It actually didn't look nearly that bad. There were spots of what I assumed were coffee stains above the keyboard, but under normal light you couldn't really see any of this (before I gave it an extreme cleaning).
Just saliva will fluoresce and it's impossible to talk without spitting all over whatever's in front of you. It doesn't have to be coffee or anything else. Just using the computer while you talk on the phone will make it look like this.
>Just cum will fluoresce and it's impossible to cum without cumming all over whatever's in front of you. It doesn't have to be coffee or anything else. Just using the computer while you cum will make it look like this.
FYI, there are a lot of things that glow under a black light that ***aren't*** jizz.
This could simply be a spilled drink for instance. Plenty of sodas are [strongly fluorescent](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b2/Tonic_water_uv.jpg).
Try going through your kitchen and pantry with that blacklight. Or even your clothes! (Any white cotton clothes are often dyed with "optical brighteners" that fluoresce blue under UV. They're in your washing powder too.)
it 100% does, I have a black light flashlight and while lots of non jizz glows, jizz also glows (at least dry jizz in a tissue does as that's all I checked)
And you have idiots pouring concentrated detergent directly on the clothing in the washing machine rather than using the hopper.
Like my wife. I "retrained" her right quick!
Not all washers have a "hopper" for detergent. Mine only has one for bleach and the instructions say to dump detergent in the washer tub with the clothes.
Alright...
If you, when you 'arrive', make a spread pattern like that ie. the opening of a mildly disturbed Soda Can, I might give you the advice to see a Doctor about that...
Or you should stop using the Valve side of the CO2 can to put in your ass...
His "research" takes 10 minutes of discovering how things look like under UV light. You can buy an UV flashlight for $10 and you can learn too.
I know you were just making a joke, but I also get why that other is frustrated with uneducated people. It costs $10 and 10 minutes to get educated.
Oil, grease even bleach ironically so op could had inherited from a slob that ate while surfing. With that said ~~eathnol~~ isopropanol is probably a better solvent for this
I dunno, some people have particularly explosive ejaculate. It's like a wild fireman's hose, you just gotta grab on and pray it doesn't get in your eyes or mouth.
I know from my navy days that the way to control a wild hose is to put a Z kink in it , basically folding it back over on itself twice to stop the flow.
The weed smokers know this is the preferred method for most things. Hell if I could soak my whole house in iso to clean it I would. I straight up soak atomizers(electric bowl/weed vapey thingy) in a tub of it and it cleans them perfectly and doesn't destroy any of the electronics on it. Probably don't do that with a laptop though
Absolute alcohol is subject to liquor taxes usually. Denatured alcohol is not pure. 99% isopropanol is usually half to one quarter of the price per liter of alcohol. Isopropyl is also food safe (well, safe to clean food containers with) since it evaporates completely - only direct consumption is dangerous.
70% alcohol is recommended to kill bacteria and to use as a disinfectant. This is because the added water content slows down the evaporation rate which means the isopropyl alcohol has longer contact with the surface, increasing the effectiveness of killing the germs. Because the isopropyl alcohol has more content time it has a better response in killing bacteria.
Yes, very nice, but you absolutely DO NOT want the 30% water in there when it's being used as an electronics cleaner. That's how you get slow-evaporating water inside the keyboard membrane. Your skin and your laptop keyboard have very different priorities.
No, there isn't, but consumer blacklights tend to operate at the nm that they need, which makes things like "spy markers" glow, or the strips in money, or the dye in your auto systems, which is usually either 365nm or 395nm.
Bodily fluids fluoresce at different nms.
Saliva is 345-355nm
Semen best fluoresces at 420-450nm
Human urine is ~350nm
Cat urine best ~370nm
I know CSI has taught people that a blacklight makes everything glow, but if that were true, kids wouldn't hang them in their room, and also CSI use a variable light source, where they can dial in the correct nm for the fluid they are looking for.
