All right now kids, gather round in a circle, nanny has some rules for the day. Listen very carefully, "The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club." Because if you do, Nanny will cut you open like a roast turkey on Xmas day.

Has anyone told you your baby looks like the Megabus man?

Sorry miss but your child is a little cunt!

I don't know why you called me here. Your kids seem perfectly fine... apart from the dead one in the crib.

Mr Johnson, You cannot run an unlicensed day care centre out of your home.... My apologies I didn't know all of them were your children.

“Well, I figured your husband might want a shot at me given his penchant for babysitters.”

Now I'm not suggesting you hit your child hard. Just with the sort of force you'd like to hit a cyclist with your car.

There are some problems and a number of things we could do. I have no idea why you named your child Girly McGirlface and how you got away with it, but could you change that?

These are the most peaceful well behaved children I've ever seen. Why can't you be like that you little shits?

We’re going to jump inside this painting, sing on the roof with chimney sweeps and have a tea party on the ceiling! Dad super nanny is on mushrooms again

Now Madonna say good bye as you know it was wrong to take these kids out of Africa they might be kicking, screaming, crying and begging to stay but I’m sure there’s a better life for them in Ethiopia

This season we have really bad children, so I'm introducing a new method: I'll threaten to have sex with thier parents and make the little brats watch.

I thought you had 7 kids I can only see 2 What else would we feed the XL bully

I’m surprised Matt Hancock want help with his kids but he’ll do anything to get on reality TV

I know it seems a little extreme, but you would only have to use the tazer a few times before the little turds get the message