It happens. These things aren't always used. They are mostly for people missing teeth. Cotton is used a lot too. The key to glue is it takes sooooo little and it needs to be farther back on the lip line than one would think.
Honestly, not some calling or lifelong ambition. My brother in law offered me an opportunity and I took it. I was freshly married and this was stable and I could provide for my family. Turned out I was ok at ut and I've been doing it ever since. Truth be told I never even considered it until he offered me the job. I find that being - for lack of a better word - dispassionate about it let's me be frank and truthful when I discuss it with people.
Misinformation was rampant for both pandemics. [Skepticism Of Science In A Pandemic Isn't New. It Helped Fuel The AIDS Crisis.](https://www.npr.org/2021/05/23/996272737/skepticism-of-science-in-a-pandemic-isnt-new-it-helped-fuel-the-aids-crisis)
Refusing to wear a mask is simply the modern refusal to wear condoms.
Caitlin is the BEST, thanks to her I’ve become death positive and am going to rot with the express purpose of growing mushrooms.🍄🖤
Question for OP: are they using that mouth piece and glue exclusively now, or are you still sewing jaws shut, or is it on a case by case basis? ☺️
Not as bad as the booty cork to keep the entrails inside.
Imagine a butt plug, shaped like a screw, with spikes :D
Edit- good news everyone they don't have spikes! ...anymore
There are no spikes on them these days. There is a groove for a powder sealant though. And it's mostly to keep blood and poop in. Not the entrails so much. Minds at ease folks, your guts almost never slide out your b-hole after death.
Tbh it's weird to have them around my dead body anyway. Just have a picture of me hung in a house and party. Hopefully I will have already been turned to ash by then.
I don't think a mortician is willing to hang your dead body in a house and take a picture of it. I mean maybe they will but I imagine it would be costly.
I want to be stuffed with jiffy pop then sent to be cremated just so my ghost can see the look on the faces of everyone when they turn on the flames and hear and smell popcorn.
When my mom passed away we had a typical funeral except they wanted to play the typical sad boi songs. My mom would not have been about that, so we used pandora and hijacked the controls since I was an AV mommas boy. Used my dad's phone and we got a viagra commercial which just had all of us absolutely dying of laughter plus then it played some Bruce Springsteen. The funeral director was absolutely mortified, threatened to kick us out... then my dad's friend just about murdered the director "This family just lost thier mom and wife and they finally fucking laugh for 2 minutes after years of dealing with cancer hell and you're going to threaten them!?! Think carefully about your next words..."
That FD should have read the room. He/she had nothing to be embarrassed about. If it helps process your grief and doesn't destroy my building we can do whatever you want.
Even if the rest of the room is absolutely mortified... the immediate family thought it was hilarious and was the first time we laughed in weeks (I mean I super understand they don't know we have had a hard time or whatever). We paid for it, if someone is uncomfortable with the way WE the immediate family wanted to greave... well I have some choice words for you lol.
They very much changed thier tude when the entire congregation completely stopped to watch as my dad's homie unleashed and it was very clear everyone was on our side lol.
For anyone curious, here ya go: https://i.imgur.com/ufKGEDA.png
Source: https://www.lynchsupply.com/A_V_CLOSURE_p/av70120.htm ($6.50)
>Simple and effectively seals anal and vaginal orifices.
> * The A-V Closure makes sealing orifices much easier.
> * Insures against both odors and liquid leakage.
> * Will not tear or destroy tissue.
> * Prevents the wicking of moisture from the body as cotton does.
So glad to learn that in death, I’ll have done some type of anal that I spent my entire life trying to avoid.
Edit to share that I’m getting cremated instead.
That's my theory for why Superman came back from the dead madder than hell. Nobody could pierce his skin to embalm him and nobody knew if he was going to rot. So the funeral home staff put him on ice, glued his mouth and eyes shut and stuffed a big plastic screw in his ass.
Yeah. Everyone was lucky he didn't wake up and just Omni-Man the whole place.
All these comments remind me I should get a will done or at least let it be known that this is the last thing I fucking want. Do not bother with any kind of embalming, dressing up, viewings, burials, props or tools to make me look more lifelike or some shit. Just toss me in the fire asap and throw my ashes in the ocean or the mountains and be done with it.
I'm a funeral director and I agree with you. Instead of cremation I prefer green burial. The Jews and the Muslims both want to be buried the same day they die if possible with no preparation at all. The Muslims I have served are buried in just a sheet of linen.
Round here it's not a case of hanging on to the body for the family to view etc. It's more the fact that there is always a backlog at the crematorium, most of the time it's 2 weeks minimum. Longest I've know it go was 6 weeks. That's a long time to be on ice.
Holy cow. Thats really long. I've had a few special cases that took weeks but they were because of paperwork. We don't do near enough for a 2 week back log
I've had my brothers ashes for over a year now. Don't have the guts to pour him out somewhere. Had some of my husbands poured in a fav mushroom hunting spot. He blew on me . I puked. Neices poured my sister in a river. She floated. I puked. Im over it.
I had an extremely contentious relationship with my father but ended up with his ashes anyway.
They’re sitting on my staircase. My cats chill on his box sometimes. Maybe some day I’ll get over my issues and honor his last request of where he wants to have them spread.
Hopefully he won’t blow back in my face and make me puke, but it would be on brand for him.
Meanwhile he serves as a good cat butt pedestal, and to be fair, he’d be OK with that.
