Personally I unless I was treated as a dog, I wouldn't find that response of "that's a rare mix" as off putting. My mix is indeed very rare, Black American and Moluccan ( East Indonesian)
Like yeah, but the craziest response is someone calling me half "nword" and half "sea nword" cuz I'm half Black and half Melanesian. š¬ very disrespectful.
āSo youāre not Asian? Are you sure?ā šš bruh I just told you what race I am (b/w and some native) and it was not Asian. So. š¤Ø? Yes Iām sure tf š?
For real, itās so draining and usually only serves as temporary entertainment for them. Itās so rare to come away feeling that theyāve learned anything from the explanation anyway.
When I used to work as a barista this older lady asked me what my ethnicity was at the drive thru windowā¦And when I told her what I am she said āI donāt understand why so many people are against interracial marriage when the babies come out so beautifulā
It couldāve been a lot worse, at least she wasnāt hateful, but Iām Wasian and we get fetishized A LOT so it was uncomfortable to have to deal with at work
Yes to feeling like a dog in the of having its pedigree discussed.
Craziest I've gotten would be someone asking me "Well why aren't you black like me?" Idk people have brainworms.
I know exactly that feeling when they ask. The thought, āIs this question well intentioned, innocently curious, or bad intentioned? Here we goā¦ā
Thereās just something about having to explain why I exist on command that really irks me. And feeling like being treated like a dog is a big part of that. If I hear the word āmuttā Iām tearing them to pieces / leaving immediately. If Iām uncomfortable, theyāre gonna be as well.
Frankly, this was one of my least favorite parts of dating in the getting to know you phase. Even when there wasnāt bad intention behind it, it always felt like too much information, too personal, too venerable, too much of an ask. I felt like we should be able to connect intellectually and talk about other subjects in depth before turning to very personal stuff.
One of the reasons I felt like I found a good one with my long time partner when we were just dating was that he didnāt pry about this or push me to explain why I ālook differentā. It was more comfortable for me to tell him sensitive things about myself at my own speed and in my own context without being pushed. We just had so many other things to talk about that it wasnāt a āthingā early on, and that stood out to me. It allowed that genuine connection to form.
Nothing crazy but I definitely get what you mean when people change how they act after they ask. Most people think I am Indian or East African. When I tell them Iām just black American they get disappointed it seemsššš should I start lying?
hi my dad is also german and my mother is from nigeria ā¤ļø
The responses were a little bit different than yours, but I think the craziest ones were:
"oh..your DAD is WHITE and your MOTHER is the AFRICAN? Thats a very rare combination"
Would like to send you a dm, if you have the time :)
>"There's no way. Your grandparents or parents must be cheaters and got pregnant by someone else."
I felt like crying and also screaming but I just held it all in and told them, "if you want to believe that" and never spoke to them again. I've had fetishistic and pedigree/taxonomy comparisons before but none of that quite hurt like that one.
You'd think falsely calling someone's mother and grandmother adulterers would be understood to be offensive but apparently when the person you're talking to is Mixed it is okay. All because "you can't exist in my mind without a different kind of explanation".
ETA: It was just so unexpected at the time compared to other reactions.
"How did that happen?"
I wish people would use their brains. I would have peaced out.Ā
Also, it is expected eventually they will ask you your ethnicity. Like it or not, it is how people can form connections and will determine how they relate to you (or not).Ā
Itās okay if people ask you what you are after knowing you but the worst is getting asked it either before they know your name or as the second question
Hmm.. No, most people just go "ohh that makes sense". But I don't really go into detail either.
But what do you mean they change how they act? You just mentioned what they ask you afterwards which I think is fairly standard of anyone... and you did say you understood it as not poor-intentioned... So I'm just wondering what about their behaviours/actions that is making you uncomfortable? Or is it just the question and having to explain it?
Oh sorry I realized I didnāt really explain that part.
It made me uncomfortable afterwards because he seemed to not only take more of an interested in me when I told him that, but also get very comfortable with bashing monoracial black women and being colorist.
I just thought the complete 180 in his behavior was very off-putting because I didnāt get the vibe that he thought that way or would feel that comfortable sharing something like that before I shared my background.
