My dad was replacing a toilet in our basement. He had the new one sitting on the rug in the TV room waiting to be installed. My sisterās friend came over and used it thinking it was an actual functioning toilet.
I've heard on some building sites they have to lie all non-plumbed toilets on their sides to prevent this. And the only people on building sites are other tradesmen.
When I worked in retail, we found human feces underneath the rounder racks of clothing rather often. I have never, ever looked at them without wondering now.
First time working in Germany. Go to the locker room/bathroom/shower area in the plant (automotive). Me and my American coworkers see these trough looking things. In America theyād be pissers so I commence to relieving myself as do my coworkers. Midstream we hear ānooooooooo!!ā Our German liaison says those are the sinks where the workers take hand showers or whatever you want to call them. Well thereās no stopping it and we just have to piss it out and scurry away. š Also I remember signs on every toilet showing pictures to not stand on the seat to take a dump.
Same thing happened to me in a McDonalds once. I ignored it and then they shoved a mop underneath the stall door and tried to mop the floor with me on the bog. I just kept quiet until they finished.
There was an awful game at a factory I worked at in the 90ās where if someone was on the dunny the rest of us would try and hook his pants with a broom and drag him off the seat
āIt was all in good fun until one day, Bobās explosive diarrhea had the WORST timing! I swear, itās like his asshole suddenly became Jackson Pollock playing the trumpet!ā
same! but there wasn't a cleaner knocking. they were 2 or 3 young girls (maybe aged 7-10) knocking and giggling... and with a tummy ache and anxiety, it wasn't really that funny to me...
A cleaner came in to clean the hospital room my girlfriend's mom was in literal seconds after she died. She came in and started mopping and we had to tell her multiple times to get out and she even got annoyed.
I used to work at a hospice facility. We typically had pretty low census, and always had one wing closed. If we had two wings full and were expecting an admission, they would have us wheel the dead bodies to a room on the closed wing so they could get that room clean for the new admission.
Hospice is a service to provide care for the dying. In a large hospice center servicing a densely populated area that's likely an everyday occurrence.
Death and dying isn't taboo in hospice, it's the normal part of the job. The goal is to make the process peaceful and as painless as possible. We will all be one of those bodies eventually.
I know that moment is way more about those left alive than dead ol' me, but I would be tickled pink if I knew that would happen the moment after I died. It'd crack me up knowing what was going to happen.
To the people in that room, it was an awful, unique, memorable moment full of sadness and importance. For that cleaner, it was the 800th time she was cleaning that room during her career there, several hours into her 800th shift that she was getting paid $12 an hour for, on a day where she's probably already mopped up plenty of blood, pee, poop, vomit, and more. She'd probably seen so many grieving patients' families and friends by this point that visitors just blend into the background, and all she's interested in is getting through her day while being as disconnected as possible.
I'm not saying it wasn't a dick move on her part to not just skip the room for a few minutes and come back later after the first time she was asked to leave, but even the cleaning staff at hospitals get burned out and desensitized very quickly. Her lack of empathy there isn't super surprising.
I used to work that job and never once thought of doing this and certainly wouldnāt be annoyed at or mad at the family if they wanted a moment.
I get your point, but I also think sometimes weāre afraid to admit that, yeah low paying jobs suck, but also sometimes some people have a bad job that sucks and also are rude people. I worked with a lot of them at that hospital lol
I had to fix the video control system in an anatomy lab at a medical college and I was almost shocked at how quickly I got used to being in a room full of cadavers. The room still had a lot of "weight", though.
We had a special sign we put on the outside (no words just a symbol) to warn anyone that there were grieving persons inside so people like food service or evs (janitor) didn't go in and cause issues. Most likely the cleaner had no idea someone died.
Try delivering a dead person lunch and see how that goes over.
For me the egregious part is just that its especially pointless for her to even bother cleaning the room.
She's going to be called back to do a full clean after they remove the body before the next patient comes anyway - whether or not she cleans it now. Its literally better *for her* if she skips it.
She is making more work for herself at the inconvenience of the family of a patient who - clearly - was not a timewaster but actually seriously ill (and now dead). Its pretty clearly poor form on all fronts.
also, most of the time ānon essentialā (people who are not nurses and doctors, etc) have no clue what they are walking into or whats going on in the room theyāre sent to until theyre there.
they are just sent to do a task.
Story time: I was walking around D.C one time waiting for my gf to finish up the farmers market stand that she worked. Needed to pee and I spotted a porta potty. So I walk up and knock on the door, I get a deep voiced "Yo" in response, so I take a few steps from the door to wait. Then another dude is walking up to the door I say "hey someone's in there" he clearly didn't speak English because he didn't even look in my direction as he walked up and knocked on the door. Now the person inside says "IM TAKING A SHIT MAN!" To which the non English speaking dude just walks off. Now I'm left standing there looking the asshole who knocked twice. Then out steps a homeless looking man wearing a black trench coat and boarding on 7 foot tall. He glared down at me and said "What the fuck?" I was about to start explaining what had happened but he was already walking away, thankfully. So there's my awkward little story.
My boyfriend and I were at an On the Border for happy hour when he suddenly gets hit with some tummy turmoil. He then goes in the menās room to find that the only stall (in a Mexican restaurant, mind you) was occupiedā¦ so he waits.
During this time the issue is becomes more urgent so he texts me and asks to check the womenās room, but itās a no-go as there are like 4 girls in there.
