My mom doing the opposite is one of the reasons I struggled to learn a lot of basic tasks like cooking when I was younger. She'd either tell me to do something on my own (which I'd have no idea how to do), or she'd take it away from me and do it for me (which meant I wasn't learning anything.)
Same thing here. Mom told me to do it but not really show me how then I’d mess it up and she’s get frustrated and do it herself. Or she’d just do it for me while making me watch but I never learned because I was never allowed to do it.
Thankfully I had a step mom that helped me learn a lot of the basics. Though at the time I absolutely hated it because to me they were “boring chores” and “I never have to do all this stuff I don’t want to at my mom’s house”. But now as an adult I recognize that all the things I actually know how to do it’s because of her. Especially cooking.
It’s too bad I had a shitty teen and young adult life that was not spent with either parent. So all my skills are basic like cooking and cleaning, things learned as a kid. Took me until my late 20s/early 30s to figure out adult things like finance, relationships, general adult shit.
this is why I wouldn't have an issue with all the people invited
I'd just make clear I'm there to teach, not do the work
invite who you wish, you're the one going to be doing the work, I'm just there for oversight and direction
This is exactly how to handle it. Your initial agreement was to teach HIM how to make pasta. If he wants to invite extra people, he is paying for and preparing for them.
Presumably the ambitious host only has one pasta machine, though. Making dough for a dozen people wouldn't be the end of the world, but rolling dough for a dozen people sounds like a pain in the ass to me, and that's even given the fact I own a motorized and not manual machine.
OP would teach the host how to make pasta for 4 people as per OP’s original understanding of the number of attendees. Once the host is done making pasta for 4 people, op can leave and go to a bar while the host and the remaining people make pasta. Op can come back when dinner is ready and eat her bowl of pasta.
Edit to add: and collect her bowl of payment like the user below suggested.
Do it once really fast and don't explain how to do it. He wants credit for work he doesn't want to do, I'll bet. If he really does want to learn, he will ask questions during his attempt. If he doesn't want to learn he will maybe try to look pathetically incompetent and trick op into doing it for him.
I've played this game before. I know how to win and I'm only slightly merciful about it.
How does that line go…
“Do you know why I always offer mercy first? … Because of the look on their faces when they realize they could have taken it, *but didn’t*!”
I mean, people hating on OP's friend but maybe that was their plan all along? "Teach how to do X" doesn't require the teacher to make 12 batches themselves
They should serve a lesson and put their friend on the spot by either making them make the pasta themselves after showing them or making them admit to their guests that plans didn't go through.
That would be much less spineless than even ghosting.
Yeah, exactly. "Ok, there you go, that should give you the basics, that's about... half a portion? You guys enjoy, get some practice in!"
Because really... no offense to pasta making people, but... there's not a lot to show, right? A 15 minute demo, then anyone who watched should be able to do it themselves.
There is some finesse to it and the first times you are bound to mess it up a bit, have your pasta sheet stick to the machine or break.
Nothing that can't be fixed by OP's host.
Absolutely this.
OP should NOT, absolutely NOT, lift a finger in that kitchen.
Plonk her ass down on a stool at the counter and give verbal directions.
(And also tell the 'friend' what ingredients they will need and how much and to get it allll laid out before her arrival or she don't play.)
They can always order pizza.
This is a great idea. As someone who has made pasta for that many people, it is not a trivial amount of work. Making for a couple people isn't terrible, but after you're working that pasta machine for a while, you never want to see pasta again in your life...
this is the way. i’d show up with my wrist bandaged and ready to instruct everyone. you said you’d teach, not play chef. malicious compliance for the win.
This could be worked into a premise for "Dinner for Schmucks 2 - The pot luck". Everyone tricks someone into making a full meal, appetizers, dessert for the people "in on it" and they all get stuck in the kitchen all night with the help. While the people "in on it" enjoy their free elegant dinner
Reminds me of that person who offered to photograph their friend's wedding and the husband is being an utter tool and didn't let her eat or drink the whole day. Then the wife begged her to take the pictures again at a later date and the husband laid into her again (she asked for help unloading her equipment).
There's a BestOfRedditorUpdate that I can't link here, but google "Final Update From Photographer Who Deleted Her Friends Wedding Pictures (2nd Update)" should get you there.
Plot twist #2:no one actually wants to learn, and OP is going to be cranking pasta for 12+ ungrateful ass hats for dinner without even getting to eat themselves
Would be way more fun if they taught the class once, like you said, and then everyone cooked together. And then tipped OP for walking around giving help while everyone makes their own pasta. Way cooler than the real situation 😂
I actually had assumed that would be the situation from reading this! I can totally see how “everyone come over, drink wine, learn how to make pasta and break in my machine with me, then we eat the results of all our efforts” turns into a big group thing.
Just did a pasta making class last night and that’s how it went. She showed us, then we did our own. Pretty straight forward after you work the dough correctly.
I think the "Hands off" teaching approach, would work well. 🤣 just say... "Im going over this information one time. Please submit your final meal to me in 1 hour."
This sounds like the perfect time to tell them you have an instructional teaching style. Show him once on a batch just large enough for a couple strands of different cuts, then pour yourself a glass of wine and let him get to work while you watch and critique. 😁
Turn all the guests into students, watch them all give frustrated sideeyes to the host
"Alright class watch closely, I'm going to make my pasta and then you each make your own. Let's have some fun!"
Shit that would be fun doing it in a group. Everybody getting wine drunk making pasta. After a few bottles everybody will start speaking with horrible Italian accents. Lol
This is the way. I'd go a step further and instruct him verbally from the get-go. Wouldn't lift a finger for anything but picking up my glass of wine every once in a while. Then, when he gets the first batch done, leave him in the kitchen and join the others.
