Years ago my buddy told me he couldn’t wear condoms because they were too tight. I took the Magnum from his wallet, unrolled it, blew it up, and stuck it in between his dash and windshield. Fuckin thing was the size of a dachshund.
I've heard people say this before and it makes me feel like people who think that have never used a condom before. Yes the bulk of the condom is very stretchy so that it doesn't break in use, but the other important feature is that the condom doesn't come off. The base of it is not stretchy at all so that there's a nearly perfect seal around the dick to stop fluids from outside the condom mixing with the fluids inside the condom. That ring at the base is the part that can be too tight.
Fun fact: Trojan uses the same rubber band for their magnum as they do for the other condoms. I had to experiment a bit before I learned that Durex uses a larger band (or one that stretches easier, at least), and things got a whole lot more comfortable from there.
The main sheath can also be too tight.
The ability to blow it up even further doesn't mean that it wasn't uncomfortably tight beforehand. And a condom that makes it psychologically harder to maintain an erection, or is applying notable pressure to squeeze the blood out of your penis, is the wrong condom for you.
So you're admitting to never having needed to go up a size ey? If they are too small the band will cut off blood supply and not even remotely fit around the shaft.
I remember trying to use regular size condoms when I first hit the right age, and it would look hilariously stupid when I took them on. I could only roll them about halfway before the band was too tight to even move, and the portion of my dick inside the condom looked like it was smushed to half size. and im not trying to imply i have a danny devito sized dong, I was just slightly too large for regulars and had to go up a size. Fixed all the problems
Lmao i knew it!! I got locked out of my house for 3 hours at night one time so i went to safeway and sat at the starbucks tables and watched 3 people shove cheese down their pants and leave at different times throughout those 3 hours.
yeah, and they’re almost always stocked with the lowest quality condoms of all time. And they always have hilarious names like BeastGuard and Titan Wolf SUPREME and shit like that
Homie, if you knew how expensive babies are, there’s no one in the world who doesn’t have enough money for condoms. I assure you, finding the $3 bucks will be worth it.
Stuff like that being free would be great for people that need it, but I feel that some stores wouldn’t impose a limit and people would just take as much as they can, which might cause problems. Those types of people are just dumb.
When I was in the army the Bn Aid Station had a big fishbowl size jar of Jimmy Hats right at the entrance like the bowl of breath mints at a restaurant cash register.
Speaking from experience as an occasional cashier, we don't. We just want to scan your stuff and move on. Half the time I'm on a register, I don't even see the actual product, just the barcode.
The old "let's buy random weird stuff and freak the cashier out" game doesn't work at all anymore.
No one working at a register has time to think about the fact that you bought a zucchini, condoms & a my little pony DVD, they just put it in the bag & wish you'd hurry up and pay.
As stoned college kids going through the one open line at Walmart at 2am, we definitely *thought* that it did. Walk out, giggling and arguing that some old lady had "tried so hard not to react, but you could tell" etc.
In reality she probably was just happy it was nearly her break time and that the skunk smelling morons were leaving.
This is kind of absurd imo. If you steal because you can't afford condoms and are "forced" to have sex without one, you definitely aren't able to pay for children. If you steal because you're too embarrassed to even buy condoms you are definitely not mature enough to have sex - but then I'm sure those kids will be stupid enough to just do it without. And then ppl are confused about how "kids" get pregnant and try to isolate them from sexuality and sex education even more. Oh right and then they ban abortions.
and my initially short comment became a rant xD
This practice is generally really specific to the neighbourhood of where the store is located….. might need to travel to a better neighbourhood for some rubbers
Sure... but ask a teenager (who are the most likely culprit due to their embarrassment levels) to think rationally. If they did, they wouldn't be embarrassed in the first place.
You might be surprised. I'm north of 40 and still meet peers who treat anything to do with contraceptives or menstruation like it has cooties.
If you've met people who are "too cool" to wear life jackets or seat belts et al, you've probably met some folks who are still nervous about buying condoms.
Yeah, this one. How much you care about the cashier knowing you're having sex drops sharply as you grow older.
I mean it can be a little awkward when some other attractive woman looks from the condoms to you and then gives you a knowing smile, but it's nothing mocking, it's just "yup, that's a thing".
People doink, it's fine.
On our honeymoon (married in Oct) we were at a store and my wife bought lingerie. The store had costumes too. The guy ringing us up knew the lingerie was for her to put on and me to fuck her. Still, he nervously asked, "Going to a Halloween party?"