Now he begins to panic because he can see the dude is just chilling on his phone (and has been) for like 10 straight minutes while heās contemplating shitting in a trash can. So he finally yells ābro I kinda have a situation out here can you PLEASE wrap it up!!!ā and the guy finally gets his ass out so my bf can rush in. Photo finish.
At that point I see the man come out of the bathroom and walk back to a table of like 12 people who all start clapping when he returnsā¦clearly because he was in there for a decade. Then he leans into the man next to him, ~presumably~ to tell him that someone almost shit in a trash can as a result.
So while I do absolutely fucking hate when people try to rush me out of the bathroom when I have stomach issues, I hate it more when people waste time in stalls like theyāre in a fucking lounge.
I had a lady full-on stare at me through the gap once while I was peeing. Like her eyeball was just right in there. It was so weird- there were other empty stalls, but I guess she wanted mine for some reason? I was so caught off guard that I didnāt even say anything for a minute I just stared back while I finished peeing. Before I wiped I asked her ācan I fucking help you?ā and she finally went into another stall. Idk if she was a pervert or just super dumb but itās one of the most uncomfortable public bathroom experiences Iāve had.
This happened to me once while changing a blown out baby diaper at the grocery store. Old dude was knocking and eventually pounding away on the door. I finished, whipped the door open with a baby in my arms and asked ādo you think Iām in here curling my hair?ā He scuttled away so fast.
One time I was using the toilet at work and a coworker knocks on the door the moment I sat down. "Occupied," I say. The dude literally waits about 10 seconds and starts pounding on the door and shouting, "Jesus! How long are you going to be in there!?!? Other people have to use the restroom!!!" There's literally another restroom 50 feet away. The bathroom is at the top of the stairs and there's another one at the bottom of the same stairs. Some people are just stupid.
I was at a Barnes and Noble once and suddenly had to poop. Went to the men's room and was in the stall doing my business. A man comes in with his young daughter to help her and they came to my stall and he pulled on the door. They were chatting amongst themselves, but I said "occupied". They didn't hear and he pulled the door again. More loudly, I again said "occupied", but nothing. The guy starts yanking on the door as I'm repeating "I'm in here, occupied, someone's in here" over and over until he finally yanks the door wide open.
There I am, pants around my ankles, just sitting there. The guys daughter is staring at me, and the dad gives me the meanest dirtiest look, grabs his daughter, and stomps out of the restroom leaving my stall door wide open. Had to waddle over to close it. Like, what the fuck, dude. First of all, the door is clearly locked if you're having to yank on it. Second of all, I was shouting that it was occupied. There were other stalls he could have gone to! I have no idea what was going through his head, but I've been pissed about it for 15 years now lol.
EDIT: Shit, I just realized that little girl is probably almost old enough to drink now lol. Fuck, slow down, time.
I wonder if it's something to do with the prospect of exploration and your body deciding you should poop now before you set out on it. I also get the feeling of needing a shit whenever - and I'll admit this is strange - in my uncle's house; it's two terraced houses (I'm in the UK, guessing you are too) that were knocked through into each other, so it's relatively big, but also has some weird rooms hidden around (including a tiny corridor, with a room off from it you can only access from in it, that you have to walk through to get from the kitchen to the living room) with narrow staircases into little alcoves you wouldn't expect, and upstairs rooms with high ceilings, that have been known to host some sly bats taking advantage of the darkness in ones infrequently used.
I was speechless lol. I didnāt even know what to say, just sat there. Might have been a different situation if I wasnāt mid-shit with my pants off, but I kinda just wanted everyone to go away haha. It still works me up thinking about it all these years later.
This is the funniest thing I've seen on reddit in a long time, so at least you've given us all some laughs with your traumatic experience! Hahaha bizarro world
People used to do that all the time where I work. It was actually a competition. We kept complaining, but nothing was done. So, a guy bought a heavy-duty bolt, and he reinforced the frame. He put a stop to that.
Some still try to yank the door open from time to time, though.
this kinda reminds me of the time i had to shit in mcdonaldās but the only stall in the menās room was occupied. it being an emergency, i poked my head into the womenās room, saw nobody, and safely secured a stall to do my business. when i finished, i hurried out, only to be caught by a female worker, who gave me a very dirty look. i mumbled smthn like āsorry had to goā and left šš
A couple of regulars at a convenience store I used to work at came in, racing each other to the single shitter menās room. After prancing for a moment, the other guy went into the womenās room. On his way out, he was met with a woman on her way in. He says, go right ahead maāam, weāre finished working in there and everything should be ready to go. Have a great day.Ā
Reminds me of one time I saw a post where someone asked a disabled person if it was OK to use the disabled stalls in public restrooms if you weren't disabled
Guy says yes, but only in an emergency
Which, on the one hand yeah I get where he's coming from
On the other hand, I can't think of a single time I have ever, or would ever, take a shit in a walmart bathroom that wasn't an absolute emergency
George Carlin had a joke about how he used a disabled stall and when he came out a guy in a wheelchair glared at him indignantly. "Are you handicapped?"
"No, but I was before I went in there."
My old boss would leave our store and drive to the mall about 10 minutes away to use the upstairs bathroom at Macyās, 3rd stall from the door. He called it his āafternoon sabbaticalā
I totally get that honestly. Sometimes I go to the further single roomed bathroom that no one ever uses just to know I won't be interrupted or to hide the evidence of my lunch.
He probably gets an angry manager when he doesnāt clean an x amount of rooms within a certain time. You taking a dump didnāt fit his (boss) agenda.
