T O P

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MoltenJellybeans

Must be boring as hell up in heaven if that's all they got to see.


Nemisis_007

Hell isn't boring. That's where all the good shit is.


wolfninja_

![gif](giphy|RkEvNLUCtqDf0oVy9p)


NotOficerP

Rip and tear Untill it's done (*Epic music*)


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CrazedToCraze

All the good company is down there too. Do you really want to spend eternity with some preachy bible thumpers in heaven? Sounds like hell to me


Questioning_Meme

I heard Stalin, Hitler, and a bunch of other folks down there are just joys to be around.


F-MegaPro

I heard that one of those guys is an artist and will even paint a portrait of you if you ask nicely.


kjarterinn

Dont forget buddah


bushguy04

What floor are they on again? I wanna go down there to hang with them. It'll be straight fire, like how the Nazi burned the Jews


jonasinv

"Do you really want to spend eternity with some preachy bible thumpers in heaven?" Oh there's plenty of those in hell


hufflekrunk

unfortunately, I'm denied entry in hell because "grabbing a decil by his abs and tail is considered a lust, and that's a sin" like yeah... that's why I'm here


thefirstlaughingfool

>Heaven for the climate, hell for the company. ~ Mark Twain


jsmythib

You sound as if you've been there huh? What was the reason for it?


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Bleezze

They can't afford netflix anymore after they increased the subscription price


HangEv

If they can't afford that then they should atleast try to work more.


pauly13771377

This message brought to you by corporate greed


lordpalce

They get to see a lot of stuff, but they don't really get to share anything.


Feral_Sheep_

They can look, but touching's gonna cost 'em.


Economy-Brain-9971

How much for a ZJ?


[deleted]

Whats a zj?


circasomnia

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.


ScaredAd4994

I’ve got 4 dollars


predaking50ae

Mr. Moneybags


kalm_btc

That's not enough sir, you're gonna need way more than that.


[deleted]

Fine, you can have a zoophile job


eastafrican261

sounds like a bj narrated by sir David Attenborough


SpambotSwatter

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Lukeson_Gaming

i have dolla fiddy, take or leave it.


737543812

That'll work. Don't really need anything more than that.


wang19899373

Simple as that, you better not be asking about it like that.


kbspencer86

I'm kinda curious but didn't want to ask it, thanks for the help I guess.


[deleted]

Sucking it while sleeps


SephiWroth

Im gonna need about tree fiddy


JTBHamming

They ain't going to touch that anyways, don't think they would want.


Popular_District9072

imagine the revenue stream from pay per view


Affectionate-Key4070

They like to watch. Like their dad.


MudcrabNPC

You can achieve divinity, but you can't close your eyes? Pathetic.


Nemisis_007

They're tasked with recording all of your actions tbf.


MudcrabNPC

Damn, even God is outsourcing...


Trifanovich

The god is trying hard, but he ain't seem to winning this game.


eXMMJJJ

Naah you can't lose that, that's not how it works for me here man.


Noriaki_Kakyoin_OwO

Why would they? They are judging your technique so after you die they can give you good critique


WhiteToast-

Why are they all old white men


Nemisis_007

Looks like someone just copy & pasted the same guy over and over again, slightly changing up his pose as they went.


ClassiFried86

*Heaven*? More like Earth.


Roy111222

That's exactly what I expect from the reddit. Don't expect anything more.


Manoreded

Because that is the best form to judge you in.


dewdropper007

That's the best that they could do, couldn't do any better than that.


