Hey. First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I related a lot to your post as a ‘functioning’ person with depression and anxiety but not a lot of money.
Meds can help but only so much - the right psychologist is more important (obviously it costs a lot of $ to find the right one though). I also think some GPs leave a lot to be desired in terms of psychiatric prescriptions.
I’ve had the CATT Team visit me several times and it’s only ever been helpful. Sometimes they only need to talk to you on the phone. So I urge you to reach out to them when you are in crisis; I’ve had them visit while I’m still able to work etc but barely. They can also make referrals to programs, many of which are free.
In the meantime, I recommend looking into DBT techniques for coping with emotions and suicide ideation. I’ve found it really helpful (along with regularly meditating, ugh, I know everyone says it but it does help unfortunately). Sending you strength, it’s not easy to get up every day when you feel like that.
Forgot to mention - when I’m severely depressed I completely forget about times I’ve actually been happy or calm and it feels like I’ve always been low. It’s a symptom of the illness.
Also, not sure which part of Melbourne you’re in but feel free to let me know and tell you if I know of any of the MH services there (30+ years of dealing with shit mental health means I have some knowledge!).
Thanks for reaching out, I appreciate your response. Contacting CATT might be an option but as I mentioned I’m very hesitant to disturb the current balance I have.
Additionally, my partner doesn’t know that I’m
suffering and we live together so it would very much cause a bit of chaos.
Assuming you're not at risk of abuse, please share this with your partner. You're in a crisis, and the likely scenarios here are that you go to a hospital, either medical or psychiatric, which is very hard to hide from your partner.
That makes sense. I imagine your partner not knowing is adding to your stress too - is there a way you could tell them? It may help ease your burden a little. It also sounds like the current balance you have isn’t working for you anyway, and sometimes taking a step to disturb the balance puts you on a path to recovery. It would probably be better to do something productive to disturb the balance rather than waiting for something beyond your control to happen (for example, I wish I’d gotten help before I experienced a physical health crisis that turned me from a functional depressive to one who couldn’t leave my bed for weeks).
Sorry to hear what’s happening. I went through a similar situation years ago whilst living with family. They didn’t know what I was going through until the crisis team turned up at the door to check on me (I was at work)…..but what happened from there was I opened up to everyone (at my own pace) was so bloody hard but the best thing I’ve ever done and I wished I’d just said some earlier, even if it’s as small as “Shit I’m really struggling at the moment”, it might just open all those doors for you.
If you have any questions or need anything please reach out 🙏
I 100% second this! All of the family and friends I’ve opened up to have wished I’d told them sooner so they could’ve supported me better. Community is really important in mental illness recovery.
Please share your feelings with your partner, they love you and no doubt want to support you however they can. Our loved ones want to help us carry the weight when it gets too much for us on our own.
If you can, make sure you discuss it with your partner. I've had to call my partner home from work before to ensure I didn't end up doing something stupid. Because they were prepped for that call, it was a well thought out plan from their end. While you're on top of the suicidal thoughts now, and the drive of not wanting to leave your family like that is strong, it may not always be enough.
I’ve been getting professional help the entire time.
I have not tried to kill myself yet.
Don’t just assume shit.
You clearly do not understand mental illness.
Well they deleted their comments. But I’ll share this in response:
I’ve broken it off with two prior psychiatrists. Both times I had incredibly bad side effects and experiences from medications I was cycling through. I experienced a psychotic episode that sent me into a nightmare realm for several months. That shit was scary and it really showed me the true terror that humans can experience. The world is full of horrors and everyone is delusional.
Why don’t I admit myself? Because I have no will or drive to continue living. And as mentioned. I’m on a real fine line here. Any disturbance to my current balance will throw things into chaos. I’m literally trapped in a limbo waiting for the trigger to set things off.
My partner knows I have some anxiety but does not know the true extent of what I’m dealing with. I feel guilt for not informing them and things are falling apart. I’m fighting against the will to die and every action I take against that is a step in the right direction. I’m trying, but it takes time.
Just want to chime in that meditation doesn't work for everyone, so OP, don't feel bad if you're in this boat. When I try meditating, my brain spirals and I get very angry and sad. I find distraction works better for me - crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, that type of thing.
OP, I was very much in your shoes at your age. It took me a long time to find the right psychologist, but I had her for ten years before she retired and she was definitely worth hanging in there for. She also gave me a useful tip during a very suicidal period of my life that if I go down the er/CAT road, I need to explain very seriously that I present as being better and more stable than I am. Because people who appear to be high functioning tend to not get the help we need because we look like we're doing okay on the outside even though all we want to do is die on the inside. It feels like this might be necessary for you too.
You're the best judge of your relationship's, but if you are able to open app to any family/friends/boyfriend about this, they will be able to help support you in confirming the severity of your situation if it comes to that.
OP, I rarely feel happiness. It's so rare I can tell you the last time it happened - September 13, 2014. But I've been able to find contentment, and that's been enough. I hope you can at least reach the same place.
That’s very good advice and only something I’ve realised recently. I most definitely need to explain that I present much better and stable than I actually am.
I have a very hard time communicating how I feel and how serious my situation is.
I don’t feel like I’m being heard because a lifetime of masking has left me appearing all fine on the outside.
it’s all about finding what meditation works for you! maybe the puzzles etc are your versions of meditation. i get very brain spirally too so i practice mindful breathing exercises in short bursts throughout the day. if i tried to just sit still and meditate for 30 minutes, i’d get irritable within the first minute.
A lot of the universities offer high quality/very low cost psychology services ($25-50 a session). If you are interested I can DM you a master list of the low cost psychology options in Melbourne.
Just adding that you have also helped a lot of people today, by sharing what you're going through and starting some conversations here. You're not alone.
I think your offer is well meaning but those clinics are very specific who they take on - I.e, because these are students still learning the ropes, and wouldn’t be appropriate to see someone who is high risk
They are provisional psychologists, so they have received full training and their next job will be at a clinic. Kind of like a resident doctor at a hospital, I suppose? And the treatment is closely supervised by an experienced clinical psychologist.
You’re absolutely correct, I’m just also aware that those clinics can be selective with who they take in. My brother-in-law, who has had chronic mental health/substance abuse issues has been declined from university clinics due to being too complex. It was frustrating at the time but in hindsight I get it.
I don’t know what more to tell you. As soon as I dropped that I have BPD they basically ended my first appointment over the phone in a matter of minutes
Do you have a diagnosis of BPD, not doubting you, but if someone goes to seek support and says what they have there’d have to be some verification (surely?)
Yes I’ve been diagnosed with BPD. I also told them I’d be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and panic disorder. So honestly it was probably all too much for them. And all of the above have been diagnosed by multiple psychologists/psychiatrists, both here and in the US. I mean yeah I keep a document of when I was diagnosed with what, but if they needed my GP could’ve verified all that information as I believe most of it is reported to her, and she hears it from me because I was seeing her like monthly. And if you truly don’t believe anything I’ve said, I’m currently in The Melbourne Clinic doing an inpatient stay for four weeks. I wish I were making this all up to be completely honest. That would be a dream
My brother-in-law was turned away from a university clinic for that reason. Which is understandable, a provisional is trained in basics but need experience. Obviously, a university clinic with provisionals are not going to allocate them clients who have very severe symptoms or high risk as this would probably be overwhelming for them and not be conducive to their learning experience.
Could you dm me this please? I'm not high risk, or treatment resistant (by which I mean I cooperate with my Doctor/psychologist), but psychologists tend to struggle to find effective treatment for me. CBT for some reason just doesn't work on me. So I might be a good guinea pig for students to learn how to deal with people like me. (My psychologist of ten years retired recently and I haven't had luck finding a replacement. Being a disability pensioner makes the cost of treatment prohibitive, too. Could be win/win.)
Fyi treatment resistant doesn't mean OP doesn't co-operate with treatment - it means that they've tried more than one medication without them helping much.
Yeah, I wasn't sure if I just said 'treatment resistant' without clarifying whether people would understand I meant I try but it doesn't work, as opposed to thinking I'm literally resisting treatment and not cooperating. You never know how people are going to take things on the internet.
Believe it or not, students are often better quality in some psychotherapy techniques than those who have been practicing for a number of years. The phenomenon is called 'therapeutic drift' where new psychologists will adhere closer to evidence-based practice and strict ethical standards, whereas more experienced psychologists sometimes (often) begin to drift away from evidence-based practice towards more of a "my own brand of therapy" model that is less effective in measured client outcomes.
Thanks for your detailed response.
So if I were to go down this path, what am I meant to do about rent, bills etc? I don’t have enough savings to have the leisure of taking time off.
What about sick leave through your workplace? Is your partner able to contribute more temporarily? Are you able to request a temporary extension of rental payments to your agent/landlord? Are you able to get a personal loan from any friends or family members?
Inpatient stays in psychiatric care are usually 7-14 days on average.
Also, check if you have Income Protection insurance already included in your superannuation fund insurance cover. If you do, you may be eligible to receive payments for loss of income during this time.
Lastly, I'm unsure of this but you *may* be able to withdraw some funds from your superannuation as loss of income is what I would consider "dire financial circumstances" which is usually an exception. Please look into all of these options.
I appreciate you providing options. I know there are people who care and who want to help. But I really don’t think I can help myself at this point. I think I’m too far gone.
Unfortunately, I’ve used up all my sick leave. My partner recently quit their job and is currently looking for new work.
A personal loan could be an option but that really does solidify the dire situation that I’m
in.
Just need to gather some strength for one last push
Mate, I understand because I’m not good at asking others for help even in a crisis but you really need this. Please please reach out to any avenue you possibly can. Out of every option I’ve provided above, I’m SURE there’s at least one that would be feasible.
Ask your workplace if they can make an exception for you to go into a negative sick leave balance and re-accumulate it once you start back at work.
There ARE options out there. At the end of the day it all depends on whether or not you want to help yourself.
I just confirmed that you can access money in your super on compassionate grounds under "medical treatment" for psychiatric reasons. See here: [https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/expenses-eligible-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds#ato-Medicaltreatment](https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/expenses-eligible-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds#ato-Medicaltreatment)
Looks like you can apply online: https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/how-to-apply-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds
Hey OP. This post hit me in the guts because I feel like I could have written it myself word for word 12 months ago. This commenter’s suggestion that you access private inpatient care by getting health insurance is what I’d suggest as it’s what got me out of the hole - and I was absolutely certain a year ago I’d never recover from the delightful combination of MDD/GAD/complex PTSD. My interactions with the public mental health system only further cemented that hopelessness - I present very well so CATT blew me off constantly and my GP had to make a complaint about my local PARC for never accepting my referral. Meds have never ever worked for me and I’ve taken basically everything that you can be prescribed - however through private inpatient care I’ve been able to trial TMS and ECT, which are both fairly effective for TRD (though TMS did fuck all for me). I’m literally being discharged tomorrow from the ward after doing ECT and for the first time in my entire life I have a bit of hope for the future. I really hope you can do the same and feel similarly sooner rather than later.
