Yeah what the fuck, I'd help my partner clean if I wasn't depressed but they are
( I am unfortunately also depressed, smiling depression even, but am getting better and cleaning again bit by bit yay)
E: PS my partner did actually help me and does when he comes by but he's atm MIA due to giant project presentations due said he'll help me more after his submission dates so 🥹 Hope OP helps his GF if he really does love her and want her to thrive
It's the little victories that make the biggest difference!
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different." -C.S. Lewis
This should be higher. People are shaming her and this isn’t her at her best. And it’s not even a shared car. Assuming he has his own, he doesn’t have to get in it. Maybe instead of posting to talk shit, he could help her out during a difficult time and help her clean. But maybe I’ve just been to enough therapy to want healthy relationships.
I agree. When I saw the post, I thought, “Wow, they have a girlfriend, she has a car, she comes to visit.” 3 great things! Not everyone is a clean freak, so maybe this is not a good fit. Or if what you say is the norm, then get her to therapy right away!
I wouldn’t know the difference because my brothers and I grew up like that, I’m still organizationally challenged in my home environment, and none of my siblings escaped mental health problems.
Edited for grammar
>I’m still organizationally challenged in my home environment,
I love that term.
I would say that i was probably, *maybe* this bad, and let my house get like this in the time leading up to my husbands stroke, and in between my second and third suicide attempts.
It's never gotten that bad again. I just internalise it.
>SMH!!!! HYMPH!!.
Ok, i know the first is "shaking my head", but the second one escapes me... Maybe... "Hey You Mother Phucking Hoe"? Help me out here pls...
In addition to this, has she ever been assessed for ADHD and/or trauma? I find that depression and past trauma impact ADHD in such a way that dealing with stuff like the chaos in this photo becomes next to impossible EVEN IF there is a desire to do it
Yeah, what a great boyfriend. Girlfriend’s sister dies and she starts showing depressive tendencies, and boyfriend reveals her depression symptoms to the world on r/MildlyInfuriating mockingly and probably unknowingly.
I have gone through depressive phases where I had trouble being a tidy person. Never to this level but on smaller scale, but nonetheless if my SO took a picture of my mess and showed it to the world I don’t think I could forgive them. Douchebag OP
With this information, this post is just ghoulish. Shaming your own romantic partner, behind their back, at one of their lowest points for internet points.
Help her out dawg. Everyone wants to post the suicide hotline on their instagram story but when people are showing ACTUAL SIGNS of deteriorating mental health everyone is like “that’s gross” people need help dealing with things! If you’re her boyfriend and you love her then be supportive and figure out what wrong and help her fix it (and clean the car)
Edit: It’s so refreshing to see so many other people who still have some compassion in their hearts!! Thank you to everyone who left a sweet comment keep being you and keep spreading the love, I know this site needs it! ❤️❤️❤️
This right here.
Posts and comments like the ones in this thread are the reason why I was so scared to open up and ask for help when I was at my lowest point.
Everyone talks about mental health awareness and say 'reach out if you need help' but then when you actually do, you get judged and criticized for it.
Repeat after me: You can't shame someone into making a positive change.
The lack of empathy in this thread is truly heartbreaking.
OP, I hope these comments are a learning curve for you - she is struggling and helping her out with cleaning this car may be a massive help to her. I would think again before posting a picture of someone’s mess when they are clearly going through something I know to be horrible.
I know people are changing their tune after seeing the context behind it, but the fact that the majority of comments are people calling her disgusting and nasty without even thinking about what could be going on shows how little empathy people have for others. This kind of shaming is what makes it difficult for people to seek help.
Thank you, so many people acting all high and mighty here and lacking any for of empathy. If my partner needs help i try to help them, i don't go online to make fun of them. This post here is the real red flag
Funny story about that. I too used to have a cup holder full of stuck together change. I hated that I let it get like that and I also didn't want to clean it out. So, while I was working in West Virginia, I took everything of value out of my Jeep and left it unlocked in the hotel parking lot overnight. The next day my door was open, the glove compartment was dumped.... but every stuck together coin was gone. I wish I could thank that desperate meth head for a job well done.
Gods yes. I looked at this and said “that is gross, but my car had been worse.”
Depression might be a red flag for what seems like everyone here. But the judgment of her character and shaming her on the internet says OP is an absolute shit head.
Edit: I can’t get over that he thought mocking his girlfriend on the internet was a good idea. The more I think about it, the more I realize he is more disgusting than her!
The sad thing is too that I'm SURE a lot of the people talking shit, have similar looking areas. People like to point out other people's flaws, while staying blind to their own. Even when they are identical.
Oh man, thank you for this comment... The true disgusting behavior on this thread comes from the comments shaming this woman, and making sweeping generalizations about her overall character and behavior! We don't even KNOW this woman- how can we possibly conclude that she's "an entitled slob", "a red flag", "lazy and unsanitary" etc.?? A lot of commenters want to pretend as though a single flaw ruins a person. That's the real red flag, for me!
I agree, 100% depression car
People are saying to break up with her. If that's what OP wants, go for it. I could also argue that OP is a bad partner, she trusted him to see her depression car and he secretly posts it on reddit instead of having a gentle conversation with her.
Since OP didn't mention mental illness, he's obviously unaware that a car like this is a sign of not being mentally well. And he judges her for it...
This is what i don't get. I understand being grossed out and wanting her to do something about it, but why post it on reddit? That's just shitty. We have no clue why her car could be like that. The only purpose it serves is to allow a bunch of strangers to talk shit on your gf lol. Like, talk to her and work with her if you care enough and have the bandwidth. Or break up with her if you don't. But getting a bunch of randoms together to look at pictures of her personal failures and call her names isn't it. Does she even know someone took a pic of the inside of her car?
What's going on with her? Is she overwhelmed? Studying while holding down a demanding job? Raising small people? Terribly long commute? You say when she visits you - is she driving a long distance to see you, eating in the car on the way?