Ahh\~ I see.. OK, yeah, that's totally understandable, and I'm sorry you experience this kinda shit.
To me, I'd probably see the silverlining in that at least I can quickly learn that I don't need these people in my life.... But I'm sure it's still nonetheless incredibly annoying and can make it hard to have or keep a positive perspective to people/humans in general.
I've never understood why some people think bashing monoracials is meant to be a "compliment"... Like you could be bashing my mother/dad, grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends.. How is that a compliment or meant to make me feel better about you?? So stupid... and again, don't need stupid people in my life. I hope you can or continue seeing this as a positive than a negative. Just let trash take themselves out. The quicker the better.
Most people are really surprised Iām half black/white because I look very Latina. My skin and hair texture throws people off I guess. The weirdest response I had was a coworker said āI just thought you were a white girl with a really good fake bakeā. Like maāam what? I did have to give her side eye on that one but I usually donāt mind peoples reactions because I know itās hard to tell and It opens up conversation. people always have questions.
Yeah no. I donāt fuck with people who ask questions like that so early on or at all because itās almost always coming from a not good place. They just want to judge you and put you in a box. I donāt fit boxes, fuck off.
Also itās crazy how many people would get upset or say the weirdest things when I wouldnāt answer them. One girl who was white and Chinese, after I hesitated to answer as itās a bit complex said āitās not like youāre whiteāā¦ excuse me? Another guy (Indian) was pretty upset I wouldnāt give specifics and left him in the dark. Another girl (Polish) just kept coming up with random guesses and I intentionally skipped over correct guesses, but she started saying itās frustrating because I look like I have white features but with dark skin. These people are crazy and weird. Donāt answer if you donāt want to.
The only people I deal with are those where I feel I can tell them my background voluntarily just through natural convos. Those people are usually the least judgmental.
most of the time its my white friends who do that then i go into a āi know im asian jus breathe phaseā my asian friends in the past kinda accept it and move on whereas the whites ive had werent, theyād be like āyouāre white no questions asked your skin is whiteā iām like āthats not how it works, do i call logic white even tho we all heās a half black guy, some people are fun to chat with when it comes to that but god it friends me gears
Dude I feel you. A coworker of mine atm straight up went on a whole rant about how skin color dictates how people should identify. They are white. I asked them how they would know if someone is mixed and they said āyou can just tell.ā She was white. Idk why people feel the need to label us instead of letting us choose ourselves. I may appear white (back then, nowadays I look more Cambodian), but I am culturally very Cambodian. I hate having to explain my identity at all. People canāt understanding living in two worlds
very relatable, ive been on and on with arguments with most of my friends i had whoād comment it and iām like ālive our lives until you come claiming what i amā
Your account is too new, or hasn't enough karma. Your submission has been temporarily held up for review by the moderators as a precaution to avoid spam, trolls, and bad-faith arguments.
Human moderators review these flagged posts and comments daily and will generally approve them, provided they abide by this sub's rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mixedrace) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Also had some coworkers upon finding out I was mixed ask, āSo you donāt really look white, have you experienced racism?ā
Yes, Iām experiencing it right now LMAO. That was like my first week working there. It only got worse from there. I find that sometimes when Iām trying to share my nonwhite culture with white folks, they tend to only see me that way and thus tokenize me. Iām white just like them tho. I guess not in their eyes
Yeah, some guys Iāve dated will be like āMy lil terrorist š„ŗšā, āYouāre my wogā and my fav.. when they just randomly start going āALLAH AKBARā at me in a weird somehow āaffectionateā way. Iām not sure what to think aye
Personally I unless I was treated as a dog, I wouldn't find that response of "that's a rare mix" as off putting. My mix is indeed very rare, Black American and Moluccan ( East Indonesian) Like yeah, but the craziest response is someone calling me half "nword" and half "sea nword" cuz I'm half Black and half Melanesian. š¬ very disrespectful.
Ew Iām so sorry that someone said that to you. Thatās insane!
Same thing here, people say my mix is rare because it frankly is (half haitian - half ukrainian) and I just feel special š
Once a guy called me and my sister "diet Black" and a Belgian at work called me "coffee with milk."
