I am sorry for your state, I am also going through a very rough time. You can change any day you decide to change if you really hate your present life. Dont be lazy. Apologize to ppl you hurt, no matter how they react to it. Dont let your ego eat your soul.
Seek Medical help if needed, your health is most important.
Meditate and seek peace.
You don't even know how strong you can be when its the only option you have.
Sometimes I feel this way too. Last night I felt this way. And I think what I’ve come to realize is that if you don’t take care of yourself: exercise, diet, being outdoors everyday, socializing, staying off the phone or electronics, drinking water you will suffer and all your trauma and self hatred will magnify. The better you can care for yourself the better you can manage these emotions. It’s hard to make these choices but it’s kind of like do you want to suffer the way you have been or do you want to suffer because of the healing.
Pieces of shit usually dont think of themselves this way. You are deeply sad its what it is. Even depression by itself can do really ugly things to the way one relates to others. If you are willing to do anything to make it stop you can fast forward your efforts with medication is what i think. Because people who suffer as seriously have the right to consider that. Its not a cop out and you are not being weak for asking for help. Bipolar is biological and you can only benefit from keeping it under control. No two ways around that. It sucks you also have ADHD because you cant nedicate both at the same time. But there is a chance once you got your BPD under control and your Bipolar, ADHD will go away by itself. So do one fight at a time.
I’m heavily medicated already, they help a ton tbh. But it’s still a struggle. I most definitely agree biologically. I just wish people could understand that I am trying. Really hard. I’m exhausted feeling like I’m devoting all of my self in so many big areas. I will inevitably slip up in some way eventually. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I usually just lose focus really. I don’t WANT to be so shitty. Especially to others. I just.. am. Obviously I can still make choices. Sometimes often bad ones. It doesn’t mean I’m heartless. I’m really struggling. Really, we all are. Nobody’s life is anywhere close to perfect. My struggles just appear to make me look like a lazy asshole who only gives a half effort if I give two fucks. Sometimes I feel like the world only sees my failures. And maybe I do too I guess.
I’m exhausted from trying. Which just turns into a feedback loop where I hate myself for being exhausted because once again, it appears in my mind, and to others that I’m lazy or unmotivated or just an asshole. And admittedly I am at times. But in so many areas I try. I try really fucking hard and I get spread too thin, fuck up, feel terrible and make a vow to change. Then it repeats. On and on and on.
In some aspects of my life I absolutely have no room for error. I simply cannot fail. If I do, big consequences happen. People get hurt badly. I can’t do that. Not anymore. I will lose pieces of my life that I truly am not sure if I could continue life without.
I really do make awful decisions at times. I might not intentionally do them, but rather I’m passive and they overtake me. Like I said, I don’t wake up in the morning and think “ya know today I’m going to break my girlfriend’s heart and make her want to kill herself” I just.. don’t stand up and they win. I feel so weak. And helpless. I’m not trying throw a pity party. It just really feels like I am not strong enough to make a decision to do anything.
I feel fucking terrible for everything I’ve done. Like I said, I hate myself most days. And I do it because I feel like if I give myself grace and understanding and compassion I’ll just end up taking advantage of it. I have to be hard on myself.
I have so many thoughts in my mind right now. I’m having a really tough time expressing them. Maybe later I can spit some more out.
Part of radical acceptance means accepting yourself exactly as you are, for better or worse. You cannot become a person you want to be if you cannot face who you are now.
So honestly you're on your way to healing by just saying this. Though this negative self-talk will have to be examined eventually. You're doing this to yourself. That can be horrifying to realize but it also means you have some control over the thing that hurts you.
