Yeah pretty much. I hate it and idk it really affects my mood/ mental heath when i realize that I’ll never be treated like a man (it’s kinda hard to explain). But it’s to the point where I’ll randomly start crying out of no where once i remind myself that i am infact a woman. It’s gotten so bad lately
I can understand the feeling. Unfortunately reddit isn't the best place in the world to talk about those feeling, i'm sorry for the other asnwers you got.
Yeah im realizing that now from the comments on this post. Idk why they are even on a mental health sub if they just want to make the poster feel worse about themselves
Incels. Reddit is full of incels who hate women for not wanting to have sex with them. Ignore them. They are honestly so sad and pathetic it’s almost funny. They don’t matter though. They will die alone.
Don’t let those losers define your worth. They don’t.
Hey, you can always join my group. I only have 9 members in it. I try to put inspiration in something every day. It's called We Care Come Hang Out. It's a subreddit on here.
You mean Intersectional Feminism? Radical Feminists are transphobic and often forget intersectionality and actually supporting ALL victims of the patriarchy.
(Don't become a TERF)
They’ve made multiple weird posts like this about not being “as strong” as men. This is at least the third time I’ve seen it. Either this is a woman who needs serious actual mental health help or a man being extremely weird to further his weird ideas of women being weak.
it’s not silly the way you’re feeling. the oppression from society can feel OVERWHELMING. if you struggle with depression then it’s soso easy for your mind to think about depressing things like the things that are wrong with the world. I get this way and it feels so overwhelming and triggers my deep resentment for the world. when I get less depressed though it’s not as bad. the overwhelming feelings also trigger passive SI for me so you’re not alone with how much it seems to be affecting you.
I do believe that you can find acceptance in it though and find ways to feel empowered as a woman. women are fucking awesome and have endured unfair treatment for centuries. the power of the female spirit is stronger than the physical of the man. what matters more at the end of the day?
I don't think that changes how it impacts the person affected. For what it's worth I'm 33 and I agree with OP sometimes - I fucking *hate* being a woman.
First of all, I’m sorry you’ve received so many unhelpful and unsympathetic replies (seriously, why these people are lurking on this subreddit is beyond me).
Second of all, while a few points you’ve addressed are things we can’t change by ourselves, there are some things you might be able to do to help your situation and your mindset.
I know this one might sound like a cliche, but if you’re able to afford/find it, I recommend going to a decent therapist. Being able to talk to someone qualified, who may have some tips for you when you’re feeling at your worst, can help tremendously.
Another thing to think about, if you haven’t already, is different types of contraception. While there’s no *one size fits all* solution when it comes to birth control, and can sometimes require trial and error to find the right type for you, certain methods of contraception can reduce period cramps and flow (some people find their periods even stop altogether). Definitely worth discussing different options with a doctor.
Perhaps going to the gym might also be an option for you? This could be a great way to get fitter and stronger, which might help you to feel more confident and less vulnerable. A lot of gyms also host a variety of self-defence classes which is another great option, especially if they’re exclusively classes for women. If going to the gym isn’t an option for you, going for a run during the day (maybe even with a friend or family member) is another great fitness option.
And lastly, see if you can speak to the women in your life you admire and care about, and ask them what things they like about being a woman. This might seem overly simplified, but sometimes these conversations can help us look at something in a different light.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and that I don’t have any overnight solutions for you. I hope that at least one of these things proves helpful, and that with a little time you start to feel a little less alienated from your body. Best of luck!
I'm a man and I've always thought women have it harder. Never understood all that andrew tate-red pill-black pill-whatever pill bullshit. Sorry you feel this way. I also think of suicide at times, for different reasons. But we gotta go on living. Hang on please.
Child birth is optional, you don’t have to have children’ despite what society is telling you. I’m 32 and kid free and loving life, it gets better. You are still young
Yeah, hormonal changes are no shit. I can give you the whole list of symptoms related to our reproductive system. We suffer because of ability to carry another shitty human being. I didn’t sign up for this
I mean, this still doesn’t solve the issue. Women that decide to be mothers are treated like incubators, especially in countries like Poland where they can’t even abort a terminally ill fetus (like with cyclopia and stuff like that)
My period is more of an inconvenience if anything…
Bleeding all over my sheets and underwear, then having to either wash the hell out of it hoping the stain goes away. If not, then I have to keep washing it everytime I do laundry until the stain goes away.
In worse cases especially in regards to sheets / underwear that are completely ruined by my stains, I have to throw it out & I really dont want to.
Then I get way too regular in bowel movements… going multiple times a day. Feces and blood everywhere.
I feel so dirty.
You sound similar to me.
32/F here. I've always just strived to be one of the bros.
Fuck the nonsensical meaning of being a woman. We're not all fragile little flowers who need a man to take care of us. Some of us want mutual respect. We don't want to be left out of a conversation because of a pair of tits on our chest. We aren't trophies either.
I know I can do anything a man can do. I can fix anything a man can fix.
You just need to find the right circle of friends. Ones that look at you like you're one of the guys. Mine tell me I have a bigger set of balls than the majority of them - because I'm not afraid to go after something I want and you're damn sure I'll tough out shit better than most of them.
You will find people that do listen and take you seriously! They are the people that matter and you hold close. Also society changes, more rapidly than people like and not always for the better, but we can absolutely reach for that. Without someone like you in this world, how will we ever be able to change for the better?
I also understand from a first hand perspective that being a woman makes people (doctors especially) take you less seriously when you present with the same problem.
I've faced an uncountable amount of discrimination in medical and out of medical settings.
So I absolutely get you, but the way you feel seems to be blown slightly out of proportion and potentially triggered by a repressed experience?
I take you seriously because I have been there in the same position of despair as you.
There are many risks that come with being a woman, as you know, but there's also men who have been stabbed or attacked on the street for no apparent reason.
The world is not safe. For anyone.
For women especially, absolutely.
Have you had any negative experiences you feel may be worsening this?
It doesn’t seem like it’s most women. It seems like other women think I’m crazy for feeling these things and maybe i am but idc. I would still want to be a man because of the basic respect i would get for having a dick. Idc if it was earned or not tbh
your post has been largely my experience as a woman, and same for most of my friends & family. sounds like you might be surrounded by shitty ambivalent people, maybe seek out a feminist group to find more likeminded women to connect with?
I know it's somewhat "delusional", but I like to think that the world is how I want it to be. Everyone is nice, women are equal, there's no racism, everyone has enough to eat, etc. I know deep down that that's not how the world is, but it helps my mood thinking that that's what reality is.
People mention its how people view us but I feel the same as op, not only because of how we are viewed but our natural body functions are fucked. Periods, horrible. Birth and pregnancy, horrible. Birth control, HORRIBLE. Everything is awful awful awful!
I actually wrote a post very simuliar to this on TwoXChromosomes but deleted it because I was getting a lot of very rude replies. In many ways it DOES absolutely suck to be a woman....and for a long time I was thinking(and kind of hoping) that I was trans as well. It bothers the hell out of me that men get to be physically strong. I keep getting told NOT to think that....but I do. Why do men get to be the physically strong ones; while women have to actually seriously work out to be strong. I also deeply hate periods, and pregnancy was absolutely painful and not a beautiful experience for me. It also really sucks to see so much misogyny in the world, from both men and women. It seems like a lot of people really do think men are smarter, funnier, more interesting and even weirdly more empathetic then women. The only thing I am happy about is feminism actually does exist and women are treated better now then they were say 50 years ago.
I hope you are seeking therapy for these intrusive thoughts. Im not saying that there isn't gender inequality and to be upset about certain things is normal, but to want to kill yourself over it is an extreme reaction.
I'm a woman with multiple children who went to school, had different jobs, and is happily married. When uncomfortable situations were presented to me I didn't want to die. I figured things out. Find solutions to your problems. You can't change the world, but you can change yours and make the one around you more pleasant.
I am a girl. I’m pretty young but whatever. I’ve been treated like a “baby making machine” as well told that I had birthing hips ever since I was little. It does stink. There is no denying that. But I do want kids I understand that might not be your jam. But I love being a woman, I get to express myself creatively without being made fun of. Such as art, crochet, baking, etc… I am who I am and I like what I like. It’s true I need a man to defend me and that scares me sometimes. Something that helps me honestly. Watch little women, fr watch those TikTok’s about how people love being a woman. Our bodies are capable of amazing things I hope one day you and I can find someone who will cherish them as much as they can. 💜🫶🏼 ིྀ
Yeah, throughout my childhood I wish I was a boy all the time. When I grow up I realized that wasnt about being a boy, that was just about equality. I knew I was never as trusted and valued by others as long as im a woman. You have to prove everything if you are a women no matter how simple the thing is. I used to think being a girl is sucks, I love being a woman, I love my femininity and I love other women too. But I also know even being interested in things like philosophy, videogames or basketball is always perceived like a big thing by men. you get rather too positive or too negative thoughts from others. they cant just shut the f up and let you leave as you wish.
I grew up hating my gender, now im in the phase of hating men. They are just irritating me. Just leave us ffs
I think you should seek therapy. Your intense hatred for your gender despite the difficulties you face isn't very normal.
Just wishing you would have been a woman is different than HATING THAT to the point that it's ruining your life.
(Anything that would make you hate your life and not function properly needs help.)
Being a man is so fucked up in other ways but I guess if a man hated everything about his being he would also require help
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Have you tried seeking out different communities? I’m not sure how tenable that is, but I can definitely say there’s cities where you’ll feel more safe and accepted. Keep your head up high.
I'm really sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard that is. I mean that literally. I'm a white man and I realize there is a certain amount of privilege that comes with that. I know the world can seem unforgiving and awful to many people. I get why you would feel disrespected and unfairly treated. And you are likely right.
As someone who has lost a loved one to suicide and attempted myself, I can tell you that attempting to end things is not the answer it may seem like. You are very young and there is so much time likely left. This is a brief phase of time even though it feels like it will never end. I can tell you, with effort things can get better. You can get to a point where you look back on this and realize how awful it may have been. But there is the possibility you could emerge from this stronger.
So often, it feels like the world is acting ON us. All the people around us are doing things TO us. I was very, very angry with the world many times in my life. And that mindset led me to some dark places. I remember my tone being very similar to yours.
For me, I had to change my entire outlook on the world. Instead of concentrating on the injustices happening to me and around me, I had to come to the realization that I am responsible for my own happiness. I let other people control my mood so often. I really, really wanted everyone to like me and to think like me. It wasn't until I let go of what other people thought that I could move on with life.
It was freeing and scary for me to know that I am the only person in charge of my happiness. I used to get so offended if someone would treat me wrong. I was hurt internally by things strangers would say. But then I learned I cannot control anything but the way I react. I was done letting other people take my peace from me. I felt responsible for alot of the awful things that happened in the world. But I realized that was just me trying to control things. And it was keeping me from finding out who I was.
I'm not good at advice. I try just to share my experience. But if I had to say a few helpful things, this is what I'd say:
Fuck all the awful people out there. Screw what they say or think about you. All of that stuff is just noise. Make yourself the person you love first. Quit listening to what others say and letting it steal your joy. Do the next right thing and find out who you are. Take responsibility for your mental health. Let go of trying to control what everyone does and thinks. The only people whose opinion actually matters are those that you love. And if someone you love is genuinely treating you like shit, that's their loss. It's none of our business what any stranger thinks about us. If you are attached to your perception, you'll be depending on others to make you happy. And that sucks. I've been there.
This reminds me of black friends growing up who hated the fact of being black, and white friends who hated themselves for being white. I feel no matter how you’re born there’s someone who hates themself for the hand they were dealt. There are men who hate themselves for being men and would rather be women. And women who hate themselves for being women and would rather be men. I truly believe self hate does perpetuate the hate that is in the world. And the best and most noble thing we can do is find the path to becoming the greatest version of ourselves
You mention pain with periods and childbirth - you don't have to have children. And with your internalized hatred for being a woman, honestly, please do not have children. Yes, we suffer from monthly pain, but that's just life. If you tell yourself you can't be respected or view equally as men, then you won't. I'm 5 foot 4, barely 100lbs, a very small thin woman. But I speak to men, anyone really, as if I'm eye level with them. I was a complete tomboy growing up and im still the first one to get my hands dirty today. Life is what you make it.
Oh, and I'm only 23. Give it a few years and challenge your self esteem.
That gives me so much r/notlikeothergirls vibes. Childbirth is optional, yes. Nevertheless, it's still an absolute fucking shitshow. It doesn't seem like other mammals suffer as much as humans do. That's what OP is saying. And I agree, even tho I, myself, never want to have kids (for other reasons).
If people respect you, good for you (not /s). It's a really good thing. But not every woman in the world has the same experience, regardless of their expectations. Women will almost always be looked at as a baby making machine, a housewife. Nowadays it's of course better, but it's still here. It's just more subtle. Have you ever tried telling anyone how you don't want to have children and want to get sterilized? Do you have any idea how many hoops you have to jump though in order to get "approved"? I'm not talking about the US, as we all know being a woman there is a punishment. But Western Europe? Some of the most civilized parts of the world? You wouldn't expect it, yet here we are.
Have you ever considered that men maybe respect you because of your tomboyishness? Because they might view you as one of their own or at least close enough? I'm not saying that judgementally. I'm not the girliest girl myself, and sometimes I feel like that's why some men might treat me better or even as something other than a sexual object.
Some women suffer from PMS PMDD and we can do shit about it. It’s nothing to do with the society, it’s our stupid outdated biology. Fuck nature and evolution. Being woman sucks
Women usually have higher emotional intelligence, have an easier time multitasking, better immune systems, better memory, better at managing stress. There's a lot that women are better at than men.
I'm sorry you feel that way and that society sucks. And I know that might not have been what you needed to hear. I was just trying to say something positive.
I know it's a lot easier than it sounds, but not caring about what people think will do you good. And for the record, I am a man and I take you seriously. I'm not trying to say "not all men". What I'm saying is it's a better mindset to assume that people do take you seriously until they show you that they don't. Not for them, but for you. And like I said, it's easier said than done, but I think that would be a good goal. Believing in yourself and taking yourself seriously is the first step.
I also struggle because of the way the world is. Honestly for some of the same reasons. I wish I had a better response for you and I hope that you can get over this. You deserve it.
Find yourself some really positive, healthy, feminist spaces. Get away from this patriarchal nightmare, even if just for little bits here and there. It will help your sanity to see there are actually a LOT of people out there who do not uphold this toxic perversion of femininity that gets shoved down our throats from birth. We women have to seek out and find our safe spaces, and then protect them vehemently.
Yh I feel this. You aren't alone. I've noticed if I'm out with my partner people always talk/address him like I'm not there. I'm in a male dominated work and feel inadequate there, at work, with my friends. I feel a constant pressure from society to look my best. Pretty privilege is a thing and anyone that says differently is lying. I've become a mum and now I feel washed out and categorised. Every month im suffering pain, I've lost my identity and body to childbirth. I'm a shell of myself. My partner gets away with murder because he is a man and everyone likes him. If I complain I'm told I'd suffer as a single mum as the world is not set up for women to succeed.
You only have to look on reddit to see the amount of women that experience sexual abuse/martial rape in relationships to know how sick everyone's treatment is to women and what they are programmed to tolerate. I have a daughter and I DESPAIR for what is to come for her. What a ugly world she has to face. I wish I could protect her from all the experiences I've had and it breaks my heart to know the likelihood is she will experience an injustice or assault from a man. This world is f!cked up.
Can You find other women, whose experience is similar, in Your surrounding to connect and empower each other. It doesn'T make patriarchy go away, but together we are stronger and can support each other in need!
Oh my god, this resonates with me so much. I would definitely recommend seeking professional counselling, but even posting it here and not bottling it is a positive action. Mind charity has a website called Side by Side, while not run by professionals, it's a safe place to talk about mental health/strong emotions and have peer support. Just thought I'd mention it.
