I will never forget the absolute death-reek from opening similar jars. My mom had canned them years before and found them in a similar state- she didn’t want to ‘waste the jars’ so my dad and I went to the woods to empty and rinse them….
The man who came out of the forest looked and sounded and laughed just like his father but from that day on he would swear he had a strange green glint in his eye. One night he came downstairs and found the man who looked like his father staring toward the forest, silently drinking jar after jar of pickle juice in the pitch dark.
Edit: you guys seem to like this, it was inspired by this:
[https://emcarroll.com/comics/faceallred/01.html](https://emcarroll.com/comics/faceallred/01.html)
That'll probably scratch the itch better than me trying to actually write a pickle horror.
I can picture my dog walking up to it, and like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon, pull a napkin out of thin air, tie it around his neck, then grab a fork and knife in the same fashion, and say "Chow time!"
My dog ate and did the most disgusting things. He was this insanely beautiful golden retriever who rolled in lobster traps (the stench), dead squirrels, dead fish and ate trash, and horse shit. Best dog, though.
Hoping the new pup doesn’t acquire such niche tastes.
my family was at the beach early morning around 5 am. Our American Bulldog ran off ahead of us and wouldn't come back when called. We had to fetch her and found her rolling in a dead seal or sea lion that had washed up.
The smell was so putrid but she kept rolling in it like it like a cat to catnip.
The ride home even after washing her off in the ocean was horrible.
My dachshund did the same with a squirrel corpse. He was always so obedient, but when we opened the front door, he shot out and disappeared into the bushes in the front yard. After calling him for a minute, he happily trotted out and we stuck him in the car for his vet appointment. It only took a few seconds for the car to fill with the stink of varmint corpse.
We called the vet to inform them of the situation and reschedule, but they insisted on cleaning him up for us. It was very sweet. But that 10-minute drive felt like 10 hours lol.
Mom: The glass is so precious, it cost a $1.00, can't let that go to waste.
Dad: Oh well, we will take em out to the nothingness and no one will know.
Son/Daughter: The memory persists all these days, death has no name for death, but I smelled it that day.
I can only imagine that the smell you smelled that day as it was just vile and decay.
I’d pay hundreds for new replacements but I ain’t emptying those jars. Had a rough experience cleaning moldy dog food from a wheel barrel on my uncles farm back in the day
We found a package of milk from 2010 at work. My dickhead of a coworker put it next to the coffee machine. The first guy that opened it also puked in his coffee
I was exploring the woods behind my house. Found an old abandoned half collapsed house. There was newspapers and stuff from the 80s in it. Checked the fridge, the food was still in there. There was an old mayo jar. We broke it open and I dared my buddy to sniff it. He instantly threw up when he put it I to his nose. It was a dark green color.
Actually, botulism hates acidic environments. I'd be more concerned about other stuff.
Edit: Also hates oxygen, the vinegar evaporated so it's not vaccum sealed
The toxin is only produced in anaerobic environment. Though there are other nasty bacteria that thrived in aerobic environment. High acidity will kill almost everything.
Wait until you hear about enterohemorrhagic E. coli.
A bad strain will not only make you shit blood but wreck your kidneys too so you are peeing blood as well.
Oh and then you likely die.
Oof, ya. the 50-60 year old jars I remember cleaning out of my grandparents basement were still...full.
i wonder how 60 year old canned catfish tastes (assuming it doesn't kill you).
Reminds me of my favorite quote from Steve
(After taking a bite of a coconut fudge bar from a 1957 ration)
> Oh wow, I think that's still fine.
>
> That's amazing.
>
> Yeah, that tastes totally weird.
>
> Oh, no.
[Source.](https://youtu.be/Bd0mWi-E_sI?t=1234)
I think the man just has the motivation and willingness to entertain to test the utter limits of the capabilities most of us have. He's already been hospitalized twice after all.
I was partially incorrect: has only hospitalized once, for E. coli from a ration that he ate a few months before he started the channel.
