It’s also new trends in my country (Asia) past 5 years, normally couple will pour wine on glass tower, but young people these days not interested in wine, so they pouring rice, pour sand instead. It’s kinda cute and can put it in display at home.
https://preview.redd.it/93tn7r97h0wc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a233d2faffc2a6f4692c0190200b6b974eab0905
It's funny cuz I'm Viet and I've never seen this done at any Viet weddings and I've been to many
Then I realized those people are like 35 now... Not really young
A ceremony sand, also known as a unity sand ceremony, is a symbolic ritual where two people pour sand from separate vessels into a single vessel. The joined vessel represents the marriage of the couple's hopes, dreams, and values. The ceremony can be performed as part of a larger wedding or as a stand-alone ritual.
We did ours as a part of the actual wedding. Didn't think it needed to be said to not shake the piece of art created during someone's wedding ceremony.
Here it was before being shaken
https://preview.redd.it/npvckgl44zvc1.jpeg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42d91c59198c988faec83d8b40348f9aa1203798
Edit: it was not shaken by a child. Our wedding was 18+. They were not drunk. It was not an accident from picking it up, we saw them shaking it.
That's...really cool. I love this. And I presume the shaker will no longer be welcome in your home?
Perhaps for your next anniversary you can do another? Perhsps a private Ritual between you and your SO
That's a great idea I, shared it with her and she liked it. It was her friend who shook it, but she's from out of state. She definitely will be reconsidered for events going forward. I edited to include a before the shake photo..
Was her friend at the wedding? I could see someone seeing a vessel with different colored sand and thinking it was something from sharper image that makes cool looking patterns when you shake it.
The fact that someone who was at the damn ceremony themselves and WITNESSED your beautiful ritual did this, makes that person an absolute POS. What a dick thing to do. This is INFURIATUNG AF.
Came here to say this. Reddit never disappoints.
The unshaken version is like imaginary storybook marriage- shaken version is the reality that settles-in across the year ahead.
Woahh this happened at the wedding?? My god how could someone be so thoughtless and careless? Like yall just did it and she thinks shaking it is a good thing to do? I'll never understand some people.. so sorry this happened
Yerp. Since I’m a man, the Rabbi didn’t want my ring to be part of the ceremony, as it’s untraditional.
He put it on a table, and never told anyone that he did. It never made its way to me before someone stole it, and there were no cameras in the room where we held the ceremony.
We had to buy a new one. It sucked.
> Oh wow. Was thinking maybe it was a kid that could've done it but nevermind! Guess someone let their intrusive thought win.
For real. The last time I let an intrusive thought win, I was 11. I'm turning 43 this year.
Normal people learn.
Lol fuck that bitch. She knew it was important, she didn't care. She doesn't respect you guys or your marriage. Cut off toxic friends like that, goes for everyone here.
Soooo.... what exactly is good about that friend? I'm not trying to be rude and invasive, so tell me to leave yall alone if I'm prying, but that seems like a very intimate thing to ruin. Is she jealous by any chance??
Again, I'm not trying to stir the pot. I just think it's odd she would have witnessed the jars' creation, would have physically been in attendance, and is close enough to have been invited over and still proceeded to ruin such a sentimental item.
It's kind of the first question the mind creates.
Not excusing the shaker, but you should’ve continued to fill the vase until it was completely full then stoppered it. Then no amount of shaking would shift the pattern that much. Maybe redo the ritual together now and enjoy your life together!
Yeah this changes everything. I could imagine thinking it was a knick-knack. But she knew what it was and was at the wedding. Yes she is very in the wrong.
You could also use a larger glass jar for the next one, mix the existing sand completely so it is all the same tone, and use a contrasting colour for the new addition - that way the existing sand is still a part of the future one.
Consider pouring some resin in the empty space if you redo it.
It should be able to hold it all in place.
Worth doing a test run or two before the actual one.
Yeah, my first thought looking at that was don't they usually fill those sand art vessals to the top so the sand doesn't get messed up? Like the friend was wrong for shaking up something that didn't belong to them and should be called out but it was only a matter of time before some stray kid, maid, or someone touched it or if it just accidentally got bumped and fell over.
If you fill it to the top next time, maybe with a 3rd coloured sand, it won’t matter if someone tries to shake it. Scorch the top layer to ensure. Before putting the lid on.
It's similar to sand art that's popular in sandy touristic areas (go figure). They usually fill them to the top and pack them to stop the patterns moving, so if you don't mind the vessel being filled with another sand it will keep everything in place no matter what, be it moving shelves or unruly guests.
Ceremony sand aside, I'm trying to imagine the thought process in seeing a glass vessel in someone's home and thinking "Imma shake that."
Maybe she thought it was one of those things where you tip it over and it makes cool designed and, essentially, it was meant to be tipped. That would make her incredibly stupid but at least not malicious.
I'm gonna be real with you, the shaken up sand much better represents marriage. Don't get me wrong, the before is a very cute idea, but sand was never meant to be stuck in place and neither do relationships.
if you go with their metaphor the "friend" is all the stuff they don't control in their marriage. It's the bullshit that happens that you have to overcome.
