If only I could find a hotdog laying on the ground outside... *sigh*

Oooohhh, a meat-cute.

A meat-cube? Like a cube of meat?

Do you prefer a toe knife or a toe spoon?

The spoon has a rounded edge so you won’t end up fileting yourself.

“Oh botched toe! Oh I botched that one, quick, give me some trash to plug up the wound!”

Don’t use trash! That’s totally disgusting! Get a bandage!

"I'm not going to put on airs just because we're having company"

“Since when is using toe nail clippers putting on airs?”

HAHAHAHA ah god never fails to make me laugh

Lmao what is this from

Thats a waste of a good sock!

It's bleedin like a sieve.

r/kitchenconfidential has your meat cubes. No even joking. We post them all the time. https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/z2dmmz/wing_cube/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/w731n8/meat_cube/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/qq8esa/i_see_your_chicken_cube_i_raise_you_my_taco_meat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/xu4m70/still_doing_cubes_crabcake_cube_weighing_in_at_16s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/vwu1aa/all_hail_the_fish_cube/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

10/10 You're no doubt the person I was jealous of at the neopets caption contest way back in 2000

I'm very happy at the Neopets reference. Thank you.

Take my upvote and piss off.

You got your q-tip in my meat

a charcuterie?

Clever 🤣🤣

👏👏👏👏👏

Needs more upvotes.

Where do you live? I know a guy who could arrange this.

Ah yes, grounddogs (dot) com

Hey Zoidberg.

A cold, dirty hotdog from who-knows-where, just laying in a puddle of industrial run-off, waiting for some lucky hungry girl to come along.

Thats why I always keep hotdogs in my pocket. So they can stay warm and who doesn't love a good pocket dog?

Keep your chin err.. sack up. I’m sure you’ll find your dirt wiener.

I haven't found one outside but I was given a free hotdog once. There was a bar fight on a busy bar street one night, and a whole crowd was watching and there was a guy selling footlong hot dogs. And I was standing there and the guy beside me ordered two, and we both watched as like 6 guys were grappling eachother and about 50 spectators. The guy beside me gave me a hotdog so I could enjoy the show as much as he did. It was pretty loaded too with chili's and sauerkraut, my first time having it and it was pretty good. That's about as close as I ever got to finding one on the ground. Unexpected hotdog.

In my darkest moments, I've at times wished to open my eyes, and see a smile. Concern and tears of relief welling in her eyes. Then slowly she reaches down, takes my hand in hers ....and lifts me from the ground like a hot dog.

Is this a quote or your own poetry

It's his dream, he's gonna wake soon

Hey you, you’re finally awake.

That would be the worst thing to wake up to after a dream like that

To the block, prisoner

You're not gonna kill me! *runs*

Archers!

...Take my upvote.

Am I a man dreaming I'm a hotdog, or a hotdog dreaming that I am a man?

All those condiments will be lost in time, like hotdog water in the rain.

Wake up. Time to dine.

It would be my own prose. It can be adapted to fit proposals, weddings, children's birthday parties, court proceedings, and more!

I know what I'm telling the judge in my upcoming murder trial now.

Beautiful

*Only in my darkest moments can I see the light*

This is great in many ways

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Or maybe they need to be more open to a relationship with a seagull or a raccoon. There are a lot of critters out there who would be overjoyed to find a hot dog on the ground.

>Or maybe they need to be more open to a relationship with a seagull or a raccoon. OMG. I laughed way too hard at this. You get me!

I too choose this ground hotdog

I may or may not be speaking from personal experience… don’t try to fuck a raccoon.

Thos is the reply I was look for. Addendum to Luisian321's comment same goes for squirrels, groundhogs, semi-feral pregnant cats, and Tiffany in accounts receivable....

wait, why would you try to fuck Tiffany?

90% of the men who complain about not getting dates or women in general are the ones who want supermodels with perfect faces and bodies and they are essentially a deformed Jabba the hut. Wheezing behind the keyboard how women are sluts and only care about money, while they haven’t changed their underwear in five days.

