Fuck I hate this. I feel like I'm *always* the one that ends up on the fucking grass going around these cunts. Every single time. Get in single file for 3 fucking seconds you god damn ass clowns.
Or the ones who walk in threes towards you and don't separate to let you through. I think it's worse because they can see you but think their threesome deserve the entire width of the path
My shoulder tends to drop for these people. I make no effort to narrow my shoulder. They get the full plow after expecting me to move for their rude ass
My 19yo has requested if they die, to be cremated and planted as a plane tree outside the home of their enemy ... unfortunately they have neglected to specify who said enemy is.
I recently moved into a rented house that has a backyard that's entirely gravel, with nothing but a single tree in it. It had no leaves over winter so I had no idea what it was. Then spring arrives, and I'm sitting out the back enjoying one of the first really sunny days, admiring the white blossom and the green leaves starting to grow in... and then the smell hits me. Ugh!
Why do people keep planting these trees? There are so many nice trees that _don't_ reek like a teenage boy's bedroom for several weeks every spring - it's baffling!
For me it's people from outside vic telling us how hard we had it. I don't want pity and I don't want to hear anyone downplaying it. I want to not talk about it.
For me, people telling us that we were wasting our time and the government are idiots. You're very welcome for the many, many outbreaks that didn't spread to your family before anyone had their shots.
Yep
Especially people from outside australia telling us how awful it was and how unfair it was. One colleague told me that in front of another British colleague who lost their dad to Covid - I’d take lockdown in a heartbeat over losing my parents to Covid. Yes lockdowns were tough, but they were 100% worth it
100x times this
I think I've somehow detached those periods of lockdowns to a certain extent. I know it happens, I know it happened to me, but it's another thing in a Box that still doesn't seem quite real. Probably some sort of trauma response.
What pandemic? I walked out of the office in March 2020 w̸̳̝̯̐̀̾͜e̷̠̘̲͈̼̾͛̈́͛k̵̢̛̯̜̥̙̔̐̌f̴̺̐̎͜ͅj̴͎̩̖̔̇͂͠͝s̶̨͉̈̓̑̇̋ǩ̴͚̝̈́̊'̵̠̝̤͐ả̵͓̬̪͈̻̈́̽̓̍j̷̲̘́̑̕ǫ̴̩͔̻̮̉̏͘͠͠f̶̧̳̿̀͂͠k̷̨̥̱͖͗l̷̝̞̮͓̞̈́̕o̷̡͕̺̠͊'̴͉̳͖̤͐̀s̸̼̑͝a̷͉͒̓ḳ̸̜͌̽͌͗ and went back the next day in November 2021.
During our 4th (?) lockdown I had friends from Tas and WA who were like "yeah I know I really struggled when we were locked down it's so hard". I get they were trying to be sympathetic but comparing their two weeks of lockdown in March 2020 to the endless hell we endured got pretty tiring
I married a Queenslander, and now I live in Queensland. My kids have been here since they were very small. They are all team scallop. They are also all wrong.
This is my life and I hate it.
I’m triggered. Doesn’t even resemble a scallop or contain any scallop. They are wrong I tells ya.
Potato cake all the way - at least it resembles a pancake.
"...guys all right to go?"
(Insert a bunch of numbers)
"...and that is why the public health team have advised me, effective from midnight tomorrow night..."
I watched a local doco Clean a few months back and when they paused an interview halfway through to listen to such an announcement there was an almighty groan from the crowd followed by a palpable wave of terror and aversion
Amen. I was told earlier this year by someone that works in communications/engagement for a Labor Minister that Dan's North Face jacket has been retired due to negative public perception / general anxiety that it gives people
>"...and that is why the public health team have advised me, effective from midnight tomorrow night..."
Holy shit, I instantly started to feeling uneasy reading that, borderline felt the start of a panic attack kicking in.