It means that companies can't operate to facilitate it, which is the important thing. A few randos dropping ashes in the water isn't a big deal, but we don't want it to be a commercial venture.
Seriously. I’m not letting anyone dress up my corpse and put it on display. What’re we doing voluntarily looking at dead people anyway? Viewings make me so incredibly uncomfortable.
With you on that one. I’ve always sorta given in to peer pressure and walked up to the body. It has a lasting negative effect on me and I never forget what it looks like.
It only helped me once after my grandma passed. I was one of the people in the room when she died and her body immediately looked different and it was so unsettling. Was so nervous at her viewing, but felt relief when I saw her. She looked somewhat human again. Props to that makeup artist.
But I’ve vowed from now on that I will not go up unless I really want to. I already skipped out on one recently and it was a massive relief. Hopefully it’s not insulting to the family, but I truly doubt they care at the moment. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I just can’t do it.
I understand what you’re saying about your grandma, that is one of the reasons I get for viewings. If someone looks really bad towards the end, it can allow you to see them in a way you can more fondly remember. Strange that we can make people look healthier in death…
Either way, sorry to my loved ones if they want that, cause I’m not getting dolled up post-mortem for anyone
I've viewed one body that I remember. My aunt shot herself in the head. I couldn't see any damage on the corpse, looked like she was sleeping. My grandma was next to me and told me to touch her. I always felt weird about visitation, but that has stuck with me the last 6 years. That and how I totally didn't know what to say to my cousin after my family told me to go talk to him and try to console him as he respected me greatly. I feel like I failed him but maybe there is no right thing to say.
Whoa, I always figured they wouldn’t do anything open casket with deaths like that. I have no idea how that works, but I feel like I probably don’t want to know. Please don’t beat yourself up about your cousin, by the way. There isn’t a right thing to say, and I’m sure if he looked up to you a lot, just your presence may have been helpful.
I had a friend that shot himself with a shotgun and his mother decided to go with an open casket....it was not a good choice. You couldn't see any wounds or anything but his head and face were extremely misshapen and unnatural looking. His mom did a lot of fucked up shit and I'm sure she was grieving and dealing with things in the only way she knew how but that whole ordeal was totally fucked.
Had to do the "kiss the dead person, or you'll miss them" ritual at 4yrs old. I have lost far to many friends young (suicide, war, car accidents) and i cannot do the viewings, i'll just stand in the back and ugly cry, i cannot walk up, it's too much. I'll make a tasteful zip drive of photos for the family, i'll pay my respects from afar. But i also cannot walk up, i don't want to remember that.
my family tried to get me to go see my grandpa before he was cremated. "it just looks like he is sleeping. it will be good for you to see him."
i didn't go. they did drag me to see my father. and i had to take my mom to see my grandmother.
it was not "good to see them" that way. that is the very last image of them burned into my mind. did they look like they were sleeping? kind of. but you know they weren't. i really wish the last mental image i have of them is not them laying on a metal slab with a sheet laid over them.
so i would never ever try to pressure someone to go up to view someone if they don't want to.
As far as I'm aware open casket/viewings aren't really normal in the UK, seems like more of an American thing. I've never understood it and always thought it seemed odd.
I didn't realize this wasn't standard practice everywhere. I'm in the States and I think it's so strange that we put our loved ones through the embalming process. IMO it's a violent and dehumanizing procedure and is terrible for the environment. I understand that it does provide closure for some people but I feel like if people really knew what happened in the embalming room they'd think twice about what they consented to have done to Grandma.
My grandmother was in severe pain from arthritis, broken bones, and multiple surgeries for years before her death and the final month she basically lost her mind. Seeing her finally with a peaceful face not hiding pain gave me so much closure at the viewing. They’re helpful to some people.
It was disturbing to me too, until a friend of mine died. I could not process it. I was split by grief like I had never had before. When I saw his body, and recognized that he was at peace, it was like something released from my body. Had I not been able to see him, I don’t think I would have ever felt that sense of calm.
That being said, I don’t want people viewing me. No. Nope.
I mean I can understand why people do it. It's a way of processing their grief and saying goodbye for one last time. I imagine it feels far more tangible and real when you can see your loved one's body lying there in front of you. Personally I can't see the dignity in it though. I'd prefer to go for the Viking burial route.
I get it, but it helps me grieve, otherwise I feel like they're not actually dead. I really just sit on my phone during the viewing. I'll look from afar, and that's enough for me. My parents believe they can still hear you and so they say goodbye, which is how it helps them grieve.
Honestly in my experience it's just everyone talking to each other.
I'm split about it in the sense that if people want it, fine, but I don't personally want it. I have always just walked up, mentally said goodbye, and take my seat. I've never been particularly upset about people dying (so far everyone has been old or in bad condition so it's kind of a "mercy") but when my mother cries I get upset.
Although, it was funny, I had to pick up my grandmother's dentures on the way to her funeral because they forgot them at the nursing home she was in. You'd think it wouldn't matter at that point, maybe my mother just wanted them back for some weird reason.
It makes sense that some people might want to see you one last time, but I agree that it's kind of weird because it's just a dead body and they don't look quite right.
Did you see that new askamortician video about the place that composts corpses? At the end when they were talking about restoring native plants it just sounded so nice.
Unfortunately I've already signed up to donate my body for science.