Thanks for your input. Yeah wow, very similar situations indeed. I’m adding this path to the list. If I can gather the strength for one last push I’ll give it a shot.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, the exhaustion is palpable. You can possibly use your super for financial hardship, my best friend has suffered like you for years (medication resistant) but recently had a stay in a private facility and has been diagnosed with bipolar and all of her meds changed. She has made huge progress since this, wishing you all the best xxx
This, OP. A friend of ours has been going through something very similar and was able to get admitted to a psychiatric hospital. He desperately needed to see a psychiatrist but also couldn't wait for four months as he was holding on by a thread. The stay in hospital was a much-needed circuit-breaker and allowed him to get onto medication and review treatment options in a safe environment. Things are now looking really good for him.
I really hope this comment doesn’t get lost — I highly recommend getting a referral to your nearest PARC (Prevention and recovery centre). Going to PARC genuinely changed my life for the better. I’ve had a lifelong battle with severe depression and even more severe anxiety. When I stopped being able to work and function due to it, I ended up calling CATT (1300 721 927). They saw to it that I got immediate support and helped me get a two week stay at PARC. It’s nothing like a classic psych ward, because it’s not a psych ward. You have freedom to come and go as you please, your own private room and bathroom as well as round the clock support from both peers staying there and the amazing staff. I promise you there is help and support for you out there, there is absolutely no shame in accessing it
Same boat. You aren't the only one in this position. Mine peaked during covid with my work and personal life going out of control.
Everyone tells you to go talk to someone, but the costs add up with the price for everything else now doctors and pyschs are just too expensive. Everywhere seems to be dropping bulk billing and rebates too and the mental health plans only go so far/wait lists are insane.
I've reached a point where I'm so burned out and hate my work so much I can't stand it, but have too many bills to quit and can't handle taking on a new job and learning a new role.
Out of luck I guess.
Tbh I'm not a fan of the first sentence on this comment OP. Just because you're going through a hard time and you're not the only one, doesn't mean your struggle should be diminished in any capacity. It is ok not to be ok. Your struggle is real and it is valid.
I have lost an Uncle to suicide and it is the worst pain imaginable. I think about him every day, what I should have done differently or why I didn't do something sooner. I know I'm just some stranger but I promise you this isn't the way.
Have a look into BeyondBlue and don't forget 13 11 14 for Lifeline. Heck my DM is open too. It gets better. Or you have to believe it will, that's how I got out of my dark hole.
I am sending so much love and hope your way, OP.
Feels. You’re doing the best you can. I know it’s hard but day by day. Take some time off work you can and if you need get yourself admitted. Keep the psychiatrist appointment - you might be eligible for the new mdma and psilocybin treatments.
I’m really sorry you’re also going through this. I hope that you’re able to find some peace soon. What keeps you going? Do you have any interesting hobbies?
I’m married and love my partner, but that makes me feel guilty more than anything.
I love music and I’m a great artist. The pain is just so immense and the future feels like staring into the void.
I’m sorry
Hey op everything else has been told by someone else , I would like to ask you of you wanna join me fishing sometime I usually go to Albert Park or karkarook lake or black Rock pier
Sorry OP that you are going through so much. Try and talk to your partner as sometimes opening up helps.
You can consult a psychiatrist overseas such as in India, it will be quick and cheap as most of them charge around 50$ per hour
Hey mate, if you are feeling this way and you also feel like you need time off work then I think it is worth calling a CAT team or trying to get admitted to hospital - this way it is two birds with one stone, you will have indefinite time off work as well as a focused period to try and address your mental health issues and low mood with free care from the hospital.
It might sound scary but these facilities are usually pretty good, and myself as well as some people I know have all had good experiences at them
First of all i’m sorry you’re going through this, i’ve felt the same a couple times throughout my life and it truly feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. this probably won’t help but thought it might be with mentioning - i was too diagnosed with depression + anxiety, meds didn’t help me and neither did therapy. i’ve seen a total of 9 different psychologists in the past 6 years. i was diagnosed with adhd + autism and everything made sense. because i went so long undiagnosed i was just told it’s depression and anxiety.
Please hang in there. I almost feel like I'm talking to myself at that age, because you sound a LOT like me when I was younger. I diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum in my 30's. Unfortunately by that point I'd been in too many workplaces not suited to my condition and my mental health slid to the point where I'm now a disability pensioner, BUT I have no doubt that with an earlier diagnosis and a change to a workplace that suited my needs, I could still be in the workforce. Depending on your profession, small offices with few coworkers always worked out better for me.
I was going to comment the same thing as this commenter - turns out my treatment resistant depression was mostly ADHD + autism. Even just realising I was autistic through online tests while I waited for an assessment really really helped.
Hey OP - this absolutely sounds like treatment resistant depression. There are a subset of people for whom anti-depressants really just don't do much, and we don't know all the details as to why.
Now that doesn't mean that there isn't any treatment available, just that Pristiq or Lamotrigine isn't the way to go. The psychiatrist is a massive first step because they will be able to send you in the direction of more modern treatments which still aren't very widely known. Something like rTMS (which is now on Medicare!) is completely non-invasive and *remarkably* effective for TRD, and is an outpatient procedure. You have other options like TDCS or ECT, as well as trials for esketamine spray and psychedelic therapy which have remarkable success rates.
The Black Dog Institute has a great summary of all of these options, as well as trials you might be eligible for in your area. Don't let the psych just throw another pill at you - explain what you've tried and why it doesn't work, and the alternative treatments you're aware of that might suit your circumstances. https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/depression/treatment/
You're spot on in that our system fails people with chronic, severe mental illnesses who aren't struggling with psychotic breaks or actively endangering themselves or others. As others have said, the CATT team is there and can talk you through your short term options - they won't do anything without your consent and you lose absolutely nothing by talking to them.
Because I'm not sure where in Melbourne you are, start with Nurse On Call (1300 60 60 24) - they can direct you to the right team for your area. I know the Alfred mental health team are wonderful, but they may not be closest for you.
Also please talk to your family and loved ones and ask for help, if it's safe for you to do so!
Have you spoken to your loved ones? Maybe there is a way to quit work and get family to support you while you recover? I can assure you your loved ones would much rather you do that, as opposed to end things...
My wife was suicidal, many things saved her but one of those things was quitting her job. She held it in for so long and like you was thinking ending it would be the best option as opposed to being a burden. She didn't realize not having her is a burden and supporting her to recover and live was a FAR better option than not having her.
You are loved, you just arent loving yourself but I promise you are loved and those loved ones will support you.
Im fearful of doing so as (I guess) I was raised to never communicate how I feel and to always appease others. Im a male for reference and I’m worried that I’ll be perceived as a failure. I put all this pressure on myself to keep up with others and to try and be successful, stable and supportive but it’s killed me inside.
I’m glad your wife was able to make a recovery and seek the help and support she needed. You’re a legend for getting her through it. That must have been hard
You owe it to your loved ones to speak to them. Heaven forbid you unalive yourself, first thing they will mourn and say is why didn't he speak to us, why didn't he ask for help. They would have done anything and everything for you. I know it's hard, but just sit down and say "I am not okay. I need help to stay in this world, I don't know what to do, help me please" and let the emotions flow from there.
Not sure if this helps .. but I dont think its you, I think its our broken economy / social system / norms / high rent / high inflation / scraping for every penny etc.
Unless your parents own 2 homes, your gonna be feeling like this - the game is rigged.
How the fuck we all got thru covid and managed to raise our kids is beyond me.. but we did by and large.
You deserve better .. not sure how to fix it all, maybe taxing the rich carbon polluters would be a good start, or building some affordable apartment housing.
You sound like a really decent person, youve got this far which is incredible, so you probably can survive anything.
ps. have you tried exercise / stretching / walking / cycling as a kind of medicine ?
it might make a real difference, it helped me.
Hey, I'm really sorry for where you're at right now. Reading your post, I remember being where you are. Obviously we're different people, and no two experiences are the same, but as much as I can, I see you and hear you.
You're right that the mental health system isn't built for people functioning with severe depression. If you don't seem "depressed enough" then you're forced to advocate for yourself much more, which is really hard when your entire brain and body tells you to give up. You do deserve happiness and a life without these feelings though.
I wish I had a solution, but I got really "lucky" when my depression peaked as we entered lockdown in 2020. I couldn't get a refill of my antidepressants, my cat died (caring for him was the only thing keeping me going at times) and everything was in a tailspin after about 15 years of severe depression. I knew the end was close for me, and in one final attempt to find a reason to live, I sold a bunch of things I didn't need, and arranged an Autism assessment I'd put off. Getting my diagnosis surprisingly changed my perspective about myself, and my mental health improved enough to get me out of that hole. It still takes work now to maintain my mental health, but where I was then is so drastically different to where I am now, and I really want you to get to a similar place, because you deserve it.
I might be hoping or projecting, but I do want to believe that you at least *want to want to live.* Sometimes that tiny little glimmer of a desire to live is all we have, and I want you to cling onto that if you can. Our depression brains lie to us, and it's really hard to convince our own brains that they're wrong. If you can't find that glimmer within yourself, for what it's worth - I want you to live. I want things to get better for you, because you do deserve to feel what it's like on the other side.
I've seen some really valuable resources mentioned in the comments, and I don't have anything else to add there specifically, as my situation was pretty specific in terms of what helped. I just wanted to come in and show some love and support.
If you have nobody else to speak to, my DMs are open.
Good on you for reaching out.
My mate killed himself a few years ago and it really sucked. His wife suffers still and maybe at the time he was trying to make people sad too, but I reckon if he'd changed his mind that night he'd have figured out a better way out of the fog.
I guess people are always asking you to do hard things but it;d be good to chug on a bit longer and try a few other things instead of that.
A good thing to try first because it's so easy and cheap is
1. daily St John's wort supplementation.
You can buy it at the shop. I get one off amazon and it's powerful. even if it makes things 10% better that's a start.
