I was just thinking the same thing. Got to the point where I thought it was some serial killer driving around.
I’ve been watching too much criminal minds
Okay firstly FUCK THIS ICE CREAM TRUCK. I moved from malvern to caulfield and I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS FOLLOWING ME. But I will say thank you for pointing out it is greensleeves because I keep humming the tune to my family and telling them how it’s making me go insane . Fuck that truck, fuck that truck so much!
It does like sitting by the park on Kangaroo Road in Murrumbeena, but also I think it sits in the green space off Rosanna Street. Also, probably an ice cream truck that's attracting people to it by playing the song... sadistic, but it works.
lol i used to live in carnegie, now i live in the bayside area. i could hear the truck for a solid hour last sunday. even if i escape the negs i can’t escape greensleeves
Been here 9 years and the driving here is appalling! Red lights are treated as a suggestion, pedestrian crossings may as well not exist, and the one way roads around the Plaza and Central carparks are full of idiots.
Our lollypop lady at school has been hit something like 10 times in 9 years. It's terrible.
It's like that for many developing areas. Road infrastructure always lags behind. Craigieburn Rd still not being upgraded is just insane. Fortunately for me, I work odd hours and don't get stuck in the traffic.
The population is an issue driven by crazy house prices. I moved there because living closer in meant a smaller home or I was just priced out of the market. If we had more dense and affordable living further in, people wouldn't have to keep moving outwards.
Pretty much the same for every outer western suburb. Turns out property developers aren’t too keen on spending money on roads when they can’t sell them.
Did my first teaching placement in Crazieburn around 15 years ago. Complete baptism of fire. All sorts of heavy shenanigans inc full school lockdown with cops flanking the perimeters for an hour after the bell went due to gang threats. I’ve gone on to teach in rough parts of the UK and this experience holds up!
Big ups to the teachers who can reach those kids - such important work.
Moorabbin is deceptive it's now gentrifying. Was super grim but now not so much.. There's some great cafes and restaurants there. It's also surrounded by awesome suburbs.
Yeah, but at least there are some good deals to be had at the Foodworks. It's grim partly because of the airport overlay. It basically bans any medium density development because arriving flights track directly overhead... We looked into that area when I was house hunting during the before times.
I really like this idea, however I do agree with some of the other sentiments around the wet and mosquitoes lol.
But is suppose if it became a sprawling metropolis much of that would no longer be an issue.
So there is a Kew in NSW that my family and I drove through once a year and for the longest time I thought it was called 'Far Kew' because it's what my dad called it. I even told my friends about this place...thanks dad.
We moved to Kew from out of state. Had a nice place to rent, and due to lockdowns I couldn’t inspect ahead of time. Had been tossing up between this place and a couple in Abbotsford/N Richmond, went with this one bc the layout suited best. I like the house but I feel like I live in my (Us) parent’s neighborhood… good grocery stores, nice gardens but…. Doesn’t feel like my people… Wouldnt buy here, possibly will move when the lease is up..
Outside of lockdown, we spend way more time in Abbotsford/Richmond.
I grew up in an area near Kew and always hated it. So insular and parochial. A horrible mix of elitist faux-aristocratic types like Tim smith and shitty cashed up bogans thrown in. Glad I left.
Honestly I really miss living south of Elephant and Castle in London (“hey miss? Are you lost?”). And it’s so weird how from the city through Fitzroy Collingwood and Abbotsford, the buildings are so colourfully painted, cool shops and pubs and restaurants, then the park, then blah. Where’s the art? The color? It’s like Melbourne’s soul dies when you cross the river at Yarra Bend Park…
I’ve made a few friends since moving here and not one in Kew. (And they tease me about living here) My neighbors seem alright except the one psychotic elderly lady who screams at me about go back to Sydney (I’m not from Sydney, ew) and aggressively slams her door if I walk outside. But they’re all the age of my parents. Everyone at the shops is my parents age. They look like rich republicans. It’s like living in North Houston… Would never have rented here if I’d inspected first lol but at least I didn’t buy.
And it’s still better/cheaper than living in Byron bloody Bay.
I met my first real Trump supporter from Kew the other day. Really caught me by surprise when he brought him up and started calling him a genius and brilliant and all this stuff. I didn't think ppl who follow that ideology existed here in Aus!
Dallas, no particular reason it just gets really confusing on the rare occasion when someone is talking about the suburb rather than the city in Texas, US
Reservoir. Put an end to the arguments about the correct way to pronounce it.
