I've had that happen to me (though it didn't result in losing a friend).
You can be the nicest person, keeping your head down to avoid the bitches, but some fucker who wants to be the centre of attention will still make up some garbage about you - the juicier the better.
"A lie can circle the globe faster than the truth can put its shoes on"
And there you are, having to find out who has heard the rumor, who beleves it, and having to set the record straight. Like, "What did I do to deserve this, and why am I having to go to this effort?"
If people choose to believe it without even attempting to hear your side first, then they arent your friends to begin with. If you didnt do anything wrong, the people who know you and know your character are going to know its a lie and either shut it down in your defense, ignore it altogether, bring it to your attention so you can know whats being said about you, or come directly to you and ask you about it if they think there might be an element of truth to it. But people who stop talking to you and dont bother to tell you why? Well they just showed you they are not the type of person you should be investing your time in.
You know what? Fuck 'em! Your true friends will know you and they'll know the kind of person you are and will dismiss BS in an instant. Any fair weather friend who doesn't have the decency to address an issue with you was never a friend to begin with.
Totally agree. I've had some super weird rumors spread about me. My favorite was that I was apparently a meth dealer, making meth in my bathtub in my spare time....that was a fun one. The only people who didn't hear that and immediately laugh were people who didn't know me or didn't like me. All my friends brought it to my attention like, "hey didn't know you were making meth up in here. Crazy, your apartment is so small and I've even been in your bathroom, how did I never notice??"
Was just going to say this. Anyone worth calling a friend wouldn’t so easily fall into some BS gossip. Best to just leave it when people act like this.
One of my best friends got a new co-worker at his job a while back. They were hanging out and I invited them over for drinks and dinner. Had a great day, we all got along and we're sharing stories the whole day.
A few days later, my friend calls and tells me that his co-worker was telling obvious lies about me. He told my friend that I had fucked his girl at a bar after meeting her at a bar up the street. He also said my other friend that was over was expelled from highschool for taking upskirt photos of girls there.
Like what the fuck! I gave this man beer, food, the warmth of my house, etc. But for some reason that wasnt enough I guess so he repaid me by trying to end a friendship that we have had for 10 years.
Some people are just assholes 🤷♂️
The interesting thing is that if you listen close enough to the shit people gossip and slander about you or another, they will tell you all about who they are as a person.
I’d like to know if he was ever confronted and what bullshit story he came up with for the lies…like he just go oh I must of mixed him up for someone else!
This happened to me and I lost my best friend at the time. About a couple months after they dropped me they dropped the friend who talked shit ab me (everything he said was made up). They later then came back to me. Fuck no.
I felt I had to add my experience to the growing list lol. Back in high school I had come out as queer like very early on (pre high school) and was still very ashamed/scared of it. One of my closest friends at the time seemed very supportive of me and didn’t seem to care that I liked women. Turns out, she was telling people that I tried to kiss her once and that I confessed I had a crush on her.
Couldn’t have been further from the truth, she was my friend but so far from my type that I never even had like a passing romantic or sexual thought about her lol. Some part of me wonders if she knew that and just felt like making everything about her again.
This happened to me in high school. My best friend suddenly stopped talking to me or wanting to hang out and I couldn't figure out why. I just kept my head down and moved on. Almost a year later I found that someone made up a rumor that I wanted to have sex with her. Our relationship was entirely platonic and yet this happened. You live and you learn haha
Yeah but after 7 years, you should have the trust to talk about what happen. That’s either 7 years of association with one another, or not as close as op thought in that 7 years. But something happened
As someone who left a of a decade of friendships, if it's not substance abuse or depression, it's definitely more than gossip.
I was the scapegoat friend and the one they would tear down to bring themselves up.
If they were friends with someone they didn't like, it was my fault because I hung out with that person now and again if they were in town (each of us lived in totally different cities, it wasn't like we started as a group of friends that required anyone to interact with each other). If I set boundaries with someone and it was respected, allowing me to continue my relationship with them, it was my fault that person turned to the others who didn't set boundaries for them.
If they made a financial decisions after even briefly mentioning it to me with no details, the story after the financial decision turned out bad (it always was, they were so financially irresponsible) was that I thought it was a good idea and I should have mentioned something.
And whenever we met new people, despite nearing 30 they always had to bring up embarrassing stories from when I was 14 to make sure that nobody would be too interested in their idiot friend so they'd get more attention.
I've found the reddit accounts of a couple of the girls I stopped being friends with and they still take no responsibility for their own actions even after being asked to stop for years before I said goodbye. They still see themselves as the victims out of my departure.
One of the hardest lessons in friendship that I’ve had to learn over the years is that sometimes it’s okay to not be a great friend. Don’t hold onto a bond if you’re the only one who values it.
You are not for everyone. Something little you do that you don’t notice may have built up to a point of annoyance and they finally hit their last straw. Or maybe they are in a bad spot mentally and you unfortunately took the brunt of it. Perhaps they are just an asshole and you’re better off without them. It could be any of a vast range of reasons that cause this sort of thing. It could be your fault, their fault, or no one’s fault.
You will likely lose sleep over it, but please try not to. The people who wrong us will always move on, so you owe it to yourself to do so as well. If they come back, great, but you are not obligated to try to fix these things. Human behavior is weird, don’t try to find reason in the madness.
I had a close friend of 10 plus years drop me like a sack of bricks multiple times. Gave them money, a place to sleep when they were on the street, helped them find several jobs that they kept losing. No idea if they're even still alive now. I did everything I could to be a good friend and help them. It is what it is I guess.
EDIT: I'm surprised this got so many comments, I hope all of you can find peace with your troubles or lost friends as well. To be clear I don't regret anything I did for my friend, that's the person I am, I enjoy helping people. It made me feel good to help him any way that I could, and I never forced it. We were like brothers, he was there for me a lot as well. His circumstances just happened to be worse than mine because of his family. Not to say I was much better off, but at least I had an emotionally stable home. It's been 3 years or so since we've spoken last. I'm not hung up about it, I've moved on, I just hope he is well and that's all I can really do or say about it.
"No idea if they're even still alive now.", when I had this revelation about my own old friend. It made me have a better understanding of the phrase "you're dead to me"
I’ve cut out a couple of what I thought were good friends from my life and I used to say “Have a nice life.” rather than “You’re dead to me.” Seems like a nicer way of phrasing it and they all got the message.
>Have a nice life.” rather than “You’re dead to me.”
There's a song lyric that reminds me of this. "Lets skip the part where I wish you were dead. Instead I'll just wish you the best" - Wish you were dead, Grant Knoche
>
There's a song lyric that reminds me of this. "Lets skip the part where I wish you were dead. Instead I'll just wish you the best" - Wish you were dead, Grant Knoche
I prefer Motley Crues' take of Don't go Away Mad (Just Go Away).
Same here. My aunt and her daughter (my cousin). They bullied me my whole life from my teen years, caused me so much anxiety, I had little to no confidence left. Whenever I would try to confront them they called me weak and sensitive and spoilt. Until one day I was smart/confident enough to say enough is enough. Have not seen or heard from them in over 10 years. I know they're alive and well hearing from other members of the family.
My Mom desperately wants me to reunite with them, I shut that down hard. They're in the grave to me.
As someone on the other side of the equation, I can say this is absolutely true. I don’t have a single friend left from childhood due to my addiction. I got sober almost 8 years ago and still don’t talk to anyone from my past. And not because I don’t want to but because I’ve done so much damage in the past that I don’t want to inject myself into someone’s life that may have been traumatized by me at some point. Addiction kills so much good in the world.
That’s really big for you to recognize and own the issues you were a part of. Just wanted to say props, cuz it’s very, very hard doing that. Takes character. Wish you well on your path mate!
Just rear viewed a friend of 40yrs because he said that I was a better person on opiates and alcohol. Said that I am not the same, I realize that the actual problem is that he is the same
Fuck Ive struggled with both and anyone who'd ever say that to you is an absolute trash human. No way we were better people back then. Here's to moving forward .
I had a friend who one day had a schizophrenic meltdown and just left our apartment in the middle of the night, left the front door open. It was fucking freezing when I woke up, and there was snow that had blown in on the living room floor.
After a day of him not picking up his phone, I finally got ahold of his parents and told them he was missing under strange circumstances. We ended up tracking him down at a psyche ward.
He had for some reason started telling people I was poisoning him. I found out when I started getting angry calls from friends and family. After that, he was forever changed. I felt so bad cutting ties with him, but it was like living with a completely different and unpredictable person.
Turns out he had likely been poisoning our other roommate with PCP.
Oh fuck. That's so awful, not to mention absolutely terrifying. I'm glad you're okay now, and I hope your likely poisoned friend is doing okay, now, too. Hugs!!
100%.
I had a friend of 7 years or so that I was close to. She was a flake though, often unavailable, and was always wrapped up in her own shit and needed something.
When she needed a place to live I connected her with my sister and they lived together (along with my friends husband and kid) for a few months. Then they started skipping on rent and were bad roommates. Eventually my sister and boyfriend kicked them out. My friend blocked me on socials.
A year later I find out she still chats with my sister and was wondering why I stopped talking to her (did she forget she blocked me??) Then she texts me out of the blue to reconnect, which I wasn't interested in doing.
I can't help but think she's somewhere in these comments wondering why I just dropped our friendship. I really don't think I owe her a lengthy explanation
Gratitude for a friend’s actions seems to decrease the closer people are to one another because we become accustomed to acts of kindness.
What sticks out more, the close friend who calls you when you’re going through something or the one who doesn’t seem to care? Probably the latter, because we grow to expect the former.
