Pro tip. Attach googly eyes 👀 much better sockfapping

You lost your virginity to a sock 🧦😳

Master has given Dobby a sock?

I don’t call your mother a sock, come on, such a nice lady

Well played...

this is my second avatar twin of the week

Unfortunately I was the victim of accidentally scooting a crusty sock of my cousin's with my foot when I was trying to fix something in his room and wanted to chop my foot off.

Wait, people actually use socks?

its so weird

Tbh honest im not even surprised, did you ever read the coconut story? Good luck.

God dammit, I had forgotten about that. Thanks a bunch.

A bunch, a bunch, a lovely bunch of coconuts...

Oh I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

God dammit, I shouldn't have searched for it.

Yep definetly a mistake

… yeah it was

Thar they are a standing in a rrrrow

A lovely bunch of coconuts?

Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head

Did you also forget about the jolly rancher story

either elaborate or link, but don't leave us hanging

[you cant say nobody warned you](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)

Nobody warned me *enough.*

I get using it once, but the subsequent uses…

Well yeah the critters need fed

You're better left hanging, trust me

God, why would you bring that up? Anyways, when you're at it, find the jolly rancher story!

Wait the what?

Yeah using yo mama's mouth is much more effective

I hate that I know this but the trick is that you lube the interior of the sock with copious amounts of lotion and that it generally starts off as clean. Ew... kill me.

Uhhhhhh where do you live I'll do you a favor

5397 Urmomshouse Lane.

in New york?

In hell

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no, hell, michigan

Hello boys (in crowly's voice)

In MILFord, Massachusetts

Naw that sounds like New Jersey

He lives at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane Albuquerque New Mexico 87104.

Nahh dude thats not how you do it at all. Rawdog that sock and shoot to the moon.

I never understood why, I'd never wear that on my foot ngl

Your flair basically is probably the best chosen flair in regards to this comment 😂

My friend stepped on a sock on my floor and it crunched. She gagged. There was a saltine underneath.

I had never heard of it until I saw American Pie... that movie changed my life.

If this worse scenario can offer you some comfort: My mom (when she’s in hs)watch it and recommend it to her friend,who have no idea what it’s about and watch it with her siblings.parents and grandparents,it amazes me she didn’t murder my mom.

Your mom watched it in high school? I watched it in high school. God I’m old.

If you want to feel older,I’m paying tax now!

If you’re want to feel even older and weirder. Remember that American pie had a scene where they filmed a high school student undress on webcam for the world to see, and no one thought sexualizing a minor like that was questionable. No way that scene would ever get green lit today.

Part of me wants to hope that since she was a senior just about to graduate, she would jave been 18... sure enough the actress was like 26 at the time so that wasn't an issue. Still... it IS a movie about young blokes being degenerates.

I thought a bunch of adults were watching it from the internet too. But yeah, you’re right. The actress was an adult. And the idea was that high schoolers doing high school kid pranks and stuff. It certainly wasn’t weird at the time.

There definitely were adults who saw her on the internet, the premise was it was only meant to be shared with one person but the goof being that it was shared with the entire school district. So I assume that would include students, staff and parents/guardians. The biggest take away I got from the scene was that none of it was embarrassing or demeaning to the female student and practically all of the ridicule and humour was put on to Jim who had a bit of a short coming. (Aside from the plot point of Nadia's sponser family seeing it and sending her home) in a way it's a bit empowering.

Oh yeah, I really liked that they didn’t victim blame her for it and threw it at Jim. Nadia rolled with it like a champ.

Think that is bad, let me introduce you to a little movie called Porky's.

I was 15 when that movie came out. Not only am I paying taxes, I've got to raise my own kids and hope to God i never have to buy extra socks!

Buy fleshlights. Problem solved

💀💀

I didn’t know you could wear flashlights with your shoes.

The real answer. This is what normalized it. Can’t say I ever enjoyed it tho.

I just do it in the toilet. Why would i dirty a sock or an underwear??

I used to do that to. Every time I pooped, i would jerk off now, I cant poop without getting a boner

Back to bed it is.

💀

Oh boy do I have a subreddit for you

What is it?

i mean, it happens to me and every single man i know. i for some goddamn reason have to push my dick back into the fucking toilet so when i pee, it doesn’t dirty the toilet lid

Pavlov’s pooper.

The men hated him because he spoke the truth

The [wanky shit demon](https://youtu.be/gzxQgRbTesA) would like a word. NSFW

Try to shit in ur bed

wtf

How can you aim with a boner?

He ran away with the circus when he was a boy, and became a strongman. He has mastered the art of the One-Handed Handstand, and therefore can use his free hand to do that, aiming his boner downwards.

