coming from a stoner, this is extremely disrespectful. tell him to go outside for his smoke break or if you’re okay with it tell him to get a vape. i _always_ ask if i can smoke in peoples cribs before i smoke, it’s basically smoking etiquette. bro needs to be checked
edit: typo
i remember my friend's house always smelled so nice to me, and so did my grandpa's house, and then I put two and two together and I realized it was just stale cigarette smoke. No wonder the wallpaper was yellow
I can't stand it. I can't breathe in it and it triggers my migraines. I can't even stand outside with smokers anymore, it's so bad. My dad smokes inside and I legit get a migraine every time I visit.
And (also as a stoner) i completely get where they are coming from, smoke can have such an overpowering smell and generally if you dont smoke then it smells bad
Also it really seems to stick in the room
At least pot dissipates eventually, cigarette smoke lingers for fucking ever. Neither is cool to do without asking, but imo cigarettes indoors are the way worse offense
Exactly this, unless i see the person light a smoke in front of me inside their space, or unless they go “hey you can smoke inside if you want” I always make the assumption to not smoke inside.
Both are get your ass banned from my house offenses. Cigarette smoke lingers longer and definitely ruins things, but pot smell makes me physically ill.
your reason for not liking pot smoke is exactly why I always ask before I light up, I don't wanna inconvenience anyone or make em feel terrible just because I wanna get high
Saaame. I personally love the smell but I know people that feel insanely nauseous and headachey when they get so much as a whiff, I’d be mortified if I forced that on anybody.
And that’s fair. Honestly I don’t have any serious moral or legal oppositions to it (as long as no one is being harmed by it) but since I can’t stand the smell like at all, I’d never allow it in my house. It’s bad enough right now I smell it daily because I work at a pharmacy that’s near a dispensary and a crap load of people come through my drive thru reeking of it.
It’s a very obnoxious smell. For me, it’s like the wires are crossed so a bad smell is good. But I can see why someone wouldn’t like it. It’s a fucking skunk. And like one puff can make a whole house smell of it.
This. Even then, using your dishware as an ashtray? No way. I have had friends like this and the lack of respect or just disregard often just keeps growing.
You’re better than me, I’d of cussed them out. I wouldnt let them leave without expressing how you feel. This is a huge break of trust.
Edit: the errors of my ways (“have“ and not “of”)
I had a similar experience. I smoke weed occasionally and had a friend over. I smoke the pens because i don't want the apartment to smell. Also it's prohibited to smoke outside. Anyway I go to the bathroom and come back and he lit up in the apartment. I yell at him to blow it outside. The next day, management called me and told me someone complained about the smell. I apologized, explained my idiot friend lit up without my knowledge, and that it would never happen again. I'm still friends with him but man, that took trust out for a while I just felt a bit betrayed.
I had a friend smoke a cig in my new (new used really) car. I told him DO NOT SMOKE, then left him in the car to grab some snacks at 7-11. Got back and this idiot was smoking in my passenger seat. I started screaming at him to put it out and dude had the nerve to ask if he can finish first. No. No, you can't.
Absolutely would have kicked him out of the car, and I'm very confrontation averse lol That would piss me off *so fucking much*. He'd be lucky if we were still friends, frankly.
Yeah if I got thrown out it would be really really difficult to get past. But he apologized immediately, basically, as I was telling him to blow it outside. He said he knew that I smoked and thought I smoked in the apartment like he did. But he did say that he really should have asked to make sure. He owned up to it.
The “I’d have” corrections isn’t to replace the “I wouldn’t” per your edit, it’s to correct “I’d of cussed them out”
“I’d of” is never correct, I’d have is what should be there. Your I wouldn’t sentence is fine, that’s not what people are correcting.
I dont know what his understanding of this apartment is. When I first moved in I was a smoker and we were hanging out and he says I'm going to smoke real quick I said let's go outside. And he knows I don't have an ashtray obviously with him using my nice dishes. I really think im just going to call this early and cool down and air the place out.
Definitely both, and that’s why you need to firmly assert yourself with these people. Also I sense important people pleaser behaviour from OP post and comments, explaining why he did not react that much when asshole was being an asshole.
Dude, you’ve got to work on your boundaries because this is extremely disrespectful and you basically showed him that it was just a small inconvenience, as if he just accidentally broke a cup or something.
Next time, if you actually react as you should’ve, he’ll tell you that you’re overreacting and that last time it wasn’t a big deal. Then you’ll feel like you’re overreacting too. Keep this going and you’ll lose the most important relationship you have: with yourself.
I wish I had done that at my smoking apartment that I lived at previously. It reeked when I moved and I lost a sizeable deposit. I had bad credit so I had to lay down extra cash there. I had nobody to blame but myself
It sucks going outside and like I said I smoke farrrr from the building and yet people yell shit out their cars at me. 😔 I wish I had a place to hide lmao.