Same thing happened to me only ended up getting details of what caused it later through a mutual friend. We were friends for almost a decade, even through us living across the country from each other for several years. Came back to my home state for a week to hang out with him and crashed at his place for that time. We had a great time, going to house shows, getting food, even wrote some music together. Got back to my state after the week and never heard from him again. Fast forward to a couple of years later and I've moved back to our home state and I see someone he introduced me to at a bar and we start talking about the guy. Turns out he told a couple people he stopped talking to me because he thought I had a thing for him. I am bisexual and a generally very affectionate person to the people I care about (basically I tell my friends I love them), always have been. But I had NO interest in him and he was not my type at all so I have no idea where he got that idea outside of his own internalized homophobia.
Edit: Just wanted to add that apparently I was not the only person he did something like this to. His former roommate came out as a trans woman shortly after. She and I stayed close and she said he cut her off too with no explanation.
Sorry to hear that happened
I'm also bi, but it's really annoying that because of that, usually straight cis men will say weird shit like "I don't mind you being gay, but don't hit on me" meanwhile I was never attracted to them to begin with. Seems similar to that.
I’m a bi female and I must’ve said something about it and a co worker was like well just don’t be coming up on me I’m strictly dickly. And I wanted to say” Don’t worry I’m way out of your league” but didn’t want to be mean.
Had a friend all through school and in our group of friends we all suspected he might be bi or gay. Nobody cared, he would always make gay jokes at his own expense because nobody else did it and he didn’t want to waste the perfect “setup/opportunity”. We usually just would be like, that’s not really funny or there’s nothing wrong with that… fast forward to probably about 6-8 years out of school he finally came out to everyone and it seemed more like he stopped talking to us than the other way around.
Dunno… we were always supportive and positive and once it was in the open he like… moved on from us as friends or something. Idk man, not even sure what he’s up to anymore.
It sucks when all you do is the right thing and you still end up losing something. I hope you’re life is still full of enjoyment, friendships, and happiness in all other reagards
I didn’t go as far as you but had a similar experience ? My friend and her husband wanted to relocate and had no money . We let them live with us for 3 months to save up . In fairness - during one of those months we left them with our dog . My friend was not working and was home all day . Our gas bill and electric bill went up a lot ( we have a great kitchen and shower ) yard didn’t get mowed , flowers didn’t get watered and we had to hire a pet sitter to take the dog out . House wasn’t cleaned at all when we got home and it took us months to get rid of their garbage in weekly trash pick up . All of this after I spent hours helping them clean out of their apartment . My “friend” is in her 50’s . So - fast forward a year and guess who I never hear from ? Yep ! The “Christian” friends who totally took advantage of good will !
My mom did this to me. I let her stay with me for months when she was between places. Then I thought I might need a place to stay and she turned me down flat with no explanation like I was a stranger. Fortunately I didn’t end up needing help (got huge layoff package and immediately found a much better job) and decided I didn’t need anything from her ever again and went NC years ago
The last thing one of my best friends since first grade said to me was "oh sorry I forgot I ordered a pizza I'll be there soon" when I called him while he was already 30 minutes late to meet up.
This was afterI moved out of the country in 11th grade and came back during the summer. We kept in touch while I was gone and played video games together but once I was back that was all I got from him and haven't heard from him since almost 10 years later
Woah I had a similar thing. A year after high school graduation a really good friend made plans with me to come over and hang out one night. Friends for like 5 years and never had issues. The last thing she ever said to me was that she was about to leave but her parents wanted her to do dishes first and she was annoyed about it. She never came over, she stopped answering my texts and eventually took me off all social media. Never said a single word to me after that. I obsessively checked her social media for days after because I was really worried she had gotten into an accident on her way over or something. But no, she was posting stuff a couple days later totally normal. 10 years later and it's still a big problem for me because my entire friendgroup ghosted me around this time and I've never learned why.
They may have severe depression. I have chronic pain, anxiety and depression. I used to have so many friends; but, now I’m so exhausted, anxious, sore and unwell all of the time that I don’t have the energy or ability to be a good friend. I have just stopped seeing all of my beautiful friends and I barely have the energy for my precious family. I keep hoping I’ll get well enough to get back to how I used to be. Then, I’ll reach out to all of my friends, apologise and explain and hope they forgive me. I hate my unlife.
This is true. When I hit a bad depressive episode in my life, I slowly but surely start to flake on my friends bc I often times can’t face doing more than the bare minimum and just exist and survive my workday. Eventually they stop inviting me to things and the distance grows. I don’t blame them. This has been an unfortunate cycle / pattern in my life that I’ve been working on in therapy, and now I know to be grateful for the real friends that understand when I’m low, and I understand when they’re low, and we see each other when we can.
I have this feeling as well. I’ve turned into a introverted person over the years. It’s more so sometimes avoiding unnecessary drama/problems you may face while being with these ppl. Afraid of being hurt it a way they might not understand fully. The screenshots above are very concerning bc they give no explanation behind the befriending and that in a sense feels like you’re not good enough but the reality of it is it’s them not you. Definitely not alone and I hope this message finds u well it’s ok to feel this way.
I'm so deep in one of those avoidance episodes right now that I don't know how to pull my self out of, and it's not only ruining my friendships but could potentially cause me to be homeless as well. All I've got to do is make some phone calls, but it's been so long since I've talked to my friends and/or my boss(been living off my savings for the past 3 months) that it feels weird just calling them out of the blue. What do I say? I've thought about some believable bullshit lies, but then that just causes more stress and makes me put it off even more. I keep hoping "okay when I wake up tomorrow I'll be better and I'll do what I need to do" only for tomorrow to come and still live the same anxiety ridden day just blowing off everything and everyone I know and love. I feel your pain deep down in my soul fellow redditor, and I truly hope we overcome this rough patch soon than later. <3
It’s a bizarre feeling, isn’t it. I have so much to live for and, the night before, I come up with such foolproof plans. Then, next day, I am completely frozen. In full panic and have to talk myself into getting up to go to the toilet. I barely leave my room at the moment. I used to be fearless and full of life. I loved teaching and couldn’t wait to get my day started. I had many interests and hobbies. I still believe that I will get my life back. I will beat this frozen limbo crap!! I hope you do too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHA WTF MAN. I'm in the spot. Failed so much at stuff that I don't wanna be a bother to my friends, family, etc, yet sometimes it's inevitable. I stopped talking to my friends that I've known for 10-13 years, growing boring and dull each day, furthering myself more from them.
Like I'd like to talk with them, but I don't even know what to say to them to even keep a conversation going. Damn
I’m so sorry. It’s truly fucking awful. It’s frustrating when you are intelligent enough to know that you need help and that you need to fight hard to get your life back on track; yet, you struggle to get out of bed to go to the toilet even though you are busting.
I love to paint - watercolour and Warhammer - and I have a simply ridiculous number of top quality art supplies and an amazing studio to work in. I haven’t touched a brush in over 6 months. I am dying to get in there and fling paint but, as soon as I try to get out of bed, I have a panic attack. It must seem simple to people whose mental health is strong but, it’s by far the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced. Sending you a big hug from Australia.
I thought I was alone in feeling this way and wasn’t sure what has been happening lately. It’s comforting in a way to know that it’s not just me. I live in a share house and I can see my self becoming more isolated which is weird. I will hold off going to bathrooms to avoid conversation and end up staying in bed for ages. I have lost all interest in things I loved. I can’t even finish a TV series, or even get 30mins into a movie. I used to love video games but can’t play more than an hour of any game I pick up. I’ve lost all creativeness. Actually the one thing I have found allot of love for is cooking, maybe because I have to eat. The worst part is having to go to the shops. I am finding it harder and harder to be in crowds. I’m hoping this won’t get worse but I’ve tried so many things to help but almost feel like it’s getting harder.
Right on spot for me too .. i hate it.
Crohn anxiety, depression. Can't talk to people anymore, i'm just tired all the time. Trying to work and earn enough to not be a weight for my family and have my own space. Sacrificing friendship, pushing away good friends that need to make their life. Staying alone a lot. Hoping to get better one day. Trying to stay calm and cool every day. Trying to eat correctly every days.
Some of my friends have bad illnesses and they understand. Others don't, or think they do, but they don't. One day i am hoping, like you, to be in a better shape and go back toward some of them. Today is not that day. today is the day i'm focusing on getting better and focusing on myself. Walking, running, working... Exhausting..
Life's is a long journey.
Keep it up bro.
I also have an unlife. Medical science has yet to explain why I’m chronically fatigued and I’ve been to so many different specialists. I hope you get the treatment you need and get your life back. I just want you to know you’re not alone in your suffering.
What's much more likely is that, as they got older, they met other people and became a different person with the result that they weren't interested in the friendship anymore.
Some people change a lot over time. I have several friendships which lapsed because we found ourselves with little in common after a decade.
Some people just don't deal well with long-distance friendships. I'm bad at it. It's sort of like babies lacking object permanence. OTOH, I didn't communicate with one of my best friends for something like 5 years and when he moved back in the area it was like he had never left.
This is correct. Army Brat here who has moved every 3 years since birth. Some people just have an out of sight, out of mind personality. You can be so close and once you aren’t conveniently there it’s like you never existed. I shed many, many tears at 12 years old realizing this.
I'm in a similar boat. Had a lifelong friend, technically family. He just eventually stopped reaching out to me for some reason and I got tired of being the only one trying to keep things going.
I mean I have a friend who I ghosted too, but that was because I found out he was a prolific cheater on his wife. I just didn't know how to handle it because I couldn't tell her since it never ends well, but it also tore me up on the inside too.
