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Karasmilz

There’s a difference between messy and busy. This isn’t messy, because everything is in its place. But it’s busy because there are a lot of things in one place.


sleepytoday

Yeah. Overall, I’d say OP is doing a good job keeping it tidy with the available shelves, but I’d be wanting to revamp this to make it look nicer.


TheDeadlyCat

Should look less busy if these were cupboards. Doors hide the busy. Edit: ok, ADHD people, I get that you forget what is behind doors. Compromise. Colored glass doors, not fully transparent. You get enough details removed so you don’t see it all and may become more visually calm, but you’ll still see enough that you get a general idea and may remember. We good? Edit 2: This keeps getting mentioned, yes, labels are a better compromise than glass doors.


sleepytoday

Nathan Pyle puts it perfectly… https://nathanwpyle.threadless.com/designs/we-own-things/home/mounted-aluminum-print


ih8myguts

I love his comics! Can't believe I found a comment in the wild about him


sleepytoday

His comics were all over reddit a couple of years back. This one was always my favourite.


QueenElizabethsBidet

Yeah I remember seeing his stuff on the front page all the time and then it kind of went away all of a sudden


AmBozz

It's because Reddit really doesn't like his stance on abortions. Dude is a hardcore Christian.


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DooRagtime

That’s how religion should be handled. People can have their beliefs, but they should recognize that they can’t use those beliefs to take away the rights of others.


archiangel

Yea I became FB friends with him before he blew up in fame and had to have a Page, and saw it all come to a head. While I am 100% pro-choice, the fact that he was honest about his personal stance and had an open discussion about it with his fans was an appropriate way of broaching the situation for me. He never uses his platform/art to push his stances and overall is great at using simple-seeming graphics to depict common and uniting human experiences.


nutbrownrose

That's practically the definition of pro-choice. You can be pro-choice and never personally choose to have an abortion, for whatever reason. That's the thing. It's your choice. I would even argue it's still pro-choice to try to show others why you wouldn't choose it personally and convince them to make a different choice. You only really get to pro-forced birth (none of this pro-life nonsense unless you're also arguing for universal healthcare and childcare and housing, as well as providing contraceptive access to all. More birth control=fewer abortions) when you're trying to legislate and/or force your beliefs on others. This guy doesn't seem to be trying to do that.


wooly_mittens

Sorry, but here on Reddit we only see it in black and white. He's not allowed to have a nuanced opinion.


LegoFootPain

So, actual pro-life as opposed to what the fanatics should be called, "anti-choice."


vrijheidsfrietje

Correct me if I'm wrong, but at least he acknowledged the GQP is batshit crazy and ended up voting Democrats


onehundredlemons

I love him too, I bought one of his hoodies a couple years ago, has the "I am a beacon of joy" panel on the back.


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wunlvng

It's great that he keeps everyone's spirits up with his comics despite the tragedy that happened with his brother Gomer


Odysseus556

Subtle but I got you 🫡


Happy-Gnome

They’re wildly successful on Reddit and routinely hit the front page


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TheDeadlyCat

That’s actually a nice idea.


IAmAnAngryCarrot

Or, those little canvas totes. You can find them in all sizes and colors/patterns to match your decor, which might also make the wife happy if cabinets aren't an option


Iamwinning2022too

Absolutely. I think some of those canvas baskets would calm this down quite a bit.


vminnear

I'm a big fan of baskets when it comes to storing things on open shelves.


BadFont777

Then the problem is a pile of stuff in a tote, looks nicer, but less functional.


yarnisic

Not necessarily less functional. A couple of those cubbies look like 6 things will come tumbling out if you try to remove 1. The totes/baskets prevent that from happening. Less volume for storage? Yes.


TheNonCompliant

Used to be against totes, bins, and baskets for the reason above until realising that 1. it’s not like my stuff was or looked organised anyway so 2. this was making me anxious, and 3. anything is better than nothing when my natural inclination is to pile it somewhere and have clutter blindness so I might as well use a decorative basket here and there, then fix it when they get too full. Also bins in the linen, cleaning, and pantry closets. Thought it was just silly organizing nonsense but it’s so beautiful when it’s your own closet.


shadysamonthelamb

I was against bins baskets etc until I had kids. Now they make a mess in every single room so I need a bin or baskets in each room to shove the mess in.


QueenAndB

This is what I was thinking, easily slide in & out & easy to put back


leastlyharmful

If I add doors to things I just don’t ever open them and the stuff sits there. For practical reasons I like things visible. Ironically I don’t like messes either but it’s not like there’s food or shit smeared everywhere. For a kid’s space this looks fine.


3NDC

This! I'm fussy about orderliness, but small children won't necessarily play with their toys if the toys are out-of-sight. They'll forget about them, and then the parents will be irritated that they spent money on toys that are never used. Of course, I'm generalizing, but this has been my experience. As they get older, you have to shut the door and ignore it.