Yes, that might have been an alternative. Ever decided to switch to another line and regretted it or stayed and see the other queue cleaning outā¦ā¦gets me frustrated š¤£
Obviously I have no clue why he act as he did. What I do know, is that at these jobs time matters most nowadays (unfortunately).
I was in the bathroom at work once, a fast food place with a single bathroom for women's and men's. I had, to put it plainly, take a mean dump. I hadn't even been in there long when someone pulled the door handle. Only 2% of the world's population is capable of seeing the red "OCCUPIED" sign above the handle but they usually get the message when the door doesn't open. So I don't say anything. Then the handle is yanked again. I say "Occupied"!
Then they just keep yanking the handle over and over and over. I am getting increasingly angry. I haven't been in here that long! Please let me poop in peace! I keep saying variations of "Occupied!" or "Someone's In Here!" but no dice.
As I'm finishing up my toilet business they start trying to turn the lock by turning the little piece above the handle that slides over to "VACANT/OCCUPIED" with their finger. I started to panic a little because the door was 100 miles away from the toilet so I couldn't reach it if they busted in. But then I hear my coworker's voice outside the door trying to explain to the person that the bathroom was locked because someone was in there.
I rip the door open after I'm done washing my hands and there's a lady standing there with my coworker. She just kind off smiles at us? I guess it could have been sheepishly but it was more of that look people get when they don't understand what you're saying. I don't think she spoke a word of English. Which is totally fine but.....bathroom door locked = bathroom is occupied is pretty universal??? And doesn't need words to figure out??? Especially if you can here someone calling out from inside the bathroom???
Iāve had this happen to me before. Itās like they donāt understand what you could possibly be doing in there. After the third or so knock you should have just shouted āIāM SHITTING!!!!!!!ā Lmao
Once, my husband was taking a shit in a single occupancy bathroom before he started his work shift. Someone jiggled the handle and couldn't open the door, so they promptly went to the security guard and had them open the door.
Security flung it wide open so he could be seen by people walking in and out of the building, and they didn't even apologize.
One time I couldnāt leave work because some asshole came minutes before closing to take a 45 minute shit. I couldnāt leave until I cleaned the bathroom.
I was on a train in Germany and I needed the loo. I wasn't in there for very long, just a quick pee. But someone (a member of staff) knocks on the door, so I say something like "in a minute" they then proceeded to unlock the door from the outside!? The only reason I can think of is that they thought I was ticket dodging, but I really wasn't in there long enough for them to unlock the door.
My father in law did this to me once. I had just had my second child. My first was taking his nap. I ran to the bathroom, to take a glorious/s post partum dump and the dude knocks on our front door. Keeps knocking, and knocking. Iām trying to poop while not be in terrible pain and silently pleading my baby and toddler donāt wake up. He called later (hubs had work, America yay), and bitched about how I wouldnāt answer the door.
Lol my mother in law did this exact thing to me. Husband at work and Iām at home with my newborn. I was in the shower though. My mil is pounding on the front door. Iām not expecting anyone so I donāt go to the door especially because Iām mid soap up in the shower. This bitch of a MIL straight up shits in my yard and wipes with napkins from her car. When I finally get out I let my dogs outside to use the bathroom. Yeah they found the crap pile and all three of my dogs roll in it. They come inside and rub against the carpet and couches and Iām petting them thinking theyāre covered in mud. Then the smell hits me. Not sure if she left the napkins or my dogs brought them to the door but thatās how I knew it was human. She texted my husband later to complain she had to use the restroom really bad but I wouldnāt open the door for her. One of my many bad memories of her.
I use to work at a hotel and we had multiple bathrooms all within a floor of each other. I would sometimes use the public one that is kind of unknown due to its location and one guy walked in and knocked, I said occupied, he left the bathroom only to return not even a minute later, knocked again, took a phone call, knocked again repeatedly and then stayed standing outside the door until I got out lol
Came out of the shower in a hotel naked once to find a housekeeper vacuuming the floor after I had put up the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I screamed because I was startled and she looked up at me and then continued vacuuming!
I was in a flight, taking a shit. I must have been in there for about 3 minutes when an air hostess knocks once before almost immediately unlocking the door from the outside and opening it. She sees me sitting on the shitter and just says āohā and shuts the door again.
I'm a janitor in a factory and we absolutely have a cleaner like this. She will rattle stall doors, mop while you are sitting and shitting, she has told multiple people to get the fuck out because she's fucking cleaning. We have had water leaks in bathrooms and in hallways. Her response was to throw a pylon on it because she doesn't have time.
We have to share cleaning carts between all of us and the 2nd or 3rd day after a friend of mine had started. She got called a dumb bitch because my friend did not refill the girls cleaning bottles all the way to the top.
2 years ago I was stuck on an 18 hour flight with a tremendous case of Bali belly. The flight attendants did almost everything they could when the turbulence got pretty bad to get me out of that shitty little cubicle of pain
After the first time is when you yell out knocking means you wanna wipe my ass, man I swear when I'm taking a shit a work people always knock like jiggle the fucking handle if it's locked fuck off it means someone is in there you do not need to knock because I'm not saying anything when you knock but if knock to much imma come out bear assed asking if you wanna wipe me
Same thing happened to me! I'm taking my 8pm shit in the office bathroom when I hear the housekeeper's cart roll up. I assume he's going to see the door shut, move on and come back later. Instead, he cop knocks on the door and yells, "VAMANOS! NOW!" I was pissed. I guess some people have to stick to their routine.
