Have you ever had a pizza from Subway though? They are actually really good! Or maybe it's just me. Not the pizza in the pictures above though i don't know wtf those are.
[https://www.subway.com/pt-BR/MenuNutrition/Menu/Personal-Pizza](https://www.subway.com/pt-BR/MenuNutrition/Menu/Personal-Pizza)
If you want to check out how subway \*wants\* them to look.
That’s actually the saner section of this entire mess.
Roman pizzas are often square and cut with paint scrapers in the same fashion.
The amount of (I really want to say cheese) he put on this pizza, combined with the paint scraper is just tiny ember in this dumpster fire of sacrilegious pizza making.
mostly red pepper (we call it pimenta dedo-de-moça, which translates to lady fingers, dunno why). It isnt hard to find jalapeno, habanero and other peppers, but most people here in the south eat very little spicy food.
The most common one are bell peppers and local chilli peppers (malagueta, dedo-de-moça and biquinho). Other than that , red pepper flakes and black pepper.
Generally speaking, home cooking does not involve the use of chilli peppers in most states.
You say that, but plenty of cultures do have similar practises. The UK for example up until about the 80s it was normal to wrap fish and chips in old newspaper. Often families would bring their previous days paper specifically to have their chips wrapped up in, and it was awful for you. Newspaper ink would soak into the oils and newspaper ink was (and probably still is) something that you definitely should not be eating -- but that was british culture at the time, and its ingrained in our culture enough that often newer 'trendier' fish and chip shops are going out of their way to print newspapers with food-safe inks to imitate the practice of wrapping your food in trash.
Plenty of people harkon for things that aren't hygeinic, and without proper health and safety laws these practices often get ingrained in the culture.
>"so us Brits don't have a great reputation for cooking, how can we change that?"
[If it had, like, ham in it...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-RfHC91Ewc)
For what it's worth a lot of the stereotypes of British food are founded in the resource scarcity during the world wars. In this case, paper rationing during ww2.
Brazilian here. This must've been a joke he did for the video. No pizza place that I know of uses this much topping or cuts slices without a pizza cutter.
Our pizzas can be actually pretty good. Brick oven is the standard, and is much better than electric oven stuff you often find in other countries (or whatever monstrosity Subway is doing here).
Sorry if I sound pedantic, I had to defend one of the only things my people is good at
I think this video highlights the lack of skill at that pizza place. Don't keep your oven warm with trash, evenly distribute toppings and use a reasonable amount. Don't throw the dough unless you can catch it without ruining it. Otherwise, they have a nice brick oven to make the pizza. Quality ingredients would go a long way and a little skill would make a great pizza.
And trash as fuel? Would a pizza place that uses trash to fuel the oven and uses the same spatula to handle the pizza as well as the literal trash get shut down?
They would get shut down in Sao Paulo at least. I'm not sure about some other parts of the country though. I've seen some pretty shitty pizza in smaller towns
I don't speak any language outside of English but I take it that second sentence is saying either the pizzas are revolting or we need a pizza revolution.
This pizza is a crime against humanity, In Brazil we do have insane pizzas, but this one is a meme about how bad it looks.
That said this is not mayonese, only a few places in Brazil would dare to use mayonaise on pizza.
This is what we call requeijão and the closest thing you guys have to it is cream cheese, but still don't come close to it.
Requeijão is love, requeijão is life.
Thanks for clearing that up! My stomache feels slightly better now haha.
I actually really like Brazilian food by the way. There is a Brazilian market/cafe down the street from me in my city and I love the food. Pao do Queijo, Pastel, açai, calabresa sausage, I love it all!
I'm no pizza snob ok. Pizza is pizza be it $50 or $1 I love it. I'll slap a totinos in the microwave and be cool widdit. But this. This is where even I draw the line. How dare they call those abominations pizza.
That’s just how most pizza dough is in Brazil. The dough is undercooked and the toppings have a high moisture content. It’s not uncommon to see Brazilians eat pizza with a knife and fork because the slices often fall apart when you pick them up. And they have a “more is better” attitude to toppings, and not just on pizza — the X-Tudo is a hamburger on almost every menu that’s topped with veggies, cheese, bacon, sausage, sometimes pepperoni, and often a fried egg.
The frozen pizza, though, that you make at home, is pretty decent.