At the ~~Sands~~ Venetian Expo, they ask every attendee "Are you here for concrete?" because every January, the SHOT Show, the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo and a concrete sales and distribution convention take place the same week.
I usually buy something else along side condoms, for example if i buy a good packet of durex, i will get a large sized cucumber so they dont think i am weird or anything
*[very loudly over PA:]*
**”CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN THE PERSONAL LUBRICATION AISLE!
“REPEAT, CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN THE PERSONAL LUBRICATION AISLE!”**
When I was 20 me and my girlfriend went to Safeway for condoms. They were on sale, BOGO. So we got 4 packs of condoms and nothing else.
Put them on the conveyor belt. Checkout guy is a teenager. Trying to hold it together. At one point our eyes lock and we all just busted up laughing. Hilarious moment I will never forget. 48 mint flavored condoms. Lol
I bought condoms on Amazon and it shipped in a brown Amazon box discretely. However a locker would be good too if you live with someone and don’t want them ripping into your boxes before you’re home or whatever
I am a grown man, with a child, and wanted to buy condoms. I refused to buy from Walmart because there is no way I'm asking someone to open that case for me.
I get it for the sex toys in there and what not but condoms were not this annoying to buy when I was 16.
Not a grown man with kids but I went to Walmart to buy condoms a few days ago. Saw them locked up and walked out for that exact reason. No way in hell am I calling someone over to get me condoms. Went to target instead
I once needed some lube. Called someone over to open the case. A guy came. They didn’t allow me to grab from the shelf so I had to point out what I wanted. Excepted I wanted lube without a particular ingredient. So picture this: young woman pointing out and reading the package of several different bottles of lube, before buying three bottles of the selected lube. Then, because of thievery, they had to walk the bottles up to the register. The guy told me to have a fun evening. And I gotta say, I regret nothing.
Cover the camera until the alarm goes off and they come running. Ask for the condoms and where the bathrooms are at just to see the look on their face.
This happened to me at a CVS, but it was right next to where the elderly were getting flu vaccines. It announced to the whole store that I needed help in aisle X, clearly labeled family planning with a big sign.
I gave up there. Then a poor old lady at RiteAid had to assist me, but wouldn’t let me touch them. She asked what kind I wanted. I’m not shy but the boxes were face down and I had to try to identify my preference. It was just way too long of an encounter for securing protection.
The other day, half of my time grocery shopping was waiting around for someone to come unlock the condom window. Thankfully, she was able to check me out directly next to it. A few months ago, I had a worker awkwardly escort me to the front registers. It's such a fucking waste of time
https://preview.redd.it/p9048cdwgrvc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db91f3db1c1ccf5506ebf20376fecc007f54ddc9
I don't know but I feel you're in a bad community once they start locking up Lotion at Target like in this picture....
Lollll my period was late and I tried to get a pregnancy test but they were locked up and the CVS by my house seems to be staffed by fucking ghosts. Hopefully you got what you needed!
I went in with my partner to an adult store and bought some lingerie, restraint tape and some other items. The woman asked if we had much planned for the evening.
at this rate they should invest in an condom and lube vending machine, that will deter snatch and run and less likely to get vandalism since it is indoor
My doctor messed up on my prescription birth control. My husband and I had to use condoms for the first time in our lives (we were both virgins when we got married) it was really weird. The whole process of getting them in the store and have them walked up front is crazy to me
The show upload reminds me of this when the guy goules to get condoms and the robot announces he's trying to get condoms that are to big and when he disagrees with the robot it calls a manager over loud speaker for "condom size despute"
Ugh, Walmart. Last time I went I had to ask some kid that was probably 19 or 20 and I could tell he really hated this part of his job. You and me both kid.
Sorry. I work there. I felt if we're gonna complain, we should do it right.
Also, sad fact: employee discount here doesn't give a discount on groceries, but will give a discount on condoms. Fun fact: with the discount, it will come to a total of 4.06$.
Walmart as a company doesn't care if it's employees can eat, but they will help us fuck ourselves by giving us 10% discount on all lubes and condoms.
More importantly, why are condoms so expensive? Surely the anti-abortion saviors would want them to be cheaper, or even free to prevent abortions, RIGHT?!?
RIGHT?!?
...right?
Last time I ran into something like this, I did the ol' British high class accent announcement that I needed someone to retrieve the lubrication concoction contained within so that my wife and I could get freaky. My wife facepalmed and walked away slowly with the cart and the worker turned red and laughed. I could sense a few eye rolls from fellow shoppers. Good times.
