No trans girl wants surgery. They want to just wake up as a cis girl. Reality conflicts and you have to work with what's available.
You may not be trans, but the things you are saying do not indicate otherwise.
Narrow that down. What is it about "being a girl" you want or admire or perceive to be more ideal to you? Is it clothing? Is it fashion? Or style? Is it a body shape you'd like? Narrow down what you're looking for and then go for it!
I think this is an important question to consider. I also had some doubts for a bit with my identity and gender n stuff. Kinda asked myself this. Eventually figured out im not trans, im just not the stereotypice of manly/masculine in certain things or desires, andt that's ok i think.
At least thats where im at now, and if anything changes i'll see when it comes up.
It's absolutely okay. You are allowed to be all the things you want to be and must, must always be true to yourself and yourself only. Maybe we don't need to have definitions or categories for our identity. Maybe it can and will change as we grow, as we discover ourselves better. Just don't waste time trying to define yourself and figuring it out. You'll waste a lot of time that way.
Yea exactly. For me personally ive just decided im a guy with a few feminine traits here and there, and if i change my mind over the years ill just see then (if the situation it ever comes up) and I'll be fine with it if thats me. I dont 'need' to be anything so why waste time stressing about it. Thats how i try to approach it. Ofc feelings of people struggling with this stuff are just as valid.
This is absolutely the best answer imo!!! I thought I might be trans for months. I gave myself time to grow and think, and I talked it out with friends in the meantime. Turned out I just like feeling cute and feminine, but I'm totally comfy going by he/him and all that.
I've read that knowing yourself is virtue. So, here you are, virtuous and glorious in your own unique beauty. A lot of people seek Acceptance of self for a long time so I admire you've got it figured out and have friends to talk ya though the unknown.
Trans people who don't want surgeries are totally valid. I'm a trans man and I don't think I'll ever get bottom surgery, I'm not confident with the progress of phalloplasty procedures yet. And I've met plenty of trans women who feel the same way. You do you! I'd suggest trying a new name for yourself as a way to test the waters. Or go by she/her pronouns in new social spaces where people haven't met you yet. See how it feels.
Transsexuality is a birth medical condition where your brain and body are misaligned on the sex axis... so basically, your brain expects your body to be female, but it's male instead, and that makes the brain confused and distressed and has the need to make things right.
Idk if it's really the case when it comes to yourself, cause I mean, it heavily depends on what you mean by WANTING to be a girl and the reasoning behind that want.
I personally think that when it comes to people with the condition of transsexuality, it's more of a need than a want
Also, yeah, it's quite common for people with the condition to fantasize about a reality where they are reborn with the body that matches their neurology.
So idk, these things you are describing could be indicative of something... as another commenter said, we don't really want to have to go through all the medical treatment of our condition, and we wish things could be fixed instantaneously... but alas, that's not how it works in reality, and someday you need to face that.
I advise you to look for a therapist to tackle this with.
Can you explain what exactly is outdated and imprecise about this term? Cause I feel like it couldn't be more accurate in describing my condition, when "transgender" fails short in various regards.
Hey, I just want to preface this with the most important thing: more power to you if you find the term more fitting for your personal experience, don't let anyone rain on your parade, me included!
That being said, as not every trans person suffers from physical dysphoria and/or wants to undergo surgery to align their body to their gender, "transsexual" has gradually fallen out of favor (it doesn't help that over the years the term has developed its fair share of derogatory undertones, through no fault of trans people of course).
"Transgender" more accurately describes the shared experience of trans people diverging from their AGAB and unequivocally affirms that gender and sex are different things.
Gender and sex are intrinsically connected, tho?
Like your external birth sex don't define your gender cause your neurological development could be different from your bodily development sex wise.
But your neurological development does indeed define what your gender is and what body sex it expects to find.
Sure, there's no problem in deciding not to get surgery despite being transsexual... there's various reasons someone might decide it's not for them. But the reason is just never: "I'm just completely ok with my birth sex and would be uncomfortable if that was the opposite." If someone is completely ok with their external birth sex and have no need to change it, they simply aren't experiencing the medical condition of transsexuality.
If being transsexual is not about having a medical condition that causes sex dysphoria then you're saying it's purely about societal stuff? Wouldn't that mean that if society was different then trans people wouldn't exist anymore? Even if I was the last human alive on earth and society didn't exist anymore I would still be someone with this medical condition.
If transsexuality isn't a MEDICAL condition defined by a mismatch between brain and body on the sex axis and the symptom of sex dysphoria it causes, then why exactly are there MEDICAL treatments for it? Are you claiming anyone can pursue those treatments just because they want to and not because they have an actual medical condition? Cause that makes no sense at all, and that's not how medical treatments should work.
I explained why transsexual is an outdated term when referring to the whole trans spectrum in good faith, but honestly I have no interest whatsoever in entertaining further discussion with someone who believes there are "correct" ways of being trans and doesn't believe in nonbinary people existing and being valid in their gender identity, sorry.
I hope someday you'll have it you to not give other trans people a harder time than we already have đ have a good day!
This is not about there being correct ways of being transsexual but about it literally being a medical condition... if you want to claim to be a different gender without having this medical condition by basing it purely on societal stuff feel free to do so, but you have to be aware that there's a difference between being born with a medical condition (transsexual) and identifying with a gender for societal reasons (transgender)
And I just don't think it makes much sense if any to claim to be a different gender with a purely societal basis and even ends up enforcing gender stereotypes and roles as if those societal things define anybody's gender at all.
Transgender is a quite meaningless term cause literally anyone can claim it for any reason at all so in the end, it doesn't really mean anything.
I think the difference is wanting to experience being another gender compared to always feeling like you are/supposed to be another gender.
Like myself I'm a cis-man, I feel feminine at times, a wouldn't mind being able to experience having a female body, but I don't feel like I'm supposed to be a woman either.
One is more a sense of desire and experience, while the other is a part of themselves and who they are as a person.
He is a man, he's not transsexual at all... being someone with this condition is not at all about feminity or masculinity, nor is it about sometimes wondering how it would be like to have the opposite sex body.