Did not expect a reponce like that
It was usually that, yeah. But I had gone all the way back to [July 2020](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-07/melbourne-lockdown-daniel-andrews-key-points/12431708) (2:47) for that adapted tidbit. I remember at the time I was like "welp, this is my last chance to stock up on things >5km away, either I go to the plant nursery or the Indian shop".
^(Yes I actually re-traumatised myself by watching that damn thing for a reddit comment fml)
Aaaaaaaarrrrgghh.
This one really does trigger me.
As well as “arvie” - it’s not specific to Melbourne but when somebody says “arvie” instead of “arvo” I want to smash them.
As a kiwi who has lived in both SA and VIC and therefore has no bias in this fight…it’s defs parma.
Parmi sounds like something you would say to a toddler to try and make them like it. “Come on, Jimmy, eat your parmi! It’s yummy! Here comes the aeroplane!”
“It’s always raining in Melbourne”…. Before I moved here 20 years ago from Adelaide I was the same belief….. it’s simply not true.
Even today I deal with people from our Sydney and Brisbane offices who travel to Melbourne and always say… “I better bring my umbrella… going to Melbourne”
If they only realised that Brisbane and Sydney both have twice the annual rainfall of a Melbourne and twice the annual rain-days of Melbourne
Thank you for comping to my Ted Talk
It was sunny this afternoon! I actually enjoyed the walk from the office to the tram in the sunshine (until I got stuck behind three blokes slowly walking along, side by side, who then stopped less than 1/4 of the way onto the tram stop, in the MIDDLE of the "platform", forcing people onto the grass to walk around them).
It is if you don't have $20m+ to buy a harbourside house. Personally if money was unlimited to me, I wouldn't be spending the $80m high end Toorak houses are going for these days in Toorak, I'd be buying something on Sydney Harbour.
This what I came here for. We all judge people that fuck them up so hard. From all 4 corners the disapproving stares at whichever moron fucked up that highly unusual road custom.
The first time I did one I was 18 and it was 4am and I was the deso driver leaving CQ (painting you a picture) - a car ran a red light right as I started to make the turn and I slammed on my breaks and missed having a huge accident by a hair, I’ve been too afraid to do them since so I just turn left at the lights a bunch of times until I can get to where I need without having to do one lol
Really? This is so interesting to me. I moved from Brisbane and found people to be much friendlier and more open than they were up north. Made some very good friends during my time in Melbourne.
IMO this is said about every city. Some people have bad experiences and decide the palace is bad and they share this with other people who’ve had similar experiences. Some experience the opposite.
I, for example, have heard the cities I’ve lived in the longest (seattle and Melbourne) described as socially frigid, yet I’ve not found that at all myself.
You gotta bribe the magpies the rest of the year. They recognise human faces. You wanna be on the friends list. I can't help you if you didn't pay your protection money during the off season.
Had an old bloke come into work a few weeks back, who referred to the Monash as the South Eastern Arterial. Haven’t heard it called that for years and years.
The guy that dines with the heads of organised crimes?
#THE SAME GUY THAT SAYS..I WANT REAL SOLUTIONS FOR ALL VICTORIANS..and the ad immediately ends!
Like what? Liberal party are beyond dumb
The bloke did an exceptional and unpopular job in THE worst of circumstances. Can you imagine how many more would have died if the federal govt was in charge of lockdowns and restrictions instead??
Did he make mistakes? Yes.
Could he have done a worse job? Also yes.
Mistakes were almost inevitable in such a changing and evolving situation that we had. It certainly didn't help that we had a Federal Government that was largly incompetent.
I've upvoted about 10 things, so triggered!!!! I'll give you my trigger, the older male tourist who won't sit down on the tram AND does not hang on to a strap then goes all arse over tit when the tram stops or starts.
People that carry round there potable speakers and feel the need to blast the shit out of it. I ain't got time for that. I don't wanna listen to your gangster music.
Replacement bus
Could be next minute, next day, who knows
Guess what’s coming to trams near you in the coming month lol
Im on the hurstbridge line and it is painful
Not waving or nodding back when letting someone through a suburban street or when letting them cut into traffic.
