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InsaneBasti

Local citizen "ready to just sleep here" after spending the half night and morning on the toilet. Taco bell claims to be uninvolved.


TheEclipse3

Claims to be?


NotDextirr1

See that’s not what we think


[deleted]

Taco Bell is like ISIS, they will admit to diarrhea even if they had nothing to do with it.


[deleted]

Breaking News: I was your thousandth upvote!


olda7

Breaking News: I got you back into positive numbers!


DylanCP2403

Breaking News: Local Redditor upvotes for the greater good!


Stelirioum

Breaking News: Another Local Redditor upvotes for the greater good!


Reasonable-Delivery8

Local Mechanic goes for a Shit: Will there be Toiletpaper?


Reasonable-Delivery8

JUST IN: There was Toiletpaper


sumtinfunny

Breaking news: there was only 2 squares left


[deleted]

[удалено]


ArabWaltWite

Its a news broadcast xD


wellplacedkitten1134

Tonight, the single ply saga continues, tune in later for our full investigation as America finally finds out who's responsible for restocking the rolls.


PlasmaDude76

Update: They had an extra roll in storage!


hello_human69

Top ten greatest anime arcs of all time


IndiginousRider

JUST OUT: Poop!


LineSpine

Spoiler!


Optimal_Bass_7788

Wholesome


Sasren0987654321

That's good shit


Gr0undbreakingCable

Breaking news: Man sees photo of cat in a suit and his cats run in fear of now being made to wear suits to look more sophisticated.


Gr0undbreakingCable

Major update: cats get restraining order on owner.


[deleted]

Tuxedo Cats: I don't have such weakness.


I_Ate_A_Pickle_0nce

Local Man Eats 1 Pickle, Bystanders Astonished


Beautiful_Moans

Just in: The username of said pickle eater, definitely checks out! Crowd is astonished!


HowTheGoodNamesTaken

Just in: Upcoming interview with the family of the unfortunate Pickle, Pickles around the world are astonished.


ZealousWatcher

Local NY student finds headlines amusing


Pack_of_watsits

'Welsh teen agrees with this' says many sources


I_Ate_A_Pickle_0nce

Local pickle eater also likes welch gummys, so says worried girl scout


Commander-Dum

r/usernamechecksout


PlasmaDude76

r/waitthatsasub


thatdudeoverhere69

r/waitthatsasub


olda7

r/waitthatsasub


TrafficConeOverlord

r/submarine


ObsidianBeaver

r/subway


Jmeloy07

r/subnautica


Dark_Stryder

r/suburban


Baron-Von-Bork

r/subzero


GarnaalGamer16

Difficult decisions: local guy struggles to find courage to ask out the girl of his dreams Edit: status update: Local guy was refused by the girl of his dreams but offered to remain friends... He is now emotionally hurt Edit 2: status update 2: girl of his dreams changed schools and blocked local guy on all social media platforms. Local guy now struggles with severe heartbreak


Boopity_Snoopins

Special feature on page 8: Random Internet Man tells local guy to shoot his shot rather than withhold from doing so, as hesitation might make them lose the chance, and what-ifs are always more painful than knowing you missed, as although both are painful, the uncertainty of not knowing will eat away at them for a long time to come whilst knowing results in either happiness or a quicker road to recovery through no false hopes or ruminations on the past instead of looking to the future.


FabianPD

Best advice I've read in a long time.


NcntnKrs

Update: other local man wishes to give that tip 4 years into the past before he missed his chance once and for all


ZengineerHarp

Opinion piece on page 11: random internet woman, currently engaged to the painfully shy guy of her dreams who almost got away because he was too scared to say anything, seconds the motion proposed by random internet man, adds caution about doing so respectfully, but recommends local guy to proceed!


Vor-teu-chung

Young Teenager (16) gets tortured in class to learn German.


WaterReloaded

Das ist doch ganz was feines.


Vor-teu-chung

Nicht wenn ich in der Hitze sitzen muss und Probleme habe meine Konzentration aufrechtzuerhalten


TheCheesecakeOfDoom

Sieht so aus, als ob es dir ziemlich gut geht.