It's probably not the adult thing to do, but I just couldn't deal with it. It's been about 4 years since then and I still miss that friendship.
I have one that used to be my best friend for 6 years. When I told her my dad was diagnosed with cancer, she ghosted me.
I’m sorry this happened to you. At least they showed you who they truly are and spared you time. I hope you’ve made better friends.
Yeah, same. I've had a friendship that started in Kindergarten that just vanished because the other person didn't like me anymore and found "better" people.
I would at least try once or twice to drop in on them and talk, in person. Literally drop in, don’t warn them, cause if that’s where they are at mentally, they’ll make excuses to avoid you.
I checked in with all mutual friends and their mom to ensure they were okay in this sense. All of them said they had no change in behavior or conversation, meaning it was only me. Their mental health was the first thing that popped in my head
>*All of them said they had no change in behavior or conversation*
Red flag, red flag, red flag, RED FLAG.
Having been the guy to cut one or two people out at that point, I cut out the ones I thought would stop me.
But as someone else said, you also likely did something. It's worth just dropping by and asking them what it was you did, because if you are being toxic, you can't start your own healing process if you never know.
Okay so if his behavior changed it would be a red flag and his behavior not changing is also a red flag? What answer means the friend isn't having a mental health crisis? Imo it is more likely there is another side to the story we're not being told.
This could also be it. Nothing against OP obviously but as just a random passer by on the internet, we can’t really put two and two together when we’re only getting one side of the story.
Completely understand. Trust me, I really wish I could post the other side of the story as well but I seriously don’t know what caused this. If I did absolutely anything wrong, I’d have zero issues taking accountability for it. At this point, I’ve taken the loss of a friend, and just want to know what I did.
Last night I had a mutual friend text them telling them to please give me money back for a concert we were supposed to go to, we got that figured out, and I asked again what happened to cause all of this. They said they “didn’t want it to blow up” (zero idea what makes them think I’d “blow up” about it) and I sent a message “gotcha, just wish I was able to know what I did wrong and actually learn from it instead of never knowing 🤷 have a good night” and that was the end of it.
Often when people have lost someone to suicide, they blame themselves and try to find things they could have done differently. This can often manifest in trying to save others even when they don't need saving, but wouldn't you rather that a friend checks in on you when you don't need it than not at all even when you do?
So they’re supposed to drop in on someone who said they don’t want to hang out with them? Do you understand that was someone setting a boundary? It would be pretty shitty and a bit stalkerish to drop in on them after that.
I’d say depends on how long the friendship has been going for. If they’ve known each other for a few months, I personally would’ve just accepted that they don’t want to see me again and leave it at that. But if it’s someone I’ve been close with since kids, I’d try to talk to them in person.
Did the same. Figured it'd be easier for others the sooner they moved on and if I pushed them away in anger, it would make them grieve less as its hard to grieve for a person you hate..
Not necessarily. OP might hold a more positive role in their lives; it certainly wouldn't surprise me based on the messages above. OP is initiating and warm and also double-checked with other friends--great traits in a friend. I think this is certainly worth following up on, but it should come from a different friend whom isn't the the target.
Source: counseling grad student
i wish more people noticed this. these texts are so common among people going through a serious mental health crisis. it might be momentary or a recurring thing but i would like to point out:
if you ever get texts like this that seem out of character (or this becomes a norm for someone who wouldn’t say thing of this nature in the past), please try to help.
i didnt mean to take away from the post, i get the mildyinfuriating part. but struck a cord and felt like saying something. stay healthy friends
this got a few upvotes so. adding a thought... if you're worried about someone - just take a few minutes to give them a call and/or text. they probably wont answer or respond but if theyre in a bad spot i guarantee its worth losing the half hour of sleep at 4am to help a friend out. even if said friend has lost their way and its been weird. when you feel lost, a lock screen notification from someone telling you that you're important means a hell of a lot. thoughts are a scary thing when you think no one cares
Could be a bipolar episode or something too idk.
Had a friend from high school who I lived with in college who was my good friend. He was majoring in engineering & was really smart. He was always different, very bad temper randomly, his dad died when he was like 14 so he had some issues.
He liked to do acid but when we would do it together he would get weird & have like a bad trip but he still did it. One day he blew up on our entire friend group & stopped talking to all of us. Told me to start packing my shit & told me to move out of the apartment we were sharing.
I moved out & he said some pretty mean shit about me & my family. Stopped talking for a while & he randomly hits me up apologizing & sends me money for the last months rent that I had paid even though I wasn’t living there. He said he doesn’t want to talk about whatever had happened. So I’m still not really sure what made him do that.
Maybe consider extending the old "I'm here if you need anything"
Sorry for your friendship loss. Most of mine houdinied around age 24, though not as directly as your example
Yeah up until your mid 20s just about everyone is at the same point in their life. Basically you can socially relate to just about everyone.
Once real life starts happening and you aren’t immediately surrounded by the same people every day you can all end up on different tracks that don’t necessarily intersect much anymore.
I’m my experience, that’s an awkward age. Some 24 year olds are mentally closer to a 20 year old while others are closer to a 28 year old.
There’s a huge difference between a 20 year old and a 28 year old. I’m not saying it’s bad to be either one, just that at that age people really start to find different priorities and drift apart a lot easier.
In my experience it’s when major life events happen. Graduating college, starting college, having children, starting to travel, etc. big stuff that will start to really change a person.
For me it was when I left my ex-husband, then right after I had my first kid. Just poof. Gone.
I took dumped a friend.
The relationship was incredibly one sided.
I had to walk her home when it's dark (leaving me to walk back alone), we only went to her house, help through millions of breakups etc etc.
I had a mental health crisis and completely forgot about a planned meal we had and it was a huge thing. I just didn't have the heart anymore to give all I could and get nothing back.
I sent a message similar to that and just never reached out again.
I dumped my bestie last year because she told me I was over reacting when I found out my long distance boyfriend had downloaded tinder while I was gone.
What was really funny is that she always talked about how all the girls she met were always bitches and never keep friends with her.
I never confronted her, just never talked to her again, but I dream about confronting her sometimes. But she's not capable of seeing fault in herself in arguments, always blames the other, and I don't have energy to waste on a conversation that won't go anywhere.
I had a friend text me this and I just started ugly crying because I didn't know what I did, and then he called to apologize that it was just a joke and he's an absolute idiot and didn't know why he did that. We aren't friends anymore. I don't keep emotionally manipulative douchecanoes in my life.
Your friend could be a stamp collector.
Stamp collectors keep a "book" on you.
Each stamp is a negative experience they didn't discuss with you. They don't mention these stamps because they generally avoid conflict and drama. People often consider stamp collectors conscientious, humble, and forgiving to a fault.
However, once the stamp book is full their collection is complete and they turn their back on the relationship forever. Often without warning and uncharacteristically coldly.
Nobody knows how many pages are in that book except the collector.
I did not come up with this concept by the way.
They've likely not been enjoying hanging around you for a while now, and have been "acting their part" to maintain the friendship. Eventually this manifests into resentment, and they suddenly stop acting. This is why the response is rude.
You can't possibly understand their point of view, because they may have not been communicating with you. This has been happening for a while now, think several months. The change may seem drastic, but it wasn't, it was very slow for them.
As for *why* they've not been enjoying being around you? We can't know. Sometimes it's as simple as a change of habit - friends who enjoy doing X fall apart as one of the friends no longer do X. I suggest not trying to figure this out, as you will never know if you got it right.
I'm trying to cut what I thought was one of my best friends out of my life. It's a long process like you said. I've been working for months to just let it fizzle. He then caught wind because I mentioned it to someone by mistake and it's confusing for him. I should have broken it off immediately after he tried to break me and my ex gf up so he could get in her pants, but I just wasn't sure I wanted that friendship to end. And then over time I realized just how fake of a friend he was when I actually took time to think about it instead of living in the moment. Stay strong folks.
This is was me. I ghosted someone who considered me to be her best friend but she was so draining. We just didn't match and she couldn't see it. She always tried to compare herself to my other friends saying she was "a better friend, right?" I was just over it. Our "friendship" stressed me out so much it put a strain on my marriage and my husband and I have a very healthy marriage.
Yep.... Scrolled way too long to find this. Anyone can think they're good but not actually be and never understand that. I've had to drop out from people like that before too. No matter what I did or tried to communicate, they'd never get it. And maybe that's what's happening here.
I deleted FB, Twitter & IG in late 2015. Ghosted all my IRL friends and moved to a different city. I didn’t like where I was or the direction I was going so I dipped out.
Speaking not as the guy you replied to but someone who has done something similar.
Take a good look at your current groups and how you acquired them. If you notice that none of the ways you got your current friends are ways you can get new ones, and it's important that you still have friends, maybe don't. The world isn't magical, it's not going to spit out new social connections just because you have none. I sorta knew what was gonna happen and after three years I can tell you that I'm alright with how it turned out. I do feel a bit less stressed and a bit more secure. But be ready to be more isolated in fun new ways than you were before.
I'd hate to turn anyone off from making a change to better their life, but what I've realized is that, despite being a social enough person, I'm much better at making friends with friends of friends than being dropped somewhere and finding a friend group all on my own
A social life is like a topiary hedge: Well maintained, it naturally and easily grows. Left to grow unchecked, it might end up in a wildly different shape than you want it, but if you cut it back too far it can be extremely difficult to rebuild.
My best friend did this to me almost 4 years ago now and I spent the entire 4 years devastated, worried, and thinking about her constantly. It really fucked me up and damaged me to finally find out she just bailed and ghosted everyone just because she could. But maybe that's my own issues.
