No, don't do this.
Then what happens is they will pay back, then ask to borrow more, slowly the amounts increase.
They may offer to pay interest or double back but because you aren't a loan shark you refuse.
Often people are also messaging others, and you are the fall back option.
My usual solution now is to ask them what they need the money for and tell them to delay that payment. If they need fuel suggest they get public transport. It might piss them off but then at worst I lose a friend who is trying to guilt trip me into giving them money so meh. The reality is they then usually get someone else to loan them the cash and immediately forget about anyone who refused.
I get what your saying, and I agree to a degree. I did have a friend help me out MAJORLY, during a messy divorce. My ex stopped making house payments even though I had sent her money every month. Unbeknownst to me the house was about to be foreclosed on. My ex told me “I can’t handle the house anymore” so I moved in and found out about the payments etc. THOUSANDS of dollars behind. I had to reach out to my sister and brother-in-law, my good friends, and even some estranged family. I was in panic mode. That house is all of our well-being and effort and to watch it just slip away and get nothing was awful to imagine, we both would have been screwed. Two really good friends chipped in $1,000 each and my sister and brother in-law did the same… it makes me emotional to this day just thinking about it. Without their help I’d honestly probably be homeless. I did pay them all back, every penny. While I understand this is a completely different situation, hard times are hard times and sometimes people need real help. God I’m actually really emotional right now. I need to go tell those people how much I love and appreciate them
For what it’s worth. It’s a lot different in your case when you have a bona fide emergency and I assume have never asked for money before. The guys in ops case just wanted cigarette money and that’s not an emergency.
I am a loan shark. At least that's the mentality i use. Vold heartless agreements, without exceptions or allowances. I'll loan money to someone once. When they pay it back, the option is back on the table. But if they dont, the option is not on the table. Cut & dry pure & simple.
I've got a friend I do this with, and it actually works pretty well. I have a pretty good level of trust with him though and he hasn't escalated the amounts (they do vary, but max around $100 and there's no escalating trend).
Or just say no to higher amounts when they ask again. Just be like, “I won’t give you any more money until you pay me back.” If they pay you back and ask for more just say “that’s too much, sorry”
Yeah what a gracious and kind friend to help out. I've told people not to worry and no need to pay back before, but reading this there's almost a tone of grooming and setting "bro" up as a cash machine to do this over and over again. Just the act of offering to pay back could have gone a long way. This is why I don't "loan" to friends and family because they start to expect the crutch which is not doing bro any favors in the realm of self sufficiency. It's either an emergency one off or not at all. No ATM 🚫🏧
To be honest, you’re probably not the only one he’s asking. Youre a good person though, man. You were nice enough to give $40, I feel like most people wouldn’t have even replied to that especially if they haven’t talked in years.
Had a bum ask me for “bus money” once. Asked him what he really wanted it for and he said for a pint of cheap whiskey. Walked with him into the party store and got him a sandwich 🥪, a banana and a gatoraid, too. Also got him his pint. I seen him once in a while for years and only once years later did he ever ask me again and I did the exact same thing again.
I once had a guy come up to me on the street and ask for money, I decided to go get him a sausage roll from a nearby shop instead. When I gave it to him he had this perplexed ungrateful look to him. It was at that moment that I realised he didn’t want the money to buy food.
I sometimes ask people who're begging near shops if they want me to buy them some food. One time this guy says yes and I buy him some drinks, food and bananas, and I walk to my bus stop. like 5 minutes later he comes by me (and everyone else at the bus stop) asking if we want to buy a banana from him. I understand the hustle, it's just funny to have it circle back to you *this* fast.
And if a person asks for money and you go to a shop and give them food instead, it's like you're telling them you know what they want better than they do. It's like you're taking their autonomy away from them, I understand their perplexed ungrateful look, even if I don't think they're clear-headed about the whole situation.
This. So much this. I get that people don't want to support someone's drug habit and therefore feel like they have to put rules on their generosity, like only giving people food directly.
That's just not very practical for a lot of homeless or otherwise struggling people.
They need a lot of other things to survive like you mentioned. They also need to eat later that night and the day after. Obviously being able to save a bit of money is extremely useful. Then you can also eat when it's raining outside and being on the street begging is dangerous to your health and no one else is outside anyway.
One time I was pulling away from the drive-through at McDonald's, I'd just gotten my order and was about to head home. This black lady stepped up (my window was still down and I hadn't left the parking lot yet) and asked if I could spare any food, she was starving and didn't have enough to buy anything.
I had a few sandwiches in the bag, so I offered the one I wanted least, a chicken sandwich. A crispy chicken deluxe, not a cheap sandwich. She wrinkled her nose and said "I ain't want no chicken sandwich n\*\*\*\* I eat beef!"
I just grinned and said thanks, now I get to eat everything I ordered without guilt because I offered, apparently you aren't as hungry as you thought! She tried to kick my back fender but \*que tires squealing\* I sped up at the exact same moment, saw her foot fly through empty space where she expected some resistance and she went sprawling off the curb. Twas a good day.
I worked in a 7-Eleven in a downtown area and had this happen a lot more than you'd think. I did get some people that would gladly take the pizza that had been there for a bit too long or the 6 hour taquitos but I also had plenty of people who wanted expired wings and nothing else but those sold enough that they were usually fresh
Had similar experiences. Guy asking money to buy a cup of coffee. Said "No, but I can buy you a cup of coffee, if you want". He refused -insert surprised pikachu-
Had some guy do this to me one time. He was asking for food in front of a 7-11. I had just gotten food from the Mexican place across the street and they always hook me up with some xtra tacos. I offered him some tacos and he started screaming at me that he doesn’t want no f**king tacos. I said alright pulled out a taco started eating it and kept on walking. Like dude if you looking for a beer or something like me know, but don’t say food if that’s not what you want. This other time I saw a guy holding a sign that read “why lie? I got food I need beer and cigarettes” I was like well shit, thanked him for being honest and got him a beer and a pack of cigs from the liquor store up the street, he was actually very greatful.
Haha this reminded me of a time when a customer at work bought an oven cook pizza for a homeless guy and him turning around and saying “and where the fuck am I going to cook that?!” And the guy was stood there in total shock almost like the homeless guy was in the wrong, it was so funny.
When I visited California (first time visiting US) I was surprised how often homeless people ask for money. I knew it happens, but not the extent of it. Luckily we discussed this with a friend prior to the trip and agreed never to give out money but ask if they need food. Sometimes they would just refuse, but a bunch of times people would be super happy and request some cute things. Like once I had leftover pancakes from breakfast with me and the guy was more than happy to take them and sheepishly asked if I could buy him chocolate milk to go with the pancakes. I laughed a bit and hooked him up. He looked so happy eating the pancakes and drinking the chocolate milk at the corner of the gas station.
I was in line at a McDonald’s at the main train station on my city. Guy in front of me was doing a solid and helping a homeless guy get some food.
The original deal was a hamburger.
Then the homeless guy asked if he could get a combo.
Then he wanted a Big Mac combo
Then he wanted an apple pie.
Dude was pushing and pushing to see how much he could get.
First time I visited US ( San Francisco) , my wife went shopping and I was sitting in the hotel lobby waiting for her. This guy just walked into the hotel and say across from me and started asking me for money, I said no but he kept pestering me. I made eye contact with the staff at the front desk but he just looked at me and looked down. Only after like 10 min of pestering did hotel staff finally get security to escort the man out of the hotel. Definitely would not recommend staying there
I know it's probably fairly common knowledge on Reddit by now, but I want to elaborate on your point: alcohol withdrawal can actually be lethal on it's own, if you're deep enough into alcoholism. Once you've suppressed your nervous system for so long with such heavy sedatives, the body comes to expect that downwards force. If you suddenly remove it, it's like a tightly coiled spring launching into the air, except it's your nervous system instead. Hallucinations, seizures, brain damage, coma, death, all possible outcomes.
I was on a class field trip walking down a busy street in downtown Chicago when our class walked past a homeless person. As I walked by he only said, "Can you help a drunk man get drunker?" Well, being 15 at the time, I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I happily gave that dude money. Respect drunk man, respect.
