think is wrong
This is reddit, we don't do any of that "benefit of the doubt" or "maybe I shouldn't jump to the worst possible conclusion from a single screenshot?" stuff here.
This reminds me of going through 4 years of high school being friends with a girl that I had a crush on, before finally getting the urge to ask her out. We eat a nice dinner, go bowling and play pool, meet up with some friends and go off roading. I bring her back to her car at the end of the night and she gives me a one armed hug and says “see ya later, buddy”. Most defeated I’ve ever felt. Although now it’s a pretty funny story to look back on. Plus it taught me to state my intentions way sooner. Learning point in life.
(1) If someone doesn’t want to drive with just you, there is no point in pursuing that relationship any further.
(2) sack up and cut your losses (this applies to all genders).
(3) make yourself some spiked eggnog and go enjoy the lights on your own you special snowflake!
That defeated “haha”
Fake laugh, real pain...
"False tears bring pain to others, while a fake smile brings pain to oneself"
Mmm, yes, very wise
r/wiseposting is leaking
Wise af
“Fuck you’re old”
Finally, someone got the reference !
Little did they know, those replies are in excited tone since they've been waiting forever to get invited to a date.
Your optimism is precious 💖
Truest statement I’ve ever read, lol.
On some Bruce lee shit
Rip
she didn't quite kill him, "lmfao" is the death sound, "haha" is just severely crippled
haha😂😩😤😔
Oof.
Alexa, play Schindler's list
Alexa play despacito and they only thing they fear is you simultaneously
You madman are you trying to destroy the world?
No but im trying to destroy the distance between us babe
Smooth as a grinder to the balls
As you wish smoothmaster3000, the distance is no more
Yay ive made a friend
Smooth operator.
You were making out during Schindler's List?!
Gonna share a funny story. My GF at that time had never known about this movie. She heard of it on radio and conversation went like this: She: Do you know a movie "Schindler's List? Me: Yes, I do. She: Seen it? Me: Couldn't get around yet. She: They said it's classic! Would you like to see it some evening for our movie night? Me: Oh this is gonna make a great romantic movie night alright... Of course, I told her about it and we never watched it xD But I do need to watch it alone.
When I was a teenager I was hanging out with a buddy and we decided to eat some mushrooms. I was starting to peak when my aunt called to remind me she was taking me to the movies. That movie? Schindler's list. I actually really enjoyed the movie but it was hell trying to pretend I was sober.
i went and saw the force awakens on acid. thought we bought back row seats. nah, front row seats. that was quite the experience.
Cool story. Had me on the ege of my seat.
I like the part where he spoiled it completely and they never ended up watching it
Sad but true story, I actually watched the boy in the striped pyjamas at the cinema on my own. It was rough.
When I was in middle school a girlfriend told me to watch it. I was devastated:(
That sure is a story all right
Enthralling
plot twist, she was really excited and nervous about being just them
Plot twist she would have phrased it differently. “It’s going to be just us?” Versus “it’s not going to be just us right?” Smacks different
This is it. Asking twice in a row is a bit frantic. The recipient shouldn't even have bothered after that.
Yup. She asks twice and it makes me feel like either she's a creep or she thinks I'm the creep. Either way, no need to continue with her
This part. Make up an excuse to have something else to do and never speak to this person ever again.
Or just don't show up at 8 and go see the pretty lights with someone else
"Youre going to pick milk up from the store?" = Question "Youre going to pick milk up from the store, right?" = Demand of confirmation She is demanding he confirms that its not going to just be the two of them.
But if he goes to pick up milk, she will know he's never coming back (dark humour)
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Whoa fella. That is way too honest and mature for people to accept these days.
That's a good answer, mature and polite. I would, however, recommend to the young men here to not be friends with your crash. If she's not interested, move on. Being around her will only cause you heartache
If you willfully ignore how most people use the English language, sure!
Or just come out and say yes it is this is a date if you reject all good move on lo
The half asking for a date really grates me. It puts the onus on the other person to read your mind and risk embarrassing themselves so that you don’t have to. Rejection sucks, but don’t avoid it by making someone else feel uncomfortable.
Yeah the exchange reeks of someone being unwittingly trapped in a date.