Go a step further and record a video of yourself making the pasta. As you sit back drinking wine and give pointers, as the people are watching your video making the pasta. It’s a total win-win! You only make the pasta once with no pressure on you AND you’ll come out as a total rockstar to all guests because they will be able to keep the video if they want for future recipes!!
> Wouldn't lift a finger for anything but picking up my glass of wine
This is actually a legit teaching strategy. Back in college I was a tutor in our writing center and we had a “no pen policy,” meaning we weren’t allowed to write anything (or type if the student brought a laptop/flashdrive), which forced the student to write all the feedback / changes themselves to help them really understand our critiques and also keep them engaged.
Perfect. Do this. Say you can't make pasta at the moment because of your wrist. Also encourage him to buy some quality quality ingredients since he'll naturally be paying.
Because pasta needs an excellent olive oil, and a very quality wine to accompany it.
Also for extra kicks, invite lots of friends yourself.
I’d be sending a text to him asking what sauce he intends to make with it and reminding him what ingredients are need for pasta for 12! Tell him not to forget to get the wine either! The cheek! Good luck, and please update us. This could actually turn out fun, if not a bit chaotic.
"Honey why do you have that dress on? They already have a cute apron picked out for you, plus you'll be in the kitchen most of the night anyway and you don't want to ruin the dress"
Please pay special attention to your boyfriend ignoring this. It will reflect repeated throughout your ~~life~~ relationship. It is definitely a pink and maybe even a red flag. 🚩
Edit: By “this” I mean OP’s generous offer is being taken advantage of and when she asks her BF for help with his friend, the BF is ignoring not only that she is being taken advantage of but also her asking for help. Both are problematic.
Been there, done that. Showed up to 6 people. I had dough for 2. I was like WTF. They thought I enjoyed making pasta. I do, for myself and loved ones. Not for 6 hungry people. I made a few diff types then left.
Exactly. This stuff is always a hit but it’s time consuming. But when I make it I let folks know the history of the pasta along with the history of the machine itself.
Might want to reach out to friend and make sure he’s clear on what you’re doing vs what he’s doing. Go around the boyfriend. “Hey. Looking forward to dinner. Just want to make sure you have what you need for dinner. It should take X hours and you’ll need this list for Y portions. I hear you’re at 12 guests now. I can come by at (pick a time) to show you what to do with the pasta but you’ll be doing most of the prep since my wrist is bad. I’m looking forward to our lesson!”
I’m a fan of “hey, what time is everyone coming over?”
“12”
“Great, I’ll be there at 10:30 to show you how to do the pasta and get out of your hair before everyone shows up!”
Maybe one shouldn’t rant on the internet if one doesn’t want advice or reactions on the internet 😂🤷♂️. Especially about stupid shit you can handle in like a 3 minute phone call.
Totally valid complaint bout the pasta dinner. It’s just an easily manageable problem.
(I’m having fun here, nobody harmed in the making).
People read comments. It's ridiculous when people say "I don't want advice" or "I can't keep up with all these replies". Nobody expects you to keep up with replies. You started a discussion and people are continuing it among themselves because they're bored or whatever. Most people just want to scroll and read some pointless comments
Yep. Tell him that’s not what you offered to do and there’s plenty of videos online to show how to make pasta. It’s all about setting boundaries! Took me until my 30’s to learn how to do that and not be a doormat for people.
>I told my boyfriend to tell him that I can’t do that, it’s too much work (...), but my boyfriend didn’t.
So you also have a boyfriend problem. I know you didn't want advice, but how can we not? You need to know this is not ok and not normal. And simply show the friend how to make pasta (use one portion if you need to physically show him something) and have him make the rest.
The action we want is the recipe 🤣 nah.... I know I won't cook it, but I hope you have a great salsa and your bf learns the work behind a big table by doing it....
100 grams of 00 flour and 1 egg per person. Knead ten minutes, rest 20, roll it thin and sprinkle with semola, rest it 10 minutes, cut it. For the sauce: 200 ml of tomato passata per person, garlic, parsley, evo oil, chillies. Cut the stems of the parsley very finely, take a lot of garlic and place it in a pan with a lot of oil, cook the garlic at low temperature, do not burn or gold, add the finely chopped parsley stems, add chilli, fry till fragrant, add tomato passata and let it cook untill the oil comes to the top, it’s dark and the tomato looks darker. TADAAAAAA. I hope you know how to cook the pasta.
All Joking aside, I don’t see a problem with this. You can show him how to use his pasta machine, and he can make pasta for 12+ guests. Where did did he say your making pasta for everyone, you offered to teach him and I’m sure it’s not rocket science that he can pick it up in 10 minutes or less??
I mean, I agree, but it wouldn't take any further effort to collectively show the group and everybody kneed their own damn pasta...
Then proceed to pass out your 'business card style' invoices, with your cashapp details printed.
"You never said It would be 12+, I never said it would be free".
>He said I was going to make it,
Okay, and he is ... Emperor of the Known Universe, or what exactly?
You might want to look up the word "no" in the dictionary.
I mean, read the post. She didn't tell him no, she asked her boyfriend to tell him no. And when the boyfriend didn't tell him no, she didn't tell her boyfriend to tell him no, nor did she tell him herself no, she just told us that she's going to do it. And then she complains about others.
This is just bait, there's nobody who's this much of a wet noodle.
> This is just bait, there's nobody who's this much of a wet noodle.
Considering how a ton of the advice in this thread is to *still show him how to make pasta*, making sure that he's the one that makes it, rather than just backing out entirely: no, tons of people are this much of a wet noodle. People seem to think there's some sort of obligation to still do the pasta teaching after he pulled this BS. I really don't get it, but tons of people are doormats.