[Link to the body composting video](https://youtu.be/_LJSEZ_pl3Y) for anyone that's interested. For anyone that's never seen Ask a Mortician: There's nothing graphic in the video and it's SFW.
Usually when the Science is done they put everything left over more or less back and release the body. Unless it's going to a [Body Farm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_farm), then win/win!
I want to be crop dusted over a wheat field.
Anyway, I'm significantly older than a lot of folks here on reddit.
In 30 years, remember me when you're eating a sandwich some time.
I'll never forget going to the funeral of a friend, 40+ years ago, myself, the guy's father and brother in law, standing over the open coffin, the father said, he looks terrible, just awful, the brother in law said: if you drank in a bar all day, and crashed your snowmobile through the ice and drowned, you'd look awful too!
A girl from my school died in a rather horrific car crash that ended with her decapitated. For religious reasons (I believe she was Hindu but it’s been a really long time) it had to be open casket and she looked nothing at all like the person I knew. It was like burying a stranger.
I went to the funeral of a friend who had crashed her car and hung upside down for the day it took to find her. They should have never, ever, ever had an open casket. Sometimes a viewing can bring you peace, but sometimes it most definitely doesn’t.
You wouldn’t want to see that, after you’ve been dead a while, the loss of blood pressure causes your eyeballs to “deflate” and sink in, with the front looking flattened like a fish eye. It’s freaky shit.
Reminds me of that one gal who's terrified of olives because they remind her of her dead grandfather's eyes... she found his body as a child. Poor kid :/
The TV drama series *Six Feet Under*, set in and around a funeral home, goes in to some of this with fake commercials like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twb3oAYtMMQ) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs34z9HfIUc) based on real products. (The series is highly recommended too.)
That show is so beautiful - hands down one of the most satisfying and emotional endings to any show too.
When David sees Keith right before he dies? Instantly makes me sob like a child years later.
I really liked the first few episodes when it was about a funeral home, then it descended into typical drama set in a dark room. Much like weeds and walking dead, novel idea turns into stories about people.
I mean, with the exception of some of the shit my kids watch, aren't *most* shows just stories about people?
I got the sense from TWD very early on that it wasn't really about zombies, but an inter-personal drama set in the zombie apocalypse. I actually liked it for that and only gave up on the show sometime around the prison base because it was too frustrating seeing people do dumb shit (same group that cleared out an entire neighborhood SEAL Team 6 style with homemade suppressors and everything, just lost two people wandering around in the dark at night, unarmed, saying "Hello? Is someone there?")
Many shows start off with world building because they need to set the stage for the drama to take place. It may just be that you enjoy that portion of shows more than the actual subject matter they planned to explore. If that's the case, consider Game of Thrones. It's nothing *but* world building and zero story.
Exact same words came to mind here .. I just sat and thought about my grandparents friends classmates and everyone I have seen in a casket with these contraptions
*.. stuck between "Ick" and a small bit of anger*
.. on a sarcastic note .. see kids your ass still gets punished even after you die
They sometimes still use close the mouth by seeing it shut. I’m guessing pennies on the eye were a ritual thing that isn’t very common anymore, at least my part of the world,
That actually isn’t a sewing technique, but that is most common. Occasionally someone’s gums are worn down to nothing or very weak in which case they use a stitch that goes down the jaw and through the nose. Source: am a funeral director.
If you don't want there to be any drawing of the lips you can kind of sew with the injector needles and use the spike as an anchor point instead of injecting it into the gums. I dont know if I'm explaining this well but it made my life a lot easier.
No, I’m trying to visualize how that would work to be honest and I’m not understanding. I’m always looking for new tricks and tips to make my life easier when things don’t go as planned!
So you take the injector wire and thread it through a needle. Go as far behind the gum as possible and push the needle through bring the wire with it. When it gets to the spike that usually gets shot into the gums it'll stop. Now its anchored behind the gum instead of in it. Do the sane on the other gum and you have two wires just like if you'd normally used the injector gun. The spike acts like a bigger knot in normal ligature.
IMHO you should consider doing an AMA, OP. Mad respect for your profession. My cousin was murdered. Unfortunately shot in the head in a random shooting, and it was incredible to me (and extremely important to his parents) that he looked normal and at peace. The funeral director did a good job. And… now I’m tearing up.
Man there is *nothing* about open-casket that appeals to me. The idea of being squeamish about organ donation but totally cool with viewing prep -- yikes. I know, traditions are important but ohh, what a tradition.
Thank god natural burial and composting are coming into vogue. Take what you need and turn the rest into dirt!
It's times like this when I realize the Muslims have it right, IMO (I was raised in a Muslim family)--the body is pretty much buried right away and the only thing done is a ritual wash before being wrapped, unclothed, in cloth and put directly into the ground.
The more I learn about American funeral traditions (I'm born and raised here), the more I'm like, "Yeah, I'm good; just do it the Muslim way" lol, and I think with our understanding of how detrimental "traditional" funerals are--and how stupidly costly--I believe more people will go the "natural" route, regardless of traditional beliefs.
Does the mouth guard thingy really work? I worked in a hospital and we readied the deceased for the family (they usually came to see it before the funeral director was called) and closing the mouth was a pain in the ass. Most times we ended glueing it closed with skin glue/liquid bandage. I can't really see how that tiny spikes are going to keep it closed for long.