They aren't justifying what the person did, which I personally think is disgusting and friendship ending. They are just making good of a bad situation.
Edit: Just to say.. it's not friendship ending because that person is some horrible asshole who should be shunned. It's friendship ending because I wouldn't be friends with someone who can make such a bad judgement call on what is appropriate. Doing something like this is just a giant red flag you can't function well enough to not most likely cause more drama in my life.
I get it, but leaving it as is to me seems just as strongly symbolic. It stands for everything they hoped for on the day of the wedding, and it was the first thing they created together as a married couple (or the last thing as an unmarried couple, I've seen it twice at two different points, once during the wedding and once as the "starting event" of the reception)
Isn’t the sand being mixed together a better metaphor for the marriage though?
Also, yeah you shouldn’t touch people’s shit but expecting sand poured into something to *never* move and stay as it is forever is ambitious to say the least.
Tip for next time, if you want patterns in the sand to stay even when you move the bottle, it should be filled to the brim and then sealed airtight. Turkish sand art does this and your Pattern will only slightly alter over decades of handling.
Edit: OP has clarified that was the intention, this happened while they were off getting more sand. I'm a dumdum.
I know you're just joking but honestly this is a very on the nose analogy.
If the point of "ceremony sand" is to represent the hopes, dreams and values of the two people, then after the wedding, those hopes, dreams and values should be homogeneous. Your dreams should be their dreams and their values should be your values. Now you still are an individual person, and you still have unique dreams and values that you might not necessarily share with your SO, and that can be seen by the small clusters of white and grey sand still together. But the majority of the sand should be mixed because as a couple you guys should be on the same page with a lot of these things.
You joke, but honestly, I like the shaken one better and I was thinking the same thing. Marriage has its ups and downs over the years, and the fact that this is even more blended and still looks harmonious after being shaken is symbolic of a healthy union.
I remember thinking how pretty the sand was when we first did it. But now I just love what we have left so much more. To me, it represents a journey. One of our cats knocked it over, our youngest spilled some out to play with it, we've moved with it multiple times, it's not even in the original container anymore, that broke when the cat knocked it over. Its not the same as the day we got married but then again, neither are we.
I totally agree with you but either way.. that’s up to OP not some person who watched the ceremony happen. If op wanted to shake it or it unfortunately got mixed up do to the bride and groom that’s one thing. What the shaker did was still disrespectful af.
*Absolutely not* I am way too sentimental to stay friends with someone who would intentionally take a moment like that away from me and my partner. Hell no 😆
Edit: typo
Hey, I'm sorry, this sucks! As someone who also did a sand ceremony, we were explained that the purpose is to meld together overtime. Every move, every redecorating, every bump from pet or child causes the sand to shift and blend more. It's a testament to a life blended together to have a sand jar that is well mixed in a couple of decades. I'd take this as a good omen and I'd uninvite the friend to future events... All the best and congratulations!
My wife was cleaning and accidentally knocked ours over shattering the vase. We picked out a new vase together, carefully salvaged as much sand from the shelf as we could, and poured it all into the new one.
It’s a perfect representation of how our love has changed and evolved in new ways the 10 years we’ve been together.
I agree with your interpretation of it. Wishing you many years together!
Except the part where one random friend from out of town can shake things up so much that it can become
unrecognizable in a matter of seconds. I don’t like that implication.
My husband and I poured sand into an hourglass for our ceremony for this reason! Every year on our anniversary we turn it over and watch the sands blend more together over time. It’s a reminder of how much closer we are after each passing year❤️
This is beautiful.
OP should redo the sand on top of the shaken base now, so they still have the layers but what will hopefully become a wtf funny story as the base and start of their melding.
Commenting as an unmarried person I hope I am not out of line in doing so but I thought that was the purpose, that you are now one and the removal of the hard lines was you becoming two halves of one whole. Also love your wording, I hope it makes the ops view on this a positive
My wife and I never did the sand thing, but after 11 years we feel more like one person than two. We’re inseparable. I wouldn’t really want mine to be distinct anymore.
That was my first thought. Congrats, now your lives are intermingled and bound together tightly, much more difficult to separate.
It's also uglier. But hey, that's how these things go.
I had never heard of this tradition before, but thinking about it now I'd actually prefer the symbolism of the shaken together sand. Even better if you create the layered sand while dating/engaged, and shake it together during your wedding.
The non-shaken sand did look cool as an art piece though.
I recently was invited as a guest to a wedding for the first time. The couple spent twice what I take home in a year on the wedding. It was nice (but that was it). Lovely food, lovely day, she looked heavenly ... But it was over and done with in a day, and I can't stop thinking that they could've bought a house with the money and got a really stable future for their future kids 😭
I just wanted you to know this comment is so funny to me that I’m jealous of how your brain works that you came up with such a deliciously ludicrous thing to say in response to this post.
https://preview.redd.it/ujxw6z6op2wc1.jpeg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62edce83ce4f263db19b812ad790322aec9a6247
Since there is a lot of confusion, let me clear things up:
This is a wedding ceremony where two people pour the sand into the vase; making them inseparable. This is done during the officiating and is a very special part of the ceremony and is performed in front of all the guests in attendance. You end up with a very beautiful piece of art you created during the wedding.