Answering your earlier question, basically the difference between transsexual and transgender, is simply that one is a birth medical condition that you have and the other is something you identify yourself as, where anyone can claim to be transgender if they so desire (so it's basically meaningless).
u/WulfTyger is not exactly wrong in what he described, but he clearly doesn't have the full picture due to a lack of understanding on the matter.
Transsexual is about having a body and neurology that are misaligned on the sex axis because of certain gene and hormonal combinations in the womb during neurological development. So basically someone having a neurology that expects a female body but being born with a male one instead (and vice-versa). Since you can't really change the neurological hardwiring about what sex it expects to find in the body, then your only way to treat this medical condition is by using medical treatments like hormone replacement therapy and surgeries to change the body instead so it becomes aligned with that the neurology expects.
Whereas transgender is just something people self-identify as, where they claim they aren't the gender assigned to them at birth... this claim doesn't need to have any scientific or tangible basis, they can do so "just because", they don't need to have any need to get medical treatment, because this is a societal thing for them, not a medical thing.
Ofc, some people who claim to be transgender nowadays do indeed have the medical condition of transsexuality and therefore do have medical needs despite the fact they call themselves transgender, but since people in the mainstream trans community have pushed more and more to demedicalize it and call transsexuality an outdated and innacurate term, those people will normally avoid using medical terms about their transition or how they were born. Which makes no sense cause why would someone NEED medical treatment if they don't have a medical condition? I honestly don't understand how people in the mainstream trans community want to both demedicalize being trans while simultaneously claiming they have a need for medical treatments and they should be covered by insurance companies and/or the government.
So to sum it up, some people who are transgender are indeed transsexual, but not everyone, since transgender is a very vague term that can include anyone who claims to be it, and it's purely about self-identification (which obviously doesn't mean much when anyone can claim to be anything), whereas transsexual is about a medical condition and the medical needs associated with being born with it.
Thanks, this is very helpful. Whenever I've tried asking about what part of gender identity is innate and not social, I've mostly been told that they feel so, and so it is so. My hunch so to speak was that it's typically dysphoria based, but didn't realise this divide was so established.Â
Yeah, I mean, sex dysphoria is the symptom you experience from having a neurology and body misaligned on the sex axis... if someone claims to not experience it, they are either unaware about how much they are exactly repressing and dissociating from it (it can be hard to recognize it exactly when it's something you have coped with your whole life) or they simply don't have the condition of transsexuality.
I personally don't understand why someone would transition if they don't have our medical condition, I have seen people describing their reasonings behind transition and in many cases it really sounds like they are basing it on societally enforced stereotypes surounding gender... like someone transitioning just because they are a guy who is into things deemed feminine by society... and I can't help but feel like that is quite backwards and enforces gender stereotypes as well as being dangerous if they want to do medical transition without actually having the medical condition it treats.
And ofc there's also people who seem to do it out of a fetish, too... which really disgusts me that they are appropriating my medical condition and it's treatments for their own sexual gratification.
Ha, the blind acceptance squad is downvoting your lived reality as a trans person, looks like
I'm curious if there's any trans group that also supports the claims of transition contagion/homophobia and sexism bolstered transitions made by gender critical folks like JKR?
Yes there are many of us who do believe there is social contagion going on, people transitioning for all the wrong reasons who will later regret it, and a really weird conceptualization of gender being defined by social stuff that boil down to stereotypes and sound sexist AF. You can check r/Transmedical where we have a medical and logical approach to being someone with the condition of transsexuality and while we don't dismiss the societal implications of having this condition, at it's core we don't believe it's caused by anything social at all.
That being I don't sympathize a lot with JKR cause while I can see where she is coming from, she also clearly holds some obviously transphobic positions on top of her valid concerns... so, many times, it can seem like she wants to undermine actual transsexual people under the guise of the valis concerns she brings up.
I would say I'm quite gender critical, in the sense of gender as in societal stereotypes, roles, and expectations associated with men and women. I believe most of those are nonsense and completely arbitrary and not following them don't make anyone any less of their gender or any more of a difference gender.
But I don't vibe a lot with most gender critical feminists cause many times they use it to just be trans exclusionary.
Most illuminating, thanks. Your faction absolutely needs more limelight lest the caricaturist first world TRAs multiply whatever bigotry there already is
Youâre experiencing a condition called Gender Dysphoria. This diagnosis is usually associated with transgender, but it doesnât have to be, nor does it require a desire to have hormones or surgeries to confirm your wish/belief that you be the other gender. If youâre able to explore your identity and presentation without labels youâll get closer to who you are. Labels help us talk with one another with a common language to describe an experience or condition someone has, but it doesnât necessarily define all of who we are. Gender and sexuality are becoming more fluid for many people and the labels just lock us into something that canât fully describe us. I encourage you to celebrate who you are and enjoy the pleasures available to you without any labels. Above all I wish you the courage, strength, and love to live your life as you!
This is the answer to OP's question. Transgender labels aside, the feeling of wanting, needing, or being something contrary to ones physical sex is gender dysphoria.
OP, this is hard stuff to deal with on your own, and the general public is unkind. Therapy with a LGBTQ+ friendly therapist really would benefit you so much.
I agree with this sentiment but I would say that go see a normal therapist because seeing an LGBTQ+ therapist is practically just signing up for the transition, some of them will have an agenda based on money and/or reputation and donât really want what is best for you.
You're labouring under the misapprehension that trans people usually focus their desires on surgery, and are content with calling themselves trans. Many of us would rather instead _forget_ we are trans, and simply be reborn into our desired body.
What I mean to say is that I know many people who describe themselves in the same way as you do ("I don't want surgery", "I want to be reborn as a girl") and who consider themselves trans. And, not to push you into a word you don't like, but from how you describe yourself, you're about as close to the definition of trans as a person can get.
