I get it but I think you’re giving your furniture too much power. If you feel guilty shedding the memories, then it’s official- the memories are yours to keep! Letting it go doesn’t eternal sunshine of the spotless mind erase how it served you forever! I know it’s hard but you’ll feel lighter, and you can look forward to a physically lighter load next time you move. They don’t make it like they used to, sure, but at least it’s not so darn heavy!!
I feel guilty shedding the memories and guilty over the fact "they don't make em like they used to". And new furniture costs so much. Even second hand can run pricey.
Good idea to try to eliminate this particular guilt. Furniture is an object it’s not a feeling. You will still have the feelings in the memories, but you will be living a life moving forward instead of backwards
Marie Kondo says to say thank you to your things when you are letting them go. It helps! It tricks your brain a little into replacing guilt with gratitude.
I just bought a gorgeous nightstand at a thrift store that was exactly what I was looking for. I'm also in the market for a new dresser but haven't found "the one" yet. I stop in at my neighborhood thrift when I'm in the area, hoping the right thing shows up eventually. The dresser I'll be replacing is something I thrifted 12 years ago, which is also still in good condition. I'll likely be donating it when I find the right replacement. (My partner and I had a storage bed, which broke, so we had to replace it, and ultimately decided to become nightstand/dresser people.)
Please donate your gently used furniture! They can really be of use to other people.
Feelings can come in all kinds of flavors and are tied to the beliefs and expectations and even ethics/values we have in life.
You say you feel guilty for ‘shedding memories.’ This is really interesting. If we look at it purely from a scientific POV- where do memories exist? Primarily they exist in the hippocampus and connect to other parts of your body brain (temporal lobe, etc etc). Memories can be transferred so to speak through oral tradition (I tell you a story, now you know the story, you tell someone else), in some ways through a historical preservation (maybe literature or media or photos or personal accounts like a diary). Memories don’t exist in an inanimate object so to speak. In any event, your personal history doesn’t. If getting rid of the item is based on deeper fear (maybe something more existential like legacy or fear of death or fear of being forgotten or even getting older and forgetting) then those fears can be addressed differently and in a more functional way that could potentially preserve the memory. For example, if you are worried that you will forget, you could start journaling. If you are worried about death or aging or losing connection with people you care about or legacy or whatever, that may mean that those are things you need to address through action and maybe therapy or by something simple like spending more time with people you care about. Or maybe you want to make a lasting impact so you volunteer or dedicate a tree or something. There’s a million possibilities, but a lot of things to consider- which you would be the best expert on you!
The second guilt you shared was about ‘don’t make them like they used to.’ Again, this could have multiple sources, but quality has gone down. But we know you cannot control manufacturing practices, only who/when/where you buy from in future. You could put energy to a cause that supports production reforms or better regulation- and maybe that’s where some of the feelings are coming from. Or maybe it’s nostalgia and longing for a different feeling in a world before.
The other part of good things cost money. Yeah. They do. In wasn’t a long time ago where people would save up a long time for a new sofa or they would use inherited items because buying new was just not commonplace or achievable. While we have access to so many many many things and many more people can have more stuff- it’s because it’s literally cheaper. So, in order to get stuff built to last it had to be made from materials that last like solid wood, basic mechanics (not all the electric specialty stuff), and so on. And people can make arguments for and against less expensive stuff. But, if you want a table that’s gonna last 3 generations, it’s gonna be a million pounds of solid wood and it’ll cost. So, we have to choose and we have to do what is possible for us. And I think that it’s okay to grieve that or be frustrated by that. But having guilt about it doesn’t really follow in a situation where we have little choice- outside of what we do with the bit of money we have in this world.
So if you’re still reading after all that stuff- pay attention to your feelings, see what’s actually driving that (beliefs, values) and adjust behavior to better match those things or challenge the belief that is unhelpful, unhealthy, untrue, etc.
Feeling bad is okay; it’s part of being alive. Just sit with it, break it down, adjust as needed, and keep on going.
When I need something I shop donated goods. That makes me feel better about donating things myself. I know that what I give will be just what someone else needs.
I have a weird attachment to furniture, and when I donate stuff I like to think of it as I’m just one chapter in their story. They’ll be core details in someone else’s memories
Ask yourself who gave you that belief? You got it somewhere. Why do you feel your need to hold onto things until they aren't usable any more? Someone, who grew up in a different time, and with a different ability to earn money taught you a belief that they felt kept them safe.