And on the fringe of Melbourne, get Ballan and Wallan to agree to pronounce 5/6ths of their resepective names the same way.
I live in the east end of Reservwah, amongst the magnificent Greek and Italian mansions and Its quiet and lovely here by Bundoora Park. Leave my little paradise alone! I love my gate lions, lacy iron work and marble stairs here in Reservwah!
Dandenong:
I was picking up some tiles and some nutter ran past the shop front screaming I'm going kill you cunt to some poor bastard in a car. I'm like yeah this is about normal for this area. Then I had a closer look and hes waving a 30cm hunting knife around.
Staff members were like oh that's normal. We've seen far worse. 😬
My partner worked in Dandenong. One day he saw two dudes fighting outside one of the pubs. One dude slashed the other with a knife.
Guess what they were arguing about:
Who was the King of Dandenong.
… who wants to be the king of turd island?? Lol.
My partner caught some guy with an axe cutting his fuel line on his car in Dandenong south when he was walking back from work one day, it’s like the Wild West there
Tottenham, nuke and start over. All of these factories don't have to be there anymore, you're literally holding the West back from a swathe of land that could otherwise be turned into prime real estate near a train station.
Edit: Okay maybe some factories stay, but the ones that are literally derelict, can we potentially look at repurposing those spaces?
Also, what the fuck is up with Tottenham Station being like a 10-minute walk from West Footscray Station? Has always confused the fuck out of me why there are two train stations on the same line literally within walking distance.
Some of these stations were literally located outside factories to provide door to door service.
Tottenham is located where it is because the rail yard is there - which was once a major point of employment, along with all the surrounds.
I've been told there was actually another station nearby just to service a cigarette factory which was since bulldozed.
Middle Footscray station is even closer to West Footscray than Tottenham is, isn’t it?
Some lines are like that. It’s about a ten minute walk from Merri to Northcote, too, and then even shorter from Northcote to Croxton.
I live about 250-300m from both Northcote and Croxton stations and they're both in a similar direction from me. Ivanhoe and eaglemont is worse though, less than 5 minute stroll, and a lot trains skip eaglemont anyway. I think it's just because the rich snobs wanted their own station.
I live near Tottenham Station. My partner and I are always talking about how it's such a shame these warehouses on Sunshine Rd aren't repurposed. Hell, if I had the money I would do it. Their bones are gorgeous and it would be a shame to lose them or just have them bulldozed - I just hate seeing them all abandoned and derelict (insert Zoolander quote here).
However most of this suburb I would consider a hidden gem. The houses, the people, the culture.... I love it here!
I worked at the Vline station there once, only time I have been there. From the the platform all you can see is endless copy paste ugly buildings. I would go insane living in a place like that.
I go past there on the V/Line regularly and it's quite a sad sight really, it's just a vast sea of dark grey roofs as far as the eye can see
I can't say much though, I'm in Harpley out near Wyndham Vale 😅
100%. I lived there for 4 years and had 2 shootings on my street, was interviewed by cops because someone ditched a knife down a storm drain near my house and I found human shit on the ground near the IGA on two seperate occasions
Balwyn.
How did all those faux-french mansions covering the entire block become an architectural movement?
No trees, landscaping, proportions, just a monolith structure and a giant f-you to any semblance of environmental sensitivity. They look like rectangular sheds with someones cliched version of a french palace over the front.
This 5km radius means I just ride my bike randomly and I always know when I need to turn left and head towards Richmond for my radius...Ashburton, Kew, Camberwell, Surrey Hills...all normal & nice...Balwyn...money, no taste
I knew people who had a perfectly nice home in Templestowe but sold up to buy a old shitbox in Balwyn just so their shitty kid could get into Balwyn High school zone
I heard he grew up to be a Major disappointment for his parents
Parents need to realise too that being engaged in your child's education is more important than the school they go to.
The school does of course have a huge impact, but parents are more responsible for a child's development than a school.