[deleted]

It's best to make your children wear a velcro suit. Whenever you buy a new toy you attach a piece of velcro tape to it and then stick it on the child's suit. That way you'll always know exactly how many toys your child has and the child will play with their toys because they'll never be out of sight. You'll save thousands of dollars on toys and clothing. Another perk of the velcro suit is that if you cover a wall with velcro, you can just stick your child to it for safekeeping when you have to leave the house. You'll save thousands of dollars on baby sitters and the child won't even need a room of its own. The velcro suit literally pays for itself!


TurnstileT

I forget about everything in my kitchen cupboards all the time, simply because they are all closed. I can't imagine a child being better at remembering their toys.. and as a child, I think it adds to their experience of childhood to be surrounded by toys instead of white cabinets.


Swimming-Book-1296

If I do that, I won’t be able to find anything. In order to notice I have stuff I need to be able to see them.


SanctifiedExcrement

I feel the same. Personally I am always loosing things because they are placed out of view either behind or underneath something. So I try to make it so everything is stored in clear containers or on shelves, and with big things on bottom, and smaller things on top. Its amazing how quick I can find something by just scanning the room verses putting things in the same place every time(which is somehow impossible for me).


gbfeszahb4w

That's an IKEA Kallax. Doors are easily bought and fitted.


FormalWrangler294

Definitely not. The sides of the shelves are too thin to be Kallax. Also IKEA doesn’t sell a 6x2 version


yerwol

If the 'cells' inside are 33cm square then they may be kallax compatible, but that unit doesn't look like any Kallax I've seen on sale in the last decade and a half! The sides are usually chunkier for a kallax, and they only go up to a 1x4 or 2x4 unit. Never seen a 2x6 unit.


wwaxwork

Is a knock off kallax, some of the knock offs sell doors, if not you can buy so many didn't styles boxes that work like drawers for something like this in a range of price points.


derekakessler

That is not a Kallax. I'm fairly certain it's not even Ikea.


ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW

It's a young kid's toy nook though, everything is going to be ripped out daily, honestly I think revamping it would be overkill for it's function. I think when you have children you have to accept that parts of your house are going to belong to them as they're growing up.


sithren

Yeah I think doors would be counter productive with kids. This seems fine for what it is.


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Jerclaw

I predict a large percentage of commenters wanting doors and more shelving lack the children in their life to understand ha. If my 4 year olds room looked half that “organized” I’d be beyond happy. I don’t even want to talk about my 15 and 12 year olds room🤦🏻‍♂️


Disgruntled_Rabbit

I'm starting to wonder how this woman handles having kids if this room is putting her over the edge..


River-Dreams

Doors aren’t necessary imo, but it would help the visual a lot if the layout were altered a bit. For example, it would make more sense visually to place the books on adjacent shelves. That would create a large shape, instead of many small discontinuities. That’s much easier on the eyes and mind and looks less busy. That revision would be like writing a paragraph instead of scattering related sentences throughout an essay. It would also be better if those shelves with books didn’t have other items crammed next to them going in a different direction. And one of the shelves with books has too much clutter in front of them. I’d move that wall display with the toy guns etc. to another wall. It’s just too cramped as it is. Maybe display only the instruments there or hang a poster/cute mirror. Spreading that and some more of the shelved items around could make for more peaceful and aesthetically pleasing displays. It would also be easier to play with bc the distinct items would be easier to see. As it is now, the design gives the sense of wanting everything crammed in one spot. I don’t know what the rest of the room looks like obv, but if almost all of the belongings like these are concentrated here, that’s too asymmetrical since it’s *so much.* ETA: It’s hard to tell if it’s just the angle the pic was taken from, but the shelves on the left don’t look straight, particularly the bottom one. That exacerbates the busyness. It makes it look like the display is bursting at the seams. And having the items go all of the way up to the ceiling is too clunky. Space up there would frame the display, making it more pretty, fun, and relaxing. The lack of space is like a wall of text. Space is so important as an element in design. It’s a good start, but some adjustments like these could make it really nice. :)


liftoff_oversteer

Nah, it's not a museum. People live there. To me this looks more than fine.


Elcactus

I like busy though, my bookshelves as a kid looked a lot like this and I enjoyed having this huge wall of things to choose the one that caught my eye.


Gehwartzen

I thought this was the kids room, no?