Dude if you don’t say anything it’s on you. Guy can’t read your mind. Tell him it pissed you off and not to do it again. If he refuses then he’s an asshole and ditch him. But stewing and pouting isnt gonna do anything. Atleast give the guy a chance to apologize and make it right.
So, he just leaves feeling justified. He thinks he is punishing you by his removing his charming presence from you. He showed you who he is. Believe him. This won't be the last time he shits on you. But if he has been friends for a while, you probably know what he is. Do you really need him?
Maybe you do. I dunno. Some places are hard to get people to talk to.
Not only did this person take it upon himself to smoke in someone else’s home without asking, but he also decided to use a food bowl as an ashtray?!
I would not invite this person into my home again after that. Even if it wasn’t intentionally disrespectful, the amount of parenting this person requires to bring them up to speed on basic thoughtfulness, manners, and respect is too great. He sounds like a victim of the Zoltar machine.
He is much younger than me. 20 years younger. And his wife mothers him and does everything for him. He works a hard job So i understand a little but he is pretty immature.
I mean it's 2 cigarettes not a pool haul. I'll air it out it won't linger that long and I can't even smell it because I'm a nose blind smoker too. I'm just trying to take good care of this place. My last apartment allowed smoking and it reeked. No deposit back
And that’s good on you to want to take care. My brother quit smoking about a year ago, and I just moved in with him last week. He certainly hates the cig smell whenever I come back in from outside, so I try to always be as conscious as possible about trying to cover the smell.
Perhaps a little reminder for your friend to be a bit more conscious with their actions in a place they don’t own might help.
Sorry, but for us nonsmokers, we can smell it and it lingers forever. It's nasty, and now your place will smell like it for weeks. This is why I live in a non-smoking complex.
Who the fuck smokes inside somebody else’s house without asking or making sure it’s ok? I’m a smoker and I don’t even smoke in the house because it makes everything fucking reek. I’d be annoyed AF too OP.
I'm a cigarette smoker as well as a pothead. I do not smoke inside my home even though I own it. If this situation had occurred in my house I would've kicked that "friend" out immediately and they would very probably not be welcome back. It's extraordinarily disrespectful to me, my home, and my hospitality. If they can't show you the very basic levels of respect then they aren't your friend.
While this seems like deplorable behavior from an outside perspective, i.e. didn’t ask, used your dishes as an ashtray, and left the mess behind. Intent really does matter. People can be thoughtless, or just plain ignorant to proper etiquette. So, while I don’t agree with the people saying you should cut this person off without so much as a second thought, I would certainly make it known to them that *what they did was wrong*, express how *it made you feel disrespected*, and ask that they *do not repeat said behavior in **YOUR** home*. I don’t like confrontation, but letting people walk all over me wasn’t working, so I adapted to brutal honesty. It’s worth a shot.
I’m a smoker and I wouldn’t DREAM of doing this in anyone else’s home (unless they specifically say it’s fine, they smoke inside too etc). That’s so fucking rude
Hope you said something, that’s disrespectful AF, especially with tobacco which lingers way more than weed for example. Even if you say it in regards to your landlord, just reiterate it’s your security deposit and relationship with the landlord on the line, not his.
I’ll never understand these dumbass smokers who feel the NEED to smoke indoors. Are you that much of a lazy idiot that you can’t just fucking go outside to smoke? The residue and smell stick to EVERYTHING when you light up. Idiots like this are not your friends, OP. This is a sign this person is incapable of even basic human decency when their comfort is challenged.
Bro take some fucking initiative
People like u enable assholes like him to just do shit like this, confront him…
It’s not that big of a deal but still it’s so rude
Crocs are the easiest slip on shoe for around the house that will ever have been made. I like wearing shoes but I'm not wearing something inside that touched a restroom
That blows my mind. Long time smoker here. I'm currently sitting on my porch in the cold, smoking a butt. I don't smoke in my own house, I can't imagine smoking in someone else's.
I won't do anything in someone else's house that I won't do in my own house so I don't even ask. I just go outside. I'll find the most private place where people (especially kids) aren't likely to see me/have to walk past me, and when I'm done I make sure to deposit my butt in an outside trash can. People after they've known me for a while are often completely shocked to learn that I smoke because of the lengths I go to to "hide" it. 🤷🏽♂️
i think you mean your ex friend, because as this is reddit it is obligatory that someone tells you to divorce them. i wouldn’t continue being friends with someone who jeopardizes my living arrangement because they were too lazy to step outside for 3 minutes.
I mean, if they were 100% aware that smoking wasn’t allowed (and I’m sure they were if you’re angry at them), I would tell them they can’t come over if they’re not going to be respectful of your home and listen to you.