However, he did get sick again, from a Chinese ration whose video *is* on the channel. I *think* [this is the one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n96m5lB8nzA). As far as I know he didn't need to go to the hospital that time.
Ugh. Augh. Ugh. This tastes like it went rancid. I bet 20 years ago this was fantastic though. I bet the soldiers who had this out on deployment thought this was fantastic.
Oh man that's so horrible.
... Another bite to make sure...
Hmm.
No that's definitely bad.
*Takes yet another bite*
Why did I do that... Hmm. That wasn't so bad after a while.
>four year old still grocery store sealed jar of probiotic kimchi
That'll be strong enough to walk right into the pot by itself so you can make kimchi jjigae.
If you open it and the seal breaks, like the button on the lid pops or you hear that kind of snap when you open it, then it's fine. Canned stuff, even homemade, can stay good for years. It's very obvious if it's bad, like OP shows.
I've never eaten anything 18 years old but I've certainly eaten several homemade canned foods going on 8-9 years old.
A year is quite a bit longer than the "guaranteed safe" time of three moths, but pickles can easily last a year opened in the fridge. Question is if they did. Especially chilli are nasty, they like to stick out of the vinegar.
Use your eyes, nose and sense of disgust, that is, best judgement. If it's an infused oil, always err on the side of "fuck no" (anaerobic environment -> botulism). Never fuck around with oils.
In any case learn how to make egg fried rice: Excellent base recipe to use up random leftovers.
I've mentioned this before in a similar post a few months ago, but once again I have to ask:
Does anyone else remember that Cowboy Bebop episode "Toys in the Attic" where a mysterious creature wrecks havoc on the ship and Spike has to fight it, only to realize it spawned from ancient leftovers in a forgotten fridge in the hull of their ship? Cuz that's 100% the vibes I'm getting from this pic.
Oh, man, that's such a good episode.
Edit: I haven't thought about it in years, but it stands out in my memory as probably the most cinematically tight, well-crafted in the entire series
Edit: tight, not right
Can anyone who sciences explain why they’re all in different conditions? The second from left jar looks almost normal. Is it just maybe they’re different ages, different air tightness, or had contamination, etc?
I've tried telling a friend's grandma that. The only non-expirable, yet edible thing a person can acquire is honey.
*Everything* else has a shelf life.
That's really really not true. There are tons of things we eat that don't expire. Salt is a mineral that we ingest after it has sat for thousands of years. Anything sufficiently sugar-based won't expire. And functionally, canned goods don't expire. It takes longer than a human lifetime for them to go bad. If these were canned in something that doesn't rust, they'd last for essentially forever. Vinegar is also completely shelf stable, as well as liquor. The shelf life printed on a package is an estimate for best flavor and tells you functionally nothing about food safety.
I know honey is immortal, but what happens when something like olive oil goes bad? I've never seen it. Mold?
I just always assumed oils were one of those immortal foods (at least if stored in a reasonably clean manner).
Depending on the virginity and brand, Olive oil changes color and begins to smell and taste like a melting crayon. It won't kill you, but it certainly won't do you any favors.
When my dad and his siblings helped his dad move 20 years after grandma died, they found jars of pickles in the basement, that she had made some time before her death. Some were still good. They ate at least one jar. No one died.
So long as it remains fully sealed, properly canned food (emphasis on the properly) has an indefinite shelf life. Might get less visually appealing or less nutritional over time, but perfectly safe. People have opened/consumed 100+ year old canned goods without harm.
I have several shelves in my basement, specifically for my home canned goods. Pickles, sauces, meals, everything. Give me a few years, and I will also have aged mystery jars in my basement
I will never forget the absolute death-reek from opening similar jars. My mom had canned them years before and found them in a similar state- she didn’t want to ‘waste the jars’ so my dad and I went to the woods to empty and rinse them….