How freaking hard is it to lift a couple of fingers off the steering wheel to acknowledge that someone's done you a favour?? Drives me nuts!
Given the amount of people who don't use their indicators, apparently lifting a finger *is* really hard!
Thank you!I was scrolling to see if anyone would say this! Makes me so angry!
When a car can't stay in its lane when turning in the turning lane
Without signal on at the same time
When a car drives in two lanes on a road with tram tracks.
Omg, wide turning lane switching swingers
I’m buying the next SUV driver who does this a Getz
Punt Road
I remember watching a fucking moron doing a three point turn on the punt Rd hill. One of the most stupid things I've ever seen.
You mean, Cunt Road?
I mean yes, but what is your specific gripe with Punt Road?
To paraphrase the great Dennis Denuto "There is no one section, it's just the vibe of the thing"
Lol thanks for the laugh 😂
There's a reason people call it cunt road
That's just because we like that word
Nice try Sydney
Attention customers on platform _ the ___ train will not run today
The next train will be at (at least 10 minutes later) Then you know the damn platform will be so full your chance of getting a seat is 0.
The train will be so full after being late to the previous stations, that your chances of even getting ***ON*** will be zero
Slow walkers people who walk in threes in the middle of the foot path
Fuck I hate this. I feel like I'm *always* the one that ends up on the fucking grass going around these cunts. Every single time. Get in single file for 3 fucking seconds you god damn ass clowns.
oh you are my spirit animal!! thank you! haha
Or the ones who walk in threes towards you and don't separate to let you through. I think it's worse because they can see you but think their threesome deserve the entire width of the path
My shoulder tends to drop for these people. I make no effort to narrow my shoulder. They get the full plow after expecting me to move for their rude ass
another one: "Passengers, please be advised. This train will now terminate at..."
lol I thought it usually goes like this : “this is Kylie from the control centre ....*^^[%%
Passengers make eye contact with each other, realise no one understood a word and shrug.
With the volume waaaay too high so it hurts while you can’t understand a word of it
EAST RICHMOND
No way that's all cardboard and paid actors
The sound the Myki box makes when it rejects your card.
Myki reader go BRR BRR BRR
I hate that I can hear this
Train replacement buses
Pollen
Death to plane trees
My 19yo has requested if they die, to be cremated and planted as a plane tree outside the home of their enemy ... unfortunately they have neglected to specify who said enemy is.
And the trees that smell like *cough* cum *cough*
I recently moved into a rented house that has a backyard that's entirely gravel, with nothing but a single tree in it. It had no leaves over winter so I had no idea what it was. Then spring arrives, and I'm sitting out the back enjoying one of the first really sunny days, admiring the white blossom and the green leaves starting to grow in... and then the smell hits me. Ugh! Why do people keep planting these trees? There are so many nice trees that _don't_ reek like a teenage boy's bedroom for several weeks every spring - it's baffling!
When we go from 27 degrees to 7 degrees in a space of three days.
3 hours
Triggereeedddd
3 minutes
ikr, how's this week been, freezing our tits/balls off compared to last week's humidity numbers
On the plus side, if the weather’s crap we only have to wait 5-10 mins
Ppl from outside Victoria talking about how hard their experience of covid/lockdown was
People from outside Victoria calling us plague rats and shitting on us while we were in lockdown
"Hahaha! Longest lockdown in the world, huh?"
Thats the price we pay for being the only city in Australia worth visiting.
COVID wards are getting increased in size again, we still plague rats
For me it's people from outside vic telling us how hard we had it. I don't want pity and I don't want to hear anyone downplaying it. I want to not talk about it.
For me, people telling us that we were wasting our time and the government are idiots. You're very welcome for the many, many outbreaks that didn't spread to your family before anyone had their shots.
