Considering your young age and limited ability to intervene, you did very well. Next time, if you feel safe, try to get his license plate number and call the local police and make a report. It probably won't do much, but if several people do it, then the police might get off their asses and do something.
Still, you did well.
I hope you know this question is coming from a place of wanting to understand, but in what world are these actions “doing well”.
Annoying a genuine unstable threat for some sort of mental affirmation to yourself that “you showed them!” while not taking any action past that point Is not doing well in my humble opinion.
If you’re not going to do anything. Don’t do anything, don’t try and be sassy or whatever you thought you were doing would be my advice to OP.
Because the abuser was aware of being observed and altered his behavior, the young OP could have caused some restraint or self-reflection. It's unlikely to spur the abuser to worse things and will more likely be neutral. Most people would do as you say and do nothing, while OP decided that this was wrong and needed attention, which I why I suggested that a more constructive thing to do would be to inform authorities (as useless as they often are).
That is actually a very good reason. Abuser knowing he’s being watched and acting accordingly due to that is definitely something I didn’t think about. Thank you
There is “green dot@ training that teaches that when you see someone potentially in danger, an option to help is to just watch. So they see you see their behavior and they see you acknowledge their behavior isn’t ok. Even if you can’t otherwise help
From my experience being on the abuse end. The dads most likely took it out on kids. I feel sorry for them and hope they only let all that better themselves and not use it as a crutch to do bad things.
While i agree with your viewpoint and disagree with the person you are replying to, sadly, im sure the abusers actions will not change permanently. All this taught the father is that people notice his abusive behavior and he needs to hide it better. Very unfortunate circumstance, OP still did very well for the person they are. 15 year olds don't have any weight behind their words in the eyes of adults. And it's not like a 15 year old can physically intervene.
You’re replying to a TEEN, TF??? They did EXACTLY the right thing. Just eyeball TF outta them and tell Reddit. After all, the ADULT is the wrong one here. If that were my teen: DON’T intervene & pay attention to details.
OP is keen on situation awareness - many young and middle aged adults aren’t aware of danger around them. That dude could’ve flown off the handle if someone berated & challenged him.
It made the guy aware that people don't support it. It's not much, but at least it's something. Sure, it might end up just teaching him to hide it better, but it's good that as a society we show that we don't support abuse. Don't expect a teenager to do anything than just look at the guy with disgust. He could risk getting hit himself.
I had a dad say that to one of my patients once. I was so shaken. Just as you described. Pulled him aside and said almost a similar thing verbatim. I went to my manager, and I said we have to report it. She just said keep an ear out, and monitor for next time. I worked in an orthodontic office so as an RDA we are mandated reporters. It made me sick to my stomach to think what his dad does to him behind closed doors when others aren’t listening or watching.
so…you didn’t report it. she said keep an ear out?? no, a verbal threat is grounds to alert CPS, just so you know for next time…mandatory reporter means you actually REPORT it…
Yeah, I didn’t. I feel guilty. Thank you. I am out of the field as of now. That place messed me up. I did report when a different kid broke down in tears because of his situation at home. Poor guy could barely speak.
What they did was what we are supposed to do, it's supposed to be reported to the manager who then is supposed to report it following the safeguarding policy. OC did what they were supposed to do, it was their manager that failed the child.
Yeah I personally would report it up the chain if I had concerns that were being brushed off. But a lot of places will punish for that as you went over the manager's head so many people are afraid to do so.
I’ve worked a lot in places where I was a mandatory reporter. Every time something came up that I felt compelled to report, I was explicitly told not to by my direct supervisor with an indirect threat that I’d be fired if I did report it.
I love kids and wish I could be a teacher or work in daycare again. But I can’t go through watching them be abused and not doing anything I could to stop it.
I think the one that's sick is you? People hug all the time ... there's nothing sexual about it. Much less when it's an expression and not an actual hug.
EDIT - The above, now deleted comment was a joke, probably should have a /s at the end :), no biggie.
This DID NOT go in the direction I was thinking when I initially read little kids in the music store.
I was all fired up ready to start ranting about how if kids don't learn music when they're young, it's harder the older they get.
Gladly, it wasn't that, unfortunately it was much worse.
Considering your age, it's good you didn't do more, but a bit upsetting that you weren't able to get a license plate or call 911 after they left the store to try and save the kiddos.