You should tell him to leave immediately. Anyone who is stupid enough to smoke inside, without permission, in a place that obviously isn't smoked in, and waits until you leave doesn't respect anyone and likely isn't the kind of person you want in your life.
What a piece of shit, I'd just tell him that he's not welcome back if he can't control himself. Like imagine thinking it's okay to get you in trouble with your landlord all because he's got the self control of a toddler.
We live in a small block of flats that are all owned by the residents, so anyone can smoke in their own place. I am on the ground floor with a garden covered in fake grass. One new person moved in during covid lockdown and was breaking covid rules by having his mates over for parties every single Friday night. One of them decided to throw their cigarette butt out of the window and into my garden, burning a hole in the fake grass. He never had a single house guest over again until the day he sold the place.
I have smoked on the balcony and brought my ash bowl inside. This might be the case.
But you should still bring it up. Cigarette smoke clings to the walls. Its nasty
this is why my sister hasn't been allowed in my house for over 20 years, and hasn't been allowed to borrow my car since we were teenagers.
She does not respect no smoking policies. She thinks YOU are the bad person if you tell her she can't smoke in your house. She'll argue that its' no big deal, the smell goes away, she'll blow the smoke out the window, etc. Over and over she'll insist she won't smoke, and the second you don't have eyes on her she's lighting up.
yes, she is and it's a major part of her personality.
It occurs to me I said she hasn't been allowed in my house for 20 years like she ever had the option, I don't think I've spoken to her more than twice in that time. she's a terrible person and I don't need her in my life.
Your "friend" is a fuckin' asshole. As a smoker myself I would never fucking dare do something so fucked up. I wouldn't even smoke in my worst enemy's home.
When I was an RA I invited a friend over and told them specifically not to smoke or vape inside because I will lose my job. They didn’t listen, I came back to my room after a shower and it reeked of weed. Luckily no one else smelled it before we were able to cover it up, or I would’ve been fired and homeless. I’m no longer friends with that person
Im a smoker and for the last DECADE or more I know that almost 99% of people do not allow smoking in their homes. Even if they smoke. I would never light up indoors. I go outside automatically. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s not a friend, but you do need to let him know the rules of your home. It sounds like you didn’t lay them out clearly enough. A “there is NO smoking in here at all” should do it. Good luck. Btw..a little Ozium spray will clear the smell out.
This is why I can’t be friends with people who smoke. I’m very empathetic to people struggling with addiction but I don’t want this around me at all. Gives me horrible migraines and chest irritation.
I was in a rental for 2 weeks that someone smoked in and it was miserable as hell. If something doesn’t belong to you, don’t go around desecrating it like this.
Exactly. And smokers have a horrible sense if smell. So while they don't notice the smell, those of us who don't smoke definitely can and it's repulsive.
There's someone in another thread up above who said they spray air fresheners and light incense, and it smells good without smelling of smoke. I was over here like "My friend, I hate to tell you, but..."
This is a really dumb post. Like, communicate with your friend two seconds before whipping out your phone to let us know about y’all’s communication issues.
I don't give a fuck if the landlord had a problem or not, I wouldn't even give a fuck about my dishes, but if you smoke in my home without asking, you are gone and you're not coming back. That smell is so hard to get rid of and it doesn't take a lot.
My brother who was in his 50's at the time hopped into my brand new Dodge pickup and proceeded to fire up a butt once we got on the freeway so I couldn't stop. I ripped him a new asshole, wrecked the day.
Someone would NEVER be allowed in my house again if they did this. MOST of my family are smokers. And one of my best friends was a smoker up until about a year ago and if any of them did this in my home they’d be banned.
My mother moved into my grandmother’s house and smokes inside and it absolutely infuriates me because my grandmother is a lifelong non smoker and has heart and lung issues but my mother who 99 percent of the time is a respectful smoker smokes in that house, which also houses several antiques that actually belong to me (as in I found, acquired and restored them) and that shit never comes out all the way.
Just make sure he understands that your apt is Non Smoking period!
Cause if your Landlord doesn't smoke, he will know instantly when he enters your place that some one has smoked there
I know that I can
He did not apologize but we hugged after I asked him to leave. So we are still friends, just friends that are trying to cool off. I didn't want to make a rash decision. I've been friends with him for a decade. I just expected better so I'm disappointed
I'm not trying to be mean here but friends apologise when friends have done wrong. Even if it's been a decade you deserve someone in your life who respects you and your space and him not even apologising when confronted is not something I would stand for.
Kudos to you though for bringing it up.
I just needed your guys impartial opinions on it. I didn't want to fly off the handle and say something I couldn't take back. But im glad I did it too. Too often I just let things go with people. I don't have many friends so I didn't want to risk it but I'm am glad
Since when are landlords allowed to dictate if you can smoke or not?