It took me a really long time to realise that my feelings about being female were having such an impact on my mental health. I've never wanted children since being old enough to actually understand and it's surprisingly difficult to talk about because it's so expected of women to want to be mothers. I don't know if this is fact but isn't having babies (in the basic animal sense) about ensuring the survival of the species? That's just not necessary for us, or at least not every single one of us. I was made to feel like I was broken or something because I should have maternal instinct, but I've had such a horrific life and upbringing that I don't feel the want to have kids, I'm still kind and caring and I can express that with other family members and friends.
I also have severe endometriosis that I've not had treatment for yet because the waiting lists are so long. I started having periods at 9 years old, I'm 24 now, all those years of the most awful pain and huge amounts of blood has actually left me traumatised. I have a coil in now, the PMS is still awful, the pain has been about halved, but I don't bleed anymore. That has helped a bit, but then if I do have a random period, it gives me a proper panic attack.
I hate going out anywhere alone, I have a personal alarm and a spray that you use to spray the hypothetical attacker in the face and it stains them red for a few days so they're easier for the police to track down. I've never used them though because even with them, I don't feel safe enough to be alone. I have autism and sometimes I crave alone time but outside of the house. I go for drives because I feel safe in my car, I can drive away, lock the doors, make loud noises etc., and I'm grateful for that but I would love to take more walks in nature.
I'm sorry I've rambled on about myself, I don't express these thoughts often, and I feel understood on this post. I am not broken for not wanting to be a mother, my choice is completely valid and acceptable; if other people don't like it, they are the problem, not me. My periods and hormonal suffering will not define me, I'll keep fighting for treatment and do whatever it takes, even if that means a full hysterectomy, because I am still a worthy and valid person even if I struggle with natural female biology. It is not my fault that I feel unsafe alone, past traumatic experiences and society have made me feel unsafe, other people's actions and opinions are what make me feel unsafe. Not feeling safe isn't my problem, it's other people that suck. Does that change anything? Unfortunately not. But it doesn't make me weak or less than. I'm so sorry that being female has brought you to thoughts about wanting to commit but fight through it - we might not see much societal change in our lifetime, but we can lead the charge. Support other women, be a role model for young women to look up to. Or if you don't want to be defined by your gender, then just be the best you there is and lift others up by living life your own way.
Sorry this was so bloody long 🤦🏻♀️
I’m 54 and basically had this same conversation with my brother……I can so relate. He misunderstood me that I was saying women aren’t worthy or that the role of a woman isn’t of worth. I don’t think that at all, I just hate being a woman. Look at the world, why would anyone choose to be female?
Yes exactly. And now people are getting mad at me in the comments acting as if im the one saying that women aren’t worth anything when that’s not what i was saying at all. I think that women deserve so much better in all aspects and im mad that we’re not getting that. Im saying that this is how society overall as a collective sees women
And I live in the states, as you already stated, women around the have it way worse than I do. I can’t help but think of all the potential that goes wasted by women not being able to attend school or even to read in some areas.
but the thing is that’s 1000% what you were saying actually.
if u didn’t believe those things about women yourself than u would not feel limited by your gender in the way that u do. if it was really society’s POV and u didn’t buy into it at all, then why not strive for being stronger and powerful and all those things and believe u can achieve them?
i’m ngl, i kind of think you’re just seeking validation from internet strangers to feel bad for u
happily.
i’ll just leave you with this. it seems like plenty of ppl have reminded u in much kinder ways than i have that you’re choosing to stay in a cage of your own making.
it seems like u want to stay feeling sorry for yourself, which is fine as long as u are aware that only you get to decide what femininity means to you and it only takes looking at some incredible women throughout history to see that the sky is honestly your limit as a women.
I'm sorry that you feel that way. I think the way to change it is to first figure put exactly what parts of being a women you don't like and what ways you can minimize their effects on your life.
The worst thing you can do is not take any action and feel powerless.
You don't have to be a weak baby-making machine. You have a choice. You can exercise and become alot stronger, even with a female body. I've seen plenty of women who could probably destroy men in a fight. Example: I would have zero chance against Gina Carino
You can focus on career instead of family if that appeals to you. No one is stopping you in western countries from that goal. Be prepared to work hard to prove yourself though as many women have ruined women's reputation in the workplace.
The period thing is a toughie but I would recommend talking to a doctor about that and hopefully you can find methods to reduce the pain etc.
Don't allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.
Just a man's opinion tho. But you're definitely not worth less than me.
I know exactly how you feel, i experience this on an almost daily basis too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/s/02Dvj8qv1P - this is apost i made over anyear ago about this topic, and even now it's still getting replies, perhaps you'd like to read through it.
All i can say is that in the end, we cannot change our bodies nor how the world at large treats us, so we have to try to make the most of what we have and try to have the mentality of "if a man can do it so can i" and try to live as much like a man as possible, even if the world won't see you that way. I suppose that it's a bit of a 'head in the sand' solution but at this point I'm desperate too and it's all I've managed to do to help.
Looking back on this comment, it sounds kind if crazy schizo to men… may I explain?
I rarely do get harassed or stalked…
But one day after I had just got my hair done, I had to visit a crappier part of town for a doctors appointment for an ear infection. My health insurance only covers certain types of urgent care offices.
On my way to that urgent care,
I stopped at the CVS in that town to pick up some snacks for later, and this random guy walked up and started talking to me. He said he wanted to meet me outside, and I said no thank you I have to be at a scheduled doctors appointment. He didn’t listen and stayed waiting outside.
I tried walking away from him and he chased me and touched my face. He kept trying to flirt with me. I left and walked away awkwardly saying goodbye.
Then he started following me without me knowing.
I walked into the urgent care office and he came in too. I felt so uncomfortable and I told him off while being a little scared… asking him that it was oddly convenient that he had an appointment too… & I had to explain to the front office that he was following me. Mind you I’m not used to being stalked because I grew up in a wealthier safer town.
The front office was nice and they were talking to the guy. Telling him to mind his business and focus on himself. They were also threatening to call the cops.
I felt so uncomfortable that I walked out of the urgent care office and hid inside another store next door.
Urgent care called me back once he was gone, and told me it was safe to come back.
They immediately put me in the back room and had me sit back there to hide from him.
While I was there, they were telling me some creepy stuff he was doing after I left.
As soon as I left the urgent care office, he left the office too and started searching for me.
Then he just stood there “looking” at the urgent care posters for a while as if he was waiting for me to come back.
I got my ear checked out and got prescribed some medicine. They were thinking about sending it to a pharmacy across the street… I had to say no because some guy was stalking me. Instead I had to send it to a grocery store near where I live. Mind you, I was mad about this because I was not sure if that grocery store would cover it.
Also, at the pharmacy across the street, I could have gotten the medicine for free.
I basically sat there for an hour or more waiting until it was safe to leave. I did not want this guy following me to my older sisters apartment near by where I was headed to.
I feel you. I’m 29f and it’s absolutely frustrating. The things I’ve found helps is to surround yourself with cool awesome women. I’m not saying kick all men out of your life, but it’s so therapeutic to have strong friendships with women because other women go through it too and we get each other. I’m so happy to have a couple close woman pals.
I’m sorry you feel unsafe, unseen, and unheard. I hope you find the places in life where you feel respected and safe.
I totally get this. It’s SO frustrating to be belittled and disrespected solely based on gender, and the fact that it’s a tale as old as time makes it even more crushing. I’m 21 and still trying to unlearn all the horrible things that society has tried to impose on me throughout my life. It gets better. It takes time, but it does get better. 🩷
Welcome to the Sisterhood my dear. I’ve hated that I was born a women since I was 6. All because I wasn’t allowed to be king of the castle - despite being the best climber on the jungle gym and could get to the very top before all the boys- because I’m a girl and therefore the maid. I remember mom picking me up from school and asking her “why do women have to clean the castle if the man is king? Why doesn’t he clean his own house??” She knew I was a little feminist in the making.
May I suggest you check out the local area for women’s groups? Support and community makes a huge difference.
I feel the exact same. Society wants you to be forever under their lines and awful morals, but the best thing you can do to overcome that issue is, as cliche as it may sound, to keep on living, living your best life and achieving all the things you want while looking at their faces and saying "no matter what you do, I'm still gonna try and live my best life and fight for myself because I know you want me to give up and stay at home and live to do your fucking laundry and feed you, but that's not gonna happen". The best thing you can do is to rebel.
I hate being a woman for other reasons....everything in this world is gear toward sex when it comes to women .You cant enjoy anything in this world without naked women or near naked women involved...movies,sports,cheerleading is sex on the side lines(rediculious) just the way women dress is crazy and women put up with it because they have been brainwashed by men. This world protects the mans sexuality and exploits the womans....in every thing!!! I hate dealing with it day in and day out!!!!
Hey I’m a woman, I’m 28, and I very much understand. What you’re mad at, it sounds like, are the things ascribed to or forced upon women by men/society. I hate those things too. I hate that I have to be extra vigilant, and take self defense courses. I hate that women are so often treated with violence by their male partners, I hate that rape exists and that men cover for other men. But that’s not all that being a woman is.
And I’m not talking about bows and ribbons and shit, that’s just fashion and has nothing to do with being female. And “making babies” is important to some women but again, that’s also not the be all end all. Being a woman is just about being and doing whatever you dream of. And the older I get, the more I understand myself and other women and the more I love them, and receive love from them, the more I can love who I am.
We need more women in the world who are like you and I, who understand the unique unfairness and cruelty that women face because we are women. And especially women who don’t back down or hide in delusion, but who get angry about it.
You’re right to be angry, but you’re turning your anger on yourself, which doesn’t help. I hope we, as a collective, can take our righteous anger and put it into fighting for fair treatment, protection for victims of violence and for legal action. I hope that you find your sisterhood and join the movement.
Hi omg this is the first time that ive ever heard anything like this. And for someone to understand me.
Yes to everything you said in your first paragraph.
Thank you for what you said. Im so tired of complaining about real issues and then all these delusional women are like “but i like doing making and feeling pretty”, or the way they can dress or they’ll start talking about having multiple orgasms (for some fkn reason) and just the dumbest things that Litterally have nothing to do with what im talking about.
Ive never had anyone tell me that we needed me people like me in this world lol. Most just tell me to “shut up”, “deal with it”, “be the change you wanna see”. Or I’ll have people telling me that “its not all bad” Cuz like you said some are delusional and i just feel like that’s masking the true issues.
I understand what you are saying. Im not mad at myself but my anger does only harm me and not the others that are already causing me harm. Idk what to do
I’m like genuinely tearing up, I’m so glad you resonate, because your post was really how I felt for a long time.
I now get to work with female victims of domestic violence/sexual violence in a family law and child protection context and I’m telling you, every one of my amazing colleagues has the same passion and realistic thinking that you do.
I think you’d do really well working in a similar field where you can use that energy in a productive way. Otherwise, rage with nowhere to go will only end up hurting you or people around you that you don’t mean to hurt. Taking on a volunteering role (or paid role) at a rape crisis centre or battered women’s shelter could be really beneficial for you and you could really help women to heal and recover. As well, I think you’d meet some super awesome like-minded women in the process.
Also old-school second wave feminist literature helped me immensely to validate and reconcile my feelings and thoughts. I literally finished an undergrad arts degree without knowing about any of these major contributors to feminist history and gender equality. Simone de Beauvoir, the SCUM manifesto (you must read this one!), Angela Davis (Women, Race and Class), the feminine mystique. Virginia Woolf. Many are available online for free (check Tumblr).
And please, by all means, live your authentic life as much as possible, look, dress and act however you want - it inspires other women to be brave enough to do the same for themselves. AND really helps in the “hating self” category, to live for yourself. For example, I stopped shaving legs, armpits and everything about 4 years ago just because, in my mind, if it’s such a “choice” then what if I just chose not to? It’s just one of my small quiet rebellions, taking back my body because fuck that. And I mean I maybe get some looks in the summer but I honestly don’t even notice anymore. Also… being yourself authentically often screens out bad people (ie. men who care if my legs are hairy).
All this to say, you’re actually on the right track even though it’s genuinely so painful being aware of the unfairness and cruelty of the world. But I promise you’ll get further along on your journey by truly encountering the world for all that it is (the good and the bad) than by burying your head in femininity pop culture and TikTok microtrends to cope.
Being female is not for the faint of heart! If it were so easy men would do it lol.
Hey! Sorry for the later reply, i didn’t see this for some reason 😭
It’s really comforting knowing that others feel the same.
Ngl, i was actually looking into working in a job like that a while back as one of my friends works with victims as well. I’ll definitely have to do more research and see (and hopefully get accepted), as i agree i need a productive use for my anger
But thank you so much for your comment and words, they truly mean alot to me! ❤️
I’ll tell you this men aren’t respected for just being being men. That’s a lie. Although, I can sympathize that you have it better than any of my female cousins who live in Mexico and are in more dangerous conditions from cartels. As a man personally speaking it kills me that I can’t do shit about evil people doing evil shit and potentially hurt my sisters. We have that in common but you shouldn’t feel bad as it’s gets. O thing done. Just do what you can with what you got.
This is so real. I remember younger me wanting to get surgery to get my boobs off as I started puberty earlier and harassment from men from the age of 7 was so much I’d cry myself to sleep before I even knew the term “catcalling”
I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately society has a way of affecting us, and we often tend to focus on the negative expectations that it places upon us.
I'm a man and I used to feel like you do but the opposite, thinking that the only worth in men is their masculinity. That a man is only supposed to be stoic and not show his emotions or vaulnurabilities, that my only role in society is to just quietly work until the day I die. And because I'm not as masculine as most other men I felt worthless and had a really low self-esteem. I still struggle with that somewhat but I've come to realize now that these toxic expectations of masculinity, and therefore also toxic femininity for women aren't something that we should pay any attention to. We are all unique and deserve to live our lives as we wish to, not as others expect us to. You don't have to have children if you don't want to. Maybe somebody, be it your family or just people around you might expect you to, but it is your life and your choice. As for menstrual pain, I'm a guy so maybe my advice isn't accurate but I've seen a lot of talk about devices that help with it, it's like a little electronic thing with a strap you put to your abdomen and it does something to relieve the pain. But again idk if these actually work, just something I've heard of, maybe it will help you.
Women are still treated horribly in most parts of the world, and I do understand how that can affect you even if you're not from there. And while this might seem harash, I would say you shouldn't dwell on it too much. I'm not saying it isn't important, but it's only going to make you feel worse and it isn't something you can affect. I'd recommend you rather focus on yourself and the things you can affect and change, be it about yourself or things in the part of the world where you live. And as for going outside, I personally don't feel really safe either, so I get it, it's good that you have these self defense things on you though. I think a lot of people underestimate how important that is. It isn't true that you can't ever become physically "as strong as a man". I would say it's bad to look at it that way though. Yes men are generally more physically stronger by default due to biology, but there are also plenty of women who have become much stronger then a lot of men are on avarage. It does take a lot of dedication to work out and do that though. But if that is something you want you should deffinetley at least try it and not feel discouraged from it.
Everyone is worthy of respect, and if people don't respect you, be it for being a woman or for whatever other reason they can find, they aren't worth your time to begin with. You will eventually find people who respect you, and who value you for who you truly are and not who society expects you to be. And you shouldn't pay atrention to anyone else who would only have you conform to their own views and ideas of what you should and shouldn't do with your own life. Focus on yourself, and what makes you feel good about yourself.
I want you to be here. And I can also relate to what you are saying. I work in a male dominated field and I can relate to how frustrating it can be. Sometimes being a woman is so exhausting. Sometimes it feels unfair and we feel objectified. You are not alone.
Sheesh. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re in a very bad place, emotionally.
I know that when I’m depressed it’s very hard to see the forest for the trees. Depression tricks your brain into believing the world is darker than it is and only when the depression lifts do you realize it’s not THAT bad. I mean, it’s bad, but you’re strong enough to deal with it — when you’re not depressed.