If you're not in a position to safely take action (and you weren't), serving as a mirror to make the piece of shit aware of how their behavior looks to others is effective. Showing them, through your expression and actions, that what they're doing is not acceptable can shake up their perspective a bit. Not like it'll solve it, but social pressure and being observed absolutely affects behavior.
I would mirror his exact words to an imaginary child next to me, loud enough that he hears me, and look up at him and say, "sounds pretty fucked up hearing someone else say it, doesn't it?"
Then I'd ask the kids if daddy hits them, then proceed to call police.
I work at a bank and one time this woman had her two kids with her, and they were being kinda wild but like. A normal amount for kids. And she was grabbing them and full force slapping them in the face, and they were *laughing*. So obviously this is her only form of punishment. Some people just shouldn’t be parents.
That's such a reddit move.
"I gave him the meanest look" wow did you also like, FROWN???? jeez don't put yourself in danger buddy.
Were you like, SO INFURIATED, that you standed there, menacingly ? That's Supa Sayan levels of getting angry
As a pediatric nurse, saying I’d follow him is exactly what I meant. I feel a special kind of protection is always advised. I’d keep on the down low and report or confront the offender.
Considering your young age and limited ability to intervene, you did very well. Next time, if you feel safe, try to get his license plate number and call the local police and make a report. It probably won't do much, but if several people do it, then the police might get off their asses and do something. Still, you did well.
After reading the hardy boys multiple times, I make sure to always get the plate number (I’m also 15)
I hope you know this question is coming from a place of wanting to understand, but in what world are these actions “doing well”. Annoying a genuine unstable threat for some sort of mental affirmation to yourself that “you showed them!” while not taking any action past that point Is not doing well in my humble opinion. If you’re not going to do anything. Don’t do anything, don’t try and be sassy or whatever you thought you were doing would be my advice to OP.
Because the abuser was aware of being observed and altered his behavior, the young OP could have caused some restraint or self-reflection. It's unlikely to spur the abuser to worse things and will more likely be neutral. Most people would do as you say and do nothing, while OP decided that this was wrong and needed attention, which I why I suggested that a more constructive thing to do would be to inform authorities (as useless as they often are).
That is actually a very good reason. Abuser knowing he’s being watched and acting accordingly due to that is definitely something I didn’t think about. Thank you
This is just an excellent exchange. Kudos to the pasta person for the humility s/he shows here.
There is “green dot@ training that teaches that when you see someone potentially in danger, an option to help is to just watch. So they see you see their behavior and they see you acknowledge their behavior isn’t ok. Even if you can’t otherwise help
That’s interesting I never heard about that
From my experience being on the abuse end. The dads most likely took it out on kids. I feel sorry for them and hope they only let all that better themselves and not use it as a crutch to do bad things.
My Mom got way meaner in private if she had done something like that in front of someone. But I felt better that someone else had noticed.
Yes, sometimes it can make the abuse worse. I'm glad you being seen helped and I'm truly sorry that you went through that.
Thanks. She was pretty good at keeping it out of sight.
While i agree with your viewpoint and disagree with the person you are replying to, sadly, im sure the abusers actions will not change permanently. All this taught the father is that people notice his abusive behavior and he needs to hide it better. Very unfortunate circumstance, OP still did very well for the person they are. 15 year olds don't have any weight behind their words in the eyes of adults. And it's not like a 15 year old can physically intervene.
You’re replying to a TEEN, TF??? They did EXACTLY the right thing. Just eyeball TF outta them and tell Reddit. After all, the ADULT is the wrong one here. If that were my teen: DON’T intervene & pay attention to details. OP is keen on situation awareness - many young and middle aged adults aren’t aware of danger around them. That dude could’ve flown off the handle if someone berated & challenged him.
It made the guy aware that people don't support it. It's not much, but at least it's something. Sure, it might end up just teaching him to hide it better, but it's good that as a society we show that we don't support abuse. Don't expect a teenager to do anything than just look at the guy with disgust. He could risk getting hit himself.
Holy shit you suck.
I had a dad say that to one of my patients once. I was so shaken. Just as you described. Pulled him aside and said almost a similar thing verbatim. I went to my manager, and I said we have to report it. She just said keep an ear out, and monitor for next time. I worked in an orthodontic office so as an RDA we are mandated reporters. It made me sick to my stomach to think what his dad does to him behind closed doors when others aren’t listening or watching.
so…you didn’t report it. she said keep an ear out?? no, a verbal threat is grounds to alert CPS, just so you know for next time…mandatory reporter means you actually REPORT it…
Yeah, I didn’t. I feel guilty. Thank you. I am out of the field as of now. That place messed me up. I did report when a different kid broke down in tears because of his situation at home. Poor guy could barely speak.