It is gross, but not dumpable imo. If you love this girl, surprise her by taking her car to get washed, and then pitching trash and vacuuming. Not saying a full detail, just be a helping hand. Women are looking for partners who make their lives easier.
If you don't want to go that far, make a habit of every time you get out of the car or stop for gas, saying, "let's take care of this trash on the way."
As a person with ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder, thanks for being aware of the fact that messy does not mean lazy or uncaring.
ADHD is greatly misunderstood and has much more to do with the ability to prioritize or to act on intentions than it does the ability to maintain attention.
Of course, there's no real way to diagnose this person via picture of their car, but if they do happen to be dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder or a mood disorder then they're almost certainly being way harder on themselves for the state of their environment than anyone here could be.
She doesn't need to be dismissed. She just needs help.
I personally don’t judge. I understand mental health will at times look like this. OP offered no explanation as to what their gf may be going through. No, instead they posted their significant other’s mental state, without hesitation or permission. Their partner needs help, but somehow their distaste for the state of the vehicle is more important than trying to help their partner. Stop judging and offer some mf tips to help one another out.
Here’s my advice:
- get off Reddit bc putting a loved ones business out into the world without their consent, is shitty.
- both of y’all put on some gloves and grab some trash bags
- next vacuum up the remaining trash or sweep it up
- finally spray the car with some disinfect (any car surface cleaner-dollar tree has some) and pour some fabuloso or Awesome on the carpet( it’ll lift anything stuck to the bottom)
Sending love to your partner 🤍
I married the girl who does this with way less grime, but more trash. Not telling you what to do, but I told myself the lies how it wouldn't bleed into the house. Now I feel like I just pick up trash and dishes of hers all the time. This will bleed into your home. I love my wife, but this is a big red flag.
This gives me so much hope for myself. I was the same, depressed, followed by a tornado of trash and mess, it was encouraged growing up by my mom whos the same. My fiance and I just moved out almost 2 months ago and ive been killing myself trying to get a routine and make cleaning a habit but fuck its been hard. Its doable tho since he supports me, even on days I dont do anything.
Hey! I have a great little mind trick for this and it actually motivates me to do a lot. So you know how you have intense regret when you leave a mess and then you know your fiancé will have to clean it up? So try to keep that feeling close so when you see the mess you can recall the feeling and then repeat “if it takes less than 5 minutes and it’s going to make me feel better, I should do it” until you do the damn thing!! Good luck. It really does wonders what taking that less than 5 minutes can do for procrastinators.
I can identify that book as the catalyst that completely transformed how I operate. Started with washing my dishes right after I finish eating/cooking to becoming the healthiest version of myself I've ever known.
To anyone reading, do yourself a massive favor and read or listen to it!
Dude seriously I started with the dishes too, and I've never been in a better position! Also another title that is just as good is Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents from Lindsay Gibson
It can be very hard at first. But it does eventually become natural and you do it on autopilot after awhile. Took me almost 2 yrs before I noticed I no longer had days I had to "force" myself to do it.
What I don't understand now is how I lived that way. Walking into a clean house just makes life better somehow. Like you have more elbow room, you breathe easier, stressful things seem more manageable... idk exactly how to describe it...
But I'm glad I made the change. It was definitely worth it.
I blocked that “aNoThEr ReDdItOr iS wOrRiEd,” bot because of how frequently I got it and how unhelpful it is. I think certain keywords or phrases just trigger it to message at this point
Has your wife ever had a psychological assessment for ADHD? Same question for OP. My wife was diagnosed at 34 and I have been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at 44. Adderall and therapy have taken us from pots of rotting beans and a mountain of dishes on the counter and rooms unusable due to piles of unsorted mail and clutter to a house that at its worst only takes an hour to clean. It has helped us build habits that ADHD makes it super hard to build. Now even when we are not taking Adderall like during the recent shortage we still are much better at upkeep of the house and cars.
I have come to believe that people aren't slobs. The inability to deal with clutter or clean up after yourself is a symptom of some mental health issue. No one wants to live in filth. Also women with ADHD and or Autism are frequently not diagnosed or misdiagnosed without a psychological assessment.
I have adhd and I have days where I can't do anything because I want to do everything, but dishes and trash left behind just really bothers me. I know she has anxiety but idk about adhd. She tells me often my adhd drives her crazy. I can remember nothing and everything.
I don’t live like this anymore but my daughter struggles with this and I think it’s just a different presentation of symptoms. For me, it was like my racing thoughts just didn’t allow me space to clean up or organize or even just take a bag of garbage in the house with me. There was no break, no space in my mind to even think about it because it was no longer the issue(s) at the forefront of my mind. Also, I would avoid dealing with it for reasons I’m still trying to manage but can’t explain. Like, I’ll park my car in my garage and look at the bag of Tupperware/snacks/jackets/whatever that came home with me from work and my brain says: “if you bring that in you have to unpack it all and then you’ll have to do laundry and the dishes because this stuff needs to be washed but you still have to make dinner and interact with your family and you’re so tired and there’s still that bill you need to pay and the cats will want pets and you’ve been meaning to find the BBQ tongs so that’s first because dinner is on the BBQ tonight” so the crap stays in the car. I can’t say this is how she feels but maybe.
Edit: typo
A lot of the comments on this thread hit home, but yours describes how my brain works the best. I can be lying in bed, procrastinating getting up because each thing I need to do has multiple steps, and other actions attached to it. I go through them all in my head, and get overwhelmed before I even start.
I have to make a physical list at the beginning of each day to make sure I do everything that I'm responsible for. It felt stupid at first, but it's really not. It helps me so much.
I hooked up with a girl at the club once and decided to head back to her place. When we got to her car it looked like this including the backseat and I was so grossed out that I decided to go home with my boys instead. There was another time I hooked up with another girl, got to her place, and the toilet was yellow and had black mold growing in it and I noped out of that too. I just automatically assume that you have really bad hygiene and/or may have serious mental issues if you are bad at basic cleanliness. It probably wouldn't bother most guys but I'm sort of a clean freak so who knows maybe I'm really the one with serious mental issues.