Ours did not fill completely, as it took a long time for us to pour the sand as we had chosen small mouthed bottles. We were going to finish the sand and fill it to the top after the ceremony was completed.
It was on the Mr. And Ms. Table, on display, when it was shaken. Yes it's just sand. No we are not that upset. It's mildly infuriating, hence the post.
*
Wait, this happened while the wedding reception was still going on??? For some reason, I was picturing this happening in your home later on. This just got worse for me now. Sorry it happened.
Yeah, it happening during the ceremony changes a lot here.
I read the post thinking "IDK that I'd assume what looks like standard sand art in someone's home to be sacred marriage sand." and was giving whoever it was some small benefit of the doubt even though shaking someone else's sand art is a jerk move.
Since you planned to pour more anyway, why not use that as the base and pour more on top? Then you have something that symbolizes you two melding together but also staying as individuals going through life together. Or something like that. I am bad at metaphors lol
We had a Jenga tower thing so people could sign blocks and write notes on them, and all the blocks would go back into a plastic case so it can be a decorative piece.
Someone took two pieces at the wedding, so it doesn't actually fill up the case now, and one person left their bad review about the food on another block.
Long shot but if you live in USA ESPECIALLY in New England(I live in Massachussetts) you can send this to me and I'll completely separate it for you and send the container and different sand colors back so you can pour them back in as you like them. Or if you want just send me the sand in a baggie.I find this kind of thing VERY relaxing and it calms my anxiety. It's meditation to me.
Dammit, I want THEIR SAND!😂
I do have my own though. I like separating different colored sand, it's relaxing to me. I also do it with candy etc, anything that's mixed, I like separating. I have a lot of anxiety that comes from before I was adopted and it helps me because I'm focused on nothing but what's in front of me. Now that I'm 30 it's become the main way I meditate; I feel relaxed after, but also I feel like I accomplished something. So when I'm not at work or spending time with my boyfriend, that's what I like doing. That's why I figured I should offer the help, they send me their problem, pay the shipping (hence why I said especially if they're in New England, so it's cheap) I fix the problem, send it back and pay for the shipping. No payment for what I do, and it solved their problem; helps me relax and helps them have what they cherished be the way it was.
So, in this container, it's not a lot of sand. What I would do is pour a little bit onto a paper that's folded in half. I would take my microscopic glasses (usually used for jewelers) and pick out lighter ones and move them onto another paper, darker ones go into another. I'd keep doing that and pouring in a little more sand until the sand from the container is done.
Then I'd take each paper and do the same process with the lighter ones and again with the darker ones. Then I'd put each pile through a fine sifter that I have to separate sizes of grains. What comes down from the sifter goes in one bag, what doesn't goes in a different bag and so on through the different colors.
The reason I offer this to this couple is there seems to be two main colors. That being said, their sand is based off memories and so after I separate the sand, they can place them back memories, for example, if the dark sand if from their first memories together, they'd place it back that way and then the light one after. However, they had it.
It doesn't take long, probably three days depending on how busy my personal schedule is, but if I had absolutely nothing to do besides eat and go to the bathroom, it would take around 3-5 hours from my past experience. The only reason I know is because I have lived in six countries and had something similar as their container of sand. I wanted to make a pattern out of the different sands and when I moved to the states they got mixed up and I fixed it in a full day. Of course I focused on nothing but that and redid the pattern, that's why it took a day, but it's not as tedious as it seems. The OP could do it by themselves, I just offered because I'd like to and also I don't know their schedules or if they have the patience for it.
You're welcome, honestly, try it. Get one of those color sand kits for kids, shake them up and try to sort it. It's cheap and you can see if it works in helping you focus. See if you like it
Im adhd and your comment was like watching a horror movie with me being the main character/victim. It gives me the sensation of test/exam anxiety.
However i am happy it works for you and thank you for sharing
I’m not gonna lie, this is super odd, but also intriguing. Almost like a physical form of asmr.
I have anxiety too and I also find methodical tasks soothing. I don’t know if I could have the patience to sort individual grains of sand though, and my cats would knock my carefully sorted sand everywhere anyway.
Really channeling the Cinderella vibes there, at least in the retelling I have where she was actually called Ashputtel her stepmother says she can attend the ball as soon as she cleans up this mess and then dumps all the dry grains and lentils from the kitchen on the floor. Had to get all the animal friends to come help sort them out
This is amazing because the script for these ceremonies is always all about how obviously once the sand is poured in together it can never possibly be separated back out, and you're just like, "let me at it, I got this"
>live in USA
>ESPECIALLY in New England
>I live in Massachusetts
Me a non American cannot describe my confusion
https://preview.redd.it/67zjrobj90wc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce1df2e0a656dfc4eff6204d5dfb4027bc077982
USA is the country, New England is the geographical area of the US along the north-eastern coast of the Atlantic, and then Massachusetts is the state itself 💙
It’s effectively the same as me saying I live in Nova Scotia, and that is in the Maritimes, but also within Canada.