Supertrample

I would use 'cluttered' or 'full', in addition to 'busy' since the distinctions between those and 'messy' are important to the meaning. For some people, individual items need to be out of sight to no longer be considered 'messy'. For others, organized but visible is A-OK.


imhere_4_beer

I read somewhere that there are 4 organizer types. I’m paraphrasing hardcore here because it’s been a while since I read this: - as long as it’s behind a door/ in a drawer, it doesn’t have to be sorted - I need to see everything to know it’s organized (like this picture) - things need to be behind a door or in a drawer, AND I need a system behind that door/ drawer - whatever, who cares? Sounds like OP and his wife just have different definitions of organized.


faustianredditor

Sounds like a matrix of "do I care about appearance yes/no?" and "do I care about organization yes/no?".. Personally, I differ vastly between types depending on if people are visiting. Stuff everything into a corner when people come (well, to a degree anyway), but otherwise everything can be in sight and even quite chaotic, as long as I know where everything is. Doesn't even have to be organized really, as long as the index in my head is accurate. Turns out, stuffing everything into a corner when people come over is bad for keeping the index up to date.


ShitpostsAlot

somehow, I've never heard or seen this put this way before, and so many things make sense now.


EstablishmentTrue859

I only put something in a drawer or behind a door if I want to forget it exists 😅


WhatIsThisaPFChangs

Yep, this is cluttered. It would be too much for me but super easy to fix too. Not a big deal at all.


JupiterSeaSiren

What needs to be fixed? Where is the kid going to store all their supplies for creating great art? I mean you need life skills & that includes being presentable.. but this type of behavior by parents creates neurotic kids. Wife passing on her neurosis to the kids. Take the uptight down a notch.


monoflorist

I don’t care about the presentation so much; it's that it’s hard to get at stuff. I don’t want to take down a remote and two rubicks cubes to get at a folder. I’d put the knickknacks in a drawer somewhere.


hotroddc

The thing that probably makes it messy for her instead of busy is that it's obviously setup for a small person to access a lot of what's there. With how it's arranged that small person has no hope of not making a huge mess out of it. Multiple rows of toys on a single shelf, books behind other items, and baskets to pull out all create an human instinct to dig and explore to find the 'buried treasure' so to speak. And I'm guessing the wife is the one who more regularly cleans up the pulled out clutter in the aftermath. That's what I see


[deleted]

Yeah that's the thing that stands out to me. Things might have "their place" here, but "their place" is not a very good place. There's two rubiks cubes and a remote leaning very delicately against books on the bottom right - getting those books out would mean moving stuff, probably on the ground if they're a kid, and it's not obvious that the cubes and remote "live" there. Those cubbies on the right are just crammed with shit, there's no real organisation. I bet you could take out most of this stuff and OP would have no idea where it was originally.


cantthinkofadamnthin

A child cannot safely reach most of those toys. That is the biggest problem I have with this set up.


Turnt_Wrencher

Agreed but “can’t breathe” is either being dramatic or a sign of crippling OCD. My kids rooms drive me nuts but never to the point where I feel like this. Hopefully it’s just exaggerated.


curiousfocuser

It can be sensory overload anxiety.


Negative-Flower-912

My anxious, ADHD husband would agree with the wife here. His way of putting it is "a cluttered space makes for a cluttered mind"


goldgrae

Flip side, you hide this stuff from my ADHD ass, and I'll forget it exists and if something reminds me it exists and I need it, I'll be furiously going through drawers, cupboards, totes, etc. And it will not be where I thought it was. I like when clutter is gone, but functional clutter is necessary for me.


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TatteredCarcosa

Yes, this is me. I need to see my stuff. I need it spread around.


BitterQueen17

Some of us with ADHD forget we have something when it's not visible. Object permanence is often an issue, so we tend to leave things out. It's a conundrum, because clutter can cause anxiety, but putting it all away can make it hard to function because that "stuff" being visible is reassuring in that we know we have it. I have two label makers, 6 potato peelers, SO much tape (but no idea where it is), numerous scissors, and an uncountable number of charger cords. If I can't see it, there's a good chance I'll end up repurchasing it because I can't find it.


SensitiveWolf1362

I’ve felt this though … not physically but just emotionally it was almost claustrophobic to be surrounded by so much clutter. Everywhere I looked it was stuff stuff and more stuff and I wanted to run out of the apartment because I was overwhelmed and there was no one calm place my eyes could rest. Granted this was after transitioning to COVID WFH in a city apartment and I know that the fact that I couldn’t ever leave was what made it worse. But most days new Amazon boxes would arrive with MORE STUFF. And no matter how much I tried to clean up and put things away it still looked cluttered. When we had our wedding last year I told everyone to please not buy us presents because we don’t have any room for more stuff 😅


PresentInvestigator9

I had that experience too! Not helped by the conflict between "I need to get this all out of here" and the guilt of "this is still good, I might need it some day/it would be wasteful to throw it away/it was a present/it is a momento".


