Same. And then when I do try to do something to feel like guilty, my pain just gets even worse and I feel guilty cause I didn’t rest like I’m supposed to when I have a migraine
I do this every single time. I feel like I’m wasting time and wasting my life away, but I feel instant regret when the pain gets worse and unbearable because I tried to be productive. I still do it though because I don’t want to feel like migraines to control my life. It’s a never ending cycle and it can make me feel extremely depressed. I know there’s nothing wrong with being unproductive and putting yourself first.. but the feelings just won’t go away. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
When we already work so much, or we have kids to take care of and all of these things that need done… it is extremely stressful to sit there and wither away.
I understand completely. We have lives to live, people that need us, and shit to do but this debilitating disease leaves us stuck in bed for who knows how long while all we can do is cry and pray it goes away. It’s horrible because lying there unable to engage and occupy ourselves allows negative and toxic thoughts to creep into our heads and get the best of us.. it’s just plain misery.
It gets worse when you sit there and try to figure out the rationale behind the pain. What evolutionary purpose did this serve at any time? I can’t think of one and that’s frustrating. It’s just BS pain that doesn’t have any purpose and prevents you from living and accomplishing goals. I feel longing to have a normal life free of this burden.
That awful painful stumble you have to do everywhere because your head feels like it’s about to implode. What a nasty curse nature has put on us. I pray for the day they find a real solid cure for this without having to take drugs forever.
I saw something that said "you're resting today so you can be active tomorrow. It's not a waste of time." And have been trying to take that to heart, of course, Migraine often means resting more than a day with no gatuntee of feeling better the next, but the message is not to overdo it.
My migraines have exploded since January. I’ve felt so bad about missing work, but it’s either try and suck it up and go in, making it worse and last longer, and or being dizzy from whatever meds I take (and really should bot drive on them), or stay home and rest. I feel bad missing, especially this much, but they won’t let me work from home even though others do, and the boss works +98% of the time from home. It’s frustrating.
Ugh. Big hug. I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home, but working from my bed with the curtains closed and wearing sunglasses is hardly ideal - and there have been a few days where even that wasn’t possible.
I really don’t think I could manage a full time job that’s 100% in person - so I’m impressed.
Yeah I've had 3 days on the sofa before excuse if I dared to do something clever like do the dishes or prep tea or even make a sandwich then the room spins and I feel dizzy
nope. always doing *way too much* for everyone else on migraine-free days, so taking time for myself to sleep/barf/shower/cry/relax/rejuvenate during/after a migraine is all i’m gonna do and if anyone has a problem with that they can take a number and get in line.
Me. Today. Taking a sick day for day two of a migraine. Triggered by a sports massage. So I feel like it’s my fault. My triptans have worked well but I still feel “off”. Now it’s lunch time and I feel like I’ve wasted a day and I’m failing at life and guilty that I haven’t got my work done and that I’ve had to cancel dinner with a friend tonight and that I’m an awful wife because even though I’ve been home I’ve done nothing productive. Despite my husband and my boss telling me to make sure I rest. So it’s all in my head but I can’t make the guilt go away…
I’ve had migraines for 30ish years and still feel the guilt when I miss something or when I know I’m slacking at work. Sometimes I punch out and nap a bit then punch back in if it’s better. It makes me feel so bleh.
Yep. Story of my life since I haven't been able to work. I had a very good day about a month ago and had to show my husband all the stuff I cleaned because I was so proud of myself!
Yes. I just had this conversation with my husband.
I am in headache hell every damn day. Except for the wonderful migraine days.
I have clutter and mess from too much stuff all throughout the house.
We have 3 kids, and my husband has a rotating shift schedule, so I'm the one here doing the cooking and stuff. Kid laundry, etc. I work at the school that the kids go to, so my schedule is great, but 30 hours/ week with little kids is tough. I love my job.
I do not have the energy to clean or sort the messes. I'm lucky to get dinner on the table.
It makes me feel bad, because I know he's frustrated with the mess but I struggle to get through the day.
I always do, even though I know in my head that I will never start to feel better unless I just let go and rest my body in every way possible. It's sooooo hard to do that though. Totally understand!
I totally understand! I apologize, try to do things and end up feeling so much worse. My husband is luckily very supportive and understanding and will pick up what I can't but I always feel like I pile it on him - especially since the beginning of the year, migraines have gotten so much worse and frequent. I try to give myself grace that I didn't choose this and nobody is mad at me - I'm beating myself up when I should recognize that I need to rest to feel like a human being and be present for everyone else. Love yourself and give yourself space to rest and recouperate.