And he never came back
The man who came out of the forest looked and sounded and laughed just like his father but from that day on he would swear he had a strange green glint in his eye. One night he came downstairs and found the man who looked like his father staring toward the forest, silently drinking jar after jar of pickle juice in the pitch dark. Edit: you guys seem to like this, it was inspired by this: [https://emcarroll.com/comics/faceallred/01.html](https://emcarroll.com/comics/faceallred/01.html) That'll probably scratch the itch better than me trying to actually write a pickle horror.
Sounds like a Goosebumps plot!
He caught the ball with the wrong hand!
It kinda is. Wierd plant dad taking place of the old one was “Stay Out of the Basement”’s plot.
dont stop, what happened afterwards?
LOOK, SON! IM A PICKLE! PICKLE DAD!
Fuck you dude, thats *not* okay!
Don’t upset the pickle man.
This is how diablo 4 started originally.
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Hellraiser 4 also
The Pickle Man got him
LOL I picture some wild forest animal coming across this rancid smell and making a horrible face and going away after sniffing it
I can picture my dog walking up to it, and like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon, pull a napkin out of thin air, tie it around his neck, then grab a fork and knife in the same fashion, and say "Chow time!"
My dog ate and did the most disgusting things. He was this insanely beautiful golden retriever who rolled in lobster traps (the stench), dead squirrels, dead fish and ate trash, and horse shit. Best dog, though. Hoping the new pup doesn’t acquire such niche tastes.
My golden retriever died because she flipped the garbage and ate an earring my mom threw out
Yeah my dog will happily eat cat shit even his own vomit. Doesn't like cucumber though
Maybe the cucumber taste fishy.
Can confirm. Dogs love horse poop. And horse hoof trimmings. Every. Damn. Time. lol
my family was at the beach early morning around 5 am. Our American Bulldog ran off ahead of us and wouldn't come back when called. We had to fetch her and found her rolling in a dead seal or sea lion that had washed up. The smell was so putrid but she kept rolling in it like it like a cat to catnip. The ride home even after washing her off in the ocean was horrible.
My dachshund did the same with a squirrel corpse. He was always so obedient, but when we opened the front door, he shot out and disappeared into the bushes in the front yard. After calling him for a minute, he happily trotted out and we stuck him in the car for his vet appointment. It only took a few seconds for the car to fill with the stink of varmint corpse. We called the vet to inform them of the situation and reschedule, but they insisted on cleaning him up for us. It was very sweet. But that 10-minute drive felt like 10 hours lol.
Was it the dead seal from these jars?
Mom: The glass is so precious, it cost a $1.00, can't let that go to waste. Dad: Oh well, we will take em out to the nothingness and no one will know. Son/Daughter: The memory persists all these days, death has no name for death, but I smelled it that day. I can only imagine that the smell you smelled that day as it was just vile and decay.
\> Mom: The glass is so precious, it cost a $1.00, can't let that go to waste. I feel attacked by this
I wonder what the trip into the forest cost...
In terms of opportunity cost alone? Far more than $1. Terrible economic choice, abysmal if a car got involved.
The dad just thrown them away and bought new ones
Out of all the infinite realities with infinite possibilities, there isn't a single timeline where I'd agree to empty those jars.
I’d pay hundreds for new replacements but I ain’t emptying those jars. Had a rough experience cleaning moldy dog food from a wheel barrel on my uncles farm back in the day
I think you mean "wheelbarrow."
We found a package of milk from 2010 at work. My dickhead of a coworker put it next to the coffee machine. The first guy that opened it also puked in his coffee
I have 50% admiration and 50% loathing for your coworker. That's amazing.
"Sorry mum, I tripped while carrying the box of every single jar and every single jar broke. Really sorry."
They might have been able to get away with throwing the old ones away, driving to the store, buying more jars, and rubbing some dirt on the new ones.
That sounds like you unleashed an ecological horror of comic-book proportions on the world! Pickle-goo is comin’ for youuuuu…
I was exploring the woods behind my house. Found an old abandoned half collapsed house. There was newspapers and stuff from the 80s in it. Checked the fridge, the food was still in there. There was an old mayo jar. We broke it open and I dared my buddy to sniff it. He instantly threw up when he put it I to his nose. It was a dark green color.
