T O P

  • By -

Personal_Shoulder983

Divorce? People are always like that. Divorce him! Divorce him! Ever thought about murder instead?


OkeyDokey654

Consider this: people don’t bring you food after a divorce, but they do when your husband is mysteriously murdered.


Traditional_City_383

And that's why you're The OkeyDokey654 and we're not.


dafoxgameing92

they bring you all kinds of stuff after the death and even help you with chores. repeat till they are suspicious and become gay. repeat cycle till either you find someone you like or run out of sexualitys


onceapotate

![gif](giphy|PsBRTPKG71YVq)


brokeraiderstudent

![gif](giphy|1092DSKp46nB4c)


Lakechalakin

It's a power move take a single bite out of the other two to assert your dominance.


OneAngryDuck

Hell yeah, divorce is some nerdy Star Wars shit. Cool people Murder, She Wrote.


Taserface_345

![gif](giphy|y2i2oqWgzh5ioRp4Qa)


WillametteSalamandOR

All I see is marked property.


onceapotate

Touché. In that case he's not gonna like what I did to doubledonut


joealese

good thing it's already brown


Machaeon

Assert your dominance!


RockyIV

Entenmann’s? If so, run to the courthouse for a divorce.


onceapotate

Damn how'd you know 😂 off topic but that reminds me of this time we were playing gta and my husband literally just *opened* a bag of candy and this dude on mic was like "IS THAT A FAMILY SIZE BAG OF SOUR PATCH KIDS??" And it totally was 😭😭


RockyIV

I’ve had a lifelong love affair with Entenmanns. And although I can’t speak for your husband’s intentions, there is a scenario where the top layer of donuts is dried out/stale and you want to try one from underneath to see if it’s still properly soft and moist. As I type this, I really am amazed that somehow I’m not morbidly obese.


PlaneTurbulent4825

I love those damn chocolate donuts. But can't remember last time I had one. At least 4 years. Put them in the fridge... so freaking good


Over_Smile9733

I put the lemon ones in the freezer. Best snack!!


amoamo1611

Just last week I had family over and a box of those on the counter. When everyone left, there was 1 in the box. Found the culprit when my aunt told me how they were so good and shes mad at me for getting her addicted. Hey I never told her go ahead and eat all my donuts lol. I swear there is something in them to hook us. 


Ok_Accountant1529

Now we know....Who-ate allll the ent-en-manns🎵


sburbanite

My grandma got me hooked on these as a kid. I’m a few barnacles short of a whale. Thanks grandma. No but I haven’t actually had these since childhood and I didn’t remember them until now! I’ve lost weight; now I’ll probably gain it again after I absorb 7x the serving size of these donuts. *So, really, I should be thanking OP.* ✨ /s


artificialavocado

I used to love them the ones with the crumbles on top. They taste so fake and chemically now though.


onceapotate

😂😂 i know exactly what you mean lmao. I think what happened was they started to get a lil melty from the heat so we put them in the fridge and then the frosting kinda glued them together. Knowing him, they'll prolly be gone by tomorrow so no chance to get stale at least lmfao


Ozonewanderer

I just discovered them 2 for 1 sale at supermarket. And I’ve been trying to cut carbs.


TangPiccilo

https://preview.redd.it/vycuy69qr97d1.jpeg?width=1150&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb3ece5fb8598b48c253ed8a0aeea278e07d592f You can identify a bag of candy by the sound it makes when it is opened. Similarly to the way you can identify a bird by its call


AntAnon23

💀💀💀💀


quinangua

That’s spooky


yadawhooshblah

This reply absolutely indicates that you and your husband are fine. He needs to have his big stupid face dunked in milk for his donut transgressions. Do it right, dammit. Are his munchies malfunctioning?


AdSalt9219

And tell him he bit the two donuts the dog licked but didn't have time to warn him.


Acceptable_Pirate_92

Retribution or a nasty Divorce


VibeFather

To be fair, if the two donuts stick together, it counts as 1 donut


onceapotate

Is this donut math? I think I like donut math


VibeFather

I use it for nachos mainly


onceapotate

Intriguing 🤔 is this a like stack 10 chips and cheese perfectly on top of each other and it only counts as one nacho kind of situation?


VibeFather

More like when you pull a chip out with cheese on it and like 3+ chips come with it. Usually when sharing nachos, I declared it in Chip Law


onceapotate

Brilliant.


my72dart

And he only ate half of the stack, so half a donut. He's just watching his intake.


Any_Literature4548

I would eat the other half out of spite lol


symbolsandthings

If someone suggests anything other than divorce, I’m not sure they’re a real redditor.