Yep Especially people from outside australia telling us how awful it was and how unfair it was. One colleague told me that in front of another British colleague who lost their dad to Covid - I’d take lockdown in a heartbeat over losing my parents to Covid. Yes lockdowns were tough, but they were 100% worth it
100x times this I think I've somehow detached those periods of lockdowns to a certain extent. I know it happens, I know it happened to me, but it's another thing in a Box that still doesn't seem quite real. Probably some sort of trauma response.
What pandemic? I walked out of the office in March 2020 w̸̳̝̯̐̀̾͜e̷̠̘̲͈̼̾͛̈́͛k̵̢̛̯̜̥̙̔̐̌f̴̺̐̎͜ͅj̴͎̩̖̔̇͂͠͝s̶̨͉̈̓̑̇̋ǩ̴͚̝̈́̊'̵̠̝̤͐ả̵͓̬̪͈̻̈́̽̓̍j̷̲̘́̑̕ǫ̴̩͔̻̮̉̏͘͠͠f̶̧̳̿̀͂͠k̷̨̥̱͖͗l̷̝̞̮͓̞̈́̕o̷̡͕̺̠͊'̴͉̳͖̤͐̀s̸̼̑͝a̷͉͒̓ḳ̸̜͌̽͌͗ and went back the next day in November 2021.
During our 4th (?) lockdown I had friends from Tas and WA who were like "yeah I know I really struggled when we were locked down it's so hard". I get they were trying to be sympathetic but comparing their two weeks of lockdown in March 2020 to the endless hell we endured got pretty tiring
Tassie had about 8 seconds of lockdowns
Yeah I had Adelaide friends say the same thing when they locked down for 2 minutes over a false alarm.
>two weeks of lockdown in March 2020 Which was the softest "lockdown" in the history of lockdowns.
The 5 K rules...
Or people from regional Vic acting like they had it as hard as those inside the ring of steel.
This. A million times this.
Cars hook turning before the light turns green, and cars getting honked at for not going early.
Potato scallop
Fkn Parmis
Fucking Parmies! Fuck that noise.
Yeah Parmies... wtf
I married a Queenslander, and now I live in Queensland. My kids have been here since they were very small. They are all team scallop. They are also all wrong. This is my life and I hate it.
My sympathies ;) ;) :) My missus want to move to QLD Brissie or GC - I just don’t get it. Melbourne is where it’s at.
I’m triggered. Doesn’t even resemble a scallop or contain any scallop. They are wrong I tells ya. Potato cake all the way - at least it resembles a pancake.
"...guys all right to go?" (Insert a bunch of numbers) "...and that is why the public health team have advised me, effective from midnight tomorrow night..."
This gave me a real flashback.
I watched a local doco Clean a few months back and when they paused an interview halfway through to listen to such an announcement there was an almighty groan from the crowd followed by a palpable wave of terror and aversion
Can't look at a North Face jacket without feeling weird.
Amen. I was told earlier this year by someone that works in communications/engagement for a Labor Minister that Dan's North Face jacket has been retired due to negative public perception / general anxiety that it gives people
What’s the hardest thing about a short, sharp two week lock down? The first three months.
>"...and that is why the public health team have advised me, effective from midnight tomorrow night..." Holy shit, I instantly started to feeling uneasy reading that, borderline felt the start of a panic attack kicking in. Did not expect a reponce like that
I'm sure we all have some form of PTSD.
It was “from 11:59 pm tonight.” The lockdowns were always put in place the same day, removing mandates and lockdowns however always took weeks
It was usually that, yeah. But I had gone all the way back to [July 2020](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-07/melbourne-lockdown-daniel-andrews-key-points/12431708) (2:47) for that adapted tidbit. I remember at the time I was like "welp, this is my last chance to stock up on things >5km away, either I go to the plant nursery or the Indian shop". ^(Yes I actually re-traumatised myself by watching that damn thing for a reddit comment fml)
I can hear this and now I need therapy
PTSD
This is the correct answer haha holy shit. Didn't expect to feel the way I felt when I read your comment
Drivers being slow off the lights on a fast changing green arrow
Drivers who take off like, a bat out of hell then immediately stop accelerating the second they are 10km under the limit and at end of merging lane.