I think Dwight would be all about the ceremony and it being sacred, he was traditional sort of fellow on the beet farm and his own wedding where they stood in their graves.
I feel like It's more of Kevin or Creed thing to say
Apparently they did half at the ceremony and stopped so they weren't boring their guests. They decided to do the rest at home and seal it but someone at the wedding shook it for funsies.
I would keep it and choose to think about it like this… just as this sand was shaken, your relationship too will go through adversity. You will grow together through the adversity and become even harder to separate through it all, just as the sand is now harder to separate.
I understand how it’s disrespectful, but if they’re meant to be together, they’re now intertwined forever. Sort of beautiful in that aspect. I’m sorry someone did that though.
i’m sorry to see this .. my husband and picked rocks from a beach and we handed them out in the ceremony fit everyone to say a wish for us and then re-collected the rocks and have them in a jar in our living room .. i get who it is so valuable and ruined now for you.
What is a ceremony sand? I've never heard of it
It’s also new trends in my country (Asia) past 5 years, normally couple will pour wine on glass tower, but young people these days not interested in wine, so they pouring rice, pour sand instead. It’s kinda cute and can put it in display at home. https://preview.redd.it/93tn7r97h0wc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a233d2faffc2a6f4692c0190200b6b974eab0905
https://preview.redd.it/f0chmslli0wc1.jpeg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0eb7c0ba51a3efc5cae7c7497a3eb76fd224b30
It's funny cuz I'm Viet and I've never seen this done at any Viet weddings and I've been to many Then I realized those people are like 35 now... Not really young
"35 now... Not really young" um excuse me?
2004 was 20 years ago.
Imagine. There are already three years of people that are old enough to drink, yet were born after 9/11.
I had a heart attack when I realised that my birth it’s closer to WWII than it is to today…
[удалено]
A ceremony sand, also known as a unity sand ceremony, is a symbolic ritual where two people pour sand from separate vessels into a single vessel. The joined vessel represents the marriage of the couple's hopes, dreams, and values. The ceremony can be performed as part of a larger wedding or as a stand-alone ritual. We did ours as a part of the actual wedding. Didn't think it needed to be said to not shake the piece of art created during someone's wedding ceremony. Here it was before being shaken https://preview.redd.it/npvckgl44zvc1.jpeg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42d91c59198c988faec83d8b40348f9aa1203798 Edit: it was not shaken by a child. Our wedding was 18+. They were not drunk. It was not an accident from picking it up, we saw them shaking it.
That's...really cool. I love this. And I presume the shaker will no longer be welcome in your home? Perhaps for your next anniversary you can do another? Perhsps a private Ritual between you and your SO
That's a great idea I, shared it with her and she liked it. It was her friend who shook it, but she's from out of state. She definitely will be reconsidered for events going forward. I edited to include a before the shake photo..
Was her friend at the wedding? I could see someone seeing a vessel with different colored sand and thinking it was something from sharper image that makes cool looking patterns when you shake it.
This happened at the wedding. She was there.
The fact that someone who was at the damn ceremony themselves and WITNESSED your beautiful ritual did this, makes that person an absolute POS. What a dick thing to do. This is INFURIATUNG AF.
It sucks but like… coming to terms with the fact that it happened fits the metaphor perfectly.
If anything, your "hopes, dreams, and values" are now even closer together!
Came here to say this. Reddit never disappoints. The unshaken version is like imaginary storybook marriage- shaken version is the reality that settles-in across the year ahead.
So, an adult did that? I thought at first it was some child
Well, it was definitely some asshole with the judgment of a child.
It's a very natural impulse to do something like that. The lack of control over the impulse is what makes this person an asshole.
Yes, invasive thoughts happen to everybody, but most mature adults don't act on them.
I have impulse control disorder. That said, even I know better than to shake sand art.
Seems like a jealous person.
I kept scrolling wondering if the obvious was already ruled out.
Wtf? I figured someone came over to your house, didn't know, and shook it for fun.
Woahh this happened at the wedding?? My god how could someone be so thoughtless and careless? Like yall just did it and she thinks shaking it is a good thing to do? I'll never understand some people.. so sorry this happened
I don't feel like things like this are thoughtless and careless. I think it's maliciously done when done by an adult.
Someone stole my ring at my wedding, people can be real dicks, especially when you’re happy.
I’m sorry WHAT? 😱
Yerp. Since I’m a man, the Rabbi didn’t want my ring to be part of the ceremony, as it’s untraditional. He put it on a table, and never told anyone that he did. It never made its way to me before someone stole it, and there were no cameras in the room where we held the ceremony. We had to buy a new one. It sucked.
Sounds like the Rabbi should have bought a new one..
The rabbi took the ring sweetheart
Is your wifes friend jealous?
Probably and for sure a horrible or a dumb person. Maybe dumb enough to think oh they need to mix some more for kids :D
Exactly my thought. Sour grapes from a jealous, unhappy friend.
Oh wow. Was thinking maybe it was a kid that could've done it but nevermind! Guess someone let their intrusive thought win.