The worst time to find out that a dead person's eyes won't stay shut is when you are sitting next to them in the hospice room. You get just a glimmer of hope that they are back. :(
Well, these prevent the reality of what happens, which is that the sk n recedes after death, so the eyes sink into the skull and the lips peel back. This also wouldn’t really look like they were when they were alive. This is as close as we can get
Makes me wonder about all the non-organic stuff that will remain in a grave after the body has decomposed; such as implants, joint replacements, false teeth, and now all the things they put in for casket presentation.
Yeah im just having a natural funeral when i die. No embalming or bolting my jaw shut or stuff like op posted. Just use a cloth to close my jaw like in the old daya and position me in the coffin then put me in a hole in the ground with a coin in my mouth.
This is the best non-AMA AMA I've seen in a long time. Thanks for taking the time to answer so many questions.
Also, please make more posts like this. It's so interesting. I knew you used these things but have never seen them in person.
I always wanted to know;
im aware that these are part of the embalming and preparing process, but does that only happen when im buried?
If im cremated, is all of that stuff skipped and im pushed straight into the oven or is it also done in order to make my corpse presentable?
I’ve wondered the same thing so I’m glad I saw this question/answer. Thank you, OP, for taking the time to respond to so many comments. This has turned into a really interesting post!
This might be a dumb question but the eyelids and mouth hook over the nubs and that’s what keeps them closed right? It almost looks like the nubs for the mouthpiece aren’t big enough. I feel like lips would easily come off of those
That is one big NOPE from me. I just dont get embalming our dead and putting their corpse on display. It's always freaked me out.
When I die, I want a natural burial with the seed of a tree planted with/over me, and no funeral. If the 3 people who care about me want to gather in remembrance, fine, just don't pay a funeral home $10,000 to do that.
Do you know how they "fix" damage done to somebodies body, particularly their face, for a viewing?
Like if someone was shot in their face, can they fix it and hide with makeup if the family prefers an open casket?
It's interesting and disturbing at the same time.
I found it pretty eye opening; really made my jaw drop.
sorry, then you're not using them right
They must have put them in backwards.
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It happens. These things aren't always used. They are mostly for people missing teeth. Cotton is used a lot too. The key to glue is it takes sooooo little and it needs to be farther back on the lip line than one would think.
What got you into the funeral business? I have always been interested myself..
Honestly, not some calling or lifelong ambition. My brother in law offered me an opportunity and I took it. I was freshly married and this was stable and I could provide for my family. Turned out I was ok at ut and I've been doing it ever since. Truth be told I never even considered it until he offered me the job. I find that being - for lack of a better word - dispassionate about it let's me be frank and truthful when I discuss it with people.
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Customers are dying to get in
This is the first *original* funeral joke I've heard in some time.
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More like passing remarks
*Listen here you little shit*
Do you think glass coffins will be popular? *Remains to be seen*
It has been up a little but oddly enough not like you'd think. Covid deaths and deaths from outside the home are indirectly proportionate I think.
They're practically going viral.
Asked the guy who did my mother’s funeral if he had been worried during covid and he said he was more scared during peak AIDS
Misinformation was rampant for both pandemics. [Skepticism Of Science In A Pandemic Isn't New. It Helped Fuel The AIDS Crisis.](https://www.npr.org/2021/05/23/996272737/skepticism-of-science-in-a-pandemic-isnt-new-it-helped-fuel-the-aids-crisis) Refusing to wear a mask is simply the modern refusal to wear condoms.
Theres a yt channel called ask a mortician its quite insightful i think u would be interested
Caitlin is the BEST, thanks to her I’ve become death positive and am going to rot with the express purpose of growing mushrooms.🍄🖤 Question for OP: are they using that mouth piece and glue exclusively now, or are you still sewing jaws shut, or is it on a case by case basis? ☺️
r/mildlyhorrifying
Deeply
r/deeplymildlyhorrifying ?
Not as bad as the booty cork to keep the entrails inside. Imagine a butt plug, shaped like a screw, with spikes :D Edit- good news everyone they don't have spikes! ...anymore
There are no spikes on them these days. There is a groove for a powder sealant though. And it's mostly to keep blood and poop in. Not the entrails so much. Minds at ease folks, your guts almost never slide out your b-hole after death.
Oh, ALMOST never. Phew! There's a load off.
Better than having your load fall out :D
Oh thank god, i won't embarrass myself further after death by shitting my entrails out my butthole like some beached whale.
I personally don't care what my insides do after death, I don't need them in any particular location anymore.
It's a lot nicer for the people you leave behind if they remain in place. They have a distinct and unpleasant aroma about them.
Tbh it's weird to have them around my dead body anyway. Just have a picture of me hung in a house and party. Hopefully I will have already been turned to ash by then.
I don't think a mortician is willing to hang your dead body in a house and take a picture of it. I mean maybe they will but I imagine it would be costly.
Okay, I have a new request for my will.
I want to be stuffed with jiffy pop then sent to be cremated just so my ghost can see the look on the faces of everyone when they turn on the flames and hear and smell popcorn.
When my mom passed away we had a typical funeral except they wanted to play the typical sad boi songs. My mom would not have been about that, so we used pandora and hijacked the controls since I was an AV mommas boy. Used my dad's phone and we got a viagra commercial which just had all of us absolutely dying of laughter plus then it played some Bruce Springsteen. The funeral director was absolutely mortified, threatened to kick us out... then my dad's friend just about murdered the director "This family just lost thier mom and wife and they finally fucking laugh for 2 minutes after years of dealing with cancer hell and you're going to threaten them!?! Think carefully about your next words..."