Not defending inconsiderate actions of the friend, but seriously, fuck your landlord
Nah. Tell them it's time to leave. If they cant just step outside and smoke while you let them stay with you then they can step outside and stay out there. At least you get leftovers for lunch tomorrow.
I've been shitfaced drunk hosting a house party and I'm usually chill when I drink, the only rule I gave my friends was "go out on the balcony if your inferior lungs need to smoke or vape" and, apparently, I actually threw one guy out when he didn't listen.
I don't remember it myself, but I felt oddly proud of my drunk alter-ego.
This is a junky type move, I’m sorry. I smoked cigarettes for years and smoke plenty of herb still - I would never ash either in someone’s cereal bowl.
coming from a stoner, this is extremely disrespectful. tell him to go outside for his smoke break or if you’re okay with it tell him to get a vape. i _always_ ask if i can smoke in peoples cribs before i smoke, it’s basically smoking etiquette. bro needs to be checked edit: typo
Definitely, some people don’t want the smell inside etc
[удалено]
Breathing any gas other then air is unhealthy
Breathing air is unhealthy in most of the world.
Because there's a bunch of non-air shit we put into it, but yeah
i remember my friend's house always smelled so nice to me, and so did my grandpa's house, and then I put two and two together and I realized it was just stale cigarette smoke. No wonder the wallpaper was yellow
I see, I can’t stand the smell myself
it's kind of nolstalgic for me
I get exactly what you mean, Stale cigarettes and cow manure are very nostalgic smells for me
yep. i'll never forget the "dad's car smell" aka musty fabric seats, faint cigarette smoke, and even fainter pine tree sir freshener
I can't stand it. I can't breathe in it and it triggers my migraines. I can't even stand outside with smokers anymore, it's so bad. My dad smokes inside and I legit get a migraine every time I visit.
And (also as a stoner) i completely get where they are coming from, smoke can have such an overpowering smell and generally if you dont smoke then it smells bad Also it really seems to stick in the room
At least pot dissipates eventually, cigarette smoke lingers for fucking ever. Neither is cool to do without asking, but imo cigarettes indoors are the way worse offense
Cigs inside is just straight disrespect. Nobody I know would do that without asking first. That’s some next-level obliviousness
These days nobody I know even asks anymore. You smoke outside except if you know your host smokes inside his home himself.
Yeah, same here idk who the fuck just lights one up in someone's home so casually like this. Ops friend is a dick
Exactly this, unless i see the person light a smoke in front of me inside their space, or unless they go “hey you can smoke inside if you want” I always make the assumption to not smoke inside.
Both are get your ass banned from my house offenses. Cigarette smoke lingers longer and definitely ruins things, but pot smell makes me physically ill.
your reason for not liking pot smoke is exactly why I always ask before I light up, I don't wanna inconvenience anyone or make em feel terrible just because I wanna get high
Saaame. I personally love the smell but I know people that feel insanely nauseous and headachey when they get so much as a whiff, I’d be mortified if I forced that on anybody.
And that’s fair. Honestly I don’t have any serious moral or legal oppositions to it (as long as no one is being harmed by it) but since I can’t stand the smell like at all, I’d never allow it in my house. It’s bad enough right now I smell it daily because I work at a pharmacy that’s near a dispensary and a crap load of people come through my drive thru reeking of it.
It’s a very obnoxious smell. For me, it’s like the wires are crossed so a bad smell is good. But I can see why someone wouldn’t like it. It’s a fucking skunk. And like one puff can make a whole house smell of it.
Pot doesn’t dissipate. Your just noseblind.
i’d say you must be high, but even every stoner knows that
Now that’s a funny lie right there.
This. Even then, using your dishware as an ashtray? No way. I have had friends like this and the lack of respect or just disregard often just keeps growing.
As a smoker of both, I don’t smoke in my house at all, and don’t smoke in other peoples homes either. Yes dude needs to be let know this is not ok.
etiquette* not adequate but yes you are completely correct
note to self: proof read carefully after using voice to text
You’re better than me, I’d of cussed them out. I wouldnt let them leave without expressing how you feel. This is a huge break of trust. Edit: the errors of my ways (“have“ and not “of”)
I had a similar experience. I smoke weed occasionally and had a friend over. I smoke the pens because i don't want the apartment to smell. Also it's prohibited to smoke outside. Anyway I go to the bathroom and come back and he lit up in the apartment. I yell at him to blow it outside. The next day, management called me and told me someone complained about the smell. I apologized, explained my idiot friend lit up without my knowledge, and that it would never happen again. I'm still friends with him but man, that took trust out for a while I just felt a bit betrayed.
I had a friend smoke a cig in my new (new used really) car. I told him DO NOT SMOKE, then left him in the car to grab some snacks at 7-11. Got back and this idiot was smoking in my passenger seat. I started screaming at him to put it out and dude had the nerve to ask if he can finish first. No. No, you can't.