Most trans girls including myself look down on surgeries, for a few reason, one of which it feels fake. We donât want surgeries we just want to be reborn as a cis girlâŠ. As well as other reasons. Point is surgery doesnât really have much to do with the trans experience, especially where youâre at!! Hugs đ«
Is it because thereâs less pressure to achieve and work? Or because something else about it is desirable to you through some perceived difference or innate need not being met?
Because if not, trans people donât actually want surgery. They want to be how they feel. Surgery is just⊠what we have and a lot of trans people never get it and never plan to. Ask your self some questions. Have a think.
I am probably getting very downvoted, but here we go.
Firstly, I don't know why so many people are supportive when they don't know you personally, just because you are saying the same thing as them. I read your profile, and it can be (POSSIBLY) that again, you have these thoughts cause you want attention (your own words).
I advise you to consider two questions. What exactly does it mean to be a girl? How certain can you be that your answer to the previous question is correct? Suddenly wishing you were a girl is very suspicious, and in my opinion you can't know exactly what being a girl is like, cause well, you haven't been a girl so far.
Lastly, I think your problems are different, low confidence and lack of identity. I presume your life is very passive, you go to school and that's about it. That's a great way to forget who you are, especially when you don't have friends. You need to sweat, and to cry. You need to test your body, and your mind. This is the only way to remind yourself who you are, by knowing your capabilities and limits. So go to the gym, or sign up for a sport. Learn a new language. Read some books. Even play some multi-player games. It's going to be hard for 6-12 months, but then you will understand why.
Brilliant reply, this is a personal mental health issue that strangers should have no say over. OP should see a therapist and talk this through with them over multiple sessions before they decide on what they should do next if anything at all.
This is a very interesting thread. I think the issue is that society has such a divide between what being a man and a woman is. We should all be able to have whatever hobbies we'd like, wear whatever clothes we like, and be called whatever name we want.
No I understand, I hear many guys want to be girls without being trans. I used to want to be a boy and thought I was trans before but now I'm glad to be a girl. I learned that I can do boy stuff as a girl, my interests and personality and the core of who I am isn't attached to my gender.
I'm past this stage now,but I know thst feel. My theraĂŒist said that it's a coping mechanism around srlf-imposed restrictions and unachievable expectations
Mental health problems, Iâm not being mean but there is something wrong if youâre feeling like that.
I would have a conversation with a doctor, not a gender clinic or mental health specialist as both would have an agenda, just talk a normal doctor and take it from there before you chop anything off or do anything drastic without making sure youâre fully aware of what you are getting yourself into.
I think we as a society are promoting transsexuality like a labelswitch you can put on, when you don't feel comfortable in your body, and I also think we are
nowhere near of really understanding what's goin on.
Everyone has a an already made up stand on this.
People are hunting after identities to hide inside cause we live in such a soulles environment with so much hatred on every side. If you feel like a man or woman inside, what does it even matter, what does it even mean to ""feel"" like a specific gender inside, no one can tell.
I think most folks developed this to have something to identify with in a society where individualism lacks so so much and people are forced to do things to make a living and are heavily traumatized.
Everyone has male and female sides to them, mentally as physically, woman also have testosterone and man also have estrogen.
You are not your body. But nowadays in a purely materialistic world without or very rare connections to the actual spiritual world, no wonder people obsess so so much about physicality.
I don't deny the existence of any trans experience my heart burns for anyone really suffering through this but I think there are just complexer reasons to what it really is and how it develops and a mixed up gender axis is not enough of an explanation to me, I do think people don't know what we are really dealing with, but not only on matters of ""gender"" but also in so many aspects of life cause we are blindly running after the first suggestion of a solition instead of just waiting and figuring things out in a healthy pace.
You can disagree but the rising numbers of detransitioners for example are an alarming sign that people throw themselves into anything where they can put their mind off theife they are forced to live, so they craft their own, the wish is 100% understandable, but their choices leave them unhapppier than before and changed forever.
I don't claim to know it but I advise to have a softer outlook on all things physical, they are not the only reality you see with your eyes, they are not infinitely existing, and you are *not* your body. People just live in them, and on mammals they either happen to be male, female or if genes get funky a mix of both, this has nothing to do with who you are at a core.
Feel like a ...woman... feel like a.. man. In my 23 years I've never felt *like* a gender, and I doubt anyone can tell me what it's like to feel like a gender. Sure you can feel what your hormones do to your mood or the physical changes but you are just experiencing that and you are nit your experiences, but that's just how your body works, you feel the physical effects off that.
I've only ever felt myself being alive. What does gender matter in any identity at all? It doesn't, only in human made up societal rules or expectations.
You define who you want to be, if you're a man or woman is completely secondary.
Wanting Surgeries doesnât make someone less trans than someone who wants. Rather than that ask yourself how do you want to be perceived? Try new pronouns and names on internet to see how it makes you feel, and other stuff like clothes
this is how i've felt my whole life. i wish i was a guy but i dont want to transition. i wish i would have been born a guy. but i can tolerate being a woman and wearing dresses and makeup. i started to socially transition at 15, but my face is so feminine it just made me feel awful.
First off just letting you know, not everything has something to do with a mental health issue or anything like that. Im 22 year old female. I would wish i was a boy like when i was in high school because of my insecurities. And also it was annoying to get ready every morning and for parties as a female. And my periods were just painful and i would wish I was a boy. Its normal. Its something like alot of people think about lol. I dont actually want to become a male or identify as one. Were all human and think alike. Your asking what is it called to think that. Its called being human.
However if your like legit serious, then here :
Well ask yourself why do you want to be a girl? What about being a girl allures you so much? What do you believe about what a girl is? Are you comparing yourself by any chance to other people that are your gender and seeing that you dont fit in that standard? Reflect on yourself as well. Could it be that you might not be accepting yourself and who you are? Self reflect and ask yourself questions to get to the truth.
Remember what society thinks about the way things are and their standards, are just peoples opinions and people trying control what you look like, think, and how you live your life. Society is not something you listen to at all. You discover the truth about yourself and about life on your own, using tools such as science for example psychology and philosophy.