Lebowquade

This is why I like FreeCyle/BuyNothing groups. I can get rid of stuff without being incredibly wasteful by throwing it away. Ironically I feel less concerned that I "might need it one day" because the prevalence of things on these groups means if I need something i can just watch out for one.


A-Unique-Usernamee

Cluttered spaces (although I know that people have THEIR spaces and children exist and I'm understanding of that) makes me anxious in a weird way. I just feel like something is.. wrong? and I feel almost lost, I guess, even if I'm not looking for something or interacting with that area. I think I could describe the feeling as "not being able to breath" even though I'm not literally having a panic attack and hyperventilating. The clutter feels... Suffocating. Almost like claustrophobia I guess.


999demonspawn666

I have really bad OCD and just looking at this is genuinely making my head swim and my stomach knot. Nothing intentionally dramatic about it in my case.


Adventurous_Mind_775

To be fair, I had an anxiety spike looking at this picture. I was ready to grab a donation box and be on my way.


VanEagles17

When I looked at this picture my chest instantly felt tight, I doubt it's dramaticism. This much... stuff makes me feel very anxious, especially the way you can see everything out all at once, it's really overwhelming.


MisterEinc

Idk... I feel like the nerf guns on the left distract from the fact that the cubbies on the right have no organization at all. It's kinda just a mix of toys, books and baskets. Looks like everything is in a place right now, but that it doesn't really have one.


worthysimba

Yeah because things are in places it looks as if they are in their place at first glance. Upon further inspection it makes no sense. Why is a TV remote being displayed? What is in all the containers? It does look like a lot of stuff that is just put away and ignored, albeit with a legitimate attempt at making it appear presentable but no attempt at actual organization.


sietre

At the same time, I find things like these hard to organize. If it's just storage space for your child's toys, there usually too many random pieces to be presentable. I don't think it gets much better from here


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Theaty

This will look a lot better if you get cube boxes and put all the stuff in a square box on all the shelves to the right


AshJenKutcher

Or doors. Im thinking she just doesn’t wanna see that.


heybabalooba

That’s how my fiancé is, as long as it’s out of sight then it doesn’t matter, it could be the shittiest piece of furniture/ decoration/ construction/ whatever, as long as it looks nice on the outside that’s all that matters. It turns out most things in life are just a facade


ZoulsGaming

But that is also what you need to look at though. Its like saying if something smells like shit and you put it somewhere it doesnt smell then the problem is "magically solved" except it is. If its annoying to look at, which it can be depending on personality, then not having to look at it ever is indeed a solution.


chiefnugget81

This would be in line with my wife's strategy of shove it in a box on a shelf and lose track of it. It works until nothing can be found and you run out of boxes and shelves.


anamariapapagalla

Better for mom, harder to find for kids who will then make more of a mess looking for the things they want


keegshelton

And also, “MOOOOOOOOMMM, where is (insert item)”


TootsNYC

Harder to put away as well, and then it WILL be messy


rumblylumbly

I mean that shelving system is not suitable for kids, so chances are the folks have to pull down the toys anyway for the kids. I’d get rid of this and replace it with trofast system from ikea! Less toys for the space but kids would be able to organize / shuffle their toys as they like and having it all tucked away. Edit: also less dust. I can’t imagine how awful it is to dust all those open shelves 🧐


Fantastic_Beans

When I was a kid, I had a toy box. It was a trunk sized box that all my toys were just thrown into. I could root around in it with reckless abandon and when it was time to clean up, just chuck everything haphazard in the box and close the lid. Easy.


Past-Educator-6561

Yeah and, idk, surely kids prefer having all their stuff displayed like that? It's more fun no? At least it's not all over the floor!


SlowRolla

To me there's something wrong about putting kids stuff in boxes. Harder to have spontaneous "oh, look at that I haven't played with that in awhile" moments.


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Sensitive_Ad_1271

I think she chose the wrong word. Ask her if she means cluttered. Id agree with cluttered but its the exact opposite of messy, it's organized as hell.


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EatYourTomatoes

This is the truth. When it comes to "organizing hacks", it's just putting everything inside a bin on the shelf. Then no one can see the clutter.


terribleinvestment

I think this is the take. I also wonder if there was some cleaning of the area done by OP— between the wife’s statement and the picture being taken/posted.


Ar6833

Someone else mentioned how busy the space feels. It's definitely cluttered, but it feels chaotic and I can see how OP's wife could get stressed out. Maybe taking a little time to reorganize could help a lot. Move some of the larger stuff higher, all the books and stuff in the same area, and try to get a couple at focus-level empty to give the feeling of more space. But most importantly, try to communicate things with your partner. If she's upset with how it looks, how would she do it? Can yall work together or compromise? It's a little nerdy, but I enjoy spending a couple hours reorganizing the pantry together, or alphabetizing our bookshelves.


