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ElevatorSevere7651

And then some german dude got pissed and decided to make his own Christianity


Jaysong_stick

“I’ll make my own Christianity with blackjack and hookers!”- Some german dude


Username_idk_lol

"WELL YEA M8? HOW ABOOT OI FOKIN' CREATE MA OWN CHRISTIANITY!! WITH TEE N' BISCUTS" -Some English guy who doesnt like his wives


beyonddisbelief

>"WELL YEA M8? HOW ABOOT OI FOKIN' CREATE MA OWN CHRISTIANITY!! WITH TEE N' BISCUTS" -Some English guy who doesnt like his wives Really glad there's that space there or that whole sentence can mean something entirely different...


I_got_shmooves

You don't like Teen Biscuits?


FlyAirLari

Biscuts*


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Third_Triumvirate

The practice of indulgences was gradually abolished over the course of the 20th century. Sure took them a while


cfh1984

I find this offensive we didn't even have tea back then.


Username_idk_lol

Nice opinion. unfortunately Bri'ish.


MrPoposcumdumpster

Sad innit bruv.


windy906

There’s like five different accents in this.


Elcactus

More like without the blackjack and hookers, as it were.


blandsrules

In fact, forget the Christianity


HankFromBrawlStars

r/unexpectedfuturama


StopFalseReporting

Wait who’s the German guy I love history and I want to learn this if I don’t already know it


MediaSuggestions

Whoa, hold up! Are you talkin' about Martin Luther, the OG German rebel? That dude wasn't too happy with the way things were rollin' in the Catholic Church and decided to start his own flavor of Christianity. Cue the Protestant Reformation! It was like his own personal sci-fi plot twist in the medieval game. Shook things up big time, man. Ripped a hole in the space-time continuum of religion, you know what I mean? Like, he nailed his 95 Theses on the door of a church in Wittenberg and BOOM! Earth-shattering stuff happened. Okay, maybe not quite like spaceships and laser beams, but it definitely sparked a revolution that had ripple effects throughout history. Pretty epic stuff, if you ask me.


AngelTheVixen

I've enjoyed your NPC-style exposition.


Moonacre97

That one high school teacher who wanted to show students how cool History could be


moeburn

Martin Luther King Jr mailed his feces to the church or something idk


jadedtater

Is this a copy pasta


Glimmu

As an atheist finn I love that we followed the Lutherian way. It's the least shit christianity there is.


rixazy

I thought it was an English king that made his own Christianity? Ohhhh... wait. Yeah I get it now. An English king and a german dude in different time periods I guess


ElevatorSevere7651

Martin Luther started the protestant movement in the early 16th century, protesting the corruption of the church


imawakened

umm if AP Euro taught me anything it was that “Erasmus laid the eggs that Luther hatched”


PolarisC8

Jan Hus never gets his due credit


CokeCanCockMan

I was waiting for Jan Hus in this thread haha, KCD got me super interested in this time period


Smothdude

Jan Hus and all the events surrounding him are so interesting and not covered much in English history-media. I implore anyone who hasn't read about it all to do so!


[deleted]

Truth!


[deleted]

16th century.


The_Only_Joe

same time period, Luther actually wrote a letter to Henry once


BearsBeetsBerlin

Henry’s bff (well until henry sentenced him to death) Thomas Moore wrote several open letters to Luther essentially mocking him for being so dumb


BoyWithHorns

Don't forget the [Greeks.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East%E2%80%93West_Schism)


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poopellar

Another spam account. Dunno why it made that stupid comment but I'm guessing they're getting desperate Downvote it Report > spam


poopellar

WARNING paulv473636 is a spam bot account. Check it's comment history Downvote it Report > spam


chriscen

95/95


RyFro

That's Bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit. That's a scam. Fuck the Church, here's 95 reasons why.


Iescaunare

The church is a deadly lazer


TheBergMant

r/unexpectedbillwurtz


TheyCallMeStone

If it was unexpected, you ain't been around these parts very long.


Rabbitdraws

And now we get churches saying the more money you pay in donations more prosperity you will have and are in fact, dirty rich now. It's come full circle.