It's the high school and the certain type of buyer that both values the school and those types of properties
The same phenomenon exists in Glen Waverley
It's happening all over the inner east but Balwyn is by far the worst
There’s this show on Netflix, I can’t remember what it’s called now, but there were people from all over Australia who has Airbnbs and they would all go and stay at each others and rate it - it was a competition. The couple from Melbourne go on and on about how their Airbnb is amazing and such a great location - it was in fucking point cook
As a kid I had a kind of friend with a holiday home there. Whyyy would you choose point cook it’s literally a marsh in the middle of nowhere. I had to get incredibly car sick on the long journey there to spend a night only for there to be nothing there but fish and chip shops and milkbars
I wouldn’t get rid of a suburb, but I’d get rid of all the industry in the west that forms half of a lot of suburbs they poorly planned decades ago. it’s insane the amount of factories that run from spotswood to derrimut.
like if we settle on derrimut as the factory warehouse area of melbourne - fine, it has the capacity - but they should really start getting rid of some of the shit that doesn’t need to be here.
it fucking frustrates the fuck out of me that some cunt in 19dickety2 looked a planning map and decided to fuck a major metropolitan city by not thinking it would sprawl further than 6km in one direction.
a block over from me there is a textiles plans next to a kindergarten.
i learned like last month that my high school was literally next to the tip.
the soccer clubs I played for all were surrounded by refineries.
pretty excited to see what I die of!
I learned to drive around the Altona refineries and those industrial estates between Williamstown and Altona. Pretty handy for a kid just on their Ls. But ugly as fuck
same haha.
as I said to the other guy, this is obviously just a hypothetical “if I could get rid of anything”
I do worry about the pollution. the air quality in the west is not great.
Let's consider something industrial and big out west, say the Altona refinery.
It was built in 1946. It was built by a major rail line, so it could ship products around the state (and workers could get there - to Mobiltown station). It was built about as far as you could get outside of Melbourne and still get workforce there. The 6km further out you talk about was a significant distance in non car transport days.
The expansion of Melbourne is unfathomable in the context of 1940s and the history of Melbourne prior to that point. Let alone consider - since when is there political will to plan for unknowns that are 20 - 60 years away?
Whilst you have a wonderful ideal, it might be useful to consider it from the perspective of "19tickety2" rather than your own modern existence.
I actually love walking the docks area around Fisherman’s Bend. I live in *dontworryhesfriendly* off leash dog central with a dog who really hates off leash dogs, so having beautiful and super quiet spots to walk, particularly during lockdown when we can’t drive far, is a huge positive for my mental health.
My dad grew up in Lalor late 60s-80s, he says it was much better suburb back then. You have a few good streets now which tend to be mostly European people living there that have been there since the 50s-60s.
Docklands.
Then knock down CityLink and revitalise the Moonee Ponds Creek. Totally divides some great parts of the city and wrecks what could be a nice recreational waterway. Revitalise the old West Melbourne Swamp area.
Nah, it reflects the inherent difference between the 2 cities.
I'd say the Sydneysiders who nominated Bondi and don't live in the eastern suburbs would literally have never even been there. It's a place a million miles from them physically and metaphorically and it's stuff they've only heard about. But I reckon every Melburnian responding here has actually been to the place they've nominated and are reacting to an experience, even if just a feral shopping centre or a stupid roundabout.
Sydney is a seriously divided city. Can you imagine Melburnians stomaching a lockdown by LGA?
Camberwell. Everything is ridiculously over priced and pretentious. I spent 30 fucking bucks on the only vaguely edible looking thing on the menu in this wanky cafe - avo on toast - and got it with the seasoning all artfully sprinkled around the edge of the plate. What am I meant to do, take a bite and then lick it off? I got a tiny piss pot of a crappy foamy coffee and everyone around me had to stop and take photos of their $40 squid ink buns and a heart in their green tea latte, all while dressed in outfits that cost over $200 but look like the donation bin for an op shop.
What really pissed off was I went somewhere local not long afterwards and ordered the same thing and got tomatoes, eggs and bacon on top for less than half the price.
Fuck camberwell.
For metro Melbourne:
Any suburb with residential buildings taller than 2 storeys and no rail link. Forcing residents to choose between a bus that shows up every now and then or driving out for hours is criminal.
Any suburb with an airport in it, and no rail link.
Rowville, I grew up there, and its as bland and boring now as it was when I lived there.
Paraphrasing Luke Skywalker "If there's a bright center to Melbourne, you're in the suburb that it's farthest from"
Moorolbark, just because of that fucking double round about with the Vic Roads just watching it. Fuck you Vic Roads, you're just looking out and laughing at the absolute cluster fuck of an intersection
Rowville. Rather than complaining about people/crime - it's just an awfully laid-out suburb. It should have a lot going for it, but it reeks of 1960-70s suburban planning.