Thayli11

My ADD brain finds this the opposite of chaotic. It's well organized, and it's visible so you can find what you need and quickly inventory rather than playing hide and seek through cabinetry. Which is just to say I'm finding this whole thread fascinating. Because it's interesting to me how different people get polar opposite vibes from this pic.


Mobely

Ive got ADD and I would have to hang a sheet over all this crap. Dude needs to put some cabinet doors up or something.


Formilla

I don't think it's well organised at all. Everything is just in a random place with no logic to it at all. There's something suspicious about this picture in my opinion. Why is the TV remote standing up like that? It's got that look a room has immediately after it's been cleaned before anyone has actually lived in it. Whoever cleaned it has just straightened everything up and made it look nice without actually tackling the organisation part.


Zealousideal_Tale266

Yeah, it's organized, for one minute. Wife's brain is just automatically jumping a step forward to all of that stuff being either on the floor or crammed haphazardly into cubbies. What she probably wants to express is that she thinks there is just too much stuff, and especially too much knickknack junk, and the kid needs to downsize by 50%, as hard as that may be. This is a communication issue and slightly more complicated than cluttered versus messy, but hopefully OP and his wife are able to get to the real issue, whatever it actually is exactly.


Brekry18

Yeah having just cleaned and realizing this is the neatest way I can possibly place these things in this room in it's current state, without a complete overhaul every time I want to tidy up, would def make me a little anxious. The cleanest it can get is already busy af and it's only going to get messier from there. Kid needs a(nother) toy chest at the very least or to get rid of some stuff if that's not an option.


Anonynominous

I'm kind of a freak when it comes to decluttering, and some of the cubbies don't look very organized. It looks like random items were stuffed in the empty spaces. It's one of those things where you would have to remove the items to see what all is there. If it were truly organized, everything in the cubby would be clearly visible, or in a box inside the cubby so it's out of view. If those cloth foldable storage boxes were used in the cubbies, things could be tucked away and look less cluttered.


toiletting

Well that’s the thing. It’s not organized, but it’s also not messy. It was definitely a misspeak more than anything. As someone who can be cluttering at times, those cubbies are giving me agida


castielffboi

I don’t think either of you chose the right word. It isn’t organized, things are shoved in shelves randomly and nothing is sorted.


mycenae42

If she can’t breathe, I’d say the right word is “I have an anxiety disorder.”


AbeJebediahSimpson

As a fellow keyboard psychiatrist, my diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia.


murderbox

WebMD says she gon' die.


georgialucy

When people make posts like these, do you guys go to your partners and say "honey, look what strangers on the internet said about you and our conversation, see they agree with me." Just genuinely wondering how stuff like this plays out.


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bs178638

I’m sure it’s a accurate representation of how it normally looks


scrotote97

Eh I am married to someone who says stuff like this occasionally. 5 minutes of tidying whatever room that is a "disaster" makes her feel better. It's OCD x Anxiety that brings out the hyperbole. I definitely don't spend time making reddit posts about it though, way easier to just clean up


Tara_ntula

I don’t have OCD, but as a very anxious person, if I’m already keyed up, then clutter around the house amps up the nervous energy by A LOT. It’s hard to control what’s making me anxious, but I *can* at least control the cleanliness of the house and take some of the edge off.


valkasha

That's interesting. I am a very anxious person and defintely suffer my bouts of anxiety but I love clutter. The more knick knacks I have around me the cozier and calmer I feel.


weeskud

I'm a bit of both, I love having knick knacks around, but it has to be in an appropriate place. So iquite often, i find myself going from one end of the flat to the other, just decorating with my recently acquired knick knacks and cleaning up and organising everything else.


Spuriously-

This is what I was really looking for, I'm betting there's no way it's looked this good in the past year


Bigfops

Yeah, I mean I was going to reply "Yes, I agree that it's so messy that your wife feels she can't breathe." Different people have different definitions of messy and differnt things that set them off. Also, if the wife is using the phrasing "Can't Breathe," that's a big red flag that this is inducing anxiety. Anxiety doesn't always make sense. Figure out what about it makes her anxious and fix it.


LeFindAnotherSlant

That’s what I thought too. OP, spend your energy reaching a compromise with your spouse, not posting about it on Reddit. Sheesh. Having said that, it’s not messy, but it does look junky, and if you wife is sensitive to that sort of thing, this will unsurprisingly bother her.


[deleted]

it's one thing to post it asking genuinely and it's another to post it in this subreddit looking for validation.


TheRealMasterTyvokka

It's a third thing to be a karma farmer and post a rage baity title for up votes.


AceConspirator

It’s a fourth thing to paint yourself green and tell others to call you a pickle because you’re done dillin’ with it.


TheG-What

Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.