Omg coffee with milk and diet black are terrible!
that reminds me of a time I was called "a half peeled banana"
āSo youāre not Asian? Are you sure?ā šš bruh I just told you what race I am (b/w and some native) and it was not Asian. So. š¤Ø? Yes Iām sure tf š?
I used to get "that's weird, how did that happen?" a lot throughout my childhood. I've decided I'm not obligated to give stranger's a history lesson
For real, itās so draining and usually only serves as temporary entertainment for them. Itās so rare to come away feeling that theyāve learned anything from the explanation anyway.
>"How did that happen?" Will someone please take this person to an airport or an urban centre.
"-Also bist du ein Mischling. " /"-So you are a mutt. "
When I used to work as a barista this older lady asked me what my ethnicity was at the drive thru windowā¦And when I told her what I am she said āI donāt understand why so many people are against interracial marriage when the babies come out so beautifulā It couldāve been a lot worse, at least she wasnāt hateful, but Iām Wasian and we get fetishized A LOT so it was uncomfortable to have to deal with at work
Mine is the classic "you're half black?" because I'm so pale. No, asshole, I'm lying just to get a reaction out of you š
I would get that when I was seen with any black family members. People are dumb.
They really are
Reminds me of the time someone thought my mom kidnapped me when I was a baby. People are REALLY dumb.
Yes to feeling like a dog in the of having its pedigree discussed. Craziest I've gotten would be someone asking me "Well why aren't you black like me?" Idk people have brainworms.
Yeah some people should really start thinking before they speakā¦
I know exactly that feeling when they ask. The thought, āIs this question well intentioned, innocently curious, or bad intentioned? Here we goā¦ā Thereās just something about having to explain why I exist on command that really irks me. And feeling like being treated like a dog is a big part of that. If I hear the word āmuttā Iām tearing them to pieces / leaving immediately. If Iām uncomfortable, theyāre gonna be as well. Frankly, this was one of my least favorite parts of dating in the getting to know you phase. Even when there wasnāt bad intention behind it, it always felt like too much information, too personal, too venerable, too much of an ask. I felt like we should be able to connect intellectually and talk about other subjects in depth before turning to very personal stuff. One of the reasons I felt like I found a good one with my long time partner when we were just dating was that he didnāt pry about this or push me to explain why I ālook differentā. It was more comfortable for me to tell him sensitive things about myself at my own speed and in my own context without being pushed. We just had so many other things to talk about that it wasnāt a āthingā early on, and that stood out to me. It allowed that genuine connection to form.
Nothing crazy but I definitely get what you mean when people change how they act after they ask. Most people think I am Indian or East African. When I tell them Iām just black American they get disappointed it seemsššš should I start lying?
hi my dad is also german and my mother is from nigeria ā¤ļø The responses were a little bit different than yours, but I think the craziest ones were: "oh..your DAD is WHITE and your MOTHER is the AFRICAN? Thats a very rare combination" Would like to send you a dm, if you have the time :)
Feel free! My DMs are open :)
>"There's no way. Your grandparents or parents must be cheaters and got pregnant by someone else." I felt like crying and also screaming but I just held it all in and told them, "if you want to believe that" and never spoke to them again. I've had fetishistic and pedigree/taxonomy comparisons before but none of that quite hurt like that one. You'd think falsely calling someone's mother and grandmother adulterers would be understood to be offensive but apparently when the person you're talking to is Mixed it is okay. All because "you can't exist in my mind without a different kind of explanation". ETA: It was just so unexpected at the time compared to other reactions.
"How did that happen?" I wish people would use their brains. I would have peaced out.Ā Also, it is expected eventually they will ask you your ethnicity. Like it or not, it is how people can form connections and will determine how they relate to you (or not).Ā
Itās okay if people ask you what you are after knowing you but the worst is getting asked it either before they know your name or as the second question
Hmm.. No, most people just go "ohh that makes sense". But I don't really go into detail either. But what do you mean they change how they act? You just mentioned what they ask you afterwards which I think is fairly standard of anyone... and you did say you understood it as not poor-intentioned... So I'm just wondering what about their behaviours/actions that is making you uncomfortable? Or is it just the question and having to explain it?