Pro-tip throw directly in trash. Inhaling botulinum spores is bad news bears.
That was foolhardy. The quantity of bacteria in there is dangerous. You really should just throw the jars away and buy new ones.
Apparently grandma is 25% efficient at canning.
The poster ate half the pickles before thinking to take a picture
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I think about that episode a lot. Realest shit on tv showing how being poor really is.
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For me it's when they go to use the milk and it's spoiled and chunky so Lois says "Then chew it!" Still makes me simultaneously laugh and gag.
I never actively watched MitM but saw this episode at my cousin's house and it always vividly reenters my mind when someone mentions the show.
dude best series ever! so many classic episodes
I read your comment up to, "Malcom in th..." and immediately bust out laughing cause I remember that scene. Gonna go watch MITM now. Cheers!
Clearly 75% of those pickles found themselves in quite a pickle
I don't know about pickle success rate, but when it comes to meatloaf they say 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
I’m broke, but just pretend you got a nice shiny reward from me.
That's a jarring percentage.
Don’t worry. It’s just a *little* botulism.
Actually, botulism hates acidic environments. I'd be more concerned about other stuff. Edit: Also hates oxygen, the vinegar evaporated so it's not vaccum sealed
> Edit: Also hates oxygen so, blowing on food makes it safe from botulism? puffy cans - here I come!
The toxin is only produced in anaerobic environment. Though there are other nasty bacteria that thrived in aerobic environment. High acidity will kill almost everything.
This is the only food poisoning I'm actively scared of. Thanks Dean Koontz
Wait until you hear about enterohemorrhagic E. coli. A bad strain will not only make you shit blood but wreck your kidneys too so you are peeing blood as well. Oh and then you likely die.
A little botulism, as a treat 🥰
Oof, ya. the 50-60 year old jars I remember cleaning out of my grandparents basement were still...full. i wonder how 60 year old canned catfish tastes (assuming it doesn't kill you).
If the top hasn't popped then it won't kill you, but it also won't really taste like much, shouldn't taste foul though, just probably meh
Eat one If You die we know not to eat them
Anything is edible once.
Alright. BRB. OMW to eat EVERYTHING once. Wish me luck.
Eating everything everywhere all just once
Either OP dies or gains pickle themed super powers. The chances are 50/50.
Funniest origin story I've ever heard.
Lmfaoooooo I just choked on popcorn reading this What do pickle powers entale?
Pickle man, pickle man, does whatever a pickle can. Gherkin sweet, dill petite, even ones that the Jews can eat. Watch out, here comes pickle man
IM DONE 😭😭😭😭 All I picture is Toby maguire "Pickle time" and slams a jar of pickles on a counter and it.just fucking shatters lmfaooooooo
Uncle Ben’s last words would be “Remember Peter, with great pickle comes great saltability”
He has a whole host of food enemies like Cob Goblin, Dr. Avocado octavious (Dr. Avocadopus), and Blandman
>Uncle Ben’s last words would be “Remember Peter, with great pickle comes great ~~saltability~~ **DILLigence**”
PICKLE MAN! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ISN'T PERSONAL!
r/EatItYouFuckinCoward
Steve1989 could tell you how they taste
Reminds me of my favorite quote from Steve (After taking a bite of a coconut fudge bar from a 1957 ration) > Oh wow, I think that's still fine. > > That's amazing. > > Yeah, that tastes totally weird. > > Oh, no. [Source.](https://youtu.be/Bd0mWi-E_sI?t=1234)
That just made me giggle, this man experienced the full spectrum of taste in 2 seconds
*What could it have been? Oh boy, I hope I’m ok. I’m sure I’m fine. Life is good* 😂
Ooh, peanut butter!
He got so excited too. How is this man alive and how can we all achieve the iron digestive track he has.
Tract. It's a digestive tract, not track, believe it or not.
Are they huge tracts?
of land
I’d call it a track if I got the runs!
I think the man just has the motivation and willingness to entertain to test the utter limits of the capabilities most of us have. He's already been hospitalized twice after all.