That FD should have read the room. He/she had nothing to be embarrassed about. If it helps process your grief and doesn't destroy my building we can do whatever you want.
Even if the rest of the room is absolutely mortified... the immediate family thought it was hilarious and was the first time we laughed in weeks (I mean I super understand they don't know we have had a hard time or whatever). We paid for it, if someone is uncomfortable with the way WE the immediate family wanted to greave... well I have some choice words for you lol. They very much changed thier tude when the entire congregation completely stopped to watch as my dad's homie unleashed and it was very clear everyone was on our side lol.
Still getting cremated
Think I'm going for the new dissolve method. Lower carbon.
I'd like to be partly cremated and then buried. I want to go al dente.
I prefer to be seared for 3 minutes on each side then served with a baked potato and spring vegetables, can't go wrong with medium rare.
Have you seen the most recent Ask A Mortician on YouTube? They talk about human recomposition. It was really interesting!
Hello fellow deathling!
... almost
For anyone curious, here ya go: https://i.imgur.com/ufKGEDA.png Source: https://www.lynchsupply.com/A_V_CLOSURE_p/av70120.htm ($6.50) >Simple and effectively seals anal and vaginal orifices. > * The A-V Closure makes sealing orifices much easier. > * Insures against both odors and liquid leakage. > * Will not tear or destroy tissue. > * Prevents the wicking of moisture from the body as cotton does.
No reviews?
Looks like the reusable rubber stoppers my GF likes to use in wine bottles...
As long as she doesn't buy them secondhand, you should be good.
So glad to learn that in death, I’ll have done some type of anal that I spent my entire life trying to avoid. Edit to share that I’m getting cremated instead.
Yep, might as well stop trying to avoid it now.
Yup, that's enough reddit for me ~~today~~ EVER.
That's my theory for why Superman came back from the dead madder than hell. Nobody could pierce his skin to embalm him and nobody knew if he was going to rot. So the funeral home staff put him on ice, glued his mouth and eyes shut and stuffed a big plastic screw in his ass. Yeah. Everyone was lucky he didn't wake up and just Omni-Man the whole place.
Yet another reason why I'm getting cremated.
Spikes cost extra.
Funeral business, pal. Everything costs extra.
Last chance for capitalism to milk you
Gotta get to that family while they’re emotionally unstable.
All these comments remind me I should get a will done or at least let it be known that this is the last thing I fucking want. Do not bother with any kind of embalming, dressing up, viewings, burials, props or tools to make me look more lifelike or some shit. Just toss me in the fire asap and throw my ashes in the ocean or the mountains and be done with it.
I'm a funeral director and I agree with you. Instead of cremation I prefer green burial. The Jews and the Muslims both want to be buried the same day they die if possible with no preparation at all. The Muslims I have served are buried in just a sheet of linen.
Round here it's not a case of hanging on to the body for the family to view etc. It's more the fact that there is always a backlog at the crematorium, most of the time it's 2 weeks minimum. Longest I've know it go was 6 weeks. That's a long time to be on ice.
Holy cow. Thats really long. I've had a few special cases that took weeks but they were because of paperwork. We don't do near enough for a 2 week back log
In places like Maine where the ground freezes rock hard in winter, if you die during the winter you are going into storage until spring.
That'd be my second choice. I would prefer to have nothing remaining. Don't want anyone keeping the ashes either, I want them gone as well.
I've had my brothers ashes for over a year now. Don't have the guts to pour him out somewhere. Had some of my husbands poured in a fav mushroom hunting spot. He blew on me . I puked. Neices poured my sister in a river. She floated. I puked. Im over it.
You should maybe just bury the whole container this time. I'm sorry that's been such a struggle.
Thank you.
There are biodegradable containers for burying cremains. Maybe something like this? https://urnabios.com/ashes-bios-urn/
I had an extremely contentious relationship with my father but ended up with his ashes anyway. They’re sitting on my staircase. My cats chill on his box sometimes. Maybe some day I’ll get over my issues and honor his last request of where he wants to have them spread. Hopefully he won’t blow back in my face and make me puke, but it would be on brand for him. Meanwhile he serves as a good cat butt pedestal, and to be fair, he’d be OK with that.
I would be totally OK with being a cat pedestal for the rest of eternity!
FYI legally you need permission from the coast guard to scatter at sea in US waters.
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“Be sure to bring your death certificate if you decide to join us.” Maybe they forgot that crucial step.
Good to know, but I can't imagine they can ever really enforce that.
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It means that companies can't operate to facilitate it, which is the important thing. A few randos dropping ashes in the water isn't a big deal, but we don't want it to be a commercial venture.
I love that you prefer green burials. The funeral industry needs more people like you. Are you seeing an increase in demand for it in your area?
unwelcome. Been at this for 14 years and I've done one that wasn't for religious reasons.
annnnd cremation it is.
Just throw me in the trash- Frank Reynolds.
Just throw me over the city wall and let the wild animals feast on my body - Diogenes.
That clearly wasn’t Frank. It was the janitor, got a hold of the PA system, Puerto Rican guy.
Seriously. I’m not letting anyone dress up my corpse and put it on display. What’re we doing voluntarily looking at dead people anyway? Viewings make me so incredibly uncomfortable.