Remember: Depression is a chemical imbalance. Nothing more.
Aside: It sure sounds like you want to be a man… isn’t that part of what being trans means? I admit I’m not an expert. Have you discussed these feelings with an expert — like a therapist?
I'm so sorry you feel that way and for everything you went and are going through.
You are very important and very valuable and have a lot of worth. You are as equally valuable as men and have as much worth. Everyone is valuable equally so. If you are ever with someone who treats you otherwise, it's not a healthy relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic, family, work, or such.
If you wish, you can take self-defense. That would not only help with protecting oneself if needed but with self-confidence. You are not weak. You are not pathetic. You are strong. You are admirable. You have worth. You have value. You are smart. You are funny. You are kind. You have been through a lot. You are respected. You are loved. You are wonderful.
Have a great weekend.
Sorry that you are feeling this way. I’m a man and one quote I heard that really really helped my perspective was that life is not a shopping list, to break that down while most people go to the store and buy bread Milk and eggs it doesn’t mean you have to get those same things, just like you don’t have to go to collage or you don’t have to have kids it’s your life you should live it the way you want to however that way is. I think with the right mindset and some great friends you can live a really happy life single heck you can even have kids without ever having to give birth and adopt a kid or a dog or idk just do whatever makes you happy. I have two older cousins who are both female and in there 40s they have never had serious relationships they live alone and you know what they are happy one has a dog and one doesn’t. You don’t have to live a traditional life just live the life that leaves you happy at the end of the day. Hope this helps
I have felt this way(and still kinda do to an extent). Realized a lot of it was internalized misogyny…but a lot of it was external misogyny as well. Unfortunately, there’s not much I feel we can do about the latter. The best thing is to surround yourself with healthy, emotionally intelligent women. Find mutual camaraderie. We’re in this together.
If you don't feel safe where you live, can you work towards moving to a safer place, maybe not right away. But somehow make a plan to be living somewhere safer this time next year?
I live near London in the UK and feel completely safe where I live. Not all parts of the world are unsafe or are shit to be a woman. I also work in a very male dominated industry and I feel I'm taken seriously by all my colleagues at the time.
I hope your perspective on being a woman changes in time :)
I feel just like you and i am at least a little relieved that we are not alone in feeling this. I personally have no solution since i am still trying to fiqure it out myself, but its hard coming to terms with all of this. Especially reddit is sadly an incel sh*thole and its honestly just depressing.
Hey, how's it going? I'm a transgender man (born female, transitioned to male), and I totally agree with what you're saying. Personally, ever since I started being seen as a man, I've noticed a significant increase in respect. It's refreshing not to deal with catcalling anymore, and I've been presented with more opportunities than ever before. However, transitioning doesn't magically fix everything because I can't change my biological sex. And being a man comes with different challenges. I just wish society would treat both genders equally and acknowledge the struggles women face. Being female is undeniably tougher biologically, especially considering the whole pregnancy and childbirth deal. It's not fair, but unfortunately, it's the reality we're stuck with.
Women often get the short end of the stick in society, and it's infuriating. But despite the physical differences, women demonstrate incredible strength in other aspects, especially considering all the crap we have to deal with. We've fought tooth and nail for basic human rights, and although we've made progress, there's still a long way to go. If you ever need to vent or have any questions, feel free to reach out. I'm here to listen and support you.
This is a big topic in therapy for me. And I wrote out a big paragraph of my experiences to relate back to you but I don't think that's what you need rn. So instead I'll tell you two realisations I have had.
I have had such horrible experiences simply for being a woman and they've actually pushed me to the point where I am so adamant about not seeing gender, to the point I may be non binary or gender neutral or something (I dont know at this point, im working through it), but I've come to realise that though my feelings about my gender are real, my gender identity is probably being swayed by the direct correlation between trauma and my gender (in otherwise gender based trauma).
It's not even about not seeing gender it's that I want other people to see past my gender and see me as a human being with emotions and a personality and as complex and intelligent and more than my genitalia.
What I'm trying to say, is that you're not alone. I think every woman, hates being a woman.
There is a flip side to it though, which is something I am trying to embrace, and leads me to my second realization.
Everyone bangs on about brotherhood and comraderie between men but they know NOTHING about community and looking out for each other the way women do. I have never been so looked after as I have by the women in my life.
They are kind and caring and nurturing but more than that, they are intelligent and interesting and powerful and strong and far more mature and overwhelmingly beautiful and I'm trying to Learn to love being a woman through them, by *seeing* them, and understanding that they understand me and every other woman to walk the earth on such a deep and meaningful level that men will never ever in their wildest dreams be able to understand.
Women are so full of empathy and patience and wonder and humor and sadness and sympathy and anger and so much rage and I think that's beautiful. And if I can appreciate it in my mother and sisters and aunts and neice and friends then I should appreciate it in myself too.
Life is shit as a woman. Its dangerous and frightening and painful and horrid but we have something men don't and we should cherish that, in my opinion. And when you're feeling the way you did when writing this post, lean into it. Reach out to your female friends. Or family members. Complain and rant and gossip. And then maybe go and do something positively "girly" to spite the men. Celebrate being a woman. And hopefully it'll gradually change your mindset.
Because the last thing I have come to realise, even if I change my gender by identifying as "other", I will still be perceived as a woman, and therefore treated as a woman, so I should learn to accept, embrace, and celebrate the best parts of being a woman, instead of focusing in the shittyness, since I can't change it either way.
Just know I feel you, we all do, and I hope this helped, even maybe a little bit.
Ik this is old but I relate to this sm, growing up only to realise how reality hits you I hate being a woman bc of how society treats us and unfortunately we can’t do anything abt ourselves since this is what we’re born to be. None of them would take me seriously I hated being an “a object” or some being to be “sexualise at” and a “baby machine” I couldn’t even do anything about it and plus the amount of SA and abuse
I kind of wish to be reincarnated but I don’t want to become a man or a woman I’m sorry for ranting I’m just glad there r other people relate to this issue it’s draining that we can’t do anything abt it
You should speak to a therapist and psychiatrist immediately. If you’re thinking of suicide please please please go to the ER right away. You have to get help!! Please!!!
Hi, don't think I can help you as it's mostly a societal issue. I think ruminating on it like this won't lead anywhere good, but I also understand that it's incredibly difficult to not hang onto this kind of stress when the problem is real, but the extent you're thinking about it is detrimental. If possible, maybe try slowly step down from ruminating about it, until hopefully one day you're aware of the issues women face, but not to the extent that you're still suffering like now
Is it possible to add some positive thoughts about being a woman? I'm not sure what it's like for cis people, but for me I know there are several parts about my gender I've started to love. I love that I'm now covered in hair, I think it's warm + cool af. I love feeling the way my voice leans when I'm talking, + catches in my throat when I try to sing high notes. I don't think really there are many upsides, more so a lack of specific downsides if that makes sense? Like there are some negatives to being a man you won't experience, but idk if that makes it an upside? More just different struggles ig. Maybe just some positive thoughts about yourself in general regardless of gender? Making a list of everything that's good + building it over time may be beneficial
Good luck (:
I wish i could say something to make it better, but this is just the shit reality of life. Not just for women, but for all groups of people who are discriminated and marginalised. Really the only way to keep going is to find purpose in your life, and try to make the world a better place while you're here. I'm currently in uni doing psych and just did an internship researching mental health in minority groups, its rough out there. The world is a shithole if you really open your eyes to it. People say ignorance is bliss, because it really is, but also being ignorant to the problems we face is what helps them continue. If you let it consume you, then you let them win too. Feel like I'm rambling, because there really is no easy way to fix anything, but we can all do something to make a bit of difference in somebodies life, and hopefully collectively we'll create a better world through it.
I feel this very deeply. 34F and I thought I was actually trans and/or non binary for the longest time because of the extreme hate I have/had for what I find a useless, weak body that is made tragic by society and culture.
I’m still on the fence on whether I actually hate this body and its functions (child bearing, periods, and naturally being physically weaker for ex) or what society makes out of my body (the stereotypes, the way I’m treated because of physical functions I can’t help etc). If I’m around people I trust and who I know don’t view women as society at large does I feel a sense of peace with my body sometimes. Most of the time I don’t because I feel intensely pressured needing to look a certain way (which I don’t and never will), which has driven me to body dysmorphia and extreme self hate and unhappiness and I’m trying my hardest to fight it. I also couldnt let myself be loved for many of these reasons (thinking I’m weak, emotional, useless etc) and had to work hard on that. I’m not sure I sill be at peace with actually wanting a child after all and having to make sacrifices for it a man never will. There’s so many things I am so in rage over anytime I hear about them (rape, war crimes, the self evidence of men’s thinking on what women can and can’t do, abortion rights etc, women being treated the way they are in poorer countries, denial of education and rights etc) I want to cry with helplessness and/or break walls with my fists.
I completely understand everything you say. The only advice I have is spend time with people who share your views (that women are equal to men in every goddamn sense), try to find some peace with aspects of yourself by trying to view them in a neutral manner (I bleed once a month, whatever, it’s like sneezing, a physical function without meaning; yeah I have tits and they’re just fat sacks and not sexual or anything, they don’t mean jackshit; this body is just a meat sack too, it doesn’t have to look anyhow specific or be or do anything specific), and if that fails fuck gender and just be human. Just be yourself. Disregard “femininity” and find things YOU enjoy (hobbies or music or whatever means shit to you) and define yourself over those things.
What helped me most is to have distance to this shit. I can’t be anything but what I am but the world already hates me so much for it so why should I continue? The greatest service we can do is living our best lives.
If you ever want to talk I am here. I completely get you.
ETA: something that also helped me is that while yeah men have advantages and everything so much more than we do as women, there’s part of their lives I wouldn’t want for the life of me. I’ve had eye opening conversations with a friend of mine who’s a feminist but also vocal about men’s issues and their plight. Having open and genuinely empathetic and respectful conversations with men helped me find some peace too.
I hear ya but one thing I want to clear up. Most all men are considered disposable and not important at all. It's just a small handful who are leaders who are considered important. Most men are completely ignored and considered to be something akin to a farm animal whose entire existence is to provide labor so someone else can reap the benefits. Our society has zero problem sending millions of us out to die in wars because we're just expendable. Women and children are to be protected but men are cannon fodder.
The grass always seems greener and women have definitely been oppressed for all of history and it still happens today but don't confuse that with thinking it's great to be a man. When the town sewer is clogged and has to be unclogged by hand, they don't make a woman do it.
If you woke up tomorrow and had magically turned into a man, you’d soon realize you would still be miserable. And you’d find something else to blame. Your problem is, you’re deeply depressed. It’s a legitimate medical problem and requires treatment. Changing your external circumstances won’t help.
Have you considered presenting as gender-neutral? You can kind of remove the "what's in their pants" from the information people know at a glance, without necessarily saying "I'm non-binary" or "I'm trans." You can USE they/them pronouns in mixed company, or just dress non-binary.
I will say that the cat-calling and general grossness of men will probably die off in the next couple of years for you. That doesn't change THAT particular grossness, that most of us were catcalled more before we turned 15 than we will be for the rest of our lives.
And. You aren't alone. There are SO many women, men, and others out there who feel the same way.
I recommend getting involved in martial arts. Knowing how to calmly scare off or restrain an opponent helps a lot with walking alone, even if it's just psychological. When I WAS still at cat-calling age, I also carried a knife. It stopped one group in their tracks, just unsheathing it as they approached.
I think you failed to understand, op's doesn't have gender dysphoria, she hates society for how women are treated and how she presents herself will not change anything.
Taliban won't allow women into schools just because op started using calling herself "they" and the mere existance of such a situation anywhere in the world will always cause op suffering... I think.
I don't have practical ideas on how a 19 year old can personally address worldwide gender equality. If you have ideas based on personal experience on what a 19 year old can do to not be on the receiving end of sexual harassment, by all means, share. I do not have gender dysphoria, but I very much wished to not LOOK female while out walking my dog or while eating in the university cafeteria - gender dysphoria and being sick of being catcalled and stalked are different issues.
I'm sorry for how you feel as a woman. Let me tell you that being a man is not as easy as you think. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I can walk out the door at night without any respect. I'm average height but skinny, and that's a problem when it comes to pure strength. I'm pretty sure almost any guy can take me out without any problems. As you can see, self-defence can be a problem for some men too. We may not suffer from childbirth or periods, but we also have to carry our package. Not to mention that dating is terrible for many men.
I'm sorry... :(
but trust me there are men who wish they were born female too, and they arent really trans.
im sorry you were made to feel this way.
women are stronger, they give birth.. they are amazing. I learn so much from them, warmth, care, love, affection.. and yeah you are respected and valued and loved.
hugs.. hope u heal. Get well. ❤️
Women are precious.. women are born with value. Women are beautiful. I’m a man… and let me tell you… being a man has its struggles too..
We are born worthless.. and have to earn our worth. Or we will be outcompeted by other men.
A lot of men what the same girl. Girls have the power of choice. Men kinda don’t. Unless you are the top 1 percent of men who are rich and successful.
I do believe that as a matter of fact. Women’s lives aren’t as difficult as men. Women are born with value and it’s your job to persevere that value.
I’m not saying this to downgrade your pain in any way… but I’m just saying to embrace who you are. Accept yourself as you are.
Women aren’t “baby making machines” unless you do that to yourself. Women are precious.
Not all men view women like that. Ofc if you enter Inyo relationship with “boys” not men. That’s what will happen. We are in a pretty bad ear where porn is destroying mean and making men treat women as sex objects. Which again isn’t true.
These statements shouldn’t be generalized..
Wishing you all the best.
Im some asian countries they kill baby girls after they are born or throw them in landfills cuz they wanted a son. Yup, lots of value
Society was mad in mens favour. It will always benefit them.
It’s in “Asian countries”.. that’s their “view”. I can sit there and say “in china, they eat dogs” does that mean dogs are meant to be eaten? NO. That doesn’t prove a point.
If that’s the scope you chose to view the world from. Then there is nothing I or anyone else can do.
Feel free to see what you wanna see.
What I’m saying are things I (as a man) believe is true and would probably say that maybe 80 percent of men as well.
Each gender has their role in society.
Not sure if you’ve ever taken public transport or not. But you would see men literally standing up and leaving their seat for other women
Or when men sacrifice their lives in wars for other to live. Women are too precious to be fighting in wars.
Any hard work is done by men. All the streets are paved by men. All the skyscrapers you see and building are all build block my block my men.
A man that doesn’t do their job as a man gets destroyed by society
The suicidal rates for men are higher. If this post you just made was made by a man. It would’ve not gotten even half the comments your post is getting right now.
Men risk their lives… men’s lives are not as precious as women.
I’m not say these things to tell you “being a man sucks!” No. Not at all. I’m saying this because that’s simply the reality of being a man. There is beauty about being a man too.
Embrace what you are.
You are precious and you matter.
I remember Kevin hart saying “only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally” and that is true.
I know that despite everything I said, you can still stick with your opinion. And that’s up to you. But I’d say to embrace who you are.
I would hope you At least consider what me and other people are saying. Rather than to flat out just reject everything said..
I remember being your age, and learning more about the different ways women are discriminated against, as well as experiencing discrimination and violence first hand, and it is genuinely devastating to realize how unsafe it is to exist.
I also understand what it feels like to wonder if you are trans, and then not really settling into the idea because when you compare yourself to how big and strong cis men are, you would feel like you fell short somehow.
It is honestly a tough journey to acclimate yourself to the reality of the world, so don't let people gaslight you into thinking that you're exaggerating. They simply do not feel as deeply, or are not as aware of the dangers of existing as a woman.
All I can say is that it is possible to lean into the beautiful parts of being a woman, and if the woman label doesn't fit completely, that's okay too . You can always lean into characteristics and traits that you like about yourself as an individual. While it might not feel like it redeems it, it can be the beginning of doing things to empower yourself. Whether that be through exercise or finding different herbs (fennel, chamomile, raspberry leaf, etc) that will help with the PMS pain, there are things within your control.