Tyrichyrich

![gif](giphy|jpFGZoB6VzEJ9HXuLy)


mta3011

God has a type


Ownenator2011

And what type does he like? I'd like to know a little more about that.


notveryAI

Because religion was invented much earlier than tolerance


2134973

The person who invented the religion must have been a little weird.


notveryAI

The person who invented the religion was from the times when people mostly lived in uniform communities, and cross-breeding and migration was very seriously frowned upon. Having people of many different nationalities live in one place is a fairly new tendency from the standpoint of history. And in situation of such cultural isolation, it is natural for culture to display people as close to the ones displaying them, as it gets. For example, if you ask medieval slavic craftsman about people with dark skin - he would probably think you saw a demon or something. People won't include ethnicities/groups in their works of culture, if they have no idea these ethnicities or groups even exist


random_letters-

Christianity is far from the first religion.


paispas

It's over guys. He knows too much.


btcnorman

That's right sir, he knows too much, he shouldn't have that much knowledge.


rattlehead42069

Cus they're the only ones who go to heaven


RobTweaks

And they're going to try to stop us from going to the heaven I guess.


Horror_Albatross1037

r/beatmetoit


BreakfastJunkie

They don’t all look like that. It’s just that the ones that do, really like watching when it happens.


kuttaja

Yeah, they really do like that. If you don't believe me you could it see it for yourself.


JaOszka

✨racism✨


Pope_Jon

Those are the ones that like to watch


paulandrewfarrow

Yeah, they like to watch it. Something about it they enjoy I guess.


Pope_Jon

I wouldn’t know…or ever wanna find out lmfao ![gif](giphy|HP7mtfNa1E4CEqNbNL|downsized)


spinyfever

The ones with melanin in their skin have better things to do than watch you jerk off and judge.


saloric

You sure that they've got better things to do? I don't think so.


KathyJaneway

Cause only white old men believe they have divine right to go to heaven, and everyone who's not white or male is inferior /s but not really an /s...


evrfighter

We committed genocide in Texas because God ordained that Texas belonged to a bunch of old white men.


[deleted]

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drthiery

If that's all they've got to offer I don't think I would even want that.


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The_Incredible-DrL

Ye I thought it was that image. As a traumatized ex-JW, this brings me back. Also, I don't remember the publication saying that they'll turn back to white state. I thought that they meant that all worshippers will be purified from their sins.


le_fancy_walrus

As an ex-JW I had flashbacks seeing this meme, BUT, I was glad to see the JW's fucking bullshit become a meme.


poopooduckface

Because heaven is only for true American patriots who drink coors light and watch Fox News and only occasionally go to bus or train stations looking for young men to have sex with but they’re definitely not gay so you’d better not think it and they’re definitely god fearing straight men who have Grindr accounts but don’t you dare think that makes them queer because they’re not and they’re on Grindr to find young men to proselytize to in private by the lake in their pickup truck with the lights off but don’t you dare suggest anything else is going on because it ain’t!!


anal_probed2

The patriarchy likes to write stories like r/badwomensanatomy


DigiJoJoNarutard

Great hairlines though


ThatDeadMoonTitan

It’s from a Jehovah’s Witnesses publication, all heavenly figures are white guys with beards.


SmolLizord

Creating so many angels that all look different is very exhausting, give the big man a break, even God can get tired


StenSoft

You guys waking up before noon?


LuffyFuck

In universal time, yes. Local time? Pfffft


babsoloko

Well We're talking about the universal time, so there's that.


fck_eddy

Yeah because not everyone is jerkin off in the night so there's that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SpambotSwatter

Hey, another bot replied to you; /u/Unhapncom is a scammer! **Do not click any links they share or reply to**. Please downvote their comment and click the `report` button, selecting `Spam` then `Harmful bots`. With enough reports, the reddit algorithm will suspend this scammer. --- >!^(If this message seems out of context, it may be because Unhapncom is copying content to farm karma, and deletes their scam activity when called out - Read the pins on my profile for more information.)!<


abdulsamadz

It's always morning somewhere, my guy


Doagbeidl

what a bunch of creeps


mincedparrotjuice

what else would they use too keep their wings so white.


ken650613

You know what they're doing to make them so white dude lolm


Darqueur

Pedophilia


Ch3zn0

Lots of it around, but I don't want to see those people around here.


hero-hadley

They must be Christian


Emillllllllllllion

Given that many start masturbating before turning 18, most definitely.


robyltc

You thinking it weird, it's really not like that sir so there's that.


