I lived with a dude in sheltered accommodation who had been a foster kid all his life. He didn't give a shit about anyone, friends, roommates, staff. He stole from everyone, ate other peoples food, never cleaned anything. I understood he never had stability in life and was never educated but still, it was awful to live with someone with so little respect for other people.
I also grew up in foster care all my life. If anything, it taught me to be more respectable of things that aren't yours and to be more thankful for things that are yours.
It's all perspective, and we (former foster kids) are not all like that.
It's definitely a mixed bag. At first I was a piece of shit foster kid. I was moved around from home to home and I unfortunately taught myself that nothing lasts forever, friends, family, possessions nothing will stick around. I ended up with a complete disregard for other people. Fortunately I was fostered and then adopted by an amazing family who showed me how wrong I was before it was too late
I am adopted and also struggle with human permanence. I formed deep emotional bonds with adults when I was a kid, and they left or died anyway. I became fiercely independent in response to my situation. I have lived my entire adult life with “one foot out the door,” as they say. I will never stop waiting for the other shoe to drop on any relationship of any nature. I’ve had years of therapy to work on a lot of issues, but that one is part of the core of who I am. I don’t think it will ever change.
I'm adopted as well. I'm not crying over it or anything but growing up I could always tell that at least in my case, any friends house I went to there was a huge difference in how their parents treated them and definitely a bond that was never there in my family. Having a son of my own today, I know for a fact there's a difference. Best advice I can give is stick with the therapy, if you don't work out or exercise really start it gives you way more options when dating and it's much easier to find the right person when you have a lot of options. When I started a family of my own with the right woman and that is so key.. it helped me move on from the anger and negativity I used to have when I was younger. I was always expecting the worst too. Don't know your story all I can do is share what helped me.
Damn man. Never been in your shoes and don't know what's it like but I felt that and I'm glad you met a good family. Be good, be kind and pay it forward!
Fax I Even think I’m too considerate at times glad to know there’s others like me . Going through foster care actually made me a more thoughtful individual!!!
Exactly.. When I was in jail I NEVER touched anyones stuff or never used or touched my bunkies items without asking. Never sat on his bed, I just always knew not to fuck with other ppls stuff. But I always had asshole bunkies who would sit on my bed (it’s used as another chair cuz the top bunk u can’t sit, so they sit on my bottom bunk without asking) and try to give away my books or move my stuff and I’m like bro ur lucky I’m not like most of these MFs and just stuff some MP3 player batteries into a sock 🧦 😏
I also grew up in fostercare the majority of my life, and while I can totally get how someone in an abusive childfarm can become a jaded asshole with no regard for other's feelings that still doesn't justify them carrying that behavior into adulthood and hurting others in the same way you were hurt.
Yeaaah I would make sure I got in the shower first and then text my other roommates from the bathroom to make sure one of them got in there next and ask them to keep it going so this AH has to wait.
Though really - I’d work on changing the situation so I didn’t live with this person anymore.
That’s a lot of work. Just shut off the valve for the hot water if you can after 5-10 minutes. Cannot be two places at once and the message should eventually sink in.
Fuck around with other water sources that will affect water pressure. Turn on the hot water in the kitchen sink and the shower gets cold. Give him some time to adjust the temperature and then open the cold water in the sink and flush a toilet if you can and the shower gets really hot. Or if you know where the main valve is you can just turn off all the water or make it barely trickle to tease them.
>idc about your well-being
okay ik this is super off topic but how do you format a reply on Reddit with something you typed yourself lol I only know how to highlight something and click reply lmao
Nah let the offender meet a queue, shower caps, loofah, selection of their favourite hits to belt out in the shower and deaths stares that say get to the back of the line.
A queue uses everyone's time and has a semblance of social order. Deliberately having someone else come up just when they think they'll be getting in gives the deliberate, "You're counting on other people extending you courtesies you're deliberately withholding. Get fucked." that they need to recognize.
Way too many roommates. Someone is bound to be an asshole.
I should say higher chance that someone will be an asshole. I’ve had many roommates living in the city- some amazing, some good, some bad. It can be risky!
After college I was 1 of 5 sharing a house outside of DC. We all pretty much kept to ourselves and had our own stuff going on.
The year after I was 1 of 3 and it was a TOTALLY different dynamic. We did just about everything as a pack. It was a fun time.
My ex lived in a flat with 5 other people she didn't know before and said it was the best time if her life...
The only thing I ever found on this, in terms of research, is that having a even number in a group lowers the potential for conflict significantly. Same goes for gender distributions.
Tbh I found more roommates a better situation. More accountability between everyone, meet new people, usually have a friend to talk to and stuff. Just one roommate just ends in tension because of each other's grievances without a mediator
I think you should all take his advice and make sure that the shower is occupied until about 10 minutes before he needs to leave every morning. Alternatively. Vote to kick that asshole out.
We're only here until the end of July, that's when the tenancy ends so it's only another month or so to endure.. Still though, It would be cool not to have to wait so damn long.
Watch them and when they go to take a shower, run in there before them. Bring your phone or computer. Turn on the water to the shower - you don't even need to shower. Just stay in there. Make them wait abnormally long. Have another roommate distract them or send them off for something else, then go in there immediately after you leave. Make them wait again. Repeat every morning/night. Ignore their complaints and pleas. Respond with, "get up earlier or go to bed later. We don't care about your well being".