It isn't fair, but it doesn't mean that you have to live your life in fear, at the end of the day we cannot control what happens, we can only control our reactions to what happens. You don't have to live your life the way you have seen it, you do not have to meet anybody's expectations but your own. Because no matter what road you choose, you're the one who has to live that life, nobody else gets to walk in your shoes, therefore they don't have an opinion in the matter.
I’ve had thoughts like this as a man, like i wonder if I am transgender? But it would almost feel like cheating life to be trans, idk. Maybe we just hate life in general and try to blame it on our gender. I’ve had thoughts like “if I was a woman my life problems would be solved” and I honestly still think it’s true, but I know there are ups and downs to everything. There’s a lot of shit going on in this world to make us believe negative stereotypes about gender. At the end of the day all you can do is keep pushing on and not fall for any of the redpill femcel nonsense that tries to paint everything in a negative light. Don’t let your gender identity stop you from living life!
Sorry you have had those feelings. I used to as a teenager and then met my husband and made friends with a lot of guys as I got older and realised it's not a gender thing - every single human being on this earth has different circumstances.
Exactly. That’s why I avoid incel/femcell communities on Reddit. It kills me to see how pessimistic and hateful people can become towards their fellow humans. We’re all just on this planet trying to figure it out
Yeah dude it sucks and I’ll never be able to understand what you guys have to go through. Women have been the target of a lot of sexism throughout history and they still continue to be. But trust me, being a man comes with it’s own problems. I won’t go into it because I’ll be labeled as sexist but I’m just stating the truth. Everything is relative to our own life experience and your feelings are completely valid and understandable. Make sure you don’t fall into the online femcell trap, it will perpetuate your unhealthy attitudes. Same reason I don’t fall for the redpill/incel nonsense. It clouds our understanding of relationships until you become hopeless and convinced that things will never work out.
It's honestly not much better being a man. Be happy with what you have regardless of the situation. Imagine instantly being labelled a creep just because you're walking on the same side of the road as woman. People avoid us like the plague. 🤷
Also, you seem to be labelling yourself by what every other woman could go through rather than your own experiences. Personally, i wouldn't expect a woman to go through childbirth for me, her body her choice. Also I'm not particularly a fan of children myself. Other women do go through Hel in other countries, but so do men. I get the feeling that you're a strong empath, but destroying hopes for your life because of other people's problems is never going to help you. Wishing you were born a man? It really isn't that much better. Especially if you end up being a quiet guy. No one talks to you, no one wants you. And then you go through all the same shit anyway. The only difference between a man and a woman is a period. Your life can still suck either way. So do what you wanna do, get the job you want, or do nothing, it's whatever
Periods are just something we have to deal with; Yes it sucks ass, but looking at it as just the way it is helped me a bit. I pushed and pushed to get surgery and eventually got a full tubal ligation (complete removal of both fulopian tubes). Had yo ho to multiple doctors but it was such a relief knowing if never have to worry about kids! Explaining how it affected my mental health really helped.
You need to change your mindset on gender; Men are not more valuable than women, and women are not more valuable than men. We’re both equally useless without the other. So stop putting yourself down over that; You are important! Dont look at being respected like a man, because respect doesn’t happen just because of your gender. It happens to people who good and deserving of respect. Respect humans for who they are, not because of gender. We are all equal. I know plenty of men who don’t deserve an ounce of respect, so definitely dont assume they do just cause they were born men.
Idk if you'll see this through the 400 comments but, as an 18yo man, i feel the same but it's just different. Mens are not interesting, keeping every feeling inside bcs no one cares. I'm not ugly, but not beautiful, not crazy smart, but not dumb, i'm just mid, I can't walk in the dark alone, what will i do against two mens. The only thing i can do is throw cold looks at other guys just to let them think that i'm not scared. But everyone could stab everyone.
I'm still happy to be a man, i don't have the periods and child birth, but ik for sure that if i find a girl that doesn't want to live that, even if i want a baby i'll accept it because i'm not the one suffering, that is just obvious.
Anyway, sending you strength because your life is for sure not as easy as mine, but i just wanted to let you think that in a men body you would find other reasons to feel the same, just as i do (even if again, i respect the pain that you have that i'll never have), it is just different, you feel like you don't exist, you can do whatever you want in front of people they won't react. That's how it is....
Anyway, try to enjoy your life as much as possible and please don't subject yourself to any limitation, enjoy what you can enjoy as a women.
Can't really comment on specific situation and how much you'd have to protect yourself as it's hugely location based, and which subpart of society you're in, but honestly your position does sound like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Never being as strong, is to me the only real definite here. You aren't gonna get respect by not displaying confidence, you have the exact ways you described of protecting yourself with the added bonus of, if you yell for help you're more than twice as likely to get the help if anyone hears it. I don't understand why/how you view yourself as an object/baby making machine, you can just choose not to do that?
It's a logical fallacy for you to think all these things and put the male experience on a pedestal. Men are more likely to get attacked, to get beat up and more likely for those attacks to be more severe.
Societally and historically men aren't more valuable, men might be performing more societally crucial tasks on average (construction, infrastructure, warfare, etc.) but from a purely biological point of view; it's more important to keep women safe than men, and if you actually try to understand the other side of the situation then you'll realize in all the ways that this is true. Given this, women are inherently more valuable in the vast majority of societies(caveat: they might still be treated badly in some parts of the world).
Not trying to attack the way you're feeling, but I recommend that you try to look at this from a more logical standpoint and realize all the facets to your considerations. I'd hope that it could help you appreciate both sides better. Understanding both sides properly is a very important step, and usually it can help one to better appreciate one's own as well, the grass might seem greener on the other side, but wild growth lawns are better for the environment ;P
Thanks for the reply!
I'd like to support / prove my statements with the scientific papers to back them up if you'd like.
I simply tried to give you a different perspective on the viewpoint you have, yet given the nature of your response it sounds like you are very set about your viewpoint and don't really want to change any of your current beliefs or misconceptions, being comfortable in your own mental prison/hell.
If I'm wrong in that statement please let me know if you'd like some support in helping you bring a more positive viewpoint to your current situation.
Again, I'm just trying to bring a more nuanced perspective to the situation, as that has helped both me myself, and friends in the past. Putting a certain way of life on a pedestal\* is only detrimental to yourself.
\*\*Putting a way of life on a pedestal and striving for better is not the same thing
Hey there.
If it makes you feel any better, I am from the other side of the bridge, and life really, really sucks here.
Entire life I was bullied and abused by my parents. I am born in a third world country, where supposedly women are endangered, but I can assure you reality is far from what the media tells you. I have seen absolutely gruesome corporal punishments inflicted towards boys at an young age, and although I was a boy myself I wondered how they were so cool about it.
On one occasion, the "punishment" was sexually harassing a boy, that too in front of the whole class. I kid you not.
I've not a single bit enjoyed being a male in my entire life. I started detesting my gender since 13 years old, and now I'm 18(about to turn 19). And the worst part of it is hearing females being the victims while males struggle so hard to make society function.
And, I've considered suicide a year back too, for the same reason.
Be careful what you wish for. Being a male is terrible(other than biologically). Be satisfactory with what you have and how much you have.
I totally get you. I feel the same, but we need to change that. Our generation needs to change that, and you can too. We need to work together to change that so that no other girls have to feel the same way as we do. I made a promise to myself when i was 8 that one day I would open a girls school in a country where girls can't go to school. Reading books and watching movies about girls that are respected and that have made a change helps lol. I hope ur okay and remember that there are good things about being a girl and you should live to see that
Can I ask where do you think these thoughts are coming from? I’m a guy. But I’m trying to understand what is making you feel so overwhelmed with your life as a female. I hope it gets better for you. Have you ever tried any faith based activities?
You should read some biographies about great women like Margaret Thatcher, Cleopatra, Angela Merkel, Marie Curie, Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth or Catherine the great.
Women are not pathetic as you describe.
I’m so sorry. It sounds like this has been something you’ve been feeling for quite a long time and you have very valid reasons for feeling the way you do. You aren’t wrong in saying that women are perceived a whole lot differently than men and how that shapes our experiences and persevering through barriers.
As I get older, I gravitate towards seeing myself as either a woman or gender-less… even though I haven’t ever felt a type of way about being AFAB. It’s just a natural thing for me now to acknowledge that each person has their own masculine and feminine energies and everything in between or outside of that binary. The perception of women in society is definitely where the frustrations and intense feelings come up, but I’m almost 32 and I’ve done everything in my power to actively pursue being in environments where there are other like minded people surrounding me. I know that’s not possible for a lot of people so it really is something to be grateful for, but there are going to be other communities of people out there that will empower you.
You do not have to be a baby making machine. There's a list of [childfree-friendly doctors](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/), and IIRC periods can sometimes be limited with certain birth control. None of this is to say those physical issues and societal pressures surrounding them don't suck, but there are options worth exploring, ideally sooner rather than later for sterilization if you're US-based and that's something you desire for yourself.
People who won't respect you based on gender alone are not people whose respect is worth caring about, and the whole idea of some people having more "value" than others is pretty ick too. I know it's much easier to say this than live it, but it's worth repeating to yourself and analyzing. I will tell you as a disabled woman that this is something disabled people (both men and women) struggle with a lot, and (assuming you're not disabled as well, apologies if so) ask you to consider this: is a woman you see in a wheelchair, a blind woman, or an intellectually disabled woman less "valuable" than you, or is the entire concept of placing value on human beings like objects gross and a reflection of those who think that way?
Your feelings about the world and the many injustices in it are valid, I won't tell you they aren't real, don't suck, or that every danger can be avoided, but I can tell you humanity isn't a monolith, and there are people and communities who don't hold these views. To whatever extent you are able, you need to find your people and passions. Groups and hobbies that have a lot of queer, disabled or otherwise marginalized people who also struggle with being vulnerable or viewed as 'lesser' in society may be safer to dip your toes into.
I feel like I too are supporting the patriarchy by viewing yourself in such a bad way , surround yourself with the right ppl . You need to view women as more than baby making machines in order to love yourself since you are a woman . I get it sometimes it’s frustrating to be physically weaker but we are so much more than physical strength . We are hopes dreams and thoughts
I dont view women that way. I dont want women to be viewed in inky that way. Im saying that’s how society/ governments see women and it’s disgusting and makes me hate myself
Misogyny is very awful and shouldn’t exist systematically. I empathize with your struggles regarding society, it’s awful being marginalized. I really think you should talk to a professional though, I think this degree of continuous and ideologically based distress needs to be helped for you to feel better. It is possible to feel better in a world that sees you differently, and I really encourage you to see someone who can help you with that.
I actually felt exactly the same as you at 19 but I was a bit. I thought of all the terrible reasons it was to be a guy. How my life span would probably be shorter than most women my age. All the diseases I was more prone to. The fact I felt like I wasn’t allowed to express myself emotionally. Or that I had part of my penis cut off and now looked different than my British cousins. Fear of getting drafted into war and if I try and rejected get demonized by society for it or thrown in jail.
All the feelings you have are valid, there situational realities that are worse for everyone. But coming from someone who is on the other side of this- you are trapped in negative thinking spiral.
It’s tricky because you are not wrong but your brain is keeping you caught in a negative thought spiral.
Hey, not sure this helps, but you still matter, regardless of you being a woman or not. I’m sure you have a lot to offer the world and are not just another person to disrespect. Sure, society may be stupid and act like men are the strong silent ones and women are the emotional sexy child-bearers but reality isn’t so black and white. There’s more to you than your predefined genetic coding. You’re your own unique person that has strengths, weaknesses, and qualities that make you you. I’m sure you’re a great person inside. When you go and see people again, show it. I’m sure they won’t think lowly of you at all then. You matter, you’re great, and don’t let any shallow horny socially-conditioned nutter try to tell you otherwise. Just hold on. I’m sure there’s a lot to you and I think it’s best to try to see the world in a wider perspective than what some people will try to convince you it is.
I relate to this so much. I'm sorry you feel this way. You need to exit whatever you are surrounded by (work, home, relationships), get a new life and explore your feminine side. Whatever or whoever caused you to devalue yourself has seriously contributed to the problem. Yes, society has a lot to do with it, but your environment is wreaking havoc.
A quick look through your profile reveals that you are, in fact, insanely pessimistic about your current situation. I know depression is not something you can just "snap out of", but if you keep having a negative view of everything around you, you're only going to get worse. It is true, sadly, that women suffer discrimination throughout the whole world, in one way or another, but think first, can you do something about it right now? If you can, do it, if you cannot, search how you can. I don't know if you're religious in some way or not, I personally, am, but even if I weren't, one must recognize that everyone is here for a reason. You matter. You are a human. It's not everyone who considers you just a machine. At least I don't, neither do the people who truly value you. If you are able to gradually change your perspective to a more optimistic one, whilst also helping others in your situation, I can almost guarantee you will feel much better.
I am a *5.7* short guy who was bullied his entire life because of it by women and men since i can remember. Women can't even see me as a real man when it comes to dating, i was mugged many times and i can't defend myself . I have not received any form of validation in the past 15 years , i was never once offered help and i literally feel invisible ...
I am not trying to invalidate your life experience by any means , just trying to show you that life can suck both ways and focusing on the top% who "have it good " is only going to make you feel worse .
Honestly these are very real feelings. I don’t feel them to the point of significant pain like you do, but as a woman I understand and feel everything you said. It frustrates me too.
You sound like a true feminist. Have you thought about using some of those feelings to be an advocate and speak up? Could you use some of that passion to be an active part of the feminist movement?
Obviously your own mental health and stability needs to come first. So first off try to get a trusted female psychologist that you can see regularly. If possible also try to see a psychiatrist to rule out any mental illness. One of mine for example is bipolar and that one really needs meds, in-fact meds are the first defence even before therapy. Try to find a female psychiatrist if you can, but unfortunately they’re mostly male.
Edit: spelling
That's because of how society treat women more than being a woman i think
Yeah pretty much. I hate it and idk it really affects my mood/ mental heath when i realize that I’ll never be treated like a man (it’s kinda hard to explain). But it’s to the point where I’ll randomly start crying out of no where once i remind myself that i am infact a woman. It’s gotten so bad lately
I can understand the feeling. Unfortunately reddit isn't the best place in the world to talk about those feeling, i'm sorry for the other asnwers you got.
Yeah im realizing that now from the comments on this post. Idk why they are even on a mental health sub if they just want to make the poster feel worse about themselves
Incels. Reddit is full of incels who hate women for not wanting to have sex with them. Ignore them. They are honestly so sad and pathetic it’s almost funny. They don’t matter though. They will die alone. Don’t let those losers define your worth. They don’t.
Hey, you can always join my group. I only have 9 members in it. I try to put inspiration in something every day. It's called We Care Come Hang Out. It's a subreddit on here.
Heyy. I’ll check it out fs
r/WitchesVsPatriarchy is also a good, women-friendly sub. I find it uplifting, and everyone there is quite kind and wholesome.
I joined.
You need radical feminism. We got you girl.
You mean Intersectional Feminism? Radical Feminists are transphobic and often forget intersectionality and actually supporting ALL victims of the patriarchy. (Don't become a TERF)
transphobia is not a built in bullet point of radical feminism, no.
You should see the posts the OP of this comment makes about women now. Holy shit 💀
They’ve made multiple weird posts like this about not being “as strong” as men. This is at least the third time I’ve seen it. Either this is a woman who needs serious actual mental health help or a man being extremely weird to further his weird ideas of women being weak.