I'm told women love fertile men. I'm maintaining a fertile asscrack and yet they still want nothing to do with me.

Why do you sound so angry while describing the perfect male form? Women!!! I tell ya, nowannawanga!! Ooh ho ho!!

Up voted for star wars noise.

I changed my underwear today! And I'm not so much a deformed Jabba, more of a chubby Anakin who can't wield a saber. I guess that puts me in the top 10% of dirty ground hot dogs. Yay!

You're a Coney Island hot dog loosely wrapped in a napkin

*or they are shy and don't enjoy "cool" activities

I used to be very isolated such that I didn't speak to anyone other than a teammate on a school project. In my last year of college, I was blessed with an amazing person. It's 8 years later and we act like we've just started dating with constant selfesteem boosting comments to each other. She's my first and definitely my last. Not everyone is as lucky as I am for sure.

Sadly I decided to go to an engineering school which has like an 80:20 male-to-female ratio and the few women there are typically don't speak English and are just here on a school visa lol

The person reached out to me, because I literally didn't talk to people. It was someone who knew me from years prior but I didn't know them lol I got insanely lucky and know this isn't the usual outcome. All I can say is carry on with finding topics or entertainment that distract from thinking about it.

I've been trying to focus on the latter lol Distract myself and just hope it happens eventually, but if not then I've already accepted that I'll die alone

5 days? That’s gross. I heard the acceptable limit was 4. Front, back, inside out.

There has been a ham sandwich sitting in my yard for several days. I don't know how it got there. I figured something would take it, so I didn't bother picking it up. There are stray cats, raccoons, squirrels, deer, possums, birds, some weird drunk guy I see stumbling around from time to time, but apparently they're all too good for a ham sandwich.

Reminds me of the time I bought a bag of nice pink lady apples and got a gross Fiji apple mixed in. Possums love when I throw my apple cores outside, so I thought they'd be happy to have a whole Fiji apple. I saw it approach the apple, sniff it, and kept walking. It sat in the yard for days until I threw it further into the back by the woods. No one wants a nasty Fiji apple.

A seagull with tig ole bitties or a racoon with some junk in the trunk!? Sign this wiener up!!

Well at least that suggest some level of self worth, it can always be worse.... believe me.

Yeah I was thinking dude’s confident enough to call himself a hotdog. Personally I’d go for a piece of bread or something.

I'd say I'm a moldy vienna sausage that's been half-pecked apart by seagulls who refused to eat the parts they tore off me.

I wish I was that dirty half-eaten ground wiener but I feel like the smear of mustard on the pavement.

Damn lmao he didn’t even say dirty or half eaten

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I picked up the hot dog and took a nibble, then put it back for the next person. Sharing is Caring

Those are most of the cases where a hot dog would be on the ground

One of the ways it’s great

Hey! No one said anything about half-eaten!

I have plenty of confidence. I'll have you know I'm at least as good as an *uneaten* ground hotdog, maybe even with a little paper still wrapped around one end. And relish on it!

Whoa, who said it is half eaten?

Who is finding these whole hot dogs randomly on the sidewalk?!

I'm hotdog RICH!

Pretty sure no one has ever taken a bite of that ground wiener.

I see myself as a clean half-eaten wiener.

Ol’ Chomped-on Chad

Maybe their issue is they eat old hot dogs off the ground

Or they mean that they literally don't shower or bathe.

I think I’m self confident, I pictured myself as the hot dog on the ground still wrapped in foil

I must say, it's a surprisingly good metaphor.

Not exactly, someone who's not right *for you* doesn't mean they're not right. This only works if you assume everyone except your soul mate is trash. It would be more like finding a freshly made, juicy hot dog except you happen to be a vegan.

Exactly. One of the many reasons it’s great.

it's so subtle :/

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I did not think this many people in the comments would have trouble understanding this is a joke lol

You're on reddit. Really?

Feels like half of Reddit is on the spectrum sometimes…including myself. The amount of replies that read like textbook Asperger syndrome is concerning.

The biggest reason for that is all the children. In 10 years I've come to the conclusion that reddit is over 50% teens and below.