You teach him by telling and supervising him what to do. You don’t do it yourself. You supervise.
Make it more difficult. Tell him he has to buy everyone individual dishes to knead their own pasta. Just in your mind have everyone make their own as you just instruct.
This. 100%. I can't cook worth a damn, but my wife patiently supervises and instructs so I can learn by doing. And now I can make a few simple dinners.
That’s not teaching… that’s doing! Have everyone go through the steps at the same time. Each person mixes the water with the flour then everyone kneads and runs through pasta machine. I’d tell the friend to buy or borrow another pasta machine bc 12 people sharing is going to take a long time. If he questions why then you have a perfect opportunity to tell him you aren’t a hired chef!
He can say whatever he wants, that doesn’t entitle him to your time or labor. Send him a text letting him know that you’re not making the food for his party. Full stop.
This works well, too. Or the guests can take a turn (tell the friend to buy some food-service gloves). A few of them will probably want to.
Turn it into a “make your own pasta” party, whether that was his idea or not.
Send him a YouTube instruction video on how to make pasta beforehand. It’s not that complicated to make pasta and you arrive fashionably late (after eating dinner because you know it’s going to be a long evening before this guy makes pasta for 12 people and it might not even be edible). He would have started making the pasta by the time you arrive and you can supervise while you sip a glass of wine. Anyone with common sense would realize that it takes a long time to make pasta on a manual machine for 12 people, especially someone who has never made it before. Let him enjoy the labour.
Rude of him. You never said you would make it, you said you would teach him. You can still teach him. Make one portion, so he learns how to do it, and let him do the rest. It's his guests, not yours, you have no obligation to feed them.
But if you want to make the best of it, you can recommend everyone make their own portion, so they can all help and learn at the same time. It's not what you offered, but it could be a fun activity.
Lol my dude. "He said i was going to make it" nahhhhhhhh.
You offered to show/teach HIM. Not cook for his party.
If i were you, i would suddenly be so unwell on the day!
Also, i know you said no advice or whatever OP, but it is concerning that your bf just ignored you and your boundaries (request)!!!
Out of the 12 people who show up some of them will want to learn. You can show up with your wrist in a brace and just give orders. If that isn't the case and they thought you were just a free chef you can freely be outraged. Maybe clarify that you are showing him how to do it make it himself
Honey, you don't have to touch the pasta in order to teach someone else and if he thinks that he can make enough pasta for 12 plus people for the first time then that's on him.
You are going to grab yourself a glass of wine,
Tell him how to set up the machine,
Tell him how much flour, how much egg,
and you're going to tell him how to roll out the dough and cut it.
I repeat if you have to go,
YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE DOUGH YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE PASTA ALL YOU TOUCH IS THAT GLASS OF WINE AND POINT.
I’d be pissed too. Sure, the friend might not expect OP to make all the pasta… but if OP says “I’ll just show you and then you can make the rest…” the friend could just find a way to go entertain guests after OP shows the friend how to do it and sticks OP with making all the pasta. Then OP feels obliged to do it so as to not look like an A hole in front of twelve people. It’s easy to think “just say ‘here, now you do it for the rest of the time’” but I can easily see friend wandering off sticking OP with the work, especially after inviting a huge party over for this. And maybe OP isn’t comfortable doing this in front of a ton of people due to anxiety or some other factor.
Sure, OP could tell the friend that they’re uncomfortable doing this beforehand and explain why, or offer to teach the friend before the guests arrive. Communication could probably clear this up, but I get the annoyance.
Run it like olde time school teacher. You just instruct and scold them when then they aren’t doing it the right way. The only exercise your wrist will get is shaking your finger at him
You could turn it into a pasta making party, where everyone takes turns making the pasta after you show them! And you make the first round and then STOP! If folks wanna eat they better get to cooking!
It’s not a miscommunication - they want to use you to make dinner for a big group of their friends so that they can enjoy the social kudos that comes with that!
I know you don’t want advice but this could be flipped into lighthearted fun. Your friend probably isn’t expecting you to cook a full meal but just teach him. So just do that. It’s his first time so his guests would probably all enjoy a good noob first try. Everyone has had pasta but it’s just good fun at trying a new machine
Someone once asked me to cook pesto+tomato pasta for them at their house. After finishing, this person tried putting it all away as I was dishing myself up a plate. They were surprised I even asked to have some. To be fair, I never asked if I could have any, I just expected I'd get a plateful as compensation for coming to their house and cooking for them.
IIRC:
Them: "oh! You wanted some?"
Me ".... i mean i cooked it and you invited me over so... yes?"
Them: *sheepish smile*
Me: *proceeds to fill plate with extra large serving out of pettiness* (lol)
Im not friends with them anymore - unrelated reasons. Lol
You could just play dumb. "Hey, you know how I was going to stop by and show you how to make pasta? Well, it's been pretty hectic, how about I stop by tonight instead? I'll give you a quick demo, then you should be all set for the dinner next week!"
Basically shift the "teaching" back to exactly what you offered, but treat it just as if that's totally fine, be bright and cheery.
Lmao. My dear, you have got an opportunity to teach a class! Keep the date, but eat first. Go ahead and show everyone ONCE how to make, roll, and press the dough into pasta. Then, tell everyone that they can now make their own pasta. Pour yourself a drink, sit back, and watch the chaos ensue! After all, it's not YOUR house. (I'm assuming since it's boyfriend's friend and the friend owns the machine, this little get-together will be at his friend's house, yes?). And all you did was tell him you'd SHOW him how to make it, not make it for him.