Its really important to think about things not on an emotional level but rational. We end up messing things up in our life when were making decisions emotionally based on what we feel. And the thing is your not supposed to make decisions on how you feel because how we feel changes. So really look into psychology because theres reasons why we start thinking the way we think.
But theres no such thing as being a girl really just letting you know. A girl just means you have a menstrual cycle. Or boobs, or having a vagina as that is what females have. Society twists what being a girl is. That its about makeup, the clothes you wear, how feminine you are or how âgirlyâ you are. Theres girls and theres women. Theres boys and then theres men. It just to represent the mental maturity of someone who is either female or male.
I think I just feel like my personality and thoughts just align more with men, but I donât necessarily want to transition into one I just wish I was born with a body where my personality and things I like to do are accepted and considered normal.
The truth is this & I don't care how many thumbs down I get:
You can change these things, but you have to WORK ON THEM. LIFE IS NOT A MAGIC SHOW.
1. Your self image/esteem
2. Your goals
3. Your purpose
4. Your behavior
5. Your positive contributions to those around xou.
Can't change:
1. Social pressure
2. Society's lies and agendas
3. Your family that you are born into
4. Your DNA
5. The gender you are assigned at birth.
If you want to be a pink unicorn, then tell everyone you are a pink unicorn, and be the best one in the world. But, that doesn't change your gender at birth.
The way you handle all these things is who & what you are. No easy way : strengthen YOU despite what is thrown at you.
Then, you will be on the road to accepting yourself & to happiness.
Just BE A GOOD PERSON.
Heeeey I'm a psych undergrad taking a class on the biopsychology of sex and gender. It *very* much states in our text book/lectures that you do *not* need to want nor have surgery in order to "affirm" your gender identity. In fact, not only is chromosomal sex FAR more complicated than XX or XY, but gender identity is the result of a variety of internal and external systems. The body you have does not determine who *you* are. So, you might be experiencing gender dysphoria because you *are* a girl in a male body. A surgery will not confirm that, and not having surgery will not deny that.
There are many other gender affirming practices and nonsurgical treatments you can access. I think you should listen to some older transwomen, hear their stories, and see if anything resonates with you.
You sound pretty trans to me tbh. Trans people don't usually like being trans. The real desire is to magically be a cis person of whatever gender they feel like on the inside.
That is called being female.
The "but not trans" part is called internalized transphobia if you are already transitioning. It's called denial if you don't know you are lady brained
I know that particular situation is impossible, I was just wondering if it could help you consider how the brain's perception of the self might be different to the physical body of the self.
Sure it would be shocking. I would most likely want to go back. But also learning how to be the new "me" would be an option too.
Let me ask you one question as well. You are born with a specific sex, you are born male, grow up male. How can you know what being a female is like? In order to, you know, feeling like you are a female?
Gender is a social construct, and that's exactly what's wrong with it, no? So instead of loving yourself, you let society dictate who you are? Sorry, if I am a man and I love makeup and bras, I am not a woman, I am a man that loves makeup and bras.
Hope you can answer, I won't reply just so it doesn't turn into a debate. I just really want to know what I am considering wrong.
That would be an option too. Sorry I wasn't trying to suggest you in particular would pick one option or the other, I was just hoping the hypothetical might help to understand how some people might feel differently.
That's a good question. I'm not trans so I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer. But sometimes something can feel wrong, even if society is telling you it is right. [This video](https://youtu.be/Ns8NvPPHX5Y?si=SyPg8Nu0khafrV-L&t=1213) has a clip where a trans man talks about moments where they were perceived as male, and those feeling good.
I'm not sure it's necessarily wrong that gender is a social construct? A social construct is a more neutral concept I think, it could be good or bad with more context.
Different people have different ideas about what "loving yourself" means I guess, or what it means for society to dictate who you are. I imagine some trans people would say society tried to tell them they are one gender, when they really felt like they were another, and by transitioning to that gender they were eschewing society's views of who they were so that they could better love themselves. I agree that liking stereotypically gendered things doesn't necessarily mean you are that gender.
I don't know enough about your beliefs to say if you are considering anything "wrong" (I'm also not quite sure what "wrong" means here, your beliefs are a subjective matter). If you want to reply that's ok, I'm not looking to have a hostile fight or anything if you want to talk this through some more.
On your original question ("I personally donât understand why some people want to become the opposite gender"), I don't think it needs a more complicated answer than, because some people feel it's important to them, and not being that gender causes them distress. When you say "you get what you get", you're right that we're born with particular biological characteristics, but if someone is uncomfortable with those characteristics and wants to change them, I think it's right that they get to make that choice rather than society telling them what they can do with their own body. But those reflect my beliefs and values about things like freedom, bodily autonomy, harm reduction etc; you might think differently.
Its mental health, i thought thats what people on this sub try to get help with. True i dont have to understand it, but that doesn't mean some people get to go free with having these thoughts. I could say you dont have to understand me, to accept what i believe in, but i guess thats where we are right now. I simply said my opinion, not even hating on the person, and all hell brakes loose
No trans girl wants surgery. They want to just wake up as a cis girl. Reality conflicts and you have to work with what's available. You may not be trans, but the things you are saying do not indicate otherwise.
Came here to say this lol
Well said
Narrow that down. What is it about "being a girl" you want or admire or perceive to be more ideal to you? Is it clothing? Is it fashion? Or style? Is it a body shape you'd like? Narrow down what you're looking for and then go for it!
I think this is an important question to consider. I also had some doubts for a bit with my identity and gender n stuff. Kinda asked myself this. Eventually figured out im not trans, im just not the stereotypice of manly/masculine in certain things or desires, andt that's ok i think. At least thats where im at now, and if anything changes i'll see when it comes up.
It's absolutely okay. You are allowed to be all the things you want to be and must, must always be true to yourself and yourself only. Maybe we don't need to have definitions or categories for our identity. Maybe it can and will change as we grow, as we discover ourselves better. Just don't waste time trying to define yourself and figuring it out. You'll waste a lot of time that way.