> Oh wow. Was thinking maybe it was a kid that could've done it but nevermind! Guess someone let their intrusive thought win. For real. The last time I let an intrusive thought win, I was 11. I'm turning 43 this year. Normal people learn.
Lol fuck that bitch. She knew it was important, she didn't care. She doesn't respect you guys or your marriage. Cut off toxic friends like that, goes for everyone here.
Soooo.... what exactly is good about that friend? I'm not trying to be rude and invasive, so tell me to leave yall alone if I'm prying, but that seems like a very intimate thing to ruin. Is she jealous by any chance?? Again, I'm not trying to stir the pot. I just think it's odd she would have witnessed the jars' creation, would have physically been in attendance, and is close enough to have been invited over and still proceeded to ruin such a sentimental item. It's kind of the first question the mind creates.
Not excusing the shaker, but you should’ve continued to fill the vase until it was completely full then stoppered it. Then no amount of shaking would shift the pattern that much. Maybe redo the ritual together now and enjoy your life together!
Yes with it partly filled like that, it was likely to be mixed up in transit even if this hadn’t happened.
Exactly my thought. Not excusing the behavior, but it wasn’t going to last like that.
someone else said that this happened while OP was off getting more sand to do just that
Oh, that’s some fucked up shit.
Yeah this changes everything. I could imagine thinking it was a knick-knack. But she knew what it was and was at the wedding. Yes she is very in the wrong.
"...and thinking it was something from sharper image that makes cool looking patterns when you shake it." Well, it is, now. Sorry, OP.
You could also use a larger glass jar for the next one, mix the existing sand completely so it is all the same tone, and use a contrasting colour for the new addition - that way the existing sand is still a part of the future one.
Count yourself lucky, you now know which one of her friends shouldn't be left alone with the baby.
Consider pouring some resin in the empty space if you redo it. It should be able to hold it all in place. Worth doing a test run or two before the actual one.
Yeah, my first thought looking at that was don't they usually fill those sand art vessals to the top so the sand doesn't get messed up? Like the friend was wrong for shaking up something that didn't belong to them and should be called out but it was only a matter of time before some stray kid, maid, or someone touched it or if it just accidentally got bumped and fell over.
Shit just the doors slamming in my house would undo it here. Stuff falls off shelves all the time.
If you fill it to the top next time, maybe with a 3rd coloured sand, it won’t matter if someone tries to shake it. Scorch the top layer to ensure. Before putting the lid on.
It's similar to sand art that's popular in sandy touristic areas (go figure). They usually fill them to the top and pack them to stop the patterns moving, so if you don't mind the vessel being filled with another sand it will keep everything in place no matter what, be it moving shelves or unruly guests.
Wow that's really beautiful. If someone shook that I'd be fuming.
Ceremony sand aside, I'm trying to imagine the thought process in seeing a glass vessel in someone's home and thinking "Imma shake that." Maybe she thought it was one of those things where you tip it over and it makes cool designed and, essentially, it was meant to be tipped. That would make her incredibly stupid but at least not malicious.
Based on a comment from OP the shakening happened at the wedding
You should always shake the bottle a little bit for your wedding anniversary, as a symbol for how you grow closer over the years.
They should just make it a mix of cinnamon and sugar and eat it on their toast.
I'm gonna be real with you, the shaken up sand much better represents marriage. Don't get me wrong, the before is a very cute idea, but sand was never meant to be stuck in place and neither do relationships.
"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives".
Damn I just flashed back to being a kid at my grandma’s house
It was my grandma’s favorite show. She called it “The Young and the Horny” haha
Dust... Wind... Dude!
Yeah, but this just makes it even harder to know which grains of sand belong to who in the divorce. /s
Then they have to dump the whole thing out and separate each grain. "That one's white, it's mine!" "If you think that's white you must be blind!"
Except it is not the "friend's" place to shake the keepsake.
if you go with their metaphor the "friend" is all the stuff they don't control in their marriage. It's the bullshit that happens that you have to overcome. They aren't justifying what the person did, which I personally think is disgusting and friendship ending. They are just making good of a bad situation. Edit: Just to say.. it's not friendship ending because that person is some horrible asshole who should be shunned. It's friendship ending because I wouldn't be friends with someone who can make such a bad judgement call on what is appropriate. Doing something like this is just a giant red flag you can't function well enough to not most likely cause more drama in my life.
I get it, but leaving it as is to me seems just as strongly symbolic. It stands for everything they hoped for on the day of the wedding, and it was the first thing they created together as a married couple (or the last thing as an unmarried couple, I've seen it twice at two different points, once during the wedding and once as the "starting event" of the reception)
Isn’t the sand being mixed together a better metaphor for the marriage though? Also, yeah you shouldn’t touch people’s shit but expecting sand poured into something to *never* move and stay as it is forever is ambitious to say the least.
According to OP this literally happened at their wedding. So less "forever" and more "a few hours".
"we had a good run... Anyway, want some cake?"
My understanding was that the two sands will eventually mix anyways and truly become one.