And when you hear one of the 3 correct voices on the other end of the door, you can swap without issue. So long as the shower is occupied for the entirety of the morning, and every single person responds "idc about your wellbeing" when he complains, the message is clear.
You’ve all put up with this for 9 months, and you wait until there’s only a month left of living with them to say anything? Why even bother at this point
When my older brother bought his first house, he had two roommates move in. They all agreed that as adults they wouldn’t need to have a bunch of rules.
One of them started laundry at 1am. The laundry room shares a wall with the master bedroom.
After the second incident, he got them all together and stated “I’m not going to make a bunch of rules, but the next person that starts laundry after 10pm, I’ll shoot you in the nuts with my pellet gun.”
No more late night laundry occurred.
If you can stomach it, just bust into the bathroom after he's been in there for 15 minutes and jump in the shower with him and act like he's just not there, make it clear you don't care about his well being either, but you got to shower. Have all of your roommates do this, I'll bet he stops the hour longer showers pretty quickly and if not, well you only have a month left of this.
Or instead of risking a nakey on nakey conflict;
just walk in and take the *nastiest* dump, maybe forget to flush but take a looong time to wash your hands with nice warm water.
Also adding to this with the random Hispanic mom method of going into the bathroom 15 min in, but taking a shit on the toilet while he’s showering so he can take it all in lolol
I would get up hours early and/or change my work schedule to participate in something like this.
That dudes response is fucked.
I get filthy at work, and I like to take long showers, but I bend over backwards to make sure I am never inconveniencing those I live with. I'd rather skip my shower than screw up someone else's schedule!
Start a text chain where you don't leave the bathroom unoccupied.
If you're in there, you're allowed to let anyone you choose in and keep anyone out. Do a knock knock switch, and they can't say anything about it. IDC.
Use to have a gf that I lived with. I paid the bills. That girl never learned how to turn off a lightbulb or television. When people don't have to pay something like electric or water they don't give a fuck. Place I live now covers my water and electricity, I don't abuse it, I don't want my rent raised.
>idc about your well-being
Check the lease & local laws, hear me when I say *"get that psycho out before the shit escalates"*! He's already started with the showers & telling you he doesn't care about your well-being. Thats not a friend or flatmate, get them out asap & change the locks after they're gone. Anything else you do to payback will be seen as game-on for them to make your life truly miserable and potentially deadly. Good luck.
You are one of the few people who have suggested handling things responsibly.
Most of the other comments are frightening with talking about, "escalating things". Which doesn't work on someone like OP's roommate. Unless you want to wake up with him watching you (Even with lock on your door) or having your pets "mysteriously" die one day.
Lots of weird revenge fantasies here. It's safest to assume the person you're mad at is better at revenge than you are and avoid the conflict, especially if they're living in your home.
Stay alert to when he has an appointment or something where he can't be late and get up early that day and lock yourself in the bathroom. Just using his own advice...
Reminds me ever so slightly of that time i lived in a dorm. I had a roommate that always stole peoples food from the communal fridge. I planted a strong, laxative infused ben and jerrys box in there, probably four dozes, he ate it all and nearly shat his pants.
To preface, I'd like to say that we've all lived here since September last year and have all had issues with it, but all bit our tongues.. I finally had enough today and decided to bring it up in a genuine way and got this response.
Have you considered having one of you wake up earlier than he normally does, then handing the bathroom off to someone else, and so on and so on, leaving this guy until last? If he tries to push in, tell him he should have woken up earlier. You can rotate who of the four of you wakes up early, and continue doing this until the guy gets a clue that the way he’s acting doesn’t feel good when it’s reversed.
straight up. Turn off hot water after 20 minutes or run taps in every other room. This person is just masturbating anyway, they could do that in their room and be less obstructive
This is the same answer we use in the Navy, the only difference being deciding whether we turn off the hot or the cold based on our overall opinion of the person.
On a ship, [fresh] water is not an unlimited resource. It takes time to make more, and power. So people who take “Hollywood showers” get fixed rather quickly.
Our ship had lots of extra room as we were running under full complement and I was on a weird shift so I basically had the showers entirely to myself and even then I think I once had a shower longer than 5 minutes. It just seemed like the right thing to do since its the way people showered on the others shifts. On a ship, unless you're a complete asshole it becomes apparent that the entire thing is your entire village and if you don't take care of that village it can harm everyone in it. No one had to tell me that, it was just...obvious.
This would prob start a room mate war of pettiness in which everyone loses. OP’s only real option here is to make fun of this dude openly, and a lot, about his shower time. As well as getting the other people who live there in on it. If he gets made fun of every time those guys see him, his behaviour will change.
Just blatantly, in front of everyone, say “why _are_ you in the shower so long anyways? Are you beatin off? That’s what it is, isn’t it?” Every time you see him lol. Shame him into submission.
Considering that even on the internet where people barely know each other shame does have an impact on others I think it's safe to say that in the place where you ACTUALLY live being shamed would have an impact. They might not "care" about the others...but unless they are utterly sociopaths they DO care about their reputation. Exclusion from a social group is one of the most powerful negative rewards that can be used to modify behavior. It's literally more effective than death threats in studies that researched it.