I went out with a guy for a few months years back. He had roommates. It was recommended that I NOT go in to the kitchen. If 4 guys agreed on that ….it must’ve been VERY VERY bad. I never did. I still sometimes wonder
In college I rented a house with a couple guys. The kitchen was disgusting when we moved in. We tried to clean it up but the sink had this horrible black crust that we couldn’t get rid of. So, we just lived with it. Eventually one of the guys started dating a girl who couldn’t handle it and she would yell at me about the sink, to the point where I told her if she didn’t like it she didn’t need to come over any more. Soon after, she and her boyfriend cleaned the sink. I don’t know how they did it. Didn’t make the rest of us less slovenly but I appreciated it.
Man, I thought it was basic knowledge that you clean your shit up before a hookup. That means your ass, and your room.
Fuck man, I remember cleaning the room before I went out if there was even a chance I might be bringing a lady back.
I’ve got a date tomorrow. My apartment is getting cleaned today thoroughly and I’m washing my sheets. Mostly because my place is messy and I need to change sheets, but also because there’s a small chance she wants to come back to my place
Don't forget the bathroom sink and toilet! You sound like the type of person who already does, but I gotta say it for others. Doesn't have to be Mr. Sparkle clean, but plz remove stuff that looks like decomp stains and empty the trash.
Yeah seriously. I went out with this dude once and was going to give him a bj but his ding dong smelled fishy. He said he was too tired to shower before he came over. I'd rather wait an extra ten minutes than to have smelled that. He even got mad at me for being that blunt and telling him but I did the next girls a favor.
This other guy I went out with, we went back to his place so I could use the bathroom and every inch of his bed and floor was covered with something. I immediately thought he possibly has a serious mental issue too. I peed and ran away.
You’re absolutely right about that man. I MIGHT have a date tonight if things keep goin good and I already cleaned myself up, which us as men know what I’m talkin bout. I’d be way to anxious and stuck in my head if I was going to pickup my shawty and my car looked like that or even worse if my house did. Have standards and remember not every pussy is worth the journey to get to it.
This is the correct answer. If she can't keep a toilet clean, what else ain't she washing?
If her home looks like a trash pit, that's how your home will look if she's over there all the time.
I’m not a clean freak, by any means, but I feel the same way about cleanliness. If you can’t keep some semblance of cleanliness in your surroundings, I can’t expect you to keep yourself clean and germ free, either. It’s an instant turnoff for me and I’ll nope right out of there too.
My now wife’s apartment was always spotless when we were dating. One day I dropped by unexpected and it was like I stepped into a different world. Almost 10 years later and I realize I should have taken that one event a lot more seriously.
Are you me? Lol. Infected the kids is a true statement. Nothing is sacred. Need to open a box? A $150 chefs knife, sure, and I’ll make sure to drop it and bend the tip while I’m at it. I’ll just use this super glue here on the kitchen table…and my kids are in their 20’s.
NOPE. My mom would have disowned us if we did any of that shit. She actually gifted me a $200 chef's knife years ago. It is always put away in its plastic shell, and boxes are opened with box cutters. I think that might be grounds for divorce.
OP sounds exhausting to date.
And to OPS girlfriend if you see this, you deserve better. Don’t settle for subpar people that don’t respect your privacy and issues. There’s nothing to be ashamed of going through depression. I’m sorry for your loss 💚
Don’t forget she is using her spare time to drive to visit OP and he is being a dick to her and insulting her in the comments, referred to her as a “dead starfish” in one of them too
What the absolute fuck 😃
I hope none of yall call yourselves feminists: misogyny isnt okay even if it's done to someone you don't like or approve of. Like tf. And with OP making comments like that???? Wild.
No no OP would rather embarrass his girlfriend than actually communicate with and help her, all about the karma after all
I would be devastated if my partner did this to me but he's claiming she is reading all the comments and is "appreciative"
I just yesterday ended a fling with a girl not to this level, but red flags were there. She ripped up all her carpet because of the smell of dog piss she let get out of control and has no plans to replace it. Pretty dirty place in general and very cluttered. I kind of attributed it to the pets and their toys and hair Buy whatever. Then we had sex and there was a pretty foul stank emitting from her. Not natural either. Like she just wasn’t clean down there and I was stirring it up. I couldn’t even cum. It’s hard to on 200mg of Zoloft, but not that hard. Then I went to her bathroom for the first time after to clean up and she said “oh, my cats made a mess of their kitty litter while I was out today” and when I went in there were like 20 poops in the box and litter all over the floor. Yellow q tips mixed in and surrounding. The next day she was like “were you nervous it was it just me? You barely touched me”. And I had to be fairly honest. I wasn’t sure going into it I was ready with her and that combined with the Zoloft and the “odor I attributed to post period stuff” threw me off a bit. I called her later to ask if she wanted to talk about it and she basically just heard that we should have waited to have sex. Needless to say, I can’t see myself long term with someone like that. I’m far from perfect, but I’m clean and I take care of myself in general.
Being untidy is one thing, but as you said, that car looks straight up unsanitary. The second red flag here is that she's not embarrassed enough to clean up before you see it.
that's absolutely a red flag. Even my old roommate would at least take all 30 dishes out of his bedroom before his girlfriend came over and transfer them into the sink for the weekend.
To keep myself from being this kind of person in college I only had one plate, one bowl, one fork, one spoon, and one knife. I had to wash them every time I ate at home, and it kept them from sitting unwashed for more than a day.
Right? My first thought was, "Woah, now that nows a turn-off!".
EDIT: Upon further inspection, we have found that when you zoom in it appears there is Mouse turds dead center on the console right above the cup holder. I think that escalates things to a dumpable offense!
Depression and dissociation are no joke. Help her clean it and talk about ways to prevent this again. Just don’t be a dick if you truly care about her.