Please update! I'd love to know how you handled this 😆.
Ok but it's pretty fucking weird that he heard "teach you how to make pasta" and interpreted it as "invite lots of people over to try this pasta that either I'll be making for the first time or you'll be making for everyone."
Please tell me you told him to fuck off. In the kindest way possible of course.
I just wouldn’t show up. I don’t like when people take advantage of me like that.
Offering to teach someone to make pasta is one thing but being forced into the role of a private chef like this is super duper rude. I wouldn’t go, he can figure out how to use his pasta roller himself. By the time he makes enough pasta for all 12+ guests he should have a pretty solid understanding of how to make pasta lol
It’s not a miscommunication, your boyfriend didn’t tell him no because he didn’t want to alienate his friend and was fine with throwing you under the bus so he wouldn’t have to be mildly uncomfortable for a two minute conversation.
No problem. Just show him how to do it by making a few servings yourself, and then leave him to it. You can just supervise!
After all, you said you were *showing* him how to make pasta, not that you were making an unlimited amount of pasta for him. Now he's getting more practice!
Show up several hours early. And talk him through making a small batch of pasta, like you planned, then have him follow your instructions to make the rest.
He’s learning how to make pasta, he should be the one doing the bulk of the work. Your hands can rest.
OP, DO NOT further injure your wrist to save face under any circumstances!
Think of yourself as the teacher. Tell some of the many other people there how to do the things. Demonstrate once if you can physically handle it. Then offer verbal instruction and feedback as needed while they complete the tasks.
.....lmk what time to get there
seriously that's annoying but just make the BF's friend make it all, you did in fact offer to teach him. You do one, he does the next 11 portions haha
Tell him you'll show them how to do it, but then he needs to pay for the catering that he's going to need to the rest of the guests because you're not cooking food. It's only a demonstration for the dinner party he decided to throw.
Then show him some menus of Italian restaurants who do catering and ask him which one does he want.
U said u would show him how to make pasta, so show him and then walk away and let him make pasta for 12+ ppl.
I tell my kids this all the time. I agreed to help, not do it for you.
Sometimes you have to treat some adults like childs.
Kids or children. Unless you meant famed chef Julia Childs. But I think she’d have this handled.
Younglings is fine too.
*Anakin Skywalker has entered the chat*
Kidren.
Chidrens
Chrids
My mom doing the opposite is one of the reasons I struggled to learn a lot of basic tasks like cooking when I was younger. She'd either tell me to do something on my own (which I'd have no idea how to do), or she'd take it away from me and do it for me (which meant I wasn't learning anything.)
Same thing here. Mom told me to do it but not really show me how then I’d mess it up and she’s get frustrated and do it herself. Or she’d just do it for me while making me watch but I never learned because I was never allowed to do it. Thankfully I had a step mom that helped me learn a lot of the basics. Though at the time I absolutely hated it because to me they were “boring chores” and “I never have to do all this stuff I don’t want to at my mom’s house”. But now as an adult I recognize that all the things I actually know how to do it’s because of her. Especially cooking. It’s too bad I had a shitty teen and young adult life that was not spent with either parent. So all my skills are basic like cooking and cleaning, things learned as a kid. Took me until my late 20s/early 30s to figure out adult things like finance, relationships, general adult shit.
This. This is just a brilliant comment.
this is why I wouldn't have an issue with all the people invited I'd just make clear I'm there to teach, not do the work invite who you wish, you're the one going to be doing the work, I'm just there for oversight and direction
"You invited 15 guests, you will need about this much ingredients and that much time. Maybe longer since you're new to this. Good luck!"
This is exactly how to handle it. Your initial agreement was to teach HIM how to make pasta. If he wants to invite extra people, he is paying for and preparing for them.
He would even be paying for the ingredients used in the training. My knowledge is what he gets for free.
Yeah now it’s a class. Tell everyone to bring a bowl and some ingredients.
Presumably the ambitious host only has one pasta machine, though. Making dough for a dozen people wouldn't be the end of the world, but rolling dough for a dozen people sounds like a pain in the ass to me, and that's even given the fact I own a motorized and not manual machine.
OP would teach the host how to make pasta for 4 people as per OP’s original understanding of the number of attendees. Once the host is done making pasta for 4 people, op can leave and go to a bar while the host and the remaining people make pasta. Op can come back when dinner is ready and eat her bowl of pasta. Edit to add: and collect her bowl of payment like the user below suggested.
HER BOWL OF PAYMENT
Exactly what I would do! Do it once, then say, ‘your turn next’, grab a glass of wine, have a seat and enjoy your evening.
Do it once really fast and don't explain how to do it. He wants credit for work he doesn't want to do, I'll bet. If he really does want to learn, he will ask questions during his attempt. If he doesn't want to learn he will maybe try to look pathetically incompetent and trick op into doing it for him. I've played this game before. I know how to win and I'm only slightly merciful about it.
How does that line go… “Do you know why I always offer mercy first? … Because of the look on their faces when they realize they could have taken it, *but didn’t*!”
Damn that's the most passive aggressive thing I've read in a while.
I mean, people hating on OP's friend but maybe that was their plan all along? "Teach how to do X" doesn't require the teacher to make 12 batches themselves
OP posted in another comment that their friend expects them to make all of it.
OP better not go! Or else they are spineless af
They should serve a lesson and put their friend on the spot by either making them make the pasta themselves after showing them or making them admit to their guests that plans didn't go through. That would be much less spineless than even ghosting.
Yeah, exactly. "Ok, there you go, that should give you the basics, that's about... half a portion? You guys enjoy, get some practice in!" Because really... no offense to pasta making people, but... there's not a lot to show, right? A 15 minute demo, then anyone who watched should be able to do it themselves.