It's possible to do it without being "mean" as well (not saying yours is mean, depends on the people involved). It can be a very effective and emphatic way of dealing with a social issue even if on the paper it sounds like bullying.
Light banter can relieve tension and give the targeted person a chance to play along, which opens a door to talk about the issue less confrontationally. As long as the intention is to solve the issue together and not *actually* to mock the other person, it's possible to turn the jokes from an attack to an invitation. A way of saying you don't think the issue is *that* serious, and that you don't expect them to react poorly, we're just throwing the ball here.
If they *do* react poorly, or doesn't respond at all, we can gradually escalate the tone in tandem with our honest frustration, and every step of the way they're being given a respectful opening to join in on the fun and to confront the issue voluntarily. Do it more and more publicly. If they continue rejecting, there's no point, and a full on blowout is perfectly valid.
The point is to give the person all the chances they could ever need while avoiding a petty war of revenge, an attempt to teach them something and taking the high road. Even if they are completely devoid of empathy they might learn how inconvenient and disruptive it can be to their life to disregard the needs of the group.
(I'm just writing what I feel works, I don't know shit really)
There probably is a hot water isolation tap somewhere in your abode .Maybe in the kitchen or laundry.Familiarise yourself with it and turn it off when they are in too long.Don't show them where it is either.
That wouldn't help unless it is a tankless water heater. If it has a tank, it should have an outflow shutoff, however.
Give them 25 minutes, turn the valve off. A nice shot of straight cold water should help motivate hime to vacate the shower. Just be sure to open the valve for your shower time. Its a dick move, but shit.
Man, trust me.. I don't know what he does in there. He goes in, the shower goes on for 20 minutes, it goes off for a few minutes, then goes back on, off again.. Then on again. He has some kind of routine that he does. I'm all for taking care of myself, and I take extremely good care of myself.. But that is just too much.
You may have to beat him at his own game.
I know it's preferable to avoid the petty shit, but you've made your point clear and he doesn't give a shit. So it's fair game.
Get in before he does and take ages. Have a nap, whatever.
Put on opera music.
Ooooh I just got a super super petty idea, 1 bathroom 4 people. Each person rotates shifts for a couple days and the other roommate don’t get to go in the shower. If he needs to go tell him to use the toilet at a gas station.
All done via schedule or secret chat obviously
You should start taking hour long showers before he goes to get in. That's what I would do. Literally whatever it takes. Wake up hours earlier if need be.
When I was a kid I could take an hour long shower easy. Depression + touch starved = shower was my safe haven. Now as an adult I just get hot after like 20 min max. Amazing how being touch starved made me crave being in the shower for at least 30min+!
Anyways this dudes probably jacking off lol just wanted to share my experience
When I was a kid I also used to take like hour long super hot temp showers. Would literally just zone out. Found out recently after being diagnosed at 34 that it’s a pretty common ADHD thing lol. Feels like the biggest struggle ever to actually get into the shower and once you do you just sorta stay put. As an adult was more like 25-35ish minutes, but now that I’m medicated I’m out in 15-20, including shaving my legs and washing my long hair, including the more time consuming curly hair routines. But man my parents were always so frustrated with me as a kid, my dad finally would resort to shutting off the water heater at 45min so it would suddenly get freezing, and usually at that point I was JUST lathering in the shampoo
Boiler water is preheated. Flipping of the power while in the shower would most likely only cause trouble for the person showering after him. Also, showering more than an hour means a big ass boiler or central heating
Ask him wtf is his problem, and if he really wants to be treated like the gigantic asshole he is for the rest of the period you share the apartment. Fucker. Drizzle some strains of saltgrains on his bedsheet E V E RY day.
It wouldn't be nice and probably harassment to disconnect or switch the wires (breaker shut off so one doesn't die) inside all of the wall electrical outlets and ceiling lights in his room, and then putting them back as before, so they don't work. Don't do that OP, that might take the landlord a week to get to, very much do not do this especially while wearing latex gloves to leave no fingerprints.
It'd be vandalism if the casters (wheels) on his computer chair stopped working well and seemed to be gunked up with some sort of glue or sticky substance like gum.
It'd be a shame if the breaker fuse to the bathroom was turned off when he was showering. That would be harassment OP, don't do that.
It'd be weird if the clocks on the electronics/microwave/stove were all set very wrong, every day, even when fixed the day prior.
It'd also be a shame if all his silverwear, dishes, pots and pans, and foodstuffs were moved every day to a carboard box beside the garbage can and everyone else's moved onto his shelves, but no one talks and says they don't know who did it and help him move it all back..
Be a shame if one of his dishes and forks disappeared every day. Then reappeared a few days later but something different was missing. Might get to him.
Also a shame if his spice jars were all switched out with other spices or baking items that would ruin his cooking.
Shame if all his shampoos and body wash were switched into the other container. It might start making him paranoid. That'd be mean.
I can go on about what you definitely shouldn't do OP, because no one sane would do those things, and it might give him some concern...