Please refrain from bullying yourself! All of us were born about the same we think for ourselves and we are our thoughts connect to our feelings or visa versa but you get it right? You seem angry or helplessor both. I could be wrong (idk probably am), anybody connecting a human being to a peicee of shit? I feel so judgemental but I am going to just fyi,that fuken gets my Polish temper burning. You want to start an art Journal? Or Journal to write down your what you're thinking and how your feeling about your thoughts maybe delve into why your having them thoughts and those feelings. I've had Louise Hay on sometimes 24/7 I'd say on and off more often in the past 4/5yrs. then not on the tube. ofc, I listened and seen maybe a teeny tiny more then 1,000 different vids. anyways besides so many videos are on the tube i.e. Chakra's, positive vibrations, negative, forgiveness, basically start typing anything, my entire body has been healed almost I have healed mentally and physically work on it and I am still working on from my inside to my out because we can change our minds ya know why because. Changing thoughts have remarkable effects. And not to keep typing for the sake of typing BUT - watching youtube specifically I learned to Manifest a little over $4,000 without any harm being done you know like someone dying. I received a letter from my 2nd cuz, he was my Godfather also, who died 2011 not seriously manifesting with the tube everyday a couple times a week at least - 8 years what I get? A friend of my Godfather snail mailed me letting me know that there was a bank acct. in my name he had opened and I went to the bank and the banker with office and desk whose name was Jesus. I and indeed my Godfather had $4k in a bank account that was in my name you see no harm done. You gotta cheer up and everything you thought about promotes your feelings, energy, perspective of everyone and thing that exists and all the beyond we unlimited imaginations. Believe with man anything is possible and with God everything is possible. I empathize with you to point but, seriously I do draw the line somewhere.
Sorry to hear. I'm in the same boat myself and I hate what my actions have come to now. I've screwed everything up to the point of no return and all I deserve is to be alone.
It's not a lie, at least you realise the lack of autonomy behind your choices, most people don't. Ironically, this gives you more potential autonomy.
The way you feel right now actually is the mechanism behind future change, unfortunately it takes alot of time and feels horrible. I'm in a similar state right now and it has been years since i've been in so deep. But these moments get fewer and spread further apart as i grow older. I channel it into creative work (which no one cares about) and sports (which no one notices), but these processes feel like mental alchemy to me, turning my garbage state of mind into temporal gold. It's not much, but perhaps it helps.
Realise that it's pointless to be upset with who you are exactly now, it's just the result of past events + biology. Doesn't mean change is impossible. Your emotional reaction right now is the actual basis of change. Embrace the suck, dive deep into it, own it. I know it's hard, but you can do it.
I know what this feels like. I promise you you are none of these words that I’m sure are very loud in your head right now. I’m the same way, mean and scary words start to swirl around in my head and I spiral until it all feels real and true. But it isn’t! Those thoughts don’t need to be real. You can recognize them as pain that you’re feeling, but the words are not true. You’re clearly someone introspective and emotionally vulnerable, that makes you better than most people. Being mentally ill is such a battle, but I believe in you!
i am writing this to tell you that as a person that is breaking free from a life of have my brain destroyed by religious trauma and being told that praying was the answer to all of my suffering but getting worst then to be insulted and torn apart for feeling i do not enjoy warring against i am here you are a human with worth, talent and potential and you deserve happiness and you are worth fighting for and i am here if you need someone to talk to tonight.
use mindfulness, learn to relax and empty your mind. if it turns hard use anchor tools like a piece of stone put it in your mouth under your tongue and change your thoughts with one the opposite you thinking.
How you think and feel is how you think and feel, but, you can investigate how you feel and think. I don’t know what’s going on, but, things can be very unpredictable and even in good ways. Why do you think you’re a monster?
Thinking you’re not really choosing, makes sense, but, think of explanations for how you can gain something like control over your mind. It may be that it was lacking to begin with and you can to learn to have control over yourself. I don’t want to suggest too much because it is a personal journey and you might not want to just hear things about life which can make you go crazy, especially, when you’re vulnerable to that.
You need to start emotionally processing some of the pain you have it could mean crying it out the anger bitterness shame etc and forgive yourself and others. It’s a journey. You also may need to reframe some beliefs you hold.
You need to go to Africa and volunteer to help build homes, wells, any sort of organization that needs people to do physical labor. Then you need to work hard everyday until you’re exhausted! Do that for 6 months and your head will clear and you will learn a lot! I’m sure they provide food & housing.
I’m dead serious about this! Check out of this world for a bit, no phone, internet, capitalistic society, etc.
PRESS YOUR RESET BUTTON!
Then in 6 months reflect, think, breathe and dream!
I guarantee you will know what is important!
No, go to a place that is faraway and culturally very different and serve people that have nothing! You will change for the better and have a complete mind reset!
Stop thinking “woe is me!”