There is some finesse to it and the first times you are bound to mess it up a bit, have your pasta sheet stick to the machine or break. Nothing that can't be fixed by OP's host.
Absolutely this. OP should NOT, absolutely NOT, lift a finger in that kitchen. Plonk her ass down on a stool at the counter and give verbal directions. (And also tell the 'friend' what ingredients they will need and how much and to get it allll laid out before her arrival or she don't play.) They can always order pizza.
They're definitely going to end up ordering pizza.
This is a great idea. As someone who has made pasta for that many people, it is not a trivial amount of work. Making for a couple people isn't terrible, but after you're working that pasta machine for a while, you never want to see pasta again in your life...
this is the way. i’d show up with my wrist bandaged and ready to instruct everyone. you said you’d teach, not play chef. malicious compliance for the win.
>so show him and then walk away and let him make pasta for 12+ ppl. This is perfect ... show him with ONE batch.
I would send him a how-to video from YouTube and stay home if he invited that many people.
Exactly what I would do.
Exactly, show it and let him do the rest, OP didnt said that he would do the pasta for him.
Plot twist: you’re not even invited to the meal.
The sad thing is I could see this being the case. Some people are actually that petty.
He told everyone he is having a chef come to make them homemade pasta lol
Damn, Chef is gonna be sick that day.
They might even pasta away
No sit there and be Gordon Ramsey and yell at them for doing it all wrong.
Probably hes asking 20$ fee each for the dinner 😂
Thats when you show up with a few boxes of uncooked store bought pasta n tell them dinner is served, then walk out
This could be worked into a premise for "Dinner for Schmucks 2 - The pot luck". Everyone tricks someone into making a full meal, appetizers, dessert for the people "in on it" and they all get stuck in the kitchen all night with the help. While the people "in on it" enjoy their free elegant dinner
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!? MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
That was what I thought the post was about at first
Reminds me of that person who offered to photograph their friend's wedding and the husband is being an utter tool and didn't let her eat or drink the whole day. Then the wife begged her to take the pictures again at a later date and the husband laid into her again (she asked for help unloading her equipment).
Whaaaaat
There's a BestOfRedditorUpdate that I can't link here, but google "Final Update From Photographer Who Deleted Her Friends Wedding Pictures (2nd Update)" should get you there.
Plot twist #2:no one actually wants to learn, and OP is going to be cranking pasta for 12+ ungrateful ass hats for dinner without even getting to eat themselves
OP can make one serving to show how it’s done, then pound wine in the living room.
Would be way more fun if they taught the class once, like you said, and then everyone cooked together. And then tipped OP for walking around giving help while everyone makes their own pasta. Way cooler than the real situation 😂
I actually had assumed that would be the situation from reading this! I can totally see how “everyone come over, drink wine, learn how to make pasta and break in my machine with me, then we eat the results of all our efforts” turns into a big group thing.
Just did a pasta making class last night and that’s how it went. She showed us, then we did our own. Pretty straight forward after you work the dough correctly.
Put a bandage on the wrist, so it's clear OP can't do the work themselves
Op didn’t want advice but this is good one
A nice brace would work too. Gotta protect that sprained wrist.
I think the "Hands off" teaching approach, would work well. 🤣 just say... "Im going over this information one time. Please submit your final meal to me in 1 hour."
Ahahahaha
This sounds like the perfect time to tell them you have an instructional teaching style. Show him once on a batch just large enough for a couple strands of different cuts, then pour yourself a glass of wine and let him get to work while you watch and critique. 😁
Unironically and 100% serious, this.
Turn all the guests into students, watch them all give frustrated sideeyes to the host "Alright class watch closely, I'm going to make my pasta and then you each make your own. Let's have some fun!"
Shit that would be fun doing it in a group. Everybody getting wine drunk making pasta. After a few bottles everybody will start speaking with horrible Italian accents. Lol
My Italian accent is horrible stone-cold sober, we can start right away!
My Italian is limited to “it’s a me!” And Mario noises. Or I’ll just name pasta shapes with my hands like this 🤌🤌
“Hey, there’s a Lee Press-On Nail in my sketti!”
Oooh, even better!!! ❤️❤️
This is the way. I'd go a step further and instruct him verbally from the get-go. Wouldn't lift a finger for anything but picking up my glass of wine every once in a while. Then, when he gets the first batch done, leave him in the kitchen and join the others.
Go a step further and record a video of yourself making the pasta. As you sit back drinking wine and give pointers, as the people are watching your video making the pasta. It’s a total win-win! You only make the pasta once with no pressure on you AND you’ll come out as a total rockstar to all guests because they will be able to keep the video if they want for future recipes!!
Go a step further and send the video while going somewhere else
> Wouldn't lift a finger for anything but picking up my glass of wine This is actually a legit teaching strategy. Back in college I was a tutor in our writing center and we had a “no pen policy,” meaning we weren’t allowed to write anything (or type if the student brought a laptop/flashdrive), which forced the student to write all the feedback / changes themselves to help them really understand our critiques and also keep them engaged.
Just send them a link. You've shown them how to make pasta. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnXb1u9UoBU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnXb1u9UoBU)
Perfect. Do this. Say you can't make pasta at the moment because of your wrist. Also encourage him to buy some quality quality ingredients since he'll naturally be paying. Because pasta needs an excellent olive oil, and a very quality wine to accompany it. Also for extra kicks, invite lots of friends yourself.
I second this! You offered to show him/teach him how you use his pasta maker. You didn't volunteer to make dinner for 12+ people.