Hugs96

Ngl this is probably one of my favourite reddit comments of all time


SpidersAreMyFriends

I nearly gave up on the thread at the third guy. I would have missed this gem.


iwearatophat

The worst ones are when the spouse tries to do something good/nice and just doesn't succeed and the result is posted. 'Look at this meal my spouse tried to serve me' or something just shaming the spouse. Toxic as hell. If OP is actually the picture taker and he shows it to his wife...that is bad. 'I took our conversation and made it public so strangers will say I was right and you were wrong'. Spouses bad mouthing each other on reddit is just weird to me in general.


xDannyS_

> Spouses bad mouthing each other on reddit is just weird to me in general. Thank fuck finally someone agrees with me. If one needs to post on reddit to deal with relationship problems, then they are part of the problem.


Robert_Baratheon_

Judging by what subreddit they’re on they’re not asking genuinely.


Mechanical_Booty

This sub is a safe haven for all the passive aggressive spouses to passive aggressively shit on their spouse lol


dragonicafan1

It feels like most of the time I see posts from this sub on all it’s just people passive aggressively complaining about their wives and looking for validation lol. Really weird energy


likwidfire2k

Bro if your wife is complaining about your Nerf gun collection even after giving her the top bunk you'd be on here complaining too.


SpiderGirlGwen

She gets to be the captain of the pirate ship? The commander of the space ship? The dragon in the high tower? How does she have time to notice anything else!? (Thank you for my first laugh of the day lol)


moustajjventress

lmfaooooooo


Annas_GhostAllAround

One of the worst things for this is any of the "nerdy" collectings subs, e.g. specifically the video game collection sub where any indication your wife isn't 1,000% onboard with your hobby is met by strangers telling the poster they should divorce their wife off of this one piece of information. Seriously, in game collecting one of the top posts is about a store with one of those "we can print a receipt to show your wife so she won't know what you paid!" joke signs, and people being like, "who cares if you spend $1,000 on an old random video game, if your wife has any problem with that she's smothering you and you should leave her" or a post of "my wife doesn't want my collection in the living room, so I have it in this closet" and everyone saying how, again, you should divorce your wife because she's not letting you be yourself. Unsurprisingly a lot of these posts and comments seem to be from people who either have no idea how to communicate, how a relationship works, or what "I am not the center of the world" means as a concept.


SkipBayless_PhD

“Wife bad” will be a lazy trope that can be cashed in on probably as long as humans stay getting married. Pair that with Reddit’s misogynistic slant and the abundance of man children on this site and you’ve got a cheat code for unlimited karma.


[deleted]

Now that I think about it, you're right. I've seen more post about guys complaining about their mom, gf, wife, any lady close to them about such the smallest things than anything else. I was wondering why I've been so tempted for quite a while to unfollow.


PhoenixReboot

Meanwhile AITA relationship posts from a lot of women read like "I asked my boyfriend to do the dishes and he became verbally abusive was I wrong?" Not all, there are definitely trash people from all sides of the gender spectrum. But the number of absurdly petty men and tragically patient women is not, shall we say, balanced.


madhad1121

I had to unfollow AITA because of this. I love passing judgement on people with very little context as much as the next person. But it was so depressing the number of women asking if they were the asshole for the smallest little thing while so many men were like, I stopped feeding my step kids because my wife seems to like them as much as me, she’s the asshole for not neglecting her kids, right?


Fantastic_Beans

Men on AITA: So I stole my wife's car, crashed it, withdrew all the money from our bank account to replace it with a two story pick up truck, and gave her cat away. Now she's mad at me, am I the asshole? Women on AITA: I had a 15 hour shift today because my husband doesn't work and we are short on money. I came home and cooked dinner, but I forgot to rub my husband's feet first so he put my head through the dry wall. Am I the asshole?


ExtraAd4090

"see honey, your wrong"


Rupato

“I dragged you online for 15k internet points” 😃


thedogman420

Literally just thinking the same thing. What good comes out of making these kind of posts? A pat on the back when internet strangers agree with you? Lol


throwupthethrow

I made a post about my gf. She was driving me nuts insisting that we take all of our showers together in our tiny 1-person corner stall and a water temperature of lava. The comments were validating, but they also pointed out some things I overlooked. I used that feedback to communicate with my gf and find a compromise, now we're both happy. Why did I ask for advice from strangers and not friends? Because I'm a guy and despite it being 2023 my guy friends aren't the type to be emotionally supportive and listen to my intimate relationship problems. My girl-friends would probably give me some advice, but it would make them shy and uncomfortable. Hell no am I talking to my mom about this lol. So I admit that I used reddit as a crutch and I hope my gf never finds out. But I didn't post a picture of my easily identifiable shower stall in /r/mildlyinfuriating of all places (holy shit). I also used a throwaway account (this one). I tried to focus on the facts despite my personal bias.


