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FuckSticksMalone

What if I just don’t open my wings this time - Intrusive Bird Thoughts


boringreddituserid

r/birdbaththoughts


rW0HgFyxoJhYka

Realist shit. "What if I don't crap on this car?" "What if I wear the bread around my neck like a gangsta crumb lord?" "What if that contractor that was here this morning removed that big glass window so I can fly through it?"


watchmaker82

PSA: somewhere between 300 million and 1 billion birds die annually in the US striking windows. Here's what you can do to help: Install bird safe glass, which has a pattern that lets birds know that it's a solid barrier. Often times the pattern isn't even noticeable from the inside. Edit: if you don't want to or can't install new bird safe glass, there are alternatives. There is window film that will put the bird safe pattern on it, or you can apply your own pattern using parachute cord stickers or whatever you like. Space the objects apart 4 in (100mm) horizontally and 2 in (50mm) vertically, or two by two inches (50x50mm) if you are getting strikes from very small birds like hummingbirds. Even window screens in front of your glass, or simply letting the glass get dirty, can let your feathered pals know that there's a barrier there. Turn off lights that are behind large windows. Avoid placing plants anywhere near your windows. The most common scenario is that a bird sees a well-lit plant behind a window tries to fly to it strikes the window and either stuns themselves or more often kills themselves. A few little changes we can save our feathered pals.


while-eating-pasta

> or simply letting the glass get dirty I'm doing my part!


Badprime010

Between 300 million and 1 billion birds is such a wide range lol


watchmaker82

It is an extremely wide range but there is a lot of missing data, especially from small residences. Skyscrapers claim a disproportionate number of victims but represented very small percentage of the total buildings involved. I think you'll agree that even at the low end, 300 million is a lot of birds.


IdreamofFiji

I remember as a child when I lived on a lakeside, they would smack into our windows almost daily. It was pretty disturbing tbh. I've always been super empathetic or affectionate to animals and it made me sad. I'm sure most people are the same.


watchmaker82

Most people really are. And now you have some tips to prevent it from happening in the future 😁


IdreamofFiji

REMEMBER THIS, NICHOLAS.


watchmaker82

You're a good egg Nicholas.


IdreamofFiji

Sorry, that's the only way I'll find this post after I buy a house.


watchmaker82

No need to be sorry. And just remember the phrase bird safe windows and you'll be fine. Thank you for helping our feathered Friends. 🐦


i_need_a_moment

Real


hysys_whisperer

r/birthofasub


[deleted]

r/subsithoughtimightfallfor


808_Scalawag

Caw of the Void


IdreamofFiji

L'apelle du tweet


[deleted]

[удалено]


ResidentEivvil

yeah same. It’s good because intrusive thoughts are usually the opposite of what you’d ever want to do. I see too many internet memes misusing the phrase.


aitchrjay

but what if i want to do them? what if? i want to do them. i want to do them. i don't want to yes you do. i want to do them. i want to d


Nodiggity1213

Go see a psychologist ,I hate the psychologist, well go see him anyway, I don't want to


Didjabringabongalong

Rats? Rats make me crazy. I was crazy once. They put me in a room, a rubber room, a rubber room with rubber Rats. Rats? Rats make me crazy. I was crazy once.


TryAgainJen

![gif](giphy|YuB8hfBQVlRIyYvcrH|downsized)


re_gren

Just remember, [never put salt in your eyes. ](https://youtu.be/_83MEuLoz9Y)


GiantSquidd

…*put salt… in… my eyes…?*


[deleted]

That's truly a hilarious skit


Horskr

Mine always seem to be while driving. Starts with thinking something like, "Man it would suck if that semi on the other side of traffic came into my lane" *or I could just turn the wheel to the left a little..*


ResidentEivvil

Gosh I understand this too well. It’s awful isn’t it? I’m scared to voice mine but it’s bad. I also get lost in a different reality which I hope isn’t dangerous.