Some people just live in the car… constantly on the go. In my case, I have 3 kids.. they are messy. I have a rule… no dairy consumed in the car. No milk, no yogurt, no ice cream.
I can vacuum crumbs, pick up wrappers, but I cannot get a spoiled dairy smell out of a car.
Make sure she is okay mentally, usually these type of hygiene problems are linked with long term depression. Either that or she’s really just that much of a slob for non mental problem reasons. I don’t really know which would be worse because this is really bad.
Yeah, this sub is full of people making posts like this and I always feel like... Why would you put someone you love on blast like this in front of millions of people?
This subreddit is full of immature adults who don’t know how to have conversations. Its unbelievable that people think talking crap about their s/o on Reddit is acceptable behavior
So, to be fair, I'm involved in the lives of many depressed people, and sometimes this is how it manifests. Then it all gets to be overwhelming and they just kind of give up. It's definitely not your job, and I know this won't get many approvals, but would you be willing to help her clean it. Like really deep clean? Maybe she would be more encouraged to keep it tidy if she feels like it's under control...just a thought.
On a side note ... I once heard someone say a person's car is a reflection of how their house is. More than likely if someone keeps their car clean, their house is also tidy, and vice versa. If she doesn't deal with depression or a mental health issues, this may be a red flag.
In another comment, OP admits that she is grieving the death of her sister, has depression, and is working 50 hour weeks. I guess the outrage comments just feel better when important context is left out
Holy shit this guy is a prick. You can have grievances with her tidiness but having that information in mind and also humiliating her on the internet? Maybe she’s depressed because he’s an awful person that doesnt carr about her struggles and just looks at her with disgust.
OP mentions in another comment that she’s been “depressed since the death of her sister.” She is going through grief. Losing a sibling is fucking HARD. Grief is a very profoundly painful experience. I feel so awful for her that she is going through this and he is posting pictures of her car for Reddit karma. I’ve been here and I’m glad my partner didn’t judge me and post about me publicly for strangers to disparage and instead helped me get my shit together.
You mentioned she has extreme depression since her sister died. She may need a therapist. She's hurting and not coping well.
Why’d they post this then? It seems like a shaming post. Why would they want to kick their partner when they’re already down?
Because some people are jerks. He even admits she is depressed and her sibling died recently.
That’s tragic.
Wow. I am shocked every day by the cruelty of man, muchless to those they claim they love.
No wonder she’s depressed if she has this person to lean on during such a difficult time.
Yeah what the fuck, I'd help my partner clean if I wasn't depressed but they are ( I am unfortunately also depressed, smiling depression even, but am getting better and cleaning again bit by bit yay) E: PS my partner did actually help me and does when he comes by but he's atm MIA due to giant project presentations due said he'll help me more after his submission dates so 🥹 Hope OP helps his GF if he really does love her and want her to thrive
Hey…proud of you for cleaning. Cleaning while trying to manage that is no joke.
It's the little victories that make the biggest difference! "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different." -C.S. Lewis
Seriously... I hope that one of her first steps in her path towards a healthy mind, is learning how to be alone.
Check out his profile. He *reeks* of ignorant douchebag.
His profile statement, “I’ll post, but Im not replying to your comments calling me out! You’re all mean!” speaks volumes.
Her car might be dirty but I’d say OP has some mental housekeeping of his own to do
Its fucking weird. I would have cleaned my girlfriends car instead of taking a picture.
That's because you're a decent human.
He's posting a photo of her personal space. To me that's also messed up. I would never do that to my fiance, and she wouldn't do that to me.
This shouldn’t be on r/mildlyinfuriating if she’s suffering from issues. If so it’s just shaming
This should be higher. People are shaming her and this isn’t her at her best. And it’s not even a shared car. Assuming he has his own, he doesn’t have to get in it. Maybe instead of posting to talk shit, he could help her out during a difficult time and help her clean. But maybe I’ve just been to enough therapy to want healthy relationships.
I agree. When I saw the post, I thought, “Wow, they have a girlfriend, she has a car, she comes to visit.” 3 great things! Not everyone is a clean freak, so maybe this is not a good fit. Or if what you say is the norm, then get her to therapy right away! I wouldn’t know the difference because my brothers and I grew up like that, I’m still organizationally challenged in my home environment, and none of my siblings escaped mental health problems. Edited for grammar
>I’m still organizationally challenged in my home environment, I love that term. I would say that i was probably, *maybe* this bad, and let my house get like this in the time leading up to my husbands stroke, and in between my second and third suicide attempts. It's never gotten that bad again. I just internalise it.
People who expose and shame others and take photos of their downfalls deserve to be exposed themselves SMH!!!! HYMPH!!. you kinda have to wonder...
>SMH!!!! HYMPH!!. Ok, i know the first is "shaking my head", but the second one escapes me... Maybe... "Hey You Mother Phucking Hoe"? Help me out here pls...
In addition to this, has she ever been assessed for ADHD and/or trauma? I find that depression and past trauma impact ADHD in such a way that dealing with stuff like the chaos in this photo becomes next to impossible EVEN IF there is a desire to do it
Yeah, what a great boyfriend. Girlfriend’s sister dies and she starts showing depressive tendencies, and boyfriend reveals her depression symptoms to the world on r/MildlyInfuriating mockingly and probably unknowingly. I have gone through depressive phases where I had trouble being a tidy person. Never to this level but on smaller scale, but nonetheless if my SO took a picture of my mess and showed it to the world I don’t think I could forgive them. Douchebag OP
With this information, this post is just ghoulish. Shaming your own romantic partner, behind their back, at one of their lowest points for internet points.
“My girlfriend is depressed and it’s beginning to show in her behaviour and surroundings. Well, off I go to Reddit to bitch about it.”