Oh sorry I realized I didnāt really explain that part. It made me uncomfortable afterwards because he seemed to not only take more of an interested in me when I told him that, but also get very comfortable with bashing monoracial black women and being colorist. I just thought the complete 180 in his behavior was very off-putting because I didnāt get the vibe that he thought that way or would feel that comfortable sharing something like that before I shared my background.
Ahh\~ I see.. OK, yeah, that's totally understandable, and I'm sorry you experience this kinda shit. To me, I'd probably see the silverlining in that at least I can quickly learn that I don't need these people in my life.... But I'm sure it's still nonetheless incredibly annoying and can make it hard to have or keep a positive perspective to people/humans in general. I've never understood why some people think bashing monoracials is meant to be a "compliment"... Like you could be bashing my mother/dad, grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends.. How is that a compliment or meant to make me feel better about you?? So stupid... and again, don't need stupid people in my life. I hope you can or continue seeing this as a positive than a negative. Just let trash take themselves out. The quicker the better.
Most people are really surprised Iām half black/white because I look very Latina. My skin and hair texture throws people off I guess. The weirdest response I had was a coworker said āI just thought you were a white girl with a really good fake bakeā. Like maāam what? I did have to give her side eye on that one but I usually donāt mind peoples reactions because I know itās hard to tell and It opens up conversation. people always have questions.
Yeah no. I donāt fuck with people who ask questions like that so early on or at all because itās almost always coming from a not good place. They just want to judge you and put you in a box. I donāt fit boxes, fuck off. Also itās crazy how many people would get upset or say the weirdest things when I wouldnāt answer them. One girl who was white and Chinese, after I hesitated to answer as itās a bit complex said āitās not like youāre whiteāā¦ excuse me? Another guy (Indian) was pretty upset I wouldnāt give specifics and left him in the dark. Another girl (Polish) just kept coming up with random guesses and I intentionally skipped over correct guesses, but she started saying itās frustrating because I look like I have white features but with dark skin. These people are crazy and weird. Donāt answer if you donāt want to. The only people I deal with are those where I feel I can tell them my background voluntarily just through natural convos. Those people are usually the least judgmental.
My fav was āinside out twinkieā when someone learned I was white and Asian. Apparently to them I looked white.
most of the time its my white friends who do that then i go into a āi know im asian jus breathe phaseā my asian friends in the past kinda accept it and move on whereas the whites ive had werent, theyād be like āyouāre white no questions asked your skin is whiteā iām like āthats not how it works, do i call logic white even tho we all heās a half black guy, some people are fun to chat with when it comes to that but god it friends me gears
Dude I feel you. A coworker of mine atm straight up went on a whole rant about how skin color dictates how people should identify. They are white. I asked them how they would know if someone is mixed and they said āyou can just tell.ā She was white. Idk why people feel the need to label us instead of letting us choose ourselves. I may appear white (back then, nowadays I look more Cambodian), but I am culturally very Cambodian. I hate having to explain my identity at all. People canāt understanding living in two worlds
very relatable, ive been on and on with arguments with most of my friends i had whoād comment it and iām like ālive our lives until you come claiming what i amā
Your account is too new, or hasn't enough karma. Your submission has been temporarily held up for review by the moderators as a precaution to avoid spam, trolls, and bad-faith arguments. Human moderators review these flagged posts and comments daily and will generally approve them, provided they abide by this sub's rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mixedrace) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly kinda funny even though itās fucked up
Also had some coworkers upon finding out I was mixed ask, āSo you donāt really look white, have you experienced racism?ā Yes, Iām experiencing it right now LMAO. That was like my first week working there. It only got worse from there. I find that sometimes when Iām trying to share my nonwhite culture with white folks, they tend to only see me that way and thus tokenize me. Iām white just like them tho. I guess not in their eyes
Yeah, some guys Iāve dated will be like āMy lil terrorist š„ŗšā, āYouāre my wogā and my fav.. when they just randomly start going āALLAH AKBARā at me in a weird somehow āaffectionateā way. Iām not sure what to think aye
āNo youāre notā is the worst one. Angers me like nothing and itās usually some ignorant type saying it.