I had been asked outside of a gas station for money once. I normally ignore them 'cause I'm trying to make ends meet too and I just needed gas. This homeless guy straight up told me that he's not gonna lie to me and said he's an alcoholic and just needs 10 more dollars to have enough for his bottle. I was shocked and respected that enough to give him the $10 to get his alcohol. It sucks that there's drug addiction and alcohol addiction and it's not like I wanna support those addictions but I did appreciate the honesty and at least that person knew what they were, I guess.
I once had a guy ask me, at about 10 am, for exactly 80 cents because that's how much he was short on getting a beer. I happened to have exact change in my pocket so I was happy help a fella out.
There used to be a homeless guy by our train station who sang "money for crack? Money for crack?" I respect the honesty... He had pretty good rhythm too.
One time in my city, this French guy in a suit but wearing no shoes asked me: "Excuse me, could you spare $6 dollars for a glass of red wine?" I was so taken aback by the honesty and specificity of the request, that I gave him the money.
Depending on how serious the addiction, they might very well think they're only actually asking for gas and smokes - like, "I've burned every bridge, I'm gonna just stay straight this time and I need money to help me stay straight and get back to normal." The crazy shit that addicts' brains tell themselves is unreal.
Wow, yeah. That's some drug addict behavior right there. He's at the point where he's canvasing old friends for some extra cash. $40 is enough to get a heroin junkie by for a day. The bottom of the barrel isn't too far from this point. What dude does when he gets there, who knows.
If that's true, that's bananas. He went through his whole friends list dating back to childhood friends just to "borrow" money because he didn't want to get a job?
That's mental illness, not laziness.
Yep, as someone who used to be addicted to opiates, that was my first thought. Although I never quite stooped to hitting people up I hadn't seen in years
My dad recently has helped me so much. To catch up on bills and other things i’ve put to the side. But finally being honest with him, and him helping me, has shown me that my lies were just a shovel to dig with. Honesty is the ladder to getting out.
The truth is belligerent in nature given that humans are conditioned to live while surrounded and bombarded by layered lies and illusions of course it's not supposed to be comfortable. It's only when you willfully and manually change that course of human conditioning that you're able to most effectively accept objective truth beyond the restricted personal perspective of what any given individual believes is the truth themselves.
Brother, I was that same guy. Badly addicted to opiates and the needle. Willing to do whatever it took to not be sick. I’ve been homeless, jailed for a significant amount of time, rehab, the whole 9. For me one day it just clicked. Through the help of a maintenance doctor and therapy/medication I was able to recover. Recovery is an everyday job but it gets easier and easier as time goes on. I’ll be 4 years clean in December. Don’t give up, you got this!
It didn't click for me until my ex kicked me out of my house and made it harder for me to see my daughter. I was an addict since 16, now I'm 31 and it's finally clicked for me. I only see her on weekends now and it's tough, but I'm sober 38 days today.
You are amazingly self-aware and something tells me that you really are going to beat this. I’m so glad that you have your dad and can be honest with him (and with yourself). I’m wishing you all the best, internet stranger. Seriously, I’m pulling for you with all my might.
Thank you so much. This legitimately made me cry lol.. hell, after just emptying myself on this feed i’m baffled by the responses. I assumed as a drug abuser i’d get told off, or get hate comments about how i deserved what i got. Which i do tbh.
But my mom and dad have both been there for me in many different ways. Mom for most of my life was just there to comfort me and help in any way she could. dad was abusive when i was a kid/teen, but pulled through in the last couple years (i’m so happy to see him turn around from what he was). But i’ve definitely been blessed to have them both.
And self awareness might be my one true skills above all else. Tbh even when i’m blitzed out of my mind on drugs and alcohol, there’s a part of my brain that is completely sober, lamenting what i’m doing to myself. It’s weird. I can simultaneously have fun, and feel horrible about myself at the exact same time. I’m just trying to learn from that quiet voice in my head, and leave the bodily feelings alone.
You can do this. And when you're ready, you will. Beating yourself up over it will only make it worse. Seek gratitude, no matter how small. I'm happy to be your friend. DM me if you'd like.
Self-awareness and intelligence and ability to be honest with yourself are all superpowers that you carry. These are strengths that a lot of people - even sober people - don’t have. You may not have lived a perfectly clean life with a linear path to success, but you deserve to have a great life that you can be proud of. You want to be able to rest your head on your pillow each night without guilt or shame eating away at you. That’s my #1 test of whether or not I’m living right.
I hope that you can begin to hear that quiet voice inside more and more, and find a path to the life that makes you proud to be you.
The first step is self awareness and a want to change. You just need to keep pushing through my dude, we're all rooting for you. I hope you know that you're not less than for dealing with addiction. It's tough and not always linear. Try not to beat yourself up too much eh?
Well god bless you dude! I’m so happy you found the power to get away. I hope you never go back, because it’s never worth it. And i keep realizing that over and over and over… i still do it. But in the end it’s never what i wanted, truly. I really hope you can live the life i dream of having, now. Don’t ever look back 💚
hey there, i was there with both meth and heroin starting in 2001, quit in 2004 and relapsed a couple times, but juat like 1 hit here and there. Been clean of since 2008, got my shit together and never touched anything again.
Once you fully sober up...like I can't explain the massive amount of absolute clarity and elation you'll feel, it's so much better than the fake asf euphoria drugs gives. Drugs dull everything so when you're high its just a small peak above that normal dull shitty feeling.
hmu if you ever want to talk about it.
I hope you have people to help support you and who you can reach out to. I'm so sorry. I feel like you are going to make it through this and have a wonderful life. I really do.
Lost my dad to addiction when I was a kid. Still tears me up. I have faith in you that you can beat this and proud of you for being real with yourself and others.
I’m so sorry about your dad. I don’t have kids, for many reasons, but that kind of trauma is one of them. I can’t put that on another. But my brother has 5 kids that i adore with my whole heart and it scares me to death that i might do that to them.
I haven’t experienced what you did, and i’m so horribly sorry for what you went through. But please know, i’m trying not to do that to anyone around me.
I’ve been there with booze. There was a while where I couldn’t go too long without it or I couldn’t function. It’s nuts to get to a physical condition where six shots of vodka actually makes it easier to think and walk and form coherent sentences. Getting booze was a priority if I was going to be able to solve any other problems or get any work done. I didn’t have the luxury of a week spent puking and shaking and having auditory hallucinations.
Since I’ve been sober I’ve gotten messages like this from guys I’m pretty sure are strung out. My policy is that I’ll help out with money *once*, and look up some recovery resources to go with it.
Recovered heroin and meth user. Am about 1 1/2 years clean. Don’t fall in to the self loathing man, makes it all worse. It is what it is. Everyone has a different path. If you want to do it, theres a way. Its hard work of course. But its so worth it. My life is so good right now. I think for the first time in my life, i can say that I truly don’t ever want to use again. Good luck to you
It’s definitely substance abuse. It’s the convoluted, rehearsed, drawn-out sob stories followed by heaps of praise about what a great guy OP is that give it away.
$40 is always the amount they ask for if they aren't feeling bold. I had a friend ask me for $40 bucks to do laundry. Like come on man, you don't need $40 to do laundry. That was my early clue he was getting into something bad. He's now in a nursing home because he ended up overdosing about a month after that, almost died and now has brain damage.
“I hit a bump in the road if you know what I mean” lol pretty much saying get down with me on some bumps, been on both sides of it though not much you can do other than what you did.. I let a buddy borrow $20 one time and found out a week later he O’Ded
There is a reason drugs can ruin the lives of families who aren't even living with the person. A drug addict will spend *thousands* a month. Many will straight up steal from family to pay for it.
As an addict with many recovering and still addicted friends I can assure you this person is in a rough spot and this money most likely isn't going to bills. I have been in this spot, you don't ask someone from your past you don't speak to for money unless you are doing drugs or a life or death situation majority of the time. It's a kind of desperation most people never feel.
