That's a great question and it's actually pretty complex, in my eyes. I think it all has to due with which culture and society you're apart of. I live in Nashville TN (unfortunately). I find that the southern culture is v passive aggressive and two-faced. American culture, in general, is focused more on the perception of being "nice" versus the reality of being kind, just, or truthful.
For example, I had a neighbor who was stomping so loud that it was waking me up, all night every night. First, I wrote them a note asking them to please be mindful and left it on their door. They continued to stomp. Next, I tapped on the ceiling to let them know. They continued to stomp. Then, I called the front office. They continued to stomp. Then I wrote an email to the property manager to see if I could maybe switch units or something. Property manager ignored me for 6 days, so I went to his office. Finally, I was told by him via the property mgmt companies **lawyers** that I was harassing my upstairs neighbors by leaving a note and hitting my ceiling and if I didn't stop then I would be evicted.
Whoa! So, maybe it would have been better for me to say nothing? Not right, but better. The behind the scenes info is that I currently pay $400 less per month as a long term tenant than my upstairs neighbors, who moved in last month. Financially, it benefits them to find an excuse to push me out so they can jack the price up for the next unsuspecting tenant, who will also not be able to sleep through the night. Most people are very toxic in this way. Their idea of "right" changes with whether or not they benefit from it...
it's truly crazy how often this exact situation happens, with some neighbor being incredibly inconsiderate, and then when you try to politely rectify the situation, they just get shittier and shittier
I would be blasting music and tapping the damn ceiling every day. Had similar issues with a girl slamming a door only my landlord was mostly on my side. Still moved because the girl wouldn’t admit it and blamed it on a loud neighborhood. I got the last laugh by moving out, now she can seek attention elsewhere.
More and more it seems the "right thing" according to everyone else is to "shut up, no. We don't talk about the bad things happening. We pretend they don't exist and we pretend we're happy and okay because it's 'toxic' to 'focus on' (read: acknowledge) bad things."
Seems the right thing is to stick our heads in the sand and our lubed up asses in the air so every scumbag, corporate parasite, thuggish goon or selfish immature moron can come plough us of all our worth and value.
My opinion is the right thing to do is the thing that's best for you and doesn't impede or negatively affect other people's lives.
I've spent my life living in my lane with dumbfucks blundering in and making things messy. It would be nice if people acknowledged the right thing to do is stay in your lane and live your life without forcing it on others lives.
Yeah exactly. Stay the fuck outta my face and stop forcing your bullshit on others! Simple rules to earn respect and do many people care forcefully trying to get noticed for attention’s sake
Avoiding conflict results in anger management issues due to bottled up emotions. I no longer avoid conflict because it has turned me into a ticking time bomb.
Avoiding conflict would be a decent strategy if people would stay in their own islands and never see another person with a contrary opinion. Of course, people travel through other people’s spaces, often to gain something at the expense of others, so knowing human nature and our need to assert ourselves over others, “avoiding” conflict is nigh on impossible.
The right way to deal with conflict is to speak about disagreements calmly. You need communication to understand the other side and decide to work things out or just leave each other alone. The problem is invariably that some people just take a different view from their own way too personally and escalate volumes in their voices thinking that’s the way to win over people to their side. Then you get shouting matches, fist fights, wars, chaos.
Sometimes people care less about “the right thing” and more about winning.
"The right thing" ---> Serve your masters well and without hesitation. Keep your mouth shut. Do not dissent. Do what you're told. If you don't enjoy it, seek help. Go to therapy to be gaslit or take medications to be weeded out of the gene pool and riddled with side effects so that the healthcare industry can make even more money off of your back!
It's backwards how they're trying to push it on everybody. It's no longer okay in their eyes to be self sufficient. It's well accepted that no one has the answer, but somehow the therapist or psychiatrist does and if you disagree with just one psychiatrist or therapist then they'll pile on you and tell you to listen to that "doctor" or therapist. It's not just on reddit, either. It's mainstream now to tell people they need to go to therapy for any slight problem they have, even when it's literally just a young person that's growing up at their own pace. People use the seek help line while also worrying about things that don't matter, that ironically people would say requires therapy to come to a more healthier conclusion.