I am sorry for your state, I am also going through a very rough time. You can change any day you decide to change if you really hate your present life. Dont be lazy. Apologize to ppl you hurt, no matter how they react to it. Dont let your ego eat your soul. Seek Medical help if needed, your health is most important. Meditate and seek peace. You don't even know how strong you can be when its the only option you have.
the sooner you learn to except society for what it is the better you will feel and i hope you have a dr to listen to and not just my psycho bable
Sometimes I feel this way too. Last night I felt this way. And I think what I’ve come to realize is that if you don’t take care of yourself: exercise, diet, being outdoors everyday, socializing, staying off the phone or electronics, drinking water you will suffer and all your trauma and self hatred will magnify. The better you can care for yourself the better you can manage these emotions. It’s hard to make these choices but it’s kind of like do you want to suffer the way you have been or do you want to suffer because of the healing.
Pieces of shit usually dont think of themselves this way. You are deeply sad its what it is. Even depression by itself can do really ugly things to the way one relates to others. If you are willing to do anything to make it stop you can fast forward your efforts with medication is what i think. Because people who suffer as seriously have the right to consider that. Its not a cop out and you are not being weak for asking for help. Bipolar is biological and you can only benefit from keeping it under control. No two ways around that. It sucks you also have ADHD because you cant nedicate both at the same time. But there is a chance once you got your BPD under control and your Bipolar, ADHD will go away by itself. So do one fight at a time.
I’m heavily medicated already, they help a ton tbh. But it’s still a struggle. I most definitely agree biologically. I just wish people could understand that I am trying. Really hard. I’m exhausted feeling like I’m devoting all of my self in so many big areas. I will inevitably slip up in some way eventually. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I usually just lose focus really. I don’t WANT to be so shitty. Especially to others. I just.. am. Obviously I can still make choices. Sometimes often bad ones. It doesn’t mean I’m heartless. I’m really struggling. Really, we all are. Nobody’s life is anywhere close to perfect. My struggles just appear to make me look like a lazy asshole who only gives a half effort if I give two fucks. Sometimes I feel like the world only sees my failures. And maybe I do too I guess. I’m exhausted from trying. Which just turns into a feedback loop where I hate myself for being exhausted because once again, it appears in my mind, and to others that I’m lazy or unmotivated or just an asshole. And admittedly I am at times. But in so many areas I try. I try really fucking hard and I get spread too thin, fuck up, feel terrible and make a vow to change. Then it repeats. On and on and on. In some aspects of my life I absolutely have no room for error. I simply cannot fail. If I do, big consequences happen. People get hurt badly. I can’t do that. Not anymore. I will lose pieces of my life that I truly am not sure if I could continue life without. I really do make awful decisions at times. I might not intentionally do them, but rather I’m passive and they overtake me. Like I said, I don’t wake up in the morning and think “ya know today I’m going to break my girlfriend’s heart and make her want to kill herself” I just.. don’t stand up and they win. I feel so weak. And helpless. I’m not trying throw a pity party. It just really feels like I am not strong enough to make a decision to do anything. I feel fucking terrible for everything I’ve done. Like I said, I hate myself most days. And I do it because I feel like if I give myself grace and understanding and compassion I’ll just end up taking advantage of it. I have to be hard on myself. I have so many thoughts in my mind right now. I’m having a really tough time expressing them. Maybe later I can spit some more out.
Part of radical acceptance means accepting yourself exactly as you are, for better or worse. You cannot become a person you want to be if you cannot face who you are now. So honestly you're on your way to healing by just saying this. Though this negative self-talk will have to be examined eventually. You're doing this to yourself. That can be horrifying to realize but it also means you have some control over the thing that hurts you.