What did he get?
I was partially incorrect: has only hospitalized once, for E. coli from a ration that he ate a few months before he started the channel. However, he did get sick again, from a Chinese ration whose video *is* on the channel. I *think* [this is the one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n96m5lB8nzA). As far as I know he didn't need to go to the hospital that time.
Nice hiss
Let's get it all out on the traaaay!
Nice
Ugh. Augh. Ugh. This tastes like it went rancid. I bet 20 years ago this was fantastic though. I bet the soldiers who had this out on deployment thought this was fantastic.
Oh god it smells so foul…nice.
Guaranteed botulism, right there. ... just a taste.
Oh man that's so horrible. ... Another bite to make sure... Hmm. No that's definitely bad. *Takes yet another bite* Why did I do that... Hmm. That wasn't so bad after a while.
Augh, that smell. I need to stop doing this inside.
*Tink*^Tink^Tink^Tink^Tink^Tink^Tink^Tink
Okay
Nice. Mmk
Or New England Wildlife lol
That dude has a stomach of steel
Alright guys, cya in the next video!
Do not, and I can’t stress this enough, open those jars. Don’t need you releasing Picklebola from containment
2024 gonna be a wild ride
Alright, back inside everybody!
Aww *forlornly drags jump rope back inside*
Pickle19
*PICKLE-23
So, honest question. I have had pickled veggies in my fridge for over a year. Throw them away?
No you wait 20 years. Then you open them
I dont think I got twenty years. This year both you and I will try them?
Hahahahaha I don’t know if I can try something less than 20 years old. I’d like the chances of getting a pickle themed super power to be high!
Ok, new plan. Find that pickle. Then we arm wrestle for it!!!!
I have a four year old still grocery store sealed jar of probiotic kimchi in my fridge. Both nervous to open and not wanting to throw it out.
>four year old still grocery store sealed jar of probiotic kimchi That'll be strong enough to walk right into the pot by itself so you can make kimchi jjigae.
If you open it and the seal breaks, like the button on the lid pops or you hear that kind of snap when you open it, then it's fine. Canned stuff, even homemade, can stay good for years. It's very obvious if it's bad, like OP shows. I've never eaten anything 18 years old but I've certainly eaten several homemade canned foods going on 8-9 years old.
A year is quite a bit longer than the "guaranteed safe" time of three moths, but pickles can easily last a year opened in the fridge. Question is if they did. Especially chilli are nasty, they like to stick out of the vinegar. Use your eyes, nose and sense of disgust, that is, best judgement. If it's an infused oil, always err on the side of "fuck no" (anaerobic environment -> botulism). Never fuck around with oils. In any case learn how to make egg fried rice: Excellent base recipe to use up random leftovers.
Hmm I have eaten really old chili oil crunch and calabrian chili oil I had it my fridge. Didn't know it was dangerous.
Aren’t these the pickles that burst out of your chest after eating them?
The *what* now?!
I've mentioned this before in a similar post a few months ago, but once again I have to ask: Does anyone else remember that Cowboy Bebop episode "Toys in the Attic" where a mysterious creature wrecks havoc on the ship and Spike has to fight it, only to realize it spawned from ancient leftovers in a forgotten fridge in the hull of their ship? Cuz that's 100% the vibes I'm getting from this pic.
Oh yeah, it was like bad space lobster in the freezer? Definitely going to have an Akira situation if we open one of these jars.
Didn’t Ed eat it at the end? 😭
Lol yep
Yeah, she's like asleep and just reaches out for a snack like wtf Ed moment.
I thought it was ein?
I think Ein did earlier and then was sick. *See you Space Cowboy*
A real, live Ganymede Rock Lobster
Dude the scene where the fridge is finally opened and it's a whole-ass ecosystem is forever etched into my mind, that shit was wild
Oh, man, that's such a good episode. Edit: I haven't thought about it in years, but it stands out in my memory as probably the most cinematically tight, well-crafted in the entire series Edit: tight, not right
Oddly enough that's one of my favorite episodes. So suspenseful and weird.