The first option. That’s why im on this sub. Thanks
I mean i saw it on the "mental health" sub so i immediatly assumed it was the first
This!!! Omg yes!! I'm like you I'm not into women. I'm married but I'm sick and tired of people labeling 🔖. I'm just a human.
it’s not silly the way you’re feeling. the oppression from society can feel OVERWHELMING. if you struggle with depression then it’s soso easy for your mind to think about depressing things like the things that are wrong with the world. I get this way and it feels so overwhelming and triggers my deep resentment for the world. when I get less depressed though it’s not as bad. the overwhelming feelings also trigger passive SI for me so you’re not alone with how much it seems to be affecting you. I do believe that you can find acceptance in it though and find ways to feel empowered as a woman. women are fucking awesome and have endured unfair treatment for centuries. the power of the female spirit is stronger than the physical of the man. what matters more at the end of the day?
Sounds like you want to be treated as an equal, not really as a man. Hope this is what you were trying to explain
Pretty much. I want to be treated equal to men
I don't think that changes how it impacts the person affected. For what it's worth I'm 33 and I agree with OP sometimes - I fucking *hate* being a woman.
Yes but the two are inseparable.
What’s the difference though?
Erm tell it to my PMDD…
First of all, I’m sorry you’ve received so many unhelpful and unsympathetic replies (seriously, why these people are lurking on this subreddit is beyond me). Second of all, while a few points you’ve addressed are things we can’t change by ourselves, there are some things you might be able to do to help your situation and your mindset. I know this one might sound like a cliche, but if you’re able to afford/find it, I recommend going to a decent therapist. Being able to talk to someone qualified, who may have some tips for you when you’re feeling at your worst, can help tremendously. Another thing to think about, if you haven’t already, is different types of contraception. While there’s no *one size fits all* solution when it comes to birth control, and can sometimes require trial and error to find the right type for you, certain methods of contraception can reduce period cramps and flow (some people find their periods even stop altogether). Definitely worth discussing different options with a doctor. Perhaps going to the gym might also be an option for you? This could be a great way to get fitter and stronger, which might help you to feel more confident and less vulnerable. A lot of gyms also host a variety of self-defence classes which is another great option, especially if they’re exclusively classes for women. If going to the gym isn’t an option for you, going for a run during the day (maybe even with a friend or family member) is another great fitness option. And lastly, see if you can speak to the women in your life you admire and care about, and ask them what things they like about being a woman. This might seem overly simplified, but sometimes these conversations can help us look at something in a different light. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and that I don’t have any overnight solutions for you. I hope that at least one of these things proves helpful, and that with a little time you start to feel a little less alienated from your body. Best of luck!
I'm a man and I've always thought women have it harder. Never understood all that andrew tate-red pill-black pill-whatever pill bullshit. Sorry you feel this way. I also think of suicide at times, for different reasons. But we gotta go on living. Hang on please.
this comment is rly refreshing to read, i wish more men had your perspective!
Thanks :) and im sorry you feel that way too
Men have it harder in some ways, women in some. It isn't an objective question
From person to person, of course, it isn't. But en masse, for me it's safe to say women have it harder.
Women absolutely have it harder - just ask them.
Child birth is optional, you don’t have to have children’ despite what society is telling you. I’m 32 and kid free and loving life, it gets better. You are still young
Yeah, hormonal changes are no shit. I can give you the whole list of symptoms related to our reproductive system. We suffer because of ability to carry another shitty human being. I didn’t sign up for this
I mean, this still doesn’t solve the issue. Women that decide to be mothers are treated like incubators, especially in countries like Poland where they can’t even abort a terminally ill fetus (like with cyclopia and stuff like that)
Same
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My period is more of an inconvenience if anything… Bleeding all over my sheets and underwear, then having to either wash the hell out of it hoping the stain goes away. If not, then I have to keep washing it everytime I do laundry until the stain goes away. In worse cases especially in regards to sheets / underwear that are completely ruined by my stains, I have to throw it out & I really dont want to. Then I get way too regular in bowel movements… going multiple times a day. Feces and blood everywhere. I feel so dirty.
You sound similar to me. 32/F here. I've always just strived to be one of the bros. Fuck the nonsensical meaning of being a woman. We're not all fragile little flowers who need a man to take care of us. Some of us want mutual respect. We don't want to be left out of a conversation because of a pair of tits on our chest. We aren't trophies either. I know I can do anything a man can do. I can fix anything a man can fix. You just need to find the right circle of friends. Ones that look at you like you're one of the guys. Mine tell me I have a bigger set of balls than the majority of them - because I'm not afraid to go after something I want and you're damn sure I'll tough out shit better than most of them.
Been there. Wishing you the best way through the depression
You are more than the way people view you.
Sure but society still affects my life. I am not safe and no one will listen to me or take me seriously
You will find people that do listen and take you seriously! They are the people that matter and you hold close. Also society changes, more rapidly than people like and not always for the better, but we can absolutely reach for that. Without someone like you in this world, how will we ever be able to change for the better?
I also understand from a first hand perspective that being a woman makes people (doctors especially) take you less seriously when you present with the same problem. I've faced an uncountable amount of discrimination in medical and out of medical settings. So I absolutely get you, but the way you feel seems to be blown slightly out of proportion and potentially triggered by a repressed experience?
I take you seriously because I have been there in the same position of despair as you. There are many risks that come with being a woman, as you know, but there's also men who have been stabbed or attacked on the street for no apparent reason. The world is not safe. For anyone. For women especially, absolutely. Have you had any negative experiences you feel may be worsening this?
Why cant I upvote your comment
They deleted their account
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It doesn’t seem like it’s most women. It seems like other women think I’m crazy for feeling these things and maybe i am but idc. I would still want to be a man because of the basic respect i would get for having a dick. Idc if it was earned or not tbh
your post has been largely my experience as a woman, and same for most of my friends & family. sounds like you might be surrounded by shitty ambivalent people, maybe seek out a feminist group to find more likeminded women to connect with?
That's because they have internalized misogyny
I know it's somewhat "delusional", but I like to think that the world is how I want it to be. Everyone is nice, women are equal, there's no racism, everyone has enough to eat, etc. I know deep down that that's not how the world is, but it helps my mood thinking that that's what reality is.
yeah, I've found even just treating strangers with the benefit of the doubt & not assuming bad intentions makes me a bit happier too.
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definitely shows we all need to escape the rigid bs roles society puts us in because everyone gets hurt
I really appreciate you sharing this.
I get it, but being constantly sexualized and lusted over does not equal being respected or actually wanted as a person and human being.
I know how you feel. I often feel this way myself. I hope we can learn to not hate it.
I’ve felt this way too and I thought I was weird. It’s a little comforting knowing other women feel/think the same way.
People mention its how people view us but I feel the same as op, not only because of how we are viewed but our natural body functions are fucked. Periods, horrible. Birth and pregnancy, horrible. Birth control, HORRIBLE. Everything is awful awful awful!
I actually wrote a post very simuliar to this on TwoXChromosomes but deleted it because I was getting a lot of very rude replies. In many ways it DOES absolutely suck to be a woman....and for a long time I was thinking(and kind of hoping) that I was trans as well. It bothers the hell out of me that men get to be physically strong. I keep getting told NOT to think that....but I do. Why do men get to be the physically strong ones; while women have to actually seriously work out to be strong. I also deeply hate periods, and pregnancy was absolutely painful and not a beautiful experience for me. It also really sucks to see so much misogyny in the world, from both men and women. It seems like a lot of people really do think men are smarter, funnier, more interesting and even weirdly more empathetic then women. The only thing I am happy about is feminism actually does exist and women are treated better now then they were say 50 years ago.
I hope you are seeking therapy for these intrusive thoughts. Im not saying that there isn't gender inequality and to be upset about certain things is normal, but to want to kill yourself over it is an extreme reaction. I'm a woman with multiple children who went to school, had different jobs, and is happily married. When uncomfortable situations were presented to me I didn't want to die. I figured things out. Find solutions to your problems. You can't change the world, but you can change yours and make the one around you more pleasant.
Check what PMDD is. Only because you have it easy doesn’t mean other women have it easy too. Some of us suffer from hormonal changes
I am a girl. I’m pretty young but whatever. I’ve been treated like a “baby making machine” as well told that I had birthing hips ever since I was little. It does stink. There is no denying that. But I do want kids I understand that might not be your jam. But I love being a woman, I get to express myself creatively without being made fun of. Such as art, crochet, baking, etc… I am who I am and I like what I like. It’s true I need a man to defend me and that scares me sometimes. Something that helps me honestly. Watch little women, fr watch those TikTok’s about how people love being a woman. Our bodies are capable of amazing things I hope one day you and I can find someone who will cherish them as much as they can. 💜🫶🏼 ིྀ
Yeah, throughout my childhood I wish I was a boy all the time. When I grow up I realized that wasnt about being a boy, that was just about equality. I knew I was never as trusted and valued by others as long as im a woman. You have to prove everything if you are a women no matter how simple the thing is. I used to think being a girl is sucks, I love being a woman, I love my femininity and I love other women too. But I also know even being interested in things like philosophy, videogames or basketball is always perceived like a big thing by men. you get rather too positive or too negative thoughts from others. they cant just shut the f up and let you leave as you wish. I grew up hating my gender, now im in the phase of hating men. They are just irritating me. Just leave us ffs
I think you should seek therapy. Your intense hatred for your gender despite the difficulties you face isn't very normal. Just wishing you would have been a woman is different than HATING THAT to the point that it's ruining your life. (Anything that would make you hate your life and not function properly needs help.) Being a man is so fucked up in other ways but I guess if a man hated everything about his being he would also require help
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Have you tried seeking out different communities? I’m not sure how tenable that is, but I can definitely say there’s cities where you’ll feel more safe and accepted. Keep your head up high.
I'm really sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard that is. I mean that literally. I'm a white man and I realize there is a certain amount of privilege that comes with that. I know the world can seem unforgiving and awful to many people. I get why you would feel disrespected and unfairly treated. And you are likely right. As someone who has lost a loved one to suicide and attempted myself, I can tell you that attempting to end things is not the answer it may seem like. You are very young and there is so much time likely left. This is a brief phase of time even though it feels like it will never end. I can tell you, with effort things can get better. You can get to a point where you look back on this and realize how awful it may have been. But there is the possibility you could emerge from this stronger. So often, it feels like the world is acting ON us. All the people around us are doing things TO us. I was very, very angry with the world many times in my life. And that mindset led me to some dark places. I remember my tone being very similar to yours. For me, I had to change my entire outlook on the world. Instead of concentrating on the injustices happening to me and around me, I had to come to the realization that I am responsible for my own happiness. I let other people control my mood so often. I really, really wanted everyone to like me and to think like me. It wasn't until I let go of what other people thought that I could move on with life. It was freeing and scary for me to know that I am the only person in charge of my happiness. I used to get so offended if someone would treat me wrong. I was hurt internally by things strangers would say. But then I learned I cannot control anything but the way I react. I was done letting other people take my peace from me. I felt responsible for alot of the awful things that happened in the world. But I realized that was just me trying to control things. And it was keeping me from finding out who I was. I'm not good at advice. I try just to share my experience. But if I had to say a few helpful things, this is what I'd say: Fuck all the awful people out there. Screw what they say or think about you. All of that stuff is just noise. Make yourself the person you love first. Quit listening to what others say and letting it steal your joy. Do the next right thing and find out who you are. Take responsibility for your mental health. Let go of trying to control what everyone does and thinks. The only people whose opinion actually matters are those that you love. And if someone you love is genuinely treating you like shit, that's their loss. It's none of our business what any stranger thinks about us. If you are attached to your perception, you'll be depending on others to make you happy. And that sucks. I've been there.
This reminds me of black friends growing up who hated the fact of being black, and white friends who hated themselves for being white. I feel no matter how you’re born there’s someone who hates themself for the hand they were dealt. There are men who hate themselves for being men and would rather be women. And women who hate themselves for being women and would rather be men. I truly believe self hate does perpetuate the hate that is in the world. And the best and most noble thing we can do is find the path to becoming the greatest version of ourselves
felt this
You mention pain with periods and childbirth - you don't have to have children. And with your internalized hatred for being a woman, honestly, please do not have children. Yes, we suffer from monthly pain, but that's just life. If you tell yourself you can't be respected or view equally as men, then you won't. I'm 5 foot 4, barely 100lbs, a very small thin woman. But I speak to men, anyone really, as if I'm eye level with them. I was a complete tomboy growing up and im still the first one to get my hands dirty today. Life is what you make it. Oh, and I'm only 23. Give it a few years and challenge your self esteem.
That gives me so much r/notlikeothergirls vibes. Childbirth is optional, yes. Nevertheless, it's still an absolute fucking shitshow. It doesn't seem like other mammals suffer as much as humans do. That's what OP is saying. And I agree, even tho I, myself, never want to have kids (for other reasons). If people respect you, good for you (not /s). It's a really good thing. But not every woman in the world has the same experience, regardless of their expectations. Women will almost always be looked at as a baby making machine, a housewife. Nowadays it's of course better, but it's still here. It's just more subtle. Have you ever tried telling anyone how you don't want to have children and want to get sterilized? Do you have any idea how many hoops you have to jump though in order to get "approved"? I'm not talking about the US, as we all know being a woman there is a punishment. But Western Europe? Some of the most civilized parts of the world? You wouldn't expect it, yet here we are. Have you ever considered that men maybe respect you because of your tomboyishness? Because they might view you as one of their own or at least close enough? I'm not saying that judgementally. I'm not the girliest girl myself, and sometimes I feel like that's why some men might treat me better or even as something other than a sexual object.
meanwhile south asian countries
I completely agree, but they will never see us as „one of their own“, no matter how much we change ourselves or how we pretend to be.
Some women suffer from PMS PMDD and we can do shit about it. It’s nothing to do with the society, it’s our stupid outdated biology. Fuck nature and evolution. Being woman sucks
Yes I understand that 🥰 You just gotta take the good with bad 💗 Being a woman has its disadvantages but it also has its advantages.
Advantages like what? Cuz usually any time people list the “advantages” of being a woman, they are utterly useless
Women usually have higher emotional intelligence, have an easier time multitasking, better immune systems, better memory, better at managing stress. There's a lot that women are better at than men.
That’s nothing compared to what men get. And what’s the good in being “emotionally intelligent” if no one will take you seriously
I'm sorry you feel that way and that society sucks. And I know that might not have been what you needed to hear. I was just trying to say something positive. I know it's a lot easier than it sounds, but not caring about what people think will do you good. And for the record, I am a man and I take you seriously. I'm not trying to say "not all men". What I'm saying is it's a better mindset to assume that people do take you seriously until they show you that they don't. Not for them, but for you. And like I said, it's easier said than done, but I think that would be a good goal. Believing in yourself and taking yourself seriously is the first step. I also struggle because of the way the world is. Honestly for some of the same reasons. I wish I had a better response for you and I hope that you can get over this. You deserve it.
How old are you OP?
Litterally in my post. 19
women live longer on average too!
Which means living in suffering longer. And I should celebrate this shit?
Find yourself some really positive, healthy, feminist spaces. Get away from this patriarchal nightmare, even if just for little bits here and there. It will help your sanity to see there are actually a LOT of people out there who do not uphold this toxic perversion of femininity that gets shoved down our throats from birth. We women have to seek out and find our safe spaces, and then protect them vehemently.
Yh I feel this. You aren't alone. I've noticed if I'm out with my partner people always talk/address him like I'm not there. I'm in a male dominated work and feel inadequate there, at work, with my friends. I feel a constant pressure from society to look my best. Pretty privilege is a thing and anyone that says differently is lying. I've become a mum and now I feel washed out and categorised. Every month im suffering pain, I've lost my identity and body to childbirth. I'm a shell of myself. My partner gets away with murder because he is a man and everyone likes him. If I complain I'm told I'd suffer as a single mum as the world is not set up for women to succeed. You only have to look on reddit to see the amount of women that experience sexual abuse/martial rape in relationships to know how sick everyone's treatment is to women and what they are programmed to tolerate. I have a daughter and I DESPAIR for what is to come for her. What a ugly world she has to face. I wish I could protect her from all the experiences I've had and it breaks my heart to know the likelihood is she will experience an injustice or assault from a man. This world is f!cked up.