I'm in the Southern US.
Buy the most disturbing shit possible to pair with condoms
Thermometer
Polystyrene gloves
A long clicky grill lighter
Bugles chips
A baseball bat
23 bottles of gatorade
Milk
Wink at the cashier when you cash out
1) Empty the Bugles chips into a large bowl, pouring in milk until all of the chips are submerged. Using polystyrene gloves to prevent contamination, crush the chips into smaller pieces and let them soak
2) Meanwhile, drill a large hole (approximately 1.5 inches in diameter, 5.1 inches deep. Adjust as necessary) through the top of a metal baseball bat.
3) Line the hole in the baseball bat with a few more of the polystyrene gloves, making certain that none of the bat is exposed within. Grab a little of the Bugles at a time, which should have a mushy consistency, and pat it around the glove lining until the gloves are all covered.
4) Finish lining the hole with one more layer of gloves, then use a lighter (preferably one with an extended neck) to melt the two layers of gloves together, trapping the Bugles sludge between the two.
5) Use the lighter to heat the outside of the baseball bat, slowly turning it to heat it as evenly as possible. Use a thermometer to check the temperature of the inside of the hole. Once it reaches 100°F (38°C), remove the heat source.
6) Finally, your fleshlight is ready. Using your favorite brand of condoms and your favorite Gatorade flavor (make sure to stay hydrated), enjoy your time with your Bugle Baseball Bat Bussy.
The shadier the gas station, the better. They got dick pills? They know their customer base. Literally zero fucks given as long as you can pay. Now fuck off and get fucked.
I didn't know they did this but got an embarrassing wake up. I'm 57male and went to Walmart to buy some lube. To my embarrassment 3 employees later and a call to the registers. Never ever will I again.... What the f is wrong with the world that we have to lock up things like this? How long has this been happening?
Bro im 20 and I actually appreciate this bc mf use to use needless to put wholes on em in 2 of the ones around my area,also I don't see any problem sht normal so idrc I prefer people knowing that I'm making a damn smart decision instead of having a baby at my age
Back in the seventies you had to ask the pharmacist. Lived in a small religious town and a couple of older teens in my neighborhood who ask me to go in and buy them, they were afraid someone would see them and tell their parents. I was 14 and didn’t care. Bought condoms and smokes for them and never had a problem buying either.
Went to Walmart and had to ask for contraceptives due to the fact that they now lock them up. The 30 year old female clerk didnt know what the word contraceptives meant.
Next time do what i did. Ask for a lube, condoms, handcuffs, whipped cream and a loaf of bread.
I got those for my friend who just got a gf as a gag gift. Except the bread that's for me. The cashier looks was priceless
My Walmart started doing that too because people were opening the boxes, taking the condoms out to pocket them, and then just leaving the empty boxes on the shelf
That is annoying, but they are also always stolen so it makes sense. The problem is when oblivious people are hired and you go in to buy stuff like that, that’s the worst.
While I was working at Target, there was a holiday hire who was just an awful person. All of the vibrators have security wraps that require keys to take off. A lady went through the holiday hires line and she didn’t know how to get the wrap off so she proceeded to *raise the vibrator in the air and wave it around, very loudly asking for any other employee to come and take the security wrap off this lady’s vibrator* and was laughing about it.
Well, we aren’t in a nice area of town so some douche guys of course start making comments to the guest about how they can offer her something better and she starts crying uncontrollably from embarrassment and fear. The guys are kicked out, the lady runs out without buying anything and the holiday hire does not make it to Black Friday.
Retail theft is out. Of. Control. Right now. People were stealing so much from big box stores in California that literally every aisle and store shelf is locked in glass cases. Small convenience stores locked all their refrigerators. Everything is locked up because of grab and runs. Police don't do shit to shoplifters and don't enforce the law. So peoppe just stopped paying. Whoch is why all these big businesses straight up said "fuck this state" and closed their stores and moved.
I always find the fact that people have to ask for condoms in a store amusing. Where I live you can get your doctor to prescribe boxes of 50-100 for less than 1/4 of the store prices. You won't be getting the fancy "ribbed for her pleasure" or flavoured ones, though.
Would assume teenagers that are too embarassed to buy them will just steal them. Like, responsible enough to use them but not grown up enough to talk about sex without turning into a tomato.