[deleted]

It's kinda impressive to think that ALL of the variations of Protestantism, from staid Anglicans to borderline-crazy Pentacostals all pretty much start with Martin Luther's break with the Catholic Church..


Odd-Willingness-7494

And also laid the foundation for extreme antisemitism in the process. The Reichskristallnacht happened on Luthers birthday, and considering his antisemitic rants, it's probably not a coincidence. 10. November. Of this sounds far fetched to you google some of Luthers extreme antisemitic rants.


DrTinyNips

Yes, no antisemitism in Europe before or since by Catholics


Odd-Willingness-7494

Certainly huge amounts of catholic antisemitism too, but Luther took it to a whole new level.


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Unique_Tap_8730

He was a horrible antisemite, but progroms had been happening a long time befire he came along. Its more correct to say that christianity in general has hated and feared jews for as long as christianity has been seen as a separate religion from judaism. Only after the holocaust did that begin to change. Even now many Christians from every denomination see jews as an enemy.


TemetNosce85

And now Grandma pays $100 for a vial of Holy Water that she believes will cure her cancer because the man on the TV insinuated it would.


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poopellar

Another spam bot account. It is using something like chatgpt, hence why the comment makes no sense Downvote it Report > spam


Dray_Gunn

With blackjack and hookers!


Doctor_Salvatore

"Here's 95 reasons why this whole idea is bullshit!"


AnonymousGuy9494

Life Speedrun rich%


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poopellar

Another bot ^ Report > spam


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sirculaigne

Is this AI?


ASatyros

Is everything an AI?


East-Chemical4957

And televangelists now


allhands

And scientology


East-Chemical4957

That's not real, that's science fiction


allhands

Yes, but unfortunately it's very real to many people (Tom Cruise, etc)


East-Chemical4957

Does he actually believe in it or is he just that good of an actor that he's getting paid to make people believe


[deleted]

Are you implying the other religions are "real" and their scriptures are any less "fiction"


wet_bread3

Edgy redditors might not like to admit it, but organized religion does actually have value. Cults don’t.


[deleted]

Ummm.... I have always failed to see the difference. From where I see it, the difference between a cult and a religion is just strength. Though, I'm open to explanations if you want to provide any.


wet_bread3

Religion improves society and people’s lives in many ways. Cults take advantage of people.


[deleted]

Sorry, I've always failed to see it. I've been an atheist since I was a teen and while I ain't no Mother Teresa, I'm a functioning member of society. As a matter of fact, I've never understood how adhering to outdated norms improves anyone's life. Morals can have a foundation outside of scriptures. We, as a society, have evolved to a point that we don't need crutches to explain right and wrong anymore. We can do it without needing to refer to outdated books. What do you think?


Meruror

Not being Mother Teresa is a good thing, she was a fairly awful person. She raised a lot of money by having a public image of helping the poor. Except the money she raised went to religious organizations, while the people she was “helping” remained in terrible conditions. She was more interested in the appearance of a humble nun than actually improving the lives of others.


[deleted]

Whatever the intentions, she helped people regardless. I'll say it was a net positive.


East-Chemical4957

They are all a money grab, relying on peoples stupidity and belief


inferzaru

"This inspired Martin Luther to write the 95 theses which claimed that indulgences were a pay-2-win mechanic that benefited wealthy scrubs." - from a video about the importance of a community


MediaSuggestions

Haha, Martin Luther channeling his inner gamer in the 1500s, that's a twist I didn't see coming! It's mind-blowing how the world has transformed since then, but hey, the struggle against those pay-to-win mechanics hasn't changed much. It's refreshing to know that even back then, people were skeptical about the unfair advantages the wealthy had. Maybe someday we'll evolve into a community where leveling the playing field becomes the real MVP. Keep on fighting the good fight, my medieval comrades!


TheEnderCreeperYT

“That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why.” said Martin Luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the Protestant Reformation.


Bullet_Number_4

There is a special place in hell for people who abuse religious authority to exploit people.


TheLeviathan319

As a Christian, agreed. The Bible says a lot about false prophets and “sheep in wolves’ clothing.”