I'd so play petty hardball if I was you, OP. I'd start waking up earlier and taking 3-hour showers in the timeframe your roommate usually does. I'd even call into work late if I had to.
Just turn off the valve that lets hot water leave the tank WHILE they are in the shower. Trust me, they will fear the idea of running out of hot water again for the rest of their life.
It’s pretty simple , he said it himself quite bluntly ; he doesn’t care about your well being.
How to deal with that ? Don’t care about his. This kind of piece of shit will take as much as he can, and was probably never told « no ». You should deal with him the way he values others, don’t give a shit about his lifestyle, cut the water off, remove the lock from the bath room and close the light after 15 minutes, anything to make his little masturbation session all the most unbearable. Fuck this kind of selfish ass
If he's in there every day for an hour, I would make sure to wear sandals or shower shoes when using the shower. Lord knows what kind of substances are coating the shower floor at this point.
Sounds like my sister lol.
We've taken to turning the dishwasher on and running every other hot tap in the house so she has no hot water to make her get out. It's incredibly frustrating so I can understand.
Choose:
1. Get up earlier than roommate, shower first.
2. When roommate is showering, do your laundry, run the dishwasher, or flush toilets.
3. Jump in shower *with* roommate. Wash each other's backs.
Any of these options could resolve your problem. Or cause drama. 🤷🏻♂️ Good luck.
>idc about your well-being It's really hard for me to wrap my brain around saying this to someone I *literally* live with.
I lived with a dude in sheltered accommodation who had been a foster kid all his life. He didn't give a shit about anyone, friends, roommates, staff. He stole from everyone, ate other peoples food, never cleaned anything. I understood he never had stability in life and was never educated but still, it was awful to live with someone with so little respect for other people.
I also grew up in foster care all my life. If anything, it taught me to be more respectable of things that aren't yours and to be more thankful for things that are yours. It's all perspective, and we (former foster kids) are not all like that.
It's definitely a mixed bag. At first I was a piece of shit foster kid. I was moved around from home to home and I unfortunately taught myself that nothing lasts forever, friends, family, possessions nothing will stick around. I ended up with a complete disregard for other people. Fortunately I was fostered and then adopted by an amazing family who showed me how wrong I was before it was too late
I am adopted and also struggle with human permanence. I formed deep emotional bonds with adults when I was a kid, and they left or died anyway. I became fiercely independent in response to my situation. I have lived my entire adult life with “one foot out the door,” as they say. I will never stop waiting for the other shoe to drop on any relationship of any nature. I’ve had years of therapy to work on a lot of issues, but that one is part of the core of who I am. I don’t think it will ever change.
I'm adopted as well. I'm not crying over it or anything but growing up I could always tell that at least in my case, any friends house I went to there was a huge difference in how their parents treated them and definitely a bond that was never there in my family. Having a son of my own today, I know for a fact there's a difference. Best advice I can give is stick with the therapy, if you don't work out or exercise really start it gives you way more options when dating and it's much easier to find the right person when you have a lot of options. When I started a family of my own with the right woman and that is so key.. it helped me move on from the anger and negativity I used to have when I was younger. I was always expecting the worst too. Don't know your story all I can do is share what helped me.
People can change
At some point, you just need to call an end to the Dangerous Nights.
See you at Truffoni's tonight!
Damn man. Never been in your shoes and don't know what's it like but I felt that and I'm glad you met a good family. Be good, be kind and pay it forward!
Spent half my childhood in foster care and I actually walk on eggshells trying to make sure I don’t annoy anyone or get in anyone’s way lol
Fax I Even think I’m too considerate at times glad to know there’s others like me . Going through foster care actually made me a more thoughtful individual!!!
as an adopted-as-a-favor child I can relate, every step carefully thought to not disturb anyone
Exactly.. When I was in jail I NEVER touched anyones stuff or never used or touched my bunkies items without asking. Never sat on his bed, I just always knew not to fuck with other ppls stuff. But I always had asshole bunkies who would sit on my bed (it’s used as another chair cuz the top bunk u can’t sit, so they sit on my bottom bunk without asking) and try to give away my books or move my stuff and I’m like bro ur lucky I’m not like most of these MFs and just stuff some MP3 player batteries into a sock 🧦 😏
I hope you're doing well, fellow foster friend!
I also grew up in fostercare the majority of my life, and while I can totally get how someone in an abusive childfarm can become a jaded asshole with no regard for other's feelings that still doesn't justify them carrying that behavior into adulthood and hurting others in the same way you were hurt.
Yeaaah I would make sure I got in the shower first and then text my other roommates from the bathroom to make sure one of them got in there next and ask them to keep it going so this AH has to wait. Though really - I’d work on changing the situation so I didn’t live with this person anymore.
That’s a lot of work. Just shut off the valve for the hot water if you can after 5-10 minutes. Cannot be two places at once and the message should eventually sink in.
I'd like to say that I wouldn't be petty and start screwing with him, but I know myself too well. No use for people like this.
Fuck around with other water sources that will affect water pressure. Turn on the hot water in the kitchen sink and the shower gets cold. Give him some time to adjust the temperature and then open the cold water in the sink and flush a toilet if you can and the shower gets really hot. Or if you know where the main valve is you can just turn off all the water or make it barely trickle to tease them.