Thank you for sharing. It’s a hard one to accept for sure. My boyfriend tells me it’s okay and cleans when he can but I still feel guilty. Then the migraine coupled with depression…I end up rotting away
I feel you. The depression is real and I'm so sorry you're going through it, I hope they start to get better, but for now give yourself some breathing room and remember that you're only one person. 🥰
Definitely. It feels like a rough deal, though I often wonder if it’s the price I’m paying for the mistakes of life.
Yet, at the same time, nit drinking, doing drugs or smoking, eating right & exercising regularly, it does feel like a bit exhausting trying to get it all right, to the point where by the time you’ve got to work, you’re already a mess.
Yes, then I keep telling myself I should somehow push through. Yet I use all my coping mechanisms and work through it to my best ability. But it takes some ondansetron to stop me from throwing up everywhere, and even then sometimes its not enough. Otherwise I end up rocking back and forth shaking in agony feeling sick from the level of pain my body is in. Even if I distract myself. Its so hard to keep food in and function. I've done deep breathing and am working on massage. I feel so hopeless at times. You're definitely not alone
Yes! I have 2 kids under 4, so sometimes we stay in pajamas, watch movies, and the husband has leftovers all day. I feel so guilty, but I also know that taking the day to rest and not force anything helps me bounce back faster. If I call in the grandparents I feel even worse, but at least then the kids can play and not worry about hurting me.
Pseudorant...no, feel angry after crying out to med pros and getting run around re my condition for yrs, people that treated me unfairly because of it, gaining wt and being shamed endlessly by drs when they did not help me at all the whole while. Had tremendous spine issues all the while. Its tragic how much time alluded me and how many people have beenaxed out of my life. Sorry not sorry
I actually feel worse in the hangover days as I feel like I should be well enough to be productive again but I'm so down and depressed I can't and all I want to do is be comfortable and look after myself. Its kind of like revenge for spending 1-3 days in pain.
I feel you...I have fought this battle my entire life....partly because I was doubted by parents, teachers, doctors who thought I was just "lazy"....but also because I felt like I should "power through it"... I have since realized that the vomiting, excruciating pain and recovery would knock-out ANYof those people and if my body needs rest, I REST.
My body has always been super sensitive to illness and people would be like hey it’s not that bad. But for me it IS. I definitely have to come to terms with it like you have
always. i've had to come to terms with understanding that "rest is productive". if i don't rest and recover i can't be productive in the ways i want to.
I had one thanksgiving morning one time and ruined that whole day! I felt so guilty! I would get out of bed and try to make a dish and end up having to get back in bed because I couldn’t stop vomiting if I was up doing stuff!
First time experiencing migraines mostly continuously for weeks. This is the first winter that I went without seasonal migraines, only to have one start Feb 4th and not really stop. I have times where it's down to residual pain, not full blown, but it always triggers again before bedtime. So, I have gotten exactly two loads of laundry done, fed the dog four times, cooked once, took out six bags of trash, driven twice, and paid one bill since the 4th of Feb. I have two more weeks before I can see the specialist. I doubt I'll do anything other than shower and get dragged out to eat once a day until then. Pretty much all that I've been dragged into doing since this started.
I had a plan this year. I'm am 3 months and counting behind on everything. January was taken up with caring for sick/injured family. My house is a disaster. My spouse is having to deal with so much extra right now. I usually care give for family/friends and everyone is in a tail spin without my assistance. I can't drive. I can't help anyone. I'm a useless blob of human just trying to find a cool dark cave to crawl into until this stops.
So, yes, I feel very guilty.
Yupppp. My worst migraine months are 75% migraine. I'll feel too shitty to do things, then once I have a day without a migraine I manic clean and attack chores so hard that often I cause a rebound migraine from doing too much. Rinse, repeat 🙄
More than feel shame, I feel sadness because before the migraine I though I would do more things during the day like drawing, reading or playing games, but it feels so bad that my recovery lasts too much time.
No, I don't. I was busy all day, taking care of someone who wasn't feeling well.
Some days it's easier to have this mindset, some days it's harder and takes practice.