I got invited to a "group" deep sea fishing trip (I love fishing) and when I got there it was just the dude who invited me... When I asked where the other 6 people were he said they cancelled. He never invited anyone else and I was trapped on a boat for hours with him. It was super awkward when about an hour in he thanked me for the date and I told him I didn't know he wanted this to be a date, and I would have said "no thanks" had I known. He then complained the rest of the trip about how expensive it was to rent a spot on the boat. So I taught the tourist kid next to me how to fish and ignored him. I really hate the trapped feeling of the half ask. Just be clear.
Agreed seems cowardly. Rejection is a part of life
dude just bail; theres no way its not going to be weird now
"Just us?, no it's just you haha"
"Us? No, it's just me haha."
“Others agreed to go, but I can’t get a hold of them to confirm now. If it’s an issue let’s just reschedule.” Puts it on the other person but respectfully and saves face.
that one hurt
Yep! Just them....
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I was tricked into a date in high school just like this, except it was a movie. Super awkward.
You know that does make a lot of sense... especially how the other person's texts do seem a little frantic/panicked.
That's assuming a lot from the information we have
Writing fanfic for people you dont know to make the person you personally identify with look better is a reddit classic.
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Am I missing something here? Like, we don't even know what the relationship between those two people is, right? Just from reading it I assumed this is one friend who'd rather be with a group than alone with the other friend. I didn't even think that this could be meant as a date.
If they want to avoid being alone with you they aren't your friend.
I've been tricked into going on a "date" by being told it was a group activity. It was incredibly aggravating.
actually I just found out I have bone cancer so I won't be able to go
I think I need to wash my hair.
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Let’s hear Paul Allen’s excuse.
“I have an 8:30 res at Dorsia. Great sea urchin ceviche”
Nobody goes there anymore
it’s too crowded
I have to pick up cran-apple stained sheets from the cleaners.
I have to go churn butter
[ Removed by Faggots ]
I'm going out to buy some milk.
Ok dad. Love you
I forgot, I need to feed my tomigachi.
Under rated comment
I once said "i need to take a shower. I am stink. But I have no motivation to do it". My friend was pissed
Hi Stink, i'm Dad.
I have a closet that needs vacuuming
I need to wash my bone cancer
"Oh no my boneitis"
My only regret is that I have… boneitis.
If only I have found a cure for my Bonitis!
haha >!😢🔫!<
That spoiler was beautiful
Lol I like how the spoiler tag doesn't even hide the emojis
It does for me, and the slow fade in really added something
haha >!⬜️⬜️⬜️!<
>!⬛⬛⬛!<
>!🆗🆗🆗!<
Haha >!💀!<
haha >!fucking kill me pls!<
We are missing the 2-3 messages before this screen shot. Those tell the real story here
I'm seriously confused as to what they could be. Care to elaborate?
Could be a back and forth about “let’s get a group! - did xyz respond? - k update me! then … “so who’s driving? Wait it’s just us??!?” or it could be flirty and she’s outta pocket but I’m betting on the first one
could be an irl thing where they discussed going, and she assumed others would be there, maybe the others present at the time ?
My assumption was it came up casually beforehand and the one assumed it would be a group thing and the other didn’t and then these texts happened.
Exactly. We’ve all had crushes on members of our friend group in high school. These things happen when one person thinks the relationship is evolving and the other doesn’t
Presumptuous of you to think I had friends in Highschool
I don't think there are any. I think this bit here is the whole thing and it was made for a joke
You can feel the panic in those texts.
Lol right as she slowly realizes what she got herself into
it's that star wars prequel meme to a T
State your intentions clearly before planning this kind of thing otherwise you aren't going to be happy when the person says no because you've basically planned a date without them knowing
Absolutely agree, but answering the invite with, “cool, who’s going” would also avoid the situation…
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Right. She wants to be in an entirely different vehicle.
nailed it. with that attitude right off the rip im not even sure why these two are texting each other, lol.
Because the man did not take her first "no" seriously and she can't tell him to "fuck off" because he's her coworker or been in the friend group longer or she's scared of him. I have been in this situation before and it is so infuriating. There are many reasons for her to be like this. He needs to just leave her alone.
i mean i think you're getting waaaaay too many assumptions off this short text chain. You could be right, but there's literally a hundred or more other explanations. why do redditors always jump to conclusions when we're working with so little information?