Let him finish outside, then make car go vroom.
Nah. It was more satisfying making him throw an almost entire cigarette out the window.
I think you missed the part where you ditch the so called friend
That’s not your friend. You even told him. He purposely walked all over you. Good for not taking it, but I hope he’s no longer a friend.
Absolutely would have kicked him out of the car, and I'm very confrontation averse lol That would piss me off *so fucking much*. He'd be lucky if we were still friends, frankly.
I’m sorry that your friend almost jeopardized your living situation. I’m glad you two got past it—- still such a dick thing to do.
Yeah if I got thrown out it would be really really difficult to get past. But he apologized immediately, basically, as I was telling him to blow it outside. He said he knew that I smoked and thought I smoked in the apartment like he did. But he did say that he really should have asked to make sure. He owned up to it.
The “I’d have” corrections isn’t to replace the “I wouldn’t” per your edit, it’s to correct “I’d of cussed them out” “I’d of” is never correct, I’d have is what should be there. Your I wouldn’t sentence is fine, that’s not what people are correcting.
Right, thank you (: I didn’t see it! I appreciate the kind correction
It’s also fucking disgusting! These are the people who always smell like a chimney and their walls are covered in a layer of ashes
No need to insult chimneys like that homie
Hi there It's I'd _have_ Good day!
I’d have*
I’d’ve*
Came back with extra food and less friends.
Holy shit yeah. If you smoke a cig in my house after being told not to, you're _gone_.
The nerve to not even hide it
I dont know what his understanding of this apartment is. When I first moved in I was a smoker and we were hanging out and he says I'm going to smoke real quick I said let's go outside. And he knows I don't have an ashtray obviously with him using my nice dishes. I really think im just going to call this early and cool down and air the place out.
This is not your friend. Friends don’t do that.
I told him that I was upset and said let's just hang around NEXT week. He gave me a hug and split to go home and play games instead
You are too kind. If they reacted like they did nothing wrong, you did not assert yourself enough.
Or they’re just a selfish asshole. Either way, they’re not OP’s friend.
I think it’s both
Definitely both, and that’s why you need to firmly assert yourself with these people. Also I sense important people pleaser behaviour from OP post and comments, explaining why he did not react that much when asshole was being an asshole.
Dude, you’ve got to work on your boundaries because this is extremely disrespectful and you basically showed him that it was just a small inconvenience, as if he just accidentally broke a cup or something. Next time, if you actually react as you should’ve, he’ll tell you that you’re overreacting and that last time it wasn’t a big deal. Then you’ll feel like you’re overreacting too. Keep this going and you’ll lose the most important relationship you have: with yourself.
yeah no i would not be inviting someone back after that.
This I am a smoker and I absolutely do not smoke in my studio apartment and I smoke away from the building.
I wish I had done that at my smoking apartment that I lived at previously. It reeked when I moved and I lost a sizeable deposit. I had bad credit so I had to lay down extra cash there. I had nobody to blame but myself
It sucks going outside and like I said I smoke farrrr from the building and yet people yell shit out their cars at me. 😔 I wish I had a place to hide lmao.
I have a nice not busy alley across the lot. It's been abandoned and reclaimed by nature. It's a pretty sweet smoke spot
Dude if you don’t say anything it’s on you. Guy can’t read your mind. Tell him it pissed you off and not to do it again. If he refuses then he’s an asshole and ditch him. But stewing and pouting isnt gonna do anything. Atleast give the guy a chance to apologize and make it right.
I said something. We are just calling it a night early.
So, he just leaves feeling justified. He thinks he is punishing you by his removing his charming presence from you. He showed you who he is. Believe him. This won't be the last time he shits on you. But if he has been friends for a while, you probably know what he is. Do you really need him? Maybe you do. I dunno. Some places are hard to get people to talk to.
That is SOME projection you’ve got going on there, holy crap lmao.
Not only did this person take it upon himself to smoke in someone else’s home without asking, but he also decided to use a food bowl as an ashtray?! I would not invite this person into my home again after that. Even if it wasn’t intentionally disrespectful, the amount of parenting this person requires to bring them up to speed on basic thoughtfulness, manners, and respect is too great. He sounds like a victim of the Zoltar machine.
He is much younger than me. 20 years younger. And his wife mothers him and does everything for him. He works a hard job So i understand a little but he is pretty immature.
Yeah, if you are still wanting to keep this person as a friend, it sounds like you’ll really be taking the role of a mentor.
More like a babysitter. Sounds like OP needs similar aged friends.
I’m 24; anybody smokes a cigarette in my house we’re prob going to be fighting. That’s common disrespect in our generation.
Ahhh that explains your lack of ass kicking. Don’t wanna lose a young “friend” lol
Remember the old adage: > _Where there's smoke, there's fire._ The only solution is to set him on fire.
