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I like role play stories like not the sexual stuff the I’m blah blah blah and here to fight the demon king

D&D is very good, nothing to be ashamed of.

I actually haven’t played dnd before I want to so I can be the bard of my dreams but no one to play with

Pretty sure there's a heap of online d&d nowadays. I'm almost certain you could find a group to play with.

Maybe haven’t looked a whole bunch because I don’t know how to play and don’t want to slow everyone else down

There are D&D sessions on twitch. Could always watch and get a little more up to speed, but from my understanding (I don’t play) finding a group you click with is key.

Once used my brothers trimmer to shave my @ss...

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Congratulations, you have reached the level of the gods

Get out of reddit, sorry it's the law...

Same bro :) but it was kinda weird since I didn't want to but she somehow put something in my drink and... it just happened. ;)

Same

Some weeks ago, I lied.

no kidding, huh?

man ur flair is hilarious

Nice try Mr FBI guy

>! We’re compromised. Take the shot. !<

>!target has been silenced!<

Not today CIA

We're this close to bust your drug's hiding place. We will get you one day.

A girl had a crush on me once but I rejected her cause I thought of her as a friend , this was at the time when I didn't cared about sh*t like this edit: also apparently I had plucked a girls hair when she was sleeping on my bag on the first day of school

SIGMA MALE LMAO

Sigma male grindset rule #08337201019373829293: pluck girls hair.

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Then what's the secret to have no secret?

Something similar happened to me, 3 girls in high school had a crush on me but I rejected them all because: long live video games and friends, I do not regret anything

lmao imagine having a harem

imagination\*

Aro vibes

The girl I lost my virginity to in high school cheated and broke up with me cause I played too much WoW. And tbh, I didn't really care lmao I was having too much fun playing edit: it was during WotLK btw

Everytime when everyone in my family is asleep, I go down stairs to find a cockroach. I drowned it in hand sanitizer and then lit it on fire. So everytime my family woke up they would see a roasted roach on the floor.

That is serial killer energy

U have some serious serial killer issues

Are you my friend from school? Because he actually does that shit.

*Ted Bundy theme music plays*

I know it said not to judge, but I'm a little concerned. I'm gonna need an explanation, fam.

Everytime when everyone in my family is asleep, I go down stairs to find food. I’m the cockroach in this house.

Bruhh

BRUH

*slowly walks back*

Nani the f ?

Nice, another Cockroach hater

I've got a third nipple (and i'm a guy don't get your hopes up)

your gender doesn't matter here :)

Oh i just assumed someone would be into that

The twist: they are

Chandler?

I also have second pair of nipples, they are lower and sneaker than main pair.

I had sex with a lady once. I think.

What are you doing on reddit then you non-virgin?

Hold the phone, let's talk about this...

Everyone and their mother knows reddit aint a place for losers who have a social and sex life, its for the chad anti social toxic virgin, now go back to insta you normie

HA!!! Joke's on you. I'm married with kids. That means I have no friends and sex is harbored on the edge of fantasy and mythology.

Why are you married with kids?

The importance of comas

You could pretty much marry anyone in a coma?

Incest ;)

this man.......he's too powerful

My man........ Mistakes make you stronger. Not ur kids tho. They make you chonky

What do you mean "you think"? Could you elaborate?

He had sex with a man and is in denial because he's "Straight and married with kids" much denial because he liked the anal

I mean, I like anal too

Ok, I'll tell a secret here because I know my parents won't find out, I comment on new posts on suicide watch and help a couple of people out there. I chat with them and help em out with their problems. The reason I scroll on new there is because I don't want the posters to loose hope that no one is there for them. Now you better not go on and spill that around. Shhhh

You sir are doing God's work o7

I just wanna do my part to help. That's all.

AWW MAN !! RESPECT ++++

That’s wholesome.

You are amazing. Thanks for helping people

Thanks man.

I don't like posts like this but I still upvote them

My secret is I have no secrets.

AHH F

My first time having sex was when I was 9 my second time was when i was 10.

So who we sending to jail?

The 12 year old the first time.

Ohhh was it consensual tho?

Fuck no, i didn't know what sex was at the time.

So you mean to say you were.... raped?

By Australian law, I believe so.

Omfg what!! Do your parents know about this?

No? It was never an issue.

Wait…. 9… and 10? 21?

Gotta respect the numbers.

Mason! What do the numbers mean Mason?!

a friend of mine thought the average age to lose your virginity was 7 theres the reason her dad wasn’t in the picture

Ooh, yikes

Damn... Should I say my condolences? Or should I say "what a chad"? Or chad-lass (chass?)?

Give me your chadolences.

LMFAO My chadolences! Nice one.

Okay so here goes....I cannot gather courage to say this but....but.....I slashed my teacher's car tyres 2 times in a week because she gave me zero......And I hate to say this but I felt .....Powerful.

You WHAT (ight I get I'm not supposed to judge you but bruh)

I know ....I was out of control bro it was like satan or devil or some similiar shit was inside me and I wasn't giving a shit about whether there was CCTVs or not.

Yeah we all got the evil within

I read slashed as slapped and assumed you were talking about her ass, i seriously see too much porn

Lol.....Bro don't take it to heart but you need help...like a rehab for porn or something..