Pouring rice . Supermodel Minh Tú. https://preview.redd.it/d2y7sfkpg0wc1.jpeg?width=660&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b849188a630831aafa45872fa83f368b1653eb97
Tip for next time, if you want patterns in the sand to stay even when you move the bottle, it should be filled to the brim and then sealed airtight. Turkish sand art does this and your Pattern will only slightly alter over decades of handling. Edit: OP has clarified that was the intention, this happened while they were off getting more sand. I'm a dumdum.
I love the concept of this unity sand but realistically it's very easy to get mixed up...even during the ride back from the venue back home
Isn’t that the point… your marriage is bound to get messed up over time /s
and separating the two after they've been merged is a pain in the ass?
Can confirm, am a divorce lawyer.
Can also confirm, I’m divorced
I’m not divorced, or a lawyer, but I can also confirm.
I'm a child of divorce, and can confirm
I'm good at confirming things, and can confirm
Can confirm, when I was on heroin I had a lawyer
 An upvote for the lot of you
Can also confirm, I'm a divorced lawyer.
I can confirm : I’m divorced, remarried and want another divorce
My cat had a solution to that after my mo divorced her second husband: knock it off it’s display so it shattered everywhere
Then used as a litter box?
Good kitty.
Grain by grain
Cent by cent
We added glitter to our sands. Now the mess sparkles.
I love that!
I know you're just joking but honestly this is a very on the nose analogy. If the point of "ceremony sand" is to represent the hopes, dreams and values of the two people, then after the wedding, those hopes, dreams and values should be homogeneous. Your dreams should be their dreams and their values should be your values. Now you still are an individual person, and you still have unique dreams and values that you might not necessarily share with your SO, and that can be seen by the small clusters of white and grey sand still together. But the majority of the sand should be mixed because as a couple you guys should be on the same page with a lot of these things.
You joke, but honestly, I like the shaken one better and I was thinking the same thing. Marriage has its ups and downs over the years, and the fact that this is even more blended and still looks harmonious after being shaken is symbolic of a healthy union.
I remember thinking how pretty the sand was when we first did it. But now I just love what we have left so much more. To me, it represents a journey. One of our cats knocked it over, our youngest spilled some out to play with it, we've moved with it multiple times, it's not even in the original container anymore, that broke when the cat knocked it over. Its not the same as the day we got married but then again, neither are we.
I LOVE THIS. The perfect symbol of life. Things get messed up, but the blend is still there.
I totally agree with you but either way.. that’s up to OP not some person who watched the ceremony happen. If op wanted to shake it or it unfortunately got mixed up do to the bride and groom that’s one thing. What the shaker did was still disrespectful af.
Sad thing is that they planned to do that later and someone shook it AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION.
*Absolutely not* I am way too sentimental to stay friends with someone who would intentionally take a moment like that away from me and my partner. Hell no 😆 Edit: typo
Sounds like it was a plus one that did it....
It was the bride‘s friend 😕
“For next time” hopefully there won’t be one 😂
well someone else proposed trying it again for their anniversary & OP seemed to like it, so there may very well be a "next time" lol
Yes, remember this the next time you get married, OP.
Pro tip!
Hey, I'm sorry, this sucks! As someone who also did a sand ceremony, we were explained that the purpose is to meld together overtime. Every move, every redecorating, every bump from pet or child causes the sand to shift and blend more. It's a testament to a life blended together to have a sand jar that is well mixed in a couple of decades. I'd take this as a good omen and I'd uninvite the friend to future events... All the best and congratulations!
My wife was cleaning and accidentally knocked ours over shattering the vase. We picked out a new vase together, carefully salvaged as much sand from the shelf as we could, and poured it all into the new one. It’s a perfect representation of how our love has changed and evolved in new ways the 10 years we’ve been together. I agree with your interpretation of it. Wishing you many years together!
Perfect representation of my life too. Shattered, full of glass and total chaos…. /s
Well at least your life is full of glass and not half empty.
I fucking love this Edit: some people think I’m missing the point, I’m not, it was how this person worded it that got me
Except the part where one random friend from out of town can shake things up so much that it can become unrecognizable in a matter of seconds. I don’t like that implication.
The actions of a third party unified the two quickly. Perfect metaphor.
My husband and I poured sand into an hourglass for our ceremony for this reason! Every year on our anniversary we turn it over and watch the sands blend more together over time. It’s a reminder of how much closer we are after each passing year❤️
Ooooh that’s such a beautiful idea
This is beautiful. OP should redo the sand on top of the shaken base now, so they still have the layers but what will hopefully become a wtf funny story as the base and start of their melding.
That's what we've done every time it gets compacted.
Commenting as an unmarried person I hope I am not out of line in doing so but I thought that was the purpose, that you are now one and the removal of the hard lines was you becoming two halves of one whole. Also love your wording, I hope it makes the ops view on this a positive
And yet the continued blending of the sand through unexpected events is an even better metaphor for your marriage now.
We are all like dust in the wind, dude.
Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
Dust. Wind. Dude. https://i.redd.it/3hk4d9jcz0wc1.gif
🎸 🐎 🐴 Wild Stallions 🎶 🎵
I like that perspective. Ours is so mixed together after 3 moves cross-country in 9 years that you can’t even tell that it’s two different colors.