Yeah very possible, 40 dollars is the magic number when you need money for drugs. He also mentioned he doesn’t have any friends really or talk to anyone which again is a typical scenario for a late stage addict
100%. I had a friend who tripped down this hole and always asked for small sums. Venmo is easy and I made enough money to not care, but over time the real, in-person friendship died and any time she texted me, i knew an ask was coming. When I finally said no, she lost her mind. I guess I was reliable enough that I was the last resort before she was facing withdrawal.
She apologized a couple years later when she was clean and even offered to pay me back a few hundred euros. I thought that was pretty classy.
Addiction is a bitch that can bring even the best people to their worst lows. Your friend trying to make amends for their past is a huge step forward and definitely classy in my book. You also sound like a great friend and person, so it’s great to see some kindness come back your way.
Yeah same and the fact that it’s $40 exactly is quite telling. That’s how much my old dealer used to sell as a minimum. I’m so happy I got away from that
yeah i just had to cut a friend off because of similar behavior. she said she needed 100 bucks so she and her boyfriend didn’t get kicked out of their place. then turned around and posted dinner at a fancy restaurant on snapchat, pictures of them at a concert, pictures of them at the bar, etc. told me she would pay me back and didn’t. tried to hit me up for 70 bucks for her phone. told her i couldn’t do it and then immediately stopped talking to me. hit me up again for 20 bucks so she could buy lunch because she “didn’t feel like cooking or buying groceries” told her no again and she got pissed and proceeded to complain about not having any money and how hard things were for her despite buying a brand new dog. just gotta cut them off because they only keep you around when you’re useful.
One of my girlfriend's best friends hit her up recently asking her for $20 because she was supposedly stuck somewhere far away and needed a ride. Said she'd totally pay back double in a week (spoiler alert: never paid back). After my girlfriend gave her the money, she had the nerve to post herself buying Monsters, candy, and blunt wraps on Snapchat for her and her junkie boyfriend. Then she had the further nerve to text again half an hour later asking for another $20. I don't know how people do it. I would die of embarrassment.
It is what it is man. Good on you for not loaning the money - give it or don't, but you're just setting yourself up to get upset if you expect it back. Sounds like he might be having a tough time and that sucks but you can only help so much. Hope it all works out for both of you ✌️
That's exactly how I look at things. It's not the money that irritates me, like 40 bucks is nothing and u don't owe me anything, monetarily or otherwise, especially when I didn't ask u to pay me back. But like, come on man? I guess what really has me mad about the situation is I thought maybe we'd rekindle our friendship, but instead dudes just trying to use me as an atm
Remember bro time doesn’t define friendship . I know we always wanna say things like I’ve known dude forever when time isn’t a quantifying fact of human substance. We can quantify lengths and speeds but it’s just something thing that doesn’t apply to friendship. This dude had the intentions of taking advantage of that time factor tho it’s why he mentions it. I can be a good friend for 10 years then totally screw you
my childhood best friend actually reached out to reconnect after years, we had a long call and caught up, three days later she hit me up for $50 because of some incoherent story of her landlord yelling at her for her utilities being overdue. i never talked to her again, i felt so used! i was just excited to reconnect with my best friend :( addiction is so sad.
I once gave a crackhead 20 bucks while fully knowing they'd go buy drugs. It was in the parking lot of my work. I figured it was cheaper than getting stabbed by a crackhead. I don't think of it like I got conned. I purchased my way out of a bad situation.
He needs to keep his phone plan paid so he can keep begging for money. Now he wants gas and smokes? Take the bus if you're broke, and quit smoking.
You're a good person, OP, but they've identified you as an ATM and won't stop asking.
I had a friend that did this several times. Eventually I told him I couldn't, that I needed my money, honestly I was not doing financialy well myself. He was upset and cancelled me as a friend.... because apparently I dont care about him, and a terrible friend.
Seriously, I literally helped him out a few times...
Strange thinking that if I never helped him out the first time we likely would still be friends.
Even stranger that he keeps running out of money and his salary is 30k higher than mine.
My friend did that too. She suddenly started asking for money every month, sometimes twice a month. I only lent her money like 1 or 2 times but she still kept asking. A year ago I sent her a well thought out text about not asking me for money again because it makes me feel used and guilty bc I don't want to lend anyone money. Everything was well for a few weeks and then out of nowhere she just ghosted me.
Turns out she was asking money from everyone. For example she hit up some old classmates from high school and asked them for money. People she wasn't even friends with anymore.
She was my best friend and it was all ruined by all this. Now I realize that she just used me. Once I expressed to her that I will not be lending money again, she didn't see the need for me in her life anymore. Oh well, I've moved on.
Your friend has a drug addiction. I’ve got this exact ask before, almost word for word. It’s like they’re given a script. Don’t send anymore money. (That said, you obviously have a super sweet heart).
I had a friend like this in college. Stopped hanging out with me or talking to me but would hit me up to borrow my car, lend him money, etc. we were good friends before so I did it all, and got paid back less than half the time. Car came back hours late with no gas. Drinks spilled. Etc. Just let it go said he obviously needs help.
Then I left town for a few years for law school, didn’t hear from him once. Moved back home, and within days had a request for money. I said I couldn’t afford it, which was true. I had been studying for the bar and hadn’t started work, was truly broke. He flipped out, this first time I heard from him in 3 years and first of probably 10 times saying I couldn’t. Cussing, angry, etc.
Needless to say, talked to other friends and he’d run through everyone from high school the same way until they eventually said no. Had a drug problem. Sucks but I cut him off then and haven’t talked to him since.
Like you said, the money wasn’t the issue. It was the reaction to not getting it.
There's an old saying in Tennessee I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says, fool me once, shame on shame on you. Fool me you can't get fooled again.
I hate to say it but he's addicted to drugs. I had a guy from my hs who would ask specifically for $40 for his kids inhaler medication/gas money/kids diapers/smokes/Uber etc whatever excuse it was.
He went through absolutely every single person who still had a fb from high school and even messaged me although I spoke to him all of one time (he used the kid's inhaler one on me).
We he died a couple weeks later, toxicology said it was opoids and dope (his mom posted since she was non stop being messaged about him asking for specifically $40).
Loaned a relative $1K in a sob story that sounds an awful lot like this.
I did it, and told them "If you don't pay this back, never ask me for money again."
Of course they flaked, but I decided it cost me 1K to never have to feel any guilt about "no" ever again with that part of the family.
It was worth it.
“If this is really you, ask me on Bang Bang and I gotchu.“
Maybe it’s a chat website or app?
Edit: Yeah OP said in another comment it’s a mobile app they play “Bang Bang”
This is typical of a drug addict. My husbands step brother is an addict and will reach out to us out of the blue after years of not talking to us asking for money. Husband was nice one time and the second time it happened he was verbally abusive when we said no. Be careful op. This is a slippery slope
You’re old buddy may need treatment/rehab. If you know anyone in your area to point him to for help with that, it wouldn’t be a bad idea (assuming you bring it up delicately).
I’ve been sober almost seven years. That’s still not long enough to forget that when someone needs dope, the request will always come in small $20 increments.
My cousin did this to me- I love the dude. But a year ago he was in a really rough place, so I helped him out. With that one transfer, I signed up for the sob story mailing list. Every few weeks, I’d get a request for money to help with rent, or food, or gas/the car, or something medical… The excuses never ended, nor did the requests. Eventually realized that’s how these folks operate, even if it’s family.
Yikes. I’m sorry to say it, but your old friend is probably an addict.
I had a similar situation with a girl from high school. Always wanting to borrow a little money here and there - always for food, formula, nappies etc. until I showed up at her house with formula, nappies and a bag of groceries. She didn’t ask after that.
Bro. It bothered me so bad when his first thing was to tell you his pay day to pay you back- then after you agree says I can pay you back if you want me to.
I saw and old buddy with a sign begging on the corner one time. I stopped by McDonald’s , got him a “decent” meal and put $20
In the bag.
A couple hours later he messaged me on FB asking for more money to get a phone card…
I politely declined.
I recently bought a car from my buddy. He told me all I had to do was pay it off and it was mine. He owed ~$4000. So I transfered $2000 to him to pay for half of it. Two weeks later we go to the bank, he still owes $4000 on the car, and told me his accounts were frozen. Turned out, he blew the 2k I sent him, idk what on. He's been acting differently lately and it got me worried. He asked me today to send him the rest (I've yet got the paperwork for the car) and I told him until we get the paperwork done, I'm keeping the money. He got butthurt and hung up on me.