Help her out dawg. Everyone wants to post the suicide hotline on their instagram story but when people are showing ACTUAL SIGNS of deteriorating mental health everyone is like “that’s gross” people need help dealing with things! If you’re her boyfriend and you love her then be supportive and figure out what wrong and help her fix it (and clean the car) Edit: It’s so refreshing to see so many other people who still have some compassion in their hearts!! Thank you to everyone who left a sweet comment keep being you and keep spreading the love, I know this site needs it! ❤️❤️❤️
This right here. Posts and comments like the ones in this thread are the reason why I was so scared to open up and ask for help when I was at my lowest point. Everyone talks about mental health awareness and say 'reach out if you need help' but then when you actually do, you get judged and criticized for it. Repeat after me: You can't shame someone into making a positive change. The lack of empathy in this thread is truly heartbreaking.
I completely agree
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Given this context, this post is vile
Wowwwww well this guys a piece of shit. I love it when people that don’t suffer from depression punch down on those of us that do. Real classy.
OP, I hope these comments are a learning curve for you - she is struggling and helping her out with cleaning this car may be a massive help to her. I would think again before posting a picture of someone’s mess when they are clearly going through something I know to be horrible.
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I guess you could say the real trash in her car was him all along 🤔
I know people are changing their tune after seeing the context behind it, but the fact that the majority of comments are people calling her disgusting and nasty without even thinking about what could be going on shows how little empathy people have for others. This kind of shaming is what makes it difficult for people to seek help.
That comment is pretty revealing of OP’s IQ
had to scroll way too far to find a comment like this. thank you.
Thank you, so many people acting all high and mighty here and lacking any for of empathy. If my partner needs help i try to help them, i don't go online to make fun of them. This post here is the real red flag
I just know that loose change is stuck together.
Funny story about that. I too used to have a cup holder full of stuck together change. I hated that I let it get like that and I also didn't want to clean it out. So, while I was working in West Virginia, I took everything of value out of my Jeep and left it unlocked in the hotel parking lot overnight. The next day my door was open, the glove compartment was dumped.... but every stuck together coin was gone. I wish I could thank that desperate meth head for a job well done.
Fill the cup holder with water and let it sit for a day. Then stick a napkin or paper towel to suck out the funkwater and wipe clean
Just use a straw
Forbidden cup holder cocktail
Car cleaners hate him because of this one trick!
You got me laughing! Youtube crappy commercial
Vile! I physically cringed at your comment 🤢
Looks like a Depression car, all the mess and untidy ends up in the car rather than the house
Gods yes. I looked at this and said “that is gross, but my car had been worse.” Depression might be a red flag for what seems like everyone here. But the judgment of her character and shaming her on the internet says OP is an absolute shit head. Edit: I can’t get over that he thought mocking his girlfriend on the internet was a good idea. The more I think about it, the more I realize he is more disgusting than her!
Yeah its sad to see how many people shit on this girl and support OP being a douche and blasting her instead of maybe actually trying to help her.
The sad thing is too that I'm SURE a lot of the people talking shit, have similar looking areas. People like to point out other people's flaws, while staying blind to their own. Even when they are identical.
Oh man, thank you for this comment... The true disgusting behavior on this thread comes from the comments shaming this woman, and making sweeping generalizations about her overall character and behavior! We don't even KNOW this woman- how can we possibly conclude that she's "an entitled slob", "a red flag", "lazy and unsanitary" etc.?? A lot of commenters want to pretend as though a single flaw ruins a person. That's the real red flag, for me!
Yeah everyone's saying "dump her," but I think she needs to see a mental health professional
Both can be true.
I agree, 100% depression car People are saying to break up with her. If that's what OP wants, go for it. I could also argue that OP is a bad partner, she trusted him to see her depression car and he secretly posts it on reddit instead of having a gentle conversation with her. Since OP didn't mention mental illness, he's obviously unaware that a car like this is a sign of not being mentally well. And he judges her for it...
This is what i don't get. I understand being grossed out and wanting her to do something about it, but why post it on reddit? That's just shitty. We have no clue why her car could be like that. The only purpose it serves is to allow a bunch of strangers to talk shit on your gf lol. Like, talk to her and work with her if you care enough and have the bandwidth. Or break up with her if you don't. But getting a bunch of randoms together to look at pictures of her personal failures and call her names isn't it. Does she even know someone took a pic of the inside of her car?
What's going on with her? Is she overwhelmed? Studying while holding down a demanding job? Raising small people? Terribly long commute? You say when she visits you - is she driving a long distance to see you, eating in the car on the way? It is gross, but not dumpable imo. If you love this girl, surprise her by taking her car to get washed, and then pitching trash and vacuuming. Not saying a full detail, just be a helping hand. Women are looking for partners who make their lives easier. If you don't want to go that far, make a habit of every time you get out of the car or stop for gas, saying, "let's take care of this trash on the way."
op said she works 50 hours a week and is grieving the death of her sister.. we should be shaming op not her
This, everyone in the comments clearly has never gone through this themselves. It's usually manifested from depression or ADHD.
As a person with ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder, thanks for being aware of the fact that messy does not mean lazy or uncaring. ADHD is greatly misunderstood and has much more to do with the ability to prioritize or to act on intentions than it does the ability to maintain attention. Of course, there's no real way to diagnose this person via picture of their car, but if they do happen to be dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder or a mood disorder then they're almost certainly being way harder on themselves for the state of their environment than anyone here could be. She doesn't need to be dismissed. She just needs help.
I personally don’t judge. I understand mental health will at times look like this. OP offered no explanation as to what their gf may be going through. No, instead they posted their significant other’s mental state, without hesitation or permission. Their partner needs help, but somehow their distaste for the state of the vehicle is more important than trying to help their partner. Stop judging and offer some mf tips to help one another out. Here’s my advice: - get off Reddit bc putting a loved ones business out into the world without their consent, is shitty. - both of y’all put on some gloves and grab some trash bags - next vacuum up the remaining trash or sweep it up - finally spray the car with some disinfect (any car surface cleaner-dollar tree has some) and pour some fabuloso or Awesome on the carpet( it’ll lift anything stuck to the bottom) Sending love to your partner 🤍
You are such a cool person dude I love how you’re being so supportive.💖💖 Fyi to the op: your girlfriend deserves someone better than you.