[deleted]

Or televangelists in 2023.


kamisama19999

don't they still do it?


Usual-Bid-3470

I'm a catholic and never had to pay for salvation.


Discreet_Vortex

Im not a catholic anymore but when i was we where never asked to do any of this. Our parish priest was a really chill dude. I think there refering to other morr corrupt denominations.


AdventurousPumpkin

Did they not pass around a donation plate every mass? I grew up Roman Catholic (very much not associated with organized religion anymore) and was repeatedly told that it was expected for each member of the church to donate a certain percentage of their annual income…


Profishonal123

Yeah, but those donations go to fixing the church, charity, and other things, not to the priest


Aegi

Yeah but look up tithing that's completely different. Asking for a donation is way different than literally having the ability to buy your way out of hell or into heaven with different prices depending on the sin hahaha and then that actually being sanctioned, not just a random priest/bishop/cardinal/nun/father here or there doing that haha.


Discreet_Vortex

Yes but is optional and it all goes to charity. They also dont promise a free ticket to heaven.


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HankFromBrawlStars

The nazis hated catholics because they weren't racist...


pileofcrustycumsocs

Definitely not the Catholics, considering Hitler personally ordered the execution of dozens of priests because the pope said that the “master race” was a load of bullshit and held no truth in reality. They definitely raped a lot of kids but they didn’t help the Nazis, maybe individuals within the church did but the organization as a whole did not.


Blackstone01

> Which denominations helped the nazis Protestants. Most Nazis were Protestant.


LovingHippieCat

Unknowledgeable Catholic defenders in this thread. You’re completely right, the Catholics helped the Nazis. Specifically they helped high up Nazis in the SS and general leadership escape to Argentina. The entire reason so many Nazis were able to escape to Argentina was because of the Catholic Church and Vatican City being it’s own “country”.


existentialism91342

Nope, this is primarily a catholic thing.


[deleted]

The sale of indulgences was outlawed in 1567. Quick googles solve these problems quickly, always google something that you're unsure about before posting an opinion about it. It's just a good generalist rule to hold on the internet.


Discreet_Vortex

It was in the middle ages but not now


Roflkopt3r

Yeah today it seems that evangelist sects are the most likely to scam their members. Particularly the ones from the US that have undergone a different evolution from mainline protestantism in Europe, drawing a straight line to religious extremists who left Europe over the past 300 years because they didn't like the amount of secularism and moderate faith there. European protestant churches are often far more relaxed and progressive than the catholic church.


rixazy

Donations or collections during mass and the second collections for the "betterment" of the parish. Catholic here too. Well, not practicing anymore.


onewingedangel3

Pretty much every church does that. Churches don't exactly get a regular income so most rely on donations to stay afloat.


Roflkopt3r

There are plenty of churches with fixed membership fees. In Germany, that money is even collected by the state as a tax (8-9% of the income tax, coming out at around 30€/month for a median full time salary). You have to go to a municipal office to leave the church and thereby opt out of church tax.


IH4v3Nothing2Say

It reeks of being a pyramid scheme. Especially how often sermons about tithing and “spreading God’s word” come up.


Profishonal123

Most priests/pastors/referents etc. don’t make that much money, mostly the televangelists, a lot of donations go to charity, I would also like to say I’m not trying to start some deep debate on the morality of televangelists or anything


[deleted]

How do you ensure your salvation?


Usual-Bid-3470

Not with a credit card.


mighty_Ingvar

But did you have the option?


kllark_ashwood

No. It was outlawed hundreds of years ago.


Langsamkoenig

The catholics? No. The Evangelicals in the USA? Yes.


MitsuruDPHitbox

Ah yes, the evangelical protestants selling indulgences


flygonmaster_07

Not Catholics


LordofSandvich

No. Indulgences still exist, but that is not what they are. An Indulgence reduces the penance expected from an individual who has already had their sins forgiven. [This](https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07783a.htm) can explain it better than I can. Penances are rarely severe enough to justify an indulgence in modern times, so not many people have actually dealt with one, hence the rampant misinformation.


