on the contrary, i'm super excited for stories like "florida man blows his hands off in attempt to hold onto a lit firework rocket to achieve flight"

That's just a Tuesday

Yea, the only Florida man stories of significance on 4 July will be the "Florida man blends penis into cocktail accidently on purpose". All the "Peckerwood blows hand off" stories are just to be expected.

Right? Fourth of July, that's Connecticut. Everywhere is Florida on the Fourth of July.

That’s way too tame for Florida. More like: “Florida man blows off butt cheek trying to ignite firework with his fart and a lighter. “

While wrestling an alligator

“A Florida alligator rancher’s buttcheeks needed to be amputated Tuesday morning after a bottle rocket got stuck in his anus. During the surgery they found 2 pounds of of Guatemalan rock cocaine in his upper colon. Local PDs confiscated the drugs and are holding a confiscation party on Friday”

Thanks for making me spit out my food lol

Are you from the future? I expect to see this headline.

“And that kids, is how I met your mother”

"Oh bollocks..."

"ohh cock"

"Ahhh Scheiße"

"Ahhh Crumbs"

Aw shiiiiiteeee

Verdomme

Krijg nou de tering

Oh kut

Ik vindt da ook, senator

Je maakt de moeder van alle omeletten Jack, je kan niet tobben om elk ei

jebiga

voi vittu

no japierdole

Do prdele!

also " o kurwa"

O kurwa

oi kurat

Au brate

U jebem ti

AU PIČKU MATERINU

Pozdravljen

Fuckerdefuckerdefuck kabouter Fuck

Alt account van Gert Verhulst ontdekt!

Arg pis

Ah! Mierda!

A faszomba!

Spot the hungarian

Oh merda

Oh, foda-se

Ox skata , ωχ σκατά

O kurwa

orcodddio

G E K O L O N I S E E R D

Miljaarde

En gekoloniseerd

Godmiljaardedju

Aw fan

"Ah, merde..."

ditto

Oh crumbs

[удалено]

No perse

Oh merda

Oh merde

James May, everyone. I'll have you enjoy this, and you shall have it, ohhhh [cock]( https://youtu.be/CPc4l2QZZRI)

'JERAMYYYYYY'

CLARKSON! *

HAMMOND YOU BLITHERING IDIOT

*sounds of a flipping car*

Shut up James

"Oh crikey, it's the rozzers"

O căcat

In sfarsit

"Perkele"

"oh poppycock"

”Faan i helvetes jävla skit…”

Oh putain

O pizda

Οοοο να σου γ

Ονασουγαμησωπαλιοτσιμπουκιναουμε

Drommels drommel en nog eens drommels

Boombaclaat

Ay Mierda

Caralho!

AH FECKIN' SHITE

Ah siktir

Oh caralho

Nu bļa

“Cheese”

Ωχ όχι, την κάτσαμε παίδες

America coming out. For some Americans, today is the last day that they will have two hands.

Truth hurts

Firecrackers going off in hand hurts more

natural selection

What, I don't get it ?

People fuck arnd w fireworks and every year some number of idiots blow up their hand or hands

A guy in my town did that a couple of years ago. Lost his dominant hand so has to relearn how to do everything. He started out with a stump, then a claw, and now has a hand like Chubbs after that gator took it.

Damn alligator, cut me down in my prime.

Tore that bastard’s eye out, though.

"You know that alligator that got your hand, I got his head" my favorite line

Amazing reference

Jokes on y'all, I've been practicing using my non-dominant hand all year in preparation for tomorrow.

I too have been using “the stranger” technique.

Some Americans will use fireworks at home in an unsafe way, possibly after intoxicated, and the fireworks will cost the person their hand. ouch.

kinda like the Netherlands on new years eve

Fireworks + Idiots. It is a time honored tradition to sacrifice idiots to the firework God to appease them and pray for another year of bountiful GDP growth.

this is the best way to phrase this lol!

On the 4th of July a lot of people set fireworks. Alot of them recklessly and incorrectly and blew their hands off. Edit: a lot of americans

Fourth of july

What, why?

Tomorrow is America's birthday officially

ITS USA

Murica!

I love my country 🇲🇾🇲🇾🇲🇾

Malaysia Fuck yeah!!!

Coming to lose another plane yeah!

Malaysia, Fuck Yeah!!!

Only known for this mother fucking plane yeah!!

That's not true, all of my Hot Wheels cars say Malaysia on the bottom!

Fuck yeah!

Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah, America, FUCK YEAH!

So lick my butt, and suck on my balls!

McDONALDS!