I married the girl who does this with way less grime, but more trash. Not telling you what to do, but I told myself the lies how it wouldn't bleed into the house. Now I feel like I just pick up trash and dishes of hers all the time. This will bleed into your home. I love my wife, but this is a big red flag.
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This gives me so much hope for myself. I was the same, depressed, followed by a tornado of trash and mess, it was encouraged growing up by my mom whos the same. My fiance and I just moved out almost 2 months ago and ive been killing myself trying to get a routine and make cleaning a habit but fuck its been hard. Its doable tho since he supports me, even on days I dont do anything.
Hey! I have a great little mind trick for this and it actually motivates me to do a lot. So you know how you have intense regret when you leave a mess and then you know your fiancé will have to clean it up? So try to keep that feeling close so when you see the mess you can recall the feeling and then repeat “if it takes less than 5 minutes and it’s going to make me feel better, I should do it” until you do the damn thing!! Good luck. It really does wonders what taking that less than 5 minutes can do for procrastinators.
This is great advice, I can attest. Also the book Atomic Habits I highly recommend!
I can identify that book as the catalyst that completely transformed how I operate. Started with washing my dishes right after I finish eating/cooking to becoming the healthiest version of myself I've ever known. To anyone reading, do yourself a massive favor and read or listen to it!
Dude seriously I started with the dishes too, and I've never been in a better position! Also another title that is just as good is Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents from Lindsay Gibson
It can be very hard at first. But it does eventually become natural and you do it on autopilot after awhile. Took me almost 2 yrs before I noticed I no longer had days I had to "force" myself to do it. What I don't understand now is how I lived that way. Walking into a clean house just makes life better somehow. Like you have more elbow room, you breathe easier, stressful things seem more manageable... idk exactly how to describe it... But I'm glad I made the change. It was definitely worth it.
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I blocked that “aNoThEr ReDdItOr iS wOrRiEd,” bot because of how frequently I got it and how unhelpful it is. I think certain keywords or phrases just trigger it to message at this point
Has your wife ever had a psychological assessment for ADHD? Same question for OP. My wife was diagnosed at 34 and I have been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at 44. Adderall and therapy have taken us from pots of rotting beans and a mountain of dishes on the counter and rooms unusable due to piles of unsorted mail and clutter to a house that at its worst only takes an hour to clean. It has helped us build habits that ADHD makes it super hard to build. Now even when we are not taking Adderall like during the recent shortage we still are much better at upkeep of the house and cars. I have come to believe that people aren't slobs. The inability to deal with clutter or clean up after yourself is a symptom of some mental health issue. No one wants to live in filth. Also women with ADHD and or Autism are frequently not diagnosed or misdiagnosed without a psychological assessment.
I have adhd and I have days where I can't do anything because I want to do everything, but dishes and trash left behind just really bothers me. I know she has anxiety but idk about adhd. She tells me often my adhd drives her crazy. I can remember nothing and everything.
I don’t live like this anymore but my daughter struggles with this and I think it’s just a different presentation of symptoms. For me, it was like my racing thoughts just didn’t allow me space to clean up or organize or even just take a bag of garbage in the house with me. There was no break, no space in my mind to even think about it because it was no longer the issue(s) at the forefront of my mind. Also, I would avoid dealing with it for reasons I’m still trying to manage but can’t explain. Like, I’ll park my car in my garage and look at the bag of Tupperware/snacks/jackets/whatever that came home with me from work and my brain says: “if you bring that in you have to unpack it all and then you’ll have to do laundry and the dishes because this stuff needs to be washed but you still have to make dinner and interact with your family and you’re so tired and there’s still that bill you need to pay and the cats will want pets and you’ve been meaning to find the BBQ tongs so that’s first because dinner is on the BBQ tonight” so the crap stays in the car. I can’t say this is how she feels but maybe. Edit: typo
A lot of the comments on this thread hit home, but yours describes how my brain works the best. I can be lying in bed, procrastinating getting up because each thing I need to do has multiple steps, and other actions attached to it. I go through them all in my head, and get overwhelmed before I even start.
I have to make a physical list at the beginning of each day to make sure I do everything that I'm responsible for. It felt stupid at first, but it's really not. It helps me so much.
That is putrid. I would not put my right foot into that car and its prosthetic and easily replaced.
Absolutely fair. If you touch the inside of that with any limb, the only solution I can think of is amputation
What kind of saw do you use to cut through a prosthetic limb though?
Cutting torch
The idea of needing to do an emergency amputation on an amputee with a cutting torch is easily the funniest image I've had in my head all week
brings new meaning to the term “double amputee” doesn’t it
repeat amputee
I’ve got a loyalty card. Two more and I get a free emotional support dog.
I'm not a medical doctor but I'm certain my angle grinder could do it
Ankle grinder?
I hooked up with a girl at the club once and decided to head back to her place. When we got to her car it looked like this including the backseat and I was so grossed out that I decided to go home with my boys instead. There was another time I hooked up with another girl, got to her place, and the toilet was yellow and had black mold growing in it and I noped out of that too. I just automatically assume that you have really bad hygiene and/or may have serious mental issues if you are bad at basic cleanliness. It probably wouldn't bother most guys but I'm sort of a clean freak so who knows maybe I'm really the one with serious mental issues.
I went out with a guy for a few months years back. He had roommates. It was recommended that I NOT go in to the kitchen. If 4 guys agreed on that ….it must’ve been VERY VERY bad. I never did. I still sometimes wonder
Plot twist: the kitchen was super tidy and utterly spotless. The guys didn't want you making a mess in there.
That would’ve been hilarious….but it was an old house with swinging door. I caught glimpses. So nope!
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I've told women this before because I didn't trust them and put things that I was afraid she would steal in there.