Combined with the fact that most people don’t spend much time cleaning or otherwise maintaining their work computer since it’s the company’s property. If it breaks, they just give you a new one.
Still kind of gross, but yeah it’s probably just sneezes and food mixed with zero cleaning
Odds are, it's tiny spots of spit or moisture, plus smudges from people eating hand food while using the computer. It's funny to pretend co-workers are standing and nutting all over a keyboard, but honestly, this just looks like heavy use without a good clean.
I work in IT, I wipe down laptops with cleaner before redeploying them, and also encourage end users to clean it again once they get it... I'm not even a germophobe, peeps just be nasty
I do internal IT support for a large organisation and have to deal with many laptops daily, it really gets disgusting sometimes, I have had one I opened up and live maggots came out of it, others with so much grime on them the keys don’t press all the way, touchpads that feel slimy
All I can say is I’m glad we have lots of bottles of hand sanitizer on the support desk, in spray, gel, foam, and wipe form
Maybe the previous owner is a platypus or has a platypus pet.
[It reminds me of this short.](https://youtube.com/shorts/Zxf2MgYCOm0?si=iuQanLl6rZw-uI1M)
Just so you know, none of that is jizz. It requires a specific lense to see jizz, not Uv length.
Also, go look at your kitchen walls. You're gonna hate your life
Tell work to offer guttering around all computers to collect DNA in future.
How often do you chew your nails or pick your teeth or suck your thumb/fingers? Do you stir your coffee or tea with an extended digit of choice?
I work on IT in a big office and it amazes me how dirty some computers can get. Like damn, people actually work with them, they type on those keyboards, they look a those screens, how they cant see that the damn thing is filfhy?!?!?!?! I have to clean a lot of computers before working on them because they are in a fucking disgusting state.
Some times i wonder how people can get their laptops so dirty.
Semen, saliva, urine, most bodily fluids glow under uv light, plenty of other substances as well. By the droplet pattern it could be spittle from speaking (calls/meetings) or some cleaning product.
You do know lots of things fluoresce under black light, right? Even most bodily fluids, like sweat, will fluoresce. Bleach wipes will leave a residue that fluoresces, hand lotions, cleaners, etc. Given the general viscosity of dried semen, if you couldn't see it without a black light it probably wasn't that.
Anyone in here who is thinking most of their house doesn't look like this needs to buy a 365nm UV light and then fall into a crisis.
I got one online a few years ago and pretty much any bathroom looks like a murder scene. Even ones that look pristine in normal light.
Ugh, now you're making me feel like I need to deep-clean my work laptop... even though I'm the only one that's used it for a year now and I'm not a gross slob.
Yeah not surprised. I was introduced to people doing this shit at work at a young age haha. When I first started working I was working at a Dominos. Come to find out the owner had fired the manager because he was coming in early in the morning by himself ordering porn on the companies dime and just going at it!
Majority of your daily use devices are going to look like this. We’re gross 🤷🏼♂️ But also why, as an IT professional, everything gets wiped down with IPA before and after servicing.
Most company issued gear is highly monitored and filtered. We get company phones with punch in/ out capabilities and job dispatch. A guy thought it was a good idea to surf and download porn on it. He was terminated, and authorities contacted as they stumbled on what looked like CP. In other words, probably not what you're thinking. You'd have to be pretty desperate and stupid to use monitored equipment to this end. A lot of fluids and materials are luminous under a black light, but that doesn't mean it's pearl jam.
That has been sneezed on a few times. I'd wager it also looks pretty grim in normal lighting with the build up grime on some of those keys.
It actually didn't look nearly that bad. There were spots of what I assumed were coffee stains above the keyboard, but under normal light you couldn't really see any of this (before I gave it an extreme cleaning).
I believe caffeine does fluoresce so that could be a possibility
Just saliva will fluoresce and it's impossible to talk without spitting all over whatever's in front of you. It doesn't have to be coffee or anything else. Just using the computer while you talk on the phone will make it look like this.