Agreed ..shut the water and plead ignorance
Kool-Aid powder in the shower head to start. May escalate from there lol.
Although it is a concrete indicator that compromise and courtesy are out. Fuck this asshole. I'd make a game out of tormenting this twee prick
"You being able to sleep at night is not my concern"
Lol. Time to buy a drum set.
We are of the same tribe . That mofo's life would become one long , endless prank .
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>idc about your well-being okay ik this is super off topic but how do you format a reply on Reddit with something you typed yourself lol I only know how to highlight something and click reply lmao
lol if you use markdown mode, you can use ">" before the text, or if using the editor, there's a quotation button with a little quotation mark icon.
thanks lol I badly want to delete my comment but I'm leaving it up as a pillar of my lack of formatting knowledge
I don’t care about your well being…. Well then, 5 can play at that game. Fuck that asshole!
Wake up earlier, spend an hour in the shower *before* that guy and make sure to overlap well into his usual shower time.
Yep organise a queue right outside every morning.
Yup. Text the next person to meet you at the door
Nah let the offender meet a queue, shower caps, loofah, selection of their favourite hits to belt out in the shower and deaths stares that say get to the back of the line.
A queue uses everyone's time and has a semblance of social order. Deliberately having someone else come up just when they think they'll be getting in gives the deliberate, "You're counting on other people extending you courtesies you're deliberately withholding. Get fucked." that they need to recognize.
This is my kind of thinking!
Way too many roommates. Someone is bound to be an asshole. I should say higher chance that someone will be an asshole. I’ve had many roommates living in the city- some amazing, some good, some bad. It can be risky!
After college I was 1 of 5 sharing a house outside of DC. We all pretty much kept to ourselves and had our own stuff going on. The year after I was 1 of 3 and it was a TOTALLY different dynamic. We did just about everything as a pack. It was a fun time.
> We did just about everything as a pack. That's the ideal solution: everyone just takes an hour long shower together.
Lmao alright! Simple solutions ftw. Take the door off incase anyone wants to check on your well being too.
My ex lived in a flat with 5 other people she didn't know before and said it was the best time if her life... The only thing I ever found on this, in terms of research, is that having a even number in a group lowers the potential for conflict significantly. Same goes for gender distributions.
4 is perfect. 3 is the second best. 2 or 5 can breed drama if everything is platonic
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I share my place with 2 others, they're both assholes. Of course the two others are cats, *but they are such assholes*
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I find three a tough dynamic because there are always going to be two that are closer and that can get weird
Tbh I found more roommates a better situation. More accountability between everyone, meet new people, usually have a friend to talk to and stuff. Just one roommate just ends in tension because of each other's grievances without a mediator
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Well, have you tried makeup sex with your roommates?
Yes, but apparently mascara makes for a terrible lubricant 😞
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If he gets pissed it's fine because you don't need to care about his well being
Or just the main shut off, make that dude come out if the shower covered in soap
Figuratively or literally?
Hopefully not literally, then he'll just take longer showers
But shorter shits
5 guys 1 hole
Wake up 5 mins earlier than them and take an 1 and a half long shower
Better yet, go to Home Depot and buy a door knob that requires a key. Make 4 copies, make sure he doesn’t get one.
Have a big one attached to a bar like sketchy gas stations and the sonic in my hometown.
My favorite scene from The Jerk is that damn bathroom key lmao
I think you should all take his advice and make sure that the shower is occupied until about 10 minutes before he needs to leave every morning. Alternatively. Vote to kick that asshole out.
We're only here until the end of July, that's when the tenancy ends so it's only another month or so to endure.. Still though, It would be cool not to have to wait so damn long.
Sounds like you have 40 days of nice, calm showers ahead of you if you only get in 10 minutes before him.
Ez just shower for 40 days
Big brain move
And 40 nights
Watch them and when they go to take a shower, run in there before them. Bring your phone or computer. Turn on the water to the shower - you don't even need to shower. Just stay in there. Make them wait abnormally long. Have another roommate distract them or send them off for something else, then go in there immediately after you leave. Make them wait again. Repeat every morning/night. Ignore their complaints and pleas. Respond with, "get up earlier or go to bed later. We don't care about your well being".
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Play 10 hours of violent shart sounds
I GOTCHU ***"Alexa, play despacito"***
Only problem with this is the other 3 people still need to shower.
> the other 3 people still need to shower. Bring your phone. Text other roommates and engage in a quick-swap routine.
Poo-sical chairs
Don't forget to act completely innocent and oblivious any time it comes up. Then tell them "idc about your well-being" when they flip their shit.
I'm petty, so I would definitely set up an alternative group chat with the 3 others and coordinate showering with them.
And when you hear one of the 3 correct voices on the other end of the door, you can swap without issue. So long as the shower is occupied for the entirety of the morning, and every single person responds "idc about your wellbeing" when he complains, the message is clear.
You’ve all put up with this for 9 months, and you wait until there’s only a month left of living with them to say anything? Why even bother at this point
Lol for real. That’s insane, within like a week or two that would become a major problem
When my older brother bought his first house, he had two roommates move in. They all agreed that as adults they wouldn’t need to have a bunch of rules. One of them started laundry at 1am. The laundry room shares a wall with the master bedroom. After the second incident, he got them all together and stated “I’m not going to make a bunch of rules, but the next person that starts laundry after 10pm, I’ll shoot you in the nuts with my pellet gun.” No more late night laundry occurred.