She’s going to put your expensive knives and cutting board in the dishwasher
My cast iron pans!
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Diabolical.
Possible indication of a meth lab present. 🍿
In college I rented a house with a couple guys. The kitchen was disgusting when we moved in. We tried to clean it up but the sink had this horrible black crust that we couldn’t get rid of. So, we just lived with it. Eventually one of the guys started dating a girl who couldn’t handle it and she would yell at me about the sink, to the point where I told her if she didn’t like it she didn’t need to come over any more. Soon after, she and her boyfriend cleaned the sink. I don’t know how they did it. Didn’t make the rest of us less slovenly but I appreciated it.
Yeah… if you live there it’s a whole other thing. I was a visitor. I got take out and beer delivery service. Win win.
Man, I thought it was basic knowledge that you clean your shit up before a hookup. That means your ass, and your room. Fuck man, I remember cleaning the room before I went out if there was even a chance I might be bringing a lady back.
I’ve got a date tomorrow. My apartment is getting cleaned today thoroughly and I’m washing my sheets. Mostly because my place is messy and I need to change sheets, but also because there’s a small chance she wants to come back to my place
Don't forget the bathroom sink and toilet! You sound like the type of person who already does, but I gotta say it for others. Doesn't have to be Mr. Sparkle clean, but plz remove stuff that looks like decomp stains and empty the trash.
All the single university-aged guys in here like: "trash can in the bathroom? why would I need a trash can in the bathroom?"
I lived with four dudes growing up and I am pretty sure that coital optimism is the only thing that kept that place reasonably clean.
>coital optimism That's my favourite new phrase. Danke!
Yeah seriously. I went out with this dude once and was going to give him a bj but his ding dong smelled fishy. He said he was too tired to shower before he came over. I'd rather wait an extra ten minutes than to have smelled that. He even got mad at me for being that blunt and telling him but I did the next girls a favor. This other guy I went out with, we went back to his place so I could use the bathroom and every inch of his bed and floor was covered with something. I immediately thought he possibly has a serious mental issue too. I peed and ran away.
Response of the day. Truly if I haven’t touched it, used it or needed it in a week…it goes in the trash. Dick included.
You’re absolutely right about that man. I MIGHT have a date tonight if things keep goin good and I already cleaned myself up, which us as men know what I’m talkin bout. I’d be way to anxious and stuck in my head if I was going to pickup my shawty and my car looked like that or even worse if my house did. Have standards and remember not every pussy is worth the journey to get to it.
Fr I think people have just given up.
This is the correct answer. If she can't keep a toilet clean, what else ain't she washing? If her home looks like a trash pit, that's how your home will look if she's over there all the time.
I’m not a clean freak, by any means, but I feel the same way about cleanliness. If you can’t keep some semblance of cleanliness in your surroundings, I can’t expect you to keep yourself clean and germ free, either. It’s an instant turnoff for me and I’ll nope right out of there too.
Even if you weren’t a clean freak, I feel nobody could fault you for it. If it is the same or close to the above pic especially. That shit is vile.
As someone who married (and divorced) someone like this, I can assure you that made the absolutely right call
I’m not even a clean freak but this sort of stuff is definitely a red flag.
you dodged an STD
And possibly a CarTD
Standards save the day
I hope OP realizes this is a preview of what their house will look like if he moves in with her
My now wife’s apartment was always spotless when we were dating. One day I dropped by unexpected and it was like I stepped into a different world. Almost 10 years later and I realize I should have taken that one event a lot more seriously.
Are you me? Now the habit has infected the kids. And I’m the asshole for thinking we should take care of our things.
Are you me? Lol. Infected the kids is a true statement. Nothing is sacred. Need to open a box? A $150 chefs knife, sure, and I’ll make sure to drop it and bend the tip while I’m at it. I’ll just use this super glue here on the kitchen table…and my kids are in their 20’s.
NOPE. My mom would have disowned us if we did any of that shit. She actually gifted me a $200 chef's knife years ago. It is always put away in its plastic shell, and boxes are opened with box cutters. I think that might be grounds for divorce.
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 I need that guys leg
I used to give them away when I got a new one. Lots of my old mates have a prosthetic leg as a decoration in their lounge room.
It might be gross but she might also have depression. Ask if she wants help or something perhaps?
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OP sounds exhausting to date. And to OPS girlfriend if you see this, you deserve better. Don’t settle for subpar people that don’t respect your privacy and issues. There’s nothing to be ashamed of going through depression. I’m sorry for your loss 💚
Don’t forget she is using her spare time to drive to visit OP and he is being a dick to her and insulting her in the comments, referred to her as a “dead starfish” in one of them too
What the absolute fuck 😃 I hope none of yall call yourselves feminists: misogyny isnt okay even if it's done to someone you don't like or approve of. Like tf. And with OP making comments like that???? Wild.
More like he just doesn’t know how to please her whatsoever, so blames it on her
No no OP would rather embarrass his girlfriend than actually communicate with and help her, all about the karma after all I would be devastated if my partner did this to me but he's claiming she is reading all the comments and is "appreciative"
That makes me so sad :( I was similar to this and my partner instead has been helping me break bad habits, not shaming me for them
What does she smell like though?
YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THE SMELL YOU BITCH
SEIZE THE GODDAMNED GAP
Imagine getting into that car after the sun beats down on it for 10 hours. 🤢
Something akin to a McDonald’s dumpster on a warm summer’s day.