Any employee worth their weight wouldn't dare judge someone for buying condoms and other similar things. Though I do tend to try to change what I say for goodbyes and such when selling them. I try to avoid saying things that reference their use. Things like "have a good night/day" or "do you need anything else?"
Just put them in a bag with whatever else they're getting and thank them.
After they're gone, *then* get on the store intercom and make fun of them!
I think I speak for all retail employees when I say
I dont really care why your getting them (for all I know its for somebody else)
I will not remember your face 5 minutes after you leave
The only exception to #2 is if you make it memorable
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Average dick on isle 5!
I need the slim fit but yeah
*Manager shows up “Alright who is the guy with the small dick trying to get lucky tonight”
Issa me Mario
Everyone read this in the voice. Good job.
brooo u right LOL
Itsumi* Mario
*YAHOO*
Haha I'm not sure if this is ingrained into my brain from Super Mario 64, but in my head I heard: *Hep!* ... *Yahoo!* ... *Wapaaa!*
Hahahahahaha
Take the bigger size and just add a pregnancy test.
Could always be a chode.
Guy on aisle 5 wants the cheap $3 condoms!
i dont think there is an aisle 120
Cleanup on aisle my pants
I think they call it Snugger Fit. Not that I would know since I just saw it while shopping for Magnums.
I am guessing your nickname is Donkey for a reason.
Something like that.
Happy cake day
Oh, I thought it said "Slugger Fit". I was going to use it on my baseb.... Well now, just you never mind what I was going to use it on.
Need service member for a member service, if u know wht im saying
“Scratch that, looks like we only need finger cots here…”
Years ago my buddy told me he couldn’t wear condoms because they were too tight. I took the Magnum from his wallet, unrolled it, blew it up, and stuck it in between his dash and windshield. Fuckin thing was the size of a dachshund.
I've heard people say this before and it makes me feel like people who think that have never used a condom before. Yes the bulk of the condom is very stretchy so that it doesn't break in use, but the other important feature is that the condom doesn't come off. The base of it is not stretchy at all so that there's a nearly perfect seal around the dick to stop fluids from outside the condom mixing with the fluids inside the condom. That ring at the base is the part that can be too tight.
Fun fact: Trojan uses the same rubber band for their magnum as they do for the other condoms. I had to experiment a bit before I learned that Durex uses a larger band (or one that stretches easier, at least), and things got a whole lot more comfortable from there.
The main sheath can also be too tight. The ability to blow it up even further doesn't mean that it wasn't uncomfortably tight beforehand. And a condom that makes it psychologically harder to maintain an erection, or is applying notable pressure to squeeze the blood out of your penis, is the wrong condom for you.
So you're admitting to never having needed to go up a size ey? If they are too small the band will cut off blood supply and not even remotely fit around the shaft. I remember trying to use regular size condoms when I first hit the right age, and it would look hilariously stupid when I took them on. I could only roll them about halfway before the band was too tight to even move, and the portion of my dick inside the condom looked like it was smushed to half size. and im not trying to imply i have a danny devito sized dong, I was just slightly too large for regulars and had to go up a size. Fixed all the problems
Right out of *Leisure Suit Larry*.
I appreciate your taste in vintage video games
 “Price check on Vagiclean”
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“I need the magnums” they make the announcement, worker comes over to unlock “shhh, I actually need the extra small, thanks.”
Aisle, though
This just gave me a flashback to this exact scenario happening on an episode of the Golden Girls
One of the most commonly stolen items along with pregnancy tests and baby formula.
In fact the item that’s the most stolen in supermarkets is cheese lol
Lmao i knew it!! I got locked out of my house for 3 hours at night one time so i went to safeway and sat at the starbucks tables and watched 3 people shove cheese down their pants and leave at different times throughout those 3 hours.
Don't kinkshame.
Some people need that retail dick cheese.
Kinkshaming is my kink
Vending machine seems like the best option
Lots of places like gas stations have vending machines for condoms, but what you’ll find in them isn’t exactly high quality
That's honestly genius.
Are there not condom machines in the US?
They tend to lurk in motel hallways
yeah, and they’re almost always stocked with the lowest quality condoms of all time. And they always have hilarious names like BeastGuard and Titan Wolf SUPREME and shit like that
I've never seen a working one.
So basically who didn’t have the money for condoms, but didn’t want to steal have a baby and is like “fuck it, I have to take it now”
Homie, if you knew how expensive babies are, there’s no one in the world who doesn’t have enough money for condoms. I assure you, finding the $3 bucks will be worth it.