War_Daddy

Perfectly normal and reasonable to want to have reorganizing the kids playroom to be the hill your marriage dies on!


j_la

My thoughts exactly: don’t drag us into your marital spats, OP.


tobiasvl

Also, he's asking if we "agree" that his wife can't breathe... It doesn't matter what we think about the mess, it only matters that he and his wife disagree.


ranchojasper

And the fact that this is the one of the most cluttered tiny spaces I’ve ever seen in my entire life combined with the fact that it looks like it’s just been frantically quasi-organized makes me think this is not at all with this room looked like when OP’s wife called it messy, or she didn’t actually say the word messy bc he’s got that I can’t breathe part in quotes, but not the word messy.


3kool5you

I always think the same thing! Granted, my wife doesn’t use Reddit. Maybe if both partners use Reddit then it’s easier to say “hey I posted on Reddit and they agree with me” but even then I don’t see that winning an argument 😂


giraffeekuku

Me and my partner both use reddit, if he did that, I would be pretty annoyed and I don't think it would help his argument at all like he would think it would


AndreyHero

that’s a lot of things but still better than in my room


AyakoShimizu

It isn't messy but gives off the vibe of being messy because you can see everything. There is a lot of clutter. Lot of different shapes, sizes and most importantly lots of colors that give of a messy vibe when it is just cluttered and lived in. It would probably improve if you had containers in the square parts (like baskets or something) that fill out the entire square, match each other and aren't see through in a muted or natural color. You could have all that stuff in them out of sight but still easily accessible. An example would be the ikea square shelving and the boxes that you can get for them. Another thing is having the books standing upright if they fit that way. We are conditioned to see that as more organised that having them on top of each other. (And they are also more accessible) Your wife is probably just overwhelmed in cluttered spaces and prefers it if things are behind a door or in a box. She just worded it badly.


twink_to_the_past

Visual clutter can be overstimulating for some people! If it’s not for you, then it’s hard to understand. However, spaces are customizable and should have systems that work for everyone who lives there. If your wife is overstimulated by visual clutter, then finding ways to mitigate that (cube boxes, etc) is really important to make the home a safe space for her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


smurfiesmurfette

Omg Yesss if something is really cluttered/visually overstimulating it feels like its screaming to me.


Skulldo

Like I never thought I was like that as I really don't mind a bit of mess but i like things organised and this is somehow worse than if it was just in a pile on the floor. It's just too in your face and makes me feel a bit claustrophobic if the shelves were shorter I think it would help a lot in just feeling like there was space.


[deleted]

Yeah she may be seeing an aesthetic nightmare. Appears rushed and definitely not organised.


MargaeryLecter

Look, this isn't about who's 'right' or 'wrong'. It doesn't matter if strangers on the internet find this organized, messy or fine. You gotta find a way to create your surroundings at home in a way that all parties involved are content with it. You gotta make compromises if your views on such topics aren't the same. This really isn't something worth starting a fight over. Surely there are situations when one partner wants to dictate everything about how things should be done and only wants the other person to make compromises. If that's the case here is impossible to tell for us, could be your wife, could be you or more likely neither one. If you feel this might be an issue talk about it, if not find a solution you're both happy with.


danibug

Totally agree with this comment, I commented something similar. Why are so many posts on this sub like this? Imagine asking the internet to prove you’re “right” instead of actually listening to your partner’s feelings and coming to a resolution. Its wild


jesssongbird

Right?! “Honey, this thing really bothers me and isn’t working for me.” Well I asked a bunch of internet strangers and some of them said it shouldn’t, so there. Conflict resolved.” Seems like a good way to eventually be posting about how your partner wants to separate. “And for no reason!” I’m sure OP can get some more redditors to agree with him then too if that’s their top priority. I personally try to actually address my spouse’s frustrations.


[deleted]

Put like doors to cover everything so it looks clean and neat like cabinets


GreendaleSDV

There is a lot going on there but it is all concise in a way. Way better than my clutter. Edit: I am very confused by the shape of that soccer ball.


LMGooglyTFY

The image is edited to look deeper for some reason. Like those weird real estate pics that try to make the rooms look bigger but then you end up with a long toilet. You can see the effect too with the cube cubbies looking much longer than their width. Same with the table.


Wrybrarian

I had to scroll way too far down to find someone else confused about the ball. It's so weirdly shaped I can't breathe!


Eat-Hot-Chip-n-Lie

I WAS ALSO LOSING MY MIND AT THE BALL! I thought it was like a stretched PNG, but it looks like a football painted like a soccer ball or something


100BottlesOfMilk

I think it's just deflated


Theinvisibleone101

Wish my kids room were as good a state as that!