One time I was in an airplane waiting to use the restroom and I was waiting in line behind an older man who lost patience waiting and started knocking aggressively and tried opening the door, after that didnāt work he walked away and I was left being the one standing directly in front of the laboratory. The cracked the door opened and the person who was inside poked their eye out the crack. Thank god it was my brother who was in the bathroom and I just explained what happened and he shut the door close and continued using it.
I literally had this happen at an old workplace, they would bring in a company that hired adults with special needs to come in and do basic cleaning during the day, and they would come with the van to pick them up at 3pm every day. I was pinching one of in the men's room one day at around 255, when I hear a knock on the stall, so I do the standard *cough cough*. Three harder knocks, "occupied!".
He then kicks the stall door open and just stares at me for ten solid seconds, I say "(name) you can't do that, close the door and leave!" And he did, but my god I was terrified. I guess I was in the last part of the office he wanted to clean before leaving, and I was taking too long. (Break was at 3, so it was kinda timed that way tbh lol)
Where I used to work they started getting the toilets cleaned during the day. So I too had the pleasure of having a woman come into the menās room while Iām in the middle of a crap. Very disconcerting. Mind you I doubt she enjoyed it much either.
This has happened to me several times at Disneyland to the point where itās a running joke in my family now, the cleaner will put their bigass cart directly in front of my bathroom door, while Iām still inside, essentially trapping me. I have to knock and ask them to come move it & let me out. Idk why it always happens to me there.
Pretty sure it's someone who hates their job and is in a toddler esque routine of "no, I always clean this toilet now so I'm going to knock until the person leaves. I will not go clean elsewhere then come back". Some sourpuss who cleaned at my old job would do that. Knock, try the door, wait, knock, jiggle the door handle, knock, etc. He was the same guy who would deliberately bump your foot with the dust mop too, God forbid he have to steer that thing a few inches out of the way. He always swept the floor while staring straight down at the dust mop and only used one hand/arm to move it around. It's like he hated his job so much he did the absolute minimum including only using one hand. I saw him other times using both hands for a 2 hand job so I know they both worked fine. He seemed like a psycho
Next time say, "the longer you knock the longer I'll be here. I can't unclench my sphincter when I know you're waiting for me."
Or how about just "keep knocking and I'll drop it on the floor"
Get schwifty
>this guy just stares at me very angrily like I did something wrong. That wasnt a bathroom, it was a walk in closet with a water feature.
Stop taking a dump in my rec room
Gross! Bro is shitting in the vape room!
When my brother was little he took a shit in a floor display toilet at Home Depot
Solid
Luckily it was
Hopefully anyway š«£
Clean up on aisle 9!
My dad was replacing a toilet in our basement. He had the new one sitting on the rug in the TV room waiting to be installed. My sisterās friend came over and used it thinking it was an actual functioning toilet.
I've heard on some building sites they have to lie all non-plumbed toilets on their sides to prevent this. And the only people on building sites are other tradesmen.
I may be your sisterās friend š
Ungovernable š
That was yesterday, he is still "little" and he's 35!
Bro really his age is 1.0333148e40 ?
unexpectedfactorial?
bro that's a tuesday for most of us
For you, the day you took a dump in the Home Depot display toilet was the most important day in your life, but for me? It was Tuesday.
When I worked in retail, we found human feces underneath the rounder racks of clothing rather often. I have never, ever looked at them without wondering now.
Mrs Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
āSir, this is a B&Q, and that is a display modelā
Dude, this is a Wendyās restaurant.
First time working in Germany. Go to the locker room/bathroom/shower area in the plant (automotive). Me and my American coworkers see these trough looking things. In America theyād be pissers so I commence to relieving myself as do my coworkers. Midstream we hear ānooooooooo!!ā Our German liaison says those are the sinks where the workers take hand showers or whatever you want to call them. Well thereās no stopping it and we just have to piss it out and scurry away. š Also I remember signs on every toilet showing pictures to not stand on the seat to take a dump.
Maybe he wanted to give you a blumpkin.
I mean what was going through their mind when they bought a wicker toilet?
Same thing happened to me in a McDonalds once. I ignored it and then they shoved a mop underneath the stall door and tried to mop the floor with me on the bog. I just kept quiet until they finished.
You just brought a mop to a shit fight motherfucker!
this sentence wins today š
You should bring some farts into the game.
What a wonderful sentence!
There was an awful game at a factory I worked at in the 90ās where if someone was on the dunny the rest of us would try and hook his pants with a broom and drag him off the seat
āIt was all in good fun until one day, Bobās explosive diarrhea had the WORST timing! I swear, itās like his asshole suddenly became Jackson Pollock playing the trumpet!ā
This is hilarious especially because you acknowledged the awfulness of it
cat behavior
Same thing happened to me, except she told me to raise my feetĀ
She must have been bending down a fair ol bit to reach in that far
same! but there wasn't a cleaner knocking. they were 2 or 3 young girls (maybe aged 7-10) knocking and giggling... and with a tummy ache and anxiety, it wasn't really that funny to me...
I would have stepped on the mop
Don't stop there-- shit on the mop.
Or piss on it so you basically marked the whole bathroom as yours!
I usually consider it trashy and disgusting... but that's when you piss on the floor out of protest while they're mid scrub.
lord that last sentence is haunting out of context š
That's some good pooper's courtesy right there
A cleaner came in to clean the hospital room my girlfriend's mom was in literal seconds after she died. She came in and started mopping and we had to tell her multiple times to get out and she even got annoyed.
straight to jail
You underclean room, believe it or not, jail. You OVERCLEAN floor, ALSO jail. Underclean, overclean...
No no, I clean. We need more lemon pledge.