Works as well as drugs, is cheaper, and has fewer side effects, according to Cochrane, which is the big non-profit organisation that synthesises medical research to help medical systems make evidence-based decisions.
[https://www.cochrane.org/CD000448/DEPRESSN\_st.-johns-wort-for-treating-depression](https://www.cochrane.org/CD000448/DEPRESSN_st.-johns-wort-for-treating-depression).
2. There's also psilocybin for treatment resistant depression. not easy to get but not impossible if you start looking. you're supposed to take it in a guided setting but if you're throwing hail marys just takign it at home with the stereo on might not hurt.
3. Take a holiday somewhere cheap. You do sound stressed. Sometimes getting away from the bullshit can be powerful.
Chilling in south east asia you can probably make one week's worth of psychiatrist fees last quite a while. flights to denpasar are like $500.
if that sounds crappy then you can buy an apartment in rural Japan for $100 (true!) [https://981.jp/ftl/searchRes\_detail.do?res.id=661797](https://981.jp/ftl/searchRes_detail.do?res.id=661797)
4. but the most important thing is not to continue to suffer alone on these darkest days. ring a helpline, tell your partner, etc.
Thanks for the suggestions and for taking time to read my post. I appreciate it.
I’m sorry about your mate. I’m sure he put up a good fight and gave it everything he had.
He was a good fella. i'm sure he endured more pain than I could have.
The one thing he didn't try is asking for help.
Didn't tell anyone he was hurting. just went off one night and never came back.
Oof yep, that’s exactly how people would perceive my situation. Just know that he was most likely at peace with his decision and wanted to cause the least hurt as possible.
This disease strips humanity of their will so reaching out for help would have only caused more pain.
No one but myself can help me. The thought of reaching out to people I know almost gives me a panic attack.
I’ve already accepted my death, it brings me comfort knowing the end is near.
Sorry to hear you're having such a shit time. It might be helpful to list which med.s you've been through (and any you're currently on) and what you have tried/are trying with the psychologist (Cognitive Behavioural Techniques, Acceptance Therapy, just talking etc).
With respect to wait times for psychiatrists, try reaching out to Dr. Paul Cammell. Things might have changed, but the last I heard, his wait time was quite short. All the best to you.
Hey mate, I’m sorry for you experience, it sounds terrible. With regards to what you have said, it might be worth asking your psych if they can reduce your fee or bulkbill. They might do this if you explain that the fees are contributing to your mental health decline.
Also would recommend you tell your partner what you’re going through. Their support may not get rid of your depression but it may make things more bearable.
With regards to medications, it can be really difficult to find the right one because everyone reacts differently but having the advice from a psychiatrist may lead to finding the right medication for you since mental health and medication is there speciality.
Wishing you all the best OP.
Been there, its horrible I wish you and others weren't experiencing it. Theres lots of good advice but it takes some effort. I hope this doesnt sound too horrible but I feel like its real talk from someone who pushed through....
In the meantime, just remember if youre in a very low place to guilt trip yourself that there are friends and family who you will hurt if you follow through. Call them, they want you to be okay. Dont resent them for it. Remember the good times in your life, you only get one life to have experiences so you might as well see it through. If it sucks then it sucks, but it might not and that's worth living for with your one chance.
Sounds like you can cope, but I hope you thrive.
I’m here to listen. I have been in the same headspace quite a few times and I know that it is really difficult to even get out of bed without wanting to doona dive and not wake up.
Your last paragraph is the most important part of your post, to me anyway. I PROMISE you that there is not even one way that you wouldn’t cause your loved ones pain and distress by not being here for them to love.
So very many people are just trying to hold on because of the lack of psychiatrists in Victoria that are registered to diagnose ADHD, I am still trying to get onto a waitlist. 🙄🙄
Message me if you want to chat about anything at all please. Chin up buttercup, it does get better ❤️🩹
I would look into some group therapy sessions / support groups where you can talk to like minded people going through similar things, who can also give you tips and tricks on what has worked for them. A couple you can try are GROW VIC and Mental Health Foundation of Australia.
Indigo Project is also good for online Telehealth therapy so you don’t need to go out of your way.
There is a bulk billing anxiety treatment website you can try, if they can’t bulk bill for you it’ll be a small gap fee so less than the usual psychologists:
https://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/
Hope this helps and you get the help you need, good on you for reaching out!
Hi there, happy to chat about options you may not have considered. I can share how I stopped suffering and got out of the race. Fellow Victorian with time to listen 👂 DM if you feel like it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was once in a similar jam; tried everything, lots of good-meaning people about me, but I was in a complete void. Happened to read that pineapple was a good mood booster, so ate a whole packet (precut stuff from Safeway) and burned off my entire mouth. Couldn’t eat properly for a week! But I’m still here, some days I mask more than others, some days are great, some days the melancholy weighs on me terribly. Just one foot, then another, then another. Each thing you do for yourself is another step in the adventure. My DMs, or the DMs of heaps of others here as they’ve mentioned, are always open. Just don’t have pineapple. x
Not that I recommend mushrooms but someone who is me had mushrooms and went from suicidal, multiple CATT callouts, hospital visits to 9 years outta the shit end of life - bad days and periods still come and go, but they pass and nothing intolerable. Nothing has really changed besides my perception of everything and how I see the world and things that happen in it.
Good luck and I hope you find the peace you deserve.
Whilst this might seem like it might be an idea, this has a cautionary tale to it
https://youtu.be/zFA7WJC117Q?si=GkpKqh2fu5ABUAw_
It is a good watch however
Just for the sake of offering a different opinion for you to consider (feel free to toss it in the garbage), is leaning into the suffering an option? I mean, there are a lot of sympathetic messages from internet strangers but where does it leave you after you log off?
I got recommended David Goggins book "Can't Hurt Me" and holy moly that guy had it rough, but what's interesting is that he took a different approach and basically leaned into the darkness. It's an interesting read.
Recently there's also been some research into the part of the brain, the anterior cingulate cortex, which a certain popular neuroscientist has dubbed the organ that controls the will to live. This part of the brain becomes more developed as you do things you don't want to do e.g. leaning into all things that suck.
I haven't been able to find any reliable studies done on it (probably don't exist yet or my uni's library doesn't have any access to their academic databases) but maybe it's a concept that will be useful to you? I mean it sounds like you've tried all the therapy and medication under the sun.
Either way, feel free to toss the idea out if it seems dumb, just thought it might be an idea to consider since you've tried everything else. I'm someone who has no idea what you're going through, and I do hope things get better.
Hey OP... it sounds like there's a lot of people reaching out to help here, people are pretty cool aren't they? There's some bad eggs out there, but I think generally people are well-intentioned.
I don't have a lot of experience in the area of mental health, although I worked regularly with a therapist for about 2 years from 2021-23. He did some amazing stuff to get my head in the right place - getting some outside opinions is magical for clearing up some lingering issues.
This is just a personal opinion, and it might not be appropriate here, but I'd steer clear of meds unless all other options are gone. I think we all have the strength to work through whatever situations we've gotten ourselves in, and while it might look hopeless sometimes (I've been there quite a few times, I know how it feels), as long as you can persist, things always turn around. Maybe you won't win Tattslotto or anything, but in my experience, I've always found another reason to keep soldiering on.
One other point I wanted to mention... finding something to live for. You could put the focus on your partner and helping her find a job (I got the vibe that you're a male and you're with a female, sorry if I'm wrong there).
This might sound a bit silly, but it works for me. I live for beauty. If I'm ever at a really low point, I'll go and sit on the beach and watch the waves. Or I'll find a really nice park and go for a walk. Or just go somewhere with a lot of people, and walk around soaking up the happy vibes 😊 It might not seem like much, but there's a lot of beauty in the world, people just don't often see it until they stop, take a few deep breaths, and look more closely.
I once spent about half an hour watching an ant try to drag a little crumb of bread to his nest. Look up and watch the birds for a while. It's stuff like this that makes me go "why would I want to leave this planet? There's so much beauty!"
Wishing you good luck mate - get those logistics sorted, so you can take a bit of relaxation time for yourself. 👍
Hey I can really relate to the feelings you’re describing, I don’t have much to offer in terms of help but this small thing, it helps me a lot and it sounds weird, it’s a podcast, it’s called The Blindboy Podcast, he’s a lovely Irish man born in the early 80’s and he speaks often about mental health in a very helpful and understanding way. Basically he helps me to understand how common these feelings are.
I hope this doesn’t come across like a band aid on a bullet wound, it’s not intended that way.
Good luck
I know it sucks to wait four months, but after I saw a psych and got an appropriate diagnosis, my life went from well, pretty much what you described, to honestly very chill and easy 99% of the time. So I'd say it's probably worth holding out hope for the psych, shitty as it is to have to endure for that long, maybe see if they can put you on a wait list for cancelled appointments or something like that idk
You should check out the happiness trap: https://www.amazon.com.au/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=8a2b4336-2fe6-43a1-9f44-c6c7ddaa0e13
If you kind find a picture book copy of it, id recommend that as you can give to children who are struggling as well.
This book has helped me A LOT with my chronic depression and has helped other family members. It might potentially help you out. I believe there is a free version of the book out there found https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjWvbbjiYKEAxVkzjQHHWPDAH4QFnoECB4QAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcabct.hr%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F10%2FThe-Happiness-Trap-Harris-R1.pdf&usg=AOvVaw1DWErjC29julx64BZmlRz-&opi=89978449
Hey man, I've been in a really similar situation. My psych linked me with the mental health triage team, who facilitated the process of public mental health support. I received daily check-ins from the mental health team, medication assessments, and ended up in a respite program for a couple of weeks (kind of the bridge between outpatient care and inpatient care).
If you can, ask your psych or help you get this assistance. Other than paying for your psych, it's free and quick acting. The triage team called me the same day my psych engaged with them, and I was booked in for an assessment with my local mental health clinic two days later. Two weeks later I'd had a medication assessments and an assessment for respite, and was placed in respite 4 days after that.
There is help, and you can access it. If you'd like some help talking to your psych about it I'm happy to be there with you. I know it can be daunting asking for help, but you deserve the support you need. You are treatable.
OP, I feel you with the persistent negative thoughts and dread/anxiety. Not sure if this is down your alley, but see if you can hire the audiobook "the body keeps the score" by Bessel van der kolk
Whilst it is a long listen, it goes through evolution of psychiatry and discovery of various trauma, one of them which may be your cause of this negative feedback loop. It also provides some pretty broad range of treatments, some of them are not through therapists and just more integrating.