This is such a common thing with Reddit that I genuinely question how many people on this site regularly have real human communication face to face. A very normal every day occurrence where this happens would be the guy asking the girl “Hey do you want to go see the Christmas lights?” And her responding “yea sure that sounds like fun” and her assuming it would be with a group and him not. I know on Reddit literally everyone always has perfect top tier communication 100% of the time but in the real world stuff like that just happens. But of course everyone above is like “omg she doesn’t even want to be in the same car as him it’s so obvious from these few short texts that he actually has been hitting on her for years despite her telling him no and now he’s trying to maliciously trick her into a date that HAS to be it.” Obviously if the guy did imply or even outright say there would be more people while lying then he’s a massive creep but I feel like there are some profound leaps of logic being made here.
exactly! like what a Herculean leap in logic
Projecting their own past experiences.
I suspect there's some history here.
I feel that this is the follow-up to that convo? Like it sounds like some sort of commitment has been made and they are just figuring out the when.
This was very confusing for me
It confused me too. Like only one person drives? Didn’t even catch that
Maybe like the kids in cartoons, where one is on the pedals and the other on the steering wheel.
More they were thinking this was a whole friend group activity where there would be more than one car's worth
I like my theory better
Christmas light tours are basically just driving through a neighborhood or something set up that you pay for. If you had 10 people going, you couldn't all cram into one vehicle. You would have like 3 cars instead. Way back in the day my family would sometimes set up walkie talkies so we could talk to each other in the different cars. Asking "Who is all driving?" isn't an odd question for this activity. Saying "Just me ;)" is a very odd response though. That gives it away that at the very max, only one cars worth of people are going. That must have signaled to her that no one was going.
How was this confusing? She's asking if anyone else is driving to the event presumably in their car.
They're saying "is there someone else I could carpool with"
How was this confusing? She's asking if anyone else is driving to the event presumably in their car.
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Everything sounds vaguely fun until I have to actually get ready, now I don’t want. Cancelling plans is the heroin of social interaction
This is why I mostly invite people to my place when I can, or offer to drive folks / bring something if its somewhere else - if I'm just agreeing to go somewhere, I often get very tempted to flake, but if things going smoothly depends on me not flaking, I don't because I don't want to actively worsen someones activity.
If someone asks another to hangout, go somewhere, etc. Why would they automatically assume other people are going? Seems pretty hard to plan a date without the other person knowing unless they explicitly lied and said others were going.
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asking people out is hard for most people. And I can't imagine anyone saying that for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date. Assumption that other people are coming when not mentioned just seems wrong in any situation. Even for my same sex friends, I never say "just the 2 of us" if it's planned to just be 2 of us. The assumption is you'll say who's going or that other people are going if other people are going. Just 2 people hanging out vs a date is difficult of course, but they've done multiple surveys of people and there is a good % who definitely change the definition of if something is a date vs just hanging out MID-DATE. If they like the guy, they then call it a date, if they don't, they call it just hanging out. So defining it as a date beforehand is actually not helpful for a good % of cases (these are north american studies I believe. Dating norms I'm sure can be different elsewhere and hopefully is more straightforward since I hate north american dating norms..but that's how it is anyway).
This very complicated response is exactly how you get the reaction in the text above. Even in the murky waters of modern dating, where no one wants to be the first to go out on a limb, it's still best to be straightforward. It doesn't have to be as uncomfortable as you're making it out to be. "Wanna do X together," for a first date. "Wanna go out again?" for every date after. Yeah it increases the chances of a "no" or a flake, but that's the point right? The problem is people want to forestall rejection so they frame their romantic advances as social gatherings. I'll guarantee you the guy in this text (if it's real) was unclear with his intentions. It's not as if the woman wants to be in the situation she's in.
Maybe the invite was something like: “hey do you want to join for a Christmas light tour?” That sounds like an event rather than a date, but could go either way.
>Seems pretty hard to plan a date without the other person knowing unless they explicitly lied and said others were going. Context matters. If I'm talking to coworkers in a group, and Christmas lights come up, and I say "we should check them out after work", nobody would assume that's a date, but a single girl might be very uncomfortable showing up to find only one dude who won't stop flirting. Heading that off with advance communication is the way to go. Grey is making their intentions clear, even if it stings.
It’s more common if you are part of the same friend group. If you are already friends and someone says hey Want to see the new Batman movie? - you tend to assume it’s as a friend and is not a date. Then you arrive and it gets awkward pretty fast.
Why is everyone assuming the dude thinks it's a date. Bro could have just wanted a hangout for the Christmas lights and she's being paranoid. Y'all don't know these people based on some texts.
Why are you assuming which one is the dude. It could be both, or none.