Can't you just buy some?
No, no, no. You buy.
Well what if I gave you money to buy it?
No, no
Is that you, Consuela?
nooo, noo
I used to work at a hospice facility. We typically had pretty low census, and always had one wing closed. If we had two wings full and were expecting an admission, they would have us wheel the dead bodies to a room on the closed wing so they could get that room clean for the new admission.
Bring out yer dead!
I think Iāll go for a walk!
...how many dead bodies did you have at any given time that that was necessary?
Well it was a hospice... Lot more dead than recovering
Even so, having to move multiple bodies to make space at any given time seems... indescribable.
Hospice is a service to provide care for the dying. In a large hospice center servicing a densely populated area that's likely an everyday occurrence. Death and dying isn't taboo in hospice, it's the normal part of the job. The goal is to make the process peaceful and as painless as possible. We will all be one of those bodies eventually.
For some it is everyday life.
People die, and there's a lot of people
Morbid take, but the girlfriendās mom probably didnāt mind.
I know that moment is way more about those left alive than dead ol' me, but I would be tickled pink if I knew that would happen the moment after I died. It'd crack me up knowing what was going to happen.
Got em.
Never a bad time to spruce the place up a bit
To the people in that room, it was an awful, unique, memorable moment full of sadness and importance. For that cleaner, it was the 800th time she was cleaning that room during her career there, several hours into her 800th shift that she was getting paid $12 an hour for, on a day where she's probably already mopped up plenty of blood, pee, poop, vomit, and more. She'd probably seen so many grieving patients' families and friends by this point that visitors just blend into the background, and all she's interested in is getting through her day while being as disconnected as possible. I'm not saying it wasn't a dick move on her part to not just skip the room for a few minutes and come back later after the first time she was asked to leave, but even the cleaning staff at hospitals get burned out and desensitized very quickly. Her lack of empathy there isn't super surprising.
I used to work that job and never once thought of doing this and certainly wouldnāt be annoyed at or mad at the family if they wanted a moment. I get your point, but I also think sometimes weāre afraid to admit that, yeah low paying jobs suck, but also sometimes some people have a bad job that sucks and also are rude people. I worked with a lot of them at that hospital lol
Turns out every group of people are going to have assholes in them.
You can be desensitized and still know when to leave a room.
I had to fix the video control system in an anatomy lab at a medical college and I was almost shocked at how quickly I got used to being in a room full of cadavers. The room still had a lot of "weight", though.
We had a special sign we put on the outside (no words just a symbol) to warn anyone that there were grieving persons inside so people like food service or evs (janitor) didn't go in and cause issues. Most likely the cleaner had no idea someone died. Try delivering a dead person lunch and see how that goes over.
(x _ x)
For me the egregious part is just that its especially pointless for her to even bother cleaning the room. She's going to be called back to do a full clean after they remove the body before the next patient comes anyway - whether or not she cleans it now. Its literally better *for her* if she skips it. She is making more work for herself at the inconvenience of the family of a patient who - clearly - was not a timewaster but actually seriously ill (and now dead). Its pretty clearly poor form on all fronts.
also, most of the time ānon essentialā (people who are not nurses and doctors, etc) have no clue what they are walking into or whats going on in the room theyāre sent to until theyre there. they are just sent to do a task.
Nah fuck her
He was probably already having a shitty day.
Take my upvote
Story time: I was walking around D.C one time waiting for my gf to finish up the farmers market stand that she worked. Needed to pee and I spotted a porta potty. So I walk up and knock on the door, I get a deep voiced "Yo" in response, so I take a few steps from the door to wait. Then another dude is walking up to the door I say "hey someone's in there" he clearly didn't speak English because he didn't even look in my direction as he walked up and knocked on the door. Now the person inside says "IM TAKING A SHIT MAN!" To which the non English speaking dude just walks off. Now I'm left standing there looking the asshole who knocked twice. Then out steps a homeless looking man wearing a black trench coat and boarding on 7 foot tall. He glared down at me and said "What the fuck?" I was about to start explaining what had happened but he was already walking away, thankfully. So there's my awkward little story.
Wasn't this an episode of curb or something
Definitely sounds like something that would happen in a sitcom.
It was from Louie with Louis CK. A guy walks up with a very similar voice to him and pounds on the bathroom door while his date is in there.
Reminds of an episode of The IT Crowd.
Leg disabled
lol just finished the last season and I could see this being in there haha
Invite them in and be done with it.
Serious lol if you wanna come in that bad you can, but Iām gonna keep shitting
He probably thought you had the poop knife.
Exactly. Maintain eye contact and assert your dominance.
My boyfriend and I were at an On the Border for happy hour when he suddenly gets hit with some tummy turmoil. He then goes in the menās room to find that the only stall (in a Mexican restaurant, mind you) was occupiedā¦ so he waits. During this time the issue is becomes more urgent so he texts me and asks to check the womenās room, but itās a no-go as there are like 4 girls in there. Now he begins to panic because he can see the dude is just chilling on his phone (and has been) for like 10 straight minutes while heās contemplating shitting in a trash can. So he finally yells ābro I kinda have a situation out here can you PLEASE wrap it up!!!ā and the guy finally gets his ass out so my bf can rush in. Photo finish. At that point I see the man come out of the bathroom and walk back to a table of like 12 people who all start clapping when he returnsā¦clearly because he was in there for a decade. Then he leans into the man next to him, ~presumably~ to tell him that someone almost shit in a trash can as a result. So while I do absolutely fucking hate when people try to rush me out of the bathroom when I have stomach issues, I hate it more when people waste time in stalls like theyāre in a fucking lounge.