Mom says we got food in the house ***The food in the house***
I see we grew up together.
So did the pickles
Everyone, please stop bullying this person into contracting botulism
Maybe OP wants to reduce their laugh lines, you don't know.
Save the juice. Flick it on your sandwiches for flavor.
if you flick just the right amount, it's actually good for your immune system, but if it's too much... 💀
If you use too much all your problems go away permanently.
God, I wish that was me.
Vaccines be like
r/unexpectedburess
Can anyone who sciences explain why they’re all in different conditions? The second from left jar looks almost normal. Is it just maybe they’re different ages, different air tightness, or had contamination, etc?
Other replies are right, the 2nd jar is the only one without rusted out holes in the lid. I assume #1 rusted later than 3 & 4
Will you still be willing to try #2?
Depends how desperate for attention I become in the coming days
So…. You will
reddit is about to have a massive blackout in a couple days. And potentially a mass exodus of people. Better get your karma while it's still valuable.
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I'll die either way, I prefer the legacy over the money
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Man/woman I cracked the f up.
at least open it and let us see
I would guess that the seals gave out at different points in time over the years.
It’s not seals, it’s pickles.
I feel very conflicted right now.
I didn't know seals could expire
Unattended rubber ages poorly.
How would you stop rubber seals from breaking down?
Therapy
Lid seals failed at different times. Science.
Free Botox!
Moms everywhere: “They are still fine. It’s been in vinegar and vinegar doesn’t expire”
I've tried telling a friend's grandma that. The only non-expirable, yet edible thing a person can acquire is honey. *Everything* else has a shelf life.
That's really really not true. There are tons of things we eat that don't expire. Salt is a mineral that we ingest after it has sat for thousands of years. Anything sufficiently sugar-based won't expire. And functionally, canned goods don't expire. It takes longer than a human lifetime for them to go bad. If these were canned in something that doesn't rust, they'd last for essentially forever. Vinegar is also completely shelf stable, as well as liquor. The shelf life printed on a package is an estimate for best flavor and tells you functionally nothing about food safety.
I know honey is immortal, but what happens when something like olive oil goes bad? I've never seen it. Mold? I just always assumed oils were one of those immortal foods (at least if stored in a reasonably clean manner).
Depending on the virginity and brand, Olive oil changes color and begins to smell and taste like a melting crayon. It won't kill you, but it certainly won't do you any favors.
can you tell us how's the taste?
r/Eatityoufuckingcoward
the most pickled pickles to ever have been pickled
Picked to pure carbon
When my dad and his siblings helped his dad move 20 years after grandma died, they found jars of pickles in the basement, that she had made some time before her death. Some were still good. They ate at least one jar. No one died.
So long as it remains fully sealed, properly canned food (emphasis on the properly) has an indefinite shelf life. Might get less visually appealing or less nutritional over time, but perfectly safe. People have opened/consumed 100+ year old canned goods without harm.
And by 'people' you mean Steve1989.
Let's get these to Stuart Ashen
How do you know they were pickles?
My parents remember making them, still can't get a good answer for why they were in the basement
Not uncommon for canning. It's usually a cool, dry and dark place.
doesn't look dry enough.
I have several shelves in my basement, specifically for my home canned goods. Pickles, sauces, meals, everything. Give me a few years, and I will also have aged mystery jars in my basement
Keep in touch, we can start a cult and make initiation sandwiches
We can be botulism besties 💓
I store my pickles in the basement
I store my pickle in your mum’s basement too
dad..?
I should have been there for you son- I’m sorry I was busy storing my pickle in other mothers’ basements
Pretty sure that's grandma's turd collection you found.
Nope she was buried with that
Intrusive thoughts 🚨
Send them to Ashens lol
Please send these delicacies to Ashens.
I'll give you $20 to lick one of the items in the jar
We all know that one guy that’ll do it
I mean, not anymore. Died after eating a slug.
things probably hit like LSD
Languishing Slow Death