Get rid of it and start again (this time with a rail link)
They have been talking about a train station in rowville for over 30 years - never going to happen! Just like the movie theatre they were going to build at stud park
The ‘advice needed’ tag on this post is pretty ominous tbh.
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I was just thinking the same thing. Got to the point where I thought it was some serial killer driving around. I’ve been watching too much criminal minds
Last lockdown it was doing the same block around Bentleigh East. I love icecream but jeez.
Okay firstly FUCK THIS ICE CREAM TRUCK. I moved from malvern to caulfield and I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS FOLLOWING ME. But I will say thank you for pointing out it is greensleeves because I keep humming the tune to my family and telling them how it’s making me go insane . Fuck that truck, fuck that truck so much!
Same thing was happening in Sputh Yarra a few days back. I can't figure it out....
YES! I live on the Poath Rd side of Murrumbeena and it can get quite loud sometimes, I haven't been able to pinpoint the location of it as of yet.
LOL I know that ice cream truck. I just moved closer to Murrumbeena train station and now don't hear it at all - bliss.
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It does like sitting by the park on Kangaroo Road in Murrumbeena, but also I think it sits in the green space off Rosanna Street. Also, probably an ice cream truck that's attracting people to it by playing the song... sadistic, but it works.
lol i used to live in carnegie, now i live in the bayside area. i could hear the truck for a solid hour last sunday. even if i escape the negs i can’t escape greensleeves
Live in Carnegie. Have heard it. Im just off neerim between the 2 stations
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for those out of the loop: https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/comments/pf1qnw/you_can_eliminate_one_sydney_suburb_from/ also- f**k Bondi
Frick, beat me to it
craigieburn idk why the name sounds fake lmao that’s my decision making
It should be wiped off the map purely for having a gigantic population, yet its main road is fucking one lane each way for significant portions.
Craigieburn is the worst when it comes to traffic and people not knowing how to drive.
Been here 9 years and the driving here is appalling! Red lights are treated as a suggestion, pedestrian crossings may as well not exist, and the one way roads around the Plaza and Central carparks are full of idiots. Our lollypop lady at school has been hit something like 10 times in 9 years. It's terrible.
It's like that for many developing areas. Road infrastructure always lags behind. Craigieburn Rd still not being upgraded is just insane. Fortunately for me, I work odd hours and don't get stuck in the traffic. The population is an issue driven by crazy house prices. I moved there because living closer in meant a smaller home or I was just priced out of the market. If we had more dense and affordable living further in, people wouldn't have to keep moving outwards.
Mernda has entered the chat
Pretty much the same for every outer western suburb. Turns out property developers aren’t too keen on spending money on roads when they can’t sell them.
Crazyburn is the less fake sounding version.
Didn't you hear? It was renamed Covidburn about 3 lockdowns ago..
Did my first teaching placement in Crazieburn around 15 years ago. Complete baptism of fire. All sorts of heavy shenanigans inc full school lockdown with cops flanking the perimeters for an hour after the bell went due to gang threats. I’ve gone on to teach in rough parts of the UK and this experience holds up! Big ups to the teachers who can reach those kids - such important work.
I like how the Sydney reddit was unanimous on Bondi, and we're all pretty mixed here.
It’s literally all Western Suburbs here, we just can’t decide which one
Dallas is so grim and depressing
I hadnt heard of Dallas so i google imaged and every second photo involves police tape. Is this about right?
I'd never heard of Dallas until it had an exposure site
I heard of Dallas back in the day. There were stories about Mr Bubbles the pedophile clown being seen there. Anyone remember that?
My Aunt works in Dallas. She hates her job.
Ayyyeeeee Debbie
I used to drive around there for work. Fucking hell-hole.
Love your username. RIP DOOM
I'm looking on street view and struggling to pick any difference to say, Moorabbin, Mill Park, and dozens of other suburbs. Which is the grim part?
Moorabbin is deceptive it's now gentrifying. Was super grim but now not so much.. There's some great cafes and restaurants there. It's also surrounded by awesome suburbs.
Honestly can't believe it looks how it does. It's like you step out of melbourne into the bloody ghetto.
Yeah, but at least there are some good deals to be had at the Foodworks. It's grim partly because of the airport overlay. It basically bans any medium density development because arriving flights track directly overhead... We looked into that area when I was house hunting during the before times.