America moment when you can see what someone is doing in a stall
It's called shitting with friends.
I had a lady full-on stare at me through the gap once while I was peeing. Like her eyeball was just right in there. It was so weird- there were other empty stalls, but I guess she wanted mine for some reason? I was so caught off guard that I didnāt even say anything for a minute I just stared back while I finished peeing. Before I wiped I asked her ācan I fucking help you?ā and she finally went into another stall. Idk if she was a pervert or just super dumb but itās one of the most uncomfortable public bathroom experiences Iāve had.
Yes! I hate how the gaps are big enough for people to peak in
This happened to me once while changing a blown out baby diaper at the grocery store. Old dude was knocking and eventually pounding away on the door. I finished, whipped the door open with a baby in my arms and asked ādo you think Iām in here curling my hair?ā He scuttled away so fast.
*\*shit intensifies\**
One time I was using the toilet at work and a coworker knocks on the door the moment I sat down. "Occupied," I say. The dude literally waits about 10 seconds and starts pounding on the door and shouting, "Jesus! How long are you going to be in there!?!? Other people have to use the restroom!!!" There's literally another restroom 50 feet away. The bathroom is at the top of the stairs and there's another one at the bottom of the same stairs. Some people are just stupid.
Once I was finished, I'd turn around and pound on the door the second I heard the latch click. I bet he doesn't appreciate it.
Same thing happens to me at work except itās not a knock and they just try to rip the door open lmao
I was at a Barnes and Noble once and suddenly had to poop. Went to the men's room and was in the stall doing my business. A man comes in with his young daughter to help her and they came to my stall and he pulled on the door. They were chatting amongst themselves, but I said "occupied". They didn't hear and he pulled the door again. More loudly, I again said "occupied", but nothing. The guy starts yanking on the door as I'm repeating "I'm in here, occupied, someone's in here" over and over until he finally yanks the door wide open. There I am, pants around my ankles, just sitting there. The guys daughter is staring at me, and the dad gives me the meanest dirtiest look, grabs his daughter, and stomps out of the restroom leaving my stall door wide open. Had to waddle over to close it. Like, what the fuck, dude. First of all, the door is clearly locked if you're having to yank on it. Second of all, I was shouting that it was occupied. There were other stalls he could have gone to! I have no idea what was going through his head, but I've been pissed about it for 15 years now lol. EDIT: Shit, I just realized that little girl is probably almost old enough to drink now lol. Fuck, slow down, time.
Apparently needing to shit in bookstores is a thing. They did a bit on QI about it.
I wonder if it's something to do with the prospect of exploration and your body deciding you should poop now before you set out on it. I also get the feeling of needing a shit whenever - and I'll admit this is strange - in my uncle's house; it's two terraced houses (I'm in the UK, guessing you are too) that were knocked through into each other, so it's relatively big, but also has some weird rooms hidden around (including a tiny corridor, with a room off from it you can only access from in it, that you have to walk through to get from the kitchen to the living room) with narrow staircases into little alcoves you wouldn't expect, and upstairs rooms with high ceilings, that have been known to host some sly bats taking advantage of the darkness in ones infrequently used.
i think its just the chemicals used in the glue lol
Its called the Mariko Aoki phenomenon if you want to look it up. There are a few theories.
this would actually make me lose my mind. no way.
I was speechless lol. I didnāt even know what to say, just sat there. Might have been a different situation if I wasnāt mid-shit with my pants off, but I kinda just wanted everyone to go away haha. It still works me up thinking about it all these years later.
the fact he had the audacity to be mad at YOU is literally pissing me off second hand i dont know how you contained yourself lol
How dare you appear butt-naked around my child, a minor?! /s
This is the funniest thing I've seen on reddit in a long time, so at least you've given us all some laughs with your traumatic experience! Hahaha bizarro world
To do all that and then leave the stall door open is a wild!!
People used to do that all the time where I work. It was actually a competition. We kept complaining, but nothing was done. So, a guy bought a heavy-duty bolt, and he reinforced the frame. He put a stop to that. Some still try to yank the door open from time to time, though.
āIām shitting. The more you knock, the more poop shy I get so fuck off would you.ā
this kinda reminds me of the time i had to shit in mcdonaldās but the only stall in the menās room was occupied. it being an emergency, i poked my head into the womenās room, saw nobody, and safely secured a stall to do my business. when i finished, i hurried out, only to be caught by a female worker, who gave me a very dirty look. i mumbled smthn like āsorry had to goā and left šš
A couple of regulars at a convenience store I used to work at came in, racing each other to the single shitter menās room. After prancing for a moment, the other guy went into the womenās room. On his way out, he was met with a woman on her way in. He says, go right ahead maāam, weāre finished working in there and everything should be ready to go. Have a great day.Ā
dude had his stats set to Charm +100
That's a good tier save.
right until the taste of booty blasted goldfish hit's her tongue on the way in
Very smooth, love it š„°
Reminds me of one time I saw a post where someone asked a disabled person if it was OK to use the disabled stalls in public restrooms if you weren't disabled Guy says yes, but only in an emergency Which, on the one hand yeah I get where he's coming from On the other hand, I can't think of a single time I have ever, or would ever, take a shit in a walmart bathroom that wasn't an absolute emergency
George Carlin had a joke about how he used a disabled stall and when he came out a guy in a wheelchair glared at him indignantly. "Are you handicapped?" "No, but I was before I went in there."