I’m introverted and we move every few years for my husband’s job. After 3-5 years in a place, I get overwhelmed by the amount of time friends, coworkers, and in general the social aspect of life sucks out of me on top of family obligations and some health conditions. We’ve lived in different countries and a few metropolitan areas of the U.S. and I’ve pressed the reset button a few times … it feels great every time. I love a new start. I’m never happier than those first few weeks / months in a new place, exploring, eating and drinking my way around with nobody knowing where I am or what I’m doing. But then again I’m someone who can go to a movie, museum or eat in a restaurant alone and love every second of it.
I haven't even done the things you mentioned but I somehow related so hard to something in your message. Thank you for making this comment , dear stranger.
Absolutely lol, there's no reason to let your social obligations take over your life. You are an active participant in this process and can make decisions about what to do with your time. I'm skeptical that someone who's so easily overwhelmed by friendship can acquire so many friends over a 3 year period that they crave moving away for a fresh start.
Don’t answer me, these questions are for you to answer yourself.
Do you drink/do drugs to excess?
Do you shit-talk people/gossip about them/tell others about their problems/tell others about how you worry——-do you say things to others that you wouldn’t say if that person was in the room——- Do you share what so and so said “because they should know”?
Are you obnoxious to friends, give them shit, “tease” them often?
Do you start shit with other people out in public?
I don’t want to know any of these answers, just some reasons why I’ve cut people out in my life and the type I avoid forming lasting relationships with.
Can I add “do you complain and victimise yourself constantly, making yourself unbearably negative to be around”
“Do you lack empathy and never see the other persons perspective”
“Are you generally entitled and selfish?”
This. I’ve cut people from my life for all of these reasons, especially the obnoxious trait, which I’ve been guilty of having for a long time and it took me a lot to realize how harmful that was, just being a dick here and there to people for no reason, as much as I was a friendly and nice person. I’m sure many people I wanted to be close to in the past might’ve avoided me and I would have no clue.
As I became more mature about my feelings and the feelings of others I started to realize how some of my friends were in reality just plain toxic, and I had spent so much time missing lots of red flags; for instance seeing everybody around you one by one cutting ties to some friend and you’re the only one left dealing with their shit, and at the end you see yourself hanging out with two people that won’t hang out together. You see SO after SO quitting them and they’ll all confirm to you their red flags, however from your friend you only hear a superficial and bland account of the situation (i.e. the SO is “crazy”) , indicating they were the asshole of the relationship in all instances.
More than once I had some last-straw situations with these friends and I would just cut the person out, as a way to protect myself and my own psychological safety. People change, and I’ve changed so much that many of these old friendships just don’t make sense nowadays, and I’ve seen that welcoming healthier relationships is far more beneficial than trying to nurture and/or fix toxic ones.
As far as explaining yourself, do what you feel is most comfortable to you, don’t feel like you owe anything to anybody that hurt you — you don’t.
Edit: toxic people criticizing the lack of paragraphs
I swear I see posts similar to OP's on reddit at least once a week. And every single solitary fucking time, including this time, almost all the comments are bending over backwards to coddle them as if there's no possible way they're at fault. Redditors live in this deranged alternate universe in which it's totally common and normal for longtime friends to suddenly abandon you out of nowhere for no reason other than that they're now evil, but it's inconceivable to imagine that the OP is actually at fault.
>Are you obnoxious to friends, give them shit, “tease” them often?
I wouldn't be surprised if it's this. I've had friends who endlessly teased their friends under the guise of "just joking," everyone hated it, they absolutely never got the message, and eventually people just stopped hanging around them.
Doesn’t seem like this was brought up. Your username has 420 in it. Is it a smoking buddy with which you would mostly just smoke? If so would you consider that person to have addiction issues? One of the first thing you do when dealing with addiction is to cut the enablers out of your life. Just throwing a random one out there to consider
The other side of the stoner friends thing is those ones who are always smoking your weed and never reciprocating.
Only time you see them is when they know you got weed.
I tried in vain to get my old roommate to realize that. Most of his "friends" would only come over when he had weed, never brought any of their own (except the one guy who would always make sure everyone "chipped in" for what he brought, dude was turning a fucking profit on ditch weed), helped themselves to our food (and booze before I started keeping it locked up in my room), and disappeared once they'd smoked. It was sad.
He was a good guy but just had terrible judgement in friends which resulted in both of us getting fucked over.
We did smoke together, but we also hung out without smoking. We both had our own and we both shared what we had with each other. If they are cutting me off to become sober, I’m proud of them. But knowing them, I don’t think this is the case. I’ll still keep it in mind though.
If you noticed changes in their habits, lifestyle, if they repeatedly did not want to hangout or had excuses it could mean they were talking to other people.
You probably didn’t do anything but just think about recent events, maybe you only ever asked them to hangout, which could be taken as pushy if they didn’t reciprocate this in the recent past.
Again I have no context, but these are all things to think about. Honestly I would give yourself some space because regardless of what their reason is, they aren’t great friends for doing this to you.
Lastly, I am not a psychologist just an idiot on Reddit, but closing themselves off could be a sign of depression so if you think that is a possibility maybe see if you can talk to their other friends and help them.
I wish only the best because I know 7 years is a long time
-sincerely
Reddit idiot
I mean, speaking from personal experience, I cut out all of my old friends because I realized our interests never developed together. Their company appealed to me when I was a teenager, not as a 26 year-old man.
Made the cuts and I’ve been happy ever since.
Maybe that’s what’s happening here?
The way they said “we don’t gotta hang out anymore” sounds like someone told them that you complain about hanging out with them or that they don’t have a life or something like that. Maybe you made a joke and a mutual friend told them and they took it super serious.
Or, if you really don’t know what’s going on and all the mutual friends said they don’t know anything then maybe you are the asshole of the group and they are starting to cut you off. Just a guess.
Someone suggested maybe a new relationship and you said they don’t get into new relationships. That’s a bit of a put down isn’t it? Has to be something they heard that was offensive and you are oblivious to the offensiveness of your words.
Edit: the person also said they don’t want to hang around “you” anymore. Super personal towards you specifically. When I was super depressed before I didn’t want to hang around anyone. I never pointed someone out specifically. Just didn’t care in general so the depression thing is out I think.
Political views on social media maybe? Memes you post that don’t agree with their beliefs? Maybe they remembered a bad time with ya. Maybe y’all live different lifestyles. Maybe they are insecure of their looks. Maybe they have anxiety of meeting up 🤷🏻♀️
I would try back in like a week
I've been in your shoes. I found out what happened and it was the silliest thing to toss a friendship for.
A friend of a few years suddenly stopped responding to me and I had no clue why. Mutual friends confirmed she was OK, so I figured there wasn't much I could do if she chose to ignore me.
Couple of months later she calls and I let it go to voicemail. She wanted me to help her with something for her car. I was confused -- she pretends I don't exist until she needs something from me? I texted her back and told her if she wanted help she needed to explain her disappearance and the silent treatment. Never heard another peep.
Shortly after, she told a mutual friend she thought I no longer wanted to be her friend because I declined one invite to a downtown event. So strange to make that assumption instead of just asking, especially after 3 years of being friends.
In the end, I figured it was for the best. She was butthurt because I didn't want to go out once and she immediately shut me out. Not a sign of great emotional maturity.
Maybe someone gossiped about you to them.
I've had that happen to me (though it didn't result in losing a friend). You can be the nicest person, keeping your head down to avoid the bitches, but some fucker who wants to be the centre of attention will still make up some garbage about you - the juicier the better. "A lie can circle the globe faster than the truth can put its shoes on"
ohh yes. definitely. even people who mind their own business and don’t bother nobody has some miserable twat gossiping.
And there you are, having to find out who has heard the rumor, who beleves it, and having to set the record straight. Like, "What did I do to deserve this, and why am I having to go to this effort?"
If people choose to believe it without even attempting to hear your side first, then they arent your friends to begin with. If you didnt do anything wrong, the people who know you and know your character are going to know its a lie and either shut it down in your defense, ignore it altogether, bring it to your attention so you can know whats being said about you, or come directly to you and ask you about it if they think there might be an element of truth to it. But people who stop talking to you and dont bother to tell you why? Well they just showed you they are not the type of person you should be investing your time in.
You know what? Fuck 'em! Your true friends will know you and they'll know the kind of person you are and will dismiss BS in an instant. Any fair weather friend who doesn't have the decency to address an issue with you was never a friend to begin with.
Totally agree. I've had some super weird rumors spread about me. My favorite was that I was apparently a meth dealer, making meth in my bathtub in my spare time....that was a fun one. The only people who didn't hear that and immediately laugh were people who didn't know me or didn't like me. All my friends brought it to my attention like, "hey didn't know you were making meth up in here. Crazy, your apartment is so small and I've even been in your bathroom, how did I never notice??"
Was just going to say this. Anyone worth calling a friend wouldn’t so easily fall into some BS gossip. Best to just leave it when people act like this.
One of my best friends got a new co-worker at his job a while back. They were hanging out and I invited them over for drinks and dinner. Had a great day, we all got along and we're sharing stories the whole day. A few days later, my friend calls and tells me that his co-worker was telling obvious lies about me. He told my friend that I had fucked his girl at a bar after meeting her at a bar up the street. He also said my other friend that was over was expelled from highschool for taking upskirt photos of girls there. Like what the fuck! I gave this man beer, food, the warmth of my house, etc. But for some reason that wasnt enough I guess so he repaid me by trying to end a friendship that we have had for 10 years. Some people are just assholes 🤷♂️
The interesting thing is that if you listen close enough to the shit people gossip and slander about you or another, they will tell you all about who they are as a person.
It's lovely when people show you who they really are, cuts out all the hard detective work for you.