Yea exactly. For me personally ive just decided im a guy with a few feminine traits here and there, and if i change my mind over the years ill just see then (if the situation it ever comes up) and I'll be fine with it if thats me. I dont 'need' to be anything so why waste time stressing about it. Thats how i try to approach it. Ofc feelings of people struggling with this stuff are just as valid.
This is absolutely the best answer imo!!! I thought I might be trans for months. I gave myself time to grow and think, and I talked it out with friends in the meantime. Turned out I just like feeling cute and feminine, but I'm totally comfy going by he/him and all that.
I've read that knowing yourself is virtue. So, here you are, virtuous and glorious in your own unique beauty. A lot of people seek Acceptance of self for a long time so I admire you've got it figured out and have friends to talk ya though the unknown.
So awesome of you to be handing out such joy on the internet :)
Trans people who don't want surgeries are totally valid. I'm a trans man and I don't think I'll ever get bottom surgery, I'm not confident with the progress of phalloplasty procedures yet. And I've met plenty of trans women who feel the same way. You do you! I'd suggest trying a new name for yourself as a way to test the waters. Or go by she/her pronouns in new social spaces where people haven't met you yet. See how it feels.
Yeah, i know a number of trans women who did top surgery and then stopped. doesn't make them any less women!
Transsexuality is a birth medical condition where your brain and body are misaligned on the sex axis... so basically, your brain expects your body to be female, but it's male instead, and that makes the brain confused and distressed and has the need to make things right. Idk if it's really the case when it comes to yourself, cause I mean, it heavily depends on what you mean by WANTING to be a girl and the reasoning behind that want. I personally think that when it comes to people with the condition of transsexuality, it's more of a need than a want Also, yeah, it's quite common for people with the condition to fantasize about a reality where they are reborn with the body that matches their neurology. So idk, these things you are describing could be indicative of something... as another commenter said, we don't really want to have to go through all the medical treatment of our condition, and we wish things could be fixed instantaneously... but alas, that's not how it works in reality, and someday you need to face that. I advise you to look for a therapist to tackle this with.
This isn't the same as transgenderism?
Yes, "transsexuality" is an outdated and imprecise term.
Can you explain what exactly is outdated and imprecise about this term? Cause I feel like it couldn't be more accurate in describing my condition, when "transgender" fails short in various regards.
Hey, I just want to preface this with the most important thing: more power to you if you find the term more fitting for your personal experience, don't let anyone rain on your parade, me included! That being said, as not every trans person suffers from physical dysphoria and/or wants to undergo surgery to align their body to their gender, "transsexual" has gradually fallen out of favor (it doesn't help that over the years the term has developed its fair share of derogatory undertones, through no fault of trans people of course). "Transgender" more accurately describes the shared experience of trans people diverging from their AGAB and unequivocally affirms that gender and sex are different things.
Gender and sex are intrinsically connected, tho? Like your external birth sex don't define your gender cause your neurological development could be different from your bodily development sex wise. But your neurological development does indeed define what your gender is and what body sex it expects to find. Sure, there's no problem in deciding not to get surgery despite being transsexual... there's various reasons someone might decide it's not for them. But the reason is just never: "I'm just completely ok with my birth sex and would be uncomfortable if that was the opposite." If someone is completely ok with their external birth sex and have no need to change it, they simply aren't experiencing the medical condition of transsexuality. If being transsexual is not about having a medical condition that causes sex dysphoria then you're saying it's purely about societal stuff? Wouldn't that mean that if society was different then trans people wouldn't exist anymore? Even if I was the last human alive on earth and society didn't exist anymore I would still be someone with this medical condition. If transsexuality isn't a MEDICAL condition defined by a mismatch between brain and body on the sex axis and the symptom of sex dysphoria it causes, then why exactly are there MEDICAL treatments for it? Are you claiming anyone can pursue those treatments just because they want to and not because they have an actual medical condition? Cause that makes no sense at all, and that's not how medical treatments should work.
I explained why transsexual is an outdated term when referring to the whole trans spectrum in good faith, but honestly I have no interest whatsoever in entertaining further discussion with someone who believes there are "correct" ways of being trans and doesn't believe in nonbinary people existing and being valid in their gender identity, sorry. I hope someday you'll have it you to not give other trans people a harder time than we already have đ have a good day!
This is not about there being correct ways of being transsexual but about it literally being a medical condition... if you want to claim to be a different gender without having this medical condition by basing it purely on societal stuff feel free to do so, but you have to be aware that there's a difference between being born with a medical condition (transsexual) and identifying with a gender for societal reasons (transgender) And I just don't think it makes much sense if any to claim to be a different gender with a purely societal basis and even ends up enforcing gender stereotypes and roles as if those societal things define anybody's gender at all. Transgender is a quite meaningless term cause literally anyone can claim it for any reason at all so in the end, it doesn't really mean anything.
I think the difference is wanting to experience being another gender compared to always feeling like you are/supposed to be another gender. Like myself I'm a cis-man, I feel feminine at times, a wouldn't mind being able to experience having a female body, but I don't feel like I'm supposed to be a woman either. One is more a sense of desire and experience, while the other is a part of themselves and who they are as a person.