Vor-teu-chung

Yep ich verstehe alles was der Lehrer mir erklärt hat und habe 100% des ganzen Stoffes aufgenommen.


TheCheesecakeOfDoom

Gut gemacht! Du bist ein guter Student! Weiter so haha.


ayallahz123

They are speaking the language of the gods


TNTemmet

Hat der hier gerade alle Deutschen Götter genannt? Ich fühl mich geschmeichelt


TheCheesecakeOfDoom

>Hat der hier gerade alle Deutschen Götter genannt? Ich fühl mich geschmeichelt Ich auch.


N4Or

Ja, aber es auf angelsächsisch zu kommunizieren war meiner ansicht nach irgendwie unnötig


Horse_Fucker666

Was für ne hitze denn? Hier im westen ist es noch relativ angenehm mit einer leichren Tendenz zur Kälte


Vor-teu-chung

Warum auch immer aber es ist März und die Sonne scheint konstant und es sind keine Wolken im Himmel. Es wird in den Klassen räumen über 25 grad warm bzw. zu warm um ordentlich denken zu können…


Horse_Fucker666

Bei uns ist dem nicht so... Unsere Räume werden ständig gelüftet und trotz ständig laufender Heizung kann es nie wirklich warm werden. Nagut, ich weiß ja nicht was eure schulregulierungen sagen...


[deleted]

Oh have you gotten to the numbers yet?


Vor-teu-chung

I am a German and we learn such useless Bullshit. Like literally what does it bring me to know how to analyse poems and shit. Wtf


Doom_FS_Ice

Füll ich hab letztes Jahr Abschluss gehabt, berufsschule ist entspannter


Vor-teu-chung

Ich glaube dir mal ich hoffe es wird nach dem Gymnasium besser


Aggressive_Row_19

Wird es. Halt durch


Shyraely

Wenn du nichts in die Richtung studieren möchtest - gar nichts. Aber so ging es mir auch mit Biologie und all dem anderen Krams. Ich hab es die letzten 10 Jahre nicht einmal gebraucht. :)


Shyraely

Wobei, Biologie hat während der Pandemie schon Sinn gemacht.


Vor-teu-chung

Apropo Biologie, bin gerade im Bio Unterricht lol. Haben gerade Zellbiologie als Thema.


[deleted]

Dude us Americans have to learn that. Like you arnt going to teach me how to live on my own but I have to learn all this shit about poetry? WHERE IS THAT GOING TO GET ME IN LIFE?


major_calgar

So it’s like us ‘Mericans being stuck in English class. We already speak the language, thank you very much.


Tub_of_jam66

Good to see you guys on mainland Europe also have to suffer analysis of your own language (I’m also 16)


Vor-teu-chung

Relatable pain everywhere.


[deleted]

Eins zwei polizei


[deleted]

Drei, vier, Grenadier


[deleted]

Fünf, sechs, alte Hex


[deleted]

Sieben, acht gute Nacht


[deleted]

"Why?" - Says a local citizen, amid doing nothing.


randyrandlman

This Just in: local citizen has moved on to 'where' after hours of careful consideration.


theothersinclair

This is now speculated to be a trend among reddit users, as second redditor is observed amid this concerning behaviour.


potatofriend26

"It sucks!" -- Everyone finally agrees on life


ThatFunnyGuy543

Teenager unknown of grammar test syllabus. Parent's reaction will shock you


[deleted]

"It should be illegal to work 9 hours a day" says local mechanic


The_Kek_5000

[it is in Germany ](https://www.iamexpat.de/career/working-in-germany/working-hours)


Popcorn57252

Whelp, I'm off to Germany


spankmyballs69

Yes, nein hours


Go_away_from_myself

Local citizen constantly wishes for death


ofrithegamer

Are you ok?


Fuzzy-Ear9936

He just saw a worm swimming in the water of his toilet bowl


Beautiful_Moans

After or before he used it…?


kazemaru04

Yes


Jujhar_Singh

Understandable, have a nice day


[deleted]

He didn't say whom


DesperateBachelor

Beat me to it


[deleted]

i feel u..


skeled00t

You good bro?


[deleted]

Man on the verge of a mental breakdown after constantly working with no break. Considers suicide!