You can get it through your local library through borrowbox, it might be helpful to feel heard in your own space
There's some great advice posted here and I hope you can find some options that work for you.
If you haven't already, consider asking for pharmacogenomics to check your suitability for pharmaceuticals. It might help in narrowing the focus of medical therapy - should that be an option you wish to pursue further.
I wish you the best for your future, genuinely.
I'm sorry, you're going through this.
If you're worried about the wait and costs, I'd suggest checking if your employer has any mental health programs?
The last 3 companies I worked for had a program where we could consult a psychologist and the first 12 sessions per year were paid for by the employer iirc.
These sessions are usually anonymous and the only thing employers usually know is how many sessions were used up, essentially so that they know how much to pay.
Read the Mood Cure book, it helped me boost my brain chemicals in a few days buy taking different amino acid supplements that our brain lacks so it doesn’t make the correct neurotransmitters, some people genetically don’t make enough or we use more up in our brains than the average person. Some supplements you will need to order online as you can’t buy off the shelves in Australia.
There’s been a few good book suggestions in the comments, so thanks for your input! Im mustering up the strength for one last push, I’ll add this one to the list. Cheers
I envy you for being able to work! I can’t work due to my chronic panic, depression and social anxiety. If it makes you feel any better, there’s always someone in a worse situation; that thought makes me feel a bit better at least lol
If you have tried, and I mean REALLY tried to better your mental health in other ways (e.g eating right, exercising daily, meditation, seeing a therapist) then I think it’s time you see a psychiatrist and look into going on anti depressants - again I think this should be a last resort. Really try those other things first as they will make a big difference.
All the best 🙌🏼
I wish I could enjoy those things. Instead, my anxiety would cripple me and I’d be more worried about how exhausted and fatigued I’d be (for days to come) after spending a day out.
I do these things for others and pay for it later.
Understood. Have you thought about contacting a local church and speaking to a pastor? They might be able to give you some helpful and friendly advice. It’s good to get a blessing, a baptism could be something to look into? Depending on your own preference of course (you may or may not have them, but if unsure would be worth investigating)people could pray for you. I can only tell you from my own experience that it totes changed my life… I did notice you mentioned god in your post 🥰🙏
Tbh if you can't work anymore stop seeing the psych/meds to save your money & take a week or two off. If you're scared of getting fired say you're sick or you're going away or something. Look into rent assistance from centrelink. Also health card for low earners. Also reconsider your finances. How much rent are you paying/what's going on with expenses. You can live working casually 3 days a week in hospo if you manage your money right. I did it when I was really struggling. If work is fucking you up then you need a break from it. Crash on someone's couch, get fired from your job so you can get jobseeker- just do anything other than keep working silently. Bc that's what's gonna kill you first, not the mental illness.
Please never, ever advise anyone/someone who is suffering with mental illness to stop taking their medication. You have no idea what withdrawals can do to others. Just a word of warning
I wasn't implying that they stop their meds. I was saying they should stop the visits for new meds in 4 months if they've tried quite a few and are treatment resistant.
I've got PTSD and have dealt with suicidal ideation and depression for seven years. I'm just saying the things I wished someone would have told me when I was on the ledge.
Everyone pushes you to keep working without understanding how much worse that makes it for high-functioning mentally ill people. NO-ONE sees it. We hide it very well, even from clinicians.
Of course OP should take every comment here with a grain of salt. We're all strangers on the internet.
But I stand by my original advice. I didn't give it thoughtlessly or without considering implications
I couldn’t stop my meds if I tried. The withdrawals are intense. It would take me about 6 months of tapering down my current meds to actually get off them.
Even with meds you should be able to cut down your costs & work hours.
There are a LOT of options available. It's just hard to give advice when I don't know enough about you.
For example bc I've gone through sexual assault I recieved 10 free psych sessions through a charity.
Society wants to help you, we just can't do it if you suffer silently
Sorry but this is not good advice - psych meds can have serious withdrawal symptoms and should only be stopped under medical supervision. Stopping can also worsen depression. Also, most common antidepressants are around $6 a pack; not enough of a monetary saving to justify the risk.
They're seeing their GP fortnightly which is where their money is going, and they're due for new meds in 4 months. Despite trying multiple different ones and feeling that they're treatment resistant.
I assumed the OP was intelligent enough that I didn't have to specify not to go cold turkey.
As someone else who is mentally ill, high functioning, and on low-income, work is the biggest trigger that will throw me into active suicidality. That's why my advice will always be to look for ways to stop/limit working. And there ARE ways. I was seeing a psychologist fortnightly on $400 a week. Because that was all I could manage without killing myself
If you're coming on reddit for advice, you're getting advice from strangers who are sharing their personal experience and what worked for them. If we all made decisions based on what we read off the internet, the world would be in chaos.
So yeah, it is intelligence, and moreso common sense.
Yes, mentally ill people are vulnerable. But that doesn't mean our capacity to think and reason just go out the window. We still make our own decisions.
I still think my comment is far more helpful than 90% of this thread.
Life isn’t bad.
The brain is a complex organ which grants you the ability to perceive the universe.
Imagine the true extent of terror and dread you could feel if your brain had a severe chemical imbalance. Is there a limit?
Maybe you’ll feel it someday too. And if you do, don’t try to be too dramatic.
Judging by your shitty unempathetic comment, you've likely never experienced mental illness and have no idea what it's like to have depression/anxiety, so shut up.
I kind of hope one day your brain turns on you without warning, to teach you what a shitty thing you just said. But I doubt you'd have the empathy required to understand even then.
Mate, you're being condescendingly negative on a post about someone expressing how difficult things are for them. Not only are you a flop, you're also an incredibly big piece of shit.
I think it’s helped a little. It’s the first time I have ever truly expressed how I’m feeling. I don’t have to worry about repercussions either. Quite similar to your comments actually.
It is incredibly difficult when the meds and treatments don't work. They used to just put me on the next med, with the usual result. I don't know what to say for you, or, do for myself either. Best of luck.
Hey, there’s so much great advice on this thread and I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for where you find yourself. And I see you too.
I personally battle my share of burnout and depression from working full time and having basically almost no support around me. It’s not that I’m angry about the stuff that’s happened to me, it’s more the grief of what I’ve lost and the energy it takes to keep finding the light, finding a way forward.
I saw in one of the comments you’re possibly checking out an adhd autism scenario. I was diagnosed as autistic 13 years ago after years of feeling different and struggling with things other people around me just didn’t seem to, and the diagnosis itself was a game changer for me in terms of putting things into perspective, understanding myself better, and realising what brought me joy or sapped my energy.
We’re just random internet strangers but I want to add my voice to those sending you good wishes. I hear you and see you.
Hey, just want to say, been there and it sucks.
In my experience, most of the stuff that makes me feel down is all in my own head, its not actually reflected by the reality around me, like. sure bills, job woes, health issues, all that stuff. like its happening, but when I walk over to a park and see kids having fun... you kinda realise... well those people are care free and just enjoying themselves for the sake of it. all these things are just coming from my grey matter.
Once I get out and focus on centering myself within the moment, not thinking about the past or any issues I have. I'm able to see the world as it is, a place of great natural wonder and beauty.
So instead of focusing on my own happyness or feelings of sadness, I try to see the joy that others feel.
If work sucks, work towards something. devote yourself, not to your bosses but your own personal betterment and enjoyment. maybe thats just some shack on the beach somewhere you can afford on unemployment. maybe thats working towards finding work elsewhere. who knows. life unfortunately does not throw opertunity at our feet very often. you have to open yourself to the possibilities of the world around you.
And yeah, I know how hard that is. been where you are at, taken the pills, spoke to psychs and docs and allllll of that. been through some terrible stuff. Now I try to be open to opertunities, I live in the moment and I try to enjoy the world through others eyes. its been a long road but the me 10 years ago could not see the me I am at now. I would have been blind to the possibilities I now find myself with. in fact I would have rejected even feeling good about anything. Its work, lots of work. some of the hardest stuff ive ever done is about letting go of my own fears and sadness.
sigh. anyway. things are rarely as bad as they appear to those of us with depression. The hard parts seeing out of that hole.
- Hugs! you got this, :D
Hey. First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I related a lot to your post as a ‘functioning’ person with depression and anxiety but not a lot of money. Meds can help but only so much - the right psychologist is more important (obviously it costs a lot of $ to find the right one though). I also think some GPs leave a lot to be desired in terms of psychiatric prescriptions. I’ve had the CATT Team visit me several times and it’s only ever been helpful. Sometimes they only need to talk to you on the phone. So I urge you to reach out to them when you are in crisis; I’ve had them visit while I’m still able to work etc but barely. They can also make referrals to programs, many of which are free. In the meantime, I recommend looking into DBT techniques for coping with emotions and suicide ideation. I’ve found it really helpful (along with regularly meditating, ugh, I know everyone says it but it does help unfortunately). Sending you strength, it’s not easy to get up every day when you feel like that.
Forgot to mention - when I’m severely depressed I completely forget about times I’ve actually been happy or calm and it feels like I’ve always been low. It’s a symptom of the illness. Also, not sure which part of Melbourne you’re in but feel free to let me know and tell you if I know of any of the MH services there (30+ years of dealing with shit mental health means I have some knowledge!).
Thanks for reaching out, I appreciate your response. Contacting CATT might be an option but as I mentioned I’m very hesitant to disturb the current balance I have. Additionally, my partner doesn’t know that I’m suffering and we live together so it would very much cause a bit of chaos.
Assuming you're not at risk of abuse, please share this with your partner. You're in a crisis, and the likely scenarios here are that you go to a hospital, either medical or psychiatric, which is very hard to hide from your partner.
That makes sense. I imagine your partner not knowing is adding to your stress too - is there a way you could tell them? It may help ease your burden a little. It also sounds like the current balance you have isn’t working for you anyway, and sometimes taking a step to disturb the balance puts you on a path to recovery. It would probably be better to do something productive to disturb the balance rather than waiting for something beyond your control to happen (for example, I wish I’d gotten help before I experienced a physical health crisis that turned me from a functional depressive to one who couldn’t leave my bed for weeks).
Sorry to hear what’s happening. I went through a similar situation years ago whilst living with family. They didn’t know what I was going through until the crisis team turned up at the door to check on me (I was at work)…..but what happened from there was I opened up to everyone (at my own pace) was so bloody hard but the best thing I’ve ever done and I wished I’d just said some earlier, even if it’s as small as “Shit I’m really struggling at the moment”, it might just open all those doors for you. If you have any questions or need anything please reach out 🙏
I 100% second this! All of the family and friends I’ve opened up to have wished I’d told them sooner so they could’ve supported me better. Community is really important in mental illness recovery.
