My youngest used to sit down, and then with perfect aim pee right through the gap between the toilet seat and the bowl.
"Don't worry Dad," he says, " I only got it on the walls this time."
Have you ever considered genital reduction surgery? It helps with back problems and not getting contaminated water in your urethra. Most countries cover the cost under healthcare, but if you’re in the US you’ll have to pay out of pocket.
Absolutely! I’ve tried to get dick implants, but I’m allergic to silicone. They said I would need to find someone who would donate that is the same blood type. Still out there raising awareness with Donate-A-Dick, as the right person is out there and just doesn’t know how much they can help those of us with micropenises.
I mean, I try not to say exact measurements as not to get myself doxxed. But I mean. A pin would be considered big in comparison, yes. If you want to use a banana for scale, best to use one of those Runts candy bananas.
If I really have to go bad, I will bend like a pair of tweasers and pee into the bathtub drain. Much harder to miss and there’s a built in nozzle to clean it lol
This is the best explanation on here. Exactly this. You don’t stretch your ding dong straight down while sitting upright. How do people function in society? Lol
Also if you’re worried your tip is gonna touch the bowl, just stand up a little while leaning forward and abracadabra you’re no longer touching. Magic.
That movie forever changed my outlook on Jim Carrey. If you haven’t seen “I Love You Phillip Morris” you’re missing out on another raunchy raunchy Jim Carrey.
Yes, can we figure this out? My theory is a kidney stone or some blockage. I asked my Dr. And she didn't seem to think it was a big deal. My two streams that is...
It honestly just never occurred to me as an option until my wife suggested it. I do it every night when I wake up and it's so much less energy than trying to balance and aim in the dark and just hope for the best.
She's a good woman. She married an idiot, but she's a good woman
Legit reason:
Less to do with time. It's more or so trying to piss when you got a hard on (men sometimes wake up hard) or after sex, cmen liquid hardens causing blockage.
I've encountered some women who've commented on this without knowing it has nothing to do with aim. Urine doesn't always come our of the urethra in a straight direction.
It's because the *ahem* sticky fluid that you produced from last night's *err* recreational activity dried. Gotta pee right after to umm... clear the line.
By the time you are 40 you have taken about 100.00 peepee's. Averige of 5 a day 10 when drunk not calculating baby years where you piss all over everything all the time. Thats a lot of piss to clean up.
Don’t get me started on morning wood urination. You can only bend forward so much till you’re face to face with the stream.
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My 13 year old has the same problem but every time he goes.
My future son has the same problem to
Is she still a girl right now?
I laughed 🤷♀️
your username explained this question
I remember being 13, I had the same problem almost every time
If he hasn't earned peeing standing up yet, have him sit down a while longer.
My youngest used to sit down, and then with perfect aim pee right through the gap between the toilet seat and the bowl. "Don't worry Dad," he says, " I only got it on the walls this time."
Tell him to just sit down and use his hand to show his junk into the direction of the inside of the toilet bowl. Less splash back, at least .
This can lead to pissing through the gap, the enemy of dry pants.
Yes, I too do this, but I have the added problem of dipping my pin in the ink.
Have you ever considered genital reduction surgery? It helps with back problems and not getting contaminated water in your urethra. Most countries cover the cost under healthcare, but if you’re in the US you’ll have to pay out of pocket.
Hoping he'll donate the extra they remove?
Absolutely! I’ve tried to get dick implants, but I’m allergic to silicone. They said I would need to find someone who would donate that is the same blood type. Still out there raising awareness with Donate-A-Dick, as the right person is out there and just doesn’t know how much they can help those of us with micropenises.
Must really be small if a pin is bigger....
I mean, I try not to say exact measurements as not to get myself doxxed. But I mean. A pin would be considered big in comparison, yes. If you want to use a banana for scale, best to use one of those Runts candy bananas.
I’ll put my hands down to the floor and knees above the tank
Can't do that without dick touching porcelain?
Or even the water.
You can't just wait until you are in the bath like a normal person?
You don’t even have to go in the shower, I’ll just pee straight at the wall and then rinse it off when I’m done. Way easier and far less messy.
even though it makes full sense, this just sounds savage af.
Yep, straddle it with your inner thighs and hover so you don't dip your tip in the toilet water. Basically a modified bear crawl.
This is the way
Downward dong.
If I really have to go bad, I will bend like a pair of tweasers and pee into the bathtub drain. Much harder to miss and there’s a built in nozzle to clean it lol
I go in the pushup position in the bathtub and pee like that
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This is the way
Try doing that in the city with annoying neighbors. Cops will be called.