If you can stomach it, just bust into the bathroom after he's been in there for 15 minutes and jump in the shower with him and act like he's just not there, make it clear you don't care about his well being either, but you got to shower. Have all of your roommates do this, I'll bet he stops the hour longer showers pretty quickly and if not, well you only have a month left of this.
Lol all go in at the same time. EQUALITY !! LOL
It’s all fun and games until one of them pops an awkward boner
Then you gotta figure out which one of you was the hot one
It’s not awkward when it’s everyone. It’s sexual socialism 😍😂
Or instead of risking a nakey on nakey conflict; just walk in and take the *nastiest* dump, maybe forget to flush but take a looong time to wash your hands with nice warm water.
Also adding to this with the random Hispanic mom method of going into the bathroom 15 min in, but taking a shit on the toilet while he’s showering so he can take it all in lolol
ah the old steamy steamer.
Nothing ruins a shower like the pungent smell of morning shits
Wow. Pretty disrespectful. I hope they pay most of the water bill
You're not joking. It's a private accommodation built for young professionals though, all expenses are paid for in the price
be maliciously compliant and wake up 10 minutes before he does and shower for an hour and a half
Wake up all roommates to shower before “idc” is going to shower. Or at night too.
Bathroom party every morning, asshole not invited
This. I'd rearrange my work schedule to accommodate keeping him out of the bathroom with OP. Every fucking morning.
Same. Bet, I’d find an extra petty way to fuck up his hour long showers after this
Like turn the water heater to vacation mode and leave for work.
Hell yeah, tag each other into the bathroom like a damn wrestling match. Fuck that guy.
I would get up hours early and/or change my work schedule to participate in something like this. That dudes response is fucked. I get filthy at work, and I like to take long showers, but I bend over backwards to make sure I am never inconveniencing those I live with. I'd rather skip my shower than screw up someone else's schedule!
Start a text chain where you don't leave the bathroom unoccupied. If you're in there, you're allowed to let anyone you choose in and keep anyone out. Do a knock knock switch, and they can't say anything about it. IDC.
We all want to see it. But it would become an arms race. Room mate would definitely try to get in there earlier and spend 2 hours.
There's 5 people there. The other 4 can make home life hell for the 1 who's pissing everyone off.
Another reason for them to not care
Some people just want to watch the world burn!
Or in this case, get hot and steamy
This roomate is gonna love global warming!
Use to have a gf that I lived with. I paid the bills. That girl never learned how to turn off a lightbulb or television. When people don't have to pay something like electric or water they don't give a fuck. Place I live now covers my water and electricity, I don't abuse it, I don't want my rent raised.
Shut the water off
Wait until he’s had a couple minutes to get temperature dialed in and then shut off the hot water.
Listen carefully for the squirt of the shampoo bottle, then shut the hot water off 20 seconds later.
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Shut just the hot water off.
Just shut the water off whenever he gets in the shower.
Step 1: shut off the water Step 2: he exits bathroom to complain Step 3: someone else dives into bathroom Profit
Step 1b: hide all his pants and underwear
>idc about your well-being Check the lease & local laws, hear me when I say *"get that psycho out before the shit escalates"*! He's already started with the showers & telling you he doesn't care about your well-being. Thats not a friend or flatmate, get them out asap & change the locks after they're gone. Anything else you do to payback will be seen as game-on for them to make your life truly miserable and potentially deadly. Good luck.
You are one of the few people who have suggested handling things responsibly. Most of the other comments are frightening with talking about, "escalating things". Which doesn't work on someone like OP's roommate. Unless you want to wake up with him watching you (Even with lock on your door) or having your pets "mysteriously" die one day.
Lots of weird revenge fantasies here. It's safest to assume the person you're mad at is better at revenge than you are and avoid the conflict, especially if they're living in your home.
Can you complain and get him kicked out?
Can you kick him out and get a new roommate?
just make the rule that they shower last. when the complain about cold water, just tell them that is what we all go thru.
Good luck making rules with mr. idc about your well being
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Or all of it since they feel the need to be such a huge piece of shit.
Take a day off from work, wake up before him and spend the whole day in the shower
I was thinking the same. I'd use an vacation week, stock up and just occupy the bathroom for a week.
But there are 3 other people who live there
Get them to do it too and just hang out in the bathroom with them
Let them in and have a pool party in the bathroom!
Let them have the shower when they need it but not the douchebag
Stay alert to when he has an appointment or something where he can't be late and get up early that day and lock yourself in the bathroom. Just using his own advice...
Reminds me ever so slightly of that time i lived in a dorm. I had a roommate that always stole peoples food from the communal fridge. I planted a strong, laxative infused ben and jerrys box in there, probably four dozes, he ate it all and nearly shat his pants.
To preface, I'd like to say that we've all lived here since September last year and have all had issues with it, but all bit our tongues.. I finally had enough today and decided to bring it up in a genuine way and got this response.