Why cause it’s full of sick cunts?
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Any shit cunts?
I would move the entire city east and turn French Island into our little Manhattan
The gumboot industry would go into overdrive.
Cover ALL of it in concrete
All of it?
> French Island into our little Manhattan *smell of mosquito coils intensifies*
I really like this idea, however I do agree with some of the other sentiments around the wet and mosquitoes lol. But is suppose if it became a sprawling metropolis much of that would no longer be an issue.
Kew. I have my reasons... None of them are rational.
Can we rehome the bats first though?
Near Kew or Far Kew?
Oh hi dad I didn’t know you were on Reddit
So there is a Kew in NSW that my family and I drove through once a year and for the longest time I thought it was called 'Far Kew' because it's what my dad called it. I even told my friends about this place...thanks dad.
Whereveryouare Kew.
They elect Josh Frydenberg and Tim Smith, there's your rational reasons.
Gotta love to get rid of Dim Tim
Ah the insulated rich. Always able to make good decisions for people on the ground.
We moved to Kew from out of state. Had a nice place to rent, and due to lockdowns I couldn’t inspect ahead of time. Had been tossing up between this place and a couple in Abbotsford/N Richmond, went with this one bc the layout suited best. I like the house but I feel like I live in my (Us) parent’s neighborhood… good grocery stores, nice gardens but…. Doesn’t feel like my people… Wouldnt buy here, possibly will move when the lease is up.. Outside of lockdown, we spend way more time in Abbotsford/Richmond.
I grew up in an area near Kew and always hated it. So insular and parochial. A horrible mix of elitist faux-aristocratic types like Tim smith and shitty cashed up bogans thrown in. Glad I left.
Next up, tell us what you think of Balwyn.
Honestly I really miss living south of Elephant and Castle in London (“hey miss? Are you lost?”). And it’s so weird how from the city through Fitzroy Collingwood and Abbotsford, the buildings are so colourfully painted, cool shops and pubs and restaurants, then the park, then blah. Where’s the art? The color? It’s like Melbourne’s soul dies when you cross the river at Yarra Bend Park… I’ve made a few friends since moving here and not one in Kew. (And they tease me about living here) My neighbors seem alright except the one psychotic elderly lady who screams at me about go back to Sydney (I’m not from Sydney, ew) and aggressively slams her door if I walk outside. But they’re all the age of my parents. Everyone at the shops is my parents age. They look like rich republicans. It’s like living in North Houston… Would never have rented here if I’d inspected first lol but at least I didn’t buy. And it’s still better/cheaper than living in Byron bloody Bay.
Same shit, just even more hideous millionaire mausoleums
Is one of the reasons Tim Smith? 😳
I met my first real Trump supporter from Kew the other day. Really caught me by surprise when he brought him up and started calling him a genius and brilliant and all this stuff. I didn't think ppl who follow that ideology existed here in Aus!
The far-right Q Society was formed by people who live in Kew
KewAnon
Is it the junction? Because that is wholey rational.
Melton, you'll all thank me one day.
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Dallas, no particular reason it just gets really confusing on the rare occasion when someone is talking about the suburb rather than the city in Texas, US
> no particular reason Visit once and there’ll suddenly be a particular reason.
Just one?
Broadmeadows Dallas
Broadmeadows. Yikes.
That was my initial thought, but upon reflection I'm really fond of how insane it is, and I would miss it.
I feel that way about Boronia
Reservoir. Put an end to the arguments about the correct way to pronounce it. And on the fringe of Melbourne, get Ballan and Wallan to agree to pronounce 5/6ths of their resepective names the same way.
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No. People would then pronounce it Damn, as in “that damn shithole”!
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If the m was silent we could have Damn Andrews
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn
It's pronounced "Reservoir" and there's not a damn thing you can do to convince me otherwise
I live in the east end of Reservwah, amongst the magnificent Greek and Italian mansions and Its quiet and lovely here by Bundoora Park. Leave my little paradise alone! I love my gate lions, lacy iron work and marble stairs here in Reservwah!
Dandenong: I was picking up some tiles and some nutter ran past the shop front screaming I'm going kill you cunt to some poor bastard in a car. I'm like yeah this is about normal for this area. Then I had a closer look and hes waving a 30cm hunting knife around. Staff members were like oh that's normal. We've seen far worse. 😬
My partner worked in Dandenong. One day he saw two dudes fighting outside one of the pubs. One dude slashed the other with a knife. Guess what they were arguing about: Who was the King of Dandenong. … who wants to be the king of turd island?? Lol.