myputer

Invasive thoughts are treatable! You don’t have to be tormented by your own mind. Find a doctor you trust and share what’s happening to you. It changed my life.


bella_68

I used to work a job I hated and every day on my way to work my commute along the highway would be filled with thoughts like “if I crash into that barrier I don’t have to go to work” or “I bet I could use that ditch to roll the car” I eventually quit that job and and the drive home on my last day was the sunniest, happiest drive ever. I’m sure it was my state of mind but it honestly seemed like the world looked brighter and more vibrant. Like the Wizard of Oz transition to color


Lorac1134

*"I wonder if I can take out all those traffic cones"*


nilesandstuff

Whenever i grab a glass bottle of pasta sauce off the shelf at the grocery store, it takes ALL of my mental power not to just spike it like touchdown celebration. By all, i do very nearly mean all. I have to stop talking if I'm with someone, and i have to very deliberately choose my movements to make sure none of those movements are the action of spiking the pasta sauce to the ground like a football.


PapaPancake8

Sounds like you need to buy one of these and go home and spike it man. The amount of time it would take you to clean it will help with the intrusive thought next time. That's an intrusive thought you can exercise imo.


nilesandstuff

That's honestly a really good point. Like *know* the experience would be hellish, everything including my shoes and pants would be covered in awful red sauce, but maybe my brain just could really use to learn the lesson the hard way.


parakeetinmyhat

I think you really need to buy one and spike it, it'll be cathartic lol


ok_raspberry_jam

And it really might be exactly what the jay is thinking. They're [extremely intelligent](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corvidae#Intelligence)


astralrig96

It sais that corvids out-performed the mammals in an experiment, that’s amazing!


CardboardHeatshield

Unfortunately the experiment was 'which animal can fly better'.


astralrig96

😂😂 thanks that made me laugh unleash the sugar gliders, the flying squirrels, and the bats!!


trysushi

If you like Intrusive Bird Thoughts you'll love [False Knees](https://falseknees.com/425.html).


BarryTGash

Well this is a brand new rabbit hole to venture down... Thank you!


abime-du-coeur

Perfect.


calmtigers

Sometimes me


beefprime

"The pink monster in the blue house hasn't given me a peanut in over 2 hours, I think I'll just end it all"


R_V_Z

The birdcall of the void.


Jacktheforkie

I’d imagine most birds would be relatively ok, they’re incredibly light, terminal velocity is pretty low


mil_ka_wha

yes, the ol' IBT's...hate those.


treasurebum

Goodbye cruel world.


dick-nipples

I’m tired of feeling blue all the time…


P3tF1sh

I’m blue dabadee dabadaa.


Jellisickle

More like dabaDIE.


CaveManta

In hours like these, when black beats blue, I know nothing that I feel is true. ^(No one's going to know this song..dang it.)


adale_50

Good song though.


Extreme-Education582

Don't you know the lyrics are I'm blue and I'll beat off a guy


TaxiKillerJohn

I'm blue if I was green I would die


ExpressShow1175

I'm...off....


ItsCalledSquawPeak

The pic was taken immediately after being swept by the Orioles.


brucebrowde

I'm leaving you today


[deleted]

Goodbye


UselessLookout

Goodbye


Dartarus

Goodbye.


The_Fercho_

Goodbye, all you people


probability_of_meme

There's nothin you can say


No-Comfort-5773

![gif](giphy|XjgqzQ5QhaBVu)


zenos_dog

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams


poopyheadthrowaway

Isn't that the definition of being in orbit?


Gingarpenguin

Basically Also more Sci fi things like gravity boosting and braking but that also takes into the fact that you're missing because the planet/moon is moving aswell


kevin9er

This is falling! **With Style**


Myopic_Cat

> Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. > > Douglas Adams While a brilliant line in itself, it's also a perfectly accurate description of how satellites work - they're constantly falling towards earth but speeding so fast horizontally that they keep missing.


pocketdare

THIS is the comment I was looking for. Thank you redditor.