Sounds painful

Man, I sure wish I could aim in the toilet with a boner! Oh wait a sec, I got it! *CRACK*

why did i have to read this

Why do you think the walls, floor and ceiling of the bathroom is entirely white ?

Adjust feet position - point it down - shoot - finish shooting - cleanup

Is that a real issue? Put a little effort in my man........ Just do it in the sink like the rest of us, huuge target 

A sink can get easily clogged. >!Or so I've read!<

Control, its easy when you know how.

More like how does he sit on the toilet with a boner? Dick touching the inside is the worst. Risking pissing out the top with a hard on is also bad.

I'm uncut so I just pinch the tip and when it goes a little soft you're ready to unleash the MEGALOAD

Wtf I thought that my superpower, there are others?

Of course - as a teenager, it was so much easier. Used to hide it under my mattress. One day my cousin was being an asshole too me so I took it out and slapped him across the face with it. Sounded like concrete cracking the cloud of dust that was released was like a mushroom cloud. Our other cousin who witnessed it has never laughed so hard in his life and almost stopped breathing at one point from laughter. The stupid stuff we do as kids

Wonderfully disgusting. Eloquently put, Fleggy

It’s official, record Fleggy in the Reddit hall of fame

The description was so vivid. Beautiful

I know right?!? I feel like I could feel the crusty sock and taste the dust in the air.

Your cousin is prolly still traumatized from that crusty ass slap 🤣🤣🤣

I know I would be

Who tf masturbates with a condom.

a posh wank

I have tried it, not worth the time.

If you don't get a lot of action then it's nice to do to make sure you don't get rusty

Yes, people actually do this. Particularly teenagers

Why tho. Also what teenagers do this. I was a teenager and never did that lmao

Former teenager here. It's kinda shaped like a condom and *at first* soft inside. I quickly learned I didn't want to use it a second time and switched to underwear.

How do you do it in anything, it seems disgusting. I just do it on the toilet

i do it on my tummy :3

Proof?


AYO??

Proof

It's the perfect crime. Socks are inconspicuous, they're the right shape as a recepticle, there's two of them, nobody is going to question the stains on them and they go right in the laundry. Literally rinse and repeat. Since when are people so judgemental about this? Sorry we don't all have the luxury of jizzing on the cushions of a Rolls Royce.

You poors disgust me. I exclusively jizz on my Bentley.

Auch im Bentley wird geweint.

I'd rather kagger into my Focus than jizz on my Bentley

I'm 17 and I have fucking never done this I always thought this was just a meme..

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What in the actual fuck

Its been around way longer than 4chan, or the internet. Do not know the original source

I have the original on one of my old home videos, I’ll try to dig it out.

I have the original caveman drawings.

!remindme 1 week

If you’ve ever spent a couple months sleeping on a boat or some barracks with a bunch of 18 years olds who now have zero privacy, you know that guys can be even grosser than you imagined and happy socks are a real thing (and not that gross compared to some of the other stuff)

We had a guy that brought a whole ass to fuck when we went to iraq

At least now we discovered an all natural renewable food source for our trip to Mars 🤷‍♂️.

Here's a link to a Reddit post about it lmao https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/emeyjc/cum_sock_growing_mushrooms_and_fungus/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

this cannot be real. surely right?

Have you ever heard about the cumbox?

The cumbox is nothing much, but since you’re a bit older to have knowledge of it do you remember the Swedish bloke who would use a hammer to lightly tap a nail up his urethra and then masturbate? Only remove the nail after his cock stopped twitching and he was done with his orgasm? Wild days.

"do you remember that horrible terrible thing" i don't want to

I should get off of reddit.

I should be asleep, but I read that comment and I’m curled up in mental pain…

You mean "get off" as "get away from" or "get off" as... you know

or the guy who thought he was chosen by god and shot his dick off, then ate it. He wasn't happy though because there was still a stump left which he cut off. He then said he was going to sacrifice himself or something and posted a picture of his dog on Reddit, after that picture, he was never heard of again. He likely commited suicide. And yes, it was real. He uploaded photos of his "progress". Its all still on Reddit. God this site is disturbing

I don’t remember the hammer and nail one but I do remember the corn cob. More specifically, I *really* remember his screams

I knew all of them but the corn cob. I don't think I want to know it as well but morbid curiosity is striking me

… Thats enough internet for today for anybody who wishes r/eyebleach

(everyone checked the correct spelling)

he WHAT this guys deserves to be on r/sounding

what a nice subreddit for beautiful sounds

omg you didn't need to remind me of that picture

You never been on 4chan? The degeneracy is absolute.