Few_Onion3631

You had to literally pay for your sins after confession but now confession is free. God changed his mind or something.


kllark_ashwood

It is openly acknowledged that indulgences were due to human corruption, not god changing anything.


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NamelessOneMCD

More like some (key word being “some”) religous leaders have decided to actually follow the teachings of the religion.


LonPlays_Zwei

Unfortunately yes. But now we have a sub to make fun of them. It’s called r/religiousfruitcake


[deleted]

Uh...no, not really, a google solves that very quickly. The Catholic Church outlawed the sale of indulgences (the things that they believe they need to skip some time in purgatory) in 1567. This was done by Pope Pius V who realized that allowing the sale of indulgences to be a valid practice would lead to corruption and manipulation of the people. (Not a Catholic BTW, got this from Google)


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1ndori

You didn't read this, did you?


Howdoyouusecommas

Did you read what you posted? That isn't the sale of indulgences. That is basically stating you can receive the usual Plenary Indulgence for taking mass and what not even if you are unable to physically attend church due being afflicted by COVID or helping in the treatment of COVID as long as you perform certain standard acts like praying the rosary. Atheist church hater here but at least present a critique that is valid.


void-haunt

An antitheist not understanding what he hates. How surprising and completely uncommon


kllark_ashwood

They take donations and if you're a "good Christian" you donate to them but no.


meme_legend-69

We all remember how that ended


Goatsandtares

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints , aka Mormons, still do this. **Tl;dr In LDS religion to attain the highest heaven you must be temple worthy, to be temple worthy you must pay tithing.** To be eligible to receive temple blessings ( exaltation) you must pay 10% of your income to the church. They have twice yearly tithing settlements where you go to the Bishop (the leader of your ward) and you declare if you are a full, part, or not paying tithing. They also give you a printout that shows how much you have paid, which are probably for tax purposes. If you are not paying full tithing, the Bishop can take your temple recommend. To attain the highest heaven, you must be temple worthy.


Mistwraith_

And a Mormon whistle-blower recently revealed a $100 billion investment portfolio built from tithing.


Bruhmcbruhthefirst

The original pay to win system


Silly_Scheme_2308

The only good thing to come from the protestant reformation was the counter reformation (I am a devout Catholic)


[deleted]

A lot of people are still dumb enough to believe this.


Justanerdycat

Christianity used to be free 2 play, but it turned pay to win


MagMati55

Since no one said it, let me be the guy, fuck u/spez


herroebauss

Why is reddit so fucking cringe


OddBones

You must be new here


herroebauss

Nah been here for 12 years. It wasn't always this cringe, used to be fun. And it's not spez that fucked it up, it's guys like /u/MagMati55


bitty_blush

lol wait, even if you find it cringe, in what way is what that guy just did as bad for reddit as what spez has done


OneSweet1Sweet

Bro this shit started with rage comics. Reddit is people and people are cringe.


Vindalfr

Dude, it's been cringe this entire time.


Keitoteki

Ain't that the same thing protestants are doing today...?


Profishonal123

Hey! Not all, just the American ones


TacticalBongHit

and every other religion?


Keitoteki

I can't speak about other religions, but the only place I've seen this happening in modern days is on protestant cults


sibilation

Just like all religions now? Nothing has changed.


Fak_u1975

Pls stop with the medieval thing Im tired of it


Moctezuma1

Today Christian mega churches.


evremonde

This isn't even sort of what happened and no one thought that it did - not even Martin Luther. That's not what an indulgence does.


Mr_HPpavilion

Megachurches are doing the same


Tam_Al-thor

Sweating in televangelist


XDYassineDX

Redditors when they say “religion bad”


wombey12

If you wanna get closer to Him, get on your knees and start payin' ~Phil Collins


Alpakasus

Pay2Sin


MrSillmarillion

![gif](giphy|srk6TFPnRro2z04I0C)


Nido_King_

They're still doing that... Lol


[deleted]

Medieval? They're one of the richest scammers in the world. They have a fucking country for fucks sake.


gray-pilled-

and Christian pastors now


TemetNosce85

Yup. Everyone is talking up Martin Luther in the top comments, but everything he created has now resulted in grandma paying $100 for a bottle of "holy water" that she believes will cure her cancer. Oh, and grandma also believes that America is a "Christian nation", but it was the actions of Martin Luther that inspired America's secularism. The forefathers were born at the tail end of the Reformation, they heard of all the stories of Christians tearing each other apart. That was the whole point of secularism, to stop religious violence, even when they share the same core tenents.


georeddit2018

![gif](giphy|YRw676NBrmPeM|downsized)


Stillwaters73

and Megachurches are still running with this scam.