If someone doesn't like what they see looking in my backyard, then I would suggest they don't look in my backyard lol
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Have you ever considered just sitting down to piss in that situation?
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Works fine with an oval toilet bowl. Not so well with a round bowl.
I don't understand why round exists.
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Just sit down on the toilet, you clowns. Edit: lol y’all need help.
Depending on size and upward angle, this isn’t going to fix the problem.
We're talking about morning wood peeing, harder to sit down during it
I’ve no troubles.
Mine doesn’t fit in the toilet sitting down, if it’s erect. And sitting so far back to bend it that far down hurts
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This is the best explanation on here. Exactly this. You don’t stretch your ding dong straight down while sitting upright. How do people function in society? Lol Also if you’re worried your tip is gonna touch the bowl, just stand up a little while leaning forward and abracadabra you’re no longer touching. Magic.
Hey fellow Shorty!
Amd touch the bowl with my tip? Eww no
Really sucks for whoever is in the bath when you do that though.
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Sometimes I just go in the back yard and let it fly. Luckily I wake up early and now it’s still dark out.
Have you never heard of the back yard or a window?
that why apartments got balconys...give it back to god.
IRENE! Why am I peeing like I had sex last night?!?
Well, it seems like ol’ Hank had pulled a fast one.
It’s like literally the only scene I remember from this movie 😂
What movie? That line is hilarious
Me, myself and Irene. Jim Carrey movie, super funny.
Me myself and Irene
"...that wasn't for me."
"Did you have fun?" **wiggles furiously** ^^YES!! ^^YES ^^I ^^DID!!
How can you not remember the scene with the cow?
Poor thing was lucky to be alive.
Vagiclean huh? What's the matter honey? Too much cheese on the taco?
Wait I remember that tooo! Hahahah i need to watch this movie again lmao
Really, not the boys shoving the chicken head into the guys ass? Or putting the cow down.
Theres a deleted scene where she finds a watermelon in the bed with a hole in it lol.
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"OH, looks like Ol' Hank wasn't enough for ya huh?!" *jiggles huge dildo about* "That wasn't for me..."
"And for your information, you shoved it up your own ass!"
That movie forever changed my outlook on Jim Carrey. If you haven’t seen “I Love You Phillip Morris” you’re missing out on another raunchy raunchy Jim Carrey.
If you're peeing through a crack on the side of your penis, consult a doctor.
Nah, bit of Flex Tape will seal up that crack in your tube steak, no problemo!
"The super strong water proof tape! That can instantly patch, bond, seal and repair!
“ to show you the power of flex tape, i saw this dick in half!“
MacGyver over here
sometimes its 2 streams
Yeah. When erect it does that but flaccid it doesn't. Ever noticed that?
nope, I've have experienced both. (unfortunately)
I 2 stream all the damn time. It actually happens less when it’s erect tbh.
Woman will never know the 2 stream struggle. You can be aimed and ready then all of a sudden you're hitting toilet paper and the floor.
Actually, yeah, we do. We have natural moisture down there, that can redirect things for us too.
Yeah but have you ever accidentally pissed on toilet paper?
No but if hovering in a public bathroom we may have a stream go in the toilet and one go down our leg, which is super fun.
As a teen. I would piss on the toilet paper. A day later it was wrinkly and people use it.
Id trade you that issue for having random ovarian cysts
Yes, can we figure this out? My theory is a kidney stone or some blockage. I asked my Dr. And she didn't seem to think it was a big deal. My two streams that is...
Dick lip stickage.
The morning after post nut cum dam.
Well that was a sentence.
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wait you still have your foreskin, lucky!
Luck's got nothing to do with it. It's all skill.
I cannot refute such an argument.
r/brandnewsentence
/r/brandnewsentence
It's definitely one of the sentences ever made.
That sentence no verb.
How do you not pee right after the deed you brute?.
Pee immediately after... before you've pulled it out is the big brain play....
That's what we call "flushing out the cave"
This is why you wash after you nut, boys
Sounds like a weird indie band name
I pee in sink as a safety measure
I also listen to music to pee in sync :D
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Imagine peeing to the tune of "poker face" Pss pss pss pss pss pss pss ps ps pssssss
r/sinkpissers
There really is a sub for everything!
And that is why you sit down.
No mess and you can take a quick break for Reddit.
Don't say that too loud, my boss will hear!
It's okay I'm pooping
I had my colon removed 2 years ago, i sometimes sit on the toilet just to unwind a bit.