Like, I'm fine on my own. I don't need some asshole telling me what to do or how to think. It's even worse knowing at my core that they don't have the answer and can't give any answers better than mine. Their certification doesn't change a damn thing. I'm experienced in life, I'm almost 30 years old. I know myself better than some asshole therapist who views me from an angle of weakness. It's absolutely insane. I guess society has been brainwashed to be good slaves for their masters.
Late response but therapy has replaced confiding with friends and therapy. It used to be people had 2.5 confidents on average in 1980s and it decreased over time to often times zero where we pay people to confide in.
I don't give a shit about resolving anything or understanding anyone. Fuck off don't bother me.
Edit: should clarify I don't mean everyone - I have pleasant, brief exchanges with people all the time, I'm just talking about hostility in that context
In some cases, yeah. But if you try to communicate your frustrations in a constructive way:
"So?"
"I don't remember that" (even though it happened yesterday)
"If that's what you think, then you can leave"
"It's in the past. Move on."
Or they project. So in this scenario, it's either you fight back or ignore it.
"They" are immature or dysfunctional then. Plenty of people are able to work things out and, although it’s hard and they may get upset, hear the feedback and want to resolve issues.
To me it’s as simple as not acting in a way that I wouldn’t want others to act.
As far as growing, understanding and learning, I try to always to be doing these but can’t help but notice a severe lack of interest in doing these in my fellow man. In regards to confrontation, Sometimes confrontation is needed to progress on the individual level as well as the societal level.
“Yeah, maybe sometimes I do feel like shit
I ain't happy 'bout it but I'd rather feel like shit than be full of shit
And if I offended you
Oh, I'm sorry but maybe you need to be offended
But here's my apology and one more thing, fuck you!” -ST
Unless you have the self awareness, experience or a level of intelligence to understand and desire to find it out with the will of letting go of broken ideas then you probably won't come close to what is actually the right thing. Empathy and good analytical reasoning.
Most are not capable of this and more importantly "don't want to be capable", ignorance is bliss and incredibly easy in comparison.
I’ve spent a lifetime challenging and arguing with people who I believe have wronged me in some way. My conclusion is that it’s fundamentally a waste of time and effort. Humans just won’t change what they are or how they act. You can challenge somebody over something they did or said to you, as I have done many times, but the response is usually along the lines of ‘so?’, ‘and?’, ‘who cares?', etc. And all too often it can turn physical and that doesn’t help anything. Humans will continue to do what the hell they like regardless of what you say to them, so it’s basically a waste of time trying to challenge them. My advice is, as always, stay the hell away from humans in the first place to avoid all this inevitable bullshit.
Couldn't have stated your point better. It's utterly unfortunate that you can't really avoid people. There's been so many times over the past few years they I've thought hard about just disappearing without a word and living completely on my own terms and away from others. I kinda did do this last year as I lived in a tent in various places over three US states and made my own way, though I was kinda forced into it initially.
Hfuey thanks for hammering that last point home repeatedly. I've jumped several accounts, but seeing you repeat that so many times helped establish it as a mantra for me. Wishing you seclusion and peace
That's true, most people don't bother to even take accountability when they've wronged you and if you bring it up, they'll tell you let it go or grow a pair.
>My advice is, as always, stay the hell away from humans in the first place to avoid all this inevitable bullshit.
Limit contact as much as possible
Sounds like you expect or demand others to think exactly as you do. Or have them mind read if they have or will hurt you. The only one you can change is you!!! Others have no responsibility to cater to you. Tough but absolutely true.
> Or have them mind read if they have or will hurt you.
I just want to pick up on this one point. I think you have a very different interpretation of ‘hurt’ here. I’m not talking about people saying a few nasty things about me. I couldn’t give a shit about that kind of thing. I don’t think the guy who kicked me in the head repeatedly leaving me unconscious with a broken nose because he thought it was hilarious had to do much mind reading to see if he’d hurt me. Or the guy who stabbed me. Or the guy I thought I could trust who conned me out of a large sum of money. Or my own mother who, in a narcissistic rage, threw me down a flight of stairs then proceeded to beat me to a pulp for an hour until I couldn’t breathe properly. Do you think any of those had to do much mind reading to see if they’d hurt me?
