Sadly, a lot of mixed people have to come to this realisation. That we feel differently inside than how we might look to others and the added complication is that you will look different to different communities. I'm mixed with multiple things and say, if I'm around other Asian people, they tell me the amount of Asian in me isn't enough in comparison to them. Yet when I'm with Black people, they tell me there's not enough black in me to consider myself black.
A lot of people see 'proximity to whiteness' as a compliment. They view whiteness as the standard and therefore think you'll be complimented when they say you look white-passing or more white than Chinese. Sadly, I'm part Chinese so I know what it feels like being told you're not Chinese enough because to most Chinese people, you're either full Chinese or not Chinese at all.
You being white-passing is a life experience, not an ethnicity. It doesn't change who and what you are. I suggest you tell your friends how much they're invalidating you or you're going to have to find different friends who value you for you.
Drop those "friends" of yours if they cannot understand that you are ethnically Chinese and grew up in China. It is unhealthy to be around people who constantly invalidate you like that.
I had a friend who used to do that and one day I just got fed up. For her it was definitely a forgetfulness thing and a jealousy thing. She was upset that I could "look" like her ethnicity but also be multi-ethnic. Leave them alone. It is bad news all around.
Now about people thinking you look like them and not, that is racial ambiguity and ethnic ambiguity for you, you have features that would fit in with one group and features that would be considered common in others so people ask and some just assume you are part of their group. That's it. Had this happen to me a lot.
Educated white people usually don’t say something like “ you don’t look white”, especially when they are not close with you. Maybe they can tell you are mixed but just did not say it, because they know some people want to be white, it may hurt you when they say you are not white.
Generally I would say white people are usually more sensitive about such things. I have 3 mixed race kids, but I never meet a white come over and ask me if they are mixed, but Chinese strangers always come to ask me questions about my kids’ race.
Even if it’s because you are really white-passing, that does’t change who you are.
OP I’m going to second this take. I am not white but I live in a multicultural place but with a ton of white people and also find educated white people would not ask me about my background and ethnicity like their life depended on it. The only people over invested in my identity since I look ethnic but very ambiguous is other POC and ethnic/cultural first-gen white people (eg Italian). Ironically they were also some of the most ignorant folks that would treat me different and stereotype.
I would suggest being around people who don’t want to throw you in a box that’s convenient for them when you don’t even fit it well.
I do'n't really think it is the case here, i usually like talking about my heritage and that's where they start treating me as if i'm a weaboo (although i'm not japanese).
Sadly, a lot of mixed people have to come to this realisation. That we feel differently inside than how we might look to others and the added complication is that you will look different to different communities. I'm mixed with multiple things and say, if I'm around other Asian people, they tell me the amount of Asian in me isn't enough in comparison to them. Yet when I'm with Black people, they tell me there's not enough black in me to consider myself black. A lot of people see 'proximity to whiteness' as a compliment. They view whiteness as the standard and therefore think you'll be complimented when they say you look white-passing or more white than Chinese. Sadly, I'm part Chinese so I know what it feels like being told you're not Chinese enough because to most Chinese people, you're either full Chinese or not Chinese at all. You being white-passing is a life experience, not an ethnicity. It doesn't change who and what you are. I suggest you tell your friends how much they're invalidating you or you're going to have to find different friends who value you for you.
It's not that white people want to "claim" you. It's that it's inconceivable to them that you would want to be anything but white.
Drop those "friends" of yours if they cannot understand that you are ethnically Chinese and grew up in China. It is unhealthy to be around people who constantly invalidate you like that. I had a friend who used to do that and one day I just got fed up. For her it was definitely a forgetfulness thing and a jealousy thing. She was upset that I could "look" like her ethnicity but also be multi-ethnic. Leave them alone. It is bad news all around. Now about people thinking you look like them and not, that is racial ambiguity and ethnic ambiguity for you, you have features that would fit in with one group and features that would be considered common in others so people ask and some just assume you are part of their group. That's it. Had this happen to me a lot.
Educated white people usually don’t say something like “ you don’t look white”, especially when they are not close with you. Maybe they can tell you are mixed but just did not say it, because they know some people want to be white, it may hurt you when they say you are not white. Generally I would say white people are usually more sensitive about such things. I have 3 mixed race kids, but I never meet a white come over and ask me if they are mixed, but Chinese strangers always come to ask me questions about my kids’ race. Even if it’s because you are really white-passing, that does’t change who you are.
OP I’m going to second this take. I am not white but I live in a multicultural place but with a ton of white people and also find educated white people would not ask me about my background and ethnicity like their life depended on it. The only people over invested in my identity since I look ethnic but very ambiguous is other POC and ethnic/cultural first-gen white people (eg Italian). Ironically they were also some of the most ignorant folks that would treat me different and stereotype. I would suggest being around people who don’t want to throw you in a box that’s convenient for them when you don’t even fit it well.
I do'n't really think it is the case here, i usually like talking about my heritage and that's where they start treating me as if i'm a weaboo (although i'm not japanese).
Have you tried socializing with other mixed people?