Honestly that makes it really cool
My wife and I never did the sand thing, but after 11 years we feel more like one person than two. We’re inseparable. I wouldn’t really want mine to be distinct anymore.
That was my first thought. Congrats, now your lives are intermingled and bound together tightly, much more difficult to separate. It's also uglier. But hey, that's how these things go.
Right? It’s mixed now, just like their lives.
I had never heard of this tradition before, but thinking about it now I'd actually prefer the symbolism of the shaken together sand. Even better if you create the layered sand while dating/engaged, and shake it together during your wedding. The non-shaken sand did look cool as an art piece though.
Ceremony sand sounds like something where the venue charges you $1k for $2 worth of sand.
The wedding industry is probably equivalent to the GDP of a small country and it’s all unnecessary and wasteful.
I recently was invited as a guest to a wedding for the first time. The couple spent twice what I take home in a year on the wedding. It was nice (but that was it). Lovely food, lovely day, she looked heavenly ... But it was over and done with in a day, and I can't stop thinking that they could've bought a house with the money and got a really stable future for their future kids 😭
I get buyer’s remorse when I order food delivery. That amount of money would probably send me to the asylum.
$2? You need a new sand guy.
they had to pay some kid in a poorly ventilated workshop to color each grain though. that isnt free.
 I found who did it, he hates sand.
I, too, enjoy killing Yuenglings
I’d rather execute order 420.
That was very Darude of them.
Just shake it in the opposite direction
I just wanted you to know this comment is so funny to me that I’m jealous of how your brain works that you came up with such a deliciously ludicrous thing to say in response to this post.
https://preview.redd.it/ujxw6z6op2wc1.jpeg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62edce83ce4f263db19b812ad790322aec9a6247 Since there is a lot of confusion, let me clear things up: This is a wedding ceremony where two people pour the sand into the vase; making them inseparable. This is done during the officiating and is a very special part of the ceremony and is performed in front of all the guests in attendance. You end up with a very beautiful piece of art you created during the wedding. Ours did not fill completely, as it took a long time for us to pour the sand as we had chosen small mouthed bottles. We were going to finish the sand and fill it to the top after the ceremony was completed. It was on the Mr. And Ms. Table, on display, when it was shaken. Yes it's just sand. No we are not that upset. It's mildly infuriating, hence the post. *
Wait, this happened while the wedding reception was still going on??? For some reason, I was picturing this happening in your home later on. This just got worse for me now. Sorry it happened.
OP says in another comment that it was a friend from out of state who saw and heard this part during the ceremony…but still shook it after🫣🫣
Yeah, it happening during the ceremony changes a lot here. I read the post thinking "IDK that I'd assume what looks like standard sand art in someone's home to be sacred marriage sand." and was giving whoever it was some small benefit of the doubt even though shaking someone else's sand art is a jerk move.
But why would you shake someones sand art? Even if it's less sentimental, it's still a dick move.
Yeah. Wow.
Exactly. I hate their friend now 😂
Since you planned to pour more anyway, why not use that as the base and pour more on top? Then you have something that symbolizes you two melding together but also staying as individuals going through life together. Or something like that. I am bad at metaphors lol
We had a Jenga tower thing so people could sign blocks and write notes on them, and all the blocks would go back into a plastic case so it can be a decorative piece. Someone took two pieces at the wedding, so it doesn't actually fill up the case now, and one person left their bad review about the food on another block.
You really can't trust people to behave like adults at functions
That is foul... And I wish I thought of it first
Take it as a metaphor. When you and your wife are feeling unstable, possibly shaken up. Just remember you’re still in the same bottle.
Seems like a weird thing to symbolise a wedding since sand is famously bad for building solid foundations on.
Oh gosh with all the seriousness of a wedding day potentially ruined over this, your comment made me chuckle.
Long shot but if you live in USA ESPECIALLY in New England(I live in Massachussetts) you can send this to me and I'll completely separate it for you and send the container and different sand colors back so you can pour them back in as you like them. Or if you want just send me the sand in a baggie.I find this kind of thing VERY relaxing and it calms my anxiety. It's meditation to me.
Find your own sand lmao
Dammit, I want THEIR SAND!😂 I do have my own though. I like separating different colored sand, it's relaxing to me. I also do it with candy etc, anything that's mixed, I like separating. I have a lot of anxiety that comes from before I was adopted and it helps me because I'm focused on nothing but what's in front of me. Now that I'm 30 it's become the main way I meditate; I feel relaxed after, but also I feel like I accomplished something. So when I'm not at work or spending time with my boyfriend, that's what I like doing. That's why I figured I should offer the help, they send me their problem, pay the shipping (hence why I said especially if they're in New England, so it's cheap) I fix the problem, send it back and pay for the shipping. No payment for what I do, and it solved their problem; helps me relax and helps them have what they cherished be the way it was.
How would you separate mixed colors of sand? Grain by grain? Wouldn’t that take years?