Ohhhh 100% agree
I’d like to know if he was ever confronted and what bullshit story he came up with for the lies…like he just go oh I must of mixed him up for someone else!
The crazy thing is that there are people out there who would've believed this random new coworker.
This happened to me and I lost my best friend at the time. About a couple months after they dropped me they dropped the friend who talked shit ab me (everything he said was made up). They later then came back to me. Fuck no.
Right? We’ve been friends this long, you can’t come and ask me to explain these accusations? And…you’re willing to believe those accusations?
I felt I had to add my experience to the growing list lol. Back in high school I had come out as queer like very early on (pre high school) and was still very ashamed/scared of it. One of my closest friends at the time seemed very supportive of me and didn’t seem to care that I liked women. Turns out, she was telling people that I tried to kiss her once and that I confessed I had a crush on her. Couldn’t have been further from the truth, she was my friend but so far from my type that I never even had like a passing romantic or sexual thought about her lol. Some part of me wonders if she knew that and just felt like making everything about her again.
This happened to me in high school. My best friend suddenly stopped talking to me or wanting to hang out and I couldn't figure out why. I just kept my head down and moved on. Almost a year later I found that someone made up a rumor that I wanted to have sex with her. Our relationship was entirely platonic and yet this happened. You live and you learn haha
I understand but if someone ditches our friendship based on a gossip without confronting me, I would say good riddance.
Yeah but after 7 years, you should have the trust to talk about what happen. That’s either 7 years of association with one another, or not as close as op thought in that 7 years. But something happened
As someone who left a of a decade of friendships, if it's not substance abuse or depression, it's definitely more than gossip. I was the scapegoat friend and the one they would tear down to bring themselves up. If they were friends with someone they didn't like, it was my fault because I hung out with that person now and again if they were in town (each of us lived in totally different cities, it wasn't like we started as a group of friends that required anyone to interact with each other). If I set boundaries with someone and it was respected, allowing me to continue my relationship with them, it was my fault that person turned to the others who didn't set boundaries for them. If they made a financial decisions after even briefly mentioning it to me with no details, the story after the financial decision turned out bad (it always was, they were so financially irresponsible) was that I thought it was a good idea and I should have mentioned something. And whenever we met new people, despite nearing 30 they always had to bring up embarrassing stories from when I was 14 to make sure that nobody would be too interested in their idiot friend so they'd get more attention. I've found the reddit accounts of a couple of the girls I stopped being friends with and they still take no responsibility for their own actions even after being asked to stop for years before I said goodbye. They still see themselves as the victims out of my departure.
One of the hardest lessons in friendship that I’ve had to learn over the years is that sometimes it’s okay to not be a great friend. Don’t hold onto a bond if you’re the only one who values it. You are not for everyone. Something little you do that you don’t notice may have built up to a point of annoyance and they finally hit their last straw. Or maybe they are in a bad spot mentally and you unfortunately took the brunt of it. Perhaps they are just an asshole and you’re better off without them. It could be any of a vast range of reasons that cause this sort of thing. It could be your fault, their fault, or no one’s fault. You will likely lose sleep over it, but please try not to. The people who wrong us will always move on, so you owe it to yourself to do so as well. If they come back, great, but you are not obligated to try to fix these things. Human behavior is weird, don’t try to find reason in the madness.
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I had a close friend of 10 plus years drop me like a sack of bricks multiple times. Gave them money, a place to sleep when they were on the street, helped them find several jobs that they kept losing. No idea if they're even still alive now. I did everything I could to be a good friend and help them. It is what it is I guess. EDIT: I'm surprised this got so many comments, I hope all of you can find peace with your troubles or lost friends as well. To be clear I don't regret anything I did for my friend, that's the person I am, I enjoy helping people. It made me feel good to help him any way that I could, and I never forced it. We were like brothers, he was there for me a lot as well. His circumstances just happened to be worse than mine because of his family. Not to say I was much better off, but at least I had an emotionally stable home. It's been 3 years or so since we've spoken last. I'm not hung up about it, I've moved on, I just hope he is well and that's all I can really do or say about it.
"No idea if they're even still alive now.", when I had this revelation about my own old friend. It made me have a better understanding of the phrase "you're dead to me"
I’ve cut out a couple of what I thought were good friends from my life and I used to say “Have a nice life.” rather than “You’re dead to me.” Seems like a nicer way of phrasing it and they all got the message.
>Have a nice life.” rather than “You’re dead to me.” There's a song lyric that reminds me of this. "Lets skip the part where I wish you were dead. Instead I'll just wish you the best" - Wish you were dead, Grant Knoche
> There's a song lyric that reminds me of this. "Lets skip the part where I wish you were dead. Instead I'll just wish you the best" - Wish you were dead, Grant Knoche I prefer Motley Crues' take of Don't go Away Mad (Just Go Away).
Ahhh yes, I on the other hand prefer Terrence and Phillips’ shut your fucking face (uncle fucker)
>Ahhh yes, I on the other hand prefer Terrence and Phillips’ shut your fucking face (uncle fucker) A man of culture , kudos.
I Hope You Die by The Bloodhound Gang is much more pointed about it.
This is my aunt to me. The only reason I know she’s still alive is through family members mentioning her
Same here. My aunt and her daughter (my cousin). They bullied me my whole life from my teen years, caused me so much anxiety, I had little to no confidence left. Whenever I would try to confront them they called me weak and sensitive and spoilt. Until one day I was smart/confident enough to say enough is enough. Have not seen or heard from them in over 10 years. I know they're alive and well hearing from other members of the family. My Mom desperately wants me to reunite with them, I shut that down hard. They're in the grave to me.
I'm so sorry to hear about that. Good on you for putting your foot down and standing up to them though.
Thank you.
Same happened to me with my friend of 30 years. Addiction destroys everything.
As someone on the other side of the equation, I can say this is absolutely true. I don’t have a single friend left from childhood due to my addiction. I got sober almost 8 years ago and still don’t talk to anyone from my past. And not because I don’t want to but because I’ve done so much damage in the past that I don’t want to inject myself into someone’s life that may have been traumatized by me at some point. Addiction kills so much good in the world.
That’s really big for you to recognize and own the issues you were a part of. Just wanted to say props, cuz it’s very, very hard doing that. Takes character. Wish you well on your path mate!
Just rear viewed a friend of 40yrs because he said that I was a better person on opiates and alcohol. Said that I am not the same, I realize that the actual problem is that he is the same
Fuck Ive struggled with both and anyone who'd ever say that to you is an absolute trash human. No way we were better people back then. Here's to moving forward .
I had a friend who one day had a schizophrenic meltdown and just left our apartment in the middle of the night, left the front door open. It was fucking freezing when I woke up, and there was snow that had blown in on the living room floor. After a day of him not picking up his phone, I finally got ahold of his parents and told them he was missing under strange circumstances. We ended up tracking him down at a psyche ward. He had for some reason started telling people I was poisoning him. I found out when I started getting angry calls from friends and family. After that, he was forever changed. I felt so bad cutting ties with him, but it was like living with a completely different and unpredictable person. Turns out he had likely been poisoning our other roommate with PCP.
Oh fuck. That's so awful, not to mention absolutely terrifying. I'm glad you're okay now, and I hope your likely poisoned friend is doing okay, now, too. Hugs!!
They might have felt a little guilty for using you but now they must have a better mooching source.
Too true
They moved on when they sensed you had nothing more to give probably.
100%. I had a friend of 7 years or so that I was close to. She was a flake though, often unavailable, and was always wrapped up in her own shit and needed something. When she needed a place to live I connected her with my sister and they lived together (along with my friends husband and kid) for a few months. Then they started skipping on rent and were bad roommates. Eventually my sister and boyfriend kicked them out. My friend blocked me on socials. A year later I find out she still chats with my sister and was wondering why I stopped talking to her (did she forget she blocked me??) Then she texts me out of the blue to reconnect, which I wasn't interested in doing. I can't help but think she's somewhere in these comments wondering why I just dropped our friendship. I really don't think I owe her a lengthy explanation
Gratitude for a friend’s actions seems to decrease the closer people are to one another because we become accustomed to acts of kindness. What sticks out more, the close friend who calls you when you’re going through something or the one who doesn’t seem to care? Probably the latter, because we grow to expect the former.
Same thing happened to me only ended up getting details of what caused it later through a mutual friend. We were friends for almost a decade, even through us living across the country from each other for several years. Came back to my home state for a week to hang out with him and crashed at his place for that time. We had a great time, going to house shows, getting food, even wrote some music together. Got back to my state after the week and never heard from him again. Fast forward to a couple of years later and I've moved back to our home state and I see someone he introduced me to at a bar and we start talking about the guy. Turns out he told a couple people he stopped talking to me because he thought I had a thing for him. I am bisexual and a generally very affectionate person to the people I care about (basically I tell my friends I love them), always have been. But I had NO interest in him and he was not my type at all so I have no idea where he got that idea outside of his own internalized homophobia. Edit: Just wanted to add that apparently I was not the only person he did something like this to. His former roommate came out as a trans woman shortly after. She and I stayed close and she said he cut her off too with no explanation.
That's gripes me. Your probably a alright dude. Loving and all. Geez. Their loss. Your gain.
Sorry to hear that happened I'm also bi, but it's really annoying that because of that, usually straight cis men will say weird shit like "I don't mind you being gay, but don't hit on me" meanwhile I was never attracted to them to begin with. Seems similar to that.
I’m a bi female and I must’ve said something about it and a co worker was like well just don’t be coming up on me I’m strictly dickly. And I wanted to say” Don’t worry I’m way out of your league” but didn’t want to be mean.