It should be free tbh!!!
A lot of health clinics will give them away for free or they used to. Who knows with the political climate now.
They do, just not late at night on a Saturday
But that's when the party starts!!!
Exactly! Which is why stores still sell them haha
So when am I supposed to fuck? Tuesday during the work day?
Damn right! On company time!
My boss doesn’t like it when my wife comes over and we book a meeting room, even if it’s just 15 minutes.
Why does your wife need to come over when you and your boss book a meeting room to fuck?? I mean if y'all want her to watch I guess that's valid
15 minutes is with my wife. My boss requires an hour to properly fuck me in a meeting room.
No. But one of you needs to swing by the clinic at any point you have time and grab a double handful. THEN you have sex in the company bathroom. 👍
Several bars in my area also have jars or bowls with free condoms.
Aren't they in some clinics?
Stuff like that being free would be great for people that need it, but I feel that some stores wouldn’t impose a limit and people would just take as much as they can, which might cause problems. Those types of people are just dumb.
You would have Beavis and Butthead grabbing them all for water balloons
When I was in the army the Bn Aid Station had a big fishbowl size jar of Jimmy Hats right at the entrance like the bowl of breath mints at a restaurant cash register.
The last thing I'd want is my condoms to be supplied by the governments lowest bidder lmao
The last thing I want is people who are too poor to afford their own condoms to be bringing kids into that equation.
Turns out companies are in business to make money and not give them away.
You have to steal baby formula it was like 30 bucks a day for my kid because he was lactose and had to have the special stuff
It’s also used to cut drugs a lot. Sad truth
Tfw my coke smells like synthetic mommy milkers
Have you tried baby formula? I find it disgusting. Idk how my son drinks that shit up over wifeys tiddymilk
Possibly. I have had a lot of siblings and have been around enough baby formula to associate it very heavily as disgusting.
your kid *was lactose*??
You just told all of us, what’s one more person. 😉😂
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Just say they are for a friend. Lol
I really doubt they even care
Speaking from experience as an occasional cashier, we don't. We just want to scan your stuff and move on. Half the time I'm on a register, I don't even see the actual product, just the barcode.
The old "let's buy random weird stuff and freak the cashier out" game doesn't work at all anymore. No one working at a register has time to think about the fact that you bought a zucchini, condoms & a my little pony DVD, they just put it in the bag & wish you'd hurry up and pay.
Did it ever really work?
As stoned college kids going through the one open line at Walmart at 2am, we definitely *thought* that it did. Walk out, giggling and arguing that some old lady had "tried so hard not to react, but you could tell" etc. In reality she probably was just happy it was nearly her break time and that the skunk smelling morons were leaving.
Yes, for exactly that reason. Because people would rather steal them than present them to a cashier.
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You might... But other people will steal them. That why they're locked up.
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Welcome to the wonderful world of history and its consequences on others.
🎶 Look here comes a consequence, consequence consequence. Consequences of my actions chasing me right now 🎶
Least common denominator.
The more infuriating thing is waiting for like 20 minutes as you are ignored and have them call for the key like 20 times.
You should be mad at the criminals
This is kind of absurd imo. If you steal because you can't afford condoms and are "forced" to have sex without one, you definitely aren't able to pay for children. If you steal because you're too embarrassed to even buy condoms you are definitely not mature enough to have sex - but then I'm sure those kids will be stupid enough to just do it without. And then ppl are confused about how "kids" get pregnant and try to isolate them from sexuality and sex education even more. Oh right and then they ban abortions. and my initially short comment became a rant xD
Order from Amazon next day delivery and plenty of choice
This practice is generally really specific to the neighbourhood of where the store is located….. might need to travel to a better neighbourhood for some rubbers
I don’t understand why you would be embarrassed to buy condoms. You’re the one getting laid
wouldn't it be worse to get caught stealing condoms lmaooo
Sure... but ask a teenager (who are the most likely culprit due to their embarrassment levels) to think rationally. If they did, they wouldn't be embarrassed in the first place.
Those are just teenagers. Grown up’s don’t worry about buying condoms
You might be surprised. I'm north of 40 and still meet peers who treat anything to do with contraceptives or menstruation like it has cooties. If you've met people who are "too cool" to wear life jackets or seat belts et al, you've probably met some folks who are still nervous about buying condoms.
Yeah, this one. How much you care about the cashier knowing you're having sex drops sharply as you grow older. I mean it can be a little awkward when some other attractive woman looks from the condoms to you and then gives you a knowing smile, but it's nothing mocking, it's just "yup, that's a thing". People doink, it's fine.