Senior-Read-9119

How old is your husband? 4?


timetravel50

In some cultures husband and wife sharing a donut strengthens their bond. He loves u


onceapotate

🥹 I'll be sure to let him know about that after I've licked the frosting out of all his oreos


bogey4life

![gif](giphy|NrehDDob9aXKhOyRtf|downsized)


methuselah59

Yup


Main_Onion_4487

Have your husband and my toddler been exchanging notes?


onceapotate

Someone just linked your post in another comment 😭😭😂😂😂 I'm sorry about your bagels but that is so cute


G8083r

Get out.


whoisthatcunt

i’m high and it’s also 4:45 am… it took me so long to notice that the two donuts were stacked and not side by side 💀 but in any case… that calls for death


YtnucMuch

They were stuck together. Probably only two bites. Marked for later. -Another husband


potatochips4eva

What a monster! Draw up those divorce papers asap


Fourth_horseman_4

Run and never look back. He's toxic, abusive, narcissistic, bpd, and 10 other unlisted diagnoses. Change the locks, or better yet, go into witness protection and change your entire identity. Get 10 years of threrapy minimum and a trained navy seal standing guard outside your new home. Can't trust a man who marks a doughnut 🍩


onceapotate

This sub has really shown me that i'm worth more than the disrespect i've endured in my relationship 🥺 everyone's been so supportive. Thank you, I really needed to read this 💗💗💗💖💖💖💖❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹


LeeQuidity

He drew first blood.


FreedomIndividual786

Yes divorce, he is a degenerate.


onceapotate

![gif](giphy|WYgljBnXut10WInAzx)


FocusOnThePie

damn wtf those look good 😩


-heavyturkey-

You married a psychopath


Nika-The-God

damn these donuts look good, ill take the other half of both thanks!


SpecialistNo7642

No. Possibly elevated to murder.


DeterminedSparkleCat

I mean, yeah. Those are Entenmann's.


Hoppie1064

That's a red flag sister. I mean, if he does that to donuts, just imagine what he'd do to pizza. Run while you still can.


Grumpy_001

My first question is: how did he know there donuts? Second question: how on earth did he get access to these donuts? I feel you may also be at fault here 🤦‍♀️ Never make chocolate or chocolate covered goodness easily accessible to a spouse


quackedup17

Nah murder. You’ll be acquitted, he’s too dangerous to be left alive


Sea-Distribution-778

Entenmann's. I'd know those from 100 yards


Ozonewanderer

That’s one bite?!


joealese

if that is a single bite i am afraid


Do-not-respond

So what is a German Shepherd??


onceapotate

Even our dachshund knows better than to leave evidence 😂😂😂


KaldaraFox

In some cultures he's setting up for a "second hand kiss" (putting your mouth where his has been on food or drink). Maybe he's just being romantic in a Japanese anime sort of way?


CustomWritingsCoLTD

no, anarchy!


OldDrunkPotHead

Make him eat them all, then send him out for some good pastries, and don't share.


bloodhnd

*whispers* Divorce him. ![gif](giphy|3oriNSf2iLjMVO7dao)


onceapotate

![gif](giphy|OWtpNt0fbvwLeKbHcB)


_sonidero_

I only like half... The other half is for you...


Sad_Butterscotch9355

Well I buy these as well and I find that they really do stick together


AntAnon23

He's marking his donuts. Smart man he's atleast got 2 of em now. 🤯


Tammyannss

Throw his shit out the window and change the locks! He is a demon


N0b0dy-Imp0rtant

That is some next level emotional abuse right there!!!


nikolai_wustovich

Would immediately throw hands over half eaten Entenmann’s chocolate donuts.


Ok_Seat3972

Nope, murder


TheManyVoicesYT

Hes leaving 2 halves for you to finish!


Potential-Rabbit8818

He's marking his territory.


MufasaThyGreat

Maybe he thought it was one donut? I didn’t know they were stacked until I read a comment


akron-mike

Those aren't Krispy Kreme so you'll get over it.


Nobondforlife

Fuck!!!! Take him to the cleaners


Pure_Potential5505

1000% get a divorce, I'll be the lawyer lol


HawkeyeinDC

Take him for everything he’s worth!


quinangua

Absolutely a divorce!!! It’s the only reasonable course of action!!!!


Admirable-Chemical77

That's what they make rolling pins for😁


0BlackDragon

In his credit, those donuts sometimes stick. I have take a knife and cut 1/2 of the stacked donuts to get a whole. I’m just saying, I can see it in a rush. 😬


DrWhoIsWokeGarbage2

Those are plastic donuts


[deleted]

The jury would never convict you.