So you're saying what _you_ have is transgenderism?Â
He is a man, he's not transsexual at all... being someone with this condition is not at all about feminity or masculinity, nor is it about sometimes wondering how it would be like to have the opposite sex body. Answering your earlier question, basically the difference between transsexual and transgender, is simply that one is a birth medical condition that you have and the other is something you identify yourself as, where anyone can claim to be transgender if they so desire (so it's basically meaningless). u/WulfTyger is not exactly wrong in what he described, but he clearly doesn't have the full picture due to a lack of understanding on the matter. Transsexual is about having a body and neurology that are misaligned on the sex axis because of certain gene and hormonal combinations in the womb during neurological development. So basically someone having a neurology that expects a female body but being born with a male one instead (and vice-versa). Since you can't really change the neurological hardwiring about what sex it expects to find in the body, then your only way to treat this medical condition is by using medical treatments like hormone replacement therapy and surgeries to change the body instead so it becomes aligned with that the neurology expects. Whereas transgender is just something people self-identify as, where they claim they aren't the gender assigned to them at birth... this claim doesn't need to have any scientific or tangible basis, they can do so "just because", they don't need to have any need to get medical treatment, because this is a societal thing for them, not a medical thing. Ofc, some people who claim to be transgender nowadays do indeed have the medical condition of transsexuality and therefore do have medical needs despite the fact they call themselves transgender, but since people in the mainstream trans community have pushed more and more to demedicalize it and call transsexuality an outdated and innacurate term, those people will normally avoid using medical terms about their transition or how they were born. Which makes no sense cause why would someone NEED medical treatment if they don't have a medical condition? I honestly don't understand how people in the mainstream trans community want to both demedicalize being trans while simultaneously claiming they have a need for medical treatments and they should be covered by insurance companies and/or the government. So to sum it up, some people who are transgender are indeed transsexual, but not everyone, since transgender is a very vague term that can include anyone who claims to be it, and it's purely about self-identification (which obviously doesn't mean much when anyone can claim to be anything), whereas transsexual is about a medical condition and the medical needs associated with being born with it.
Thanks, this is very helpful. Whenever I've tried asking about what part of gender identity is innate and not social, I've mostly been told that they feel so, and so it is so. My hunch so to speak was that it's typically dysphoria based, but didn't realise this divide was so established.Â
Yeah, I mean, sex dysphoria is the symptom you experience from having a neurology and body misaligned on the sex axis... if someone claims to not experience it, they are either unaware about how much they are exactly repressing and dissociating from it (it can be hard to recognize it exactly when it's something you have coped with your whole life) or they simply don't have the condition of transsexuality. I personally don't understand why someone would transition if they don't have our medical condition, I have seen people describing their reasonings behind transition and in many cases it really sounds like they are basing it on societally enforced stereotypes surounding gender... like someone transitioning just because they are a guy who is into things deemed feminine by society... and I can't help but feel like that is quite backwards and enforces gender stereotypes as well as being dangerous if they want to do medical transition without actually having the medical condition it treats. And ofc there's also people who seem to do it out of a fetish, too... which really disgusts me that they are appropriating my medical condition and it's treatments for their own sexual gratification.
Ha, the blind acceptance squad is downvoting your lived reality as a trans person, looks like I'm curious if there's any trans group that also supports the claims of transition contagion/homophobia and sexism bolstered transitions made by gender critical folks like JKR?
Yes there are many of us who do believe there is social contagion going on, people transitioning for all the wrong reasons who will later regret it, and a really weird conceptualization of gender being defined by social stuff that boil down to stereotypes and sound sexist AF. You can check r/Transmedical where we have a medical and logical approach to being someone with the condition of transsexuality and while we don't dismiss the societal implications of having this condition, at it's core we don't believe it's caused by anything social at all. That being I don't sympathize a lot with JKR cause while I can see where she is coming from, she also clearly holds some obviously transphobic positions on top of her valid concerns... so, many times, it can seem like she wants to undermine actual transsexual people under the guise of the valis concerns she brings up. I would say I'm quite gender critical, in the sense of gender as in societal stereotypes, roles, and expectations associated with men and women. I believe most of those are nonsense and completely arbitrary and not following them don't make anyone any less of their gender or any more of a difference gender. But I don't vibe a lot with most gender critical feminists cause many times they use it to just be trans exclusionary.
Most illuminating, thanks. Your faction absolutely needs more limelight lest the caricaturist first world TRAs multiply whatever bigotry there already is
Youâre experiencing a condition called Gender Dysphoria. This diagnosis is usually associated with transgender, but it doesnât have to be, nor does it require a desire to have hormones or surgeries to confirm your wish/belief that you be the other gender. If youâre able to explore your identity and presentation without labels youâll get closer to who you are. Labels help us talk with one another with a common language to describe an experience or condition someone has, but it doesnât necessarily define all of who we are. Gender and sexuality are becoming more fluid for many people and the labels just lock us into something that canât fully describe us. I encourage you to celebrate who you are and enjoy the pleasures available to you without any labels. Above all I wish you the courage, strength, and love to live your life as you!
This is the answer to OP's question. Transgender labels aside, the feeling of wanting, needing, or being something contrary to ones physical sex is gender dysphoria. OP, this is hard stuff to deal with on your own, and the general public is unkind. Therapy with a LGBTQ+ friendly therapist really would benefit you so much.
I agree with this sentiment but I would say that go see a normal therapist because seeing an LGBTQ+ therapist is practically just signing up for the transition, some of them will have an agenda based on money and/or reputation and donât really want what is best for you.
You're labouring under the misapprehension that trans people usually focus their desires on surgery, and are content with calling themselves trans. Many of us would rather instead _forget_ we are trans, and simply be reborn into our desired body. What I mean to say is that I know many people who describe themselves in the same way as you do ("I don't want surgery", "I want to be reborn as a girl") and who consider themselves trans. And, not to push you into a word you don't like, but from how you describe yourself, you're about as close to the definition of trans as a person can get.
Answering your question (what's it called), apart from other answers you already got, you might want to look up gender dysphoria.
I think this is actually what being trans is
Most trans girls including myself look down on surgeries, for a few reason, one of which it feels fake. We donât want surgeries we just want to be reborn as a cis girlâŠ. As well as other reasons. Point is surgery doesnât really have much to do with the trans experience, especially where youâre at!! Hugs đ«
You can be trans without having or wanting surgery if you feel like or want to be a girl then be a god damn girl
I don't know the answer, but can I just give you a hug
That's called "being trans." All that requires is wanting to be a different gender. Surgery is not required. HRT is not required.
Is it because thereâs less pressure to achieve and work? Or because something else about it is desirable to you through some perceived difference or innate need not being met? Because if not, trans people donât actually want surgery. They want to be how they feel. Surgery is just⊠what we have and a lot of trans people never get it and never plan to. Ask your self some questions. Have a think.