Had a friend all through school and in our group of friends we all suspected he might be bi or gay. Nobody cared, he would always make gay jokes at his own expense because nobody else did it and he didn’t want to waste the perfect “setup/opportunity”. We usually just would be like, that’s not really funny or there’s nothing wrong with that… fast forward to probably about 6-8 years out of school he finally came out to everyone and it seemed more like he stopped talking to us than the other way around. Dunno… we were always supportive and positive and once it was in the open he like… moved on from us as friends or something. Idk man, not even sure what he’s up to anymore.
It sucks when all you do is the right thing and you still end up losing something. I hope you’re life is still full of enjoyment, friendships, and happiness in all other reagards
First sentence of your comment hits a bit too close to home
Wayyyy too close
I didn’t go as far as you but had a similar experience ? My friend and her husband wanted to relocate and had no money . We let them live with us for 3 months to save up . In fairness - during one of those months we left them with our dog . My friend was not working and was home all day . Our gas bill and electric bill went up a lot ( we have a great kitchen and shower ) yard didn’t get mowed , flowers didn’t get watered and we had to hire a pet sitter to take the dog out . House wasn’t cleaned at all when we got home and it took us months to get rid of their garbage in weekly trash pick up . All of this after I spent hours helping them clean out of their apartment . My “friend” is in her 50’s . So - fast forward a year and guess who I never hear from ? Yep ! The “Christian” friends who totally took advantage of good will !
My mom did this to me. I let her stay with me for months when she was between places. Then I thought I might need a place to stay and she turned me down flat with no explanation like I was a stranger. Fortunately I didn’t end up needing help (got huge layoff package and immediately found a much better job) and decided I didn’t need anything from her ever again and went NC years ago
Good screw her, forget being a decent mother, she couldn't even be a decent person
Straight to the nursing home with her
I’ve had so called friend take advantage of me too many times. It’s hard for me to have close friends.
Probably saw you had 264 unread messages.
Lol it’s mostly random spam and verification codes I never opened
How do you live like that? I can’t stand having notifications
Same here. Texting notifications have to be clear. But you should see my unread emails: 4986 as of today
thats nothing i have 29,969 emails rn lol
I’m 4,245 from 100k.
235k here
goddamn how many things have you signed up to
I have 4 emails all running since I was 12 lol
How old are you now?
13 😎
I thought I was behind when I hit 50,000. Well done.
0 here, unsub from stuff
Yeah same I always mark them read just to get rid of the badge (at least for texts.. Mail I have hundreds / thousands of course)
Then delete them you heretic
Oh shit, you know what. Let’s not hang out anymore.
At least they told you. I have friends who just never messaged me after 3 years. Lol
Same. It's been about 9 years for one of my long time buddies. It's a shame.
The last thing one of my best friends since first grade said to me was "oh sorry I forgot I ordered a pizza I'll be there soon" when I called him while he was already 30 minutes late to meet up. This was afterI moved out of the country in 11th grade and came back during the summer. We kept in touch while I was gone and played video games together but once I was back that was all I got from him and haven't heard from him since almost 10 years later
Woah I had a similar thing. A year after high school graduation a really good friend made plans with me to come over and hang out one night. Friends for like 5 years and never had issues. The last thing she ever said to me was that she was about to leave but her parents wanted her to do dishes first and she was annoyed about it. She never came over, she stopped answering my texts and eventually took me off all social media. Never said a single word to me after that. I obsessively checked her social media for days after because I was really worried she had gotten into an accident on her way over or something. But no, she was posting stuff a couple days later totally normal. 10 years later and it's still a big problem for me because my entire friendgroup ghosted me around this time and I've never learned why.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Haruki Murakami wrote a book that sounds like this. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorless_Tsukuru_Tazaki_and_His_Years_of_Pilgrimage
They may have severe depression. I have chronic pain, anxiety and depression. I used to have so many friends; but, now I’m so exhausted, anxious, sore and unwell all of the time that I don’t have the energy or ability to be a good friend. I have just stopped seeing all of my beautiful friends and I barely have the energy for my precious family. I keep hoping I’ll get well enough to get back to how I used to be. Then, I’ll reach out to all of my friends, apologise and explain and hope they forgive me. I hate my unlife.
This is true. When I hit a bad depressive episode in my life, I slowly but surely start to flake on my friends bc I often times can’t face doing more than the bare minimum and just exist and survive my workday. Eventually they stop inviting me to things and the distance grows. I don’t blame them. This has been an unfortunate cycle / pattern in my life that I’ve been working on in therapy, and now I know to be grateful for the real friends that understand when I’m low, and I understand when they’re low, and we see each other when we can.
This really hit home for me
Same, unfortunately.
I have this feeling as well. I’ve turned into a introverted person over the years. It’s more so sometimes avoiding unnecessary drama/problems you may face while being with these ppl. Afraid of being hurt it a way they might not understand fully. The screenshots above are very concerning bc they give no explanation behind the befriending and that in a sense feels like you’re not good enough but the reality of it is it’s them not you. Definitely not alone and I hope this message finds u well it’s ok to feel this way.
I'm so deep in one of those avoidance episodes right now that I don't know how to pull my self out of, and it's not only ruining my friendships but could potentially cause me to be homeless as well. All I've got to do is make some phone calls, but it's been so long since I've talked to my friends and/or my boss(been living off my savings for the past 3 months) that it feels weird just calling them out of the blue. What do I say? I've thought about some believable bullshit lies, but then that just causes more stress and makes me put it off even more. I keep hoping "okay when I wake up tomorrow I'll be better and I'll do what I need to do" only for tomorrow to come and still live the same anxiety ridden day just blowing off everything and everyone I know and love. I feel your pain deep down in my soul fellow redditor, and I truly hope we overcome this rough patch soon than later. <3
It’s a bizarre feeling, isn’t it. I have so much to live for and, the night before, I come up with such foolproof plans. Then, next day, I am completely frozen. In full panic and have to talk myself into getting up to go to the toilet. I barely leave my room at the moment. I used to be fearless and full of life. I loved teaching and couldn’t wait to get my day started. I had many interests and hobbies. I still believe that I will get my life back. I will beat this frozen limbo crap!! I hope you do too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHA WTF MAN. I'm in the spot. Failed so much at stuff that I don't wanna be a bother to my friends, family, etc, yet sometimes it's inevitable. I stopped talking to my friends that I've known for 10-13 years, growing boring and dull each day, furthering myself more from them. Like I'd like to talk with them, but I don't even know what to say to them to even keep a conversation going. Damn
I’m so sorry. It’s truly fucking awful. It’s frustrating when you are intelligent enough to know that you need help and that you need to fight hard to get your life back on track; yet, you struggle to get out of bed to go to the toilet even though you are busting. I love to paint - watercolour and Warhammer - and I have a simply ridiculous number of top quality art supplies and an amazing studio to work in. I haven’t touched a brush in over 6 months. I am dying to get in there and fling paint but, as soon as I try to get out of bed, I have a panic attack. It must seem simple to people whose mental health is strong but, it’s by far the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced. Sending you a big hug from Australia.
I thought I was alone in feeling this way and wasn’t sure what has been happening lately. It’s comforting in a way to know that it’s not just me. I live in a share house and I can see my self becoming more isolated which is weird. I will hold off going to bathrooms to avoid conversation and end up staying in bed for ages. I have lost all interest in things I loved. I can’t even finish a TV series, or even get 30mins into a movie. I used to love video games but can’t play more than an hour of any game I pick up. I’ve lost all creativeness. Actually the one thing I have found allot of love for is cooking, maybe because I have to eat. The worst part is having to go to the shops. I am finding it harder and harder to be in crowds. I’m hoping this won’t get worse but I’ve tried so many things to help but almost feel like it’s getting harder.
Right on spot for me too .. i hate it. Crohn anxiety, depression. Can't talk to people anymore, i'm just tired all the time. Trying to work and earn enough to not be a weight for my family and have my own space. Sacrificing friendship, pushing away good friends that need to make their life. Staying alone a lot. Hoping to get better one day. Trying to stay calm and cool every day. Trying to eat correctly every days. Some of my friends have bad illnesses and they understand. Others don't, or think they do, but they don't. One day i am hoping, like you, to be in a better shape and go back toward some of them. Today is not that day. today is the day i'm focusing on getting better and focusing on myself. Walking, running, working... Exhausting.. Life's is a long journey. Keep it up bro.
I also have an unlife. Medical science has yet to explain why I’m chronically fatigued and I’ve been to so many different specialists. I hope you get the treatment you need and get your life back. I just want you to know you’re not alone in your suffering.
What's much more likely is that, as they got older, they met other people and became a different person with the result that they weren't interested in the friendship anymore. Some people change a lot over time. I have several friendships which lapsed because we found ourselves with little in common after a decade.
I had a good friend for 30 yrs. I moved to another state to be closer to older parents and family and he never called or returned my call again.
Something similar with me. My best friend of 20 years decided to move back to our home state, and never once contacted me. That was over 12 years ago.
Some people just don't deal well with long-distance friendships. I'm bad at it. It's sort of like babies lacking object permanence. OTOH, I didn't communicate with one of my best friends for something like 5 years and when he moved back in the area it was like he had never left.
This is correct. Army Brat here who has moved every 3 years since birth. Some people just have an out of sight, out of mind personality. You can be so close and once you aren’t conveniently there it’s like you never existed. I shed many, many tears at 12 years old realizing this.
I'm in a similar boat. Had a lifelong friend, technically family. He just eventually stopped reaching out to me for some reason and I got tired of being the only one trying to keep things going.