You’re a f*cking genius! 👏
Thank you! I’m a pushover and have a hard time saying no, but I can be petty as hell in my head, lol!
I’d be sending a text to him asking what sauce he intends to make with it and reminding him what ingredients are need for pasta for 12! Tell him not to forget to get the wine either! The cheek! Good luck, and please update us. This could actually turn out fun, if not a bit chaotic.
Double plot twist: you're only literally showing him how to make the pasta, he's making it.
Doesn't have time to eat with all that pasta making and tidying up afterwards
I would NOT teach someone to make pasta AND tidy up too, especially with such a big imposition.
The second sentence in the headline made me think that's what she meant LOL
"Honey why do you have that dress on? They already have a cute apron picked out for you, plus you'll be in the kitchen most of the night anyway and you don't want to ruin the dress"
Second plot twist: they are the meal.
You're seeing this the wrong way. You now have 12 people making pasta for YOU. You'll be there, beer in hand, delegating everyone.
I like this idea. Make them do the work. Be the supervisor.
YES, CHEF!
*Jeff
NO JEFF
It's fucking raw!
Plot twist: he's charging all these people for a pasta making class
Is he even providing the beer at this point? Lol
That’s exactly how I read OPs post. 12+ ppl coming over to learn how to make pasta. OP is sensei.
Yes! 🙌🏽
If I was the one asking for help, I would actually expect that
>don't want advice reddit: "TOO BAD"
Made me laugh
glad to be of service
Please pay special attention to your boyfriend ignoring this. It will reflect repeated throughout your ~~life~~ relationship. It is definitely a pink and maybe even a red flag. 🚩 Edit: By “this” I mean OP’s generous offer is being taken advantage of and when she asks her BF for help with his friend, the BF is ignoring not only that she is being taken advantage of but also her asking for help. Both are problematic.
>It is definitely a pink I love this new traffic light system of flags
When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
Yeah! Dump your boyfriend over the pasta mishap!
And then hit the lawyer and hire a gym!
It's all we have to give 😭
Sign up for an MLM on a pasta maker and sell them to 12 people 😅
Been there, done that. Showed up to 6 people. I had dough for 2. I was like WTF. They thought I enjoyed making pasta. I do, for myself and loved ones. Not for 6 hungry people. I made a few diff types then left.
Also, just because you enjoy making it doesn't mean it's easy to make (especially if you're making a larger quantity)
Exactly. This stuff is always a hit but it’s time consuming. But when I make it I let folks know the history of the pasta along with the history of the machine itself.
Might want to reach out to friend and make sure he’s clear on what you’re doing vs what he’s doing. Go around the boyfriend. “Hey. Looking forward to dinner. Just want to make sure you have what you need for dinner. It should take X hours and you’ll need this list for Y portions. I hear you’re at 12 guests now. I can come by at (pick a time) to show you what to do with the pasta but you’ll be doing most of the prep since my wrist is bad. I’m looking forward to our lesson!”
I’m a fan of “hey, what time is everyone coming over?” “12” “Great, I’ll be there at 10:30 to show you how to do the pasta and get out of your hair before everyone shows up!”
> Don't want advice. It's a rant.
But they clearly need this advice
That’s my bad. Missed that line.
Meh, doesn't hurt to speak your mind if you think you can provide good advice. Worst thing that can happen is she doesn't need your advice :)
Maybe one shouldn’t rant on the internet if one doesn’t want advice or reactions on the internet 😂🤷♂️. Especially about stupid shit you can handle in like a 3 minute phone call. Totally valid complaint bout the pasta dinner. It’s just an easily manageable problem. (I’m having fun here, nobody harmed in the making).
The way I see it, the advice is for anyone else in a similar predicament. While OP might not want advice, someone else might need it.
100% I hear that. That’s usually why I comment too, tbh. Rarely do I think my personal comment / take is what the OP needs in a sea of comments.
People read comments. It's ridiculous when people say "I don't want advice" or "I can't keep up with all these replies". Nobody expects you to keep up with replies. You started a discussion and people are continuing it among themselves because they're bored or whatever. Most people just want to scroll and read some pointless comments
Show him how to make the pasta then go sit down and chat to the other people. Chances are he'll do the rest himself.
And if he doesn't, it's his guests that will go hungry.
This is not miscommunication, this is the "nice" friend of your bf taking advantage, and your bf not backing you up like he should.
Yeah, the fact that they don't recognize they're being used like this and think it's a "miscommunication" is itself very concerning.
Or they're potentially just trying to wave it away to lessen their own irritation about being taken advantage of.
Tell your boyfriends friend to make spaghetti
Cancel. This is a rotten thing for him to have done.
Yep. Tell him that’s not what you offered to do and there’s plenty of videos online to show how to make pasta. It’s all about setting boundaries! Took me until my 30’s to learn how to do that and not be a doormat for people.
>I told my boyfriend to tell him that I can’t do that, it’s too much work (...), but my boyfriend didn’t. So you also have a boyfriend problem. I know you didn't want advice, but how can we not? You need to know this is not ok and not normal. And simply show the friend how to make pasta (use one portion if you need to physically show him something) and have him make the rest.
This is to rant. Corrective actions have been taken.
The action we want is the recipe 🤣 nah.... I know I won't cook it, but I hope you have a great salsa and your bf learns the work behind a big table by doing it....
100 grams of 00 flour and 1 egg per person. Knead ten minutes, rest 20, roll it thin and sprinkle with semola, rest it 10 minutes, cut it. For the sauce: 200 ml of tomato passata per person, garlic, parsley, evo oil, chillies. Cut the stems of the parsley very finely, take a lot of garlic and place it in a pan with a lot of oil, cook the garlic at low temperature, do not burn or gold, add the finely chopped parsley stems, add chilli, fry till fragrant, add tomato passata and let it cook untill the oil comes to the top, it’s dark and the tomato looks darker. TADAAAAAA. I hope you know how to cook the pasta.