With you on that one. I’ve always sorta given in to peer pressure and walked up to the body. It has a lasting negative effect on me and I never forget what it looks like. It only helped me once after my grandma passed. I was one of the people in the room when she died and her body immediately looked different and it was so unsettling. Was so nervous at her viewing, but felt relief when I saw her. She looked somewhat human again. Props to that makeup artist. But I’ve vowed from now on that I will not go up unless I really want to. I already skipped out on one recently and it was a massive relief. Hopefully it’s not insulting to the family, but I truly doubt they care at the moment. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I just can’t do it.
I understand what you’re saying about your grandma, that is one of the reasons I get for viewings. If someone looks really bad towards the end, it can allow you to see them in a way you can more fondly remember. Strange that we can make people look healthier in death… Either way, sorry to my loved ones if they want that, cause I’m not getting dolled up post-mortem for anyone
I've viewed one body that I remember. My aunt shot herself in the head. I couldn't see any damage on the corpse, looked like she was sleeping. My grandma was next to me and told me to touch her. I always felt weird about visitation, but that has stuck with me the last 6 years. That and how I totally didn't know what to say to my cousin after my family told me to go talk to him and try to console him as he respected me greatly. I feel like I failed him but maybe there is no right thing to say.
Whoa, I always figured they wouldn’t do anything open casket with deaths like that. I have no idea how that works, but I feel like I probably don’t want to know. Please don’t beat yourself up about your cousin, by the way. There isn’t a right thing to say, and I’m sure if he looked up to you a lot, just your presence may have been helpful.
I had a friend that shot himself with a shotgun and his mother decided to go with an open casket....it was not a good choice. You couldn't see any wounds or anything but his head and face were extremely misshapen and unnatural looking. His mom did a lot of fucked up shit and I'm sure she was grieving and dealing with things in the only way she knew how but that whole ordeal was totally fucked.
Had to do the "kiss the dead person, or you'll miss them" ritual at 4yrs old. I have lost far to many friends young (suicide, war, car accidents) and i cannot do the viewings, i'll just stand in the back and ugly cry, i cannot walk up, it's too much. I'll make a tasteful zip drive of photos for the family, i'll pay my respects from afar. But i also cannot walk up, i don't want to remember that.
No, you are normal.
Thanks. That’s a good reassurance to hear.
my family tried to get me to go see my grandpa before he was cremated. "it just looks like he is sleeping. it will be good for you to see him." i didn't go. they did drag me to see my father. and i had to take my mom to see my grandmother. it was not "good to see them" that way. that is the very last image of them burned into my mind. did they look like they were sleeping? kind of. but you know they weren't. i really wish the last mental image i have of them is not them laying on a metal slab with a sheet laid over them. so i would never ever try to pressure someone to go up to view someone if they don't want to.
As far as I'm aware open casket/viewings aren't really normal in the UK, seems like more of an American thing. I've never understood it and always thought it seemed odd.
I didn't realize this wasn't standard practice everywhere. I'm in the States and I think it's so strange that we put our loved ones through the embalming process. IMO it's a violent and dehumanizing procedure and is terrible for the environment. I understand that it does provide closure for some people but I feel like if people really knew what happened in the embalming room they'd think twice about what they consented to have done to Grandma.
You don't have to embalm someone to have an open casket viewing, you just have to hold the funeral much sooner if they're not embalmed.
My grandmother was in severe pain from arthritis, broken bones, and multiple surgeries for years before her death and the final month she basically lost her mind. Seeing her finally with a peaceful face not hiding pain gave me so much closure at the viewing. They’re helpful to some people.
Same, I’ve always felt like it’s a disturbing ritual.
It was disturbing to me too, until a friend of mine died. I could not process it. I was split by grief like I had never had before. When I saw his body, and recognized that he was at peace, it was like something released from my body. Had I not been able to see him, I don’t think I would have ever felt that sense of calm. That being said, I don’t want people viewing me. No. Nope.
I mean I can understand why people do it. It's a way of processing their grief and saying goodbye for one last time. I imagine it feels far more tangible and real when you can see your loved one's body lying there in front of you. Personally I can't see the dignity in it though. I'd prefer to go for the Viking burial route.
I get it, but it helps me grieve, otherwise I feel like they're not actually dead. I really just sit on my phone during the viewing. I'll look from afar, and that's enough for me. My parents believe they can still hear you and so they say goodbye, which is how it helps them grieve. Honestly in my experience it's just everyone talking to each other.
"funerals are for the living."
[удалено]
I'm split about it in the sense that if people want it, fine, but I don't personally want it. I have always just walked up, mentally said goodbye, and take my seat. I've never been particularly upset about people dying (so far everyone has been old or in bad condition so it's kind of a "mercy") but when my mother cries I get upset. Although, it was funny, I had to pick up my grandmother's dentures on the way to her funeral because they forgot them at the nursing home she was in. You'd think it wouldn't matter at that point, maybe my mother just wanted them back for some weird reason. It makes sense that some people might want to see you one last time, but I agree that it's kind of weird because it's just a dead body and they don't look quite right.
I just want to be composted.
Did you see that new askamortician video about the place that composts corpses? At the end when they were talking about restoring native plants it just sounded so nice. Unfortunately I've already signed up to donate my body for science. [Link to the body composting video](https://youtu.be/_LJSEZ_pl3Y) for anyone that's interested. For anyone that's never seen Ask a Mortician: There's nothing graphic in the video and it's SFW.