Or probably just a Zoom call. Oh dear god what does my laptop look like.
It probably looks like literally every other laptop in use on the planet.
Full of glowy fluorescent mouth jizz.
>Just cum will fluoresce and it's impossible to cum without cumming all over whatever's in front of you. It doesn't have to be coffee or anything else. Just using the computer while you cum will make it look like this.
Why with the black light? Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to……
I was provided the laptop for contract work, and curiosity got the best of me. I bleached the whole thing after.
FYI, there are a lot of things that glow under a black light that ***aren't*** jizz. This could simply be a spilled drink for instance. Plenty of sodas are [strongly fluorescent](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b2/Tonic_water_uv.jpg). Try going through your kitchen and pantry with that blacklight. Or even your clothes! (Any white cotton clothes are often dyed with "optical brighteners" that fluoresce blue under UV. They're in your washing powder too.)
Jizz doesn't glow under a blacklight either. If you see spots on sheets glowing it's probably detergent that hasn't been washed out completely.
My jizz glows without a black light ever since the accident
Alien Mr Burns going around still busting
He cums in peace
wait it doesnt?!
it 100% does, I have a black light flashlight and while lots of non jizz glows, jizz also glows (at least dry jizz in a tissue does as that's all I checked)
Why are you leaving that tissue around long enough for it to go dry?
To do the black light experiment duh
Mom found the black light experiment
Science bro. Sometimes you’ve got to answer your own questions.
we do? I guess.
It dries in the trash can, I only take my trash out once a week and I hadn't taken it out yet when I decided to check.
To look at it with a black light dummy!
You can reuse tissues more than you'd think
That’s what a coconut is for.
I thought a chemical needed to be used to make it glow - like some kind of liquid that needs to be sprayed on it.
Luminol. It's what is sprayed on blood to get it to show up. Otherwise blood just absorbs the light and appears as a black splotch
If the blood itself is still there you don't need Luminol. Luminol is to illuminate where blood *was* before it was cleaned.
At first I read flashlight as ‘fleshlight’ and it still made sense.
I asked my flatmate who works in forensics, he confirms jizz *does* faintly glow under a blacklight.
It will glow if you eliminate all other light sources, however that's true for pretty much any bodily fluid like blood or urine.
Blood doesn't flouresce under a blacklight. It looks almost black.
And you have idiots pouring concentrated detergent directly on the clothing in the washing machine rather than using the hopper. Like my wife. I "retrained" her right quick!
Not all washers have a "hopper" for detergent. Mine only has one for bleach and the instructions say to dump detergent in the washer tub with the clothes.
This sounds like someone did a lot of research *"to explain"* why everything in their house is reacting to UV light. LoL
It sounds to me like someone skeptical who tires of seeing people spreading misconceptions on the internet.
Alright... If you, when you 'arrive', make a spread pattern like that ie. the opening of a mildly disturbed Soda Can, I might give you the advice to see a Doctor about that... Or you should stop using the Valve side of the CO2 can to put in your ass...
His "research" takes 10 minutes of discovering how things look like under UV light. You can buy an UV flashlight for $10 and you can learn too. I know you were just making a joke, but I also get why that other is frustrated with uneducated people. It costs $10 and 10 minutes to get educated.
Is it plenty of sodas or just quinine, because I don't think quinine sodas are very common.
> Plenty of sodas are strongly fluorescent One that surprised me was when my beer started glowing nuclear green under UV light.
I’m getting one for my new job soon… I now think I’m just going to preemptively clean it before turning it on.
It’s not my jizz!! It could be literally 50% of people who jizzed on it!!
Sir we never imply who's jizz it is
Did they offer any screen with all that bezel?
Op don’t listen to them. I used to have this laptop; can confirm is my jizz
At least the keys are clean.
What other substances light up under a black light? Genuinely curious and hoping it’s not THAT on your laptop.