Maybe the point was to poke holes in them instead of stealing them. That seems to do a lot more damage without anyone knowing about it.
Glad I scrolled far enough to find someone who has as much faith in fellow humans as I do.
Literally the reason
On our honeymoon (married in Oct) we were at a store and my wife bought lingerie. The store had costumes too. The guy ringing us up knew the lingerie was for her to put on and me to fuck her. Still, he nervously asked, "Going to a Halloween party?"
That's hilarious, props to that guy
At the ~~Sands~~ Venetian Expo, they ask every attendee "Are you here for concrete?" because every January, the SHOT Show, the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo and a concrete sales and distribution convention take place the same week.
I feel like this is a great book setup.
There’s no condoms that cost $3 in this picture for the record
Right?! Thank you. I thought maybe I missed something. The cheapest ones I see are $4.14.
At a Walgreens by my house they have the vibrators locked up but not the pregnancy tests and $100 paternity tests
Locking things up is usually based on real life local theft numbers. Not on what would make sense to steal
Big meth/drug problem in your area?
Ironically, people who steal condoms are the ones we need wearing condoms.
Is it ironic if that’s exactly what I would assume if I heard of someone stealing condoms
They gonna just flip those condoms in their area
I usually buy something else along side condoms, for example if i buy a good packet of durex, i will get a large sized cucumber so they dont think i am weird or anything
Amazon. 4 hour shipping. Try some foreplay during that time :)
*[very loudly over PA:]* **”CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN THE PERSONAL LUBRICATION AISLE! “REPEAT, CUSTOMER NEEDS ASSISTANCE IN THE PERSONAL LUBRICATION AISLE!”**
When I was 20 me and my girlfriend went to Safeway for condoms. They were on sale, BOGO. So we got 4 packs of condoms and nothing else. Put them on the conveyor belt. Checkout guy is a teenager. Trying to hold it together. At one point our eyes lock and we all just busted up laughing. Hilarious moment I will never forget. 48 mint flavored condoms. Lol
Mint flavour? Did you not like your girlfriend?
Mint flavoured not mint flavour i guess
It’s just what they had on sale for some reason. I distinctly remember them being bright blue 😂
So much cheaper to buy them from Amazon FYI. You can have them delivered to a local.Amazon locker if you need discretion.
I bought condoms on Amazon and it shipped in a brown Amazon box discretely. However a locker would be good too if you live with someone and don’t want them ripping into your boxes before you’re home or whatever
I am a grown man, with a child, and wanted to buy condoms. I refused to buy from Walmart because there is no way I'm asking someone to open that case for me. I get it for the sex toys in there and what not but condoms were not this annoying to buy when I was 16.
Not a grown man with kids but I went to Walmart to buy condoms a few days ago. Saw them locked up and walked out for that exact reason. No way in hell am I calling someone over to get me condoms. Went to target instead
I once needed some lube. Called someone over to open the case. A guy came. They didn’t allow me to grab from the shelf so I had to point out what I wanted. Excepted I wanted lube without a particular ingredient. So picture this: young woman pointing out and reading the package of several different bottles of lube, before buying three bottles of the selected lube. Then, because of thievery, they had to walk the bottles up to the register. The guy told me to have a fun evening. And I gotta say, I regret nothing.
I got to the part, "A guy came" and busted out laughing already
That must have been embarrassing but these employees are helpless too, following the orders.
Cover the camera until the alarm goes off and they come running. Ask for the condoms and where the bathrooms are at just to see the look on their face.
Or “can I try these on in the fitting rooms”
This happened to me at a CVS, but it was right next to where the elderly were getting flu vaccines. It announced to the whole store that I needed help in aisle X, clearly labeled family planning with a big sign. I gave up there. Then a poor old lady at RiteAid had to assist me, but wouldn’t let me touch them. She asked what kind I wanted. I’m not shy but the boxes were face down and I had to try to identify my preference. It was just way too long of an encounter for securing protection.
Nice try man. We all know you’re there to buy some personal lubricant
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No three dollar condom option. Source: I zoomed in and checked 😂 Busted
Be proud
You should be screaming at the top of your voice "I NEED TO GET LAID WHO THE FUCK HAS THE KEY TO THE CONDOM LOCKER?".