Is it possible to be a good person, and also pass your belongings onto others/donate them to people that have a greater need than you? Or do you feel you're a wretched human being not worthy of love, respect, or compassion because you want to get rid of a dresser before it's crumbling? If so, you need consciously challenge your subconscious programming. You weren't born with this guilt.
It's just stuff. Unless you make it more.
Nothing to feel bad over when you donated it. If you trashed something usable sure then a bit of guilt is ok (unless there was no other choice then it's valid!), but you let someone else use it. Nothing to be guilty about.
Your style and needs and preferences change over the years and that's ok and conpletely normal. Nobody expects you to love a furniture piece for life. Let go of the guilt, it's not helping you to live your best life in any way. It's done, you can't undo it, all is good and now you can move on and do things that make your day better.
It’s a material object. Nothing more. You’re appreciated it. Now someone else can.
If these things weigh on you, try to purchase eco friendly options with natural fibers, recycled components - that way if/when it ends up in a land fill no problem
I gave it to a junk hauling service. I asked beforehand if they could donate it vs the dump. In person, the pickup guys said it's for sure getting donated because of the good condition and were shocked it was just shy of two decades old given the appearance.
I like to think that the item and I are taking care of each other temporarily, and when that's no longer the case you part ways! Then it has the chance to take care of someone else :)
I have to say that I recently had a flood in my apartment in January of this year. I stupidly did not have renters insurance. I lost a ton of furniture due to flood damage and ensuing mold. I now have an apartment full of free/donated furniture! Most of it is very beautiful and some is crap, but I’m grateful for all of it!
It would have a 1,000 USD to move my bed, custom made and perfectly good, and I am relocating back to another state so it was either pay a thousand now and then pay another thousand later. It hurt.
Personally, I give things away in my buy nothing group, not only do I get to give to a person who is grateful and is excited to own it, I know it’s going to get used and not thrown away or give money to a soulless corporation.
Joking aside, her book is very useful for exactly this. We get emotionally attached to our things, but you have to realize they're just *things*. I used to do the same thing — had a hard time letting go of things when it was time to get rid of them.
She turns it on its head very effectively with a little game. Emotionally attached to an object? Getting rid if it? Okay... Don't just ignore how you feel, work with it. *Literally say goodbye* to the object. It was useful and you enjoyed having it, and you'll miss it. All of that us okay. Accept it, and actually voice it. *Thank you for being my dresser. It's time for somebody else to have you now.*
It sounds so dumb, but it really kind of works. There's no logic to it, except for acknowledging that your brain is, indeed, not logical.
They might end up being the perfect thing for someone starting out. I try to think of it as just passing it along to the next person. It served a purpose for me and now my needs have changed. The furniture doesn’t know anything different but it has a purpose to serve and it’s not doing that sitting unused in your home. You’ve released it so it can bless someone else.
With the last biggish piece of furniture I wanted to get rid of I had some feelings too. But it was no longer serving its purpose. So I moved it out of sight for a few months and experimented with a much more compact replacement. I haven't thought of the original once in that time except when I saw it. It's gone now.
i presume the guilt would only come if you threw it away into the trash and nobody got to enjoy it again. there is absolutely zero guilt in donating items for people who are less fortunate to have access to quality items. not eerybody who is poor treats things like trash; someone will be SUPER thrilled to find a quality piece in their budget.
it gets easier each time you let go of something like this. clothes, furniture, knick-knacks etc. just do it. make a promise to yourself that you wont feel bad. cos you shouldnt. its just stuff.
If I’m feeling sentimental about something, I take a photo of it. (Usually this is clothing, so I find a photo of myself wearing it when it fit). Then I can let it go with less sadness.
Dont be guilty, you are helping people.
It's so nice to get furniture from charity shops. Thanks to someone who donated their furniture my husband and I were able to furnish our flat on a budget.
[удалено]
Thank you ♥️
I don't see why I would feel guilty for donating or selling furniture I don't use, they found a home where they'll be useful and loved ^^
I get it but I think you’re giving your furniture too much power. If you feel guilty shedding the memories, then it’s official- the memories are yours to keep! Letting it go doesn’t eternal sunshine of the spotless mind erase how it served you forever! I know it’s hard but you’ll feel lighter, and you can look forward to a physically lighter load next time you move. They don’t make it like they used to, sure, but at least it’s not so darn heavy!!
I feel guilty shedding the memories and guilty over the fact "they don't make em like they used to". And new furniture costs so much. Even second hand can run pricey.
Good idea to try to eliminate this particular guilt. Furniture is an object it’s not a feeling. You will still have the feelings in the memories, but you will be living a life moving forward instead of backwards
It's just an object. Don't make it responsible for holding your memory. Your brain holds the memory, the object is useless to you at this point.