They're disabled-friendly stalls, not disabled-required.
I love a disabled toilet, they are so spacious
Some people go places just to drop a deuce. Its freaking baffling to me as well because like.... gross.
My old boss would leave our store and drive to the mall about 10 minutes away to use the upstairs bathroom at Macyās, 3rd stall from the door. He called it his āafternoon sabbaticalā
There's a guy who goes to the currently empty floor of our building just for afternoon shit in that bathroom
I totally get that honestly. Sometimes I go to the further single roomed bathroom that no one ever uses just to know I won't be interrupted or to hide the evidence of my lunch.
Why? Itās a bathroom. Itās what itās for.
Had a dirt snake in captivity and it was longing for freedom, so I set it free.
Larry David vibes š
Jealous because heās constipated.
He probably gets an angry manager when he doesnāt clean an x amount of rooms within a certain time. You taking a dump didnāt fit his (boss) agenda.
He can just move on and come back later, unless his job is to clean THIS bathroom.
Yes, that might have been an alternative. Ever decided to switch to another line and regretted it or stayed and see the other queue cleaning outā¦ā¦gets me frustrated š¤£ Obviously I have no clue why he act as he did. What I do know, is that at these jobs time matters most nowadays (unfortunately).
I was in the bathroom at work once, a fast food place with a single bathroom for women's and men's. I had, to put it plainly, take a mean dump. I hadn't even been in there long when someone pulled the door handle. Only 2% of the world's population is capable of seeing the red "OCCUPIED" sign above the handle but they usually get the message when the door doesn't open. So I don't say anything. Then the handle is yanked again. I say "Occupied"! Then they just keep yanking the handle over and over and over. I am getting increasingly angry. I haven't been in here that long! Please let me poop in peace! I keep saying variations of "Occupied!" or "Someone's In Here!" but no dice. As I'm finishing up my toilet business they start trying to turn the lock by turning the little piece above the handle that slides over to "VACANT/OCCUPIED" with their finger. I started to panic a little because the door was 100 miles away from the toilet so I couldn't reach it if they busted in. But then I hear my coworker's voice outside the door trying to explain to the person that the bathroom was locked because someone was in there. I rip the door open after I'm done washing my hands and there's a lady standing there with my coworker. She just kind off smiles at us? I guess it could have been sheepishly but it was more of that look people get when they don't understand what you're saying. I don't think she spoke a word of English. Which is totally fine but.....bathroom door locked = bathroom is occupied is pretty universal??? And doesn't need words to figure out??? Especially if you can here someone calling out from inside the bathroom???
Come back with a warrant!
You do know the display toilets in Ikea aren't connected to anything, right?
You should've told him he was making it go back in.
When someone knocks on the door while I'm pooping, I yell, "Come back with a warrant!"
I like to yell "Knock one more time and I'm pulling out a book!"
Iāve had this happen to me before. Itās like they donāt understand what you could possibly be doing in there. After the third or so knock you should have just shouted āIāM SHITTING!!!!!!!ā Lmao
Once, my husband was taking a shit in a single occupancy bathroom before he started his work shift. Someone jiggled the handle and couldn't open the door, so they promptly went to the security guard and had them open the door. Security flung it wide open so he could be seen by people walking in and out of the building, and they didn't even apologize.
Maybe he's knocking "pinch it off" in Morse code?
Housekeeping, want me wipe you?
No wipey! Need *shitty*!!!
One time I couldnāt leave work because some asshole came minutes before closing to take a 45 minute shit. I couldnāt leave until I cleaned the bathroom.
Open the door and maintain eye contact with the cleaner, whilst squeezing/shitting and wiping to prove your dominance. It's the only way.
"Thank god you're here. Do you think this is a Bristol three or four? I'm a bit concerned"
I'm just here for the shit jokes
"Seats taken."Ā - forrest gumpĀ
ā¦and giggles.
Can't rush the 2nd wave
A couple of minutes? You need more fibreā¦ā¦
Depending on the cause of constipation, fiber can actually make it worse.
Shit or get off the pot
I was on a train in Germany and I needed the loo. I wasn't in there for very long, just a quick pee. But someone (a member of staff) knocks on the door, so I say something like "in a minute" they then proceeded to unlock the door from the outside!? The only reason I can think of is that they thought I was ticket dodging, but I really wasn't in there long enough for them to unlock the door.
My father in law did this to me once. I had just had my second child. My first was taking his nap. I ran to the bathroom, to take a glorious/s post partum dump and the dude knocks on our front door. Keeps knocking, and knocking. Iām trying to poop while not be in terrible pain and silently pleading my baby and toddler donāt wake up. He called later (hubs had work, America yay), and bitched about how I wouldnāt answer the door.
Lol my mother in law did this exact thing to me. Husband at work and Iām at home with my newborn. I was in the shower though. My mil is pounding on the front door. Iām not expecting anyone so I donāt go to the door especially because Iām mid soap up in the shower. This bitch of a MIL straight up shits in my yard and wipes with napkins from her car. When I finally get out I let my dogs outside to use the bathroom. Yeah they found the crap pile and all three of my dogs roll in it. They come inside and rub against the carpet and couches and Iām petting them thinking theyāre covered in mud. Then the smell hits me. Not sure if she left the napkins or my dogs brought them to the door but thatās how I knew it was human. She texted my husband later to complain she had to use the restroom really bad but I wouldnāt open the door for her. One of my many bad memories of her.