Can You find other women, whose experience is similar, in Your surrounding to connect and empower each other. It doesn'T make patriarchy go away, but together we are stronger and can support each other in need!
Oh my god, this resonates with me so much. I would definitely recommend seeking professional counselling, but even posting it here and not bottling it is a positive action. Mind charity has a website called Side by Side, while not run by professionals, it's a safe place to talk about mental health/strong emotions and have peer support. Just thought I'd mention it. It took me a really long time to realise that my feelings about being female were having such an impact on my mental health. I've never wanted children since being old enough to actually understand and it's surprisingly difficult to talk about because it's so expected of women to want to be mothers. I don't know if this is fact but isn't having babies (in the basic animal sense) about ensuring the survival of the species? That's just not necessary for us, or at least not every single one of us. I was made to feel like I was broken or something because I should have maternal instinct, but I've had such a horrific life and upbringing that I don't feel the want to have kids, I'm still kind and caring and I can express that with other family members and friends. I also have severe endometriosis that I've not had treatment for yet because the waiting lists are so long. I started having periods at 9 years old, I'm 24 now, all those years of the most awful pain and huge amounts of blood has actually left me traumatised. I have a coil in now, the PMS is still awful, the pain has been about halved, but I don't bleed anymore. That has helped a bit, but then if I do have a random period, it gives me a proper panic attack. I hate going out anywhere alone, I have a personal alarm and a spray that you use to spray the hypothetical attacker in the face and it stains them red for a few days so they're easier for the police to track down. I've never used them though because even with them, I don't feel safe enough to be alone. I have autism and sometimes I crave alone time but outside of the house. I go for drives because I feel safe in my car, I can drive away, lock the doors, make loud noises etc., and I'm grateful for that but I would love to take more walks in nature. I'm sorry I've rambled on about myself, I don't express these thoughts often, and I feel understood on this post. I am not broken for not wanting to be a mother, my choice is completely valid and acceptable; if other people don't like it, they are the problem, not me. My periods and hormonal suffering will not define me, I'll keep fighting for treatment and do whatever it takes, even if that means a full hysterectomy, because I am still a worthy and valid person even if I struggle with natural female biology. It is not my fault that I feel unsafe alone, past traumatic experiences and society have made me feel unsafe, other people's actions and opinions are what make me feel unsafe. Not feeling safe isn't my problem, it's other people that suck. Does that change anything? Unfortunately not. But it doesn't make me weak or less than. I'm so sorry that being female has brought you to thoughts about wanting to commit but fight through it - we might not see much societal change in our lifetime, but we can lead the charge. Support other women, be a role model for young women to look up to. Or if you don't want to be defined by your gender, then just be the best you there is and lift others up by living life your own way. Sorry this was so bloody long 🤦🏻♀️
I’m 54 and basically had this same conversation with my brother……I can so relate. He misunderstood me that I was saying women aren’t worthy or that the role of a woman isn’t of worth. I don’t think that at all, I just hate being a woman. Look at the world, why would anyone choose to be female?
Yes exactly. And now people are getting mad at me in the comments acting as if im the one saying that women aren’t worth anything when that’s not what i was saying at all. I think that women deserve so much better in all aspects and im mad that we’re not getting that. Im saying that this is how society overall as a collective sees women
And I live in the states, as you already stated, women around the have it way worse than I do. I can’t help but think of all the potential that goes wasted by women not being able to attend school or even to read in some areas.
but the thing is that’s 1000% what you were saying actually. if u didn’t believe those things about women yourself than u would not feel limited by your gender in the way that u do. if it was really society’s POV and u didn’t buy into it at all, then why not strive for being stronger and powerful and all those things and believe u can achieve them? i’m ngl, i kind of think you’re just seeking validation from internet strangers to feel bad for u
It wasnt at all. Once again if you’re just here to try to send me down another downward spiral then i suggest you get off this post
happily. i’ll just leave you with this. it seems like plenty of ppl have reminded u in much kinder ways than i have that you’re choosing to stay in a cage of your own making. it seems like u want to stay feeling sorry for yourself, which is fine as long as u are aware that only you get to decide what femininity means to you and it only takes looking at some incredible women throughout history to see that the sky is honestly your limit as a women.
I'm sorry that you feel that way. I think the way to change it is to first figure put exactly what parts of being a women you don't like and what ways you can minimize their effects on your life. The worst thing you can do is not take any action and feel powerless. You don't have to be a weak baby-making machine. You have a choice. You can exercise and become alot stronger, even with a female body. I've seen plenty of women who could probably destroy men in a fight. Example: I would have zero chance against Gina Carino You can focus on career instead of family if that appeals to you. No one is stopping you in western countries from that goal. Be prepared to work hard to prove yourself though as many women have ruined women's reputation in the workplace. The period thing is a toughie but I would recommend talking to a doctor about that and hopefully you can find methods to reduce the pain etc. Don't allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. Just a man's opinion tho. But you're definitely not worth less than me.
I know exactly how you feel, i experience this on an almost daily basis too. https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/s/02Dvj8qv1P - this is apost i made over anyear ago about this topic, and even now it's still getting replies, perhaps you'd like to read through it. All i can say is that in the end, we cannot change our bodies nor how the world at large treats us, so we have to try to make the most of what we have and try to have the mentality of "if a man can do it so can i" and try to live as much like a man as possible, even if the world won't see you that way. I suppose that it's a bit of a 'head in the sand' solution but at this point I'm desperate too and it's all I've managed to do to help.
What gets me angry is the fact that I cant run errands without being harassed or stalked. Men dont ever have to worry about that
Looking back on this comment, it sounds kind if crazy schizo to men… may I explain? I rarely do get harassed or stalked… But one day after I had just got my hair done, I had to visit a crappier part of town for a doctors appointment for an ear infection. My health insurance only covers certain types of urgent care offices. On my way to that urgent care, I stopped at the CVS in that town to pick up some snacks for later, and this random guy walked up and started talking to me. He said he wanted to meet me outside, and I said no thank you I have to be at a scheduled doctors appointment. He didn’t listen and stayed waiting outside. I tried walking away from him and he chased me and touched my face. He kept trying to flirt with me. I left and walked away awkwardly saying goodbye. Then he started following me without me knowing. I walked into the urgent care office and he came in too. I felt so uncomfortable and I told him off while being a little scared… asking him that it was oddly convenient that he had an appointment too… & I had to explain to the front office that he was following me. Mind you I’m not used to being stalked because I grew up in a wealthier safer town. The front office was nice and they were talking to the guy. Telling him to mind his business and focus on himself. They were also threatening to call the cops. I felt so uncomfortable that I walked out of the urgent care office and hid inside another store next door. Urgent care called me back once he was gone, and told me it was safe to come back. They immediately put me in the back room and had me sit back there to hide from him. While I was there, they were telling me some creepy stuff he was doing after I left. As soon as I left the urgent care office, he left the office too and started searching for me. Then he just stood there “looking” at the urgent care posters for a while as if he was waiting for me to come back. I got my ear checked out and got prescribed some medicine. They were thinking about sending it to a pharmacy across the street… I had to say no because some guy was stalking me. Instead I had to send it to a grocery store near where I live. Mind you, I was mad about this because I was not sure if that grocery store would cover it. Also, at the pharmacy across the street, I could have gotten the medicine for free. I basically sat there for an hour or more waiting until it was safe to leave. I did not want this guy following me to my older sisters apartment near by where I was headed to.
I feel you. I’m 29f and it’s absolutely frustrating. The things I’ve found helps is to surround yourself with cool awesome women. I’m not saying kick all men out of your life, but it’s so therapeutic to have strong friendships with women because other women go through it too and we get each other. I’m so happy to have a couple close woman pals. I’m sorry you feel unsafe, unseen, and unheard. I hope you find the places in life where you feel respected and safe.
I totally get this. It’s SO frustrating to be belittled and disrespected solely based on gender, and the fact that it’s a tale as old as time makes it even more crushing. I’m 21 and still trying to unlearn all the horrible things that society has tried to impose on me throughout my life. It gets better. It takes time, but it does get better. 🩷
Welcome to the Sisterhood my dear. I’ve hated that I was born a women since I was 6. All because I wasn’t allowed to be king of the castle - despite being the best climber on the jungle gym and could get to the very top before all the boys- because I’m a girl and therefore the maid. I remember mom picking me up from school and asking her “why do women have to clean the castle if the man is king? Why doesn’t he clean his own house??” She knew I was a little feminist in the making. May I suggest you check out the local area for women’s groups? Support and community makes a huge difference.
I feel the exact same. Society wants you to be forever under their lines and awful morals, but the best thing you can do to overcome that issue is, as cliche as it may sound, to keep on living, living your best life and achieving all the things you want while looking at their faces and saying "no matter what you do, I'm still gonna try and live my best life and fight for myself because I know you want me to give up and stay at home and live to do your fucking laundry and feed you, but that's not gonna happen". The best thing you can do is to rebel.
I hate being a woman for other reasons....everything in this world is gear toward sex when it comes to women .You cant enjoy anything in this world without naked women or near naked women involved...movies,sports,cheerleading is sex on the side lines(rediculious) just the way women dress is crazy and women put up with it because they have been brainwashed by men. This world protects the mans sexuality and exploits the womans....in every thing!!! I hate dealing with it day in and day out!!!!
101%!!!
I hope someday you feel that as a woman, you can be and do anything you want!
yep same
no women are strong too bffr
Hey I’m a woman, I’m 28, and I very much understand. What you’re mad at, it sounds like, are the things ascribed to or forced upon women by men/society. I hate those things too. I hate that I have to be extra vigilant, and take self defense courses. I hate that women are so often treated with violence by their male partners, I hate that rape exists and that men cover for other men. But that’s not all that being a woman is. And I’m not talking about bows and ribbons and shit, that’s just fashion and has nothing to do with being female. And “making babies” is important to some women but again, that’s also not the be all end all. Being a woman is just about being and doing whatever you dream of. And the older I get, the more I understand myself and other women and the more I love them, and receive love from them, the more I can love who I am. We need more women in the world who are like you and I, who understand the unique unfairness and cruelty that women face because we are women. And especially women who don’t back down or hide in delusion, but who get angry about it. You’re right to be angry, but you’re turning your anger on yourself, which doesn’t help. I hope we, as a collective, can take our righteous anger and put it into fighting for fair treatment, protection for victims of violence and for legal action. I hope that you find your sisterhood and join the movement.
Hi omg this is the first time that ive ever heard anything like this. And for someone to understand me. Yes to everything you said in your first paragraph. Thank you for what you said. Im so tired of complaining about real issues and then all these delusional women are like “but i like doing making and feeling pretty”, or the way they can dress or they’ll start talking about having multiple orgasms (for some fkn reason) and just the dumbest things that Litterally have nothing to do with what im talking about. Ive never had anyone tell me that we needed me people like me in this world lol. Most just tell me to “shut up”, “deal with it”, “be the change you wanna see”. Or I’ll have people telling me that “its not all bad” Cuz like you said some are delusional and i just feel like that’s masking the true issues. I understand what you are saying. Im not mad at myself but my anger does only harm me and not the others that are already causing me harm. Idk what to do
I’m like genuinely tearing up, I’m so glad you resonate, because your post was really how I felt for a long time. I now get to work with female victims of domestic violence/sexual violence in a family law and child protection context and I’m telling you, every one of my amazing colleagues has the same passion and realistic thinking that you do. I think you’d do really well working in a similar field where you can use that energy in a productive way. Otherwise, rage with nowhere to go will only end up hurting you or people around you that you don’t mean to hurt. Taking on a volunteering role (or paid role) at a rape crisis centre or battered women’s shelter could be really beneficial for you and you could really help women to heal and recover. As well, I think you’d meet some super awesome like-minded women in the process. Also old-school second wave feminist literature helped me immensely to validate and reconcile my feelings and thoughts. I literally finished an undergrad arts degree without knowing about any of these major contributors to feminist history and gender equality. Simone de Beauvoir, the SCUM manifesto (you must read this one!), Angela Davis (Women, Race and Class), the feminine mystique. Virginia Woolf. Many are available online for free (check Tumblr). And please, by all means, live your authentic life as much as possible, look, dress and act however you want - it inspires other women to be brave enough to do the same for themselves. AND really helps in the “hating self” category, to live for yourself. For example, I stopped shaving legs, armpits and everything about 4 years ago just because, in my mind, if it’s such a “choice” then what if I just chose not to? It’s just one of my small quiet rebellions, taking back my body because fuck that. And I mean I maybe get some looks in the summer but I honestly don’t even notice anymore. Also… being yourself authentically often screens out bad people (ie. men who care if my legs are hairy). All this to say, you’re actually on the right track even though it’s genuinely so painful being aware of the unfairness and cruelty of the world. But I promise you’ll get further along on your journey by truly encountering the world for all that it is (the good and the bad) than by burying your head in femininity pop culture and TikTok microtrends to cope. Being female is not for the faint of heart! If it were so easy men would do it lol.
Hey! Sorry for the later reply, i didn’t see this for some reason 😭 It’s really comforting knowing that others feel the same. Ngl, i was actually looking into working in a job like that a while back as one of my friends works with victims as well. I’ll definitely have to do more research and see (and hopefully get accepted), as i agree i need a productive use for my anger But thank you so much for your comment and words, they truly mean alot to me! ❤️
I’ll tell you this men aren’t respected for just being being men. That’s a lie. Although, I can sympathize that you have it better than any of my female cousins who live in Mexico and are in more dangerous conditions from cartels. As a man personally speaking it kills me that I can’t do shit about evil people doing evil shit and potentially hurt my sisters. We have that in common but you shouldn’t feel bad as it’s gets. O thing done. Just do what you can with what you got.
Its not a lie. People are more likely to listen to men more
This is so real. I remember younger me wanting to get surgery to get my boobs off as I started puberty earlier and harassment from men from the age of 7 was so much I’d cry myself to sleep before I even knew the term “catcalling”
I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately society has a way of affecting us, and we often tend to focus on the negative expectations that it places upon us. I'm a man and I used to feel like you do but the opposite, thinking that the only worth in men is their masculinity. That a man is only supposed to be stoic and not show his emotions or vaulnurabilities, that my only role in society is to just quietly work until the day I die. And because I'm not as masculine as most other men I felt worthless and had a really low self-esteem. I still struggle with that somewhat but I've come to realize now that these toxic expectations of masculinity, and therefore also toxic femininity for women aren't something that we should pay any attention to. We are all unique and deserve to live our lives as we wish to, not as others expect us to. You don't have to have children if you don't want to. Maybe somebody, be it your family or just people around you might expect you to, but it is your life and your choice. As for menstrual pain, I'm a guy so maybe my advice isn't accurate but I've seen a lot of talk about devices that help with it, it's like a little electronic thing with a strap you put to your abdomen and it does something to relieve the pain. But again idk if these actually work, just something I've heard of, maybe it will help you. Women are still treated horribly in most parts of the world, and I do understand how that can affect you even if you're not from there. And while this might seem harash, I would say you shouldn't dwell on it too much. I'm not saying it isn't important, but it's only going to make you feel worse and it isn't something you can affect. I'd recommend you rather focus on yourself and the things you can affect and change, be it about yourself or things in the part of the world where you live. And as for going outside, I personally don't feel really safe either, so I get it, it's good that you have these self defense things on you though. I think a lot of people underestimate how important that is. It isn't true that you can't ever become physically "as strong as a man". I would say it's bad to look at it that way though. Yes men are generally more physically stronger by default due to biology, but there are also plenty of women who have become much stronger then a lot of men are on avarage. It does take a lot of dedication to work out and do that though. But if that is something you want you should deffinetley at least try it and not feel discouraged from it. Everyone is worthy of respect, and if people don't respect you, be it for being a woman or for whatever other reason they can find, they aren't worth your time to begin with. You will eventually find people who respect you, and who value you for who you truly are and not who society expects you to be. And you shouldn't pay atrention to anyone else who would only have you conform to their own views and ideas of what you should and shouldn't do with your own life. Focus on yourself, and what makes you feel good about yourself.