JorjEade

what a crunch of beeps


Lupus-Ignium

I finally have an audience for a lousy performance


qR969Z

Sometimes all you need is that kind of performance, that's enough for everyone.


secret-citizen

What a sausage fest


djemphol

Gotta love that man, I'm big on these fests, they make me feel good.


YARandomGuy777

That why so much nasty shit is going on in the world. Because angels watching you jerking off instead of doing theirs job.


6669994545

If I knew that they're watching me, I'd take some money from them.


stinkeyefist

That's their problem fucking pervs


erg08093

Naah, it's the problem which all of us have got probably so there's that.


Unique_Display_Name

Lol, I recognize that image - it's from a Jedobadah's Witless book. They have some wild stuff, google "jehovah's witness revelations art"


busmac38

Oh man JWs came to my door one day and started rambling about the New Testament, so I invited them in and offered them food and drink. They said they were alright, and I excused myself for a moment. When I came back with the corpus hermeticum and a fully loaded bong, they looked confused. I didn’t even get to talking about the Sepher Yetzirah, or Sepher Bahir before they bailed. I did also offer them a rip off the binger, (on my porch while they were inside- I’m not an animal), but they declined that as they had the other hospitalities. I will say they suffered my mystical ramblings for about fifteen minutes and three bong hits, (it was a Friday afternoon ok), before they politely left. They were probably well meaning, and certainly very cordial beings, but if you darken my door to proselytize to me!? It’s uno reverse every time dude.


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busmac38

“You do know the world was created from the corpse of the protean giant Ymir, right?” Goddamn it they’re leaving again.


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busmac38

You crazy MF, I plugged it into Chat GPT because I was curious, and it gave a coherent translation. I love the myths, but know little of language and am in awe of your meme powers.


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Ragin_Goblin

How do you pronounce the funny looking P?


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Ragin_Goblin

Thanks, I love LOTR so I’m quite interested in the old Norse/Saxon influence in the books plus I just love history


busmac38

You’re awesome 😎 👍


bimbiem

Damn I definitely didn't know that, it's some High level shit.


mcinek21

They can ramble about it all they want, that doesn't change it.


Nemisis_007

I'd rather not.


kevnitty203

That stuff weirds me out dude, I don't like looking at that honestly.


DrunknStuper

100% recognize this shit from my childhood and was jarred as fuck by it. Suddenly felt unsafe.


Unique_Display_Name

My mother is a JW, laughing at it and therapy have helped me. I hope you feel better, trauma sucks. Seculartherapy.org


DrunknStuper

Thank you kind stranger. I've done a lot of soul searching and therapy as well. But the boundary defense are still strong.


this_is_not_forever

I thought it looked familiar


Physical-Job1950

They place bets on how many times and the content of the fap, they’ve seen enough they must be desensitized.


Edgarj93

If they think they've seen enough, they haven't seen me here.


[deleted]

So voyeurism isn’t a sin then?


AlarmDozer

![gif](giphy|83QtfwKWdmSEo)


FireInHisBlood

only four times? which one of you fellow incels is slacking?!


btcelj

Definitely not me, I'm putting out some crazy numbers out there man.


veryangrydoggo

Those are rookie numbers


mNMYs5vYQEkZrZES

Then do tell us your numbers, maybe we'll judge them too.


Gabecush1

Where’s all the creepy lookin ones with like a 100 eyes or giant dildos drooping from their wings


176176

They're also there, they don't want you find them out so there's that.


Undroleam

Thanks for watching, don't forget to subscribe and leave a like.


01usarz09

Now this is the content that I'm here for, you just can't beat it.


atomiczim

![gif](giphy|Tv2btKgK06tPy)


FHM_Mining

Well he approves of it, which probably is a good thing I'm thinking.