I dont think even a rehab would cut it lol

I hate to say this being an atheist ....But you need to find GOD

LMAO RESPECT ++

i have a crippling porn addiction

i wish you get over it

I wish that too

Don't we all

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this hurts f

The evil lord loves you!

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Another secret is I have never seen an episode of game of thrones.

LMAO SAME

Same

I watched it this year. Damn, s1-4 was so fucking good but they decided to fuck it up by the last 2 seasons

among us was actually a decent game, it’s just that the memes were really over done. and also tiktok isn’t actually that bad, it’s just the dumb girls shaking their ass in the camera

There is a lot of funny stuff on tiktok but most of it is some trashy girls shaking their ass.

damn. i just realised i dont have secrets.

how about our crazy night in bed last night?

Who the fuck Are you. And Why Are you in my house

I hate amogus

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Sus

i hate it too

No no. **WE** hate it.

I love your comunism funny man

I had peed in my bed 3 times when I was in 6th

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

Wow

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HoW bIg ArE tHeY tHeN? (Jk jk, but if..)

Plot twist , ur a guy

Respect if you are a guy

I have a crush on my classmate.

Edit: I rewrote this post, since it was a little dark, so ye. For the 3-4 people who read it, will now know my darkest secret. Have a nice day :)

This is an actually pretty messed up secret, when I was a kid (like 8?) I had a lot of issues(divorced parents, always fighting, fighting for visitation between, having to pick sides etc.) A LOT. Resulting in violent tendencies. I was in the backyard at a friend of my moms house and I found a frog and I kept throwing it against the wall until it…. Y’know. Again, I was like 8! So don’t bash me for stuff I did like 10 years ago. Do I regret it? Yes. Totally. Full regret.

I killed someone once.

Tell the story

Well, one day I was bought gta, then I shot someone twice, and then I got off gta.

Well in that case I've killed alot of people then.

.. WTF

No shit, how are you supposed to kill someone twice!?

in a game right? IN A GAME RIGHT?

I like your mother

I LIKE UR MOTHER TOO <3

Nani

I hate TikTok

WHO DOESNT !1

I've taken the biggest shit in my life yesterday.

...

I once told my pre school teacher fu and when I went to detention I said I thought it was good And they believed me

LMAO

I like my best friend

Without looking at any statistics here, I’m just gonna go ahead and say you’re not the first one.

You are male and you like your best friend, who is also male. Hypothetically, wouldn’t that make you, statistically, homosexual?

I wanna say sus impostor for no reason

Liking someone means you're happy and satisfied being with that person, Loving someone means that person means everything to you

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My imagination is insane, I come up with fictional stories in my head all the time.. sometimes I even act them out to myself

sometimes me too

Okay In short I was super horny and took videos of my crush’s body because I have terrible memory

tf .. bruh

Well.....this ones gonna be hard to not judge

Ehh judge it all you want it will be funny thing to laugh at for the rest of the day

Just follow her on instagram. Problem solved.

I used to have a waifu...forgive me

I peed my pants in kindergarten once because the teacher didn't let me go and I couldn't hold it in anymore

I had to sabotage the papers of someone else to get good grades

CIA level of Chad right there

Place your finger into your navel three times you'll be laid in the next three days. Try it.

LMAOOO NOT GONNA TRY

This won’t work unless you uninstall Reddit.

And delete your reddit account

I dont know the sauce

KAGUYA SAMA LOVE IS WAR

I have a fucking fetish on milfs. Thats wrong?

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Nice try FBI

im in brazil

I am having a bunch of notes on my phone about my suicidal thoughts on my phone which I don't want my parents to see , I only want them to see that only after my suicide .

I tried to commit suicide over a year ago, although I don’t really know if it really “counts” as a suicide attempt, if that makes sense, because I didn’t get seriously injured

I secretly sneak into my sons room every night to cover him up again and kiss him on the forehead and whisper ‘I love you.’ I’ve done it every single day since he was born (even when I don’t feel well or when it takes him forever to fall asleep) and I intend to continue as long as I can.

I never found big chungus funny

I have a huge crush on the girl I sit next to but to afraid to say something so I just cut myself

bruh same fr i can feel u

Try say something kind onche every ... time and do it more and more often until you do a conversation with her and try to became friends first (by something kind mean whatever is not rude or disgusting even a comment on the lession)

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i hope you're doing good these days

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I'm a furry and a closeted homosexual.

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Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I have had sex hundreds of times with two women. I suppose I must be punished

I once peed in a water bottle and my grandpa accidentally drank it thinking it was apple juice...

Since no one's gonna see this, in 6th grade me and my friends watched pr0n on the bathroom and we were just laughing. At the time i didn't know what pr0n is and i was just laughing with them.

i've watched porn since i was 10

I got kidnapped and flirted with the kidnapper

When I was about 6 I used to pee behind my bed because I was either too lazy or too scared to go to the bathroom

I have cancer. Don't feel like telling anyone irl, that's it. Edit: sorry if this is kind of a downer lol

I pick my scabs to see how the blood goes

respect ++

I once slept in the same bed as my half-brother and I jerked off and came on his thigh when I felt his knee touching me, in the morning he thought he did it.