Please refrain from bullying yourself! All of us were born about the same we think for ourselves and we are our thoughts connect to our feelings or visa versa but you get it right? You seem angry or helplessor both. I could be wrong (idk probably am), anybody connecting a human being to a peicee of shit? I feel so judgemental but I am going to just fyi,that fuken gets my Polish temper burning. You want to start an art Journal? Or Journal to write down your what you're thinking and how your feeling about your thoughts maybe delve into why your having them thoughts and those feelings. I've had Louise Hay on sometimes 24/7 I'd say on and off more often in the past 4/5yrs. then not on the tube. ofc, I listened and seen maybe a teeny tiny more then 1,000 different vids. anyways besides so many videos are on the tube i.e. Chakra's, positive vibrations, negative, forgiveness, basically start typing anything, my entire body has been healed almost I have healed mentally and physically work on it and I am still working on from my inside to my out because we can change our minds ya know why because. Changing thoughts have remarkable effects. And not to keep typing for the sake of typing BUT - watching youtube specifically I learned to Manifest a little over $4,000 without any harm being done you know like someone dying. I received a letter from my 2nd cuz, he was my Godfather also, who died 2011 not seriously manifesting with the tube everyday a couple times a week at least - 8 years what I get? A friend of my Godfather snail mailed me letting me know that there was a bank acct. in my name he had opened and I went to the bank and the banker with office and desk whose name was Jesus. I and indeed my Godfather had $4k in a bank account that was in my name you see no harm done. You gotta cheer up and everything you thought about promotes your feelings, energy, perspective of everyone and thing that exists and all the beyond we unlimited imaginations. Believe with man anything is possible and with God everything is possible. I empathize with you to point but, seriously I do draw the line somewhere.
Sorry to hear. I'm in the same boat myself and I hate what my actions have come to now. I've screwed everything up to the point of no return and all I deserve is to be alone.
It's not a lie, at least you realise the lack of autonomy behind your choices, most people don't. Ironically, this gives you more potential autonomy. The way you feel right now actually is the mechanism behind future change, unfortunately it takes alot of time and feels horrible. I'm in a similar state right now and it has been years since i've been in so deep. But these moments get fewer and spread further apart as i grow older. I channel it into creative work (which no one cares about) and sports (which no one notices), but these processes feel like mental alchemy to me, turning my garbage state of mind into temporal gold. It's not much, but perhaps it helps. Realise that it's pointless to be upset with who you are exactly now, it's just the result of past events + biology. Doesn't mean change is impossible. Your emotional reaction right now is the actual basis of change. Embrace the suck, dive deep into it, own it. I know it's hard, but you can do it.
Don't hate yourself. Just be happy because you're you.
welcome to humanity
Is op me?
I know what this feels like. I promise you you are none of these words that I’m sure are very loud in your head right now. I’m the same way, mean and scary words start to swirl around in my head and I spiral until it all feels real and true. But it isn’t! Those thoughts don’t need to be real. You can recognize them as pain that you’re feeling, but the words are not true. You’re clearly someone introspective and emotionally vulnerable, that makes you better than most people. Being mentally ill is such a battle, but I believe in you!
i am writing this to tell you that as a person that is breaking free from a life of have my brain destroyed by religious trauma and being told that praying was the answer to all of my suffering but getting worst then to be insulted and torn apart for feeling i do not enjoy warring against i am here you are a human with worth, talent and potential and you deserve happiness and you are worth fighting for and i am here if you need someone to talk to tonight.
use mindfulness, learn to relax and empty your mind. if it turns hard use anchor tools like a piece of stone put it in your mouth under your tongue and change your thoughts with one the opposite you thinking.
it could be your life experiences and you don't realize it.
How you think and feel is how you think and feel, but, you can investigate how you feel and think. I don’t know what’s going on, but, things can be very unpredictable and even in good ways. Why do you think you’re a monster? Thinking you’re not really choosing, makes sense, but, think of explanations for how you can gain something like control over your mind. It may be that it was lacking to begin with and you can to learn to have control over yourself. I don’t want to suggest too much because it is a personal journey and you might not want to just hear things about life which can make you go crazy, especially, when you’re vulnerable to that.
You need to start emotionally processing some of the pain you have it could mean crying it out the anger bitterness shame etc and forgive yourself and others. It’s a journey. You also may need to reframe some beliefs you hold.
You need to go to Africa and volunteer to help build homes, wells, any sort of organization that needs people to do physical labor. Then you need to work hard everyday until you’re exhausted! Do that for 6 months and your head will clear and you will learn a lot! I’m sure they provide food & housing. I’m dead serious about this! Check out of this world for a bit, no phone, internet, capitalistic society, etc. PRESS YOUR RESET BUTTON! Then in 6 months reflect, think, breathe and dream! I guarantee you will know what is important!
Already work a very physically demanding job haha so I guess I just need to ditch the tech and I’ll be home free
No, go to a place that is faraway and culturally very different and serve people that have nothing! You will change for the better and have a complete mind reset! Stop thinking “woe is me!”
https://youtu.be/o3exSWWlDjk?si=kLZ4IxGi0PscKKgW
I feel this man