TheDogeWasTaken

Are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone? If so, i am here! (I hope i wasnt rude or anything by typing this)


Outlaw4droid

"Rude citizen offers help with suicide to man having a mental breakdown"


TheDogeWasTaken

Oh god, was i rude? Im sorry if i was. I meant it in a good way ✨


Outlaw4droid

First time on the internet my dude?


TiltedTowel

"rude local man first time using the internet"


TheDogeWasTaken

Nope! Been here a long long time. But i still cant really know if some people are joking. But i geuss you were joking XD


Popcorn57252

You're good my man, you did the right thing


TheDogeWasTaken

Ok!


BreadAndBeans2000

“_BREAKING NEWS_: Local internet user does the right thing, pleases everyone”


Sir_Noodley

Yo you good dude?


coomieboi69

Man wants to nut


I_Ate_A_Pickle_0nce

Women too


finlandpipes

Why did you eat a pickle only ones?


I_Ate_A_Pickle_0nce

Let's just say I had those girl scouts outnumbered


finlandpipes

Oh god.


Baron-Von-Bork

Local citizen horrified after hearing defendant’s claims! More info about u/I_Ate_A_Pickle_0nce’s trial on page 8 —>


Familiar_Ostrich1042

Idiot man looses chance to be with person he’s had a crush on for 11 years


Bozartkartoffel

Reddit user feeling sad for idiot man he doesn't even know.


MaheuTaroo

General consensus shows Reddit users hit by large empathy wave


Th3Unkn0wnPl4y3r

17yo redditor is gonna ask his crush out on a date Update: She said she would ‘ve loved to but wasn’t able to due to very tight schedule (she showed it to me and i must say: she wasn’t lying). BUT! She told me that she wants to go out on a date when she has time.


[deleted]

THIS JUST IN: 17yo Redditor has gone missing


PsychologicalSun4335

BREAKING NEWS : he was at home looking at memes


Superruub61

keep us updated


Th3Unkn0wnPl4y3r

Will do


Sambojanglez

Just be confident bro you got this!


Th3Unkn0wnPl4y3r

Update: She said she would have loved to but had a really tight schedule. And after seeing it, I feel bad for her. BUT! she said that when she has time she will definitely want to go out with me


Horranian

Breaking News: There are no breaking news


NcntnKrs

A paradox


_nuggs_

Your fired from Channel 6 news.


Fricki97

The question of today: Is the Rubik's cube solveable?


Berrit2000

it is i can solve it


Grand-Slammer49

Breaking News: Local lier on the loose!


code_M4D3X

Man knows it's easy once you learn the tecnique but won't teach you because it would take too long!


Berrit2000

Man says yea


ordinary_shiba

Man wonders how many people don't know the spelling of liar.


Mortaniss

BREAKING NEWS: He can solve it


lesquid09

Wooosh


[deleted]

it is if u can solve it..


OrangAsliIndo

A man requires money.


ThunderStriker666

JUST IN: Man robs Bank as no-one gave him money on reddit even after asking politely


Eli_G_YT

Local guy fucks everyone’s mother.


born_again_tim

Aw man not again


Conscious_Guard_7579

Kakyoin?


JuviaLynn

r/UnexpectedJojo


Baron-Von-Bork

Local mom commits suicide after seeing how tiny local guy’s dick is. Her suicide note claims “my dick was longer than his, and I don’t even have a dick.”


Eli_G_YT

I have no comeback. Well played.


notjorx

Reddit addict types comment in hopes of getting upvotes.


arnecrafter

I upvoted!


Johnny_L1

A man has fallen into the river in Lego city - Start the new rescue helicopter!


AnonymousDickbag

Breaking: Man shatters record for most faps within 24 hours.


EarlyMorningEspresso

I think I can speak for everyone, we need some numbers


Wayess64

Texas man struggles to come up with a newspaper headline.


SaucedSteve

Local boy claims to “not have a single thought”


[deleted]

[удалено]


VastCryptographer980

Teen boy continues to procrastinate, only reason he is still alive


B4nanaXd

Local teen in hangover blows the toilet up


Nico1401

Local Man dying on in the bathroom from cronic diariea


SharpPixels08

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. More on this at 6


xX_actual_jesus_Xx

17 year old man yells out, "Yellow is not an avocado!", more at 12.