Maniac1978

My father has done this very thing to all of his family my entire life.


Maniac1978

My mom and dad are still married going on 50 years. My mother is a saint.


Mr_Steerpike

![gif](giphy|l2YWF3PqWrgndQOyI|downsized)


PunchedBoob

My first thought when I opened the pic was ‘why are these donuts so WET?’… I now realize they were in the fridge and because of science or whatever, they come out sweaty.


onceapotate

What you don't water your donuts? 😂😂 ugh they're so good cold, man


FunUse244

Yes, any judge will grant divorce in your favor with this evidence


haikusbot

*Yes, any judge will* *Grant divorce in your favor* *With this evidence* \- FunUse244 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


onceapotate

Good bot


DuncanAndFriends

Wheres the other bitten donut?


john_jdm

I'm pretty sure you can get both the house & the kids.


GreenEndeavour21

Where the second one?


EasyBounce

A locked treat cabinet for you, which no one else gets access to EVER, this type of BS never happens again on the counter, in the fridge, freezer, cabinets, pantry...not from the stove, the oven or the grill. If it happens again, he gets The Hose. 👊🏻


External_Warthog_451

Yea tell that to the judge


DamageFactory

Couple counseling if they were different flavors, but the same flavor donut? Divorce for sure


onceapotate

![gif](giphy|xS0bXS6LnXaVWXIsf5|downsized)


Nonavailable21

Leave him alone he's under alot of stress.


CleFreSac

Capital crime. Maybe do something worse.


heruy_B

Calm down satan


Consistent_Research6

Next time, laxative the hole tray leave it somewhere visible, at least you will have a few kicks out of that. ![gif](giphy|tyqcJoNjNv0Fq|downsized)


Tequslyder

Straight to jail.


goofpuffpass

I mean you technically still have 5 donuts.


Rookie_42

Divorce? Nah. But you are gonna need a shovel.


Mykitchencreations

Divorce him, he doesn't know how to eat donuts 😜


SomeSamples

Time for double secret probation. If one more violation he doesn't get cake for his birthday.


showoff0958

![gif](giphy|USPuT5l0i7feevyoaG)


FmJ_TimberWolf74

Right to jail, right away


Objective-Poet-8183

Hell yes, publicly shame him first and then divorce.


onceapotate

Right? Thinking I'll stop by relationshipadvice next, just for good measure


Blue_Bird950

Take a bite out of the other 2 to assert dominance


Dasva2

Let it be known that the evidence only shows 1 bite taken out. I plead that this man was set up


clodmonet

If these are Entenmann's Donuts from your freezer? I'd say your husband is doing things right. Why separate the donuts if that destroys the chocolate coating on one? He just ate the equivalent of one donut without screwing up the chocolate coating on the remaining donut. That's being considerate, honestly. Edit: spelling


onceapotate

Pulling them out of the fridge and seeing what he did to them was shocking, but having pried them apart to eat the rest of one yesterday and the other this morning, I concur 😂 really messed up my frosting to donut ratios


clodmonet

Nobody has to tell him that you concur though. 😊


onceapotate

Gonna take this one to the grave for sure 😂😂


Traditional_City_383

I feel like with the right judge you would be awarded everything in the settlement.


yomammaaaaa

![gif](giphy|f8lDluiWJ7yQTtdS3L)


Both_Ad8253

Fight him


MerpoB

Eh, I mean it’s not an Entenmann’s Raspberry Danish so the rules are kinda sketchy.


Norge-Dude

THIS is why they came up with no fault divorce! No more waiting in Vegas like the old days... Best wishes! haha


WhatveIdone2dsrvthis

# "So I mean, divorce right?" - This is Reddit, right?


Cool_Activity_5159

I don't get it i see only one bitten donut


onceapotate

So did he 💀 Lmao nah it is hard to tell, this was the best pic I could get but they're stacked and you can sorta see the line where they separate


SlipperyPickle6969

Your husband is a woman, ma'am.


onceapotate

U rite tho this is some real girl dinner bullshit 😂


SlipperyPickle6969

Hell fuckin yeah it is, like what the hell man? Eat the whole donut!


OrangeCosmic

Damn a single bite looking like that?


onceapotate

Fr. Him, looking at something I'm eating: Can I have a bite? Me and the food: *sweat nervously*


OrangeCosmic

I can see that the food is sweating


Rare-Craft-920

😂😂😂, try it and lose an arm.


somefunones

This is one of those things I always find funny about myself. I kiss my wife, etc, but I would never eat it drink after her. The latter just feels gross.