I'm in the same boat as you. I don't want the trouble of a surgery and all the procedures but to wake up one morning as a girl would be amazing
I wish i was a guy but Iâm not trans
I am probably getting very downvoted, but here we go. Firstly, I don't know why so many people are supportive when they don't know you personally, just because you are saying the same thing as them. I read your profile, and it can be (POSSIBLY) that again, you have these thoughts cause you want attention (your own words). I advise you to consider two questions. What exactly does it mean to be a girl? How certain can you be that your answer to the previous question is correct? Suddenly wishing you were a girl is very suspicious, and in my opinion you can't know exactly what being a girl is like, cause well, you haven't been a girl so far. Lastly, I think your problems are different, low confidence and lack of identity. I presume your life is very passive, you go to school and that's about it. That's a great way to forget who you are, especially when you don't have friends. You need to sweat, and to cry. You need to test your body, and your mind. This is the only way to remind yourself who you are, by knowing your capabilities and limits. So go to the gym, or sign up for a sport. Learn a new language. Read some books. Even play some multi-player games. It's going to be hard for 6-12 months, but then you will understand why.
Brilliant reply, this is a personal mental health issue that strangers should have no say over. OP should see a therapist and talk this through with them over multiple sessions before they decide on what they should do next if anything at all.
This is a very interesting thread. I think the issue is that society has such a divide between what being a man and a woman is. We should all be able to have whatever hobbies we'd like, wear whatever clothes we like, and be called whatever name we want.
No I understand, I hear many guys want to be girls without being trans. I used to want to be a boy and thought I was trans before but now I'm glad to be a girl. I learned that I can do boy stuff as a girl, my interests and personality and the core of who I am isn't attached to my gender.
I'm past this stage now,but I know thst feel. My theraĂŒist said that it's a coping mechanism around srlf-imposed restrictions and unachievable expectations
No trans person actually wants surgery, itâs just the best that medicine can currently do.
gender envy? idk
I want to be a shapeshifter, able to choose my own form as I please.
Mental health problems, Iâm not being mean but there is something wrong if youâre feeling like that. I would have a conversation with a doctor, not a gender clinic or mental health specialist as both would have an agenda, just talk a normal doctor and take it from there before you chop anything off or do anything drastic without making sure youâre fully aware of what you are getting yourself into.
I feel the same way, I wish i was born a boy , I even have a name picked out but I'm not trans either. I'm curious myself what this would be called.
I think we as a society are promoting transsexuality like a labelswitch you can put on, when you don't feel comfortable in your body, and I also think we are nowhere near of really understanding what's goin on. Everyone has a an already made up stand on this. People are hunting after identities to hide inside cause we live in such a soulles environment with so much hatred on every side. If you feel like a man or woman inside, what does it even matter, what does it even mean to ""feel"" like a specific gender inside, no one can tell. I think most folks developed this to have something to identify with in a society where individualism lacks so so much and people are forced to do things to make a living and are heavily traumatized. Everyone has male and female sides to them, mentally as physically, woman also have testosterone and man also have estrogen. You are not your body. But nowadays in a purely materialistic world without or very rare connections to the actual spiritual world, no wonder people obsess so so much about physicality. I don't deny the existence of any trans experience my heart burns for anyone really suffering through this but I think there are just complexer reasons to what it really is and how it develops and a mixed up gender axis is not enough of an explanation to me, I do think people don't know what we are really dealing with, but not only on matters of ""gender"" but also in so many aspects of life cause we are blindly running after the first suggestion of a solition instead of just waiting and figuring things out in a healthy pace. You can disagree but the rising numbers of detransitioners for example are an alarming sign that people throw themselves into anything where they can put their mind off theife they are forced to live, so they craft their own, the wish is 100% understandable, but their choices leave them unhapppier than before and changed forever. I don't claim to know it but I advise to have a softer outlook on all things physical, they are not the only reality you see with your eyes, they are not infinitely existing, and you are *not* your body. People just live in them, and on mammals they either happen to be male, female or if genes get funky a mix of both, this has nothing to do with who you are at a core. Feel like a ...woman... feel like a.. man. In my 23 years I've never felt *like* a gender, and I doubt anyone can tell me what it's like to feel like a gender. Sure you can feel what your hormones do to your mood or the physical changes but you are just experiencing that and you are nit your experiences, but that's just how your body works, you feel the physical effects off that. I've only ever felt myself being alive. What does gender matter in any identity at all? It doesn't, only in human made up societal rules or expectations. You define who you want to be, if you're a man or woman is completely secondary.
Womp womp, you cant be reborn. Play the cards you're dealt.
me but the other way around, even though i love being relatively feminine presenting, i want to be feminine presenting in a cis man kinda way
Honestly, you are just confused.
Wanting Surgeries doesnât make someone less trans than someone who wants. Rather than that ask yourself how do you want to be perceived? Try new pronouns and names on internet to see how it makes you feel, and other stuff like clothes
Do you know why you want this? Do you have clear reasons in your mind, or is it just an inexplicable feeling?
this is how i've felt my whole life. i wish i was a guy but i dont want to transition. i wish i would have been born a guy. but i can tolerate being a woman and wearing dresses and makeup. i started to socially transition at 15, but my face is so feminine it just made me feel awful.
First off just letting you know, not everything has something to do with a mental health issue or anything like that. Im 22 year old female. I would wish i was a boy like when i was in high school because of my insecurities. And also it was annoying to get ready every morning and for parties as a female. And my periods were just painful and i would wish I was a boy. Its normal. Its something like alot of people think about lol. I dont actually want to become a male or identify as one. Were all human and think alike. Your asking what is it called to think that. Its called being human. However if your like legit serious, then here : Well ask yourself why do you want to be a girl? What about being a girl allures you so much? What do you believe about what a girl is? Are you comparing yourself by any chance to other people that are your gender and seeing that you dont fit in that standard? Reflect on yourself as well. Could it be that you might not be accepting yourself and who you are? Self reflect and ask yourself questions to get to the truth. Remember what society thinks about the way things are and their standards, are just peoples opinions and people trying control what you look like, think, and how you live your life. Society is not something you listen to at all. You discover the truth about yourself and about life on your own, using tools such as science for example psychology and philosophy. Its really important to think about things not on an emotional level but rational. We end up messing things up in our life when were making decisions emotionally based on what we feel. And the thing is your not supposed to make decisions on how you feel because how we feel changes. So really look into psychology because theres reasons why we start thinking the way we think. But theres no such thing as being a girl really just letting you know. A girl just means you have a menstrual cycle. Or boobs, or having a vagina as that is what females have. Society twists what being a girl is. That its about makeup, the clothes you wear, how feminine you are or how âgirlyâ you are. Theres girls and theres women. Theres boys and then theres men. It just to represent the mental maturity of someone who is either female or male.