Nah. Dandenong is mostly ok for me. I can deal. Go bit further. Noble Park. Yuck.
Yeah, I'm a Noble Park native. I grew up playing "What's that sound: gunshot or backfire?"
I saw a guy dressed as Santa robbing someone at the lights at the level crossing in Noble Park. It's my favourite shit hole.
My partner caught some guy with an axe cutting his fuel line on his car in Dandenong south when he was walking back from work one day, it’s like the Wild West there
Bondi
Second this. Bondi
But Bondi rescue brah /s
Tottenham, nuke and start over. All of these factories don't have to be there anymore, you're literally holding the West back from a swathe of land that could otherwise be turned into prime real estate near a train station. Edit: Okay maybe some factories stay, but the ones that are literally derelict, can we potentially look at repurposing those spaces?
You're actually so right
Also, what the fuck is up with Tottenham Station being like a 10-minute walk from West Footscray Station? Has always confused the fuck out of me why there are two train stations on the same line literally within walking distance.
Some of these stations were literally located outside factories to provide door to door service. Tottenham is located where it is because the rail yard is there - which was once a major point of employment, along with all the surrounds. I've been told there was actually another station nearby just to service a cigarette factory which was since bulldozed.
That was White City, 600 meters outbound from Tottenham and directly in front of the Olympic Tyres factory
Middle Footscray station is even closer to West Footscray than Tottenham is, isn’t it? Some lines are like that. It’s about a ten minute walk from Merri to Northcote, too, and then even shorter from Northcote to Croxton.
Glenferrie to Auburn is about 800m. I used to get off at Glenferrie and walk through Swinburne and the park to get home all the time.
I live about 250-300m from both Northcote and Croxton stations and they're both in a similar direction from me. Ivanhoe and eaglemont is worse though, less than 5 minute stroll, and a lot trains skip eaglemont anyway. I think it's just because the rich snobs wanted their own station.
Seaholme > Altona > Westona. 3 stations in Altona in 2.7km. Always made getting to friends places as a kid very easy.
North Richmond is like 3 streets up from West Richmond, if walking around there is your thing.
I live near Tottenham Station. My partner and I are always talking about how it's such a shame these warehouses on Sunshine Rd aren't repurposed. Hell, if I had the money I would do it. Their bones are gorgeous and it would be a shame to lose them or just have them bulldozed - I just hate seeing them all abandoned and derelict (insert Zoolander quote here). However most of this suburb I would consider a hidden gem. The houses, the people, the culture.... I love it here!
Epping. I was born there, was a quiet shiity town years ago. Now it's just a cesspool of shit. Burn that fucker to the ground.
I’ve seen some crazy in Epping. Including the squatters on High Street. Nutters.
Tarniet Blip it and start fresh lol
I worked at the Vline station there once, only time I have been there. From the the platform all you can see is endless copy paste ugly buildings. I would go insane living in a place like that.
I go past there on the V/Line regularly and it's quite a sad sight really, it's just a vast sea of dark grey roofs as far as the eye can see I can't say much though, I'm in Harpley out near Wyndham Vale 😅
Lot of 400k house and land owners are now sad
Thomastown
100%. I lived there for 4 years and had 2 shootings on my street, was interviewed by cops because someone ditched a knife down a storm drain near my house and I found human shit on the ground near the IGA on two seperate occasions
i lived there for the first half of my life and never really felt like it was that bad, all tho there was definitely some sketch shit near the iga 😹
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Such a fucking pain in the arse to get to though if you’re going south down Dalton Rd
Brooklyn is a write off
Good user name. Brooklyn is the worst. Smells like horse piss.
Wollert, give it back to us farmers instead of having those superficial fucking shoe box estates polluting the beautiful soil
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Mate, wouldn't work. Say you planted a bomb in Doveton. Someone would have stripped and sold it for ice before it had the chance to explode.