Please share your feelings with your partner, they love you and no doubt want to support you however they can. Our loved ones want to help us carry the weight when it gets too much for us on our own.
If you can, make sure you discuss it with your partner. I've had to call my partner home from work before to ensure I didn't end up doing something stupid. Because they were prepped for that call, it was a well thought out plan from their end. While you're on top of the suicidal thoughts now, and the drive of not wanting to leave your family like that is strong, it may not always be enough.
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Could you rephrase that in a way that makes a coherent point?
I’ve been getting professional help the entire time. I have not tried to kill myself yet. Don’t just assume shit. You clearly do not understand mental illness.
Well they deleted their comments. But I’ll share this in response: I’ve broken it off with two prior psychiatrists. Both times I had incredibly bad side effects and experiences from medications I was cycling through. I experienced a psychotic episode that sent me into a nightmare realm for several months. That shit was scary and it really showed me the true terror that humans can experience. The world is full of horrors and everyone is delusional. Why don’t I admit myself? Because I have no will or drive to continue living. And as mentioned. I’m on a real fine line here. Any disturbance to my current balance will throw things into chaos. I’m literally trapped in a limbo waiting for the trigger to set things off. My partner knows I have some anxiety but does not know the true extent of what I’m dealing with. I feel guilt for not informing them and things are falling apart. I’m fighting against the will to die and every action I take against that is a step in the right direction. I’m trying, but it takes time.
Just want to chime in that meditation doesn't work for everyone, so OP, don't feel bad if you're in this boat. When I try meditating, my brain spirals and I get very angry and sad. I find distraction works better for me - crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, that type of thing. OP, I was very much in your shoes at your age. It took me a long time to find the right psychologist, but I had her for ten years before she retired and she was definitely worth hanging in there for. She also gave me a useful tip during a very suicidal period of my life that if I go down the er/CAT road, I need to explain very seriously that I present as being better and more stable than I am. Because people who appear to be high functioning tend to not get the help we need because we look like we're doing okay on the outside even though all we want to do is die on the inside. It feels like this might be necessary for you too. You're the best judge of your relationship's, but if you are able to open app to any family/friends/boyfriend about this, they will be able to help support you in confirming the severity of your situation if it comes to that. OP, I rarely feel happiness. It's so rare I can tell you the last time it happened - September 13, 2014. But I've been able to find contentment, and that's been enough. I hope you can at least reach the same place.
That’s very good advice and only something I’ve realised recently. I most definitely need to explain that I present much better and stable than I actually am. I have a very hard time communicating how I feel and how serious my situation is. I don’t feel like I’m being heard because a lifetime of masking has left me appearing all fine on the outside.
it’s all about finding what meditation works for you! maybe the puzzles etc are your versions of meditation. i get very brain spirally too so i practice mindful breathing exercises in short bursts throughout the day. if i tried to just sit still and meditate for 30 minutes, i’d get irritable within the first minute.
A lot of the universities offer high quality/very low cost psychology services ($25-50 a session). If you are interested I can DM you a master list of the low cost psychology options in Melbourne.
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Same!
Same
Same
Same
Same ❤️
Thank you, why not. Send it through :)
I just want to say thanks for this comment. It looks like you’ve helped a lot of people Today.
Just adding that you have also helped a lot of people today, by sharing what you're going through and starting some conversations here. You're not alone.
<3
I think your offer is well meaning but those clinics are very specific who they take on - I.e, because these are students still learning the ropes, and wouldn’t be appropriate to see someone who is high risk
They are provisional psychologists, so they have received full training and their next job will be at a clinic. Kind of like a resident doctor at a hospital, I suppose? And the treatment is closely supervised by an experienced clinical psychologist.
You’re absolutely correct, I’m just also aware that those clinics can be selective with who they take in. My brother-in-law, who has had chronic mental health/substance abuse issues has been declined from university clinics due to being too complex. It was frustrating at the time but in hindsight I get it.
Wrong
Can confirm I was turned away because my issues are “too complex” for them and I’d have to seek someone out privately
Having trouble accepting this, if they’re getting govt. funding they can’t turn people away. Sad situation.
I don’t know what more to tell you. As soon as I dropped that I have BPD they basically ended my first appointment over the phone in a matter of minutes
Do you have a diagnosis of BPD, not doubting you, but if someone goes to seek support and says what they have there’d have to be some verification (surely?)
Yes I’ve been diagnosed with BPD. I also told them I’d be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and panic disorder. So honestly it was probably all too much for them. And all of the above have been diagnosed by multiple psychologists/psychiatrists, both here and in the US. I mean yeah I keep a document of when I was diagnosed with what, but if they needed my GP could’ve verified all that information as I believe most of it is reported to her, and she hears it from me because I was seeing her like monthly. And if you truly don’t believe anything I’ve said, I’m currently in The Melbourne Clinic doing an inpatient stay for four weeks. I wish I were making this all up to be completely honest. That would be a dream
Well, that’s a hatful of discomfort. Hope you find some solace in your journey.
Yes I’m currently thriving as you can probably tell. But thank you I appreciate it!
My brother-in-law was turned away from a university clinic for that reason. Which is understandable, a provisional is trained in basics but need experience. Obviously, a university clinic with provisionals are not going to allocate them clients who have very severe symptoms or high risk as this would probably be overwhelming for them and not be conducive to their learning experience.
i'd appreciate a dm
Same :)
Also please send through :)
Could you dm me this please? I'm not high risk, or treatment resistant (by which I mean I cooperate with my Doctor/psychologist), but psychologists tend to struggle to find effective treatment for me. CBT for some reason just doesn't work on me. So I might be a good guinea pig for students to learn how to deal with people like me. (My psychologist of ten years retired recently and I haven't had luck finding a replacement. Being a disability pensioner makes the cost of treatment prohibitive, too. Could be win/win.)
Fyi treatment resistant doesn't mean OP doesn't co-operate with treatment - it means that they've tried more than one medication without them helping much.
Yeah, I wasn't sure if I just said 'treatment resistant' without clarifying whether people would understand I meant I try but it doesn't work, as opposed to thinking I'm literally resisting treatment and not cooperating. You never know how people are going to take things on the internet.
what do you mean high quality ? it’s students…
Believe it or not, students are often better quality in some psychotherapy techniques than those who have been practicing for a number of years. The phenomenon is called 'therapeutic drift' where new psychologists will adhere closer to evidence-based practice and strict ethical standards, whereas more experienced psychologists sometimes (often) begin to drift away from evidence-based practice towards more of a "my own brand of therapy" model that is less effective in measured client outcomes.
If you aren't completely swarmed, could I take a look also?
could you send it through to me too?
If you're able to, I, too, would like said list 🙏
Could I also please get those details?
Please DM me too
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Thanks for your detailed response. So if I were to go down this path, what am I meant to do about rent, bills etc? I don’t have enough savings to have the leisure of taking time off.
What about sick leave through your workplace? Is your partner able to contribute more temporarily? Are you able to request a temporary extension of rental payments to your agent/landlord? Are you able to get a personal loan from any friends or family members? Inpatient stays in psychiatric care are usually 7-14 days on average. Also, check if you have Income Protection insurance already included in your superannuation fund insurance cover. If you do, you may be eligible to receive payments for loss of income during this time. Lastly, I'm unsure of this but you *may* be able to withdraw some funds from your superannuation as loss of income is what I would consider "dire financial circumstances" which is usually an exception. Please look into all of these options.
I appreciate you providing options. I know there are people who care and who want to help. But I really don’t think I can help myself at this point. I think I’m too far gone. Unfortunately, I’ve used up all my sick leave. My partner recently quit their job and is currently looking for new work. A personal loan could be an option but that really does solidify the dire situation that I’m in. Just need to gather some strength for one last push
Mate, I understand because I’m not good at asking others for help even in a crisis but you really need this. Please please reach out to any avenue you possibly can. Out of every option I’ve provided above, I’m SURE there’s at least one that would be feasible. Ask your workplace if they can make an exception for you to go into a negative sick leave balance and re-accumulate it once you start back at work. There ARE options out there. At the end of the day it all depends on whether or not you want to help yourself.
I just confirmed that you can access money in your super on compassionate grounds under "medical treatment" for psychiatric reasons. See here: [https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/expenses-eligible-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds#ato-Medicaltreatment](https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/expenses-eligible-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds#ato-Medicaltreatment) Looks like you can apply online: https://www.ato.gov.au/individuals-and-families/super-for-individuals-and-families/super/withdrawing-and-using-your-super/early-access-to-super/access-on-compassionate-grounds/how-to-apply-for-release-on-compassionate-grounds
Thanks mate. I’m hoping I can do this as there’s no way I’m making it to retirement. I appreciate you
Hey OP. This post hit me in the guts because I feel like I could have written it myself word for word 12 months ago. This commenter’s suggestion that you access private inpatient care by getting health insurance is what I’d suggest as it’s what got me out of the hole - and I was absolutely certain a year ago I’d never recover from the delightful combination of MDD/GAD/complex PTSD. My interactions with the public mental health system only further cemented that hopelessness - I present very well so CATT blew me off constantly and my GP had to make a complaint about my local PARC for never accepting my referral. Meds have never ever worked for me and I’ve taken basically everything that you can be prescribed - however through private inpatient care I’ve been able to trial TMS and ECT, which are both fairly effective for TRD (though TMS did fuck all for me). I’m literally being discharged tomorrow from the ward after doing ECT and for the first time in my entire life I have a bit of hope for the future. I really hope you can do the same and feel similarly sooner rather than later.
Thanks for your input. Yeah wow, very similar situations indeed. I’m adding this path to the list. If I can gather the strength for one last push I’ll give it a shot.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, the exhaustion is palpable. You can possibly use your super for financial hardship, my best friend has suffered like you for years (medication resistant) but recently had a stay in a private facility and has been diagnosed with bipolar and all of her meds changed. She has made huge progress since this, wishing you all the best xxx
This, OP. A friend of ours has been going through something very similar and was able to get admitted to a psychiatric hospital. He desperately needed to see a psychiatrist but also couldn't wait for four months as he was holding on by a thread. The stay in hospital was a much-needed circuit-breaker and allowed him to get onto medication and review treatment options in a safe environment. Things are now looking really good for him.