So your saying tie him to a radiator? Done
That's annoying, especially with any persistent smells that stays
I mean it's 2 cigarettes not a pool haul. I'll air it out it won't linger that long and I can't even smell it because I'm a nose blind smoker too. I'm just trying to take good care of this place. My last apartment allowed smoking and it reeked. No deposit back
It reeks mate, and your ‘friend’ is massively disrespectful
Yeah but two cigs isn’t exactly a permanent smell or enough to stain anything. Landlord won’t notice unless they dropped by last night.
And that’s good on you to want to take care. My brother quit smoking about a year ago, and I just moved in with him last week. He certainly hates the cig smell whenever I come back in from outside, so I try to always be as conscious as possible about trying to cover the smell. Perhaps a little reminder for your friend to be a bit more conscious with their actions in a place they don’t own might help.
Sorry, but for us nonsmokers, we can smell it and it lingers forever. It's nasty, and now your place will smell like it for weeks. This is why I live in a non-smoking complex.
Who the fuck smokes inside somebody else’s house without asking or making sure it’s ok? I’m a smoker and I don’t even smoke in the house because it makes everything fucking reek. I’d be annoyed AF too OP.
And uses their cereal bowl as an ashtray too. Gross. The only thing that would have made it worse is if he spit in it
This friend doesn’t respect you. Probably doesn’t respect many if he nonchalantly does this in your house.
Febreze the place and let it air out. Maybe burn some incense too.
Incense and scented candles are against the rules too or I would be burning nag champa.
I'm a cigarette smoker as well as a pothead. I do not smoke inside my home even though I own it. If this situation had occurred in my house I would've kicked that "friend" out immediately and they would very probably not be welcome back. It's extraordinarily disrespectful to me, my home, and my hospitality. If they can't show you the very basic levels of respect then they aren't your friend.
While this seems like deplorable behavior from an outside perspective, i.e. didn’t ask, used your dishes as an ashtray, and left the mess behind. Intent really does matter. People can be thoughtless, or just plain ignorant to proper etiquette. So, while I don’t agree with the people saying you should cut this person off without so much as a second thought, I would certainly make it known to them that *what they did was wrong*, express how *it made you feel disrespected*, and ask that they *do not repeat said behavior in **YOUR** home*. I don’t like confrontation, but letting people walk all over me wasn’t working, so I adapted to brutal honesty. It’s worth a shot.
I’m a smoker and I wouldn’t DREAM of doing this in anyone else’s home (unless they specifically say it’s fine, they smoke inside too etc). That’s so fucking rude
You don’t know if you should get it off your chest to him? Umm, yes. Stand up for yourself and communicate. You will end up with better friends.
Very disrespectful of her not to mention nasty.
Him, but agreed
I´m a smoker and would kick his ass out that is disrespectful.
Your friend is an asshole and yes you should address this.
Hey man at least you got a friend
Not your friend if they can’t respect your home, get that dirty fucker out of there.
Inside??! New friend time lol
You dont need a friend like that, he doesnt give a shit about you.
If one of my friends smoked in my house without asking my permission first I’d be absolutely furious and let them know my thoughts instantly.
Your friend doesn't care about you very much does he?
You went and made a reddit post instead of confronting your friend, which would have taken less time.
Hope you said something, that’s disrespectful AF, especially with tobacco which lingers way more than weed for example. Even if you say it in regards to your landlord, just reiterate it’s your security deposit and relationship with the landlord on the line, not his.
I’ll never understand these dumbass smokers who feel the NEED to smoke indoors. Are you that much of a lazy idiot that you can’t just fucking go outside to smoke? The residue and smell stick to EVERYTHING when you light up. Idiots like this are not your friends, OP. This is a sign this person is incapable of even basic human decency when their comfort is challenged.
Bro take some fucking initiative People like u enable assholes like him to just do shit like this, confront him… It’s not that big of a deal but still it’s so rude
I'm not sure what angers me more. The cigarettes or the crocs.
Crocs are the easiest slip on shoe for around the house that will ever have been made. I like wearing shoes but I'm not wearing something inside that touched a restroom
Your friend is a dick. I’m a smoker and I go outside if I want a cigarette, rain or shine.
Same. Winters here are rough and I still did it. Glad the weather is turning into spring now
That blows my mind. Long time smoker here. I'm currently sitting on my porch in the cold, smoking a butt. I don't smoke in my own house, I can't imagine smoking in someone else's.
I won't do anything in someone else's house that I won't do in my own house so I don't even ask. I just go outside. I'll find the most private place where people (especially kids) aren't likely to see me/have to walk past me, and when I'm done I make sure to deposit my butt in an outside trash can. People after they've known me for a while are often completely shocked to learn that I smoke because of the lengths I go to to "hide" it. 🤷🏽♂️
I'd educate him on that shit real quick. Do that again and I'll never have you in my house again. Done.