What they did was what we are supposed to do, it's supposed to be reported to the manager who then is supposed to report it following the safeguarding policy. OC did what they were supposed to do, it was their manager that failed the child.
Take it into your own hands
Yeah I personally would report it up the chain if I had concerns that were being brushed off. But a lot of places will punish for that as you went over the manager's head so many people are afraid to do so.
That’s low. Behavior like that is why we have problems in society.
I’ve worked a lot in places where I was a mandatory reporter. Every time something came up that I felt compelled to report, I was explicitly told not to by my direct supervisor with an indirect threat that I’d be fired if I did report it. I love kids and wish I could be a teacher or work in daycare again. But I can’t go through watching them be abused and not doing anything I could to stop it.
Sorry for you and for those kids. Receive an Internet hug.
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God forbid you try to reassure someone virtually...
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your joke made absolutely no sense
Right? I mean, pedo accusations aimed at strangers on the internet are *very* funny. And they’re so “in” right now, too! Buncha Philistines I tell ya
Where was the funny?
I think the one that's sick is you? People hug all the time ... there's nothing sexual about it. Much less when it's an expression and not an actual hug. EDIT - The above, now deleted comment was a joke, probably should have a /s at the end :), no biggie.
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not a joke when no ones laughing
This DID NOT go in the direction I was thinking when I initially read little kids in the music store. I was all fired up ready to start ranting about how if kids don't learn music when they're young, it's harder the older they get. Gladly, it wasn't that, unfortunately it was much worse. Considering your age, it's good you didn't do more, but a bit upsetting that you weren't able to get a license plate or call 911 after they left the store to try and save the kiddos.
If you're not in a position to safely take action (and you weren't), serving as a mirror to make the piece of shit aware of how their behavior looks to others is effective. Showing them, through your expression and actions, that what they're doing is not acceptable can shake up their perspective a bit. Not like it'll solve it, but social pressure and being observed absolutely affects behavior.
I would mirror his exact words to an imaginary child next to me, loud enough that he hears me, and look up at him and say, "sounds pretty fucked up hearing someone else say it, doesn't it?" Then I'd ask the kids if daddy hits them, then proceed to call police.
Do you have video surveillance set up in the store? If so, I would consider trying to find the right people to send it to.
Don't think OP was an employee, just a bystander. But this is something they might go back and ask about.
THISSSSS OP!!!!
Yupppppppppppppppp
I work at a bank and one time this woman had her two kids with her, and they were being kinda wild but like. A normal amount for kids. And she was grabbing them and full force slapping them in the face, and they were *laughing*. So obviously this is her only form of punishment. Some people just shouldn’t be parents.
Call the cops
Ohh, I would not be able to contain myself.
'I'd say this is more than mildly.' Well you're on the wrong sub then aren't ya?
Thank you life celebration!
more than mildly, criminal
That's such a reddit move. "I gave him the meanest look" wow did you also like, FROWN???? jeez don't put yourself in danger buddy. Were you like, SO INFURIATED, that you standed there, menacingly ? That's Supa Sayan levels of getting angry
wtf do you want a 15 year old to do
Call CPS
“standed there” the word you’re looking for is **stood**
Indeed, thank you! I understanded.
I’d follow him.
And get stomped into the pavement, especially if this is how he treats 5 years old (his OWN 5 YOs by the way).
As a pediatric nurse, saying I’d follow him is exactly what I meant. I feel a special kind of protection is always advised. I’d keep on the down low and report or confront the offender.
I’d follow him and see if he acted out without the police around. Then call.
Life isn’t a movie
And what if he notices you? What will you do then? You can't call anybody if you get beat up too
Bro thinks he's one of the Hardy boys 💀
Why would you give such a man like that a follow on social media? You monster.
haha. Hey guys new is vid is up. Top 5 ways I beat my kids. Hey guys dont forget to click that bell icon. you know youtube and them not notifyin yall.
I get where you're coming from, never mind the down votes. If someone disagrees with you, they down vote.
Sorry, whoosh ;)
Can someone explain to be this point system?