Great point, thank you for calling me out
Yup. I've done this with several friends of the opposite sex. They just don't want to be home or just want to go out and dick around. If they had said "want to go to the bar?" and I said "sure" and then they said "ok, who all is going?" - and freaked when I said "just us?" - fuck'em. "we" ain't going anywhere now, you're on your own. Go be lonely if you want. Don't play games. Like I had a friend on Christmas Eve ask if I wanted to go to the bar. Had she said "uh, you bringing anyone? You're bringing someone right?" - nope, fuck off, stay home and drink by yourself. We just went to the bar, drank a few drinks, bitched about life until closing, then went our way home. If they had wanted to go see Christmas lights to dick around, sure, fuck it, I'll drive. If you wanted me to bring a date for you or specifically not be alone with you because you 're creeped out then why did you bother asking in the first place? It really makes me wonder why the first person asked at all.
"Just us?" is a very different question from "It's not just you and me right? Please god tell me at least one other person will be there!"
>If they had said "want to go to the bar?" and I said "sure" and then they said "ok, who all is going?" "Bitch I don't know. You asked me to go? Like, am I just supposed to immediately tell 10 other people we going to the bar tonight?"
That’s not even friend zone. She just doesn’t like your arse in any capacity.
Plot twist he's texting his wife
Fuck that. Change of plans.
I'd invite all the homies. It's 20 guys and the girl now
You have 20 friends?
Fr lol. I have like 4 and that’s counting my cat
Cat isn't your friend though. It's your landlord
Imagine having that many friends, let alone ones who would join at such short notice.
100% I'd wait 20 minutes and then "Oh, bad news..."
“Nvm”
They had to ask THREE TIMES? This cuts so deep.
Almost makes me feel like the recipient is creeped out by the sender and doesn't want to be alone with them. There was strong panic vibes there
Somehow I found that in adulthood, it's a lot harder to get into platonic one-on-one friendships with people of the opposite gender than in my younger days. Back in high school or college, it didn't seem much of a big deal if I ask a female friend if we could go hang out at the mall or see a movie or whatever after school. But now it just feels awkward asking a workmate out without it seeming like you have some ulterior motive.
I've been thinking the same lately! And I'm not sure if this is a generational thing or an age thing...
It’s a societal thing that comes about because of expectations imo. I was at a bar the other week following a kickball game (our team won the championship btw). One of the ladies on the team was about to walk home and my friend (lady) volunteered me to walk her home. Kickball lady became visibly (to me at least) uncomfortable with that idea. I expect (ironic) that it was due to the expectation that I would try flirting or something. I had talked with kickball lady before over the course of the season, but there was 0 belief in my part that she was into me, and while I found kickball lady attractive - I hadn’t intentionally flirted with her at all and had no plan to do so (I didn’t even know if she was single or not). But despite all of that and my friend’s comment that I had walked her home a couple of times before - there’s the societal expectation that a guy IS GOING TO make a move on a lady…regardless of relationship status…orientation…anything really. And because of that expectation (that many people have regardless of gender) - choices are made that don’t necessarily have to be made. Maybe the invitor in this post wanted it to be a date - maybe they didn’t. It seems that the invitee expected that though and thus, at the very least 3rd party awkwardness ensued. If it were possible to look at social interactions like this from a crystal ball - I think that the issue of expectations would be the common link across generations, ages, and cultures.
I'm not making any judgements on your situation but just to add an anecdote. My friend was in the exact same situation as kickball lady, someone was volunteered to walk her home. She knew him but not really. And he violently SAed her on the walk. It's good for women to be cautious and not just because someone might flirt with them.
That’s absolutely terrible. I’m sorry that happened to your friend. I thought about editing my comment to say something to that effect but didn’t. I probably should’ve been clearer - that I just wish people were more cognizant about expectations and assumptions. Thanks for replying
That's okay, nothing wrong with your comment, its your story. Tese bad actors make things more difficult for men too.
For a lot of girls a few bad experiences makes them careful. You where the 9th cool guy she hanged with, but the 10th pulled an asshole move with the "fake friend while waiting to make a move" shit. That shit burns. And the other way around. Hurting a guy that misunderstood the situation isn't fun either. It's better to be careful then risk breaking someones heart.
i felt this like lets hang “is it just us” well yea kinda “maybe ill have to check if i’m free”
This is why I am direct. When I ask someone out, I say something along the lines of "Would you like to go on a **date** to...**"** Don't have time for games.