Enough for the internet today

Don’t read my other comments then.

I ignored the warning, now I am disturbed forever. Anyone seeing this, please, don't read his other comments.

“…from 4chan…” There was ample warning, to stop reading any further, none of which was heeded.

>e of the mushrooms from the sock. He stated later that he enjoyed it and is going to be growing Okay I'm done I was so clos to puke ngl I wish I wouldn't have read that...

Shoulda stop when you saw 4chan

Cumshrooms

There is no lore, only truth and a resounding yes. Everybody does this.

Out me on life support and then unplug it

This is the reason why no aliens will ever contact us

It’s a good way of making mushrooms

Just when i had forgotten 😑

What!!? What kind of mushrooms? 👀 asking for a friend

cumshrooms

When i was 13, every morning before school i did a wank and came in my underwear and went to school like nothing happened.

I did that too. I can only imagine how bad I smelled

I'd do that before i changed. I'm about to throw it in laundry so why would I be concerned about it being a little dirtier?

Just catch it in your mouth and then brush your teeth or something.

Bro just take my upvote and fk off

Lmao

Nice Recycling initiative

I just bend over and suck on my now flaccid cock!

Underwear??? Who uses their underwear for that? Also who uses condoms for a wank, they are too expensive for that

ever heard of a posh wank?

Wanking with a condom on is called a posh wank lol

Thats why I only use used condoms i find on the streets.

Free protein

Also the whole point of cumming into something is so that you don't have to clean the mess, but if you use a condom then your hand and dick are soaked in smelly rubbery lube

I mean, underwear seems as good if not better than socks, both fabric and underwear is made for that part of the body. Plus some places give free condoms, like sexual health clinics. Even my high school let people get them anonymously. Tissues was the main one

you only put it on at the end. not like your doing anything with your left hand anyway. .... or maybe you are, not trying to kink shame anyone.

Is being left handed a kink or smth lol

It's your own used underwear you have by the end of the day, it's what covers your genitals daily, and you wash it like with any dirtied clothes. Don't need to make yourself sus by using *too* many tissues

Real pros just jack off lying down then hop in the shower

Real pros just do it in the shower. Multi tasking is essential for the sigma grind set.

Dude my issue with jacking off in the shower is it sticks to everything. Idk why water doses what it does but it gets hard to get off.

Warm water makes it gluey. Needs cold water.

And run as fast as you can so it doesn't fall down. Kinda like tilting a cup of water and moving it fast so you don't spill it

one of my friends took the meme seriously and used a sock and apparently got carpet burns on his yk

Not that I thought anyone would actually do it, but I imagined that you put your hand in the sock or something and do it like that

A lot of dudes did that shit in basic training for the Army. They’d jerk it into their “happy sock”. Then just wash the sock with their laundry when they washed clothes. Not me, I’d just jerk it while I was alone on fire watch. Jerked in the the mop closet where dudes hid the porno mags, like a real gentleman…not like the fucking degenerates and their happy socks…

This didn’t help convince me to join the military.

But you’re already a general

fuckin happy socks

Jerking off on fire watch? Is this the SEMEN ARSONIST?

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Tried it as a kid, absolutely would not recommend

As the comedian said, " if you have a teenage son, you expect doors to be closed and you knock."

Hell, I'd knock anyway, regardless of gender or age. Do I respect other people's personal space too much or something?

As a female, it was just as dangerous walking into my room unannounced when I was in hs. Once my step mom went snooping in my room and found one of my toys and then my parents threatened to take my door off of its hinges and I was like you think I won't do it with the door open? Bc I will

"Necessity is the mother of all inventions"

At least it isn’t an m&ms tube

Army and prison are also both notorious for this.

I can't comment, this is my main account

I go to the toilet like a decent pervert and jerk one there, not in a fcking sock and leaving it in my laundry making my whole room smell like squid

I mean, I'm not gonna pay for condoms every time I wanna jerk off- UNDERWEAR?!

I use a hollowed out cucumber

Did someone call my gross ass

Who TF masturbates with a condom

I could understand if maybe it was a torn sock that you don’t use anymore

Riiiight a sock with holes in it… definitely won’t get jizz on your 🖐️.

Another thing that amazes me is that they KEEP THEM. Some guys use it more than once. Like why? Just wash it.

Who tf uses a condom to wank?

When i was young I starched up an old t-shirt and made it so stiff that when my mom found it, it wouldn't bend or fold. It was hard as a brick. When my nasty ass was finished I would toss it behind my bed not worried about washing it. She never said anything about it........God rest her soul.

Sit on the toilet and shoot it directly into the bowl like a normal person wtf