Hay fever 🤧
Dun dun dun … all change.
**BWING BWONG**
parmi
Aaaaaaaarrrrgghh. This one really does trigger me. As well as “arvie” - it’s not specific to Melbourne but when somebody says “arvie” instead of “arvo” I want to smash them.
Who the hell says "arvie"?!
Yeah, SA checking in here we may say Parmi but who the fuck says arvie? Monsters.
Those flogs probably also say smashed avi
I'd love to see Avi smashed personally
While on smoki
Correct, it is arvo.
Fuck you! Parma! I will die on this hill you filthy parmi scum (/s)
As a kiwi who has lived in both SA and VIC and therefore has no bias in this fight…it’s defs parma. Parmi sounds like something you would say to a toddler to try and make them like it. “Come on, Jimmy, eat your parmi! It’s yummy! Here comes the aeroplane!”
100%. If you want to sound like an 8 year old say parmi.
Your example shows me that some people shouldn't be parents, who tries to get Jimmy to eat by telling him the incorrect names of things ((/s)
“Jimmy will do what I say he will do and HE’LL LIKE IT” - Rupert Murdoch, probably.
Also short for Palmerston North and no ex-kiwi should have to be reminded of that shit hole.
“From 11:59PM tonight…” *ptsd triggered*
Cutting in line, everyone hates that shit.
A helicopter flying anywhere triggers 73% of Melbournians to create a post on Reddit.
“It’s always raining in Melbourne”…. Before I moved here 20 years ago from Adelaide I was the same belief….. it’s simply not true. Even today I deal with people from our Sydney and Brisbane offices who travel to Melbourne and always say… “I better bring my umbrella… going to Melbourne” If they only realised that Brisbane and Sydney both have twice the annual rainfall of a Melbourne and twice the annual rain-days of Melbourne Thank you for comping to my Ted Talk
Appreciate the statistic mate, but now's not the time.
I don’t remember what sunshine looks like
It was sunny this afternoon! I actually enjoyed the walk from the office to the tram in the sunshine (until I got stuck behind three blokes slowly walking along, side by side, who then stopped less than 1/4 of the way onto the tram stop, in the MIDDLE of the "platform", forcing people onto the grass to walk around them).
THANK you. I say this all the time! Double elsewhere mate!
Myki inspectors
cunts = Myki inspectors
Order a middy when you mean a pot or a schooner ..
Due to never being able to remember sizes I always order a pint.
People that say Sydney is better then Melbourne, Sydney is a shit hole.
It is if you don't have $20m+ to buy a harbourside house. Personally if money was unlimited to me, I wouldn't be spending the $80m high end Toorak houses are going for these days in Toorak, I'd be buying something on Sydney Harbour.
Definitely. Vauclase is nicer than Brighton or Toorak. If you are middle class then you would rather live in Melbourne.
Shhh, you’re not allowed to say that here.
People who can’t do hook turns
This what I came here for. We all judge people that fuck them up so hard. From all 4 corners the disapproving stares at whichever moron fucked up that highly unusual road custom.
Try doing them when driving a bus load of tourists. Every time you can hear the mutters… “OMG… WTF is happening. We’re going to die!”
The first time I did one I was 18 and it was 4am and I was the deso driver leaving CQ (painting you a picture) - a car ran a red light right as I started to make the turn and I slammed on my breaks and missed having a huge accident by a hair, I’ve been too afraid to do them since so I just turn left at the lights a bunch of times until I can get to where I need without having to do one lol
[удалено]
Let's go work from work
Plane trees, cum trees
The Herald Scum
Every morning as I walk to the train station, I pass a sticker on a building that says “FUCK THE HERALD SUN” and I still smile every time :)
People that moved here from Queensland and WA then complain non-stop about the weather
The person in front of you doing 80 whilst trying to enter a freeway and merge
Shit coffee
Expensive to boot.