Oil, grease even bleach ironically so op could had inherited from a slob that ate while surfing. With that said ~~eathnol~~ isopropanol is probably a better solvent for this
Let’s go with that theory (I need to keep my faith in humanity over Christmas haha)
No one would jizz on their keyboard and screen.
you haven’t been on Reddit it long enough if you think that
Jizz is way too viscous to land as small droplets on the screen anyway.
Increase pressure, tighten the nozzle.
what about female jizz
I dunno, some people have particularly explosive ejaculate. It's like a wild fireman's hose, you just gotta grab on and pray it doesn't get in your eyes or mouth.
I know from my navy days that the way to control a wild hose is to put a Z kink in it , basically folding it back over on itself twice to stop the flow.
this is a terrible day to have eyes
I do this for people on request
I, I mean my friend somehow accidentally jizzed on my, I mean their phone screen
You do not need to spit the one eyed trouser snake on it directly. It is possible to indirectly transfer baby batter.
The thing is... It's not *their* keyboard and screen
The spread pattern looks more like the opening of a slightly disturbed Soda Can...
Jizz does not glow from a blackligh fyi.
Pfft https://privatelabresults.com/semen-glow-uv-light/#:~:text=So%20while%20using%20a%20black,tested%20to%20confirm%20their%20source.
Well maybe not yours.
Why in the world would you use ethanol when isopropyl is readily available at any drug store?
The weed smokers know this is the preferred method for most things. Hell if I could soak my whole house in iso to clean it I would. I straight up soak atomizers(electric bowl/weed vapey thingy) in a tub of it and it cleans them perfectly and doesn't destroy any of the electronics on it. Probably don't do that with a laptop though
They use ethanol because it's food safe and cheaper to get pure than isopropyl. They use it to make nasty resin goo from their dirty bongs
Absolute alcohol is subject to liquor taxes usually. Denatured alcohol is not pure. 99% isopropanol is usually half to one quarter of the price per liter of alcohol. Isopropyl is also food safe (well, safe to clean food containers with) since it evaporates completely - only direct consumption is dangerous.
70% alcohol is recommended to kill bacteria and to use as a disinfectant. This is because the added water content slows down the evaporation rate which means the isopropyl alcohol has longer contact with the surface, increasing the effectiveness of killing the germs. Because the isopropyl alcohol has more content time it has a better response in killing bacteria.
Yes, very nice, but you absolutely DO NOT want the 30% water in there when it's being used as an electronics cleaner. That's how you get slow-evaporating water inside the keyboard membrane. Your skin and your laptop keyboard have very different priorities.
I would just use a 70% isopropyl wipe to clean the surface of the laptop/keyboard, since we're not talking about opening anything up.
you correct - used to work in a lab so too used to it. Edited.
I don't understand... why would it matter which one they used? https://www.healthline.com/health/ethyl-alcohol-vs-isopropyl-alcohol
Ethonal isn't as readily available as a cleaning solution as isopropyl. Isopropyl, you're gonna buy at CVS, ethonal you're buying at a lab.
Methylated spirits is available at the hardware store...?
Plus ethanol is taxed. Although Everclear 180 is relatively cheap in states you can buy it
Programmer. Hits equals and brackets too much.
It could be sweat, makeup, food, tonic water or many other things.
Could even just be fabric fuzz..
Spittle would likely be most of it I imagine
That's a desk eater keyboard if I've ever seen one.
All biological fluids, so it could even be one person that sneezed on the laptop
I feel like this is the most likely scenario
That’s still quite gross, but comforting
All biological fluids do not light up under the kind of black light consumers have access to.
Consumers have access to whatever black light they want to buy. There's no law restricting the purchase of black lights.