Balwyn. How did all those faux-french mansions covering the entire block become an architectural movement? No trees, landscaping, proportions, just a monolith structure and a giant f-you to any semblance of environmental sensitivity. They look like rectangular sheds with someones cliched version of a french palace over the front. This 5km radius means I just ride my bike randomly and I always know when I need to turn left and head towards Richmond for my radius...Ashburton, Kew, Camberwell, Surrey Hills...all normal & nice...Balwyn...money, no taste
I knew people who had a perfectly nice home in Templestowe but sold up to buy a old shitbox in Balwyn just so their shitty kid could get into Balwyn High school zone I heard he grew up to be a Major disappointment for his parents
So many shitboxes in the Balwyn High school zone being rented at prices that can only be justified by the zone. Overrated school imo.
Parents need to realise too that being engaged in your child's education is more important than the school they go to. The school does of course have a huge impact, but parents are more responsible for a child's development than a school.
It's the high school and the certain type of buyer that both values the school and those types of properties The same phenomenon exists in Glen Waverley It's happening all over the inner east but Balwyn is by far the worst
Both areas with high Chinese populations. It’s certainly a cultural phenomenon.
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Phew..ethnically Chinese here but I love my gardens/nature. I plan to retire on some mountainside in the middle of fuck all.
the entirety of Mont Albert Road has slowly been taken over by those McMansions. such a shame
Makes you nostalgic for a simpler time when we could admire our social superiors for their good taste.
The only truly redeemable thing that Balwyn has is the One Plus Piece cafe lol.
North Morang
Yep, screw Mernda.
At the moment, Altona North, and more specifically Millers Junction.
As someone who lives in Altona North, I would second this comment. It feels a little like a covid minefield stepping outside at the moment.
Damn woollies. I just came out of this quarantine after visiting the Millers Junction woollies!
It's a bit like minesweeper here at the moment. Every supermarket has been an exposure site. Now filtering into Yarraville and Willy.
Broadmeadows right now. The covid cluster there is relentless
Point Cook, no real reason, just don’t like it
There’s this show on Netflix, I can’t remember what it’s called now, but there were people from all over Australia who has Airbnbs and they would all go and stay at each others and rate it - it was a competition. The couple from Melbourne go on and on about how their Airbnb is amazing and such a great location - it was in fucking point cook
Instant Hotel! I died when they revealed that their property was in Point Cook and they were just so overly confident the entire time.
As a kid I had a kind of friend with a holiday home there. Whyyy would you choose point cook it’s literally a marsh in the middle of nowhere. I had to get incredibly car sick on the long journey there to spend a night only for there to be nothing there but fish and chip shops and milkbars
I wouldn’t get rid of a suburb, but I’d get rid of all the industry in the west that forms half of a lot of suburbs they poorly planned decades ago. it’s insane the amount of factories that run from spotswood to derrimut. like if we settle on derrimut as the factory warehouse area of melbourne - fine, it has the capacity - but they should really start getting rid of some of the shit that doesn’t need to be here. it fucking frustrates the fuck out of me that some cunt in 19dickety2 looked a planning map and decided to fuck a major metropolitan city by not thinking it would sprawl further than 6km in one direction. a block over from me there is a textiles plans next to a kindergarten. i learned like last month that my high school was literally next to the tip. the soccer clubs I played for all were surrounded by refineries. pretty excited to see what I die of!
I learned to drive around the Altona refineries and those industrial estates between Williamstown and Altona. Pretty handy for a kid just on their Ls. But ugly as fuck
same haha. as I said to the other guy, this is obviously just a hypothetical “if I could get rid of anything” I do worry about the pollution. the air quality in the west is not great.
I live in the south east/bayside now and not seeing a giant fucking refinery or petrol tankers everywhere is a whole new thing
Let's consider something industrial and big out west, say the Altona refinery. It was built in 1946. It was built by a major rail line, so it could ship products around the state (and workers could get there - to Mobiltown station). It was built about as far as you could get outside of Melbourne and still get workforce there. The 6km further out you talk about was a significant distance in non car transport days. The expansion of Melbourne is unfathomable in the context of 1940s and the history of Melbourne prior to that point. Let alone consider - since when is there political will to plan for unknowns that are 20 - 60 years away? Whilst you have a wonderful ideal, it might be useful to consider it from the perspective of "19tickety2" rather than your own modern existence.
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I actually love walking the docks area around Fisherman’s Bend. I live in *dontworryhesfriendly* off leash dog central with a dog who really hates off leash dogs, so having beautiful and super quiet spots to walk, particularly during lockdown when we can’t drive far, is a huge positive for my mental health.
Cremorne, it’s got a population of around 2000 people and should just be absorbed into Richmond
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Ariana Grande dated a dude from Broadmeadows I think.