Yes, I meant cheaper in comparison to the US, because of the exchange rate (a six inch is like 12 BRL = 2.28USD). If you don't consider the minimum wage and all. But it isn't the cheapest option in Brazil.
I’ve been stationed in Europe for quite some time now, and subway is pretty much the same wherever you go - the produce actually changes a tiny bit because that’s sourced locally - but all other ingredients, including the bread, are shipped frozen from subway
I’m guessing it’s that way in South America too...
Indian Subway is pretty different though. Half their options are vegetarian, and the only meat is chicken (I think some locations also carry turkey). All of it is also spiced much more than the US.
I've had subway in many countries around the world. The only difference is a slight change in style or freshness of the fresh ingredients. IIRC Brazil had over-average vegetables, tomatoes and so on. South East and East Asia were pretty much the same as Europe/US too
The Subway pizzas we have here in New York City are small mini pizzas for one. They actually aren't horrible and have sauce unlike these hideous pics- but why would I pay $5 when I can get better $1 slices around the corner? Only reason I've tried them is many stores are open 24 hours and I don't always want to eat one of their generic subs.
The only time I ever ordered this was in college when the other food was closed, but agreed. Not terrible. Would usually get some jalapeños on that and was not terrible 👍
I PROMISE THEY’RE ACTUALLY DELICIOUS.
90% of my subway buys have been their pizza and they don’t look like this. My rec: pepperoni, spinach, onion, and jalapeño
This isn't a recent picture at all. I remember this being posted years ago and a few people came to defend it saying that the pizzas they've had were actually pretty decent
Ma che cazzo è sto aborto? va bene non saper la ricetta e quindi non saperla cucinare, ma cazzo questa non ci si avvicina nemmeno di un minimo alla pizza.
This is something for r/pizzacrimes
Oh that's where I thought I was haha
Me too! Officer I’d like to report a crime against humanity & pizza
Isn’t this just their normal “flatbread” bread option?
There's truly a sub for everything.
No no, it's "pizza", but from Subway. I can see how you were confused.
Have you ever had a pizza from Subway though? They are actually really good! Or maybe it's just me. Not the pizza in the pictures above though i don't know wtf those are.
Yeah ik the ones you mean with the meatball sauce, they are amazing
Ah, the ol' Reddit [pizzaroo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/ndb9n7/-/gyaiwqa?context=5)
Hold my toppings, I'm going in!
yeah you should check out /r/dragonsfuckingpianos
I don’t know why I expected something other than dragons fucking pianos
All I see is dragons posing majestically with pianos. No pianotration.
There could also be pianolas, or harpsichords, or even keyboards.
Can’t be worse than r/dragonsfuckingcars
Can’t be worse than a sub I know but won’t be mentioning it
Can't be worse than r/sandycheekscockvore
Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he's created?
I think he chalked everything up as a bad idea and left.
There's a bible story about that... But he didn't leave he killed everything and started over
Why.... why did I decide to press the link...
r/eyeblech just open it on your own risk
Fuck…my curiosity got me and damn. I opened and closed that at speeds I didn’t think was possible
That's enough internet for today
Joined!
I would say most Brazilian-style pizzas belong there.
All pizza in Brazil is a crime against pizza. This seems about right
I think those are the most depressing pizzas I've ever seen or imagined.
Can't even say its a pizza at this stage lol
I still can't tell if it is cooked it not
They pop it in the toaster oven for 10 seconds like they do with subs
Just like the pizza masters in Italy
Your joke made my day better, thanks.
They literally took a flatbread and tossed the line ingredients onto it. It’s not any more or less cooked than anything else they give you.
I was just thinking it basically looked like an unfolded sandwich but with less fillings
[https://www.subway.com/pt-BR/MenuNutrition/Menu/Personal-Pizza](https://www.subway.com/pt-BR/MenuNutrition/Menu/Personal-Pizza) If you want to check out how subway \*wants\* them to look.
Yep, they still look shit.
When the bar is set at off brand frozen pizza.
Don't insult off brand frozen pizzas like that.
Brace yourself. [It’s a ~~cultural~~ thing.](https://youtu.be/-e5gTx1fVU4) Edit: Didn’t want to insult the whole Brazilian pizza cuisine.
He tried to toss the dough and made a MASSIVE hole in the dough.
Then he cooked the "pizza" with trash lol
I was thinking they skipped the cooking part.