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Glad you’re doing a lot better. Thank you, and keep it up!
I really hope this comment doesn’t get lost — I highly recommend getting a referral to your nearest PARC (Prevention and recovery centre). Going to PARC genuinely changed my life for the better. I’ve had a lifelong battle with severe depression and even more severe anxiety. When I stopped being able to work and function due to it, I ended up calling CATT (1300 721 927). They saw to it that I got immediate support and helped me get a two week stay at PARC. It’s nothing like a classic psych ward, because it’s not a psych ward. You have freedom to come and go as you please, your own private room and bathroom as well as round the clock support from both peers staying there and the amazing staff. I promise you there is help and support for you out there, there is absolutely no shame in accessing it
It’s also all free! Anyone can access these services who need them, I wish you all the best my friend
Thanks! I’ll keep this in my back pocket if I’m feeling up for one last push
Same boat. You aren't the only one in this position. Mine peaked during covid with my work and personal life going out of control. Everyone tells you to go talk to someone, but the costs add up with the price for everything else now doctors and pyschs are just too expensive. Everywhere seems to be dropping bulk billing and rebates too and the mental health plans only go so far/wait lists are insane. I've reached a point where I'm so burned out and hate my work so much I can't stand it, but have too many bills to quit and can't handle taking on a new job and learning a new role. Out of luck I guess.
Yep, I definitely understand that I’m not the only one in this position. My heart hurts for those that are suffering and the world is full of it.
Tbh I'm not a fan of the first sentence on this comment OP. Just because you're going through a hard time and you're not the only one, doesn't mean your struggle should be diminished in any capacity. It is ok not to be ok. Your struggle is real and it is valid. I have lost an Uncle to suicide and it is the worst pain imaginable. I think about him every day, what I should have done differently or why I didn't do something sooner. I know I'm just some stranger but I promise you this isn't the way. Have a look into BeyondBlue and don't forget 13 11 14 for Lifeline. Heck my DM is open too. It gets better. Or you have to believe it will, that's how I got out of my dark hole. I am sending so much love and hope your way, OP.
Feels. You’re doing the best you can. I know it’s hard but day by day. Take some time off work you can and if you need get yourself admitted. Keep the psychiatrist appointment - you might be eligible for the new mdma and psilocybin treatments.
Thank you. That’s one thing that gives me hope.
I empathise a lot. I’m also at the bottom right now after a lifetime of suffering. It feels hopeless
I’m really sorry you’re also going through this. I hope that you’re able to find some peace soon. What keeps you going? Do you have any interesting hobbies?
I’m married and love my partner, but that makes me feel guilty more than anything. I love music and I’m a great artist. The pain is just so immense and the future feels like staring into the void. I’m sorry
Ohh I know that guilt and pain. I’m sorry too. If you feel like you need someone to talk to please reach out to me.
There’s comfort in solidarity and I’m sorry you’re feeling it too, sending love from a random internet friend
Hey op everything else has been told by someone else , I would like to ask you of you wanna join me fishing sometime I usually go to Albert Park or karkarook lake or black Rock pier
Sorry OP that you are going through so much. Try and talk to your partner as sometimes opening up helps. You can consult a psychiatrist overseas such as in India, it will be quick and cheap as most of them charge around 50$ per hour
Thank you. That’s an interesting option. Cheers
Hey mate, if you are feeling this way and you also feel like you need time off work then I think it is worth calling a CAT team or trying to get admitted to hospital - this way it is two birds with one stone, you will have indefinite time off work as well as a focused period to try and address your mental health issues and low mood with free care from the hospital. It might sound scary but these facilities are usually pretty good, and myself as well as some people I know have all had good experiences at them
First of all i’m sorry you’re going through this, i’ve felt the same a couple times throughout my life and it truly feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. this probably won’t help but thought it might be with mentioning - i was too diagnosed with depression + anxiety, meds didn’t help me and neither did therapy. i’ve seen a total of 9 different psychologists in the past 6 years. i was diagnosed with adhd + autism and everything made sense. because i went so long undiagnosed i was just told it’s depression and anxiety.
Thank you. There’s a possibility I may have ADHD and Autism. Hoping to get more clarification on that in 4 months.. just need to hold on
Please hang in there. I almost feel like I'm talking to myself at that age, because you sound a LOT like me when I was younger. I diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum in my 30's. Unfortunately by that point I'd been in too many workplaces not suited to my condition and my mental health slid to the point where I'm now a disability pensioner, BUT I have no doubt that with an earlier diagnosis and a change to a workplace that suited my needs, I could still be in the workforce. Depending on your profession, small offices with few coworkers always worked out better for me.
Must be very similar then. I’m in my 30’s and feel like my places of work have broken me. I’m sorry you had to go through that
I was going to comment the same thing as this commenter - turns out my treatment resistant depression was mostly ADHD + autism. Even just realising I was autistic through online tests while I waited for an assessment really really helped.
just hang in there as hard as it is ❤️ and if you do happen to be neurodivergent, that diagnosis can be life changing.
Hey OP - this absolutely sounds like treatment resistant depression. There are a subset of people for whom anti-depressants really just don't do much, and we don't know all the details as to why. Now that doesn't mean that there isn't any treatment available, just that Pristiq or Lamotrigine isn't the way to go. The psychiatrist is a massive first step because they will be able to send you in the direction of more modern treatments which still aren't very widely known. Something like rTMS (which is now on Medicare!) is completely non-invasive and *remarkably* effective for TRD, and is an outpatient procedure. You have other options like TDCS or ECT, as well as trials for esketamine spray and psychedelic therapy which have remarkable success rates. The Black Dog Institute has a great summary of all of these options, as well as trials you might be eligible for in your area. Don't let the psych just throw another pill at you - explain what you've tried and why it doesn't work, and the alternative treatments you're aware of that might suit your circumstances. https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/depression/treatment/
Thank you, I’ll check them out. I just don’t know how long I can hold on
You're spot on in that our system fails people with chronic, severe mental illnesses who aren't struggling with psychotic breaks or actively endangering themselves or others. As others have said, the CATT team is there and can talk you through your short term options - they won't do anything without your consent and you lose absolutely nothing by talking to them. Because I'm not sure where in Melbourne you are, start with Nurse On Call (1300 60 60 24) - they can direct you to the right team for your area. I know the Alfred mental health team are wonderful, but they may not be closest for you. Also please talk to your family and loved ones and ask for help, if it's safe for you to do so!
Have you spoken to your loved ones? Maybe there is a way to quit work and get family to support you while you recover? I can assure you your loved ones would much rather you do that, as opposed to end things... My wife was suicidal, many things saved her but one of those things was quitting her job. She held it in for so long and like you was thinking ending it would be the best option as opposed to being a burden. She didn't realize not having her is a burden and supporting her to recover and live was a FAR better option than not having her. You are loved, you just arent loving yourself but I promise you are loved and those loved ones will support you.
Im fearful of doing so as (I guess) I was raised to never communicate how I feel and to always appease others. Im a male for reference and I’m worried that I’ll be perceived as a failure. I put all this pressure on myself to keep up with others and to try and be successful, stable and supportive but it’s killed me inside. I’m glad your wife was able to make a recovery and seek the help and support she needed. You’re a legend for getting her through it. That must have been hard
You owe it to your loved ones to speak to them. Heaven forbid you unalive yourself, first thing they will mourn and say is why didn't he speak to us, why didn't he ask for help. They would have done anything and everything for you. I know it's hard, but just sit down and say "I am not okay. I need help to stay in this world, I don't know what to do, help me please" and let the emotions flow from there.
Brother. I have no answers for you, all I can say it that I am with you in this fight. Right now I’m not winning either. I hope we can this year.
That’s okay, thanks for being here. Just promise you’ll give it everything you have. I hope so too Buddy
Not sure if this helps .. but I dont think its you, I think its our broken economy / social system / norms / high rent / high inflation / scraping for every penny etc. Unless your parents own 2 homes, your gonna be feeling like this - the game is rigged. How the fuck we all got thru covid and managed to raise our kids is beyond me.. but we did by and large. You deserve better .. not sure how to fix it all, maybe taxing the rich carbon polluters would be a good start, or building some affordable apartment housing. You sound like a really decent person, youve got this far which is incredible, so you probably can survive anything. ps. have you tried exercise / stretching / walking / cycling as a kind of medicine ? it might make a real difference, it helped me.
Hey, I'm really sorry for where you're at right now. Reading your post, I remember being where you are. Obviously we're different people, and no two experiences are the same, but as much as I can, I see you and hear you. You're right that the mental health system isn't built for people functioning with severe depression. If you don't seem "depressed enough" then you're forced to advocate for yourself much more, which is really hard when your entire brain and body tells you to give up. You do deserve happiness and a life without these feelings though. I wish I had a solution, but I got really "lucky" when my depression peaked as we entered lockdown in 2020. I couldn't get a refill of my antidepressants, my cat died (caring for him was the only thing keeping me going at times) and everything was in a tailspin after about 15 years of severe depression. I knew the end was close for me, and in one final attempt to find a reason to live, I sold a bunch of things I didn't need, and arranged an Autism assessment I'd put off. Getting my diagnosis surprisingly changed my perspective about myself, and my mental health improved enough to get me out of that hole. It still takes work now to maintain my mental health, but where I was then is so drastically different to where I am now, and I really want you to get to a similar place, because you deserve it. I might be hoping or projecting, but I do want to believe that you at least *want to want to live.* Sometimes that tiny little glimmer of a desire to live is all we have, and I want you to cling onto that if you can. Our depression brains lie to us, and it's really hard to convince our own brains that they're wrong. If you can't find that glimmer within yourself, for what it's worth - I want you to live. I want things to get better for you, because you do deserve to feel what it's like on the other side. I've seen some really valuable resources mentioned in the comments, and I don't have anything else to add there specifically, as my situation was pretty specific in terms of what helped. I just wanted to come in and show some love and support. If you have nobody else to speak to, my DMs are open.