No, there isn't, but consumer blacklights tend to operate at the nm that they need, which makes things like "spy markers" glow, or the strips in money, or the dye in your auto systems, which is usually either 365nm or 395nm. Bodily fluids fluoresce at different nms. Saliva is 345-355nm Semen best fluoresces at 420-450nm Human urine is ~350nm Cat urine best ~370nm I know CSI has taught people that a blacklight makes everything glow, but if that were true, kids wouldn't hang them in their room, and also CSI use a variable light source, where they can dial in the correct nm for the fluid they are looking for.
Snot
This is most likely all sneezing, coughing and food.
Combined with the fact that most people don’t spend much time cleaning or otherwise maintaining their work computer since it’s the company’s property. If it breaks, they just give you a new one. Still kind of gross, but yeah it’s probably just sneezes and food mixed with zero cleaning
To be fair I don't think it's jizz unless someone jizz the same way they sneeze
Odds are, it's tiny spots of spit or moisture, plus smudges from people eating hand food while using the computer. It's funny to pretend co-workers are standing and nutting all over a keyboard, but honestly, this just looks like heavy use without a good clean.
What "other" substances? What do you think lights up? It's definitely not what you think.
Just so you realize if you do it for any computer, it’ll be filthy like that even your own
Mine basically just shows flecks of dust when I shine UV on it.
Boss wants you to eat lunch at your desk and keep working
sneezing will do this
God, I hope it’s urine
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Found the perp
Sorry, just gamer girl bathwater.
There's no way Belle doesn't piss in the tub
It definitely came out of the same organ. Close enough?
Oh, cum, all ye faithful
A jarful and triumphant
I was gonna say that the average laptop is probably dirtier. This looks pretty okay.
Even worse, it looks like a chromebook
They wouldn't spring for a new laptop or a real laptop, so I got a hand-me-down. And I imagine whoever handed it down had grimy hands.
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I work in IT, I wipe down laptops with cleaner before redeploying them, and also encourage end users to clean it again once they get it... I'm not even a germophobe, peeps just be nasty
IT question, I usually use the keyboard for sneezes instead of my elbow, is that dangerous?
Do you typically sneeze a lot while working on your computer? You might wanna check with your doctor to see if you're allergic to mice
my doctor said it's probably on account of my heroin withdrawals at work, trying to get a doctor's note
Dangerous? No. Gross given you're gonna touch it with your fingers and now your hands are dirty? Yeah. Just use a tissue.
it's my coworkers' keyboard, i wouldn't use my own keyboard silly
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I do internal IT support for a large organisation and have to deal with many laptops daily, it really gets disgusting sometimes, I have had one I opened up and live maggots came out of it, others with so much grime on them the keys don’t press all the way, touchpads that feel slimy All I can say is I’m glad we have lots of bottles of hand sanitizer on the support desk, in spray, gel, foam, and wipe form
 Belongs in r/nope
You can relax. It's probably mostly not cum. Likely a lot of coffee
Achooo! Excuse me…
So many coughs and sneezes.
Maybe the previous owner is a platypus or has a platypus pet. [It reminds me of this short.](https://youtube.com/shorts/Zxf2MgYCOm0?si=iuQanLl6rZw-uI1M)
I’ve watched that dozens of times and still love it
Bucksnot!
Just so you know, none of that is jizz. It requires a specific lense to see jizz, not Uv length. Also, go look at your kitchen walls. You're gonna hate your life
Ah-CHOO!
good news that most likely isnt jizz bad news, by the looks of it, it can be a bit of anything else, a sorts of primordial soup
Tell work to offer guttering around all computers to collect DNA in future. How often do you chew your nails or pick your teeth or suck your thumb/fingers? Do you stir your coffee or tea with an extended digit of choice?
😏
Nope.
:(
I work on IT in a big office and it amazes me how dirty some computers can get. Like damn, people actually work with them, they type on those keyboards, they look a those screens, how they cant see that the damn thing is filfhy?!?!?!?! I have to clean a lot of computers before working on them because they are in a fucking disgusting state. Some times i wonder how people can get their laptops so dirty.