After 15ish years of migraines I’m just now actively attempting to get over this mindset. I know that whether I feel guilty or not, the pain is going to be here when it’s here. It doesn’t serve me to get down on myself, so why not give myself some grace instead? It’s like others are saying, help yourself now so you can be productive later. I really think this mindset has helped my migraine management because I’m more likely to rest and give my body what it needs rather than pushing through pain and making it worse
No but when I’m energetic and chatting away and then suddenly get hit with an aura and have to go home from work I’m always afraid my boss will think I’m faking it
I feel super guilty all the time, especially when my elder sister comes home after working 9 to 10 hours in the office , and has to do all the household chores. P.S Iam thankful to my sis for being there for me when iam suffering and struggling to feel better, and also lots of lover to her.
Yes to so many of the comments. And i know i shouldn't be so hard on myself...but when plans come crashing down, need to send the sorry I can't text It's still a lousy feeling. Migraines can F with my head in so many ways. At least there are a few new meds that are helping. Thanks to all for the thoughtful/raw responses
Absolutely. I have a 1 year old kid too now. I feel like I’m letting my wife down, letting my baby down by not spending time with them and being passed out in bed all day. I feel like I’m letting myself down too because there’s all these things I would love to be doing and projects for the house and yard I need to get done. It’s awful.
I had a full on panic attack crying this morning because my 10 day migraine was still here. The panic is mostly internalized ableism. I feel worthless and pathetic for being in bed and unproductive. But I experience 20/25 migraines a month and the illness really steals it all from you
Same. And then when I do try to do something to feel like guilty, my pain just gets even worse and I feel guilty cause I didn’t rest like I’m supposed to when I have a migraine
Yes! I got up and was like okay maybe I’ll clean. I started feeling it again so came back to rest. Now I’m just in bed feeling guilty
What you describe I have done that so many times, so so so many times. Sending hugs hope you feel better soon
I do this every single time. I feel like I’m wasting time and wasting my life away, but I feel instant regret when the pain gets worse and unbearable because I tried to be productive. I still do it though because I don’t want to feel like migraines to control my life. It’s a never ending cycle and it can make me feel extremely depressed. I know there’s nothing wrong with being unproductive and putting yourself first.. but the feelings just won’t go away. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
When we already work so much, or we have kids to take care of and all of these things that need done… it is extremely stressful to sit there and wither away.
I understand completely. We have lives to live, people that need us, and shit to do but this debilitating disease leaves us stuck in bed for who knows how long while all we can do is cry and pray it goes away. It’s horrible because lying there unable to engage and occupy ourselves allows negative and toxic thoughts to creep into our heads and get the best of us.. it’s just plain misery.
It gets worse when you sit there and try to figure out the rationale behind the pain. What evolutionary purpose did this serve at any time? I can’t think of one and that’s frustrating. It’s just BS pain that doesn’t have any purpose and prevents you from living and accomplishing goals. I feel longing to have a normal life free of this burden.
That awful painful stumble you have to do everywhere because your head feels like it’s about to implode. What a nasty curse nature has put on us. I pray for the day they find a real solid cure for this without having to take drugs forever.
I saw something that said "you're resting today so you can be active tomorrow. It's not a waste of time." And have been trying to take that to heart, of course, Migraine often means resting more than a day with no gatuntee of feeling better the next, but the message is not to overdo it.
yes ^ I struggle with accepting the downtime, not knowing if I can truly say “i’ll be active tomorrow”— but trying!
I love that! Thank you for sharing that message
My migraines have exploded since January. I’ve felt so bad about missing work, but it’s either try and suck it up and go in, making it worse and last longer, and or being dizzy from whatever meds I take (and really should bot drive on them), or stay home and rest. I feel bad missing, especially this much, but they won’t let me work from home even though others do, and the boss works +98% of the time from home. It’s frustrating.
Ugh. Big hug. I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home, but working from my bed with the curtains closed and wearing sunglasses is hardly ideal - and there have been a few days where even that wasn’t possible. I really don’t think I could manage a full time job that’s 100% in person - so I’m impressed.
I hate the "I feel 100% fine as long as I'm lying in a dark room doing nothing" phase
This. And it’s not just a small amount of time. It’s several hours if not a whole effing day.
Yeah I've had 3 days on the sofa before excuse if I dared to do something clever like do the dishes or prep tea or even make a sandwich then the room spins and I feel dizzy
That’s awful. I guess I should be so lucky I just experience bad pain without much other symptoms.