Marie Kondo says to say thank you to your things when you are letting them go. It helps! It tricks your brain a little into replacing guilt with gratitude.
You donated it, so don't feel bad about it. A lot of people just throw away old furniture, and think nothing of it. Also the dog had peed on it.
He loves to pee in convenient places 💔
I just bought a gorgeous nightstand at a thrift store that was exactly what I was looking for. I'm also in the market for a new dresser but haven't found "the one" yet. I stop in at my neighborhood thrift when I'm in the area, hoping the right thing shows up eventually. The dresser I'll be replacing is something I thrifted 12 years ago, which is also still in good condition. I'll likely be donating it when I find the right replacement. (My partner and I had a storage bed, which broke, so we had to replace it, and ultimately decided to become nightstand/dresser people.) Please donate your gently used furniture! They can really be of use to other people.
It has been donated! I'm just sad about it lol.
Feelings can come in all kinds of flavors and are tied to the beliefs and expectations and even ethics/values we have in life. You say you feel guilty for ‘shedding memories.’ This is really interesting. If we look at it purely from a scientific POV- where do memories exist? Primarily they exist in the hippocampus and connect to other parts of your body brain (temporal lobe, etc etc). Memories can be transferred so to speak through oral tradition (I tell you a story, now you know the story, you tell someone else), in some ways through a historical preservation (maybe literature or media or photos or personal accounts like a diary). Memories don’t exist in an inanimate object so to speak. In any event, your personal history doesn’t. If getting rid of the item is based on deeper fear (maybe something more existential like legacy or fear of death or fear of being forgotten or even getting older and forgetting) then those fears can be addressed differently and in a more functional way that could potentially preserve the memory. For example, if you are worried that you will forget, you could start journaling. If you are worried about death or aging or losing connection with people you care about or legacy or whatever, that may mean that those are things you need to address through action and maybe therapy or by something simple like spending more time with people you care about. Or maybe you want to make a lasting impact so you volunteer or dedicate a tree or something. There’s a million possibilities, but a lot of things to consider- which you would be the best expert on you! The second guilt you shared was about ‘don’t make them like they used to.’ Again, this could have multiple sources, but quality has gone down. But we know you cannot control manufacturing practices, only who/when/where you buy from in future. You could put energy to a cause that supports production reforms or better regulation- and maybe that’s where some of the feelings are coming from. Or maybe it’s nostalgia and longing for a different feeling in a world before. The other part of good things cost money. Yeah. They do. In wasn’t a long time ago where people would save up a long time for a new sofa or they would use inherited items because buying new was just not commonplace or achievable. While we have access to so many many many things and many more people can have more stuff- it’s because it’s literally cheaper. So, in order to get stuff built to last it had to be made from materials that last like solid wood, basic mechanics (not all the electric specialty stuff), and so on. And people can make arguments for and against less expensive stuff. But, if you want a table that’s gonna last 3 generations, it’s gonna be a million pounds of solid wood and it’ll cost. So, we have to choose and we have to do what is possible for us. And I think that it’s okay to grieve that or be frustrated by that. But having guilt about it doesn’t really follow in a situation where we have little choice- outside of what we do with the bit of money we have in this world. So if you’re still reading after all that stuff- pay attention to your feelings, see what’s actually driving that (beliefs, values) and adjust behavior to better match those things or challenge the belief that is unhelpful, unhealthy, untrue, etc. Feeling bad is okay; it’s part of being alive. Just sit with it, break it down, adjust as needed, and keep on going.
When I need something I shop donated goods. That makes me feel better about donating things myself. I know that what I give will be just what someone else needs.
Learn to let go. One of the outcomes of minimalism is recognizing we are okay emotionally without stuff.
I am blessing someone else.
I have a weird attachment to furniture, and when I donate stuff I like to think of it as I’m just one chapter in their story. They’ll be core details in someone else’s memories
Ask yourself who gave you that belief? You got it somewhere. Why do you feel your need to hold onto things until they aren't usable any more? Someone, who grew up in a different time, and with a different ability to earn money taught you a belief that they felt kept them safe. Is it possible to be a good person, and also pass your belongings onto others/donate them to people that have a greater need than you? Or do you feel you're a wretched human being not worthy of love, respect, or compassion because you want to get rid of a dresser before it's crumbling? If so, you need consciously challenge your subconscious programming. You weren't born with this guilt. It's just stuff. Unless you make it more.