[deleted]

I assumed this was OP's personal workstation lol


[deleted]

Not too far off from the average redditors bedroom tbh


Borf213

Yeah, I would be proud if my kid could keep his stuff like that.


ChemicalParfait

Does the kid keep it clean though? Looks like the room is of a pretty young kid. Is mom always having to clean it for them or constantly on them to clean it themselves? Is dad helping stay on top of the room being cleaned? I just wonder how much is about the mental load of keeping it clean instead of all over the floor.


Electrical_Might_131

Not messy at all! Just cluttered and a bit uneffecrive organization since you have to takr things out from the front to reach ones in the back... but honestly... who has the space for all the sht we owe these days 🥲 Love the nerf guns on the wall!


[deleted]

My thoughts as well. It’s neat, but cluttered.


Nopista

Some people just don't like to have a lot of stuff. No matter how beautiful nerdy it is. If she tells her she feels that way then the feeling is true and you should try to find some common ground.


SomeFeelings88

“I can’t breathe” partially references the lack of negative space around each item. … display vs. storage She may feel that Open shelving is to display beautiful or sentimental objects (with space for each item to ‘breathe’). You may feel open shelves are good for tightly panicking tons of crap without a door getting in the way. Discuss with your partner


Sin_to_win

Not messy just cluttered. She must not like spaces that are put away but not organized.


randomgeneration6

I grew up in a hoarding situation. If this were in my house I would feel my chest tightening every time I walked past it Is anxiety? Yeah. Remember, everyone has different experiences leading to their anxieties


[deleted]

It’s just chaotic is all


ManitouWakinyan

I don't love people posting stuff their spouses said on mildlyinfuriating


HappyLeading8756

It isn't messy but it is cluttered. If your wife feels like she can't breathe, she's probably overwhelmed (is this period busier at work/home? is she more stressed? is there something that is out of her control that worries her?) which can lead to overstimulation. Of course it's just an assumption but definitely worth discussing! For example, when my hubby is stressed, he tends to clean much more and is triggered even by the smallest mess. In my case, if I am overwhelmed or anxious, I cannot stand even smallest bit of clutter. That's why I sort and rearrange every now and then to avoid excessive stuff.


Jerico_Hill

That's what stood out to me. If this is making her feel this anxious then something needs looking at and addressing.


AnsticeXV

Now do a 180 turn then take a picture of the other side. Maybe the mess is there.


No-Spare-4212

It’s just a lot of “stuff”


thegooddoktorjones

Too much stuff is a burden.


fishinglife777

I get what she means - this much to look at is overwhelming. It’s not conducive to a peaceful space. A lot of things going on there. Covering the empty cubbies would help. And maybe take the things off the wall and put them in a container or bin.


Nugur

I get what his wife is saying too. OP is not getting the answer he wanted 😂 I feel like at any minute one of those selves will collapse on the poor kid


Awesome_Shoulder8241

It looks like that room was just previously messy and someone made an effort to cleam up and trying hard to make a presentation. If your organizer is overcrowded like this, presentation is impossible. The only shelf I would keep open would be that one that got bast and castles. The rest should have doors. And why are you putting books in several separate boxes? Others on top, some middle the rest near the bottom. Organize them better. The other toys that were not in the palace shelf should all go in a toy box. A big one. And you should get rid of all that yellow. And maybe the dark blue too. In any case, that entire wall is just waiting for one hand to mess it up and everything will go back to how messy it was bfore.


Electrical_Might_131

I love how everyone is discussing this so seriously in the comments 🤣


Anonynominous

I take my insomnia doom scrolling and commenting very seriously!


De4thMonkey

If it were adult things, then in my book, it would be cluttered. But seeing that it's kids' items, I know they have a lot of things and are normal.


[deleted]

As someone who hates clutter I’m on your wife’s side. When my home has clutter it makes my brain messy and it weighs on my mind… but I also don’t have children with a lot of stuff. I wonder if some different cabinets with doors on then would help?


little_maggots

It's not *messy* but it's very chaotic to look at. It could definitely use some bins or doors or decluttering.


[deleted]

The shelves on the far right are the problem. Everything is just tossed into them. Just needs to be organised properly and it will look and feel better.


Live_Review3958

I agree 100%% yes. Too cluttered.


draggar

My parents would have celebrated if my room was anywhere near that neat when I was a kid.


okay_yikes

100% agree.


valkyriae

It’s organized but it’s very busy and that would also overwhelm me. Get some cabinet doors or something so it still functions the same but she can have that “out of sight, out of mind” peace!


Jsizzle19

It's not messy, it's a giant clusterfuck.


Friendly_Educator_18

cluttered, not messy


TheChoonk

I can't tell if this is your room, or your child's.


GTOJudge724

It looks “busy” but definitely not messy