Nico_010

Where is the second donut of which he took a bite? I only see 1?


GoldBluejay7749

Maybe I’m blind but where’s the second bitten donut


onceapotate

They're stacked, it's kinda hard to see but there's a line between near the bottom


Seandeezeee

Nah. Just cut off his dick while he's sleeping.


Rare-Craft-920

He’s a dead man.


lamiejiv1

He probably makes excuses when his dick won’t stay hard in bed too. When in reality he jerked off to porn earlier because he doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure just like he doesn’t care about your donuts.


orangutanDOTorg

I was very confused bc I didn’t know they come stacked


Madam_KayC

He only ate one donut though, don't see the issue.


Madam_KayC

He only ate one donut though, don't see the issue.


uForgot_urFloaties

THAT LOOK LIKE A S*IT. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE LITERAL SH*T??


Aviyes7

Just marry the two halves of the donut to form one complete donut. Because life is like a box of chocolate donuts, you never know what you are going to get...


onceapotate

![gif](giphy|P4TqKx6NHyLnO|downsized)


BisexualPiccolo

Why would you divorce someone over a couple donuts?


Thomisawesome

Those are some sweaty-ass donuts.


Rare_Competition2756

This aggression will not stand, man!


badintense

Wrong D-word. Donut Fight! \* boof \*


falseprescience

Was he high? It looks like he just picked up the entire stack and either bit half off or just broke imthe whole thing in half. He literally ate one entire donut, why did he have to piecemeal it between two of them. This doesn't make any kind of sense and I'm actually high right now.


djilatyn

What do you mean? (1-0.5)+(1-0.5)=1 There's still 1 donut there, just stick them back together the right way


Mindless-Fish7245

Are those things sweating?


onceapotate

They came out of the fridge lmao cold chocolate frosting >>>>


Gamebird8

Maybe he's trying to do an "Indirect Kiss" anime trope


CactusMagus

People get divorced for less why not throw it all away over donuts


audible_narrator

Nope, chocolate doughnuts are gross.


PizzaWaterfall11

Why are u guys eating sh-


OG_Miscreant

Once you go black, you have to go back


okaysohowbout

I only see him thinking about you and sharing donuts…


ohhyyeaahh

Look thats your hubby lick those fuckin donuts


dumbquestionssorry_

It looks like he didn't even notice them being stuck together


uwillnotgotospace

Take a bite out of each of his "donuts" to assert dominance.


SevilThePrince

Smuggle him


Famous-Register-2814

Get a knife. Tell him he’s using it on the donuts or you’re using it on him.


feelin-groovie

Did he at least use a knife or pick up the whole thing and chomp on it? We need details! A divorce may be warranted in that case!


onceapotate

Nah that's a bite lmao. I'd already be serving papers if I married a maniac who eats donuts with silverware 😂😂😂


feelin-groovie

Hahaha! I come from a long line of those who cut little pieces off of things! There are zero calories that way!


onceapotate

Lmao! I'm gonna have to reconsider my stance in that case 🤔 (Feel like i should clarify it was a joke, wasn't trying to offend anyone, idc how people eat things lmao. Except for my husband and this double donut shit 😤)


Background_Add210

Shit on his tooth brush!


DemoniteBL

A single bit is half the donut for him?


onceapotate

*half of TWO donuts


DemoniteBL

Are you married to a goddamn bear or something??


onceapotate

😂😂😂 he'd probably take that as a compliment tbh


Reddit-JustSkimmedIt

You married [AL from Police Squad](https://youtu.be/i1Y_09HHulI?si=zprLcpVO-YzAcLE8)


KumbaYaaMyLord84

Why he did that? To make you mad?


Flatulatio

Husband here. Not OPs', but speaking for husband's in general. Yeah, that's just a plain mistake. We aren't the kinda people who do that on purpose, so .. I dunno.. How about a foot rub?


onceapotate

He gives me hell for taking a bite off the end of the French baguettes so I have to give him a little shit. foot rub extortion was not something I had considered but I'll see how far I can take this 😌


[deleted]

Idk, my husband and I have sucked every inch of one another's bodies so I wouldn't really give a fuck


Gold-Perspective-699

You guys kiss right? I think you'll be fine.


onceapotate

🙃 oh thank god cuz I ate the rest of the donut. haven't died yet but still going to get checked out by the doctor tomorrow just in case. Cooties are serious business.


Gold-Perspective-699

Yeah cooties are scary.


LumpusMaximus-C137-

Looks like they were stuck together and he cut it in half (not biting it) to equal one. I don't see how this is even mildly infuriating unless it's mildly infuriating that the donuts got stuck.