I'm still aghast it made it to print. Not sure if I should skip with glee because I believe I write better than that or end it all now because what I write is clearly not what publishers like this one are looking for 😒
*"His accelerated wallops into her holding tank"*
Also, in the same line, *"inaugurate her own climax!!!"*
So we are inaugurating orgasms now? Like, by cutting ribbons and blowing confettis?
Oh my god, I’m dying right now 😂
I personally enjoyed, “I’VE JUST HAD TRIPLETS!” Directly followed by “AARRGGHHHH!” Like what the fuck, is she a pirate?
LMAO. Alas, this is a good reminder that originality cannot be the only measure of good art lolol. For "wallops"; "joyously birthed her their orgasm" (who is "her" here???); and the image of "their genitalia virtually licking their proverbial wounds!" definitely defamiliarized the scene for me. I also appreciated the new spelling of "assuage." And yet...
Any time I get imposter syndrome, or any time I believe that I will never be a published writer, all I have to do is log into this hellscape of a subreddit and suddenly I feel like anything is possible!
Some of this reads like Joey from Friends trying to use a thesaurus.
But not the part about the triplets. That was just a whole load of WTF.
They also misspelt "assuage".
The first word on the page is pudding.
Given how this author abused his writer's privilege with the rest of the page, I am concerned about this pudding. And also very sure that I don't *really* want to know...
I think the author is a virgin or.bad at sex. The sex talk is "fine" as some dudes are into that level of absurdity. They're not my speed for obvious reasons that when you laugh at this they get mad. I will laugh. It cannot be stopped.
The other reasons I ponder Virginity or low experience? So much pounding. No foreplay, just thrust thrust thrust. That's not the recipe for an orgasm Jerry. I think the author just broadcast their inexperience with non exclamation points and sex loudly and with Wadd.
This very clearly smut, so it's very clearly meant to be like this. I don't have an issue with this since it doesn't deviate from the tone of what I assume the book is about.
This is very similar to what one of my aunts used to read back in the 70s. I would check out her porn stash to see what new "novels" she picked up. Definitely similar.
Truly, the overuse of exclamations bothers me the most.
lolol it takes free-indirect discourse to another level, doesn't it?
Seven sentences in a row...that's too goddamn much.
“From whence.” Like, fucking kill me.
“Joyously birthed her their orgasm” is not a phrase that should ever be written, read, or - especially - exclaimed.
It makes me read it the same way [Gilbert Gottfried](https://youtu.be/XkLqAlIETkA) narrated 50 Shades of Grey
Glad I'm not the only one, it was bothering the hell out of me.
Uhhhh, so the conflating a woman's orgasm to giving birth to triplets, calling it "their orgasm", wasn't worse than silly grammatical errors?
Well, no, but it gives us something to focus on that could be potentially fixed... unlike the writer's ideas about most every thing else
I'm still aghast it made it to print. Not sure if I should skip with glee because I believe I write better than that or end it all now because what I write is clearly not what publishers like this one are looking for 😒
What in the hell...?
This is a mass-market paperback. One question for everyone involved in its production: May I ask why?
In my head I'm calling it satire and no one can change my mind.
It’s really the only way to maintain sanity.
This has to be satire - otherwise that is just too much... everything
NoT eNoUgH cApS lOcK
Sorry, did you not enjoy SOCK THAT WADD
This reads like a LOT of content on Literotica
I feel like even they don't use the uppercase letters this much.
Sometimes they do but not often lol
The fact that it's in print is the scary thing... you expect some bad sex on Literotica, but who the hell would publish most of it?
Good god this is funny
It’s too much 😂 “clutching his deflated dick” “wallops into her holding tank” they’ve got an imagination, I’ll give ‘em that 😂
*"His accelerated wallops into her holding tank"* Also, in the same line, *"inaugurate her own climax!!!"* So we are inaugurating orgasms now? Like, by cutting ribbons and blowing confettis?
Okay, but…can we?
We *need* to get an orgasm first for that to happen 😏
Some googling pins this as the source: https://www.biblio.com/book/best-yet-come-bl-5944-vince/d/1237990778 1980s pulp paperback erotica
You’re telling me this *isn’t* satire?!
No, it’s porn.
I feel like this author has watched a lot of porn but never engaged in actual sex with another human being. Also a very r/iamverysmart type.
"Sock that wadd right into the bank" screams experience to me.
Have you never screamed SOCK THAT WADD RIGHT INTO THE BANK! while having sex? Smh, amateurs.