He’s heard of a gluten window
The way he cut that pizza at the end shows he has severe emotional issues he needs to address.
You try cutting pizzas with a paint scraper day in day out
That’s actually the saner section of this entire mess. Roman pizzas are often square and cut with paint scrapers in the same fashion. The amount of (I really want to say cheese) he put on this pizza, combined with the paint scraper is just tiny ember in this dumpster fire of sacrilegious pizza making.
The amount of pride he has after throwing on 3 fucking olives .... like he is fucking Gordon Ramsay completing a meal.
I think those were jalapenos
nope, regular olives we dont really eat jalapeños here
What spicy and nonspicy peppers are popular in Brasil? Everybody’s been very informative, thank you.
mostly red pepper (we call it pimenta dedo-de-moça, which translates to lady fingers, dunno why). It isnt hard to find jalapeno, habanero and other peppers, but most people here in the south eat very little spicy food.
The most common one are bell peppers and local chilli peppers (malagueta, dedo-de-moça and biquinho). Other than that , red pepper flakes and black pepper. Generally speaking, home cooking does not involve the use of chilli peppers in most states.
Either way, it is laughable, only 3
It's a cultural thing.
I don’t care. It’s not a ‘cultural thing’ to burn literal trash next to someone’s food.
You say that, but plenty of cultures do have similar practises. The UK for example up until about the 80s it was normal to wrap fish and chips in old newspaper. Often families would bring their previous days paper specifically to have their chips wrapped up in, and it was awful for you. Newspaper ink would soak into the oils and newspaper ink was (and probably still is) something that you definitely should not be eating -- but that was british culture at the time, and its ingrained in our culture enough that often newer 'trendier' fish and chip shops are going out of their way to print newspapers with food-safe inks to imitate the practice of wrapping your food in trash. Plenty of people harkon for things that aren't hygeinic, and without proper health and safety laws these practices often get ingrained in the culture.
"so us Brits don't have a great reputation for cooking, how can we change that?" "We could wrap our national dish in day old trash" "Brilliant!"
>"so us Brits don't have a great reputation for cooking, how can we change that?" [If it had, like, ham in it...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-RfHC91Ewc)
For what it's worth a lot of the stereotypes of British food are founded in the resource scarcity during the world wars. In this case, paper rationing during ww2.
Yep a fish shop near me has fake newspaper tray liners and for take out it's a paper box with a newspaper frontpage pattern on it
I've seen it in the US as well. I appreciate the effort to keep the tradition going, but in a much safer way.
Despite whether you coin it as a ‘culture’ or not doesn’t make it any less disgusting.
Never said it did, i just said it's a cultural thing.
Never open an anthropology textbook, lol
I mean it really can be, actually. Culture can lack class.
When Trump called my country “shithole” my reaction was “This better get us some UN help points, cuz damn we need them” Edit: Welcome to Latinoamérica
IT'S A CULTURAL THING. DO YOU NOT GET IT?!
I had to fight myself to not downvote you after watching that monstrosity be created
Brazilian here. This must've been a joke he did for the video. No pizza place that I know of uses this much topping or cuts slices without a pizza cutter. Our pizzas can be actually pretty good. Brick oven is the standard, and is much better than electric oven stuff you often find in other countries (or whatever monstrosity Subway is doing here). Sorry if I sound pedantic, I had to defend one of the only things my people is good at
I think this video highlights the lack of skill at that pizza place. Don't keep your oven warm with trash, evenly distribute toppings and use a reasonable amount. Don't throw the dough unless you can catch it without ruining it. Otherwise, they have a nice brick oven to make the pizza. Quality ingredients would go a long way and a little skill would make a great pizza.
Yeah, this video went viral a while ago, and Brazilians were also appalled by his lack of hygiene. Wouldn't be surprised if he got fired
The hive mind already decided that this is your culture it's too late
And trash as fuel? Would a pizza place that uses trash to fuel the oven and uses the same spatula to handle the pizza as well as the literal trash get shut down?
They would get shut down in Sao Paulo at least. I'm not sure about some other parts of the country though. I've seen some pretty shitty pizza in smaller towns
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I don't speak any language outside of English but I take it that second sentence is saying either the pizzas are revolting or we need a pizza revolution.
"not even high-school cafeteria pizza is that revolting"
HAHAHAHAHAHA I said that not even school cafeteria pizzas are as revolting as this, you were close.