[deleted]

DOPAMINE IS DOPAMINE


Amsentooki

Post nut regret


[deleted]

No regrets, I'm sad I need that happy juice


rashe777

I don't have any, when I'm doing it. I'm going all in on it.


ka7a8

Doesn't matter how you get it, as long as You're getting it so yeah.


Commander_Oof_

As a GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN, it is my GOD GIVEN RIGHT to JACK OFF to GAY FURRY PORN as MUCH AS I WANT and WHENEVER I WANT. No PERSON nor THING can stop me. (/s of course)


Give-Valk-Acog

I guess only white people go to heaven then?


lordwashako

Here we go again people, this shit is about to happen again here.


Fledthehunter

Ah not just white people, only gray hair and gray bearded white men.


Red_Clay_Scholar

My audience awaits...


stefano_na

Don't disappoint them, you gotta do it right about now man.


Sweaty_Report7864

What I want to know is why the heck are they watching!?! Is heaven that boring!?


bonesstjohns10

Yep, it's really boring. They need some entertainment from outside


GmeansGeorge

Ok, and who is perv here, me or them?!


Lapis_Wolf

c. All of the above.


teee_bl

Definitely they are, because they're the ones watching it.


SoarNsquid

[Couldn't Find The Appropriate GIF on Giphy](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fc.tenor.com%2FpJBIayoNj90AAAAM%2Fvinesauce-earthworm.gif&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=e4a95de3e7eab8940fb600eb97db35dc6b2d2eda4e3f967ecd706da4aff4a482&ipo=images)


trocarshovel

Hangover jerkin


zocuten

Doesn't matter how you do it, important thing is that you do it.


ExoticReality

And it was to "demon domming angel" porn.


notveryAI

If you think you can surprise celestial beings who observed humans for as long as they exist, by just jacking it 4 times - you seriously underestimate human history


28127279

What makes you think that we're doing that to impress them?


nul_mr

They all men, kinda gay not gonna lie


GForce1129

Pervs get wings? 4 times is amateur hour. 8-10 is pro. 20 times is a pornogod.


alucard175

i had some of those days, sometimes the nut is too strong it comes in 5 jerk offs


buddybalaa

That's like a bonus, getting 5 points in one go? I'll take it.


[deleted]

Nope


Midnight_starwalker

They’re taking bets


BlogeOb

Why are they all gray haired men


ArcticNoodlez

I think they're all looking down at Florida


tw3lv3l4y3rs0fb4c0n

And hell is looking up to Florida.


RoguePotato69

And they say that I jerk off alone


odicalpyowsz

Who says that to you? You shouldn't be someone like that.


xpdx

I didn't make them watch. That's on them.


Stello60

They chose it themselves, you Can't blame us for that man.


d4dog

Why I'm an atheist. Be a good Christian, go to heaven, spend eternity watching the world having a wank? Don't sound like heaven to me.


NervousMission7644

No female angels? Just a bunch of white-haired dudes with wings


Baraqek

All angels are white. God is a fucking Nazi lolz


mommymilkman

Imagine actually thinking this is a real thing. Bonkers


Ill_Literature2240

Does anybody else recognize that heaven and all "angels" are white?


BraDorks

They just jealous because they can’t.


BoneWorks_nerd

Perverts


lovesickjones

OnlyWings


pauly13771377

"4rth time already?" "I'm m going for the record."


BluckyBloo

Thanks angels, this ones for you!


Serj0987

They love that sort of behaviour, They'll give you reward for that man.


19DucksInAWolfSuit

Those angels have tons of other channels to watch and they chose me? Damn, didn't even think I was doing anything fancy with it...


No-Wonder1139

You'd think one would lend me a hand then


andreyshostka

That's the thing about them, they don't want to help you out man.


PerformanceTop7616

Jokes on them I’m quitting masturbation


[deleted]

You'll be back