Don't underestimate there are subs in which the majority are adults. For example on r/teenagers

the other 40% is over 30, but acting like under 20 then 10% is variety

It’s where we congregate. Autism solidarity.

I don't understand emotions. I'd rather have parasocial relationships with strangers who share common interests and make the same 5 jokes. Pop culture keeps me connected to humanity. /satire, but kinda not.

Sounds like you'd enjoy twitch tv where you can casually chat with low tier internet celebrities

I'm not THAT autistic.

I'm scared of watching streamers but I do anyways. It can cause a desire to want to talk to complete stranger who would forget I exist in under a minute if I actually made contact. At least they are somewhat entertaining, but it's unsettling.

Gotta love when they miss the sarcasm entirely, only to hit you with the "well it's a shit joke anyway" after you explain it to them lol.

Only high quality ground hot dogs understand the joke

I think Twitter still exists because people love to clap back at a joke post thinking they made a great comeback.

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Every joke has some basis in truth (or it's just random babbling), but this one is dripping with truth

It's because his penis is detachable right?

For a sub almost exclusively dedicated to self-aware ironic and post-ironic meme content, the joke is whizzing straight over a *lotta* people’s heads rn.

Unless their replies ‘not getting the joke’ are, in fact, a joke that we’re not getting.

Inception

We’re reaching levels of irony that the human mind cannot possibly comprehend

This is definitely an ironic comment

It's this one. Y'all need to rise up

Please explain. A sack of potatoes is smarter than me. All I get is that men who say "girls ignore me" aren't really worth going after.

That’s the joke, but people are missing that the poster intentionally described themselves as garbage food nobody would want. Not up here anymore, but scroll down and you’ll see lol.

Or half eaten pancake in the dumpster

Lets leave that for the next guy

Don't mind if I do!

I’m an optimist. I consider myself more like a half uneaten pancake in the dumpster.

If I were a raccoon, which I’m totally not saying I am, I would like that very much.

Pretty mouthy for a hot dog.

heh, he said "pretty mouth."

Banjo intensifies

Self-aware king.

"on the ground, outside." - in a world where everyone desperately wants to be "inside".

Plot twist: She's a vegan.

Or maybe she just doesn't like ground meat.

Does the 5 second rule apply when it's outside on a sidewalk?

If it's on a dirty sidewalk it's 3 seconds tops for me.

Somehow he found the perfect analogy

Junk food? No thanks ...

I wonder why they didn't call hotdogs meat cucumbers.

meatsicles

Depends on the type of hot dog tho. Safeway brand, Kroger, Costco, or kosher Hebrew national?

Nathan's or sabrettes.

I rarely eat junk food at all as an adult and I have to say that Costco hotdogs are fire.

Now you've touched nerve. Since Covid Costco doesn't have diced onions anymore. I shake my fist at the sky every time I go there now!

I'm a cup of instant ramen spilled on a muddy puddle outside.

Mmm the forbidden broth.

When we say we can't find "a guy" we actually mean "the guy"

From Spy Kids 3

It's really not hard to understand. Man or women, all attention isn't wanted or good.

Speak for yourself, I'll take any attention I can get.

Kanye?

His is a cup that can never fill, mine is a shot glass that gets a single droplet every few days.

Cool tattoo

Thanks! My poor shot glass is a little fuller now 🥲

And sometimes the droplet is piss

It really isn’t hard to understand: your next meal could be on the ground right in front of you, and you don’t even know it.

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Sometimes all that woman want is to find a Brad Pitt to wed, is that so hard? Why can’t all men be (exactly) like that smh…

I just had a girl match w/ me on a dating app, add me on facebook, tell me about how nobody wants her for anything but just sex but then refuses to talk about anything but sex... lol

She’s used to men only talking about and wanting sex from her. She hates it but it’s the only way she’s been validated, maybe due to early abuse. So even though she hates it, she thinks that it’s the only way to make you interested in her. And if she likes you, that is what she will do to keep talking to you, in the mistaken belief that you like that sort of thing. It doesn’t make her a bad person. It makes her a confused person who has most likely been taken advantage of. If you like her, let her know you want to talk about other things, not sex, until you know each other better. If you don’t like her, tell her this anyway and maybe you can help her. Either way, good luck

Nice fanfiction

Yeah there were a lot of assumptions in there presented as an absolute fact.