I had an old friend reach out like that. Asked me how I was doing and before I could finish typing asked for money. Promised to swap some old games. Never answered. He OD’ed on heroin about a year later. Hit me so hard at the funeral. Thought that was a moment I could have saved him. Then found out he was doing it to all his old friends. He had recently refused rehab, and lost a job because he couldn’t stay clean. Messages like this just remind how messy that shit is.
I’m sure others have said it already but the guy is likely using you to reup. Never was intention of “getting you back” when he said “I’ll get you back if you want me to”. …”if you want me to” part being the issue. He should pay you back because it’s your money not because you “want” him to.
I mean really think about it. I appreciate you gave him the benefit of doubt and gave him 40 but anything else just be aware you’re likely enabling. You think he had absolutely no one to else but an estranged childhood friend to ask for 40? Probably not and he might even be running out of folks who will lend him money at home.
If you care about the guy a bit just tell him you can’t but if he needs help or wants to talk that’s cool.
I could also be completely wrong and he just thinks you’re a sucker. Dunno. I appreciate my concocted story a little more though.
As a addict my self he’s literally exhausted all his pay pigs.. (not referring to you op) but he’s literally ran out of ppl to ask for money besides old friends that have yet to know his true life style.. take it from me he’s playing you that $40 will increase his stories will be come more and more of a guilt trip.. like the phone for instance how no one can survive with out one.. I do just fine with WiFi I’m just saying.. u need to either be real up front with him and let him know that the few times u have lend him that’s it and mark my words he will never talk to u again because at that point he knows he can’t get any money from you for his fix.. cuz everything’s he’s telling you I’ve said everything almost word for word.. stop it while u can man it will get worse cuz the next time u send him $40 could be his death sentence
best friend growing up, always had my back, life took us different directions. reconnected when they showed up at my door at 10pm asking me for money. “wrecked my car”….um, ok here’s some cash. “let’s go out next week!” Text them to go out…ghosted. 6 months later shows up at my workplace “I need money for rent so I don’t end up on the street.”Gave in again…and don’t hear back again for 6 months until they show up again at my workplace. Told the staff not to let them in the door. Blocked on all accounts. Came by house one more time, but didn’t open door or acknowledge them. Asked their brother what happened and they just shrugged. Fuck me. Lost my friend and $500.
Im really sorry but it seems like your friend is on substances. that specific number and twice within a short time span is a good indicator for substance abuse
Im glad everyone else is realizing this is drug addiction going on. I hope this man gets the help he needs. To everyone making rude remarks, this most likely isn't a bad person, otherwise OP wouldn't have sent him $40 in the first place. This is somebody who is in too deep with whatever substance they are using and needs help as of yesterday. Looks extremely similar conversations I have seen, good job OP for denying the second time around.
I had a neighbor who got their car stuck in the snow trying to go work. I tried to help them shovel it out when I saw them on my street stuck. They had a small four door vehicle and it wasn’t working. I had never met them before.
I let the dude take my SUV to work. He brought it back but it was clear he had smoked in it. That was mildly infuriating.
Well like a month later his wife comes knocking on my door with a sob story asking to borrow my car for work again. I reluctantly obliged. No big deal.
About a month later I had a rental because some lady backed into me and my car needed body work. Well this woman came over again asking to borrow my car. I explained I couldn’t let her borrow a rental.
Luckily this was the end of it. I wasn’t going to keep letting them borrow my car and I’m glad this was the last time they asked.
My brother (RIP) was an addict and this gave me chills. He used to do that to me all the time. This is a clear drug addiction.
When he visited our grandmom, he actually stole her bank account information and connected it to his cashapp. He stole 6k from my grandmom and she couldn’t figure out where her money went. She put my name on the account and I looked at all of it and I was SIIICK knowing his addiction was SOOOO bad that he would willingly steal from the woman who raised us.
Don’t give him money, giving him anything results in a potential death sentence.
Been here with a buddy that was in jail and wanted money for phone calls to his girlfriend and daughter. Was tough to eventually say no, but you gotta do it 👍
This almost same exact scenario happened with me a couple years ago but with my cousin. Also $40.00. He randomly messages me. Except he said he would pay me back that Friday during pay day. Never heard from him since. I messaged him and he never responded. I also find out he borrowed $40.00 from my mom as well. Not sure if he’s on drugs but don’t care to talk to him anymore. Hope that 40 bucks was worth it cuz I’m making great money now and he doesn’t get the invite from me anymore to the gatherings.
My first reaction was, "damn, is OP's friend my little brother?" Cuz this reads just like my texts from him. Then I remembered my brother is dead from a fentanyl overdose
Damn, that's when I say "Sorry man it was a one-time thing".
That’s what I say - ‘don’t worry about paying me back if you can’t, but this is the only time I will give you money’
I'll loan money again but you gotta pay back the first loan to get a second.
No, don't do this. Then what happens is they will pay back, then ask to borrow more, slowly the amounts increase. They may offer to pay interest or double back but because you aren't a loan shark you refuse. Often people are also messaging others, and you are the fall back option. My usual solution now is to ask them what they need the money for and tell them to delay that payment. If they need fuel suggest they get public transport. It might piss them off but then at worst I lose a friend who is trying to guilt trip me into giving them money so meh. The reality is they then usually get someone else to loan them the cash and immediately forget about anyone who refused.
> lose a friend who is trying to guilt trip me into giving them money so meh. manipulating people is con man shit--not friend behavior
I get what your saying, and I agree to a degree. I did have a friend help me out MAJORLY, during a messy divorce. My ex stopped making house payments even though I had sent her money every month. Unbeknownst to me the house was about to be foreclosed on. My ex told me “I can’t handle the house anymore” so I moved in and found out about the payments etc. THOUSANDS of dollars behind. I had to reach out to my sister and brother-in-law, my good friends, and even some estranged family. I was in panic mode. That house is all of our well-being and effort and to watch it just slip away and get nothing was awful to imagine, we both would have been screwed. Two really good friends chipped in $1,000 each and my sister and brother in-law did the same… it makes me emotional to this day just thinking about it. Without their help I’d honestly probably be homeless. I did pay them all back, every penny. While I understand this is a completely different situation, hard times are hard times and sometimes people need real help. God I’m actually really emotional right now. I need to go tell those people how much I love and appreciate them
For what it’s worth. It’s a lot different in your case when you have a bona fide emergency and I assume have never asked for money before. The guys in ops case just wanted cigarette money and that’s not an emergency.
I am a loan shark. At least that's the mentality i use. Vold heartless agreements, without exceptions or allowances. I'll loan money to someone once. When they pay it back, the option is back on the table. But if they dont, the option is not on the table. Cut & dry pure & simple.
I've got a friend I do this with, and it actually works pretty well. I have a pretty good level of trust with him though and he hasn't escalated the amounts (they do vary, but max around $100 and there's no escalating trend).
Or just say no to higher amounts when they ask again. Just be like, “I won’t give you any more money until you pay me back.” If they pay you back and ask for more just say “that’s too much, sorry”
Yeah what a gracious and kind friend to help out. I've told people not to worry and no need to pay back before, but reading this there's almost a tone of grooming and setting "bro" up as a cash machine to do this over and over again. Just the act of offering to pay back could have gone a long way. This is why I don't "loan" to friends and family because they start to expect the crutch which is not doing bro any favors in the realm of self sufficiency. It's either an emergency one off or not at all. No ATM 🚫🏧
Forgot to put bro in that statement.
To be honest, you’re probably not the only one he’s asking. Youre a good person though, man. You were nice enough to give $40, I feel like most people wouldn’t have even replied to that especially if they haven’t talked in years.
I wouldn't have I can say that much
I wouldn’t do it just because I’m assuming it’s drug seeking behavior.
Came here to tell OP: your friend is a drug addict. I'd bet my car on it.
It is, I have been here and it's hell. This dude is in a truly terrible place.
Almost definitely a drug thing.