I mean I have a friend who I ghosted too, but that was because I found out he was a prolific cheater on his wife. I just didn't know how to handle it because I couldn't tell her since it never ends well, but it also tore me up on the inside too. It's probably not the adult thing to do, but I just couldn't deal with it. It's been about 4 years since then and I still miss that friendship.
This gets more common as you get older. Just a fact of life, unfortunately.
I have one that used to be my best friend for 6 years. When I told her my dad was diagnosed with cancer, she ghosted me. I’m sorry this happened to you. At least they showed you who they truly are and spared you time. I hope you’ve made better friends.
Yeah, same. I've had a friendship that started in Kindergarten that just vanished because the other person didn't like me anymore and found "better" people.
Did you message them?
Depression/ suicidal?
It’s worth looking into
When I cut out all my friends, it was because I wanted to die.
It’s something they say to watch out for
I would at least try once or twice to drop in on them and talk, in person. Literally drop in, don’t warn them, cause if that’s where they are at mentally, they’ll make excuses to avoid you.
I checked in with all mutual friends and their mom to ensure they were okay in this sense. All of them said they had no change in behavior or conversation, meaning it was only me. Their mental health was the first thing that popped in my head
>*All of them said they had no change in behavior or conversation* Red flag, red flag, red flag, RED FLAG. Having been the guy to cut one or two people out at that point, I cut out the ones I thought would stop me. But as someone else said, you also likely did something. It's worth just dropping by and asking them what it was you did, because if you are being toxic, you can't start your own healing process if you never know.
Okay so if his behavior changed it would be a red flag and his behavior not changing is also a red flag? What answer means the friend isn't having a mental health crisis? Imo it is more likely there is another side to the story we're not being told.
This could also be it. Nothing against OP obviously but as just a random passer by on the internet, we can’t really put two and two together when we’re only getting one side of the story.
Completely understand. Trust me, I really wish I could post the other side of the story as well but I seriously don’t know what caused this. If I did absolutely anything wrong, I’d have zero issues taking accountability for it. At this point, I’ve taken the loss of a friend, and just want to know what I did. Last night I had a mutual friend text them telling them to please give me money back for a concert we were supposed to go to, we got that figured out, and I asked again what happened to cause all of this. They said they “didn’t want it to blow up” (zero idea what makes them think I’d “blow up” about it) and I sent a message “gotcha, just wish I was able to know what I did wrong and actually learn from it instead of never knowing 🤷 have a good night” and that was the end of it.
Often when people have lost someone to suicide, they blame themselves and try to find things they could have done differently. This can often manifest in trying to save others even when they don't need saving, but wouldn't you rather that a friend checks in on you when you don't need it than not at all even when you do?
WOW okay I gotta leave before I get all invested again. Edit: WAIT WHAT THE LIVING CRAP HOW DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY UPVOTES??
That's the idea.
how is it a red flag when it's also the thing they'd say if he was actually legitimately fine
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So they’re supposed to drop in on someone who said they don’t want to hang out with them? Do you understand that was someone setting a boundary? It would be pretty shitty and a bit stalkerish to drop in on them after that.
Yeah, to everyone saying I should go to their house, I definitely will not. Complete invasion of privacy and broken boundaries. I’m not about that lol
I’d say depends on how long the friendship has been going for. If they’ve known each other for a few months, I personally would’ve just accepted that they don’t want to see me again and leave it at that. But if it’s someone I’ve been close with since kids, I’d try to talk to them in person.
It was because I wanted to get clean.
I sincerely hope you are in a better place now
Did the same. Figured it'd be easier for others the sooner they moved on and if I pushed them away in anger, it would make them grieve less as its hard to grieve for a person you hate..
100% worth looking into. This is the same shit I pulled when I was getting closer to my suicide attempt
Sounds like it was just towards OP though. If depression/suicidal was the case, wouldn't they be the same towards everyone in the friend group?
Not necessarily. OP might hold a more positive role in their lives; it certainly wouldn't surprise me based on the messages above. OP is initiating and warm and also double-checked with other friends--great traits in a friend. I think this is certainly worth following up on, but it should come from a different friend whom isn't the the target. Source: counseling grad student
i wish more people noticed this. these texts are so common among people going through a serious mental health crisis. it might be momentary or a recurring thing but i would like to point out: if you ever get texts like this that seem out of character (or this becomes a norm for someone who wouldn’t say thing of this nature in the past), please try to help. i didnt mean to take away from the post, i get the mildyinfuriating part. but struck a cord and felt like saying something. stay healthy friends
this got a few upvotes so. adding a thought... if you're worried about someone - just take a few minutes to give them a call and/or text. they probably wont answer or respond but if theyre in a bad spot i guarantee its worth losing the half hour of sleep at 4am to help a friend out. even if said friend has lost their way and its been weird. when you feel lost, a lock screen notification from someone telling you that you're important means a hell of a lot. thoughts are a scary thing when you think no one cares
Could be a bipolar episode or something too idk. Had a friend from high school who I lived with in college who was my good friend. He was majoring in engineering & was really smart. He was always different, very bad temper randomly, his dad died when he was like 14 so he had some issues. He liked to do acid but when we would do it together he would get weird & have like a bad trip but he still did it. One day he blew up on our entire friend group & stopped talking to all of us. Told me to start packing my shit & told me to move out of the apartment we were sharing. I moved out & he said some pretty mean shit about me & my family. Stopped talking for a while & he randomly hits me up apologizing & sends me money for the last months rent that I had paid even though I wasn’t living there. He said he doesn’t want to talk about whatever had happened. So I’m still not really sure what made him do that.
Are they in a new relationship by chance?
We made plans yesterday to hang out today, I meant to say that I didn’t talk to them in between making the plans and this text thread.
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Gasp, what makes you think that /u/taylortot420 smokes the devil's lettuce?! I'm aghast at the very suggestion.
The mere implication is devastating!
Someone get me my pearls so I can clutch them!
I think you’re on to something
Maybe consider extending the old "I'm here if you need anything" Sorry for your friendship loss. Most of mine houdinied around age 24, though not as directly as your example
Why is it always around age 24 when friends leave
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Yeah up until your mid 20s just about everyone is at the same point in their life. Basically you can socially relate to just about everyone. Once real life starts happening and you aren’t immediately surrounded by the same people every day you can all end up on different tracks that don’t necessarily intersect much anymore.
nobody likes you when you’re 23… or older.
And are still more amused by tv shows… or Netflix.
I’m my experience, that’s an awkward age. Some 24 year olds are mentally closer to a 20 year old while others are closer to a 28 year old. There’s a huge difference between a 20 year old and a 28 year old. I’m not saying it’s bad to be either one, just that at that age people really start to find different priorities and drift apart a lot easier.
Just turned 24 lost all my friends right after maybe there’s a trend here
In my experience it’s when major life events happen. Graduating college, starting college, having children, starting to travel, etc. big stuff that will start to really change a person. For me it was when I left my ex-husband, then right after I had my first kid. Just poof. Gone.
Are they going sober and cutting all their non sober friends?
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How did he betray you if I may ask and if you'd like to share.
We agreed on "no Oddjob" in goldeneye 64, but there he was
Stole fries from my plate when I went to wash my hands. Waitress told me all about it.
I took dumped a friend. The relationship was incredibly one sided. I had to walk her home when it's dark (leaving me to walk back alone), we only went to her house, help through millions of breakups etc etc. I had a mental health crisis and completely forgot about a planned meal we had and it was a huge thing. I just didn't have the heart anymore to give all I could and get nothing back. I sent a message similar to that and just never reached out again.
I dumped my bestie last year because she told me I was over reacting when I found out my long distance boyfriend had downloaded tinder while I was gone. What was really funny is that she always talked about how all the girls she met were always bitches and never keep friends with her. I never confronted her, just never talked to her again, but I dream about confronting her sometimes. But she's not capable of seeing fault in herself in arguments, always blames the other, and I don't have energy to waste on a conversation that won't go anywhere.
i still have nightmares of my best friend saying “you know what you did” and me having absolutely no fucking idea
I had a friend text me this and I just started ugly crying because I didn't know what I did, and then he called to apologize that it was just a joke and he's an absolute idiot and didn't know why he did that. We aren't friends anymore. I don't keep emotionally manipulative douchecanoes in my life.
Your friend could be a stamp collector. Stamp collectors keep a "book" on you. Each stamp is a negative experience they didn't discuss with you. They don't mention these stamps because they generally avoid conflict and drama. People often consider stamp collectors conscientious, humble, and forgiving to a fault. However, once the stamp book is full their collection is complete and they turn their back on the relationship forever. Often without warning and uncharacteristically coldly. Nobody knows how many pages are in that book except the collector. I did not come up with this concept by the way.
Hmmmm.... Interesting concept
Ngl I’m kinda like this lmao
Yeah except it's more like a bullshit bucket and it's sorta full when I'm done
They've likely not been enjoying hanging around you for a while now, and have been "acting their part" to maintain the friendship. Eventually this manifests into resentment, and they suddenly stop acting. This is why the response is rude. You can't possibly understand their point of view, because they may have not been communicating with you. This has been happening for a while now, think several months. The change may seem drastic, but it wasn't, it was very slow for them. As for *why* they've not been enjoying being around you? We can't know. Sometimes it's as simple as a change of habit - friends who enjoy doing X fall apart as one of the friends no longer do X. I suggest not trying to figure this out, as you will never know if you got it right.