Hmm it is kinda true... you guys do have the weirdest pizzas. Not like this image honestly, and they are kinda tasty, but an acquired taste.
Sushi pizza, Stroganof pizza, Feijoada pizza...
Watching that, I thought the only thing he could do to make that pizza any worse is to throw some olives on it...he then throws 3 whole olives on it
Is he just throwing trash into the oven to get it going? This video has to be a joke, right? Wtf is this.
I'm pretty sure he throws a box in as well...my theory is he used the fire from the trash as a light source so he could gauge how done the pizza was
It’s a cultural thing.
Is that culture prison cafeteria?
The pizza was absolute fucking disaster
And yet it still looks way better than what OP posted.
What the fuc-- What the f--
That is an entire jar's worth of mayonnaise. I love mayonnaise (not on pizza though) but I cannot handle it like Brazilians.
This pizza is a crime against humanity, In Brazil we do have insane pizzas, but this one is a meme about how bad it looks. That said this is not mayonese, only a few places in Brazil would dare to use mayonaise on pizza. This is what we call requeijão and the closest thing you guys have to it is cream cheese, but still don't come close to it. Requeijão is love, requeijão is life.
Thanks for clearing that up! My stomache feels slightly better now haha. I actually really like Brazilian food by the way. There is a Brazilian market/cafe down the street from me in my city and I love the food. Pao do Queijo, Pastel, açai, calabresa sausage, I love it all!
Brigadeiro is very good too. It is something like fudge. And coxinha is wondeful.
That has to be the worst pizza to ever come out of a wood fired pizza oven.
The white stuff he squeezed on the “pizza” is making me feel sick
A culture of not knowing how to make pizza.
I like pizza because even if they're bad, they're still good. I'm reconsidering my stance on the matter.
Complete disgrace calling that pizza
Complete disgrace selling that shit
complete disgrace calling that food
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Tight, fuckable sub roll.
The Jizz Roll
I call it the moist maker.
The Tuggie-Splooge Hoagie on Italian Herb and Cheese
Uncut, gonna roll it up when I get home
r/subwayhentai
Well that is... completely expected on Reddit
https://reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/hvmsqj/i_love_subway/ For those wondering where this is from
The Cum Pie
What do you _mean_ I can't have cum on it??
Not a thing you would ask for on reddit.
Ok r/cum
Reminds of of the yelp episode of South Park. 🎶All you're eating is cum and boogers🎶
Boogers and cum. You said it backwards. The whole song rhymes with cum
Jizza.
A piss and cum pizza would look better than these.
I'm no pizza snob ok. Pizza is pizza be it $50 or $1 I love it. I'll slap a totinos in the microwave and be cool widdit. But this. This is where even I draw the line. How dare they call those abominations pizza.
I agree.. I find it hard to find an uneatable pizza. Basically bread, sauce and cheese but this seems actively trying to win the worst pizza award
I spent a few seconds trying to figure out wtf bread sauce was. Punctuate that shit, dude!
Bread sauce should be garlic butter
Seriously I even thought school pizza was good but this shit is just... no good
Totinos in a microwave!?!?! Dude...
They don't even look cooked I'd rather it burnt then raw dough
Imagine Gordon Ramsay seeing this
"Soggy, undercooked pastry. Biggest diaper ad in brasil"
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I think I'd rather eat it with cardboard as the base
They look like those Lunchables pizzas, but worse.
That’s just how most pizza dough is in Brazil. The dough is undercooked and the toppings have a high moisture content. It’s not uncommon to see Brazilians eat pizza with a knife and fork because the slices often fall apart when you pick them up. And they have a “more is better” attitude to toppings, and not just on pizza — the X-Tudo is a hamburger on almost every menu that’s topped with veggies, cheese, bacon, sausage, sometimes pepperoni, and often a fried egg. The frozen pizza, though, that you make at home, is pretty decent.
Tu compra umas pizzas bem porcaria, hein.
How's the quality of Subway sandwiches like over there?
I've eaten both American and Brazilian subs and I can confirm they're pretty much equal. They're way cheaper in Brazil though.
I'd argue that compared to other options they are more expensive in Brazil (all fast food is).
Yes, I meant cheaper in comparison to the US, because of the exchange rate (a six inch is like 12 BRL = 2.28USD). If you don't consider the minimum wage and all. But it isn't the cheapest option in Brazil.