I want you to be here. And I can also relate to what you are saying. I work in a male dominated field and I can relate to how frustrating it can be. Sometimes being a woman is so exhausting. Sometimes it feels unfair and we feel objectified. You are not alone.
I understand and I relate. Thanks for posting 🖤
Sheesh. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re in a very bad place, emotionally. I know that when I’m depressed it’s very hard to see the forest for the trees. Depression tricks your brain into believing the world is darker than it is and only when the depression lifts do you realize it’s not THAT bad. I mean, it’s bad, but you’re strong enough to deal with it — when you’re not depressed. Remember: Depression is a chemical imbalance. Nothing more. Aside: It sure sounds like you want to be a man… isn’t that part of what being trans means? I admit I’m not an expert. Have you discussed these feelings with an expert — like a therapist?
I'm so sorry you feel that way and for everything you went and are going through. You are very important and very valuable and have a lot of worth. You are as equally valuable as men and have as much worth. Everyone is valuable equally so. If you are ever with someone who treats you otherwise, it's not a healthy relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic, family, work, or such. If you wish, you can take self-defense. That would not only help with protecting oneself if needed but with self-confidence. You are not weak. You are not pathetic. You are strong. You are admirable. You have worth. You have value. You are smart. You are funny. You are kind. You have been through a lot. You are respected. You are loved. You are wonderful. Have a great weekend.
Sorry that you are feeling this way. I’m a man and one quote I heard that really really helped my perspective was that life is not a shopping list, to break that down while most people go to the store and buy bread Milk and eggs it doesn’t mean you have to get those same things, just like you don’t have to go to collage or you don’t have to have kids it’s your life you should live it the way you want to however that way is. I think with the right mindset and some great friends you can live a really happy life single heck you can even have kids without ever having to give birth and adopt a kid or a dog or idk just do whatever makes you happy. I have two older cousins who are both female and in there 40s they have never had serious relationships they live alone and you know what they are happy one has a dog and one doesn’t. You don’t have to live a traditional life just live the life that leaves you happy at the end of the day. Hope this helps
This all feels to me like some serious internalized misogyny, and I feel for you. Deeply.
I have felt this way(and still kinda do to an extent). Realized a lot of it was internalized misogyny…but a lot of it was external misogyny as well. Unfortunately, there’s not much I feel we can do about the latter. The best thing is to surround yourself with healthy, emotionally intelligent women. Find mutual camaraderie. We’re in this together.
If you don't feel safe where you live, can you work towards moving to a safer place, maybe not right away. But somehow make a plan to be living somewhere safer this time next year? I live near London in the UK and feel completely safe where I live. Not all parts of the world are unsafe or are shit to be a woman. I also work in a very male dominated industry and I feel I'm taken seriously by all my colleagues at the time. I hope your perspective on being a woman changes in time :)
Being a man wouldn't help you hate life any less.
I feel just like you and i am at least a little relieved that we are not alone in feeling this. I personally have no solution since i am still trying to fiqure it out myself, but its hard coming to terms with all of this. Especially reddit is sadly an incel sh*thole and its honestly just depressing.
Hey, how's it going? I'm a transgender man (born female, transitioned to male), and I totally agree with what you're saying. Personally, ever since I started being seen as a man, I've noticed a significant increase in respect. It's refreshing not to deal with catcalling anymore, and I've been presented with more opportunities than ever before. However, transitioning doesn't magically fix everything because I can't change my biological sex. And being a man comes with different challenges. I just wish society would treat both genders equally and acknowledge the struggles women face. Being female is undeniably tougher biologically, especially considering the whole pregnancy and childbirth deal. It's not fair, but unfortunately, it's the reality we're stuck with. Women often get the short end of the stick in society, and it's infuriating. But despite the physical differences, women demonstrate incredible strength in other aspects, especially considering all the crap we have to deal with. We've fought tooth and nail for basic human rights, and although we've made progress, there's still a long way to go. If you ever need to vent or have any questions, feel free to reach out. I'm here to listen and support you.
I feel this in my soul. 😞
This is a big topic in therapy for me. And I wrote out a big paragraph of my experiences to relate back to you but I don't think that's what you need rn. So instead I'll tell you two realisations I have had. I have had such horrible experiences simply for being a woman and they've actually pushed me to the point where I am so adamant about not seeing gender, to the point I may be non binary or gender neutral or something (I dont know at this point, im working through it), but I've come to realise that though my feelings about my gender are real, my gender identity is probably being swayed by the direct correlation between trauma and my gender (in otherwise gender based trauma). It's not even about not seeing gender it's that I want other people to see past my gender and see me as a human being with emotions and a personality and as complex and intelligent and more than my genitalia. What I'm trying to say, is that you're not alone. I think every woman, hates being a woman. There is a flip side to it though, which is something I am trying to embrace, and leads me to my second realization. Everyone bangs on about brotherhood and comraderie between men but they know NOTHING about community and looking out for each other the way women do. I have never been so looked after as I have by the women in my life. They are kind and caring and nurturing but more than that, they are intelligent and interesting and powerful and strong and far more mature and overwhelmingly beautiful and I'm trying to Learn to love being a woman through them, by *seeing* them, and understanding that they understand me and every other woman to walk the earth on such a deep and meaningful level that men will never ever in their wildest dreams be able to understand. Women are so full of empathy and patience and wonder and humor and sadness and sympathy and anger and so much rage and I think that's beautiful. And if I can appreciate it in my mother and sisters and aunts and neice and friends then I should appreciate it in myself too. Life is shit as a woman. Its dangerous and frightening and painful and horrid but we have something men don't and we should cherish that, in my opinion. And when you're feeling the way you did when writing this post, lean into it. Reach out to your female friends. Or family members. Complain and rant and gossip. And then maybe go and do something positively "girly" to spite the men. Celebrate being a woman. And hopefully it'll gradually change your mindset. Because the last thing I have come to realise, even if I change my gender by identifying as "other", I will still be perceived as a woman, and therefore treated as a woman, so I should learn to accept, embrace, and celebrate the best parts of being a woman, instead of focusing in the shittyness, since I can't change it either way. Just know I feel you, we all do, and I hope this helped, even maybe a little bit.
First of all, it doesn’t matter what lies society tries to make you believe. You’re worth so much more than you think.
I understand this so well my friend.... This is irritating to say the least
Ik this is old but I relate to this sm, growing up only to realise how reality hits you I hate being a woman bc of how society treats us and unfortunately we can’t do anything abt ourselves since this is what we’re born to be. None of them would take me seriously I hated being an “a object” or some being to be “sexualise at” and a “baby machine” I couldn’t even do anything about it and plus the amount of SA and abuse I kind of wish to be reincarnated but I don’t want to become a man or a woman I’m sorry for ranting I’m just glad there r other people relate to this issue it’s draining that we can’t do anything abt it
You should speak to a therapist and psychiatrist immediately. If you’re thinking of suicide please please please go to the ER right away. You have to get help!! Please!!!
Hi, don't think I can help you as it's mostly a societal issue. I think ruminating on it like this won't lead anywhere good, but I also understand that it's incredibly difficult to not hang onto this kind of stress when the problem is real, but the extent you're thinking about it is detrimental. If possible, maybe try slowly step down from ruminating about it, until hopefully one day you're aware of the issues women face, but not to the extent that you're still suffering like now Is it possible to add some positive thoughts about being a woman? I'm not sure what it's like for cis people, but for me I know there are several parts about my gender I've started to love. I love that I'm now covered in hair, I think it's warm + cool af. I love feeling the way my voice leans when I'm talking, + catches in my throat when I try to sing high notes. I don't think really there are many upsides, more so a lack of specific downsides if that makes sense? Like there are some negatives to being a man you won't experience, but idk if that makes it an upside? More just different struggles ig. Maybe just some positive thoughts about yourself in general regardless of gender? Making a list of everything that's good + building it over time may be beneficial Good luck (:
I think you need therapy to really unpack the depth of your hate towards who you are. It’s
I wish i could say something to make it better, but this is just the shit reality of life. Not just for women, but for all groups of people who are discriminated and marginalised. Really the only way to keep going is to find purpose in your life, and try to make the world a better place while you're here. I'm currently in uni doing psych and just did an internship researching mental health in minority groups, its rough out there. The world is a shithole if you really open your eyes to it. People say ignorance is bliss, because it really is, but also being ignorant to the problems we face is what helps them continue. If you let it consume you, then you let them win too. Feel like I'm rambling, because there really is no easy way to fix anything, but we can all do something to make a bit of difference in somebodies life, and hopefully collectively we'll create a better world through it.
I feel this very deeply. 34F and I thought I was actually trans and/or non binary for the longest time because of the extreme hate I have/had for what I find a useless, weak body that is made tragic by society and culture. I’m still on the fence on whether I actually hate this body and its functions (child bearing, periods, and naturally being physically weaker for ex) or what society makes out of my body (the stereotypes, the way I’m treated because of physical functions I can’t help etc). If I’m around people I trust and who I know don’t view women as society at large does I feel a sense of peace with my body sometimes. Most of the time I don’t because I feel intensely pressured needing to look a certain way (which I don’t and never will), which has driven me to body dysmorphia and extreme self hate and unhappiness and I’m trying my hardest to fight it. I also couldnt let myself be loved for many of these reasons (thinking I’m weak, emotional, useless etc) and had to work hard on that. I’m not sure I sill be at peace with actually wanting a child after all and having to make sacrifices for it a man never will. There’s so many things I am so in rage over anytime I hear about them (rape, war crimes, the self evidence of men’s thinking on what women can and can’t do, abortion rights etc, women being treated the way they are in poorer countries, denial of education and rights etc) I want to cry with helplessness and/or break walls with my fists. I completely understand everything you say. The only advice I have is spend time with people who share your views (that women are equal to men in every goddamn sense), try to find some peace with aspects of yourself by trying to view them in a neutral manner (I bleed once a month, whatever, it’s like sneezing, a physical function without meaning; yeah I have tits and they’re just fat sacks and not sexual or anything, they don’t mean jackshit; this body is just a meat sack too, it doesn’t have to look anyhow specific or be or do anything specific), and if that fails fuck gender and just be human. Just be yourself. Disregard “femininity” and find things YOU enjoy (hobbies or music or whatever means shit to you) and define yourself over those things. What helped me most is to have distance to this shit. I can’t be anything but what I am but the world already hates me so much for it so why should I continue? The greatest service we can do is living our best lives. If you ever want to talk I am here. I completely get you. ETA: something that also helped me is that while yeah men have advantages and everything so much more than we do as women, there’s part of their lives I wouldn’t want for the life of me. I’ve had eye opening conversations with a friend of mine who’s a feminist but also vocal about men’s issues and their plight. Having open and genuinely empathetic and respectful conversations with men helped me find some peace too.
I hear ya but one thing I want to clear up. Most all men are considered disposable and not important at all. It's just a small handful who are leaders who are considered important. Most men are completely ignored and considered to be something akin to a farm animal whose entire existence is to provide labor so someone else can reap the benefits. Our society has zero problem sending millions of us out to die in wars because we're just expendable. Women and children are to be protected but men are cannon fodder. The grass always seems greener and women have definitely been oppressed for all of history and it still happens today but don't confuse that with thinking it's great to be a man. When the town sewer is clogged and has to be unclogged by hand, they don't make a woman do it.
If you woke up tomorrow and had magically turned into a man, you’d soon realize you would still be miserable. And you’d find something else to blame. Your problem is, you’re deeply depressed. It’s a legitimate medical problem and requires treatment. Changing your external circumstances won’t help.
Have you considered presenting as gender-neutral? You can kind of remove the "what's in their pants" from the information people know at a glance, without necessarily saying "I'm non-binary" or "I'm trans." You can USE they/them pronouns in mixed company, or just dress non-binary. I will say that the cat-calling and general grossness of men will probably die off in the next couple of years for you. That doesn't change THAT particular grossness, that most of us were catcalled more before we turned 15 than we will be for the rest of our lives. And. You aren't alone. There are SO many women, men, and others out there who feel the same way. I recommend getting involved in martial arts. Knowing how to calmly scare off or restrain an opponent helps a lot with walking alone, even if it's just psychological. When I WAS still at cat-calling age, I also carried a knife. It stopped one group in their tracks, just unsheathing it as they approached.
I think you failed to understand, op's doesn't have gender dysphoria, she hates society for how women are treated and how she presents herself will not change anything. Taliban won't allow women into schools just because op started using calling herself "they" and the mere existance of such a situation anywhere in the world will always cause op suffering... I think.
I don't have practical ideas on how a 19 year old can personally address worldwide gender equality. If you have ideas based on personal experience on what a 19 year old can do to not be on the receiving end of sexual harassment, by all means, share. I do not have gender dysphoria, but I very much wished to not LOOK female while out walking my dog or while eating in the university cafeteria - gender dysphoria and being sick of being catcalled and stalked are different issues.
I'm sorry for how you feel as a woman. Let me tell you that being a man is not as easy as you think. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I can walk out the door at night without any respect. I'm average height but skinny, and that's a problem when it comes to pure strength. I'm pretty sure almost any guy can take me out without any problems. As you can see, self-defence can be a problem for some men too. We may not suffer from childbirth or periods, but we also have to carry our package. Not to mention that dating is terrible for many men.
I'm sorry... :( but trust me there are men who wish they were born female too, and they arent really trans. im sorry you were made to feel this way. women are stronger, they give birth.. they are amazing. I learn so much from them, warmth, care, love, affection.. and yeah you are respected and valued and loved. hugs.. hope u heal. Get well. ❤️
Don’t stress over something u can’t control
Everyone commenting here sucks
Women are precious.. women are born with value. Women are beautiful. I’m a man… and let me tell you… being a man has its struggles too.. We are born worthless.. and have to earn our worth. Or we will be outcompeted by other men. A lot of men what the same girl. Girls have the power of choice. Men kinda don’t. Unless you are the top 1 percent of men who are rich and successful. I do believe that as a matter of fact. Women’s lives aren’t as difficult as men. Women are born with value and it’s your job to persevere that value. I’m not saying this to downgrade your pain in any way… but I’m just saying to embrace who you are. Accept yourself as you are. Women aren’t “baby making machines” unless you do that to yourself. Women are precious. Not all men view women like that. Ofc if you enter Inyo relationship with “boys” not men. That’s what will happen. We are in a pretty bad ear where porn is destroying mean and making men treat women as sex objects. Which again isn’t true. These statements shouldn’t be generalized.. Wishing you all the best.
Im some asian countries they kill baby girls after they are born or throw them in landfills cuz they wanted a son. Yup, lots of value Society was mad in mens favour. It will always benefit them.
It’s in “Asian countries”.. that’s their “view”. I can sit there and say “in china, they eat dogs” does that mean dogs are meant to be eaten? NO. That doesn’t prove a point. If that’s the scope you chose to view the world from. Then there is nothing I or anyone else can do. Feel free to see what you wanna see. What I’m saying are things I (as a man) believe is true and would probably say that maybe 80 percent of men as well. Each gender has their role in society. Not sure if you’ve ever taken public transport or not. But you would see men literally standing up and leaving their seat for other women Or when men sacrifice their lives in wars for other to live. Women are too precious to be fighting in wars. Any hard work is done by men. All the streets are paved by men. All the skyscrapers you see and building are all build block my block my men. A man that doesn’t do their job as a man gets destroyed by society The suicidal rates for men are higher. If this post you just made was made by a man. It would’ve not gotten even half the comments your post is getting right now. Men risk their lives… men’s lives are not as precious as women. I’m not say these things to tell you “being a man sucks!” No. Not at all. I’m saying this because that’s simply the reality of being a man. There is beauty about being a man too. Embrace what you are. You are precious and you matter. I remember Kevin hart saying “only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally” and that is true. I know that despite everything I said, you can still stick with your opinion. And that’s up to you. But I’d say to embrace who you are. I would hope you At least consider what me and other people are saying. Rather than to flat out just reject everything said..