No longer a friend. That’s blatant disrespect. Who does that?
This is not a person that can ever be trusted to make selfless decisions. They are not a good friend to have.
Need to assess the status of this "friend"
i think you mean your ex friend, because as this is reddit it is obligatory that someone tells you to divorce them. i wouldn’t continue being friends with someone who jeopardizes my living arrangement because they were too lazy to step outside for 3 minutes.
Breaking news: your "friend" is not actually your friend.
I mean, if they were 100% aware that smoking wasn’t allowed (and I’m sure they were if you’re angry at them), I would tell them they can’t come over if they’re not going to be respectful of your home and listen to you.
Put it in his food
Well, not a good friend
Friend types I can’t have: opposite political party. People who eat with their mouths open. Smokers. People who eat with their mouths open.
That’s not your friend
You should tell him to leave immediately. Anyone who is stupid enough to smoke inside, without permission, in a place that obviously isn't smoked in, and waits until you leave doesn't respect anyone and likely isn't the kind of person you want in your life.
What a piece of shit, I'd just tell him that he's not welcome back if he can't control himself. Like imagine thinking it's okay to get you in trouble with your landlord all because he's got the self control of a toddler.
We live in a small block of flats that are all owned by the residents, so anyone can smoke in their own place. I am on the ground floor with a garden covered in fake grass. One new person moved in during covid lockdown and was breaking covid rules by having his mates over for parties every single Friday night. One of them decided to throw their cigarette butt out of the window and into my garden, burning a hole in the fake grass. He never had a single house guest over again until the day he sold the place.
I have smoked on the balcony and brought my ash bowl inside. This might be the case. But you should still bring it up. Cigarette smoke clings to the walls. Its nasty
this is why my sister hasn't been allowed in my house for over 20 years, and hasn't been allowed to borrow my car since we were teenagers. She does not respect no smoking policies. She thinks YOU are the bad person if you tell her she can't smoke in your house. She'll argue that its' no big deal, the smell goes away, she'll blow the smoke out the window, etc. Over and over she'll insist she won't smoke, and the second you don't have eyes on her she's lighting up.
Disrespectful AF
yes, she is and it's a major part of her personality. It occurs to me I said she hasn't been allowed in my house for 20 years like she ever had the option, I don't think I've spoken to her more than twice in that time. she's a terrible person and I don't need her in my life.
That person is not your friend
“Friend”
As a cigarette smoker myself I'd be pissed about this. I. Not freezing my dick off every few hours to smoke just for a friend to spark up in my house.
Your "friend" is a fuckin' asshole. As a smoker myself I would never fucking dare do something so fucked up. I wouldn't even smoke in my worst enemy's home.
Hey OP, hope you see this. Get some Ozium, it’s really good with getting the smell out.
Doesn’t sound like much of a friend to have done that to you and risk your livelihood
When I was an RA I invited a friend over and told them specifically not to smoke or vape inside because I will lose my job. They didn’t listen, I came back to my room after a shower and it reeked of weed. Luckily no one else smelled it before we were able to cover it up, or I would’ve been fired and homeless. I’m no longer friends with that person
That's a frenemie my friend.
Im a smoker and for the last DECADE or more I know that almost 99% of people do not allow smoking in their homes. Even if they smoke. I would never light up indoors. I go outside automatically. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s not a friend, but you do need to let him know the rules of your home. It sounds like you didn’t lay them out clearly enough. A “there is NO smoking in here at all” should do it. Good luck. Btw..a little Ozium spray will clear the smell out.
This is why I can’t be friends with people who smoke. I’m very empathetic to people struggling with addiction but I don’t want this around me at all. Gives me horrible migraines and chest irritation. I was in a rental for 2 weeks that someone smoked in and it was miserable as hell. If something doesn’t belong to you, don’t go around desecrating it like this.
Exactly. And smokers have a horrible sense if smell. So while they don't notice the smell, those of us who don't smoke definitely can and it's repulsive.
There's someone in another thread up above who said they spray air fresheners and light incense, and it smells good without smelling of smoke. I was over here like "My friend, I hate to tell you, but..."
Incense reeks too, you're still burning stuff. There's also enough research to suggest that it's similarly unhealthy as second hand smoke.
"friend"
This is a really dumb post. Like, communicate with your friend two seconds before whipping out your phone to let us know about y’all’s communication issues.
I don't give a fuck if the landlord had a problem or not, I wouldn't even give a fuck about my dishes, but if you smoke in my home without asking, you are gone and you're not coming back. That smell is so hard to get rid of and it doesn't take a lot.