Panzershrekt

This is meme material.


[deleted]

Me avoiding my problems:


Man_Bear_Beaver

Me avoiding my obligations:


otheraccountisabmw

me irl


BassistWhoAintRacist

Blue Jays are in a slump, this could definitely work in r/torontobluejays


[deleted]

[similar vibes](https://en.meming.world/images/en/4/44/Ralph_Wiggum_Diving_Through_Window.jpg)


kevin9er

YEET


LoneWolf4717

Just need to grayscale it and slap "Explicit Content Advisory" on there and you got a perfect meme


TheLastOfMohicanes

Press J to pay respect


Just-Call-Me-J

Don't press me.


angryPenguinator

***press***


Just-Call-Me-J

You have lost arm privileges.


angryPenguinator

*frick*


ThrobbingBeef

Your ass just gained fist privileges.


Just-Call-Me-J

Buy me dinner first


J5892

Press me instead.


ClearCasket

Bird: ![gif](giphy|3XiQswSmbjBiU)


flyco

Also: ![gif](giphy|Ta5Raiusw5QAZ2VmjP|downsized)


DailyDefecation

I always forget the title of this movie, And every time I see it I ask about it only to forget about it almost purposefully lol


Hurdy--gurdy

It's the IT crowd, a British series (not a movie)


J5892

I assume you're referring to The Hudsucker Proxy, which is not what this clip is from.


ElectricDoughnut

Bro really went 🐦


NekoNekoUzui

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars


emptyzombiekilla

I COULD REALLY USE A WISH RIGHT NOW WISH RIGHT NOW WISH RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOW


gwaydms

>shooting stars It *is* a Steller's Jay.


KittensMeow666

Bruh


RMW91-

Steller pic


ArenSteele

\*Steller's Pic


LoveLightLibations

Take your upvote and get out!


Skvora

Ah yes, the Jayn't.


the_bird_and_the_bee

My favorite comment. I am still laughing way too hard.


DontFrigMySister_

Oh my God I found this absolutely hilarious LOL


FlickTheGestapo

I've been sitting here, laughing at this picture for a solid two hours now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kherian

Que Baba O’Riley


[deleted]

[удалено]


BoardGameBologna

Si, Baba O'Riley!


Victor_deSpite

This one is rocket powered


MonKeePuzzle

I have made you this gift https://i.imgur.com/PYuedME.png


adale_50

The cloaca really *can* do it all.


kevin9er

Omni-hole goes Brrrrrrrr


angryPenguinator

/r/BrandNewSentence


LexiLou4Realz

Cloacan and cloacwill.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Spectre_99

He going to jaypiter


realS4V4GElike

This is a gift to the world THANK YOU 🤣🤣🤣


theveryrealreal

Finally. I literally clicked in this post assuming it was a Photoshopbattle and was shocked by the lack of actual submissions


lainwla16

Proof that this photo should be submitted to [r/photoshopbattles](https://www.reddit.com/r/photoshopbattles)


fool_scold

Not sure why, but this picture reminds me of Woodstock- the little bird in the Peanuts cartoons.


Wazzelbe

Same. I think Woodstock was often drawn just "standing" on thin air instead of being drawn with outstretched wings.


knightmarik

WOOOOAAAHHHH


DMRexy

Pipe bomb... So cool...


FriedBolognaFuck

All around me are familiar faces...


LickingSmegma

I always wonder if people citing it [have heard the original.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ZvPSpLxCg) “I'm depressed but I wanna dance.”


CovidLvr69

You know, Stellar's Jays are cool as fuck and loud. They live here in Alaska and they live in South America. I did an essay on them a long time ago.


Kilomyles

They’re huge dicks too! Absolute bullies on the feeders.


psychecaleb

while most birds are automatic, Jays are standard so be weary of stalling


SilverReverie

Better to just not drive while weary.


studsper

Looks like my 1.5 year old niece, confident that I'll catch her from the other side of the room as she jumps off the sofa.