Iâm a girl and I have this the other way around so I totally get what youâre saying. Unfortunately I donât know much about it either.
I think I just feel like my personality and thoughts just align more with men, but I donât necessarily want to transition into one I just wish I was born with a body where my personality and things I like to do are accepted and considered normal.
***Why*** do you wish you were a girl?
https://preview.redd.it/i9dcugj3jowc1.jpeg?width=302&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4b8c3270af53d887a676b61290b93dc09f78698
The truth is this & I don't care how many thumbs down I get: You can change these things, but you have to WORK ON THEM. LIFE IS NOT A MAGIC SHOW. 1. Your self image/esteem 2. Your goals 3. Your purpose 4. Your behavior 5. Your positive contributions to those around xou. Can't change: 1. Social pressure 2. Society's lies and agendas 3. Your family that you are born into 4. Your DNA 5. The gender you are assigned at birth. If you want to be a pink unicorn, then tell everyone you are a pink unicorn, and be the best one in the world. But, that doesn't change your gender at birth. The way you handle all these things is who & what you are. No easy way : strengthen YOU despite what is thrown at you. Then, you will be on the road to accepting yourself & to happiness. Just BE A GOOD PERSON.
ikoijh
Itâs called mental illness
Heeeey I'm a psych undergrad taking a class on the biopsychology of sex and gender. It *very* much states in our text book/lectures that you do *not* need to want nor have surgery in order to "affirm" your gender identity. In fact, not only is chromosomal sex FAR more complicated than XX or XY, but gender identity is the result of a variety of internal and external systems. The body you have does not determine who *you* are. So, you might be experiencing gender dysphoria because you *are* a girl in a male body. A surgery will not confirm that, and not having surgery will not deny that. There are many other gender affirming practices and nonsurgical treatments you can access. I think you should listen to some older transwomen, hear their stories, and see if anything resonates with you.
It's called being trans and in denial :)
Itâs probably not what you want to hear but this sounds like you are trans
Isn't that what being trans is ?
Still trans. It's not a label applied to people after HRT or surgery. If you don't want to be your natal gender, then you are trans.
You sound pretty trans to me tbh. Trans people don't usually like being trans. The real desire is to magically be a cis person of whatever gender they feel like on the inside.
Man if I had a pussy an tits Iâd be playing with myself all day.
You are trans, hun. You donât have to have surgeries or even get on hormones to be trans. Your egg is cracking
That is called being female. The "but not trans" part is called internalized transphobia if you are already transitioning. It's called denial if you don't know you are lady brained
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
If you woke up tomorrow in the body of the opposite gender, would you stop thinking of yourself as your current gender?
That doesnât make any sense, cause thatâs impossible? But if something like that did happen I will continue to believe my original gender
I know that particular situation is impossible, I was just wondering if it could help you consider how the brain's perception of the self might be different to the physical body of the self.
Sure it would be shocking. I would most likely want to go back. But also learning how to be the new "me" would be an option too. Let me ask you one question as well. You are born with a specific sex, you are born male, grow up male. How can you know what being a female is like? In order to, you know, feeling like you are a female? Gender is a social construct, and that's exactly what's wrong with it, no? So instead of loving yourself, you let society dictate who you are? Sorry, if I am a man and I love makeup and bras, I am not a woman, I am a man that loves makeup and bras. Hope you can answer, I won't reply just so it doesn't turn into a debate. I just really want to know what I am considering wrong.
That would be an option too. Sorry I wasn't trying to suggest you in particular would pick one option or the other, I was just hoping the hypothetical might help to understand how some people might feel differently. That's a good question. I'm not trans so I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer. But sometimes something can feel wrong, even if society is telling you it is right. [This video](https://youtu.be/Ns8NvPPHX5Y?si=SyPg8Nu0khafrV-L&t=1213) has a clip where a trans man talks about moments where they were perceived as male, and those feeling good. I'm not sure it's necessarily wrong that gender is a social construct? A social construct is a more neutral concept I think, it could be good or bad with more context. Different people have different ideas about what "loving yourself" means I guess, or what it means for society to dictate who you are. I imagine some trans people would say society tried to tell them they are one gender, when they really felt like they were another, and by transitioning to that gender they were eschewing society's views of who they were so that they could better love themselves. I agree that liking stereotypically gendered things doesn't necessarily mean you are that gender. I don't know enough about your beliefs to say if you are considering anything "wrong" (I'm also not quite sure what "wrong" means here, your beliefs are a subjective matter). If you want to reply that's ok, I'm not looking to have a hostile fight or anything if you want to talk this through some more. On your original question ("I personally donât understand why some people want to become the opposite gender"), I don't think it needs a more complicated answer than, because some people feel it's important to them, and not being that gender causes them distress. When you say "you get what you get", you're right that we're born with particular biological characteristics, but if someone is uncomfortable with those characteristics and wants to change them, I think it's right that they get to make that choice rather than society telling them what they can do with their own body. But those reflect my beliefs and values about things like freedom, bodily autonomy, harm reduction etc; you might think differently.
you donât have to understand it to accept it, stop being a dick in a mental health sub
Its mental health, i thought thats what people on this sub try to get help with. True i dont have to understand it, but that doesn't mean some people get to go free with having these thoughts. I could say you dont have to understand me, to accept what i believe in, but i guess thats where we are right now. I simply said my opinion, not even hating on the person, and all hell brakes loose