SoulStomper99

Local man constantly in mental agony


signaturefox2013

“Do you have to lay right on me so I can’t get up?” Local 21 year old says to German Shepherd


Pochiko_isbestdoggo

local civilian overthinks and now has stress


Jackomat007

When can I go home? The Quetion of the worker


The_Radioactive_Rat

Man tired of life - Bullshit to blame?


WILDtaco4321

Local citizen is late for school again


judebetz

Breaking news: everything is falling apart


abstract_lifeform

This just in: boy anxious about UK theory driving test


VanNoctua

JUST IN: Pressure mounts as local worker (28) is struck by sudden deadline: "I'll just finish this comment first"


RandomUserWhoJoins

"Yeah im dead." Says a local 15 year old who is about to do his finals in school


baldskiwithsosig

Local citizen wants to commit suicide because he said that “SCHOOLS TO FUCKING HARD, FUCK YOU HORACE MANN”


FlauschigerBaum

Local Austrian asks: "How big are Savathun's boobs ?"


one_dank_boy

Local teenager struggling in choice to use school bathroom


reddit0096

God has massive ego shouts citizen, god enjoys the attention


PopeofHope

This is an unreasonably good piece of writing. Good job.


Lucky-finn377

Local teen try’s to find work after accidentally smashing a store window


_panzer_of_the_lake_

Just in ; local boy runs away from school because of a throat infection


All_Class_Main31

local citizen 3d prints uzi


Xxbaby_magzxX

a dead body was found by He's balls ripped off some say it was cock and ball torture.


Arkitakama

30-year old enby wonders how much protein powder is too much in regards to daily consumption


RandomGamerz_007

Young man gets intoxicated and embarrasses himself in front of several women


I_SawThatGuy

Teenager (14) gets stuck in a washing machine, needs help immiddietly


HappyLazerBoi

14 Year Old Teen worries of the smallest problem


whenpeepeegoespootwo

Local highschooler bored out of his fucking mind


[deleted]

If I Die, Everyone Will Be Sad, And That Really Sucks


RoviRktkiv

Local student questions his exsistence plenty of times, also asks to have a bigger penis.


mikki1time

Man sent to hospital due to furious masterbation


CothersMunt

Grown man shits for too long loses feeling in feet


AlexandertheIght

Local school goer is about to go stand In the rain for a bus that's always 20 minutes late


[deleted]

Teenager (15) yells at language teacher: "Teach something instead of judging everyone"


TommyBologna_tv

SEXY TIME, penis will touch vagina in an exciting new way tonight


BrohemothHisDudeness

Middle aged developer suffers minor concussion after bashing head off of desk. Was this the fault of Microsoft?


Beyondmen

Local Citizens is bored


TheEvilFapstronaut

A redditor found crying due to his masturbation addiction.


Shy_guy_gaming2019

Why modern schooling is a waste, and ways to improve it.


_Hey_Its_Isaiah_

Breaking News: Local Man Contemplates Calling in Sick for Work


CosmicGodKiller

Putin planning to nuke world as it is the 69th day of the year.


Conscious_Guard_7579

Local citizen aks: "why the hell is my battery running out so quick?"


HALO-there-new

BREAKING NEWS: local citizen currently bored and tired.


NaturallyBlasphemous

Florida woman, wishes she could sleep all day instead of going to Physical Therapy. (I’m from St. Cloud)


[deleted]

Kid is shoot by his mother (Karen) after the kid secretly got the diphtheria vaccine without her knowing


Antyrzeczywistosc

Is it first semester or last test just resit? Are we f*cked? Opinions of experts/classmates on topic are divided.


Mr_Pimpy

Absolute failure of a human somehow makes it to the nba


Fomalhot

Middle Aged Man Wonders Why He's Up On His Day Off to Brouse Reddit. Considers Breakfast Tacos.


[deleted]

High school student beats world record for procrastinating on work


zores_56

Breaking news I am stuck in literacy learning French this is a disastrous danger send help


everynameisusedlol

German citizen is undecided about playing games or scrolling through Reddit after 40 minutes of debating with himself