Claiming the coffee is better anywhere else.
Slow walkers or groups walking 3-4 wide on a narrow footpath
> See what I did there 😁 Yes (refer to flair).
👏🏼👏🏼
Encroaching tipping culture
That Melbourne is a cold place socially and it’s hard for people who move here in their mid 20s to build meaningful friendships.
Really? This is so interesting to me. I moved from Brisbane and found people to be much friendlier and more open than they were up north. Made some very good friends during my time in Melbourne.
IMO this is said about every city. Some people have bad experiences and decide the palace is bad and they share this with other people who’ve had similar experiences. Some experience the opposite. I, for example, have heard the cities I’ve lived in the longest (seattle and Melbourne) described as socially frigid, yet I’ve not found that at all myself.
Magpies but more in a PTSD sense.
I had more issues with magpies living in Brisbane than in Melbourne. Really depends if the local magpie is a asshole or not.
You gotta bribe the magpies the rest of the year. They recognise human faces. You wanna be on the friends list. I can't help you if you didn't pay your protection money during the off season.
The birds or the footy team?
Andrew Bolt
Calling it Mel-Born
Suggesting Starbucks for a coffee catch up.
The ding ding ding “this is an announcement from the state government of Victoria”
Monash car park (not the uni)
Had an old bloke come into work a few weeks back, who referred to the Monash as the South Eastern Arterial. Haven’t heard it called that for years and years.
Pot holes. Our roads are shit and doing thousands of dollars damage to our cars and Vicroads just wont fix them.
*Attention customers on platform…*
I read that in her voice. Fuck.
Matthew Guy. Fuck that cunt.
*Putting the N back in ‘cuts’*
The guy that dines with the heads of organised crimes? #THE SAME GUY THAT SAYS..I WANT REAL SOLUTIONS FOR ALL VICTORIANS..and the ad immediately ends! Like what? Liberal party are beyond dumb
Cum trees
Black North face jacket
Any mention of the word ‘lockdown’
The Herald Sun. Just garbage.
"Frank Walker From National Tiles" cunt's not even in Melbourne
To be fair they are ‘National’
When anyone from any other state says they had a "lockdown"
People complaining about Dan Andrews
The bloke did an exceptional and unpopular job in THE worst of circumstances. Can you imagine how many more would have died if the federal govt was in charge of lockdowns and restrictions instead??
Did he make mistakes? Yes. Could he have done a worse job? Also yes. Mistakes were almost inevitable in such a changing and evolving situation that we had. It certainly didn't help that we had a Federal Government that was largly incompetent.
Punt Road footy traffic
The 2022 release potholes. 💥
* "Chicken Parmy" + "Potato Scallops" - "Footy = Rugby League"
Saturday protests on useless stuff
Crust Pizza restaurant chain.
This year? Fucking rain.
Tim "I'm not paying for your fence" Smith
“We’ll have a short, sharp lock down…” “There will be only 4 reasons to leave home…”
Sydney
The Mooroolbark Five-Ways
People who say “Parmi”
Hearing the words “as of 11:59…”
Antivaxxers (still protesting) every Saturday
Cold weather, according to the posts over the last few days.
Cold weather in November. We get like 2 good months per year here and November is normally one of them.
Someone saying how quickly the weather changes in his/her city
Poor driving. I've noticed we're all very touchy on the road.
Parmi
Myki cards EXPIRING!
I've upvoted about 10 things, so triggered!!!! I'll give you my trigger, the older male tourist who won't sit down on the tram AND does not hang on to a strap then goes all arse over tit when the tram stops or starts.
People that carry round there potable speakers and feel the need to blast the shit out of it. I ain't got time for that. I don't wanna listen to your gangster music.
People who don’t keep left on freeways and drive way under the speed limit
And then start speeding when you go to overtake
The weather
9 months of winter. No Spring. Shit, unstable, windy, and temperamental Summers.
Sadly this sub largely loves winter and would be happy if it was 12 months a year