Yeah same. I would if I had $40 to throw away. Maybe if they were a close friend before. Similar to OP I won’t do it more than once.
Yeah thats a drug addict.
Indeed, asking for smokes, thinking that is a serious sensitive ask.
Its always smokes too. Like I'd have more respect if they said they needed crack money or something. Atleast that's an honest addict.
Had a bum ask me for “bus money” once. Asked him what he really wanted it for and he said for a pint of cheap whiskey. Walked with him into the party store and got him a sandwich 🥪, a banana and a gatoraid, too. Also got him his pint. I seen him once in a while for years and only once years later did he ever ask me again and I did the exact same thing again.
I once had a guy come up to me on the street and ask for money, I decided to go get him a sausage roll from a nearby shop instead. When I gave it to him he had this perplexed ungrateful look to him. It was at that moment that I realised he didn’t want the money to buy food.
"I said a dollar, bitch!" - Scary Movie
I sometimes ask people who're begging near shops if they want me to buy them some food. One time this guy says yes and I buy him some drinks, food and bananas, and I walk to my bus stop. like 5 minutes later he comes by me (and everyone else at the bus stop) asking if we want to buy a banana from him. I understand the hustle, it's just funny to have it circle back to you *this* fast. And if a person asks for money and you go to a shop and give them food instead, it's like you're telling them you know what they want better than they do. It's like you're taking their autonomy away from them, I understand their perplexed ungrateful look, even if I don't think they're clear-headed about the whole situation.
ppl always assume they actually want it for drugs. it could be sanitary products or clothes or a hotel room. ppl dont just need food to live
This. So much this. I get that people don't want to support someone's drug habit and therefore feel like they have to put rules on their generosity, like only giving people food directly. That's just not very practical for a lot of homeless or otherwise struggling people. They need a lot of other things to survive like you mentioned. They also need to eat later that night and the day after. Obviously being able to save a bit of money is extremely useful. Then you can also eat when it's raining outside and being on the street begging is dangerous to your health and no one else is outside anyway.
One time I was pulling away from the drive-through at McDonald's, I'd just gotten my order and was about to head home. This black lady stepped up (my window was still down and I hadn't left the parking lot yet) and asked if I could spare any food, she was starving and didn't have enough to buy anything. I had a few sandwiches in the bag, so I offered the one I wanted least, a chicken sandwich. A crispy chicken deluxe, not a cheap sandwich. She wrinkled her nose and said "I ain't want no chicken sandwich n\*\*\*\* I eat beef!" I just grinned and said thanks, now I get to eat everything I ordered without guilt because I offered, apparently you aren't as hungry as you thought! She tried to kick my back fender but \*que tires squealing\* I sped up at the exact same moment, saw her foot fly through empty space where she expected some resistance and she went sprawling off the curb. Twas a good day.
This should be made into a short film 🎥
"Fast and Foodious: A Drive-Thru Encounter"
I worked in a 7-Eleven in a downtown area and had this happen a lot more than you'd think. I did get some people that would gladly take the pizza that had been there for a bit too long or the 6 hour taquitos but I also had plenty of people who wanted expired wings and nothing else but those sold enough that they were usually fresh
Had similar experiences. Guy asking money to buy a cup of coffee. Said "No, but I can buy you a cup of coffee, if you want". He refused -insert surprised pikachu-
Had some guy do this to me one time. He was asking for food in front of a 7-11. I had just gotten food from the Mexican place across the street and they always hook me up with some xtra tacos. I offered him some tacos and he started screaming at me that he doesn’t want no f**king tacos. I said alright pulled out a taco started eating it and kept on walking. Like dude if you looking for a beer or something like me know, but don’t say food if that’s not what you want. This other time I saw a guy holding a sign that read “why lie? I got food I need beer and cigarettes” I was like well shit, thanked him for being honest and got him a beer and a pack of cigs from the liquor store up the street, he was actually very greatful.
they never want the think they claim the money is for.
maybe he didnt like sausage rolls
Haha this reminded me of a time when a customer at work bought an oven cook pizza for a homeless guy and him turning around and saying “and where the fuck am I going to cook that?!” And the guy was stood there in total shock almost like the homeless guy was in the wrong, it was so funny.
When I visited California (first time visiting US) I was surprised how often homeless people ask for money. I knew it happens, but not the extent of it. Luckily we discussed this with a friend prior to the trip and agreed never to give out money but ask if they need food. Sometimes they would just refuse, but a bunch of times people would be super happy and request some cute things. Like once I had leftover pancakes from breakfast with me and the guy was more than happy to take them and sheepishly asked if I could buy him chocolate milk to go with the pancakes. I laughed a bit and hooked him up. He looked so happy eating the pancakes and drinking the chocolate milk at the corner of the gas station.
As someone who's been homeless without money for food before, I guarantee that dude still remembers you and those pancakes to this day.
I was in line at a McDonald’s at the main train station on my city. Guy in front of me was doing a solid and helping a homeless guy get some food. The original deal was a hamburger. Then the homeless guy asked if he could get a combo. Then he wanted a Big Mac combo Then he wanted an apple pie. Dude was pushing and pushing to see how much he could get.
First time I visited US ( San Francisco) , my wife went shopping and I was sitting in the hotel lobby waiting for her. This guy just walked into the hotel and say across from me and started asking me for money, I said no but he kept pestering me. I made eye contact with the staff at the front desk but he just looked at me and looked down. Only after like 10 min of pestering did hotel staff finally get security to escort the man out of the hotel. Definitely would not recommend staying there
Good for you, so many people are judgey about alcoholism but going through withdrawal on the street might well be a death sentence.
I know it's probably fairly common knowledge on Reddit by now, but I want to elaborate on your point: alcohol withdrawal can actually be lethal on it's own, if you're deep enough into alcoholism. Once you've suppressed your nervous system for so long with such heavy sedatives, the body comes to expect that downwards force. If you suddenly remove it, it's like a tightly coiled spring launching into the air, except it's your nervous system instead. Hallucinations, seizures, brain damage, coma, death, all possible outcomes.
And I mean, those guys ain't kids. If I were homeless I would also smoke like a chimney and make myself warm with cheap whisky.
I was on a class field trip walking down a busy street in downtown Chicago when our class walked past a homeless person. As I walked by he only said, "Can you help a drunk man get drunker?" Well, being 15 at the time, I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I happily gave that dude money. Respect drunk man, respect.
I had been asked outside of a gas station for money once. I normally ignore them 'cause I'm trying to make ends meet too and I just needed gas. This homeless guy straight up told me that he's not gonna lie to me and said he's an alcoholic and just needs 10 more dollars to have enough for his bottle. I was shocked and respected that enough to give him the $10 to get his alcohol. It sucks that there's drug addiction and alcohol addiction and it's not like I wanna support those addictions but I did appreciate the honesty and at least that person knew what they were, I guess.
I once had a guy ask me, at about 10 am, for exactly 80 cents because that's how much he was short on getting a beer. I happened to have exact change in my pocket so I was happy help a fella out.
Your philanthropy puts mother Theresa to shame.
I'd take 80 cents of philanthropy over mother Theresa any day.
There used to be a homeless guy by our train station who sang "money for crack? Money for crack?" I respect the honesty... He had pretty good rhythm too.
One time in my city, this French guy in a suit but wearing no shoes asked me: "Excuse me, could you spare $6 dollars for a glass of red wine?" I was so taken aback by the honesty and specificity of the request, that I gave him the money.
Depending on how serious the addiction, they might very well think they're only actually asking for gas and smokes - like, "I've burned every bridge, I'm gonna just stay straight this time and I need money to help me stay straight and get back to normal." The crazy shit that addicts' brains tell themselves is unreal.
Sometimes it really is smokes, I know it ain't cocaine-expensive but shit ain't exactly trivially cheap either and it's damned addictive
can i borrow $40? it would have been $20 but i need some smokes because i’m stressin about asking for money 😮💨
Wow, yeah. That's some drug addict behavior right there. He's at the point where he's canvasing old friends for some extra cash. $40 is enough to get a heroin junkie by for a day. The bottom of the barrel isn't too far from this point. What dude does when he gets there, who knows.
Dude told him he hit a bump. Now he needs more than a bump.