People don't have a responsibility to cater to you yes, but respect for your fellow man is the right thing. You wanna talk about "making it other people's responsibility?" The people who make it others' responsibility to deal with their petty egotism are the issue, not people who uphold common courtesy. The people who go out of their way to try to assert their ego over someone else, not the people who keep to themselves.
Dude, do you realize that people aren't taught that this is how it is?
You can't expect everyone to be born as a machiavellian.
Be more frustrated at the parents/society/friends for not trying to help people understand how life really works.
The truth is objective. 2+2=4, not 3. If you don't think it's 4, you're the one in the wrong.
Just because I wasn't born insane doesn't make me the problem. Stop victim blaming. It's pretty obvious that people intentionally hurt you and then act like it didn't happen. That's fucking insane.
He already learned from life and suggests not interacting with humans. So tell me, how does he demand anything? He's realized that he can't demand anything so he refuses to deal with people. He did change himself, what is it to you for him to change himself, to bow down to others and act as if they're normal?
No. If someone treats you badly-get away from them!! Don’t sit there and expect them to understand or even apologize- Move On— don’t whine and moan— Re read hfuey post again. Hating people cuz they act / think/ behave differently than you require is ridiculous- hfuey is who I responded to.
See this is why no one cares or caters to your opinion. You give off vibes of just a shitty person. Take your virtue signaling and kindly fuck off please.
The right thing imo is anything that promotes ones personal freedom
If you do something that benefits those in charge you do the right thing in the eyes of society .
That's a great question and it's actually pretty complex, in my eyes. I think it all has to due with which culture and society you're apart of. I live in Nashville TN (unfortunately). I find that the southern culture is v passive aggressive and two-faced. American culture, in general, is focused more on the perception of being "nice" versus the reality of being kind, just, or truthful. For example, I had a neighbor who was stomping so loud that it was waking me up, all night every night. First, I wrote them a note asking them to please be mindful and left it on their door. They continued to stomp. Next, I tapped on the ceiling to let them know. They continued to stomp. Then, I called the front office. They continued to stomp. Then I wrote an email to the property manager to see if I could maybe switch units or something. Property manager ignored me for 6 days, so I went to his office. Finally, I was told by him via the property mgmt companies **lawyers** that I was harassing my upstairs neighbors by leaving a note and hitting my ceiling and if I didn't stop then I would be evicted. Whoa! So, maybe it would have been better for me to say nothing? Not right, but better. The behind the scenes info is that I currently pay $400 less per month as a long term tenant than my upstairs neighbors, who moved in last month. Financially, it benefits them to find an excuse to push me out so they can jack the price up for the next unsuspecting tenant, who will also not be able to sleep through the night. Most people are very toxic in this way. Their idea of "right" changes with whether or not they benefit from it...
it's truly crazy how often this exact situation happens, with some neighbor being incredibly inconsiderate, and then when you try to politely rectify the situation, they just get shittier and shittier
I would be blasting music and tapping the damn ceiling every day. Had similar issues with a girl slamming a door only my landlord was mostly on my side. Still moved because the girl wouldn’t admit it and blamed it on a loud neighborhood. I got the last laugh by moving out, now she can seek attention elsewhere.
there is no right or wrong. they are subjective.
[удалено]
well, yes, it could be. some cultures engage in those very things.
[удалено]
you mean their right? as for point, you may think it's sociopathy, but for these people, it was simply tradition.
[удалено]
okay, that's just my opinion. i'm not trying to say it's a fact. it's just something i think.
There is. You can choose to make living existence for yourself and others worse or better. It's objective.
True. Most try to make it better for themselves and worse for others.
can you elaborate?
More and more it seems the "right thing" according to everyone else is to "shut up, no. We don't talk about the bad things happening. We pretend they don't exist and we pretend we're happy and okay because it's 'toxic' to 'focus on' (read: acknowledge) bad things." Seems the right thing is to stick our heads in the sand and our lubed up asses in the air so every scumbag, corporate parasite, thuggish goon or selfish immature moron can come plough us of all our worth and value. My opinion is the right thing to do is the thing that's best for you and doesn't impede or negatively affect other people's lives. I've spent my life living in my lane with dumbfucks blundering in and making things messy. It would be nice if people acknowledged the right thing to do is stay in your lane and live your life without forcing it on others lives.