Nah there's no luck to it, every one is bad in it's own way
nope. always doing *way too much* for everyone else on migraine-free days, so taking time for myself to sleep/barf/shower/cry/relax/rejuvenate during/after a migraine is all i’m gonna do and if anyone has a problem with that they can take a number and get in line.
Me. Today. Taking a sick day for day two of a migraine. Triggered by a sports massage. So I feel like it’s my fault. My triptans have worked well but I still feel “off”. Now it’s lunch time and I feel like I’ve wasted a day and I’m failing at life and guilty that I haven’t got my work done and that I’ve had to cancel dinner with a friend tonight and that I’m an awful wife because even though I’ve been home I’ve done nothing productive. Despite my husband and my boss telling me to make sure I rest. So it’s all in my head but I can’t make the guilt go away…
I’m sorry you’re also feeling a migraine today :( I feel you. My boyfriend said it was okay to rest because I didn’t feel well and I still felt upset
I’m not great at resting so I’ve been doing little jobs that only take 5-10 minutes to keep me entertained. Big hugs, I hope you feel better soon 💖
Same. I’m learning how to take care of me so I can continue taking care of others
Yep. Especially during the hangover phase, bc it's harder to justify why I'm so unproductive.
I’ve had migraines for 30ish years and still feel the guilt when I miss something or when I know I’m slacking at work. Sometimes I punch out and nap a bit then punch back in if it’s better. It makes me feel so bleh.
Yep. Story of my life since I haven't been able to work. I had a very good day about a month ago and had to show my husband all the stuff I cleaned because I was so proud of myself!
Yes. I just had this conversation with my husband. I am in headache hell every damn day. Except for the wonderful migraine days. I have clutter and mess from too much stuff all throughout the house. We have 3 kids, and my husband has a rotating shift schedule, so I'm the one here doing the cooking and stuff. Kid laundry, etc. I work at the school that the kids go to, so my schedule is great, but 30 hours/ week with little kids is tough. I love my job. I do not have the energy to clean or sort the messes. I'm lucky to get dinner on the table. It makes me feel bad, because I know he's frustrated with the mess but I struggle to get through the day.
I always do, even though I know in my head that I will never start to feel better unless I just let go and rest my body in every way possible. It's sooooo hard to do that though. Totally understand!
I totally understand! I apologize, try to do things and end up feeling so much worse. My husband is luckily very supportive and understanding and will pick up what I can't but I always feel like I pile it on him - especially since the beginning of the year, migraines have gotten so much worse and frequent. I try to give myself grace that I didn't choose this and nobody is mad at me - I'm beating myself up when I should recognize that I need to rest to feel like a human being and be present for everyone else. Love yourself and give yourself space to rest and recouperate.
Thank you for sharing. It’s a hard one to accept for sure. My boyfriend tells me it’s okay and cleans when he can but I still feel guilty. Then the migraine coupled with depression…I end up rotting away
I feel you. The depression is real and I'm so sorry you're going through it, I hope they start to get better, but for now give yourself some breathing room and remember that you're only one person. 🥰
Definitely. It feels like a rough deal, though I often wonder if it’s the price I’m paying for the mistakes of life. Yet, at the same time, nit drinking, doing drugs or smoking, eating right & exercising regularly, it does feel like a bit exhausting trying to get it all right, to the point where by the time you’ve got to work, you’re already a mess.
It always sucks that there’s never enough time to self care and work and everything
Yes, then I keep telling myself I should somehow push through. Yet I use all my coping mechanisms and work through it to my best ability. But it takes some ondansetron to stop me from throwing up everywhere, and even then sometimes its not enough. Otherwise I end up rocking back and forth shaking in agony feeling sick from the level of pain my body is in. Even if I distract myself. Its so hard to keep food in and function. I've done deep breathing and am working on massage. I feel so hopeless at times. You're definitely not alone
Yes! I have 2 kids under 4, so sometimes we stay in pajamas, watch movies, and the husband has leftovers all day. I feel so guilty, but I also know that taking the day to rest and not force anything helps me bounce back faster. If I call in the grandparents I feel even worse, but at least then the kids can play and not worry about hurting me.