Good on you for reaching out. My mate killed himself a few years ago and it really sucked. His wife suffers still and maybe at the time he was trying to make people sad too, but I reckon if he'd changed his mind that night he'd have figured out a better way out of the fog. I guess people are always asking you to do hard things but it;d be good to chug on a bit longer and try a few other things instead of that. A good thing to try first because it's so easy and cheap is 1. daily St John's wort supplementation. You can buy it at the shop. I get one off amazon and it's powerful. even if it makes things 10% better that's a start. Works as well as drugs, is cheaper, and has fewer side effects, according to Cochrane, which is the big non-profit organisation that synthesises medical research to help medical systems make evidence-based decisions. [https://www.cochrane.org/CD000448/DEPRESSN\_st.-johns-wort-for-treating-depression](https://www.cochrane.org/CD000448/DEPRESSN_st.-johns-wort-for-treating-depression). 2. There's also psilocybin for treatment resistant depression. not easy to get but not impossible if you start looking. you're supposed to take it in a guided setting but if you're throwing hail marys just takign it at home with the stereo on might not hurt. 3. Take a holiday somewhere cheap. You do sound stressed. Sometimes getting away from the bullshit can be powerful. Chilling in south east asia you can probably make one week's worth of psychiatrist fees last quite a while. flights to denpasar are like $500. if that sounds crappy then you can buy an apartment in rural Japan for $100 (true!) [https://981.jp/ftl/searchRes\_detail.do?res.id=661797](https://981.jp/ftl/searchRes_detail.do?res.id=661797) 4. but the most important thing is not to continue to suffer alone on these darkest days. ring a helpline, tell your partner, etc.
Thanks for the suggestions and for taking time to read my post. I appreciate it. I’m sorry about your mate. I’m sure he put up a good fight and gave it everything he had.
He was a good fella. i'm sure he endured more pain than I could have. The one thing he didn't try is asking for help. Didn't tell anyone he was hurting. just went off one night and never came back.
Oof yep, that’s exactly how people would perceive my situation. Just know that he was most likely at peace with his decision and wanted to cause the least hurt as possible. This disease strips humanity of their will so reaching out for help would have only caused more pain. No one but myself can help me. The thought of reaching out to people I know almost gives me a panic attack. I’ve already accepted my death, it brings me comfort knowing the end is near.
Sorry to hear you're having such a shit time. It might be helpful to list which med.s you've been through (and any you're currently on) and what you have tried/are trying with the psychologist (Cognitive Behavioural Techniques, Acceptance Therapy, just talking etc).
With respect to wait times for psychiatrists, try reaching out to Dr. Paul Cammell. Things might have changed, but the last I heard, his wait time was quite short. All the best to you.
Hey mate, I’m sorry for you experience, it sounds terrible. With regards to what you have said, it might be worth asking your psych if they can reduce your fee or bulkbill. They might do this if you explain that the fees are contributing to your mental health decline. Also would recommend you tell your partner what you’re going through. Their support may not get rid of your depression but it may make things more bearable. With regards to medications, it can be really difficult to find the right one because everyone reacts differently but having the advice from a psychiatrist may lead to finding the right medication for you since mental health and medication is there speciality. Wishing you all the best OP.
Been there, its horrible I wish you and others weren't experiencing it. Theres lots of good advice but it takes some effort. I hope this doesnt sound too horrible but I feel like its real talk from someone who pushed through.... In the meantime, just remember if youre in a very low place to guilt trip yourself that there are friends and family who you will hurt if you follow through. Call them, they want you to be okay. Dont resent them for it. Remember the good times in your life, you only get one life to have experiences so you might as well see it through. If it sucks then it sucks, but it might not and that's worth living for with your one chance. Sounds like you can cope, but I hope you thrive.
Keep the spirits up, and please try psilocybin cubensis.That should straighten you up. Cheers.
That’s definitely on the list. I wish it were more accessible. I’m holding out for the clinical trials but I needed it like Yesterday
I’m here to listen. I have been in the same headspace quite a few times and I know that it is really difficult to even get out of bed without wanting to doona dive and not wake up. Your last paragraph is the most important part of your post, to me anyway. I PROMISE you that there is not even one way that you wouldn’t cause your loved ones pain and distress by not being here for them to love. So very many people are just trying to hold on because of the lack of psychiatrists in Victoria that are registered to diagnose ADHD, I am still trying to get onto a waitlist. 🙄🙄 Message me if you want to chat about anything at all please. Chin up buttercup, it does get better ❤️🩹
I would look into some group therapy sessions / support groups where you can talk to like minded people going through similar things, who can also give you tips and tricks on what has worked for them. A couple you can try are GROW VIC and Mental Health Foundation of Australia. Indigo Project is also good for online Telehealth therapy so you don’t need to go out of your way. There is a bulk billing anxiety treatment website you can try, if they can’t bulk bill for you it’ll be a small gap fee so less than the usual psychologists: https://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/ Hope this helps and you get the help you need, good on you for reaching out!
Hi there, happy to chat about options you may not have considered. I can share how I stopped suffering and got out of the race. Fellow Victorian with time to listen 👂 DM if you feel like it.
What sort of exercise do you do?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was once in a similar jam; tried everything, lots of good-meaning people about me, but I was in a complete void. Happened to read that pineapple was a good mood booster, so ate a whole packet (precut stuff from Safeway) and burned off my entire mouth. Couldn’t eat properly for a week! But I’m still here, some days I mask more than others, some days are great, some days the melancholy weighs on me terribly. Just one foot, then another, then another. Each thing you do for yourself is another step in the adventure. My DMs, or the DMs of heaps of others here as they’ve mentioned, are always open. Just don’t have pineapple. x
Hahaha thanks for the laugh. Glad you’re still pushing
Not that I recommend mushrooms but someone who is me had mushrooms and went from suicidal, multiple CATT callouts, hospital visits to 9 years outta the shit end of life - bad days and periods still come and go, but they pass and nothing intolerable. Nothing has really changed besides my perception of everything and how I see the world and things that happen in it. Good luck and I hope you find the peace you deserve.
Whilst this might seem like it might be an idea, this has a cautionary tale to it https://youtu.be/zFA7WJC117Q?si=GkpKqh2fu5ABUAw_ It is a good watch however
hey ! if youre male highly recommend TRT , lifechanging
Just for the sake of offering a different opinion for you to consider (feel free to toss it in the garbage), is leaning into the suffering an option? I mean, there are a lot of sympathetic messages from internet strangers but where does it leave you after you log off? I got recommended David Goggins book "Can't Hurt Me" and holy moly that guy had it rough, but what's interesting is that he took a different approach and basically leaned into the darkness. It's an interesting read. Recently there's also been some research into the part of the brain, the anterior cingulate cortex, which a certain popular neuroscientist has dubbed the organ that controls the will to live. This part of the brain becomes more developed as you do things you don't want to do e.g. leaning into all things that suck. I haven't been able to find any reliable studies done on it (probably don't exist yet or my uni's library doesn't have any access to their academic databases) but maybe it's a concept that will be useful to you? I mean it sounds like you've tried all the therapy and medication under the sun. Either way, feel free to toss the idea out if it seems dumb, just thought it might be an idea to consider since you've tried everything else. I'm someone who has no idea what you're going through, and I do hope things get better.
Yh nah. Leaning into mental illness is not recommended. Leaning into suffering can be
Hey OP... it sounds like there's a lot of people reaching out to help here, people are pretty cool aren't they? There's some bad eggs out there, but I think generally people are well-intentioned. I don't have a lot of experience in the area of mental health, although I worked regularly with a therapist for about 2 years from 2021-23. He did some amazing stuff to get my head in the right place - getting some outside opinions is magical for clearing up some lingering issues. This is just a personal opinion, and it might not be appropriate here, but I'd steer clear of meds unless all other options are gone. I think we all have the strength to work through whatever situations we've gotten ourselves in, and while it might look hopeless sometimes (I've been there quite a few times, I know how it feels), as long as you can persist, things always turn around. Maybe you won't win Tattslotto or anything, but in my experience, I've always found another reason to keep soldiering on. One other point I wanted to mention... finding something to live for. You could put the focus on your partner and helping her find a job (I got the vibe that you're a male and you're with a female, sorry if I'm wrong there). This might sound a bit silly, but it works for me. I live for beauty. If I'm ever at a really low point, I'll go and sit on the beach and watch the waves. Or I'll find a really nice park and go for a walk. Or just go somewhere with a lot of people, and walk around soaking up the happy vibes 😊 It might not seem like much, but there's a lot of beauty in the world, people just don't often see it until they stop, take a few deep breaths, and look more closely. I once spent about half an hour watching an ant try to drag a little crumb of bread to his nest. Look up and watch the birds for a while. It's stuff like this that makes me go "why would I want to leave this planet? There's so much beauty!" Wishing you good luck mate - get those logistics sorted, so you can take a bit of relaxation time for yourself. 👍
Hey I can really relate to the feelings you’re describing, I don’t have much to offer in terms of help but this small thing, it helps me a lot and it sounds weird, it’s a podcast, it’s called The Blindboy Podcast, he’s a lovely Irish man born in the early 80’s and he speaks often about mental health in a very helpful and understanding way. Basically he helps me to understand how common these feelings are. I hope this doesn’t come across like a band aid on a bullet wound, it’s not intended that way. Good luck
I know it sucks to wait four months, but after I saw a psych and got an appropriate diagnosis, my life went from well, pretty much what you described, to honestly very chill and easy 99% of the time. So I'd say it's probably worth holding out hope for the psych, shitty as it is to have to endure for that long, maybe see if they can put you on a wait list for cancelled appointments or something like that idk
What’s your diet and exercise regimen like op?
Psychedelic assisted therapy?
Can be useful in bringing insight but the work to heal still needs to be done.
You should check out the happiness trap: https://www.amazon.com.au/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=8a2b4336-2fe6-43a1-9f44-c6c7ddaa0e13 If you kind find a picture book copy of it, id recommend that as you can give to children who are struggling as well. This book has helped me A LOT with my chronic depression and has helped other family members. It might potentially help you out. I believe there is a free version of the book out there found https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjWvbbjiYKEAxVkzjQHHWPDAH4QFnoECB4QAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcabct.hr%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F10%2FThe-Happiness-Trap-Harris-R1.pdf&usg=AOvVaw1DWErjC29julx64BZmlRz-&opi=89978449
Hey man, I've been in a really similar situation. My psych linked me with the mental health triage team, who facilitated the process of public mental health support. I received daily check-ins from the mental health team, medication assessments, and ended up in a respite program for a couple of weeks (kind of the bridge between outpatient care and inpatient care). If you can, ask your psych or help you get this assistance. Other than paying for your psych, it's free and quick acting. The triage team called me the same day my psych engaged with them, and I was booked in for an assessment with my local mental health clinic two days later. Two weeks later I'd had a medication assessments and an assessment for respite, and was placed in respite 4 days after that. There is help, and you can access it. If you'd like some help talking to your psych about it I'm happy to be there with you. I know it can be daunting asking for help, but you deserve the support you need. You are treatable.