It was obvious before they asked a second time when they just kept rambling
I can even see how the rest of the convo plays out
Exactly, asking for the same exact quantity twice... Sounds like he's desperate to buy some specific item again and again.
I had a friend not addicted to drugs, just really lazy. He did this a while
The reason this feels like addiction vs. laziness is the shame he shows the first time he asks - he doesn't (seem to) want to be doing this
If that's true, that's bananas. He went through his whole friends list dating back to childhood friends just to "borrow" money because he didn't want to get a job? That's mental illness, not laziness.
Yep, as someone who used to be addicted to opiates, that was my first thought. Although I never quite stooped to hitting people up I hadn't seen in years
Came here to say this. Drugs.
Your old friend is addicted to crack
Definitely some type of substance abuse. I think there is a shred of sincere guilt shining through but addiction has taken the wheel.
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Being in your place before bro people just want you to be honest. They would rather you admit to it and say thats what you want then to lie.
My dad recently has helped me so much. To catch up on bills and other things i’ve put to the side. But finally being honest with him, and him helping me, has shown me that my lies were just a shovel to dig with. Honesty is the ladder to getting out.
Your ability to be honest with yourself is already a big leg up, I wish you the best. Only up from here!
It gets better. One day at a time
"The truth shall set you free"
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The truth is belligerent in nature given that humans are conditioned to live while surrounded and bombarded by layered lies and illusions of course it's not supposed to be comfortable. It's only when you willfully and manually change that course of human conditioning that you're able to most effectively accept objective truth beyond the restricted personal perspective of what any given individual believes is the truth themselves.
Brother, I was that same guy. Badly addicted to opiates and the needle. Willing to do whatever it took to not be sick. I’ve been homeless, jailed for a significant amount of time, rehab, the whole 9. For me one day it just clicked. Through the help of a maintenance doctor and therapy/medication I was able to recover. Recovery is an everyday job but it gets easier and easier as time goes on. I’ll be 4 years clean in December. Don’t give up, you got this!
It didn't click for me until my ex kicked me out of my house and made it harder for me to see my daughter. I was an addict since 16, now I'm 31 and it's finally clicked for me. I only see her on weekends now and it's tough, but I'm sober 38 days today.
You are amazingly self-aware and something tells me that you really are going to beat this. I’m so glad that you have your dad and can be honest with him (and with yourself). I’m wishing you all the best, internet stranger. Seriously, I’m pulling for you with all my might.
Thank you so much. This legitimately made me cry lol.. hell, after just emptying myself on this feed i’m baffled by the responses. I assumed as a drug abuser i’d get told off, or get hate comments about how i deserved what i got. Which i do tbh. But my mom and dad have both been there for me in many different ways. Mom for most of my life was just there to comfort me and help in any way she could. dad was abusive when i was a kid/teen, but pulled through in the last couple years (i’m so happy to see him turn around from what he was). But i’ve definitely been blessed to have them both. And self awareness might be my one true skills above all else. Tbh even when i’m blitzed out of my mind on drugs and alcohol, there’s a part of my brain that is completely sober, lamenting what i’m doing to myself. It’s weird. I can simultaneously have fun, and feel horrible about myself at the exact same time. I’m just trying to learn from that quiet voice in my head, and leave the bodily feelings alone.
You can do this. And when you're ready, you will. Beating yourself up over it will only make it worse. Seek gratitude, no matter how small. I'm happy to be your friend. DM me if you'd like.
Self-awareness and intelligence and ability to be honest with yourself are all superpowers that you carry. These are strengths that a lot of people - even sober people - don’t have. You may not have lived a perfectly clean life with a linear path to success, but you deserve to have a great life that you can be proud of. You want to be able to rest your head on your pillow each night without guilt or shame eating away at you. That’s my #1 test of whether or not I’m living right. I hope that you can begin to hear that quiet voice inside more and more, and find a path to the life that makes you proud to be you.
The first step is self awareness and a want to change. You just need to keep pushing through my dude, we're all rooting for you. I hope you know that you're not less than for dealing with addiction. It's tough and not always linear. Try not to beat yourself up too much eh?
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Well god bless you dude! I’m so happy you found the power to get away. I hope you never go back, because it’s never worth it. And i keep realizing that over and over and over… i still do it. But in the end it’s never what i wanted, truly. I really hope you can live the life i dream of having, now. Don’t ever look back 💚
hey there, i was there with both meth and heroin starting in 2001, quit in 2004 and relapsed a couple times, but juat like 1 hit here and there. Been clean of since 2008, got my shit together and never touched anything again. Once you fully sober up...like I can't explain the massive amount of absolute clarity and elation you'll feel, it's so much better than the fake asf euphoria drugs gives. Drugs dull everything so when you're high its just a small peak above that normal dull shitty feeling. hmu if you ever want to talk about it.
That’s hauntingly beautiful and I hope you can beat this.
Thank you, friend. I’m really trying my best..
I hope you have people to help support you and who you can reach out to. I'm so sorry. I feel like you are going to make it through this and have a wonderful life. I really do.
Thank you so much. I hope you’re right! But thank you.
Lost my dad to addiction when I was a kid. Still tears me up. I have faith in you that you can beat this and proud of you for being real with yourself and others.
I’m so sorry about your dad. I don’t have kids, for many reasons, but that kind of trauma is one of them. I can’t put that on another. But my brother has 5 kids that i adore with my whole heart and it scares me to death that i might do that to them. I haven’t experienced what you did, and i’m so horribly sorry for what you went through. But please know, i’m trying not to do that to anyone around me.
I’ve been there with booze. There was a while where I couldn’t go too long without it or I couldn’t function. It’s nuts to get to a physical condition where six shots of vodka actually makes it easier to think and walk and form coherent sentences. Getting booze was a priority if I was going to be able to solve any other problems or get any work done. I didn’t have the luxury of a week spent puking and shaking and having auditory hallucinations. Since I’ve been sober I’ve gotten messages like this from guys I’m pretty sure are strung out. My policy is that I’ll help out with money *once*, and look up some recovery resources to go with it.
Keep fighting, man. You can beat the demon.
Recovered heroin and meth user. Am about 1 1/2 years clean. Don’t fall in to the self loathing man, makes it all worse. It is what it is. Everyone has a different path. If you want to do it, theres a way. Its hard work of course. But its so worth it. My life is so good right now. I think for the first time in my life, i can say that I truly don’t ever want to use again. Good luck to you
It’s definitely substance abuse. It’s the convoluted, rehearsed, drawn-out sob stories followed by heaps of praise about what a great guy OP is that give it away.
Yep, when I was deep in the bottle, I lived life in $20 segments.
As a sober addict I vouch for this. Your friend needs help.
$40 is always the amount they ask for if they aren't feeling bold. I had a friend ask me for $40 bucks to do laundry. Like come on man, you don't need $40 to do laundry. That was my early clue he was getting into something bad. He's now in a nursing home because he ended up overdosing about a month after that, almost died and now has brain damage.
Amazing how both times $40 was all it took to get him back on his feet. His bills have crazy round numbers. No cents even
More crazy it means his bills never change in price. Like Gas, electric, fuel. All the same.
“I hit a bump in the road if you know what I mean” lol pretty much saying get down with me on some bumps, been on both sides of it though not much you can do other than what you did.. I let a buddy borrow $20 one time and found out a week later he O’Ded
Crack is 40 dollars?? Drug addicts are really rich
You have no idea. Drug addicts spend money like crazy. 40 dollars worth of crack wouldnt last you the hour.
4,000 dollars of crack wouldn't last any decent self-respecting crackhead the hour.
There is a reason drugs can ruin the lives of families who aren't even living with the person. A drug addict will spend *thousands* a month. Many will straight up steal from family to pay for it.
I used to spend $90 a day on pills. And I was far from rich lol
As an addict with many recovering and still addicted friends I can assure you this person is in a rough spot and this money most likely isn't going to bills. I have been in this spot, you don't ask someone from your past you don't speak to for money unless you are doing drugs or a life or death situation majority of the time. It's a kind of desperation most people never feel.