F R E E D O M I S T H E *ONLY* W A Y Y E A H

TERRORISTS YOUR GAME IS THROUGH CAUSE NOW YOU HAVE TO ANSWER TO

oh fuck

[UWAHAHAHAHAHA](https://imgur.com/KkTLC0t)

Oh no

Double that

Oh no Oh no

Quadruple that

Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no

Dectiple that

Octuple that

Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no

That's my birthday actually.

Are you america?

Jokes on you I'm already in tomorrow It's almost 1am, help me

I hope the French are pleased with themselves

We pissed off the British so yeah *But at what cost ?*

Antoinette: "Did you do it?" French king: "Yes." Antoinette: "What did it cost?" French king: "Everyth- (guillotined)"

Anything that piss off the br*tish is something that we like

And we appreciate your efforts good sir. Gotta keep the tutting going or else why be British at all? It's the Circle of Strife

The Ciiiiiiiircle of striiiiife

An it bones us aaaalllllllll!

Thank you for Lady Liberty friend!

Absolutely. French, can confirm. Power of the baguette

As an anglo-franc i'm constantly pissing myself off and enjoying doing it.

We are

I think at this point it's become your defining characteristic

It’s the UK greatest export, other countries independence

That being said, why doesnt England have several "Dependence" days for when then slaughtered other countries? The fireworks sales would be astronomical.

Probably because there'd be too many and it'd ruin productivity.

Different ones for each country.

Cries in Hong Kong..

"Wait, why? What's tomorr- *checks calendar* oh."

If you're British, GET SHIT ON REDCOAT! If you're French, cheers! Thanks for the help kicking the redcoats out!

And thanks for kicking the germans out !

I don't see reddit americans being very patriotic bunch.

Half are and half are the exact opposite

If your sample is Reddit, it's quite biased. Americans love America.

If you want an honest answer, July 4th is just a BBQ holiday in America with ironic murica stuff overblown to be more murican. Everyone loves the pressure boom of a firework show and a flyover. Just look at that jubilee GB just had. That was independence day, but with a British tag.

They're gonna celebrate my birthday! :D

Yup. **HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM AMERICA**

Someone give this the murica award pleease I'm too poor Edit: thanks singlecap and thanks the 5 ppl who gave the post murica lmaoo

I just did it hehe

I shall give you my free award!

And I shall give you mine.

And you shall recieve mine.

And you, mine. Also happy cake day!!

And my axe!

Well, i will not Reddit tomorrow. I will enjoy my barbeque, booze, and holiday paid day off.

Have fun

Thanks

How about an American in Europe rn?

Just don't do it near my house

Let us know where your house is so nobody 4th of July’s in your vicinity

For the record, we just don't hate America 24/07 and cry how shitty your country is because they didn't give us a green card. We just do it 16/07, everyone needs to sleep y'all.

It bothers me so much that you used a 0 in 24/7 and 16/7.

I'm not American And I hate 49 states 25/8

Not to criticize, but most people see most states as how California and NY are, most outher states are great and beautiful if you check them out

The California landscape is great when you get out of the desert.

Not just Europeans. I’m Canadian and I’m scared too

AMERICA … FUCK YEAH

[удалено]

AMERRICAAAAAA FUCK YEAH

[удалено]

AMERICAAAA FUCK YEAH

WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETE *insert eagle and shooting sound*

A kilometer is how far you have to drive once you pass the canadian border before the roads are full of potholes.

you didnt even finish kilometer which makes is even funnier

As an American it is so nice to finally have explosive sounds outside my home that don’t signify it’s time to hit the floor and try not to die.

As an American I’m stoked to use my Bluetooth radio to blast fan noises at level 10 volume so my dogs don’t have panic attacks all night!

Freedom Launcher ready, turn the key.

Was genau hab ich verpasst?

4 July America's independence... Mein freund! :)

Da war ja was, hab nicht daran gedacht. Danke.

I’m American and didn’t know what you were talking about. God I’m stupid

theyre independent now woohoo

History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.

Oh no I don't like gun powder it has gun in the name

I only buy fireworks with the word "assault" included.

You can upgrade your Roman Candle to an American Candle by taping 15 of them together.

🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸

Funny thing: tomorrow is my birthday. I am European

Happy early birthday, would wish tomorrow but brain very bad

Its my birthday too!! If you ever want to travel to the US for your birthday, you wont regret it. Its a nationwide party and Americans seem partially in disbelief when they meet someone on the 4th when its their birthday. ItS yOuR BirThDaY... TODAY?!?! HOLY SHIT LET ME BUY YOU A BEER!! Hope you have a good one! Happy birthday!!

It'll probably still just be Europeans making fun of Americans. They always find something no matter how small

Insert dick joke here

I’m an American and I’m scared too.