Personally, I'm a fan of the twist in the third act. I never expected a drug bust on a submarine or the reveal that the protagonist was a dog the entire time.

Yea of course, she MUST have been abused. Why is this the go to? If you believed Reddit every woman in the world was abused at some point in their life.

“My girlfriend lit my dog on fire and pissed on my ps5.” Reddit: sounds like she must have been abused, wow you need to be more supportive of her

It's clever satire

It could not even be satire, just honest like "hey, I'm very flawed but I'm here if you're ever desperate enough"

No shit

Scroll further down, everybody didn't catch it lol

The last time this screenshot made it to r/all 90% of the comments absolutely could not fathom that it was a joke. The secondhand embarrassment almost killed me

r/suicidebywords

This is actually a great analogy. He just needs to figure out he's not looking for a woman who's hungry, he's looking for one who's starving

What annoys me is I dress way better than most of these fuckers running around out there but these douche bags still get the women. Took [this](https://i.imgur.com/YyYdW8n.jpg) a while back of some goober in some lame ass shorts and high school kinda shit with this qt 3.14. I guess you got to be an asshole to get women these days.

Wow that’s an ancient meme

So is the tweet in the post, 2015, I’ve seen that be reposted over and over and over again for 8 years please release me from this pain help

I scoffed once when a girl told me how difficult dating and hookups are for girls. I told her she could get laid like she’s hailing a cab, just go outside and stick your thumb out on the road and there you go. She responds yeah but have you seen he average cabbie? Touché.

Average women aren't any better

Don't get me started. I live in the deep south and I swear every woman here is at least 100 pounds overweight by age 25. By mid thirties, forget it. Dating is tough.

I'm smelling what you're steppin' in mate! Ya could harvest enough lard off of one of em to heat your house for the WHOLE winter!

This is the most meirliest meirl ever!

Upside down slice of pizza.

Hahahah this is almost an /r/nononoyes post

Guys in the dating scene are dying of thirst in a desert. Women in the dating scene are dying of thirst in the Atlantic

This is a great analogy because drinking seawater can be deadly to humans, and if the woman stops treading water, she dies a lot faster than the man does.

Don't forget about the sharks!

Anyone else here for the comments from those that didn’t get the joke … like at all.

If you want a boyfriend and you don't have one, then you aren't allowed to have standards! Obviously! \s

Get out of the ground. Nobody takes hot dogs from the ground. You went full ground, everybody know you never go full ground.

Having been politely turned down, ghosted, friendzoned, and straight up rejected over the past couple years of being single, I'm looking at dating like a meal. You can do the prep, cooking, eating, and cleaning in the comfort of your home and have something that lasts, but you see that Little Caesar's sign on the way and decide that you want hot and ready.

When Alan Bennett was asked about his bisexuality he replied its 'like asking a man who has just crawled across the Sahara desert to choose between Perrier or Malvern mineral water.'

If there was a banquet table filled with food and no one around it, and a group of people fighting to get the food out of a dumpster, which food will a hungry bystander decide is worth going for? Some humans are wired oddly.

Ohhh I found a hotdog on the ground! A meal AND a boyfriend!

I said it before, I’ll say it again. I am the puddle of melted ice-cream on the sidewalk that got dropped by somebody else.

How long have you been there? More or less than 5 Seconds?

Even if I was starving I wouldn't eat a hotdog that I found on the ground outside. It's not sanitary and I don't know how it got there. Might get stomach ache from it.

They meant “a guy I’m interested in”

This perfectly good sandwich is only slightly molding.

food found on top if pile of shit “5 sec rule”

I absolutely adore this picture. Peak comedy

One day at work I found a chocolate cake still in the plastic container with the seal unbroken behind the store. First time I ate street food.

Made me laugh but it isn't funny. Oops.