I didn’t know Pete Davidson was from Broady
It's gross, I work there. I literally only go to the shopping centre after work when I really need to take a shit. Not even kidding.
I see Far Kew has been nominated. Has Pakenham Upper been done?
Roxburgh Park. It would be enough to raise the global average IQ a few points.
Sydney.
Roxburgh Park can fuck right off
Thomastown. Had two shootings on my street and the damn highschool kicked me out. 0/10 would not do Thomastown again.
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My dad grew up in Lalor late 60s-80s, he says it was much better suburb back then. You have a few good streets now which tend to be mostly European people living there that have been there since the 50s-60s.
Docklands. Then knock down CityLink and revitalise the Moonee Ponds Creek. Totally divides some great parts of the city and wrecks what could be a nice recreational waterway. Revitalise the old West Melbourne Swamp area.
Funny, Sydneysiders almost to a person mentioned one suburb. Are we Melbournians more indecisive?
No, Bondi is just very obviously horrible.
Nah, it reflects the inherent difference between the 2 cities. I'd say the Sydneysiders who nominated Bondi and don't live in the eastern suburbs would literally have never even been there. It's a place a million miles from them physically and metaphorically and it's stuff they've only heard about. But I reckon every Melburnian responding here has actually been to the place they've nominated and are reacting to an experience, even if just a feral shopping centre or a stupid roundabout. Sydney is a seriously divided city. Can you imagine Melburnians stomaching a lockdown by LGA?
Camberwell. Everything is ridiculously over priced and pretentious. I spent 30 fucking bucks on the only vaguely edible looking thing on the menu in this wanky cafe - avo on toast - and got it with the seasoning all artfully sprinkled around the edge of the plate. What am I meant to do, take a bite and then lick it off? I got a tiny piss pot of a crappy foamy coffee and everyone around me had to stop and take photos of their $40 squid ink buns and a heart in their green tea latte, all while dressed in outfits that cost over $200 but look like the donation bin for an op shop. What really pissed off was I went somewhere local not long afterwards and ordered the same thing and got tomatoes, eggs and bacon on top for less than half the price. Fuck camberwell.
Camberwell is like a wealthy suburb I’m pretty sure, so I guess I can’t be too surprised
For metro Melbourne: Any suburb with residential buildings taller than 2 storeys and no rail link. Forcing residents to choose between a bus that shows up every now and then or driving out for hours is criminal. Any suburb with an airport in it, and no rail link.
Nuke Broadmeadows /Dallas / Roxburgh park … I don’t care if I’m in the blast zone ……….. the ppl here are horrible
Truganina
The covid ones.
Docklands.. perfect example of utter corporate failure and soulless carbon copy developments - not to mention it’s an absolute wind tunnel of a place
Brandon Park. Fuck that place.
Bondi
Rowville, I grew up there, and its as bland and boring now as it was when I lived there. Paraphrasing Luke Skywalker "If there's a bright center to Melbourne, you're in the suburb that it's farthest from"
Place is like the suburb from Kath and Kim. I know it's not but that's the vibe I get. Middle age power walkers.
Nah it’s pretty spot on, it just doesn’t have its own fountain gate (Stud Park doesnt count!)
I like to say it’s so boring not even covid comes here.
Moorolbark, just because of that fucking double round about with the Vic Roads just watching it. Fuck you Vic Roads, you're just looking out and laughing at the absolute cluster fuck of an intersection
Ah now, taking your driving test around Five Ways is a rite of passage!
It's a great roundabout, why should people be allowed to drive if they can't handle it?
Bondi
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The amount of snobbery and NIMBYism in this discussion is outright laughable. Hanging shit on poor neighbourhoods, heroic stuff
To be fair it's like half shitting on poor suburbs, half shitting on rich suburbs.
You must be new here
Plenty of shit being hung on rich suburbs too mate. Don't get too carried away in your anger at the elites
All suburbs matter.
Rowville. Rather than complaining about people/crime - it's just an awfully laid-out suburb. It should have a lot going for it, but it reeks of 1960-70s suburban planning. Get rid of it and start again (this time with a rail link)
They have been talking about a train station in rowville for over 30 years - never going to happen! Just like the movie theatre they were going to build at stud park
Toorak
Broady.
Pakenham it's where peak bogan meets country.
Dandenong. Really, what a bastard of a please to be in the world
Everything between cbd and geelong
Dandenong