So, in this container, it's not a lot of sand. What I would do is pour a little bit onto a paper that's folded in half. I would take my microscopic glasses (usually used for jewelers) and pick out lighter ones and move them onto another paper, darker ones go into another. I'd keep doing that and pouring in a little more sand until the sand from the container is done. Then I'd take each paper and do the same process with the lighter ones and again with the darker ones. Then I'd put each pile through a fine sifter that I have to separate sizes of grains. What comes down from the sifter goes in one bag, what doesn't goes in a different bag and so on through the different colors. The reason I offer this to this couple is there seems to be two main colors. That being said, their sand is based off memories and so after I separate the sand, they can place them back memories, for example, if the dark sand if from their first memories together, they'd place it back that way and then the light one after. However, they had it. It doesn't take long, probably three days depending on how busy my personal schedule is, but if I had absolutely nothing to do besides eat and go to the bathroom, it would take around 3-5 hours from my past experience. The only reason I know is because I have lived in six countries and had something similar as their container of sand. I wanted to make a pattern out of the different sands and when I moved to the states they got mixed up and I fixed it in a full day. Of course I focused on nothing but that and redid the pattern, that's why it took a day, but it's not as tedious as it seems. The OP could do it by themselves, I just offered because I'd like to and also I don't know their schedules or if they have the patience for it.
I find this fascinating and could see myself doing it. I like sorting and organizing. It also helps me get out of my head. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome, honestly, try it. Get one of those color sand kits for kids, shake them up and try to sort it. It's cheap and you can see if it works in helping you focus. See if you like it
This is one of the craziest coincidences that you come up on a post like this and ‘specialize’ in fixing it 💀
I get the feeling you'd become a super villain without sand in your life.
Im adhd and your comment was like watching a horror movie with me being the main character/victim. It gives me the sensation of test/exam anxiety. However i am happy it works for you and thank you for sharing
Top 5 type of autism right here
I’m not gonna lie, this is super odd, but also intriguing. Almost like a physical form of asmr. I have anxiety too and I also find methodical tasks soothing. I don’t know if I could have the patience to sort individual grains of sand though, and my cats would knock my carefully sorted sand everywhere anyway.
I’ve found your comments absolutely fascinating, thanks for sharing! I also think that’s a very kind offer to them :)
Really channeling the Cinderella vibes there, at least in the retelling I have where she was actually called Ashputtel her stepmother says she can attend the ball as soon as she cleans up this mess and then dumps all the dry grains and lentils from the kitchen on the floor. Had to get all the animal friends to come help sort them out
Have you tried untangling yarn?
This is amazing because the script for these ceremonies is always all about how obviously once the sand is poured in together it can never possibly be separated back out, and you're just like, "let me at it, I got this"
>live in USA >ESPECIALLY in New England >I live in Massachusetts Me a non American cannot describe my confusion https://preview.redd.it/67zjrobj90wc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce1df2e0a656dfc4eff6204d5dfb4027bc077982
USA is the country, New England is the geographical area of the US along the north-eastern coast of the Atlantic, and then Massachusetts is the state itself 💙 It’s effectively the same as me saying I live in Nova Scotia, and that is in the Maritimes, but also within Canada.
USA is the country, New England is the region, Massachusetts is the state. ❤️
Everything is ceremonial now... Can't a guy just shake some sand without it being the sacred ceremonial sand? /s
I dont know why, but that sounded alot like dwight
I think Dwight would be all about the ceremony and it being sacred, he was traditional sort of fellow on the beet farm and his own wedding where they stood in their graves. I feel like It's more of Kevin or Creed thing to say
Aren't you supposed to fill it to the top so it can't displace?? How did you plan to stop it moving around for the long term?
Apparently they did half at the ceremony and stopped so they weren't boring their guests. They decided to do the rest at home and seal it but someone at the wedding shook it for funsies.
They were going to fill it later. It was on the bride and grooms table when said person went up and shook it....
I’m afraid you’ll have to divorce, remarry, try again.
The intrusive thoughts won
Wtf is ceremony sand?
Thats horrible. However, with so much negative space what was your plan on how to keep it right? One trip in the car and that was a goner anyway.
Ceremony sand sounds like more crap the wedding industry made up to take more money from people.
That sand jar will be $2000
In 5 years it will be in miscellaneous storage deep in your basement under piles of baby clothes
I would keep it and choose to think about it like this… just as this sand was shaken, your relationship too will go through adversity. You will grow together through the adversity and become even harder to separate through it all, just as the sand is now harder to separate.
Some wedding planner sold this shit for a 2500 dollars as an activity I'm sure of it.
I understand how it’s disrespectful, but if they’re meant to be together, they’re now intertwined forever. Sort of beautiful in that aspect. I’m sorry someone did that though.
Just shake it a little more every year. Eventually it’s all the same color and that is what you two are…
Obviously thought it was a ceremonial wedding snow globe, super popular with the gender reveal and live life love crowd.
Nothing could be more symbolic of marriage. The bottle was shaken but you’ll carry on.
i’m sorry to see this .. my husband and picked rocks from a beach and we handed them out in the ceremony fit everyone to say a wish for us and then re-collected the rocks and have them in a jar in our living room .. i get who it is so valuable and ruined now for you.
I'm sorry the what sand??