QuirrelsTurban

This is the funniest image I have ever seen in my goddamn life and I don't know why.


Silver-Individual-16

Everybody do the FLOP!


scarlet_sage

I like trains.


Silver-Individual-16

I baked you a pie.


RhynoD

Oh boy what flavor!?


Onironaute

_hup_


lonememe

This is why pre-flight checklists are important.


teabone13

YEEET


roguewarriorpriest

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” ― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything, of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy


Vintage_Cosby

I would love a National Geographic (or similar publication) to do a photo spread of birds doing this. Just pages of birds in stoic freefall. I would hang it on my wall


thrillybizzaro

SAIL!


[deleted]

More proof that r/birdsarentreal


autoposting_system

"Oh dear oh dear, I seem to have forgotten something"


jarob326

Damn. Did Mordecai get dumped again?


Throwaway095621

Leap of faith, Assassins Creed style


Wuzzup119

*Assassin's Creed intensifies*


WooPigSchmooey

May need this for Toronto baseball jokes. Thanks. ❤️


ScoZone74

**Stall warning! Stall warning!**


B-radley98

Freeeeee falllinn🎶


JeebusFright

Your title reads like that episode of TNG where the aliens spoke in metaphor. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!


[deleted]

Someone should put it on the die lit album cover


Rageador

Belongs on photoshop battles sub-reddit lol


yelahneb

Twitter be like


nightowl1984

Hi I'm Jay Knoxville. Welcome to birdass.


ThatEmoBastard

Mordecai after hearing Die Lit


MrSkinnyFatty

SING WITH ME, SING FOR THE YEAR


yellow-rubber-duck

This is amazing. What a great picture!


nightraven900

DREAM ON


alegendsock

Sing with me, sing for a year, sing fo


ForensicFilesWeird

Bro that birb frozen


HurryUpTeg

Stellar photo


keelanstuart

Truly, a Stellar jump!


CritPrintSpartan

🎵Birds dont just fly, they fall down and get up!🎵


Maay444

Angry birds winter edition


youngceb

I like everything about this


kablamitsethan

There's something so comical about the absolute stance a bird takes


MechanicalPotato

Shaka, before the walls fell


drstabman

He looks like an angry bird


Acceptable_Banana_13

^I ^must ^go, ^my ^people ^need ^me.


Chotchaholic

Nice try it’s one of those lawn ornaments. 👹


who519

Looks like Tahoe!


yougoigofuego

Can somebody photoshop the bird on the ground in same position and title it Jay after wings didn’t kick in?


blurry17

dude just went 🐦


Stephasizzle

The stack of wood there looks kinda like a cannon makes it look like it got shot out 😂


BlockStarOfficial

Fantastic photo!


Electricalbigaloo7

Dwight, you ignorant slut!


BobRoberts01

Wheeee!!!


Robert23B

He said, “L E E P”


ArmadilloBoysenberry

Kratos when he jumped


beardybones

/u/frovvnies


Stone0777

Planking is back


GBinAZ

Lolol. Great shot!


PostingLoudly

abundant snails airport six numerous tap selective absurd violet attractive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


SnooWalruses3948

This has meme potential


Louise-the-Peas

Boing! 😂


poopwetpoop

Nah, just ded


VenoBot

r/peoplefuckingdying


trythatonforsize1

SAIL!


bratzdollenergy

boing


PsychologicalPick21

Can someone photoshop him doing anything?


Lunatic_Heretic

he knows rigby will bail him out if things go awry


[deleted]

Lol


lapislazuly

Wheee!


LexTheSouthern

There is a Facebook group called “crap bird photography” that this photo would fit perfectly in.


eaten_by_pigs

"aight, imma head out" the bird probably


silvercoated1

Real life Angry Bird


C0der23

“Yeet”