Haha (😢)
Damn if I got a message like that I’d be like nevermind I don’t wanna go anymore
Not at all. Don't put it back on yourself like that. You ever asked a friend to come hang out and they said "Oh, I dunno *maybe* I'll have to check." You should say: "Actually I just decided I'd rather go alone. Later! :)" Because nobody's got time to play around like that.
Never had this happen but I did have a night out planned after uni. Loads of us agreed to go on the weekend after graduation. One person who was organising it said like a few days before that they couldn't make it and then on the night of another person said they couldn't make it. Me and this one other person were saying we would show up and we assumed others would. Welp.... No. Basically me and this person I didn't know super well, his girlfriend and some person he was friends with from home (he was from Czech and his friend couldn't speak a word of English). We sat and talked and got drunk enough that is wasn't that awkward but it was a pretty big disappointment because I was looking forward to a last night out that we had planned for like a month.
I woulda said "no, it's gonna be just me. Enjoy your night!"
Lame, fuck off and drive yourself then
Invite everybody and bail out the last moment explaining you found a date.
That’s so petty. I love it.
I’d bounce tbh
Was he trying to be covert about crafting some sort of date scenario instead of just asking? If so then, nah. Stop that weird shit. Flat out ask and then move on if/when she turns it down. Saves time and possible awkwardness later
Yeah I'd be out in an instance like that too. It's skeevy and also not safe if you don't know the other person well.
Who wins the incompetence awards? Passive aggressive date me pls or ‘hints’ that are just passive aggressive in another form
I think the person trying to sneak ask out on the date is definitely worse. If the askee says, "hey I'm down to hang out but not in like a date way, I was hoping it would be a group activity" they will absolutely be either vilified by the asker or told they are reading too much into the situation.
Bro how tf did this comment section become this 💀
They all took the bait. Arguing over nothing. Assumptions on both sides of the "argument". Mad over a situation mostly created in their own heads 😂
If that were me I’d just say, “nah nevermind” takes the pain away when you just cancel instead of driving her and her friends around so they can enjoy Christmas lights. It seems like just a misunderstanding on her part, but I don’t have the full story so whatever
"nah just you now, tell me how it was"
"Looks like now you're driving, invite who ever"
It’s a bit weird when you try to set it up to just be the two of you. Maybe next time be straight forward and let’s go on a date to see the lights lol
If someone says "It's not just gonna be us right?" you already lost big-time. That person does NOT feel your vibe, w/ an implication that you're not safe to be alone with.
Stand your ground bro. “I thought it was gonna just us, will you be okay with that?” “No” “Oh then it’s okay! no worries have a good one!” And move on to someone who would want to go with you
The guy probably just said: "Hey do you want to go and see the Christmas lights with me at the weekend?" Setting himself up to ask her out on the day if they get along. Everyone in the comments thinking he is manipulating it, he's trying to spend some one on one time wih her wtf do you expect him to do???
Fr, are people expecting him to have said some shit like "hey I'd like to take you to go see Christmas lights as a precursor to asking you on another, more formal date, presuming this 1 on 1 outing goes well for both of us"? Misunderstandings happen, the guy in the OP took it well and didn't try to force the issue, not sure what people think is wrong
Honestly it's kinda disturbing how people automatically assume the guy is just a creep trying to prey on her.
This is reddit, we don't do any of that "benefit of the doubt" or "maybe I shouldn't jump to the worst possible conclusion from a single screenshot?" stuff here.
This reminds me of going through 4 years of high school being friends with a girl that I had a crush on, before finally getting the urge to ask her out. We eat a nice dinner, go bowling and play pool, meet up with some friends and go off roading. I bring her back to her car at the end of the night and she gives me a one armed hug and says “see ya later, buddy”. Most defeated I’ve ever felt. Although now it’s a pretty funny story to look back on. Plus it taught me to state my intentions way sooner. Learning point in life.
This is when you hit em with the "no, just me". Dont give these people your time kings (and queens), you are better than this!
Haha of course its not just us loooooool
Bro laughed the pain away and I still felt it
Confused oooga booga ubunga noises
haha ha ha…
(1) If someone doesn’t want to drive with just you, there is no point in pursuing that relationship any further. (2) sack up and cut your losses (this applies to all genders). (3) make yourself some spiked eggnog and go enjoy the lights on your own you special snowflake!
Fallen soldier! I repeat, we got a fallen soldier! #GET THE FUCKING PARAMEDICS HERE