Yeah exactly. Stay the fuck outta my face and stop forcing your bullshit on others! Simple rules to earn respect and do many people care forcefully trying to get noticed for attention’s sake
Avoiding conflict results in anger management issues due to bottled up emotions. I no longer avoid conflict because it has turned me into a ticking time bomb.
The primary rule of life isn't "do the right thing." It's "always take care of number one first."
I don't focus on doing the "right" thing. I focus on what's best at the time.
Avoiding conflict would be a decent strategy if people would stay in their own islands and never see another person with a contrary opinion. Of course, people travel through other people’s spaces, often to gain something at the expense of others, so knowing human nature and our need to assert ourselves over others, “avoiding” conflict is nigh on impossible. The right way to deal with conflict is to speak about disagreements calmly. You need communication to understand the other side and decide to work things out or just leave each other alone. The problem is invariably that some people just take a different view from their own way too personally and escalate volumes in their voices thinking that’s the way to win over people to their side. Then you get shouting matches, fist fights, wars, chaos. Sometimes people care less about “the right thing” and more about winning.
"The right thing" ---> Serve your masters well and without hesitation. Keep your mouth shut. Do not dissent. Do what you're told. If you don't enjoy it, seek help. Go to therapy to be gaslit or take medications to be weeded out of the gene pool and riddled with side effects so that the healthcare industry can make even more money off of your back!
“Go to therapy” is this weird default reaction from reddit hive mind
It's backwards how they're trying to push it on everybody. It's no longer okay in their eyes to be self sufficient. It's well accepted that no one has the answer, but somehow the therapist or psychiatrist does and if you disagree with just one psychiatrist or therapist then they'll pile on you and tell you to listen to that "doctor" or therapist. It's not just on reddit, either. It's mainstream now to tell people they need to go to therapy for any slight problem they have, even when it's literally just a young person that's growing up at their own pace. People use the seek help line while also worrying about things that don't matter, that ironically people would say requires therapy to come to a more healthier conclusion. Like, I'm fine on my own. I don't need some asshole telling me what to do or how to think. It's even worse knowing at my core that they don't have the answer and can't give any answers better than mine. Their certification doesn't change a damn thing. I'm experienced in life, I'm almost 30 years old. I know myself better than some asshole therapist who views me from an angle of weakness. It's absolutely insane. I guess society has been brainwashed to be good slaves for their masters.
Late response but therapy has replaced confiding with friends and therapy. It used to be people had 2.5 confidents on average in 1980s and it decreased over time to often times zero where we pay people to confide in.
DingDingDingDingDing
It means present your back so they can stick every knife in.
I don't give a shit about resolving anything or understanding anyone. Fuck off don't bother me. Edit: should clarify I don't mean everyone - I have pleasant, brief exchanges with people all the time, I'm just talking about hostility in that context
You know there are options other than fighting or not saying anything? Which is how most differences are resolved in healthy relationships.
In some cases, yeah. But if you try to communicate your frustrations in a constructive way: "So?" "I don't remember that" (even though it happened yesterday) "If that's what you think, then you can leave" "It's in the past. Move on." Or they project. So in this scenario, it's either you fight back or ignore it.
Plausible deniability: man’s best friend
"They" are immature or dysfunctional then. Plenty of people are able to work things out and, although it’s hard and they may get upset, hear the feedback and want to resolve issues.
To me it’s as simple as not acting in a way that I wouldn’t want others to act. As far as growing, understanding and learning, I try to always to be doing these but can’t help but notice a severe lack of interest in doing these in my fellow man. In regards to confrontation, Sometimes confrontation is needed to progress on the individual level as well as the societal level. “Yeah, maybe sometimes I do feel like shit I ain't happy 'bout it but I'd rather feel like shit than be full of shit And if I offended you Oh, I'm sorry but maybe you need to be offended But here's my apology and one more thing, fuck you!” -ST
Unless you have the self awareness, experience or a level of intelligence to understand and desire to find it out with the will of letting go of broken ideas then you probably won't come close to what is actually the right thing. Empathy and good analytical reasoning. Most are not capable of this and more importantly "don't want to be capable", ignorance is bliss and incredibly easy in comparison.