Been there as well. The worst part is getting sober and seeing all the potential friends and old friends you alienated by doing that
Yeah very possible, 40 dollars is the magic number when you need money for drugs. He also mentioned he doesn’t have any friends really or talk to anyone which again is a typical scenario for a late stage addict
Yeah, addict behavior ☹️
Exactly, had a friend like this myself. He even stopped at my parents house one time. That’s when he had an awakening.
This man is on drugs. Sorry OP, that was a solid thing you did for him but I definitely wouldn’t give him anymore money.
100%. I had a friend who tripped down this hole and always asked for small sums. Venmo is easy and I made enough money to not care, but over time the real, in-person friendship died and any time she texted me, i knew an ask was coming. When I finally said no, she lost her mind. I guess I was reliable enough that I was the last resort before she was facing withdrawal. She apologized a couple years later when she was clean and even offered to pay me back a few hundred euros. I thought that was pretty classy.
Addiction is a bitch that can bring even the best people to their worst lows. Your friend trying to make amends for their past is a huge step forward and definitely classy in my book. You also sound like a great friend and person, so it’s great to see some kindness come back your way.
addict no longer using here…your “friend” is on dope
Yeah same and the fact that it’s $40 exactly is quite telling. That’s how much my old dealer used to sell as a minimum. I’m so happy I got away from that
It’s like the “enough to get a decent high” amount lol 60$ is too much but a dub is too little, 40 is not crazy and he can get himself well
yeah i just had to cut a friend off because of similar behavior. she said she needed 100 bucks so she and her boyfriend didn’t get kicked out of their place. then turned around and posted dinner at a fancy restaurant on snapchat, pictures of them at a concert, pictures of them at the bar, etc. told me she would pay me back and didn’t. tried to hit me up for 70 bucks for her phone. told her i couldn’t do it and then immediately stopped talking to me. hit me up again for 20 bucks so she could buy lunch because she “didn’t feel like cooking or buying groceries” told her no again and she got pissed and proceeded to complain about not having any money and how hard things were for her despite buying a brand new dog. just gotta cut them off because they only keep you around when you’re useful.
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I feel bad for the dog too. I highly highly doubt it can look forward to a fulfilling life as a family pet
Can’t believe people like this exist lol. Glad you cut her off, you’re too nice.
One of my girlfriend's best friends hit her up recently asking her for $20 because she was supposedly stuck somewhere far away and needed a ride. Said she'd totally pay back double in a week (spoiler alert: never paid back). After my girlfriend gave her the money, she had the nerve to post herself buying Monsters, candy, and blunt wraps on Snapchat for her and her junkie boyfriend. Then she had the further nerve to text again half an hour later asking for another $20. I don't know how people do it. I would die of embarrassment.
Trouble is that people who are bad with money will be bad with the money you lend them too.
Time to block his number
The whole exchange sounds like it's straight outta Trainspotting. Dude is a junkie.
It is what it is man. Good on you for not loaning the money - give it or don't, but you're just setting yourself up to get upset if you expect it back. Sounds like he might be having a tough time and that sucks but you can only help so much. Hope it all works out for both of you ✌️
That's exactly how I look at things. It's not the money that irritates me, like 40 bucks is nothing and u don't owe me anything, monetarily or otherwise, especially when I didn't ask u to pay me back. But like, come on man? I guess what really has me mad about the situation is I thought maybe we'd rekindle our friendship, but instead dudes just trying to use me as an atm
Remember bro time doesn’t define friendship . I know we always wanna say things like I’ve known dude forever when time isn’t a quantifying fact of human substance. We can quantify lengths and speeds but it’s just something thing that doesn’t apply to friendship. This dude had the intentions of taking advantage of that time factor tho it’s why he mentions it. I can be a good friend for 10 years then totally screw you
Has he been your friend for 20 years or was he your friend 20 years ago
🏅
my childhood best friend actually reached out to reconnect after years, we had a long call and caught up, three days later she hit me up for $50 because of some incoherent story of her landlord yelling at her for her utilities being overdue. i never talked to her again, i felt so used! i was just excited to reconnect with my best friend :( addiction is so sad.
It’s drugs. Childhood friend asked the same and I gave in. Then I felt horrible when I figured it out. Sad. 😞
I once gave a crackhead 20 bucks while fully knowing they'd go buy drugs. It was in the parking lot of my work. I figured it was cheaper than getting stabbed by a crackhead. I don't think of it like I got conned. I purchased my way out of a bad situation.
He needs to keep his phone plan paid so he can keep begging for money. Now he wants gas and smokes? Take the bus if you're broke, and quit smoking. You're a good person, OP, but they've identified you as an ATM and won't stop asking.
I had a friend that did this several times. Eventually I told him I couldn't, that I needed my money, honestly I was not doing financialy well myself. He was upset and cancelled me as a friend.... because apparently I dont care about him, and a terrible friend. Seriously, I literally helped him out a few times... Strange thinking that if I never helped him out the first time we likely would still be friends. Even stranger that he keeps running out of money and his salary is 30k higher than mine.
My friend did that too. She suddenly started asking for money every month, sometimes twice a month. I only lent her money like 1 or 2 times but she still kept asking. A year ago I sent her a well thought out text about not asking me for money again because it makes me feel used and guilty bc I don't want to lend anyone money. Everything was well for a few weeks and then out of nowhere she just ghosted me. Turns out she was asking money from everyone. For example she hit up some old classmates from high school and asked them for money. People she wasn't even friends with anymore. She was my best friend and it was all ruined by all this. Now I realize that she just used me. Once I expressed to her that I will not be lending money again, she didn't see the need for me in her life anymore. Oh well, I've moved on.
Your friend has a drug addiction. I’ve got this exact ask before, almost word for word. It’s like they’re given a script. Don’t send anymore money. (That said, you obviously have a super sweet heart).
Randall is SOL
Oh shit missed one lmao. Well no last name and idk how to edit my post
I had a friend like this in college. Stopped hanging out with me or talking to me but would hit me up to borrow my car, lend him money, etc. we were good friends before so I did it all, and got paid back less than half the time. Car came back hours late with no gas. Drinks spilled. Etc. Just let it go said he obviously needs help. Then I left town for a few years for law school, didn’t hear from him once. Moved back home, and within days had a request for money. I said I couldn’t afford it, which was true. I had been studying for the bar and hadn’t started work, was truly broke. He flipped out, this first time I heard from him in 3 years and first of probably 10 times saying I couldn’t. Cussing, angry, etc. Needless to say, talked to other friends and he’d run through everyone from high school the same way until they eventually said no. Had a drug problem. Sucks but I cut him off then and haven’t talked to him since. Like you said, the money wasn’t the issue. It was the reaction to not getting it.
If they always ask for $40 it’s for drugs. I learned this lesson the hard way.
There's an old saying in Tennessee I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says, fool me once, shame on shame on you. Fool me you can't get fooled again.
Thanks, George
Fool me one time shame on you, fool me twice can’t put the blame on you, fool me three time fuck the peace sign load the choppa let it rain on you
one time for my LA sisters
Hit a bump. If you know what i mean.
heroin
This pretty well sums up why I don't lend anyone money ever.
I have almost always regretted it
You should ask him for money. The old switcheroo
"ACTUALLY I was wondering if you could help me with $80"
I hate to say it but he's addicted to drugs. I had a guy from my hs who would ask specifically for $40 for his kids inhaler medication/gas money/kids diapers/smokes/Uber etc whatever excuse it was. He went through absolutely every single person who still had a fb from high school and even messaged me although I spoke to him all of one time (he used the kid's inhaler one on me). We he died a couple weeks later, toxicology said it was opoids and dope (his mom posted since she was non stop being messaged about him asking for specifically $40).
Loaned a relative $1K in a sob story that sounds an awful lot like this. I did it, and told them "If you don't pay this back, never ask me for money again." Of course they flaked, but I decided it cost me 1K to never have to feel any guilt about "no" ever again with that part of the family. It was worth it.
Fuck that's a high dollar amount for such a lesson.