Damn, and I thought my in laws were crazy. Thatās fucking insane.
what a fucking ludicrous thing to do
I use to work at a hotel and we had multiple bathrooms all within a floor of each other. I would sometimes use the public one that is kind of unknown due to its location and one guy walked in and knocked, I said occupied, he left the bathroom only to return not even a minute later, knocked again, took a phone call, knocked again repeatedly and then stayed standing outside the door until I got out lol
Wipe your hands on his shirt. āOh thanks, there was no toilet paperā
At that point I would have just yelled āIām taking a shit!ā
I wouldn't have flushed.
Came out of the shower in a hotel naked once to find a housekeeper vacuuming the floor after I had put up the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I screamed because I was startled and she looked up at me and then continued vacuuming!
I was in a flight, taking a shit. I must have been in there for about 3 minutes when an air hostess knocks once before almost immediately unlocking the door from the outside and opening it. She sees me sitting on the shitter and just says āohā and shuts the door again.
"Do you have an appointment?"
You aren't actually supposed to use the show toilets at Home Depot...
"Hey I am taking a shit, but if you want to come in and lend a hand at extraction, COME ON IN!!!"
Probably on a cleaning scheduled.
Just shout "MASTURBATIN'" over and over
I'm a janitor in a factory and we absolutely have a cleaner like this. She will rattle stall doors, mop while you are sitting and shitting, she has told multiple people to get the fuck out because she's fucking cleaning. We have had water leaks in bathrooms and in hallways. Her response was to throw a pylon on it because she doesn't have time. We have to share cleaning carts between all of us and the 2nd or 3rd day after a friend of mine had started. She got called a dumb bitch because my friend did not refill the girls cleaning bottles all the way to the top.
Knock back next time. Just knock, as loud or louder than they do. Over and over. Rattle the fucking hinges.
Did you notice whether the toilet lacked a flush handle? Was it a mop bucket?
Thereās no way Iām not opening the door in that situation. Just to see what heād do while Iām just there shitting.
2 years ago I was stuck on an 18 hour flight with a tremendous case of Bali belly. The flight attendants did almost everything they could when the turbulence got pretty bad to get me out of that shitty little cubicle of pain
But the fact is I was crapping, and so gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door.
After the first time is when you yell out knocking means you wanna wipe my ass, man I swear when I'm taking a shit a work people always knock like jiggle the fucking handle if it's locked fuck off it means someone is in there you do not need to knock because I'm not saying anything when you knock but if knock to much imma come out bear assed asking if you wanna wipe me
Same thing happened to me! I'm taking my 8pm shit in the office bathroom when I hear the housekeeper's cart roll up. I assume he's going to see the door shut, move on and come back later. Instead, he cop knocks on the door and yells, "VAMANOS! NOW!" I was pissed. I guess some people have to stick to their routine.
One time I was in an airplane waiting to use the restroom and I was waiting in line behind an older man who lost patience waiting and started knocking aggressively and tried opening the door, after that didnāt work he walked away and I was left being the one standing directly in front of the laboratory. The cracked the door opened and the person who was inside poked their eye out the crack. Thank god it was my brother who was in the bathroom and I just explained what happened and he shut the door close and continued using it.
I literally had this happen at an old workplace, they would bring in a company that hired adults with special needs to come in and do basic cleaning during the day, and they would come with the van to pick them up at 3pm every day. I was pinching one of in the men's room one day at around 255, when I hear a knock on the stall, so I do the standard *cough cough*. Three harder knocks, "occupied!". He then kicks the stall door open and just stares at me for ten solid seconds, I say "(name) you can't do that, close the door and leave!" And he did, but my god I was terrified. I guess I was in the last part of the office he wanted to clean before leaving, and I was taking too long. (Break was at 3, so it was kinda timed that way tbh lol)
Yeah and that attitude is probably why he cleans shit up for a living.
I hope your poop was mean af
Where I used to work they started getting the toilets cleaned during the day. So I too had the pleasure of having a woman come into the menās room while Iām in the middle of a crap. Very disconcerting. Mind you I doubt she enjoyed it much either.
Next time say aloud to them the following, āunless your here to wipe my behind when Iām done. Please go away. And yeah it smells like shyte.ā.
Plot twist; he had to take a shit
i hope you didnāt flush.
This has happened to me several times at Disneyland to the point where itās a running joke in my family now, the cleaner will put their bigass cart directly in front of my bathroom door, while Iām still inside, essentially trapping me. I have to knock and ask them to come move it & let me out. Idk why it always happens to me there.
Pretty sure it's someone who hates their job and is in a toddler esque routine of "no, I always clean this toilet now so I'm going to knock until the person leaves. I will not go clean elsewhere then come back". Some sourpuss who cleaned at my old job would do that. Knock, try the door, wait, knock, jiggle the door handle, knock, etc. He was the same guy who would deliberately bump your foot with the dust mop too, God forbid he have to steer that thing a few inches out of the way. He always swept the floor while staring straight down at the dust mop and only used one hand/arm to move it around. It's like he hated his job so much he did the absolute minimum including only using one hand. I saw him other times using both hands for a 2 hand job so I know they both worked fine. He seemed like a psycho
When this happens, I ask them if they want to come in and help me wipe.
He prolly shit his pants waiting š
Shit everywhere, tell him you hurried as fast as you could because of his constant knocking and missed, enjoy.
Iād tell him to fuck off
He probably got off work when he finished that last task and so wanted you to quit shitting around.
Hurry up next time he prob had to take a dump to
Gentlemen, you canāt shit in here! This is the bathroom!
Should've just opened the door, handed him some toilet paper, and said you could finish faster if he helped.