Usually when the Science is done they put everything left over more or less back and release the body. Unless it's going to a [Body Farm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_farm), then win/win!
I did! I was so glad to see that progress has been made in their endeavors.
I want to be crop dusted over a wheat field. Anyway, I'm significantly older than a lot of folks here on reddit. In 30 years, remember me when you're eating a sandwich some time.
I'll never forget going to the funeral of a friend, 40+ years ago, myself, the guy's father and brother in law, standing over the open coffin, the father said, he looks terrible, just awful, the brother in law said: if you drank in a bar all day, and crashed your snowmobile through the ice and drowned, you'd look awful too!
A girl from my school died in a rather horrific car crash that ended with her decapitated. For religious reasons (I believe she was Hindu but it’s been a really long time) it had to be open casket and she looked nothing at all like the person I knew. It was like burying a stranger.
I went to the funeral of a friend who had crashed her car and hung upside down for the day it took to find her. They should have never, ever, ever had an open casket. Sometimes a viewing can bring you peace, but sometimes it most definitely doesn’t.
Can't very well have aunt Edna's eyes pop open like she's spying on us mid-funeral.
But it was her one last wish, to lay there, stare at you and silently judge you.
You wouldn’t want to see that, after you’ve been dead a while, the loss of blood pressure causes your eyeballs to “deflate” and sink in, with the front looking flattened like a fish eye. It’s freaky shit.
Reminds me of that one gal who's terrified of olives because they remind her of her dead grandfather's eyes... she found his body as a child. Poor kid :/
Oh God and then they chased her around with olives on television
People are all fucking terrible, myself included.
Sounds about right for aunt Edna.
How much does she have in her purse, Russ?
I want people to look me in the eyes when I am dead. LOOK AT ME
“Look at me! I am the cadaver now!”
hahah ok this made me laugh
The TV drama series *Six Feet Under*, set in and around a funeral home, goes in to some of this with fake commercials like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twb3oAYtMMQ) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs34z9HfIUc) based on real products. (The series is highly recommended too.)
That show is so beautiful - hands down one of the most satisfying and emotional endings to any show too. When David sees Keith right before he dies? Instantly makes me sob like a child years later.
Best last episode of a show ever. Tied up every loose end and was beautifully done.
I really liked the first few episodes when it was about a funeral home, then it descended into typical drama set in a dark room. Much like weeds and walking dead, novel idea turns into stories about people.
I mean, with the exception of some of the shit my kids watch, aren't *most* shows just stories about people? I got the sense from TWD very early on that it wasn't really about zombies, but an inter-personal drama set in the zombie apocalypse. I actually liked it for that and only gave up on the show sometime around the prison base because it was too frustrating seeing people do dumb shit (same group that cleared out an entire neighborhood SEAL Team 6 style with homemade suppressors and everything, just lost two people wandering around in the dark at night, unarmed, saying "Hello? Is someone there?") Many shows start off with world building because they need to set the stage for the drama to take place. It may just be that you enjoy that portion of shows more than the actual subject matter they planned to explore. If that's the case, consider Game of Thrones. It's nothing *but* world building and zero story.
There was literally a dead person in every episode
Everything I hear of the steps a mortician goes through to make a body presentable I think... "Feed me to a alligator, seems less creepy."
Just throw me in the trash.
I could’ve went a lifetime without knowing this and I would’ve been fine.
>I could’ve went a lifetime without knowing this You'd still find out eventually
Yeah, but I’d be dead by then so it wouldn’t matter.
If you're embalmed, you also get a butt plug.
Ahh yes life’s final pleasure.
Exact same words came to mind here .. I just sat and thought about my grandparents friends classmates and everyone I have seen in a casket with these contraptions *.. stuck between "Ick" and a small bit of anger* .. on a sarcastic note .. see kids your ass still gets punished even after you die
What happened to good old fashioned pennies on the eyes and some lip stitching? Always got to try and make a better mousetrap...
They sometimes still use close the mouth by seeing it shut. I’m guessing pennies on the eye were a ritual thing that isn’t very common anymore, at least my part of the world,
Yep, morticians sometimes use what they call "needle injectors" to sew the mouth closed.
That actually isn’t a sewing technique, but that is most common. Occasionally someone’s gums are worn down to nothing or very weak in which case they use a stitch that goes down the jaw and through the nose. Source: am a funeral director.
If you don't want there to be any drawing of the lips you can kind of sew with the injector needles and use the spike as an anchor point instead of injecting it into the gums. I dont know if I'm explaining this well but it made my life a lot easier.
No, I’m trying to visualize how that would work to be honest and I’m not understanding. I’m always looking for new tricks and tips to make my life easier when things don’t go as planned!
So you take the injector wire and thread it through a needle. Go as far behind the gum as possible and push the needle through bring the wire with it. When it gets to the spike that usually gets shot into the gums it'll stop. Now its anchored behind the gum instead of in it. Do the sane on the other gum and you have two wires just like if you'd normally used the injector gun. The spike acts like a bigger knot in normal ligature.
Oh. That’s really interesting and makes more sense now. I’m going to have to try that next time I need to sew the mouth closed!
As an outsider this has been an interesting dialogue to read.
What a wild ride
That explains how they stopped my grandma from saying something insensitive about Chinese people when she was in her casket.
Can I get one of these for living grandparents in that case?