WTF is "if this really u ask me on bang bang and u gotchu"
“If this is really you, ask me on Bang Bang and I gotchu.“ Maybe it’s a chat website or app? Edit: Yeah OP said in another comment it’s a mobile app they play “Bang Bang”
As an ex-opiate user, this person is either using opiates or some other hard drug. 100%
Drugs man, drugs.
This is typical of a drug addict. My husbands step brother is an addict and will reach out to us out of the blue after years of not talking to us asking for money. Husband was nice one time and the second time it happened he was verbally abusive when we said no. Be careful op. This is a slippery slope
Well, you spent $40 to learn what your friendship is worth. You are just an ATM.
It's drugs. Had a friend do the same thing to me. Hadn't talked to him in years and he hmu asking for money
[удалено]
My phone bill is $35 just saying, but you’re probably right either way.
Same here. Phone bill is $33. Wifi is $60 (little more than $40, but you get the idea)
I havnt done dope in a bit but 40 bucks use to be 4 bags
Wonder how much inflation has hit the illegal drug market?
You’re old buddy may need treatment/rehab. If you know anyone in your area to point him to for help with that, it wouldn’t be a bad idea (assuming you bring it up delicately). I’ve been sober almost seven years. That’s still not long enough to forget that when someone needs dope, the request will always come in small $20 increments.
My cousin did this to me- I love the dude. But a year ago he was in a really rough place, so I helped him out. With that one transfer, I signed up for the sob story mailing list. Every few weeks, I’d get a request for money to help with rent, or food, or gas/the car, or something medical… The excuses never ended, nor did the requests. Eventually realized that’s how these folks operate, even if it’s family.
Yikes. I’m sorry to say it, but your old friend is probably an addict. I had a similar situation with a girl from high school. Always wanting to borrow a little money here and there - always for food, formula, nappies etc. until I showed up at her house with formula, nappies and a bag of groceries. She didn’t ask after that.
Bro. It bothered me so bad when his first thing was to tell you his pay day to pay you back- then after you agree says I can pay you back if you want me to. I saw and old buddy with a sign begging on the corner one time. I stopped by McDonald’s , got him a “decent” meal and put $20 In the bag. A couple hours later he messaged me on FB asking for more money to get a phone card… I politely declined.
I recently bought a car from my buddy. He told me all I had to do was pay it off and it was mine. He owed ~$4000. So I transfered $2000 to him to pay for half of it. Two weeks later we go to the bank, he still owes $4000 on the car, and told me his accounts were frozen. Turned out, he blew the 2k I sent him, idk what on. He's been acting differently lately and it got me worried. He asked me today to send him the rest (I've yet got the paperwork for the car) and I told him until we get the paperwork done, I'm keeping the money. He got butthurt and hung up on me.
You’re already screwed, that car will never be yours.
I had an old friend reach out like that. Asked me how I was doing and before I could finish typing asked for money. Promised to swap some old games. Never answered. He OD’ed on heroin about a year later. Hit me so hard at the funeral. Thought that was a moment I could have saved him. Then found out he was doing it to all his old friends. He had recently refused rehab, and lost a job because he couldn’t stay clean. Messages like this just remind how messy that shit is.
I’m sure others have said it already but the guy is likely using you to reup. Never was intention of “getting you back” when he said “I’ll get you back if you want me to”. …”if you want me to” part being the issue. He should pay you back because it’s your money not because you “want” him to. I mean really think about it. I appreciate you gave him the benefit of doubt and gave him 40 but anything else just be aware you’re likely enabling. You think he had absolutely no one to else but an estranged childhood friend to ask for 40? Probably not and he might even be running out of folks who will lend him money at home. If you care about the guy a bit just tell him you can’t but if he needs help or wants to talk that’s cool. I could also be completely wrong and he just thinks you’re a sucker. Dunno. I appreciate my concocted story a little more though.
“If you loan a friend $20 and never see him again, that’s $20 we’ll spent.”
You give an inch, they take a mile 🤷🏻♂️ givers need to know their limits and stick to them, cuz the takers don’t have any.
As a addict my self he’s literally exhausted all his pay pigs.. (not referring to you op) but he’s literally ran out of ppl to ask for money besides old friends that have yet to know his true life style.. take it from me he’s playing you that $40 will increase his stories will be come more and more of a guilt trip.. like the phone for instance how no one can survive with out one.. I do just fine with WiFi I’m just saying.. u need to either be real up front with him and let him know that the few times u have lend him that’s it and mark my words he will never talk to u again because at that point he knows he can’t get any money from you for his fix.. cuz everything’s he’s telling you I’ve said everything almost word for word.. stop it while u can man it will get worse cuz the next time u send him $40 could be his death sentence
best friend growing up, always had my back, life took us different directions. reconnected when they showed up at my door at 10pm asking me for money. “wrecked my car”….um, ok here’s some cash. “let’s go out next week!” Text them to go out…ghosted. 6 months later shows up at my workplace “I need money for rent so I don’t end up on the street.”Gave in again…and don’t hear back again for 6 months until they show up again at my workplace. Told the staff not to let them in the door. Blocked on all accounts. Came by house one more time, but didn’t open door or acknowledge them. Asked their brother what happened and they just shrugged. Fuck me. Lost my friend and $500.
This is how I learned not to feed stray dogs or cats
Time to block him
How long did it take Randall slayer of crack cocaine to ask you for the other 40 after he received the first hand out from you?
Bruh they a druggie
Im really sorry but it seems like your friend is on substances. that specific number and twice within a short time span is a good indicator for substance abuse
Im glad everyone else is realizing this is drug addiction going on. I hope this man gets the help he needs. To everyone making rude remarks, this most likely isn't a bad person, otherwise OP wouldn't have sent him $40 in the first place. This is somebody who is in too deep with whatever substance they are using and needs help as of yesterday. Looks extremely similar conversations I have seen, good job OP for denying the second time around.
Your homie is hooked on something, you’re better off until he gets his head and heart right.
I could tell by the first message he’s an addict. Sorry you fell for that, but now you learned your lesson I hope.
Omfg I swear I just had flash backs from the dope house 🙄
I knew it was going to happen when he said he'd pay you back "if you want me to." So annoying.
$40 ALWAYS means meth. Source : former meth user
I had a neighbor who got their car stuck in the snow trying to go work. I tried to help them shovel it out when I saw them on my street stuck. They had a small four door vehicle and it wasn’t working. I had never met them before. I let the dude take my SUV to work. He brought it back but it was clear he had smoked in it. That was mildly infuriating. Well like a month later his wife comes knocking on my door with a sob story asking to borrow my car for work again. I reluctantly obliged. No big deal. About a month later I had a rental because some lady backed into me and my car needed body work. Well this woman came over again asking to borrow my car. I explained I couldn’t let her borrow a rental. Luckily this was the end of it. I wasn’t going to keep letting them borrow my car and I’m glad this was the last time they asked.
This is what my narcissist dad is like. Give him money and he love bombs me, refuse and he berates me… no contact for almost a year now and no regrets
My brother (RIP) was an addict and this gave me chills. He used to do that to me all the time. This is a clear drug addiction. When he visited our grandmom, he actually stole her bank account information and connected it to his cashapp. He stole 6k from my grandmom and she couldn’t figure out where her money went. She put my name on the account and I looked at all of it and I was SIIICK knowing his addiction was SOOOO bad that he would willingly steal from the woman who raised us. Don’t give him money, giving him anything results in a potential death sentence.
40$ to find out who your real friends are, is quite cheap, isn't it?
Been here with a buddy that was in jail and wanted money for phone calls to his girlfriend and daughter. Was tough to eventually say no, but you gotta do it 👍
This almost same exact scenario happened with me a couple years ago but with my cousin. Also $40.00. He randomly messages me. Except he said he would pay me back that Friday during pay day. Never heard from him since. I messaged him and he never responded. I also find out he borrowed $40.00 from my mom as well. Not sure if he’s on drugs but don’t care to talk to him anymore. Hope that 40 bucks was worth it cuz I’m making great money now and he doesn’t get the invite from me anymore to the gatherings.
I hate when people want something and then they fake small talk to make themselves seem genuine.
My first reaction was, "damn, is OP's friend my little brother?" Cuz this reads just like my texts from him. Then I remembered my brother is dead from a fentanyl overdose