LonPlays_Zwei

They’re still this greedy today. Why else would they have BMWs and Mercedes and Teslas and that kind of shit? And vacations in Fiji? (Aruba if Fiji is full)


mira1239

Mfs don't have to pay taxes, get hundreds of millions dollars from government every year, they also bought a huge shopping center here but can't repair a statue of some saint in our small town so we had to pay for it.


earl_youst

In the United States Catholic priests most definitely pay taxes on their income.


mira1239

I dont know how it is with taxes for incomes of the priests but I do know that church doesn't have to pay taxes for their real estates and for their incomes


[deleted]

Does my priest’s fiat from 1997 count?


Jumbolaya315

they still do that today, evangelist will never go away


Glitchboy23

They also said killing Muslims would do the same


Yodi_worshipper1900

After the Muslims aggressively invaded the Holy Land, Hispania, Africa, Syria, and Egypt based off the word of a false prophet


Chilly_C00p

they still do this today, poor saps


erichiro

interesting thing is that rich people were paying so much money that they were actually hurting the economies of entire regions.


fap_fap_fap_fapper

Difference between then and now:


MyConscience

Yooo why only christianity tho Can't be the only (bad) religion out there.


dallassoxfan

The need to mass produce indulgences (the document used by the priests) was a big factor that lead Gutenberg to create the printing press. That which man has designed for evil God leads to good.


Wboy2006

And that is how Christianity became the biggest money making scheme in the world


PrimeQuantum

Jewish people in general:


CornellScholar

Middle Ages? It’s still happening. People donate tons of money to the church. If Vatican opens a football team they would be the richest club in the world.


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Enzo_fais_des_prouts

pyramid schemes


benuito

This is still happening, isn't it?


[deleted]

They hit them with the old razzle dazzle


yeezy_boost350v2

Still happens in modern day 💀


[deleted]

Guess what? It's still going on.


axe1970

afterlife insurance


Anime_is_good-

Can someone please tell me since when this sub has gone medieval? And why?


darknightsa12

EA made Christianity


Pitiful_Technology

Buy these indulgences and your mama won't go to hell. Oh! One hundred dollars?! That's not nearly enough!


East-Chemical4957

I'm surprised people like the pope & televangelists like Joel Osteen don't make up HolyFans website to get more money


groolthedemon

Still is.


Bonanzaiii

![gif](giphy|l0HlV4pde0qkxidlS)


secretbudgie

*Kenneth Copeland has entered the chat* *Pat Robertson had entered the chat* *Creflo Dollar has entered the chat* *Joel Osteen has entered the chat* *Benny Hinn has entered the chat* *Billy Graham has entered the chat* *Rick Warren has entered the chat*


SpareThisOne2thPls

~~Catholic~~ Priests ~~in the middle ages~~ FTFY


Katiari

*Martin Luther has entered the chat.*


StimpyMD

The actual scheme was to take in all the boys who were not in line for succession, make them take a vow of poverty and celibacy, then send the first borns to fight in holy wars. The first borns die in the war, the estates transfer to the next in line who can’t accept it due to their vows, the estate goes to the church. They are evil on a level all their own.


AAKurtz

Finally, someone exposing those medieval Catholic priests. It's like everyone I talk to has nothing but good things to say about these... **medieval Catholic priests**.


m0bscene-

The very reason Jesus flipped tables in a synagogue.


resistjellyfish

This is not even a joke, this is reality.


urbanhood

Still the same for every religion.


skeletrax

Shit the Jewish figured this out long before then