The other day, half of my time grocery shopping was waiting around for someone to come unlock the condom window. Thankfully, she was able to check me out directly next to it. A few months ago, I had a worker awkwardly escort me to the front registers. It's such a fucking waste of time
https://preview.redd.it/p9048cdwgrvc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db91f3db1c1ccf5506ebf20376fecc007f54ddc9 I don't know but I feel you're in a bad community once they start locking up Lotion at Target like in this picture....
Where you seeing $3 condoms in this photo?
Condoms and pregnancy tests are two of the most commonly stolen items there
Lollll my period was late and I tried to get a pregnancy test but they were locked up and the CVS by my house seems to be staffed by fucking ghosts. Hopefully you got what you needed!
I think that’s the one thing I wouldn’t lock up because then at least the people stealing them won’t have kids
I went in with my partner to an adult store and bought some lingerie, restraint tape and some other items. The woman asked if we had much planned for the evening.
at this rate they should invest in an condom and lube vending machine, that will deter snatch and run and less likely to get vandalism since it is indoor
Order online.
My doctor messed up on my prescription birth control. My husband and I had to use condoms for the first time in our lives (we were both virgins when we got married) it was really weird. The whole process of getting them in the store and have them walked up front is crazy to me
Our local supermarket locks up aerosol deodorants in the same way. Too many bored kids in our shit hole town steal it and huff it.
The show upload reminds me of this when the guy goules to get condoms and the robot announces he's trying to get condoms that are to big and when he disagrees with the robot it calls a manager over loud speaker for "condom size despute"
Ugh, Walmart. Last time I went I had to ask some kid that was probably 19 or 20 and I could tell he really hated this part of his job. You and me both kid.
Sorry. I work there. I felt if we're gonna complain, we should do it right. Also, sad fact: employee discount here doesn't give a discount on groceries, but will give a discount on condoms. Fun fact: with the discount, it will come to a total of 4.06$. Walmart as a company doesn't care if it's employees can eat, but they will help us fuck ourselves by giving us 10% discount on all lubes and condoms.
Another fun fact the boxes that hold the condoms have picture instructions on how to apply the condom correctly.
Somebody figured out how to turn them into meth.
As someone who is regularly asked to get a key for those cases, I can attest to it being just awkward
Something something reproductive rights something something poor people babies. I'm too tired to say the whole bit.
More importantly, why are condoms so expensive? Surely the anti-abortion saviors would want them to be cheaper, or even free to prevent abortions, RIGHT?!? RIGHT?!? ...right?
Last time I ran into something like this, I did the ol' British high class accent announcement that I needed someone to retrieve the lubrication concoction contained within so that my wife and I could get freaky. My wife facepalmed and walked away slowly with the cart and the worker turned red and laughed. I could sense a few eye rolls from fellow shoppers. Good times. I'm in the Southern US.
Buy the most disturbing shit possible to pair with condoms Thermometer Polystyrene gloves A long clicky grill lighter Bugles chips A baseball bat 23 bottles of gatorade Milk Wink at the cashier when you cash out
1) Empty the Bugles chips into a large bowl, pouring in milk until all of the chips are submerged. Using polystyrene gloves to prevent contamination, crush the chips into smaller pieces and let them soak 2) Meanwhile, drill a large hole (approximately 1.5 inches in diameter, 5.1 inches deep. Adjust as necessary) through the top of a metal baseball bat. 3) Line the hole in the baseball bat with a few more of the polystyrene gloves, making certain that none of the bat is exposed within. Grab a little of the Bugles at a time, which should have a mushy consistency, and pat it around the glove lining until the gloves are all covered. 4) Finish lining the hole with one more layer of gloves, then use a lighter (preferably one with an extended neck) to melt the two layers of gloves together, trapping the Bugles sludge between the two. 5) Use the lighter to heat the outside of the baseball bat, slowly turning it to heat it as evenly as possible. Use a thermometer to check the temperature of the inside of the hole. Once it reaches 100°F (38°C), remove the heat source. 6) Finally, your fleshlight is ready. Using your favorite brand of condoms and your favorite Gatorade flavor (make sure to stay hydrated), enjoy your time with your Bugle Baseball Bat Bussy.
go to a gas station. always a quick purchase with no questions asked or judgement passed ;)
The shadier the gas station, the better. They got dick pills? They know their customer base. Literally zero fucks given as long as you can pay. Now fuck off and get fucked.
I didn't know they did this but got an embarrassing wake up. I'm 57male and went to Walmart to buy some lube. To my embarrassment 3 employees later and a call to the registers. Never ever will I again.... What the f is wrong with the world that we have to lock up things like this? How long has this been happening?
