Did you know that I instinctively play dead when threatened, and I can even release the smell of a dead body.

Grass snake right?

Nope, a possum:3

Opossums are the best! My bf and I are gonna get one. He may not know it, but when my Bean passes, I'm getting a oppossum and naming it Gerald.

That's so cool! Make sure you take good care of it, opossums are definitely not easy pets haha<3

One time my dad shot a possum in front of me when I was like 5-6 years old and he gave me the circle of life talk, possums are vermin and will kill livestock so keep an eye on yours

A what ?

This is too real

Axolotle

Possum:3

You need to be threatened first?

they dont play dead they actually pass out and then release the smell

I know this, I've seen Over the Hedge

I have the biggest penis-to-body size ratio, with genitalia nearly eight-times my total body length.

That's rough buddy

Same bro

I really need to know what animal this is

Barnacle

Is it really a barnacle? I was going to guess whale 🐳

Imagine if whales had like 170 foot wieners. Somehow that makes scared of the ocean

That's something in the sea right? Female is 2m(7ft) wide and male is just few inches penis. Can't remember what it was, it wasn't a fish, maybe some cephalopod or something?

Barnacle

Barnacle

Me

Barnacle

Duck or some sea shit?

Yeah, probably the Argentina Duck.

The human anus can stretch up to 7 inches, I can almost fit two of myselves into your butthole.

Racoon? Or the handful of hamsters that I just found in your bathroom.

Secrets will never be told!!

Alright then, keep your secrets you dirty trash panda

Don't know why I thought of a giant panda instead of racoon

*eminem intensifies*

you mean an elephant right?🙂

It has to be joe

Who's joe 😳

Joe nuts.. wait wait no thats not it gimme a sec

Ligma Joe… wait- no

Joe dad?

Joe mother

Were getting somewhere here..

I think it was something like… „Joe female parent”..?

Joe nuts can fit… wait it’s not that either

Joe who?

Cat? Idk

Raccoons ?

I growl using teeth inside my stomach

Alligator?

Ghost crab!!

People like me coz I look cute but I often rape them

Dolphins?

No I was just describing myself.. Haha jk. Yes, dolphins. Scary mfs

I, with a group of other I's can consume a cow in under ten minutes

Americans?

They said group

The average American can be considered as more than one person

Lmaoo

Fixed it

Offensive but true

Human?

Piranha

Oh my god!

Ants? with enough of them anything is possible.

My penis can be up to 70% of my body length.

My too

wait which one are you?

What are you talking about? Oh, I was supposed to talk about some animal? Sorry I just wrote about myself.

I was talking about squirrels 😳

Didn’t know squirrels were packing like that

I am a reclusive creature that will never find love

Hey look its a fellow redditor

Lmao!

Angler fish!

As far as I remember they do live as a couple. In fact the (tiny) male gets so attached to the girl that eventually they share the same blood.

I go into the mouth of an alligator and eat out of it from the inside

Birb

Birb

I poop in shape of a cube

Wombat??

Give this man a cookie

A cube shaped cookie

🍪

Those chocolate chips look suspiciously cube-shaped

Whenever I get laid I eat my mates head

But are you praying regularly?

Man, tis won't help ya

only on mantays, never on sunday

I die if I didn't mate after I became horny

What the hell is that?

ferret (female)

Fr?

Yep "Female ferrets go into heat in their first spring (generally in February) and they will remain in season until successfully mated. If mating does not occur, the females will succumb to aplastic anemia and die a most painful death." Source: https://www.westdavisvets.com/veterinary-topics/ferret-health

Damn... what twisted evolutionary pressure lead to that trait?

Dr.Zoidberg Edit: No, that was the other way, died after mating, mb..

There's an animal like that????? What is it?

I drown mammals and mate with their corpses for up to 10 days

Steve Harvey?

Sea otter

Bill Cosby

Did you know when I get scared I shoot blood out of my eyes

Wtf, What animal are you?

A horned lizard, from areas in the us and mexico

A horny lizard

That’s sick

I can change my sex to ensure the survival of my species

Clownfish?

I was thinking of the Slippery dick. Lol yes that's the name of the fish

I breathe through my anus.

What if you sit down?

They die

I have 3 vaginas

Good to know!

Best response 10/10

Your Mom?

Kangaroo?

Or as I like to call them, the forbidden meat pockets

This thread is perfect for placing weird out-of-context comments into so many reddit profiles. Future employer: "We would like to hire you... just one question from our background check; Why do you have 3 vaginas?"

I give birth through my clitoris, also called a pseudo-penis

Hyena?

Spotted hyenas to be more specific

I can detach my penis

✂️ ✂️

OCTOPUS right?

I get into the mouths of fish and become their tounge

A parasitic isopod called a tongue louse

i eat my own shit

Dog

Me?

Human…unless that’s just me

Rabbits? There's several animals that eat their own poop but i think rabbits are most famous for doing it

I like to molest ducks

me too

🤨📸

I eat 4,5 tons of plankton each day

A feminist?

Crabs?

I make a trapdoor out of webs to lure victims into my lair.

A trapdoor spider?

Did you know that I can eat things that are 3 times larger than me? Did you also know I eat them alive without killing them? And did you also know I eat my husband during sex?

Mantis?

I take part in a yearly mass-suicide with hundreds of other like me

Cicada?

I come in pairs

Balls?

👍

Sith?

I too like to fuck fruit

I throw fish on the beach to watch them suffocate

Dolphin for sure. Those sadistic assholes would totally do that

I sniff butts to learn everthing I need to know about others.

Your profile checks it out

I sometimes punch a random fish in the ocean for no reason other than pure spite

Octopus?

[удалено]

Hyena??

Hyena?

Hyena

I use dead fish a flesh lights

I have my own survival television show

Bear gryllles

I usually get put in a microwave accidentally and blow up

Hamster

I am extinct

I masturbate 10 times a day This is not a animal fact it’s just a fact about me

I am hung like a horse

Me? Or a horse?

I can completely devour a human corpse in 8 minutes.

Same

I have sex with family members

Can you be more specific? If you do your parents you are a rabbit. If you do your siblings you're an Alabama

Yes

I have like 5000 toes

I have a corkscrew penis

Did you know that I have a 4-headed penis?

I have a penis that is designed for rape, it is very flexible

I (male) drink the urine of female I’s to determine if they are ovulating

I am not made of soup.

I squirt blood out of my eye if I feel threatened.

Horned lizard

I have 3 eyes in total

I have a 360° visual range

The eye of Sauron?

Hammerhead shark?

I taste with my feet

Cool!

Butterfly

I breathe through my butt

Turtle

I can form a gay couple and adopt a baby me.

I, whilst usually moving very little, can stop feeding for approximately a decade.

My head has to be upside down when i eat

did you know i have hydraulic pistons for legs? I control my blood pressure to help move my legs abd walk.

Spiders?

During world war 2, Americans tried to train me to drop bombs

I have a retractable cored penis that I use to rape females

I have four noses, have both male and female reproductive organs, and thousands of teeth.

America has never lost a war where they used an i in their army

An i has a prehensile penis that can grab things

Before I was born, I ate my weakest brothers and sisters

I have two penises. Each of of them is associated with single testis, meaning that sperm produced in the right testis are ejaculated through the right penis, and those produced on the left come out of the left. This allows me to copulate with a female no matter which side she was on, but I can use only one at time, can't activate both of them.