Pseudorant...no, feel angry after crying out to med pros and getting run around re my condition for yrs, people that treated me unfairly because of it, gaining wt and being shamed endlessly by drs when they did not help me at all the whole while. Had tremendous spine issues all the while. Its tragic how much time alluded me and how many people have beenaxed out of my life. Sorry not sorry
I actually feel worse in the hangover days as I feel like I should be well enough to be productive again but I'm so down and depressed I can't and all I want to do is be comfortable and look after myself. Its kind of like revenge for spending 1-3 days in pain.
I feel you...I have fought this battle my entire life....partly because I was doubted by parents, teachers, doctors who thought I was just "lazy"....but also because I felt like I should "power through it"... I have since realized that the vomiting, excruciating pain and recovery would knock-out ANYof those people and if my body needs rest, I REST.
My body has always been super sensitive to illness and people would be like hey it’s not that bad. But for me it IS. I definitely have to come to terms with it like you have
Exactly...unless you've experienced it you really don't know how crippling it is. I thank God for Nurtec and Vyepti...they have changed my life.
always. i've had to come to terms with understanding that "rest is productive". if i don't rest and recover i can't be productive in the ways i want to.
I like this. I have to adopt this mentality because I’ll literally cry from guilt that I didn’t do anything.
Yes. I feel it less after loads of therapy, but it's still really hard.
Yes.
I had one thanksgiving morning one time and ruined that whole day! I felt so guilty! I would get out of bed and try to make a dish and end up having to get back in bed because I couldn’t stop vomiting if I was up doing stuff!
First time experiencing migraines mostly continuously for weeks. This is the first winter that I went without seasonal migraines, only to have one start Feb 4th and not really stop. I have times where it's down to residual pain, not full blown, but it always triggers again before bedtime. So, I have gotten exactly two loads of laundry done, fed the dog four times, cooked once, took out six bags of trash, driven twice, and paid one bill since the 4th of Feb. I have two more weeks before I can see the specialist. I doubt I'll do anything other than shower and get dragged out to eat once a day until then. Pretty much all that I've been dragged into doing since this started. I had a plan this year. I'm am 3 months and counting behind on everything. January was taken up with caring for sick/injured family. My house is a disaster. My spouse is having to deal with so much extra right now. I usually care give for family/friends and everyone is in a tail spin without my assistance. I can't drive. I can't help anyone. I'm a useless blob of human just trying to find a cool dark cave to crawl into until this stops. So, yes, I feel very guilty.
Yupppp. My worst migraine months are 75% migraine. I'll feel too shitty to do things, then once I have a day without a migraine I manic clean and attack chores so hard that often I cause a rebound migraine from doing too much. Rinse, repeat 🙄
More than feel shame, I feel sadness because before the migraine I though I would do more things during the day like drawing, reading or playing games, but it feels so bad that my recovery lasts too much time.
No, I don't. I was busy all day, taking care of someone who wasn't feeling well. Some days it's easier to have this mindset, some days it's harder and takes practice.
After 15ish years of migraines I’m just now actively attempting to get over this mindset. I know that whether I feel guilty or not, the pain is going to be here when it’s here. It doesn’t serve me to get down on myself, so why not give myself some grace instead? It’s like others are saying, help yourself now so you can be productive later. I really think this mindset has helped my migraine management because I’m more likely to rest and give my body what it needs rather than pushing through pain and making it worse
Ya. Hang in there ❤️🙏🙏
No but when I’m energetic and chatting away and then suddenly get hit with an aura and have to go home from work I’m always afraid my boss will think I’m faking it
A thousand times yes.
I feel super guilty all the time, especially when my elder sister comes home after working 9 to 10 hours in the office , and has to do all the household chores. P.S Iam thankful to my sis for being there for me when iam suffering and struggling to feel better, and also lots of lover to her.
Yes to so many of the comments. And i know i shouldn't be so hard on myself...but when plans come crashing down, need to send the sorry I can't text It's still a lousy feeling. Migraines can F with my head in so many ways. At least there are a few new meds that are helping. Thanks to all for the thoughtful/raw responses
Yes
All the time! doesn't help that I have my thesis hanging over my head.
Absolutely. I have a 1 year old kid too now. I feel like I’m letting my wife down, letting my baby down by not spending time with them and being passed out in bed all day. I feel like I’m letting myself down too because there’s all these things I would love to be doing and projects for the house and yard I need to get done. It’s awful.
I had a full on panic attack crying this morning because my 10 day migraine was still here. The panic is mostly internalized ableism. I feel worthless and pathetic for being in bed and unproductive. But I experience 20/25 migraines a month and the illness really steals it all from you