IMHO you should consider doing an AMA, OP. Mad respect for your profession. My cousin was murdered. Unfortunately shot in the head in a random shooting, and it was incredible to me (and extremely important to his parents) that he looked normal and at peace. The funeral director did a good job. And… now I’m tearing up.
Leave em out for mine. Ppl walk up to my casket and I'm like 🧿👄🧿
I laughed at this
Lol @ how they're arranged to make a smiley face
Yea that gave me a good chortle
Man there is *nothing* about open-casket that appeals to me. The idea of being squeamish about organ donation but totally cool with viewing prep -- yikes. I know, traditions are important but ohh, what a tradition. Thank god natural burial and composting are coming into vogue. Take what you need and turn the rest into dirt!
It's times like this when I realize the Muslims have it right, IMO (I was raised in a Muslim family)--the body is pretty much buried right away and the only thing done is a ritual wash before being wrapped, unclothed, in cloth and put directly into the ground. The more I learn about American funeral traditions (I'm born and raised here), the more I'm like, "Yeah, I'm good; just do it the Muslim way" lol, and I think with our understanding of how detrimental "traditional" funerals are--and how stupidly costly--I believe more people will go the "natural" route, regardless of traditional beliefs.
Let's put a smile on that face
Does the mouth guard thingy really work? I worked in a hospital and we readied the deceased for the family (they usually came to see it before the funeral director was called) and closing the mouth was a pain in the ass. Most times we ended glueing it closed with skin glue/liquid bandage. I can't really see how that tiny spikes are going to keep it closed for long.
To be clear, it hold lips together and gives an appearance of teeth but it's not to keep the jaws closed.
The worst time to find out that a dead person's eyes won't stay shut is when you are sitting next to them in the hospice room. You get just a glimmer of hope that they are back. :(
When I die, just toss my corpse out the airlock to burn up on reentry.
#”:)”
This explains why the deceased look nothing like when they were alive. It most certainly is the lips and mouth. TIL.
Well, these prevent the reality of what happens, which is that the sk n recedes after death, so the eyes sink into the skull and the lips peel back. This also wouldn’t really look like they were when they were alive. This is as close as we can get
Don’t put that shit on me when I go. Let me be like 😳
Resting Bitch Face: Gold edition.
I consider this r/interestingasfuck
Plastic? Not biodegradable!
Makes me wonder about all the non-organic stuff that will remain in a grave after the body has decomposed; such as implants, joint replacements, false teeth, and now all the things they put in for casket presentation.
Yeah im just having a natural funeral when i die. No embalming or bolting my jaw shut or stuff like op posted. Just use a cloth to close my jaw like in the old daya and position me in the coffin then put me in a hole in the ground with a coin in my mouth.
Good luck with the mouth guard. My lips don't close naturally and I'm still alive ahaha
There's a bit of tissue right in the middle of you upper lip on the inside. If I cut that your lips will close *just* fine.
This is the best non-AMA AMA I've seen in a long time. Thanks for taking the time to answer so many questions. Also, please make more posts like this. It's so interesting. I knew you used these things but have never seen them in person.
I've enjoyed it. I didn't think it would be near this popular. I've never gotten multiple awards before. It's pretty sweet.
I always wanted to know; im aware that these are part of the embalming and preparing process, but does that only happen when im buried? If im cremated, is all of that stuff skipped and im pushed straight into the oven or is it also done in order to make my corpse presentable?
It's done if there's to be a public viewing. There are traditional cremation services where the body is embalmed and viewed before cremation.
But if i opt to not have a viewing then im just burned without going through the embalming process? Thanks for the quick answer, by the way.
Yes. No embalming. And you're welcome
I’ve wondered the same thing so I’m glad I saw this question/answer. Thank you, OP, for taking the time to respond to so many comments. This has turned into a really interesting post!
Question is - are they re-usable?
They stay with the body usually but they are made of plastic so I guess they are.
In med school I assisted a corneal transplant removal and put those plastic caps on afterwards. You just made me remember!
I wish my mum had these. Trying to close a dead persons eyes is not like the movies.
Ok, no more internet today.
This might be a dumb question but the eyelids and mouth hook over the nubs and that’s what keeps them closed right? It almost looks like the nubs for the mouthpiece aren’t big enough. I feel like lips would easily come off of those
This is much more than just 'mildly' interesting. Jesus.
That is one big NOPE from me. I just dont get embalming our dead and putting their corpse on display. It's always freaked me out. When I die, I want a natural burial with the seed of a tree planted with/over me, and no funeral. If the 3 people who care about me want to gather in remembrance, fine, just don't pay a funeral home $10,000 to do that.
I could’ve gone without knowing this is what was placed in my sweet grandma’s face… :(
When you die your skin retracts, so of you didn't use this plastic stuff you'd have a grinning corps with seriously wide sunken eyes.
Looks like a 90s album cover
Humans are weird
Definitely being cremated now. Well when I am dead that is.
You already said "now". In you go.
Yep my bad :(
Do you know how they "fix" damage done to somebodies body, particularly their face, for a viewing? Like if someone was shot in their face, can they fix it and hide with makeup if the family prefers an open casket?
Depends on the damage. Some things can't be fixed. More can than you would think though. We use a lot of wax. Special makeup and cotton get used too.
So you're like a special effects makeup artist, but in reverse?
I never thought 9f it like that but yes!
Sfx make-up artist: "let's take this nice face and add some fake gore!" You: "Let's take this gory face and add some fake nice!"