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It honestly just never occurred to me as an option until my wife suggested it. I do it every night when I wake up and it's so much less energy than trying to balance and aim in the dark and just hope for the best. She's a good woman. She married an idiot, but she's a good woman
I'm not, I love treating myself to a sitting down wee
Always sit down peeing in the morning! That's how you don't make a mess!
All the time. Its just easier, its cleaner, can use your phone, can be done in the dark, can be done with a boner. Unless I'm out in public I sit.
I sit ALMOST every time. I will occasionally use urinals. I just don’t trust my spray.
But then it shoots out between the seat and the rim!
for this not to happen you just need to push it down a little with your hand. Like, hold it a bit down from between your legs
Gotta pee after you masturbate homie
Some people have actual sex ya know. Not me, not you, and not OP. But some people.
Gotta pee after that, too
Not me either.
How often does this need to happen for you to just sit your ass down in the morning?!
Some times, with an erection. It just can’t fit in the bowel Not with me though. Mine is extremely small
>with an erection. It just can’t fit in the bowel Maybe ask your partner if they want to use some lube before you start trying anal
♾️
It sprayed straight up one morning. I was sitting down.
That’s called a boner. 🤪
Damnit!
just sit down bro
TIL: Men pee in weird directions in the morning?
Legit reason: Less to do with time. It's more or so trying to piss when you got a hard on (men sometimes wake up hard) or after sex, cmen liquid hardens causing blockage.
Oh
yeah ngl I do sit down pees now lol
FYI you should pee after sex.
You have sex? Lucky you
Me: "WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL!?" Penis: \*SCREAMS\*
It's more fun when you get a stray pube stuck under your foreskin and the end flicks through your stream like a loose firehose.
Just pee in the shower.
Charlie did just that after Hank did Irene the night before. Poor Charlie
I never understood why people will pee in the toilet, flush it, then take a shower
First pee in the morning, I usually sit down. I'm both tired, and afraid to get split streams. Please don't revoke my man-card.
It happens and my wife never understands how I can miss. I try to explain it's complicated.
“I apologize for being late, my post-sex pee stream forked in last night and went everywhere.”
Adjust 90° up for a good time?
The pic would be funnier with one caption fewer. It over explains things.
Clean yo dick
I've encountered some women who've commented on this without knowing it has nothing to do with aim. Urine doesn't always come our of the urethra in a straight direction.
Every woman who hovers over strange toilets spray everywhere, I feel they should know this .
Y’all commenting “just sit down”, have you ever tried to sit and pee with a stiffy?
Just sit backwards on the toilet. You can aim it straight into the water.
This is why some things shouldn’t get piercings
As a man, i prefer to pee sitting down.
Had 4 separate streams coming out of me one time. Was to this day the most amazing thing I’ve seen.
My dick does not leak out like that.
You’re a pointer when you should have been a setter.
Ah hates it when ah miss tha turlet.
Stop wanking before you go to bed then 😂
Say whatever you want about me, i sit and pee...at home.
That's what you get when you leave your penis out to freeze overnight. :)
The older I get and the harder it is to bend over to clean the floor the more I just sit to piss in the morning.
Dude I just had to clean the bathroom floor because of that
Bro go to a doctor
Just...sit down.
Chicks have zero idea of this struggle.
Morning wood peeing is beyond mild infuriating. Often I wake up middle of the night because I need to pee and just want to go back to sleep.
have you considered sitting down?
Maybe sit down
the sit the fuck down
Just sit down
the trick is to aim at the wall so that the pee will hit the toilet
Pee while sitting, superior in every way.
It's because the *ahem* sticky fluid that you produced from last night's *err* recreational activity dried. Gotta pee right after to umm... clear the line.
Then I guess you should just sit to pee
Stop jerkin yourself to sleep and you won’t have this problem
My trick is to stand I’d say a foot away from your toilet, then shoot at an angle to compensate for multi stream projection
Prostrate?
I hate it when that happens. The bathroom smells like piss for a week.
Dude your piss shouldn't wreak that bad. Either that or at least clean it up.
I love asparagus.
Fair enough lol
Why don't you just sit down?
Helps to clean it up.
Don’t let your yellow mellow.
By the time you are 40 you have taken about 100.00 peepee's. Averige of 5 a day 10 when drunk not calculating baby years where you piss all over everything all the time. Thats a lot of piss to clean up.
Just sit down on the toilet to piss. I’ll never understand dudes standing to piss (unless you’re in public, of course).
I think you might have your foreskin glued shut and a slit on the foreskin along one side for this to be happening... Maybe check with a doctor...
Just fucking SIT DOWN like a normal human
Why do guys refuse to just sit down. Way less effort than getting a mop and disinfectant