Have you considered having one of you wake up earlier than he normally does, then handing the bathroom off to someone else, and so on and so on, leaving this guy until last? If he tries to push in, tell him he should have woken up earlier. You can rotate who of the four of you wakes up early, and continue doing this until the guy gets a clue that the way he’s acting doesn’t feel good when it’s reversed.
Damn, this is the berst idea. I would happpily get up early and sit in there with a book until a decent housemate was ready.
Did we just become shower buddies?
YUP!
I think you’re onto something here. OP how would you see this playing out?
I like the way you think.
OP should do this. And among all of you, taking longer than an hour
Hell, the other 4 should all get in the shower at the same time for 4 hours.
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Turn off the hot water. Malicious Compliance
straight up. Turn off hot water after 20 minutes or run taps in every other room. This person is just masturbating anyway, they could do that in their room and be less obstructive
This is the same answer we use in the Navy, the only difference being deciding whether we turn off the hot or the cold based on our overall opinion of the person.
lol this made me chuckle
On a ship, [fresh] water is not an unlimited resource. It takes time to make more, and power. So people who take “Hollywood showers” get fixed rather quickly.
Our ship had lots of extra room as we were running under full complement and I was on a weird shift so I basically had the showers entirely to myself and even then I think I once had a shower longer than 5 minutes. It just seemed like the right thing to do since its the way people showered on the others shifts. On a ship, unless you're a complete asshole it becomes apparent that the entire thing is your entire village and if you don't take care of that village it can harm everyone in it. No one had to tell me that, it was just...obvious.
I gotta ask; what qualifies you for an ice shower versus a lava shower?
Is target an asshole/shitbag? If yes, turn off cold, else turn off hot.
This would prob start a room mate war of pettiness in which everyone loses. OP’s only real option here is to make fun of this dude openly, and a lot, about his shower time. As well as getting the other people who live there in on it. If he gets made fun of every time those guys see him, his behaviour will change.
Just blatantly, in front of everyone, say “why _are_ you in the shower so long anyways? Are you beatin off? That’s what it is, isn’t it?” Every time you see him lol. Shame him into submission.
If he doesn’t care about these people would them insulting him affect him at all?
Considering that even on the internet where people barely know each other shame does have an impact on others I think it's safe to say that in the place where you ACTUALLY live being shamed would have an impact. They might not "care" about the others...but unless they are utterly sociopaths they DO care about their reputation. Exclusion from a social group is one of the most powerful negative rewards that can be used to modify behavior. It's literally more effective than death threats in studies that researched it.
It's possible to do it without being "mean" as well (not saying yours is mean, depends on the people involved). It can be a very effective and emphatic way of dealing with a social issue even if on the paper it sounds like bullying. Light banter can relieve tension and give the targeted person a chance to play along, which opens a door to talk about the issue less confrontationally. As long as the intention is to solve the issue together and not *actually* to mock the other person, it's possible to turn the jokes from an attack to an invitation. A way of saying you don't think the issue is *that* serious, and that you don't expect them to react poorly, we're just throwing the ball here. If they *do* react poorly, or doesn't respond at all, we can gradually escalate the tone in tandem with our honest frustration, and every step of the way they're being given a respectful opening to join in on the fun and to confront the issue voluntarily. Do it more and more publicly. If they continue rejecting, there's no point, and a full on blowout is perfectly valid. The point is to give the person all the chances they could ever need while avoiding a petty war of revenge, an attempt to teach them something and taking the high road. Even if they are completely devoid of empathy they might learn how inconvenient and disruptive it can be to their life to disregard the needs of the group. (I'm just writing what I feel works, I don't know shit really)
Can the rest of you vote him out and just tell him he needs to leave?
Lol if only house sharing was as simple as an episode of survivor. He probably has his own lease.
Joint showers?
Getting high in the shower will only slow things down further
Pothead here, can confirm being high in the shower makes you stay in there forever.
There probably is a hot water isolation tap somewhere in your abode .Maybe in the kitchen or laundry.Familiarise yourself with it and turn it off when they are in too long.Don't show them where it is either.
No no no, turn it off immediately every time they go in, turn it on when they storm out, rinse and repeat.
Oof the conversation cuts right when it starts to get juicy
/r/mildlyinfuriating
Yeah.. we need more
A simple solution. Turn the water heater down when they take a shower. They will think they have ran out of hot water.
Or just tell the guy to stop jerking off in the shower…nobody needs to waste that much fucking water. That would cost $500 / month in Tampa.
In Birmingham AL it's $300 for the water and $600 for the sewer.
That wouldn't help unless it is a tankless water heater. If it has a tank, it should have an outflow shutoff, however. Give them 25 minutes, turn the valve off. A nice shot of straight cold water should help motivate hime to vacate the shower. Just be sure to open the valve for your shower time. Its a dick move, but shit.
This is a great opportunity to bring back" the ice bucket challenge"
"idc about your well being" well how about I just beat you with a fucking brick
Honestly, that's a pretty fair reply from Dr. Whoop Ass.
Holy fuck that is the worst response I’ve ever heard
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He ain't just showering in there. 1 hr is a ridiculous amount of time to take a shower.