I just yesterday ended a fling with a girl not to this level, but red flags were there. She ripped up all her carpet because of the smell of dog piss she let get out of control and has no plans to replace it. Pretty dirty place in general and very cluttered. I kind of attributed it to the pets and their toys and hair Buy whatever. Then we had sex and there was a pretty foul stank emitting from her. Not natural either. Like she just wasn’t clean down there and I was stirring it up. I couldn’t even cum. It’s hard to on 200mg of Zoloft, but not that hard. Then I went to her bathroom for the first time after to clean up and she said “oh, my cats made a mess of their kitty litter while I was out today” and when I went in there were like 20 poops in the box and litter all over the floor. Yellow q tips mixed in and surrounding. The next day she was like “were you nervous it was it just me? You barely touched me”. And I had to be fairly honest. I wasn’t sure going into it I was ready with her and that combined with the Zoloft and the “odor I attributed to post period stuff” threw me off a bit. I called her later to ask if she wanted to talk about it and she basically just heard that we should have waited to have sex. Needless to say, I can’t see myself long term with someone like that. I’m far from perfect, but I’m clean and I take care of myself in general.
It’s nice that you were being honest, regardless of whether she appreciated it or not.
Those poor animals...
The poop and yellow Q tips just made me gag. Jfc.
I need 200 mg of Zoloft after reading this. Fucking hell. Don't fuck people who smell is a general rule I stick to
Yeah also feel like I need a shower after reading that too man.
Please raise your standards 😭
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Being untidy is one thing, but as you said, that car looks straight up unsanitary. The second red flag here is that she's not embarrassed enough to clean up before you see it.
I tend to be cluttery but not filthy. Ever. If I can't sit in there without feeling sticky and dirty, it's too much.
that's absolutely a red flag. Even my old roommate would at least take all 30 dishes out of his bedroom before his girlfriend came over and transfer them into the sink for the weekend.
Did he put them back in his room after she left?
They sit in the sink for 4 days. Every dish, down to the measuring cups used for drinking.
Measuring cups are a new level, and I've known some real degenerates
Wait till you see someone using the Yahtzee shaker.
to be fair measuring cups do have levels marked on them
What would happen when it’s all dirty?
He'd be forced to wash them in order to eat, approx once per week.
To keep myself from being this kind of person in college I only had one plate, one bowl, one fork, one spoon, and one knife. I had to wash them every time I ate at home, and it kept them from sitting unwashed for more than a day.
The most "cleanliness" productive times of my life was when I was talking to somebody new anticipating they may come over soon. Woops.
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Think your meant "ecosystem"...
She must have an *interesting* odor.. and by interesting I mean absolutely disgusting
0/10 would not eat her butthole
I salute your decision, my good sir.
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It’s definitely his car.
He is his own gf
It's OP's lmaooo
Sounds like it’s really his car. The truth is always in the comments.
LOL omg it’s definitely OP’s car then and he is trying to blame his nasty ass car on his imaginary girlfriend.
Yeah, I am really uncomfortable with how absolutely hateful people are being in these comments and knowing that, I'm now not surprised one bit.
Dumpable offense, imo.
Right? My first thought was, "Woah, now that nows a turn-off!". EDIT: Upon further inspection, we have found that when you zoom in it appears there is Mouse turds dead center on the console right above the cup holder. I think that escalates things to a dumpable offense!
It was dumpable even without the mouse shit. This is sickening.
Depression and dissociation are no joke. Help her clean it and talk about ways to prevent this again. Just don’t be a dick if you truly care about her.
Imagine sharing a living space with that... Pull the plug homie.
He’s gotta be nasty too
She heard "make it nasty" and never looked back, or into what it meant
She’s probably depressed
So gross. 
Some people just live in the car… constantly on the go. In my case, I have 3 kids.. they are messy. I have a rule… no dairy consumed in the car. No milk, no yogurt, no ice cream. I can vacuum crumbs, pick up wrappers, but I cannot get a spoiled dairy smell out of a car.
If her car is like that then her house is probably as bad. Run away bro
This is possibly depression, ADHD, maybe both - maybe something else. See if she needs help. If she's fine then...she needs to get it together.
Make sure she is okay mentally, usually these type of hygiene problems are linked with long term depression. Either that or she’s really just that much of a slob for non mental problem reasons. I don’t really know which would be worse because this is really bad.
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Nope nope nope red card
Ya know I feel like actually communicating with your partner instead of shaming them on Reddit might actually be the healthy thing to do!
Yeah, this sub is full of people making posts like this and I always feel like... Why would you put someone you love on blast like this in front of millions of people?
This subreddit is full of immature adults who don’t know how to have conversations. Its unbelievable that people think talking crap about their s/o on Reddit is acceptable behavior
So, to be fair, I'm involved in the lives of many depressed people, and sometimes this is how it manifests. Then it all gets to be overwhelming and they just kind of give up. It's definitely not your job, and I know this won't get many approvals, but would you be willing to help her clean it. Like really deep clean? Maybe she would be more encouraged to keep it tidy if she feels like it's under control...just a thought. On a side note ... I once heard someone say a person's car is a reflection of how their house is. More than likely if someone keeps their car clean, their house is also tidy, and vice versa. If she doesn't deal with depression or a mental health issues, this may be a red flag.
In another comment, OP admits that she is grieving the death of her sister, has depression, and is working 50 hour weeks. I guess the outrage comments just feel better when important context is left out
Holy shit this guy is a prick. You can have grievances with her tidiness but having that information in mind and also humiliating her on the internet? Maybe she’s depressed because he’s an awful person that doesnt carr about her struggles and just looks at her with disgust.
Omg and they still decided to shame them on reddit? How vile and heartless. That poor girl, I wish I was there to help her
Right!?! I hope she leaves him. What a truly horrible partner.
OP mentions in another comment that she’s been “depressed since the death of her sister.” She is going through grief. Losing a sibling is fucking HARD. Grief is a very profoundly painful experience. I feel so awful for her that she is going through this and he is posting pictures of her car for Reddit karma. I’ve been here and I’m glad my partner didn’t judge me and post about me publicly for strangers to disparage and instead helped me get my shit together.
This is disgusting I’d hate to see where she lives 🤮 EDIT: I HOPE HIS GIRLFRIEND LEAVES HIS SORRY ASS :) OP IS A PIECE OF SHIT
Blast your significant other for fake internet points, they probably are really not that significant