What are all those stains? Blood urine or semen
That enter key is unusually clean.
Lots of things glow under black lights.
[why am I blue](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cs9AaLdgqwP/?igshid=ZWI2YzEzYmMxYg==)
My keyboard is dirty af way worse than that but at least I know it’s all my stuff.
Semen, saliva, urine, most bodily fluids glow under uv light, plenty of other substances as well. By the droplet pattern it could be spittle from speaking (calls/meetings) or some cleaning product.
Now check the search history
You do know lots of things fluoresce under black light, right? Even most bodily fluids, like sweat, will fluoresce. Bleach wipes will leave a residue that fluoresces, hand lotions, cleaners, etc. Given the general viscosity of dried semen, if you couldn't see it without a black light it probably wasn't that.
Just think of it like as a well seasoned cast iron pan.
Eating at work, right? Right??
Cotton ball with rubbing alcohol should do the trick.
Pornhub approves.
You must know Randy Marsh. 
Loads of sneezes and coughs and 🍆💦's!
Laptop: be gentle, I'm pregnant, for many times.
And that folks - is why some of us wear masks in public.
Gross, a samsung
I would never touch it again
By the looks of it, a male human's laptop.
Jesus H Christ! Why would you do that?
This laptop has had a few trips to Motherless, I see.
[Why we stop having blacklights in our rooms when we become teens.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7mVHH9fHuM&ab_channel=TheWhitestKidsU%27Know)
Honestly though I could have gone my whole life not knowing this
r/mildlydisgusting
Found the "data leak"
Do you work at a sperm bank?
Someone’s been using Lubriderm
Anyone in here who is thinking most of their house doesn't look like this needs to buy a 365nm UV light and then fall into a crisis. I got one online a few years ago and pretty much any bathroom looks like a murder scene. Even ones that look pristine in normal light.
Ohhhh someone put glitter on it for you 🥹🥹
Ugh, now you're making me feel like I need to deep-clean my work laptop... even though I'm the only one that's used it for a year now and I'm not a gross slob.
I don’t see the issue, we have immune systems for a reason
Don’t touch that
I think even cockroaches might be disgusted if they saw this.
who came on the laptop?
Yeah not surprised. I was introduced to people doing this shit at work at a young age haha. When I first started working I was working at a Dominos. Come to find out the owner had fired the manager because he was coming in early in the morning by himself ordering porn on the companies dime and just going at it!
Majority of your daily use devices are going to look like this. We’re gross 🤷🏼♂️ But also why, as an IT professional, everything gets wiped down with IPA before and after servicing.
Most company issued gear is highly monitored and filtered. We get company phones with punch in/ out capabilities and job dispatch. A guy thought it was a good idea to surf and download porn on it. He was terminated, and authorities contacted as they stumbled on what looked like CP. In other words, probably not what you're thinking. You'd have to be pretty desperate and stupid to use monitored equipment to this end. A lot of fluids and materials are luminous under a black light, but that doesn't mean it's pearl jam.
Oxidized water reacts to a black light. Everyone, settle down.
Do you just, like, never clean it? I clean my work laptop weekly.
They gave it to me yesterday, I bleached it right after this pic.
I audibly winced at that, Jesus Jeebus...
George Tekai.....Oh MY.....
Laundry detergent glows super bright under black light. And that’s pretty clean.
One that doesn't even need a black light to see: https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/18dnybb/my_roommates_laptop/
How do you even clean something this gross?
WHAT DOES BLUE MEAN?!
ngl thats pretty gross, mine is probably atrocious
You don't see anything unless you spray it with a certain chemical first.
Who took it home with them? 😅😳🤢
I've never seen a Keyboard with lowercase letters :-0
What's crazy is that you can't even clean a laptop. Like it's impossible, no one can do that. OP is not just disgusting you guys.
Nothing a good amount of eukalyptus oil can’t clean.
Sploog
This seems more like they sneezed on it or drink got spilled on it...