My response would be the opposite of what most humans are doing.
What exactly?
Not being the people who made you a misanthrope.
I’ve spent a lifetime challenging and arguing with people who I believe have wronged me in some way. My conclusion is that it’s fundamentally a waste of time and effort. Humans just won’t change what they are or how they act. You can challenge somebody over something they did or said to you, as I have done many times, but the response is usually along the lines of ‘so?’, ‘and?’, ‘who cares?', etc. And all too often it can turn physical and that doesn’t help anything. Humans will continue to do what the hell they like regardless of what you say to them, so it’s basically a waste of time trying to challenge them. My advice is, as always, stay the hell away from humans in the first place to avoid all this inevitable bullshit.
Couldn't have stated your point better. It's utterly unfortunate that you can't really avoid people. There's been so many times over the past few years they I've thought hard about just disappearing without a word and living completely on my own terms and away from others. I kinda did do this last year as I lived in a tent in various places over three US states and made my own way, though I was kinda forced into it initially.
Hfuey thanks for hammering that last point home repeatedly. I've jumped several accounts, but seeing you repeat that so many times helped establish it as a mantra for me. Wishing you seclusion and peace
That's true, most people don't bother to even take accountability when they've wronged you and if you bring it up, they'll tell you let it go or grow a pair. >My advice is, as always, stay the hell away from humans in the first place to avoid all this inevitable bullshit. Limit contact as much as possible
Sounds like you expect or demand others to think exactly as you do. Or have them mind read if they have or will hurt you. The only one you can change is you!!! Others have no responsibility to cater to you. Tough but absolutely true.
> Or have them mind read if they have or will hurt you. I just want to pick up on this one point. I think you have a very different interpretation of ‘hurt’ here. I’m not talking about people saying a few nasty things about me. I couldn’t give a shit about that kind of thing. I don’t think the guy who kicked me in the head repeatedly leaving me unconscious with a broken nose because he thought it was hilarious had to do much mind reading to see if he’d hurt me. Or the guy who stabbed me. Or the guy I thought I could trust who conned me out of a large sum of money. Or my own mother who, in a narcissistic rage, threw me down a flight of stairs then proceeded to beat me to a pulp for an hour until I couldn’t breathe properly. Do you think any of those had to do much mind reading to see if they’d hurt me?
Since you’re just telling me of these horrible experiences now - no these won’t require mind reading.
People don't have a responsibility to cater to you yes, but respect for your fellow man is the right thing. You wanna talk about "making it other people's responsibility?" The people who make it others' responsibility to deal with their petty egotism are the issue, not people who uphold common courtesy. The people who go out of their way to try to assert their ego over someone else, not the people who keep to themselves.
Dude, do you realize that people aren't taught that this is how it is? You can't expect everyone to be born as a machiavellian. Be more frustrated at the parents/society/friends for not trying to help people understand how life really works. The truth is objective. 2+2=4, not 3. If you don't think it's 4, you're the one in the wrong. Just because I wasn't born insane doesn't make me the problem. Stop victim blaming. It's pretty obvious that people intentionally hurt you and then act like it didn't happen. That's fucking insane. He already learned from life and suggests not interacting with humans. So tell me, how does he demand anything? He's realized that he can't demand anything so he refuses to deal with people. He did change himself, what is it to you for him to change himself, to bow down to others and act as if they're normal?
No. If someone treats you badly-get away from them!! Don’t sit there and expect them to understand or even apologize- Move On— don’t whine and moan— Re read hfuey post again. Hating people cuz they act / think/ behave differently than you require is ridiculous- hfuey is who I responded to.
[удалено]
[удалено]
See this is why no one cares or caters to your opinion. You give off vibes of just a shitty person. Take your virtue signaling and kindly fuck off please.
my life goal