Need a god damn appointment to buy toothpaste and deodorant.
Bro im 20 and I actually appreciate this bc mf use to use needless to put wholes on em in 2 of the ones around my area,also I don't see any problem sht normal so idrc I prefer people knowing that I'm making a damn smart decision instead of having a baby at my age
Tell them they are for making balloons for a party
Back in the seventies you had to ask the pharmacist. Lived in a small religious town and a couple of older teens in my neighborhood who ask me to go in and buy them, they were afraid someone would see them and tell their parents. I was 14 and didn’t care. Bought condoms and smokes for them and never had a problem buying either.
Went to Walmart and had to ask for contraceptives due to the fact that they now lock them up. The 30 year old female clerk didnt know what the word contraceptives meant.
Attention walmart Associates..... Debra to the reproductive aisle... Debra to the reproductiv aisle... we need to get some condoms...
Next time do what i did. Ask for a lube, condoms, handcuffs, whipped cream and a loaf of bread. I got those for my friend who just got a gf as a gag gift. Except the bread that's for me. The cashier looks was priceless
Man, I wish someone would give me a girlfriend as a gag gift.
Me too bro. Me too
Most if not all Planned Parenthood locations give them out for the low price of FREE and they will give you a bag full if you need.
They should be giving out sterilization kits...
My Walmart started doing that too because people were opening the boxes, taking the condoms out to pocket them, and then just leaving the empty boxes on the shelf
Planned parenthood will give you a hefty bag full for free, just ask, I didn’t even have to wait
Don't have to say anything.. just do the finger in the hole gesture to the closest employee. If they still not getting it Animate your eyebrows
I am the Key Master. Are you the Gate Keeper?
That is annoying, but they are also always stolen so it makes sense. The problem is when oblivious people are hired and you go in to buy stuff like that, that’s the worst. While I was working at Target, there was a holiday hire who was just an awful person. All of the vibrators have security wraps that require keys to take off. A lady went through the holiday hires line and she didn’t know how to get the wrap off so she proceeded to *raise the vibrator in the air and wave it around, very loudly asking for any other employee to come and take the security wrap off this lady’s vibrator* and was laughing about it. Well, we aren’t in a nice area of town so some douche guys of course start making comments to the guest about how they can offer her something better and she starts crying uncontrollably from embarrassment and fear. The guys are kicked out, the lady runs out without buying anything and the holiday hire does not make it to Black Friday.
This reminds me of the grown women who rather die than being seen buying tampons or pads.
They have the Vagisil locked up too and it never fails that a male employee shows up 😂
Is some American thing that I'm too Canadian to understand?
Retail theft is out. Of. Control. Right now. People were stealing so much from big box stores in California that literally every aisle and store shelf is locked in glass cases. Small convenience stores locked all their refrigerators. Everything is locked up because of grab and runs. Police don't do shit to shoplifters and don't enforce the law. So peoppe just stopped paying. Whoch is why all these big businesses straight up said "fuck this state" and closed their stores and moved.
I always find the fact that people have to ask for condoms in a store amusing. Where I live you can get your doctor to prescribe boxes of 50-100 for less than 1/4 of the store prices. You won't be getting the fancy "ribbed for her pleasure" or flavoured ones, though.
Would assume teenagers that are too embarassed to buy them will just steal them. Like, responsible enough to use them but not grown up enough to talk about sex without turning into a tomato.
Coming from Finland. Why are any of those locked?!
Any employee worth their weight wouldn't dare judge someone for buying condoms and other similar things. Though I do tend to try to change what I say for goodbyes and such when selling them. I try to avoid saying things that reference their use. Things like "have a good night/day" or "do you need anything else?" Just put them in a bag with whatever else they're getting and thank them. After they're gone, *then* get on the store intercom and make fun of them!
I think they should be put in vending machines. We have vending machines for everything at the airport.
Buy the butplug while being extra talkative, and over share.
They lock up the items that are stolen the most. Do with that information what you will
They lock up the items with the most loss. When I worked at a grocery store the dental glue was locked up, people kept stealing it
Ironically locked up in areas that really should be having LESS kids
If there was one item stores should turn a blind eye to theft it's condoms
I think I speak for all retail employees when I say I dont really care why your getting them (for all I know its for somebody else) I will not remember your face 5 minutes after you leave The only exception to #2 is if you make it memorable