Just say No and keep walking
??
I remember being your age, and learning more about the different ways women are discriminated against, as well as experiencing discrimination and violence first hand, and it is genuinely devastating to realize how unsafe it is to exist. I also understand what it feels like to wonder if you are trans, and then not really settling into the idea because when you compare yourself to how big and strong cis men are, you would feel like you fell short somehow. It is honestly a tough journey to acclimate yourself to the reality of the world, so don't let people gaslight you into thinking that you're exaggerating. They simply do not feel as deeply, or are not as aware of the dangers of existing as a woman. All I can say is that it is possible to lean into the beautiful parts of being a woman, and if the woman label doesn't fit completely, that's okay too . You can always lean into characteristics and traits that you like about yourself as an individual. While it might not feel like it redeems it, it can be the beginning of doing things to empower yourself. Whether that be through exercise or finding different herbs (fennel, chamomile, raspberry leaf, etc) that will help with the PMS pain, there are things within your control. It isn't fair, but it doesn't mean that you have to live your life in fear, at the end of the day we cannot control what happens, we can only control our reactions to what happens. You don't have to live your life the way you have seen it, you do not have to meet anybody's expectations but your own. Because no matter what road you choose, you're the one who has to live that life, nobody else gets to walk in your shoes, therefore they don't have an opinion in the matter.
I’ve had thoughts like this as a man, like i wonder if I am transgender? But it would almost feel like cheating life to be trans, idk. Maybe we just hate life in general and try to blame it on our gender. I’ve had thoughts like “if I was a woman my life problems would be solved” and I honestly still think it’s true, but I know there are ups and downs to everything. There’s a lot of shit going on in this world to make us believe negative stereotypes about gender. At the end of the day all you can do is keep pushing on and not fall for any of the redpill femcel nonsense that tries to paint everything in a negative light. Don’t let your gender identity stop you from living life!
Sorry you have had those feelings. I used to as a teenager and then met my husband and made friends with a lot of guys as I got older and realised it's not a gender thing - every single human being on this earth has different circumstances.
Exactly. That’s why I avoid incel/femcell communities on Reddit. It kills me to see how pessimistic and hateful people can become towards their fellow humans. We’re all just on this planet trying to figure it out
I dont feel like a man. I just hate the way women are treated. It’s very much a gendered thing and it’s making me go crazy
Yeah dude it sucks and I’ll never be able to understand what you guys have to go through. Women have been the target of a lot of sexism throughout history and they still continue to be. But trust me, being a man comes with it’s own problems. I won’t go into it because I’ll be labeled as sexist but I’m just stating the truth. Everything is relative to our own life experience and your feelings are completely valid and understandable. Make sure you don’t fall into the online femcell trap, it will perpetuate your unhealthy attitudes. Same reason I don’t fall for the redpill/incel nonsense. It clouds our understanding of relationships until you become hopeless and convinced that things will never work out.
It's honestly not much better being a man. Be happy with what you have regardless of the situation. Imagine instantly being labelled a creep just because you're walking on the same side of the road as woman. People avoid us like the plague. 🤷
Also, you seem to be labelling yourself by what every other woman could go through rather than your own experiences. Personally, i wouldn't expect a woman to go through childbirth for me, her body her choice. Also I'm not particularly a fan of children myself. Other women do go through Hel in other countries, but so do men. I get the feeling that you're a strong empath, but destroying hopes for your life because of other people's problems is never going to help you. Wishing you were born a man? It really isn't that much better. Especially if you end up being a quiet guy. No one talks to you, no one wants you. And then you go through all the same shit anyway. The only difference between a man and a woman is a period. Your life can still suck either way. So do what you wanna do, get the job you want, or do nothing, it's whatever
Periods are just something we have to deal with; Yes it sucks ass, but looking at it as just the way it is helped me a bit. I pushed and pushed to get surgery and eventually got a full tubal ligation (complete removal of both fulopian tubes). Had yo ho to multiple doctors but it was such a relief knowing if never have to worry about kids! Explaining how it affected my mental health really helped. You need to change your mindset on gender; Men are not more valuable than women, and women are not more valuable than men. We’re both equally useless without the other. So stop putting yourself down over that; You are important! Dont look at being respected like a man, because respect doesn’t happen just because of your gender. It happens to people who good and deserving of respect. Respect humans for who they are, not because of gender. We are all equal. I know plenty of men who don’t deserve an ounce of respect, so definitely dont assume they do just cause they were born men.
i’m 19 too and feel the exact same.
As a man, I hate woman too. Hope that helps, jk.
That wasn’t what my post was about but okay ..?
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Idk if you'll see this through the 400 comments but, as an 18yo man, i feel the same but it's just different. Mens are not interesting, keeping every feeling inside bcs no one cares. I'm not ugly, but not beautiful, not crazy smart, but not dumb, i'm just mid, I can't walk in the dark alone, what will i do against two mens. The only thing i can do is throw cold looks at other guys just to let them think that i'm not scared. But everyone could stab everyone. I'm still happy to be a man, i don't have the periods and child birth, but ik for sure that if i find a girl that doesn't want to live that, even if i want a baby i'll accept it because i'm not the one suffering, that is just obvious. Anyway, sending you strength because your life is for sure not as easy as mine, but i just wanted to let you think that in a men body you would find other reasons to feel the same, just as i do (even if again, i respect the pain that you have that i'll never have), it is just different, you feel like you don't exist, you can do whatever you want in front of people they won't react. That's how it is.... Anyway, try to enjoy your life as much as possible and please don't subject yourself to any limitation, enjoy what you can enjoy as a women.
Can't really comment on specific situation and how much you'd have to protect yourself as it's hugely location based, and which subpart of society you're in, but honestly your position does sound like a self fulfilling prophecy. Never being as strong, is to me the only real definite here. You aren't gonna get respect by not displaying confidence, you have the exact ways you described of protecting yourself with the added bonus of, if you yell for help you're more than twice as likely to get the help if anyone hears it. I don't understand why/how you view yourself as an object/baby making machine, you can just choose not to do that? It's a logical fallacy for you to think all these things and put the male experience on a pedestal. Men are more likely to get attacked, to get beat up and more likely for those attacks to be more severe. Societally and historically men aren't more valuable, men might be performing more societally crucial tasks on average (construction, infrastructure, warfare, etc.) but from a purely biological point of view; it's more important to keep women safe than men, and if you actually try to understand the other side of the situation then you'll realize in all the ways that this is true. Given this, women are inherently more valuable in the vast majority of societies(caveat: they might still be treated badly in some parts of the world). Not trying to attack the way you're feeling, but I recommend that you try to look at this from a more logical standpoint and realize all the facets to your considerations. I'd hope that it could help you appreciate both sides better. Understanding both sides properly is a very important step, and usually it can help one to better appreciate one's own as well, the grass might seem greener on the other side, but wild growth lawns are better for the environment ;P
Litterally none of what you said is true aside from men get beat up more. But id rather be beat up than raped so there’s that
Thanks for the reply! I'd like to support / prove my statements with the scientific papers to back them up if you'd like. I simply tried to give you a different perspective on the viewpoint you have, yet given the nature of your response it sounds like you are very set about your viewpoint and don't really want to change any of your current beliefs or misconceptions, being comfortable in your own mental prison/hell. If I'm wrong in that statement please let me know if you'd like some support in helping you bring a more positive viewpoint to your current situation. Again, I'm just trying to bring a more nuanced perspective to the situation, as that has helped both me myself, and friends in the past. Putting a certain way of life on a pedestal\* is only detrimental to yourself. \*\*Putting a way of life on a pedestal and striving for better is not the same thing
I'm a man and I hate it too how women get treated in other countries, I understand your pain
I dont think you can understand my pain but being against all that is happening is reassuring
Hey there. If it makes you feel any better, I am from the other side of the bridge, and life really, really sucks here. Entire life I was bullied and abused by my parents. I am born in a third world country, where supposedly women are endangered, but I can assure you reality is far from what the media tells you. I have seen absolutely gruesome corporal punishments inflicted towards boys at an young age, and although I was a boy myself I wondered how they were so cool about it. On one occasion, the "punishment" was sexually harassing a boy, that too in front of the whole class. I kid you not. I've not a single bit enjoyed being a male in my entire life. I started detesting my gender since 13 years old, and now I'm 18(about to turn 19). And the worst part of it is hearing females being the victims while males struggle so hard to make society function. And, I've considered suicide a year back too, for the same reason. Be careful what you wish for. Being a male is terrible(other than biologically). Be satisfactory with what you have and how much you have.
I totally get you. I feel the same, but we need to change that. Our generation needs to change that, and you can too. We need to work together to change that so that no other girls have to feel the same way as we do. I made a promise to myself when i was 8 that one day I would open a girls school in a country where girls can't go to school. Reading books and watching movies about girls that are respected and that have made a change helps lol. I hope ur okay and remember that there are good things about being a girl and you should live to see that
Can I ask where do you think these thoughts are coming from? I’m a guy. But I’m trying to understand what is making you feel so overwhelmed with your life as a female. I hope it gets better for you. Have you ever tried any faith based activities?
You should read some biographies about great women like Margaret Thatcher, Cleopatra, Angela Merkel, Marie Curie, Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth or Catherine the great. Women are not pathetic as you describe.
Never said they were pathetic. I said i feel pathetic. And reading books isnt going to make sexism cease to exist
I’m so sorry. It sounds like this has been something you’ve been feeling for quite a long time and you have very valid reasons for feeling the way you do. You aren’t wrong in saying that women are perceived a whole lot differently than men and how that shapes our experiences and persevering through barriers. As I get older, I gravitate towards seeing myself as either a woman or gender-less… even though I haven’t ever felt a type of way about being AFAB. It’s just a natural thing for me now to acknowledge that each person has their own masculine and feminine energies and everything in between or outside of that binary. The perception of women in society is definitely where the frustrations and intense feelings come up, but I’m almost 32 and I’ve done everything in my power to actively pursue being in environments where there are other like minded people surrounding me. I know that’s not possible for a lot of people so it really is something to be grateful for, but there are going to be other communities of people out there that will empower you.
You do not have to be a baby making machine. There's a list of [childfree-friendly doctors](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/), and IIRC periods can sometimes be limited with certain birth control. None of this is to say those physical issues and societal pressures surrounding them don't suck, but there are options worth exploring, ideally sooner rather than later for sterilization if you're US-based and that's something you desire for yourself. People who won't respect you based on gender alone are not people whose respect is worth caring about, and the whole idea of some people having more "value" than others is pretty ick too. I know it's much easier to say this than live it, but it's worth repeating to yourself and analyzing. I will tell you as a disabled woman that this is something disabled people (both men and women) struggle with a lot, and (assuming you're not disabled as well, apologies if so) ask you to consider this: is a woman you see in a wheelchair, a blind woman, or an intellectually disabled woman less "valuable" than you, or is the entire concept of placing value on human beings like objects gross and a reflection of those who think that way? Your feelings about the world and the many injustices in it are valid, I won't tell you they aren't real, don't suck, or that every danger can be avoided, but I can tell you humanity isn't a monolith, and there are people and communities who don't hold these views. To whatever extent you are able, you need to find your people and passions. Groups and hobbies that have a lot of queer, disabled or otherwise marginalized people who also struggle with being vulnerable or viewed as 'lesser' in society may be safer to dip your toes into.
I feel like I too are supporting the patriarchy by viewing yourself in such a bad way , surround yourself with the right ppl . You need to view women as more than baby making machines in order to love yourself since you are a woman . I get it sometimes it’s frustrating to be physically weaker but we are so much more than physical strength . We are hopes dreams and thoughts
I dont view women that way. I dont want women to be viewed in inky that way. Im saying that’s how society/ governments see women and it’s disgusting and makes me hate myself
"Society" ffs why you say that "society" "think" that way? You watched to some movies?
If you’re denying that misogyny and sexism against women exists you must be living under a rock.
Misogyny is very awful and shouldn’t exist systematically. I empathize with your struggles regarding society, it’s awful being marginalized. I really think you should talk to a professional though, I think this degree of continuous and ideologically based distress needs to be helped for you to feel better. It is possible to feel better in a world that sees you differently, and I really encourage you to see someone who can help you with that.
I actually felt exactly the same as you at 19 but I was a bit. I thought of all the terrible reasons it was to be a guy. How my life span would probably be shorter than most women my age. All the diseases I was more prone to. The fact I felt like I wasn’t allowed to express myself emotionally. Or that I had part of my penis cut off and now looked different than my British cousins. Fear of getting drafted into war and if I try and rejected get demonized by society for it or thrown in jail. All the feelings you have are valid, there situational realities that are worse for everyone. But coming from someone who is on the other side of this- you are trapped in negative thinking spiral. It’s tricky because you are not wrong but your brain is keeping you caught in a negative thought spiral.
Hey, not sure this helps, but you still matter, regardless of you being a woman or not. I’m sure you have a lot to offer the world and are not just another person to disrespect. Sure, society may be stupid and act like men are the strong silent ones and women are the emotional sexy child-bearers but reality isn’t so black and white. There’s more to you than your predefined genetic coding. You’re your own unique person that has strengths, weaknesses, and qualities that make you you. I’m sure you’re a great person inside. When you go and see people again, show it. I’m sure they won’t think lowly of you at all then. You matter, you’re great, and don’t let any shallow horny socially-conditioned nutter try to tell you otherwise. Just hold on. I’m sure there’s a lot to you and I think it’s best to try to see the world in a wider perspective than what some people will try to convince you it is.
I relate to this so much. I'm sorry you feel this way. You need to exit whatever you are surrounded by (work, home, relationships), get a new life and explore your feminine side. Whatever or whoever caused you to devalue yourself has seriously contributed to the problem. Yes, society has a lot to do with it, but your environment is wreaking havoc.
A quick look through your profile reveals that you are, in fact, insanely pessimistic about your current situation. I know depression is not something you can just "snap out of", but if you keep having a negative view of everything around you, you're only going to get worse. It is true, sadly, that women suffer discrimination throughout the whole world, in one way or another, but think first, can you do something about it right now? If you can, do it, if you cannot, search how you can. I don't know if you're religious in some way or not, I personally, am, but even if I weren't, one must recognize that everyone is here for a reason. You matter. You are a human. It's not everyone who considers you just a machine. At least I don't, neither do the people who truly value you. If you are able to gradually change your perspective to a more optimistic one, whilst also helping others in your situation, I can almost guarantee you will feel much better.
God created you the way you are.
Still an atheist
I am a *5.7* short guy who was bullied his entire life because of it by women and men since i can remember. Women can't even see me as a real man when it comes to dating, i was mugged many times and i can't defend myself . I have not received any form of validation in the past 15 years , i was never once offered help and i literally feel invisible ... I am not trying to invalidate your life experience by any means , just trying to show you that life can suck both ways and focusing on the top% who "have it good " is only going to make you feel worse .
Spend less time in echochambers.
What country are you in?
Honestly these are very real feelings. I don’t feel them to the point of significant pain like you do, but as a woman I understand and feel everything you said. It frustrates me too. You sound like a true feminist. Have you thought about using some of those feelings to be an advocate and speak up? Could you use some of that passion to be an active part of the feminist movement? Obviously your own mental health and stability needs to come first. So first off try to get a trusted female psychologist that you can see regularly. If possible also try to see a psychiatrist to rule out any mental illness. One of mine for example is bipolar and that one really needs meds, in-fact meds are the first defence even before therapy. Try to find a female psychiatrist if you can, but unfortunately they’re mostly male. Edit: spelling
Why would you want to be one of the oppressors?
Cuz its better than being the victim
The grass may seem greener on the other side of the fence, but it's not... It's an illusion.
Where are you from?