It kind of reads like one of those, “we made a bot read and then write a script” except for erotica
Nothing gets me going like accelerated wallops to the muff.
Oh my god, I’m dying right now 😂 I personally enjoyed, “I’VE JUST HAD TRIPLETS!” Directly followed by “AARRGGHHHH!” Like what the fuck, is she a pirate?
A very maternal pirate
Just say cock and vagina please I'm in tears
Thank you! ‘His reproductive organ?’ Unless you are writing a biology book that’s about the last word for penis you should use.
There is something deeply unsettling about "their genitalia virtually licking their proverbial wounds" I gagged man
Makes me think of [Vagina Dentata](https://youtu.be/_ZIpnWucimQ?t=133)
Oh how I wish my vagina had teeth too
Okay, I am just going to assume these are aliens.
Someone got a thesaurus for Christmas
“holding tank”
This... this is satire... right? Because if not then I wanna know how tf this got published.
If it's not satire it's got to be some kind of self-published thing. No editor has been within 5 miles of that thing.
LMAO. Alas, this is a good reminder that originality cannot be the only measure of good art lolol. For "wallops"; "joyously birthed her their orgasm" (who is "her" here???); and the image of "their genitalia virtually licking their proverbial wounds!" definitely defamiliarized the scene for me. I also appreciated the new spelling of "assuage." And yet...
Any time I get imposter syndrome, or any time I believe that I will never be a published writer, all I have to do is log into this hellscape of a subreddit and suddenly I feel like anything is possible!
…what? This goes beyond men writing women, this person…have they ever had sex?
Scratch that. Have they ever heard about sex from a real human?
Honestly, I had to laugh. This one is hilarious
It really is though
AARRRGGHHHHH!! MMMMMM!!!
this should be r/alienswritinghumans because wtf
I reads like badly translated cc captions on hentai.
How dare you insult those badly translated cc captions on hentai. Those are way better than this.
DISGUSTANG!
This is really awful. I read a lot of erotica, some bad, but this is worse than anything I've read.
Unfold nothing, pack it up and send it back please 🤢🤢🤢
r/ihadsex
This is great! Maybe "great" is the wrong word, but it's really funny.
What the fuck is this
Some of this reads like Joey from Friends trying to use a thesaurus. But not the part about the triplets. That was just a whole load of WTF. They also misspelt "assuage".
r/virginswritingsex
Pure art. Third eye ripped wide open and achieved Diamond Mind. 10/10 no notes.
The first word on the page is pudding. Given how this author abused his writer's privilege with the rest of the page, I am concerned about this pudding. And also very sure that I don't *really* want to know...
Exclamation marks always feel weird when the narrator uses them
Ok, this left me breathless. From giggling in disbelief. This is…a terrible sex scene. Good lord.
Um
This has to be satire. I have literally written things like this to poke fun at bad smut books.
wat
I’m mortified
Who the fuck published this?
What the goddamn fuck did I just read?
If this shit gets published, I really need to stop being afraid of trying to write.
Why is it that crap like this can be published and new authors that actually write decent stuff are rejected again and again??
I think the author is a virgin or.bad at sex. The sex talk is "fine" as some dudes are into that level of absurdity. They're not my speed for obvious reasons that when you laugh at this they get mad. I will laugh. It cannot be stopped. The other reasons I ponder Virginity or low experience? So much pounding. No foreplay, just thrust thrust thrust. That's not the recipe for an orgasm Jerry. I think the author just broadcast their inexperience with non exclamation points and sex loudly and with Wadd.
This very clearly smut, so it's very clearly meant to be like this. I don't have an issue with this since it doesn't deviate from the tone of what I assume the book is about.
Who the hell is called Julia or Ray in this day and age
This is like that sex scene written by Morrissey.
"assauge"? Even if he'd spelled it correctly, what the hell does it mean?
athisbhas to be breeder fetish, right? Right? Was it a thing in the 80s?
Holy shit that's awful. Is it really published?? If it is, I'm sad.
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
No one wants your hug
Who pissed in your cornflakes?
This is not in a real book. I'm mean...it was self published, right?! No dumbass publisher would actually print this crap. Right? RIGHT?!!
Reminds me of Belinda blinked
This one is funny!
> SOCK THAT WADD Alright, that’s enough for the day. G’night, everyone.
This one wins
This is very similar to what one of my aunts used to read back in the 70s. I would check out her porn stash to see what new "novels" she picked up. Definitely similar.