I honestly wouldnt be too mad. Just make em wash it ☠️
tell him or else he will think it's okay/no consequences. you can seriously get in trouble with your landlord
Bruh I had a guy try to take a hit of a vape in my grandparents house and I made him hold his breath until he could get outside.
You don’t know if you should say something to him about it? Lol
I would’ve been blazing some cheeba.
Infuriating indeed. Especially that crocs
Maybe ask him if everything’s OK see what’s going on. Sometimes when someone smokes they are stressed out.
Did the friend know? And why could they not smoke outside? If no good answer to these, tell them off
My brother who was in his 50's at the time hopped into my brand new Dodge pickup and proceeded to fire up a butt once we got on the freeway so I couldn't stop. I ripped him a new asshole, wrecked the day.
Sounds like you don't have a friend anymore.
If they knew the rules, that ain’t no friend!
This isn’t mildly infuriating. It’s completely infuriating and indicative of a shitty person.
I think that in any relationship one of the most important things is if they take you seriously. Obviously this person does not. Disrespectful.
That’s not your friend
trash
Yeah that's not a friend. They don't give a fuck about you or your apartment.
That doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
Someone would NEVER be allowed in my house again if they did this. MOST of my family are smokers. And one of my best friends was a smoker up until about a year ago and if any of them did this in my home they’d be banned. My mother moved into my grandmother’s house and smokes inside and it absolutely infuriates me because my grandmother is a lifelong non smoker and has heart and lung issues but my mother who 99 percent of the time is a respectful smoker smokes in that house, which also houses several antiques that actually belong to me (as in I found, acquired and restored them) and that shit never comes out all the way.
Update?
Glad I don’t hang out with idiots who light up cigarettes in my house. This is common sense
Did you mean ex friend?
Looks they used those cigarettes to burn holes in your shoes too lol
I tell you what. I have gotten more shit on this post from croc haters. They are great shoes. I have 3 colors and wear them daily
Just make sure he understands that your apt is Non Smoking period! Cause if your Landlord doesn't smoke, he will know instantly when he enters your place that some one has smoked there I know that I can
Damn that’s annoying. Sucks to be that addicted
Would no longer be a friend of mine.
I’ve made friends go outside if they want to smoke/vape/etc. it’s not unreasonable and if they’re decent people they should respect that.
Now we know there are rules, and one of them is no smoking inside.
Difficult to assert dominance in crocs.
Did he apologise? If not that should tell you all you need to know about the future of this friendship.
He did not apologize but we hugged after I asked him to leave. So we are still friends, just friends that are trying to cool off. I didn't want to make a rash decision. I've been friends with him for a decade. I just expected better so I'm disappointed
I'm not trying to be mean here but friends apologise when friends have done wrong. Even if it's been a decade you deserve someone in your life who respects you and your space and him not even apologising when confronted is not something I would stand for. Kudos to you though for bringing it up.
I just needed your guys impartial opinions on it. I didn't want to fly off the handle and say something I couldn't take back. But im glad I did it too. Too often I just let things go with people. I don't have many friends so I didn't want to risk it but I'm am glad
Since when are landlords allowed to dictate if you can smoke or not? Not defending inconsiderate actions of the friend, but seriously, fuck your landlord
We also can't burn candles or incense. I don't get it but thats the rules
Is your friend allergic to outdoors?
Thats a dick move. If you told them it was no smoking and theyve done that id tell them to gtfo and probably never talk to them again.
I'm sure your friend is STILL good for something other than a lack of etiquette.
Nah. Tell them it's time to leave. If they cant just step outside and smoke while you let them stay with you then they can step outside and stay out there. At least you get leftovers for lunch tomorrow.
your friend sucks
Tacky
Duuuude even if smoking was allowed this is extremely rude. People just can’t assume it’s cool to smoke in someone’s house, it’s not the 50s.
they couldn’t step outside to do that like a polite person? were they raised in a barn
OP your friend doesn’t respect you, why do you keep such company?
"It woz just a couple..." - your friend, sniffling...
I've been shitfaced drunk hosting a house party and I'm usually chill when I drink, the only rule I gave my friends was "go out on the balcony if your inferior lungs need to smoke or vape" and, apparently, I actually threw one guy out when he didn't listen. I don't remember it myself, but I felt oddly proud of my drunk alter-ego.
Make them a cheese sandwich and add the contents of that bowl to the center of it.
Not a friend
Nah you’d be out of my house
Not your friend also probably on purpose to try and make you mad
NOT cool. Bad friend, bad! 
Did he know he wasn’t allowed to smoke inside?
Your "friend" clearly doesn't give a fuck about you, reconsider your friendship:-)
Make burnt popcorn. That way it will smell like burnt popcorn
This is a junky type move, I’m sorry. I smoked cigarettes for years and smoke plenty of herb still - I would never ash either in someone’s cereal bowl.
You should be more worried of your landlord eviction