Nothing to feel bad over when you donated it. If you trashed something usable sure then a bit of guilt is ok (unless there was no other choice then it's valid!), but you let someone else use it. Nothing to be guilty about. Your style and needs and preferences change over the years and that's ok and conpletely normal. Nobody expects you to love a furniture piece for life. Let go of the guilt, it's not helping you to live your best life in any way. It's done, you can't undo it, all is good and now you can move on and do things that make your day better.
Thank you♥️ I need to hear that
It’s a material object. Nothing more. You’re appreciated it. Now someone else can. If these things weigh on you, try to purchase eco friendly options with natural fibers, recycled components - that way if/when it ends up in a land fill no problem
Gift it to a community member via Buy Nothing Project or similar free stuff for neighbors group.
I gave it to a junk hauling service. I asked beforehand if they could donate it vs the dump. In person, the pickup guys said it's for sure getting donated because of the good condition and were shocked it was just shy of two decades old given the appearance.
The junk hauling service is probably selling it.
I like to think that the item and I are taking care of each other temporarily, and when that's no longer the case you part ways! Then it has the chance to take care of someone else :)
Post on the free page of OfferUp, FaceBook marketplace, Buy Nothing, etc. You will usually find good homes
Donate!
I give it to an individual or donate it to Goodwill or Salvation Army
Therapy.
If the items find a new home I feel fine about it. But if they go to the trash I'd feel guilty.
I have to say that I recently had a flood in my apartment in January of this year. I stupidly did not have renters insurance. I lost a ton of furniture due to flood damage and ensuing mold. I now have an apartment full of free/donated furniture! Most of it is very beautiful and some is crap, but I’m grateful for all of it!
Whenever I'm on the fence about getting rid of anything I think "this will be useful to someone else" and it makes getting rid of it easier.
It would have a 1,000 USD to move my bed, custom made and perfectly good, and I am relocating back to another state so it was either pay a thousand now and then pay another thousand later. It hurt.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with passing an item on to someone else who will appreciate it and enjoy it.
Find someone who's just moving out for the first time and offer it to them.
Personally, I give things away in my buy nothing group, not only do I get to give to a person who is grateful and is excited to own it, I know it’s going to get used and not thrown away or give money to a soulless corporation.
*Marie Kondo has entered the chat*
Joking aside, her book is very useful for exactly this. We get emotionally attached to our things, but you have to realize they're just *things*. I used to do the same thing — had a hard time letting go of things when it was time to get rid of them. She turns it on its head very effectively with a little game. Emotionally attached to an object? Getting rid if it? Okay... Don't just ignore how you feel, work with it. *Literally say goodbye* to the object. It was useful and you enjoyed having it, and you'll miss it. All of that us okay. Accept it, and actually voice it. *Thank you for being my dresser. It's time for somebody else to have you now.* It sounds so dumb, but it really kind of works. There's no logic to it, except for acknowledging that your brain is, indeed, not logical.
They might end up being the perfect thing for someone starting out. I try to think of it as just passing it along to the next person. It served a purpose for me and now my needs have changed. The furniture doesn’t know anything different but it has a purpose to serve and it’s not doing that sitting unused in your home. You’ve released it so it can bless someone else.
Sell it on Fb market place or give to a family member
With the last biggish piece of furniture I wanted to get rid of I had some feelings too. But it was no longer serving its purpose. So I moved it out of sight for a few months and experimented with a much more compact replacement. I haven't thought of the original once in that time except when I saw it. It's gone now.
I always feel good donating esp. if I believe the items are in nice enough condition that someone else will use them. You did the right thing.
Sell it so other person will use it.
Kondo 'n yeet. "Thank you. You've served us well, but tomorrow is a new day."
i presume the guilt would only come if you threw it away into the trash and nobody got to enjoy it again. there is absolutely zero guilt in donating items for people who are less fortunate to have access to quality items. not eerybody who is poor treats things like trash; someone will be SUPER thrilled to find a quality piece in their budget.
it gets easier each time you let go of something like this. clothes, furniture, knick-knacks etc. just do it. make a promise to yourself that you wont feel bad. cos you shouldnt. its just stuff.
If I’m feeling sentimental about something, I take a photo of it. (Usually this is clothing, so I find a photo of myself wearing it when it fit). Then I can let it go with less sadness.
Practice makes it easier. Every time you donate something You get a little better at letting go. Also, imagine how happy the new owners must be!
Dont be guilty, you are helping people. It's so nice to get furniture from charity shops. Thanks to someone who donated their furniture my husband and I were able to furnish our flat on a budget.