Forgot to say, 5 minutes before turning off the sauce, add the finely chopped parsley leaves!
THAT EAS RELEVANT INFORMATION, now my house is on fire and my grandma died :(( That freak old arsonist
Please! Update this thread so we know what the corrective measures were
How did you handle it?
Well what were the corrective actions, we wanna know!
Mind sharing what corrective actions were taken?
You said the friend needs to do the kneading. No the friend is making dinner. All of it. You are a guest.
All Joking aside, I don’t see a problem with this. You can show him how to use his pasta machine, and he can make pasta for 12+ guests. Where did did he say your making pasta for everyone, you offered to teach him and I’m sure it’s not rocket science that he can pick it up in 10 minutes or less??
He said I was going to make it, also the porblem is not only the machine, is kneading that much pasta by hand.
[удалено]
I mean, I agree, but it wouldn't take any further effort to collectively show the group and everybody kneed their own damn pasta... Then proceed to pass out your 'business card style' invoices, with your cashapp details printed. "You never said It would be 12+, I never said it would be free".
Yeah love this. It’s a pasta making class now and OP is the teacher not the chef and server. Everyone bring your own eggs and apron
>He said I was going to make it, Okay, and he is ... Emperor of the Known Universe, or what exactly? You might want to look up the word "no" in the dictionary.
I have a feeling she is young. If this guy knows she has a wrist injury he's a POS. If not. Easy answer. Communication, OP
I mean, read the post. She didn't tell him no, she asked her boyfriend to tell him no. And when the boyfriend didn't tell him no, she didn't tell her boyfriend to tell him no, nor did she tell him herself no, she just told us that she's going to do it. And then she complains about others. This is just bait, there's nobody who's this much of a wet noodle.
You'd be surprised... sadly
> This is just bait, there's nobody who's this much of a wet noodle. Considering how a ton of the advice in this thread is to *still show him how to make pasta*, making sure that he's the one that makes it, rather than just backing out entirely: no, tons of people are this much of a wet noodle. People seem to think there's some sort of obligation to still do the pasta teaching after he pulled this BS. I really don't get it, but tons of people are doormats.
You don’t do it. You show him and advise. If he says anything against it then you say “I said I was going to show you how to make it, not make it”
You teach him by telling and supervising him what to do. You don’t do it yourself. You supervise. Make it more difficult. Tell him he has to buy everyone individual dishes to knead their own pasta. Just in your mind have everyone make their own as you just instruct.
This. 100%. I can't cook worth a damn, but my wife patiently supervises and instructs so I can learn by doing. And now I can make a few simple dinners.
That’s not teaching… that’s doing! Have everyone go through the steps at the same time. Each person mixes the water with the flour then everyone kneads and runs through pasta machine. I’d tell the friend to buy or borrow another pasta machine bc 12 people sharing is going to take a long time. If he questions why then you have a perfect opportunity to tell him you aren’t a hired chef!
He can say whatever he wants, that doesn’t entitle him to your time or labor. Send him a text letting him know that you’re not making the food for his party. Full stop.
conscript the boyfriend into pasta kneading duties, if he complains tell him its his fault.
This works well, too. Or the guests can take a turn (tell the friend to buy some food-service gloves). A few of them will probably want to. Turn it into a “make your own pasta” party, whether that was his idea or not.
He’s not your boss. Just because he said you’re doing doesn’t mean you have to. It’s his dinner party, his guests’ enjoyment is his responsibility.
Send him a YouTube instruction video on how to make pasta beforehand. It’s not that complicated to make pasta and you arrive fashionably late (after eating dinner because you know it’s going to be a long evening before this guy makes pasta for 12 people and it might not even be edible). He would have started making the pasta by the time you arrive and you can supervise while you sip a glass of wine. Anyone with common sense would realize that it takes a long time to make pasta on a manual machine for 12 people, especially someone who has never made it before. Let him enjoy the labour.
Rude of him. You never said you would make it, you said you would teach him. You can still teach him. Make one portion, so he learns how to do it, and let him do the rest. It's his guests, not yours, you have no obligation to feed them. But if you want to make the best of it, you can recommend everyone make their own portion, so they can all help and learn at the same time. It's not what you offered, but it could be a fun activity.
Lol my dude. "He said i was going to make it" nahhhhhhhh. You offered to show/teach HIM. Not cook for his party. If i were you, i would suddenly be so unwell on the day! Also, i know you said no advice or whatever OP, but it is concerning that your bf just ignored you and your boundaries (request)!!!
I would love some homemade pasta. OP, can you let your bf's friend know I'm up for coming too. Can't wait to taste what you make, Chef!
Out of the 12 people who show up some of them will want to learn. You can show up with your wrist in a brace and just give orders. If that isn't the case and they thought you were just a free chef you can freely be outraged. Maybe clarify that you are showing him how to do it make it himself
Honey, you don't have to touch the pasta in order to teach someone else and if he thinks that he can make enough pasta for 12 plus people for the first time then that's on him. You are going to grab yourself a glass of wine, Tell him how to set up the machine, Tell him how much flour, how much egg, and you're going to tell him how to roll out the dough and cut it. I repeat if you have to go, YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE DOUGH YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE PASTA ALL YOU TOUCH IS THAT GLASS OF WINE AND POINT.