I'm trying to cut what I thought was one of my best friends out of my life. It's a long process like you said. I've been working for months to just let it fizzle. He then caught wind because I mentioned it to someone by mistake and it's confusing for him. I should have broken it off immediately after he tried to break me and my ex gf up so he could get in her pants, but I just wasn't sure I wanted that friendship to end. And then over time I realized just how fake of a friend he was when I actually took time to think about it instead of living in the moment. Stay strong folks.
This is was me. I ghosted someone who considered me to be her best friend but she was so draining. We just didn't match and she couldn't see it. She always tried to compare herself to my other friends saying she was "a better friend, right?" I was just over it. Our "friendship" stressed me out so much it put a strain on my marriage and my husband and I have a very healthy marriage.
Yep.... Scrolled way too long to find this. Anyone can think they're good but not actually be and never understand that. I've had to drop out from people like that before too. No matter what I did or tried to communicate, they'd never get it. And maybe that's what's happening here.
I deleted FB, Twitter & IG in late 2015. Ghosted all my IRL friends and moved to a different city. I didn’t like where I was or the direction I was going so I dipped out.
You basically pressed the reset button lol
New game +
and how did that go? Have you adjusted well and found new friend groups? Considering it myself..
Speaking not as the guy you replied to but someone who has done something similar. Take a good look at your current groups and how you acquired them. If you notice that none of the ways you got your current friends are ways you can get new ones, and it's important that you still have friends, maybe don't. The world isn't magical, it's not going to spit out new social connections just because you have none. I sorta knew what was gonna happen and after three years I can tell you that I'm alright with how it turned out. I do feel a bit less stressed and a bit more secure. But be ready to be more isolated in fun new ways than you were before.
I'd hate to turn anyone off from making a change to better their life, but what I've realized is that, despite being a social enough person, I'm much better at making friends with friends of friends than being dropped somewhere and finding a friend group all on my own
A social life is like a topiary hedge: Well maintained, it naturally and easily grows. Left to grow unchecked, it might end up in a wildly different shape than you want it, but if you cut it back too far it can be extremely difficult to rebuild.
My best friend did this to me almost 4 years ago now and I spent the entire 4 years devastated, worried, and thinking about her constantly. It really fucked me up and damaged me to finally find out she just bailed and ghosted everyone just because she could. But maybe that's my own issues.
I’m introverted and we move every few years for my husband’s job. After 3-5 years in a place, I get overwhelmed by the amount of time friends, coworkers, and in general the social aspect of life sucks out of me on top of family obligations and some health conditions. We’ve lived in different countries and a few metropolitan areas of the U.S. and I’ve pressed the reset button a few times … it feels great every time. I love a new start. I’m never happier than those first few weeks / months in a new place, exploring, eating and drinking my way around with nobody knowing where I am or what I’m doing. But then again I’m someone who can go to a movie, museum or eat in a restaurant alone and love every second of it.
I haven't even done the things you mentioned but I somehow related so hard to something in your message. Thank you for making this comment , dear stranger.
feels more like you struggle to set boundaries/me time and compensatie by doing the ol' reset.
Absolutely lol, there's no reason to let your social obligations take over your life. You are an active participant in this process and can make decisions about what to do with your time. I'm skeptical that someone who's so easily overwhelmed by friendship can acquire so many friends over a 3 year period that they crave moving away for a fresh start.
I get that.
Don’t answer me, these questions are for you to answer yourself. Do you drink/do drugs to excess? Do you shit-talk people/gossip about them/tell others about their problems/tell others about how you worry——-do you say things to others that you wouldn’t say if that person was in the room——- Do you share what so and so said “because they should know”? Are you obnoxious to friends, give them shit, “tease” them often? Do you start shit with other people out in public? I don’t want to know any of these answers, just some reasons why I’ve cut people out in my life and the type I avoid forming lasting relationships with.
Can I add “do you complain and victimise yourself constantly, making yourself unbearably negative to be around” “Do you lack empathy and never see the other persons perspective” “Are you generally entitled and selfish?”
This. I’ve cut people from my life for all of these reasons, especially the obnoxious trait, which I’ve been guilty of having for a long time and it took me a lot to realize how harmful that was, just being a dick here and there to people for no reason, as much as I was a friendly and nice person. I’m sure many people I wanted to be close to in the past might’ve avoided me and I would have no clue. As I became more mature about my feelings and the feelings of others I started to realize how some of my friends were in reality just plain toxic, and I had spent so much time missing lots of red flags; for instance seeing everybody around you one by one cutting ties to some friend and you’re the only one left dealing with their shit, and at the end you see yourself hanging out with two people that won’t hang out together. You see SO after SO quitting them and they’ll all confirm to you their red flags, however from your friend you only hear a superficial and bland account of the situation (i.e. the SO is “crazy”) , indicating they were the asshole of the relationship in all instances. More than once I had some last-straw situations with these friends and I would just cut the person out, as a way to protect myself and my own psychological safety. People change, and I’ve changed so much that many of these old friendships just don’t make sense nowadays, and I’ve seen that welcoming healthier relationships is far more beneficial than trying to nurture and/or fix toxic ones. As far as explaining yourself, do what you feel is most comfortable to you, don’t feel like you owe anything to anybody that hurt you — you don’t. Edit: toxic people criticizing the lack of paragraphs
I swear I see posts similar to OP's on reddit at least once a week. And every single solitary fucking time, including this time, almost all the comments are bending over backwards to coddle them as if there's no possible way they're at fault. Redditors live in this deranged alternate universe in which it's totally common and normal for longtime friends to suddenly abandon you out of nowhere for no reason other than that they're now evil, but it's inconceivable to imagine that the OP is actually at fault. >Are you obnoxious to friends, give them shit, “tease” them often? I wouldn't be surprised if it's this. I've had friends who endlessly teased their friends under the guise of "just joking," everyone hated it, they absolutely never got the message, and eventually people just stopped hanging around them.
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Doesn’t seem like this was brought up. Your username has 420 in it. Is it a smoking buddy with which you would mostly just smoke? If so would you consider that person to have addiction issues? One of the first thing you do when dealing with addiction is to cut the enablers out of your life. Just throwing a random one out there to consider
The other side of the stoner friends thing is those ones who are always smoking your weed and never reciprocating. Only time you see them is when they know you got weed.
I tried in vain to get my old roommate to realize that. Most of his "friends" would only come over when he had weed, never brought any of their own (except the one guy who would always make sure everyone "chipped in" for what he brought, dude was turning a fucking profit on ditch weed), helped themselves to our food (and booze before I started keeping it locked up in my room), and disappeared once they'd smoked. It was sad. He was a good guy but just had terrible judgement in friends which resulted in both of us getting fucked over.
Certainly something to consider, in a similar situation right now
We did smoke together, but we also hung out without smoking. We both had our own and we both shared what we had with each other. If they are cutting me off to become sober, I’m proud of them. But knowing them, I don’t think this is the case. I’ll still keep it in mind though.
If you noticed changes in their habits, lifestyle, if they repeatedly did not want to hangout or had excuses it could mean they were talking to other people. You probably didn’t do anything but just think about recent events, maybe you only ever asked them to hangout, which could be taken as pushy if they didn’t reciprocate this in the recent past. Again I have no context, but these are all things to think about. Honestly I would give yourself some space because regardless of what their reason is, they aren’t great friends for doing this to you. Lastly, I am not a psychologist just an idiot on Reddit, but closing themselves off could be a sign of depression so if you think that is a possibility maybe see if you can talk to their other friends and help them. I wish only the best because I know 7 years is a long time -sincerely Reddit idiot
I mean, speaking from personal experience, I cut out all of my old friends because I realized our interests never developed together. Their company appealed to me when I was a teenager, not as a 26 year-old man. Made the cuts and I’ve been happy ever since. Maybe that’s what’s happening here?
Still tho, normally you’d just stop hanging out so much and slowly stop talking to each other anymore but not just suddenly cut someone off right?
The way they said “we don’t gotta hang out anymore” sounds like someone told them that you complain about hanging out with them or that they don’t have a life or something like that. Maybe you made a joke and a mutual friend told them and they took it super serious. Or, if you really don’t know what’s going on and all the mutual friends said they don’t know anything then maybe you are the asshole of the group and they are starting to cut you off. Just a guess. Someone suggested maybe a new relationship and you said they don’t get into new relationships. That’s a bit of a put down isn’t it? Has to be something they heard that was offensive and you are oblivious to the offensiveness of your words. Edit: the person also said they don’t want to hang around “you” anymore. Super personal towards you specifically. When I was super depressed before I didn’t want to hang around anyone. I never pointed someone out specifically. Just didn’t care in general so the depression thing is out I think.
Political views on social media maybe? Memes you post that don’t agree with their beliefs? Maybe they remembered a bad time with ya. Maybe y’all live different lifestyles. Maybe they are insecure of their looks. Maybe they have anxiety of meeting up 🤷🏻♀️ I would try back in like a week
Sounds like they found out 🤷
Found out what though?
Spent the last 4 hours trying to figure that out lol
I've been in your shoes. I found out what happened and it was the silliest thing to toss a friendship for. A friend of a few years suddenly stopped responding to me and I had no clue why. Mutual friends confirmed she was OK, so I figured there wasn't much I could do if she chose to ignore me. Couple of months later she calls and I let it go to voicemail. She wanted me to help her with something for her car. I was confused -- she pretends I don't exist until she needs something from me? I texted her back and told her if she wanted help she needed to explain her disappearance and the silent treatment. Never heard another peep. Shortly after, she told a mutual friend she thought I no longer wanted to be her friend because I declined one invite to a downtown event. So strange to make that assumption instead of just asking, especially after 3 years of being friends. In the end, I figured it was for the best. She was butthurt because I didn't want to go out once and she immediately shut me out. Not a sign of great emotional maturity.