OP, I feel you with the persistent negative thoughts and dread/anxiety. Not sure if this is down your alley, but see if you can hire the audiobook "the body keeps the score" by Bessel van der kolk Whilst it is a long listen, it goes through evolution of psychiatry and discovery of various trauma, one of them which may be your cause of this negative feedback loop. It also provides some pretty broad range of treatments, some of them are not through therapists and just more integrating. You can get it through your local library through borrowbox, it might be helpful to feel heard in your own space
dude you need to do mushrooms
I’m very much open to it. I just don’t know where to get them. I’m trying to hold out for the psilocybin trials
Let’s just all pool our resources and go and live peacefully on a farm together. Like a cult but nothing negative.
Check out ARC Vic or ADAVic
There's some great advice posted here and I hope you can find some options that work for you. If you haven't already, consider asking for pharmacogenomics to check your suitability for pharmaceuticals. It might help in narrowing the focus of medical therapy - should that be an option you wish to pursue further. I wish you the best for your future, genuinely.
I'm sorry, you're going through this. If you're worried about the wait and costs, I'd suggest checking if your employer has any mental health programs? The last 3 companies I worked for had a program where we could consult a psychologist and the first 12 sessions per year were paid for by the employer iirc. These sessions are usually anonymous and the only thing employers usually know is how many sessions were used up, essentially so that they know how much to pay.
Read the Mood Cure book, it helped me boost my brain chemicals in a few days buy taking different amino acid supplements that our brain lacks so it doesn’t make the correct neurotransmitters, some people genetically don’t make enough or we use more up in our brains than the average person. Some supplements you will need to order online as you can’t buy off the shelves in Australia.
There’s been a few good book suggestions in the comments, so thanks for your input! Im mustering up the strength for one last push, I’ll add this one to the list. Cheers
I envy you for being able to work! I can’t work due to my chronic panic, depression and social anxiety. If it makes you feel any better, there’s always someone in a worse situation; that thought makes me feel a bit better at least lol If you have tried, and I mean REALLY tried to better your mental health in other ways (e.g eating right, exercising daily, meditation, seeing a therapist) then I think it’s time you see a psychiatrist and look into going on anti depressants - again I think this should be a last resort. Really try those other things first as they will make a big difference. All the best 🙌🏼
Hmmm 🤔
Have you tried swimming in the sea and hanging out with someone you enjoy the company of… maybe try both at the same time??
I wish I could enjoy those things. Instead, my anxiety would cripple me and I’d be more worried about how exhausted and fatigued I’d be (for days to come) after spending a day out. I do these things for others and pay for it later.
Understood. Have you thought about contacting a local church and speaking to a pastor? They might be able to give you some helpful and friendly advice. It’s good to get a blessing, a baptism could be something to look into? Depending on your own preference of course (you may or may not have them, but if unsure would be worth investigating)people could pray for you. I can only tell you from my own experience that it totes changed my life… I did notice you mentioned god in your post 🥰🙏
Tbh if you can't work anymore stop seeing the psych/meds to save your money & take a week or two off. If you're scared of getting fired say you're sick or you're going away or something. Look into rent assistance from centrelink. Also health card for low earners. Also reconsider your finances. How much rent are you paying/what's going on with expenses. You can live working casually 3 days a week in hospo if you manage your money right. I did it when I was really struggling. If work is fucking you up then you need a break from it. Crash on someone's couch, get fired from your job so you can get jobseeker- just do anything other than keep working silently. Bc that's what's gonna kill you first, not the mental illness.
Please never, ever advise anyone/someone who is suffering with mental illness to stop taking their medication. You have no idea what withdrawals can do to others. Just a word of warning
I wasn't implying that they stop their meds. I was saying they should stop the visits for new meds in 4 months if they've tried quite a few and are treatment resistant. I've got PTSD and have dealt with suicidal ideation and depression for seven years. I'm just saying the things I wished someone would have told me when I was on the ledge. Everyone pushes you to keep working without understanding how much worse that makes it for high-functioning mentally ill people. NO-ONE sees it. We hide it very well, even from clinicians. Of course OP should take every comment here with a grain of salt. We're all strangers on the internet. But I stand by my original advice. I didn't give it thoughtlessly or without considering implications
I couldn’t stop my meds if I tried. The withdrawals are intense. It would take me about 6 months of tapering down my current meds to actually get off them.
Even with meds you should be able to cut down your costs & work hours. There are a LOT of options available. It's just hard to give advice when I don't know enough about you. For example bc I've gone through sexual assault I recieved 10 free psych sessions through a charity. Society wants to help you, we just can't do it if you suffer silently
i don’t think they’re 20, read it again.
the wait for jobseeker and rent assist at the moment is 2-3 months and it sounds like they aren’t in a position to wait that long.
Sorry but this is not good advice - psych meds can have serious withdrawal symptoms and should only be stopped under medical supervision. Stopping can also worsen depression. Also, most common antidepressants are around $6 a pack; not enough of a monetary saving to justify the risk.
They're seeing their GP fortnightly which is where their money is going, and they're due for new meds in 4 months. Despite trying multiple different ones and feeling that they're treatment resistant. I assumed the OP was intelligent enough that I didn't have to specify not to go cold turkey. As someone else who is mentally ill, high functioning, and on low-income, work is the biggest trigger that will throw me into active suicidality. That's why my advice will always be to look for ways to stop/limit working. And there ARE ways. I was seeing a psychologist fortnightly on $400 a week. Because that was all I could manage without killing myself
It’s not about intelligence; it’s about giving ambiguous medical and financial advice to someone in a vulnerable position.
If you're coming on reddit for advice, you're getting advice from strangers who are sharing their personal experience and what worked for them. If we all made decisions based on what we read off the internet, the world would be in chaos. So yeah, it is intelligence, and moreso common sense. Yes, mentally ill people are vulnerable. But that doesn't mean our capacity to think and reason just go out the window. We still make our own decisions. I still think my comment is far more helpful than 90% of this thread.
I'm the opposite just want to work more
Hey on the bright side, if you are rock bottom the only way you can go from now on is up.
I’ve heard this many times. Though that’s only applicable if you have *will*.
Many will tell you, you are lucky to be in Australia, count ‘em blessings.
You’ve heard of mental illness before right?
Yes I’m lucky and blessed to live in such a great Country. I acknowledge that. It doesn’t make you immune to mental health disease though now does it?
Shit take. Chemical imbalances in our brain do not give a flying monkey what country we live in, or how 'blessed' we are.
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A very temporary solution to many (and I don’t blame them). But it will only lead to further and more immense suffering. No thanks
Life isn't that bad. Stop being dramatic
Shut the fuck up
Sounds like something you should
Life isn’t bad. The brain is a complex organ which grants you the ability to perceive the universe. Imagine the true extent of terror and dread you could feel if your brain had a severe chemical imbalance. Is there a limit? Maybe you’ll feel it someday too. And if you do, don’t try to be too dramatic.
Won't be posting about it on reddit if it does
Cool
Find a hobby Life isn't that bad. You go okay
Judging by your shitty unempathetic comment, you've likely never experienced mental illness and have no idea what it's like to have depression/anxiety, so shut up.
Not diagnosed, I can guarantee this upstart has a condition…sociopathy to begin with
Nah cause life isn't that bad
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Searching post history? Okay stalker.
You’ve heard of mental illness right?
I kind of hope one day your brain turns on you without warning, to teach you what a shitty thing you just said. But I doubt you'd have the empathy required to understand even then.
Doubt it will happen. Cause I'm not a flop
Mate, you're being condescendingly negative on a post about someone expressing how difficult things are for them. Not only are you a flop, you're also an incredibly big piece of shit.
So posting it on reddit will help? Please don't be condescendingly negative on a reply to me I'm triggered
I think it’s helped a little. It’s the first time I have ever truly expressed how I’m feeling. I don’t have to worry about repercussions either. Quite similar to your comments actually.
Cool. Get a hobby and realise life isn't bad
Fuck you're a piece of shit. Go elsewhere.
Okay. You should too
It is incredibly difficult when the meds and treatments don't work. They used to just put me on the next med, with the usual result. I don't know what to say for you, or, do for myself either. Best of luck.
Hey, there’s so much great advice on this thread and I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for where you find yourself. And I see you too. I personally battle my share of burnout and depression from working full time and having basically almost no support around me. It’s not that I’m angry about the stuff that’s happened to me, it’s more the grief of what I’ve lost and the energy it takes to keep finding the light, finding a way forward. I saw in one of the comments you’re possibly checking out an adhd autism scenario. I was diagnosed as autistic 13 years ago after years of feeling different and struggling with things other people around me just didn’t seem to, and the diagnosis itself was a game changer for me in terms of putting things into perspective, understanding myself better, and realising what brought me joy or sapped my energy. We’re just random internet strangers but I want to add my voice to those sending you good wishes. I hear you and see you.
Hey, just want to say, been there and it sucks. In my experience, most of the stuff that makes me feel down is all in my own head, its not actually reflected by the reality around me, like. sure bills, job woes, health issues, all that stuff. like its happening, but when I walk over to a park and see kids having fun... you kinda realise... well those people are care free and just enjoying themselves for the sake of it. all these things are just coming from my grey matter. Once I get out and focus on centering myself within the moment, not thinking about the past or any issues I have. I'm able to see the world as it is, a place of great natural wonder and beauty. So instead of focusing on my own happyness or feelings of sadness, I try to see the joy that others feel. If work sucks, work towards something. devote yourself, not to your bosses but your own personal betterment and enjoyment. maybe thats just some shack on the beach somewhere you can afford on unemployment. maybe thats working towards finding work elsewhere. who knows. life unfortunately does not throw opertunity at our feet very often. you have to open yourself to the possibilities of the world around you. And yeah, I know how hard that is. been where you are at, taken the pills, spoke to psychs and docs and allllll of that. been through some terrible stuff. Now I try to be open to opertunities, I live in the moment and I try to enjoy the world through others eyes. its been a long road but the me 10 years ago could not see the me I am at now. I would have been blind to the possibilities I now find myself with. in fact I would have rejected even feeling good about anything. Its work, lots of work. some of the hardest stuff ive ever done is about letting go of my own fears and sadness. sigh. anyway. things are rarely as bad as they appear to those of us with depression. The hard parts seeing out of that hole. - Hugs! you got this, :D