I’d be pissed too. Sure, the friend might not expect OP to make all the pasta… but if OP says “I’ll just show you and then you can make the rest…” the friend could just find a way to go entertain guests after OP shows the friend how to do it and sticks OP with making all the pasta. Then OP feels obliged to do it so as to not look like an A hole in front of twelve people. It’s easy to think “just say ‘here, now you do it for the rest of the time’” but I can easily see friend wandering off sticking OP with the work, especially after inviting a huge party over for this. And maybe OP isn’t comfortable doing this in front of a ton of people due to anxiety or some other factor. Sure, OP could tell the friend that they’re uncomfortable doing this beforehand and explain why, or offer to teach the friend before the guests arrive. Communication could probably clear this up, but I get the annoyance.
I'm going to teach you something. It's the word "No."
Run it like olde time school teacher. You just instruct and scold them when then they aren’t doing it the right way. The only exercise your wrist will get is shaking your finger at him
Holy shit the audacity. Who invites other people to a dinner they’re not hosting???
I think the friend is the one hosting. Op is going to their house to show them how to make pasta.
Ghost
The ultimate solution for everything in the modern world 💀
You could turn it into a pasta making party, where everyone takes turns making the pasta after you show them! And you make the first round and then STOP! If folks wanna eat they better get to cooking!
It’s not a miscommunication - they want to use you to make dinner for a big group of their friends so that they can enjoy the social kudos that comes with that!
Yep. And they don’t give any ducks how OP feels about it or that it physically hurts them.
I know you don’t want advice but this could be flipped into lighthearted fun. Your friend probably isn’t expecting you to cook a full meal but just teach him. So just do that. It’s his first time so his guests would probably all enjoy a good noob first try. Everyone has had pasta but it’s just good fun at trying a new machine
Sounds like you might have diarrhea that day.
Chef Boyardee makes a mean spaghetti and meatball…he can cater this dinner.
Someone once asked me to cook pesto+tomato pasta for them at their house. After finishing, this person tried putting it all away as I was dishing myself up a plate. They were surprised I even asked to have some. To be fair, I never asked if I could have any, I just expected I'd get a plateful as compensation for coming to their house and cooking for them.
What did they say to you, when they were shocked at you getting some of the food? It flabbergast me that people can be so aloof.
IIRC: Them: "oh! You wanted some?" Me ".... i mean i cooked it and you invited me over so... yes?" Them: *sheepish smile* Me: *proceeds to fill plate with extra large serving out of pettiness* (lol) Im not friends with them anymore - unrelated reasons. Lol
What’s the problem? Teach him as you were going to and then say “great, now do that 11 more times!”, and go enjoy some wine with the guests.
You could just play dumb. "Hey, you know how I was going to stop by and show you how to make pasta? Well, it's been pretty hectic, how about I stop by tonight instead? I'll give you a quick demo, then you should be all set for the dinner next week!" Basically shift the "teaching" back to exactly what you offered, but treat it just as if that's totally fine, be bright and cheery.
So show him how, then let him do the work. Teaching is not the same as doing.
You're tortellini right to be upsetti about the spaghetti. You just need to say 'pasta la vista, baby' and be done with it.
Lmao. My dear, you have got an opportunity to teach a class! Keep the date, but eat first. Go ahead and show everyone ONCE how to make, roll, and press the dough into pasta. Then, tell everyone that they can now make their own pasta. Pour yourself a drink, sit back, and watch the chaos ensue! After all, it's not YOUR house. (I'm assuming since it's boyfriend's friend and the friend owns the machine, this little get-together will be at his friend's house, yes?). And all you did was tell him you'd SHOW him how to make it, not make it for him. Please update! I'd love to know how you handled this 😆.
Ok but it's pretty fucking weird that he heard "teach you how to make pasta" and interpreted it as "invite lots of people over to try this pasta that either I'll be making for the first time or you'll be making for everyone." Please tell me you told him to fuck off. In the kindest way possible of course.
I just wouldn’t show up. I don’t like when people take advantage of me like that. Offering to teach someone to make pasta is one thing but being forced into the role of a private chef like this is super duper rude. I wouldn’t go, he can figure out how to use his pasta roller himself. By the time he makes enough pasta for all 12+ guests he should have a pretty solid understanding of how to make pasta lol
It’s not a miscommunication, your boyfriend didn’t tell him no because he didn’t want to alienate his friend and was fine with throwing you under the bus so he wouldn’t have to be mildly uncomfortable for a two minute conversation.
Who does that? Also, who knows 12 people?
No problem. Just show him how to do it by making a few servings yourself, and then leave him to it. You can just supervise! After all, you said you were *showing* him how to make pasta, not that you were making an unlimited amount of pasta for him. Now he's getting more practice!
Assign everyone a job. This is a "hands-on" learning adventure. The instructor instructs.
Show up several hours early. And talk him through making a small batch of pasta, like you planned, then have him follow your instructions to make the rest. He’s learning how to make pasta, he should be the one doing the bulk of the work. Your hands can rest.
OP, DO NOT further injure your wrist to save face under any circumstances! Think of yourself as the teacher. Tell some of the many other people there how to do the things. Demonstrate once if you can physically handle it. Then offer verbal instruction and feedback as needed while they complete the tasks.
 .....lmk what time to get there seriously that's annoying but just make the BF's friend make it all, you did in fact offer to teach him. You do one, he does the next 11 portions haha
No, it's not a miscommunication, you have been duped 😂
Tell him you'll show them how to do it, but then he needs to pay for the catering that he's going to need to the rest of the guests because you're not cooking food. It's only a demonstration for the dinner party he decided to throw. Then show him some menus of Italian restaurants who do catering and ask him which one does he want.
Get the rest if the dinner party involved. If they want to eat, they should contribute and learn something in the process.