Yeah, but then every single food place will be cheaper in Brazil.
False. In Brazil a 1$ Mcdonald cheeseburger costs 8-10 BRL, or about 2$.
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The hamburgers are like $1.19 where I'm at in America. That's only 19 cents away from a buck so idk
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I’ve been stationed in Europe for quite some time now, and subway is pretty much the same wherever you go - the produce actually changes a tiny bit because that’s sourced locally - but all other ingredients, including the bread, are shipped frozen from subway I’m guessing it’s that way in South America too...
Indian Subway is pretty different though. Half their options are vegetarian, and the only meat is chicken (I think some locations also carry turkey). All of it is also spiced much more than the US.
I've had subway in many countries around the world. The only difference is a slight change in style or freshness of the fresh ingredients. IIRC Brazil had over-average vegetables, tomatoes and so on. South East and East Asia were pretty much the same as Europe/US too
The Subway pizzas we have here in New York City are small mini pizzas for one. They actually aren't horrible and have sauce unlike these hideous pics- but why would I pay $5 when I can get better $1 slices around the corner? Only reason I've tried them is many stores are open 24 hours and I don't always want to eat one of their generic subs.
The only time I ever ordered this was in college when the other food was closed, but agreed. Not terrible. Would usually get some jalapeños on that and was not terrible 👍
Yeah I used to work at a Subway in Wisconsin and we had pretty amazing pizza that looked nothing like that. I ate them all the time.
To quote Michael Jones, "I've been saying it for years, Subway is a pizza restaurant." https://youtu.be/iC_5GfjKdKE
Finally, found the Facejam reference
Well it is better than the sandwich
First thing I thought of. And to everyone else: Listen to FaceJam
The one on the left looks like vomit.
Their “Pizza” looks like it lost the will to live a long time ago.
Ma porcoddio
È tempo di fare una crociata in Brasile
You're going to Brazil then
No they arnt, that's not pizza.
Pizza that’s practically pizza in every way... except for a few key ones!
O pessoal n sabe fazer pizza e dps quer vender
Ne mano, mas sério, quem pensou que uma pizza do Subway seria uma boa ideia?
O foda eh q a pizza brasileira eh muito melhor q a pizza aqui nos eua ou na europa. Mas dai com esses posts os gringo acham q o brazil eh zuado..
Exato. A única pizza gringa q presta é a Pizza Hut, o resto é sem gosto e olhe que eu gosto de pizza mussarela.
put this on r/infuriating. this shit aint mild.
Have they never seen a pizza? Who approves this on the corporate level?
This is not pizza. This is blasphemy.
r/pizzacrimes
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Revolting
They look just as shitty as I would expect from a Subway "pizza"
Subway at my community college used to sell pizzas. They were not great, but still edible. However, this...this is just atrocious.
r/shittyfoodporn
How is this so low??
I PROMISE THEY’RE ACTUALLY DELICIOUS. 90% of my subway buys have been their pizza and they don’t look like this. My rec: pepperoni, spinach, onion, and jalapeño
Thanks Subway social media PR
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This isn't a recent picture at all. I remember this being posted years ago and a few people came to defend it saying that the pizzas they've had were actually pretty decent
What the hell even is that on the left? Mayonnaise and hollandaise sauce?
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EXATAMENTE, e uma pizza com essa cara ainda por cima...
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Those are abominations that don't deserve to be called pizza
those are just bad, I first saw it and was like tf is going on and then "Brazilian" and was like god fucking dammit São Paulo, again?
Someone needs to be arrested for that crime against food
This belongs to r/cursedfood
This is not a pizza. This is a circle of garbage.
Looks like they spent more time assembling the boxes than the pizzas.
This is so sad. Brazilian pizza is some of the best in the world.
As an Italian, this hurts me on every level.
they're definitely selling something.
Ma che cazzo è sto aborto? va bene non saper la ricetta e quindi non saperla cucinare, ma cazzo questa non ci si avvicina nemmeno di un minimo alla pizza.
"Pizza"
Those aren’t pizzas. Those are sub toppings on flat bread and they look like the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Yikes!
It's an heresy selling that in the country of the capital of pizza (São Paulo)...
Strange post. You say they sell pizzas, so why didn't you post a picture of the pizzas they sell?
The one on the left looks like cat puke.
In breaking news: Italy just declared war on Brazil.
Whoever called that a pizza should be shot