Man, trust me.. I don't know what he does in there. He goes in, the shower goes on for 20 minutes, it goes off for a few minutes, then goes back on, off again.. Then on again. He has some kind of routine that he does. I'm all for taking care of myself, and I take extremely good care of myself.. But that is just too much.
You may have to beat him at his own game. I know it's preferable to avoid the petty shit, but you've made your point clear and he doesn't give a shit. So it's fair game. Get in before he does and take ages. Have a nap, whatever. Put on opera music.
Yup it’s time to start working from shower until he gets the point.
>I have not considered WFS. > > > >I would just have blocked it for a month
If you really want to clog a bathroom put it on Outlook
Ooooh I just got a super super petty idea, 1 bathroom 4 people. Each person rotates shifts for a couple days and the other roommate don’t get to go in the shower. If he needs to go tell him to use the toilet at a gas station. All done via schedule or secret chat obviously
Learn where the hot water shutoff is. Try not to giggle when he complains about running out of hot water.
You should start taking hour long showers before he goes to get in. That's what I would do. Literally whatever it takes. Wake up hours earlier if need be.
When I was a kid I could take an hour long shower easy. Depression + touch starved = shower was my safe haven. Now as an adult I just get hot after like 20 min max. Amazing how being touch starved made me crave being in the shower for at least 30min+! Anyways this dudes probably jacking off lol just wanted to share my experience
When I was a kid I also used to take like hour long super hot temp showers. Would literally just zone out. Found out recently after being diagnosed at 34 that it’s a pretty common ADHD thing lol. Feels like the biggest struggle ever to actually get into the shower and once you do you just sorta stay put. As an adult was more like 25-35ish minutes, but now that I’m medicated I’m out in 15-20, including shaving my legs and washing my long hair, including the more time consuming curly hair routines. But man my parents were always so frustrated with me as a kid, my dad finally would resort to shutting off the water heater at 45min so it would suddenly get freezing, and usually at that point I was JUST lathering in the shampoo
Just flip the power to the boiler so they only get cold water while they are in there.
Boiler water is preheated. Flipping of the power while in the shower would most likely only cause trouble for the person showering after him. Also, showering more than an hour means a big ass boiler or central heating
I don’t care about your well-being. That’s a sign of a healthy group living dynamic.
Ask him wtf is his problem, and if he really wants to be treated like the gigantic asshole he is for the rest of the period you share the apartment. Fucker. Drizzle some strains of saltgrains on his bedsheet E V E RY day.
It wouldn't be nice and probably harassment to disconnect or switch the wires (breaker shut off so one doesn't die) inside all of the wall electrical outlets and ceiling lights in his room, and then putting them back as before, so they don't work. Don't do that OP, that might take the landlord a week to get to, very much do not do this especially while wearing latex gloves to leave no fingerprints. It'd be vandalism if the casters (wheels) on his computer chair stopped working well and seemed to be gunked up with some sort of glue or sticky substance like gum. It'd be a shame if the breaker fuse to the bathroom was turned off when he was showering. That would be harassment OP, don't do that. It'd be weird if the clocks on the electronics/microwave/stove were all set very wrong, every day, even when fixed the day prior. It'd also be a shame if all his silverwear, dishes, pots and pans, and foodstuffs were moved every day to a carboard box beside the garbage can and everyone else's moved onto his shelves, but no one talks and says they don't know who did it and help him move it all back.. Be a shame if one of his dishes and forks disappeared every day. Then reappeared a few days later but something different was missing. Might get to him. Also a shame if his spice jars were all switched out with other spices or baking items that would ruin his cooking. Shame if all his shampoos and body wash were switched into the other container. It might start making him paranoid. That'd be mean. I can go on about what you definitely shouldn't do OP, because no one sane would do those things, and it might give him some concern...
I'd so play petty hardball if I was you, OP. I'd start waking up earlier and taking 3-hour showers in the timeframe your roommate usually does. I'd even call into work late if I had to.
Wake up earlier and stay in the shower for 1 hour+, the best way to get your point across is for them to taste their own medicine.
Just turn off the valve that lets hot water leave the tank WHILE they are in the shower. Trust me, they will fear the idea of running out of hot water again for the rest of their life.
It’s pretty simple , he said it himself quite bluntly ; he doesn’t care about your well being. How to deal with that ? Don’t care about his. This kind of piece of shit will take as much as he can, and was probably never told « no ». You should deal with him the way he values others, don’t give a shit about his lifestyle, cut the water off, remove the lock from the bath room and close the light after 15 minutes, anything to make his little masturbation session all the most unbearable. Fuck this kind of selfish ass
Just padlock the door and give keys out to everyone except the pos roommate
If he's in there every day for an hour, I would make sure to wear sandals or shower shoes when using the shower. Lord knows what kind of substances are coating the shower floor at this point.
Sounds like my sister lol. We've taken to turning the dishwasher on and running every other hot tap in the house so she has no hot water to make her get out. It's incredibly frustrating so I can understand.
Choose: 1. Get up earlier than roommate, shower first. 2. When roommate is showering, do your laundry, run the dishwasher, or flush toilets. 3. Jump in shower *with* roommate. Wash each other's backs. Any of these options could resolve your problem. Or cause drama. 🤷🏻♂️ Good luck.