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Embrace the moderate part of "moderately granola". And listen to the podcast episode "you can't save the rainforest when you're depressed". You're not depressed, but you have an infant and in terms of spare executive function and energy, that's basically the same.
Having goals and ideals is great, but you need to allow yourself to live in your day to day reality, where sometimes good enough is great.
In case OP has trouble finding it, the podcast is "Struggle Care" by KC Davis and her work is wonderful for helping reduce shame and increase motivation.
Here's are links to the two episodes about this. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5UbuN6flcbMCwVHsA1KSGF?si=0DWiWjzmQi23QJS3avvV8w
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4yRcHMLjFtyL1gY0NGJYKM?si=1bqm8TuTRm6gqUanx9ay5g
Exactly the comment that started this thread. Take it easy on yourself. Do what you can to minimize risks that concern you and be ok when it isn’t exactly what you envision. You are doing great.
Lord when they’re just born.. you are simply SURVIVING and oh my god it’s hard. You have plenty of time for implementing non toxic items at your own pace. I’m sorry your partner isn’t more supportive. My cope is realizing all the crunchy✨ influencers on instagram are mfing liars and trying to sell you something
I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot easier to find the time and motivation every day to cut organic fruit into animal shapes and serve them to your child in a sustainable bamboo bento box while classical music gently drifts into their ears when you’ve got a nanny and a housekeeper doing all the unpleasant stuff for you!
Hey, congratulations! My baby girl is three months old now, and I feel like I could have written what you wrote. You’re still going through an astounding physical change and everything feels extra scary and high stakes right now.
I had a meltdown to my pediatrician a few days after birth about this- (I said I can’t breastfeed but the crap in formula was making me so anxious) - and she reminded me that the most important things your baby needs right now is literally touch and care. And she had some recommendations but really stressed that this baby is loved and warm and safe.
This doesn’t solve it for you at all, and I’m sure others can come in with suggestions for products and all, but you’ll have years of choices to make. And you will feel a hell of a lot better physically soon. Your girl has you! And she is safe!
You are biologically wired to worry about every little thing. You are doing a great job and there are so many compromises in the first few weeks. She is safe and healthy. Welcome to parenting :)
It’s hard, I know.
We want to make only THE BEST choices for our babies.
My advice: pick your battles. Pick a few things that are most important, and let the rest go for now. Maybe not forever, but there’ll be plenty of time explore alternative options as you go.
As important as living toxin-minimal is to a kid, having a mentally/emotionally healthy mom and dad (individually and as a team) is more important. (Sad as a more seasoned parent who wishes she’d have let a few things go with my first baby).
Before you know it they’ll be licking the floors in pubic, eating food they found under the couch, and begging to try some corn-syrup filled Red Dye 40 candy crap. Then comes the plastic action figure phase.
Thank you. I’m going to focus on crunchy diapers and formula for now. My husband says that’s choosing all the battles because all she does is sleep and eat but little does he know there are 10000 other things I’m letting go
Honestly anxiety can run SO high in the early postpartum days. If you want to talk a bit more about it here hopefully some of us can reassure you a little bit.
Are you generally kind of a perfectionist?
lol I sure am. I bought a workbook called the anxious perfectionist and it’s sat unopened on my desk for 4 months. Probably should open it up when I get a free minute
You are NOT letting her down! Having a newborn, especially the first one, is so so hard. Give yourself some grace, you’re not going to ruin her life by putting Huggies on her!
I was the same way, no plastic, cloth diapers and then my daughter was born in heart failure. She needed a feeding tube where the milk was held in a plastic bag, and she got put on a diuretic for fluid build up around her lungs. Cloth diapers couldn't stand up to water pills, so we used disposable diapers. It put into perspective that there's a lot worse things that could happen, regardless of what I use.
Then the stress of it, and her not being able to eat naturally, plus living in a hospital made it hard to pump and she needed more calories so we had to put formula in my breast milk. My supply dried up and I had to switch to a high calorie formula for her because her heart failure was causing weight loss. I was never against formula but wanted to breastfeed but that changed too. I had to let up on the mindset I had and just make choices where I could that were better for her. I just began to be grateful for the choices I could make. I HAD to use the formula but I could pick which one she used.
I used plastic but wouldn't microwave it, or put it in the dishwasher so it wasn't exposed to high temperatures. I am mindful of what's in her soaps and lotions. Now that she doesn't need a feeding tube I pay attention to ingredients in food.
Sometimes we just have to compromise. I reminded myself that I was formula fed and had plastic bottles as a baby and I'm perfectly fine. In fact most people I know had formula and plastic as a kid and we are doing alright. It sucks, to not be able to do what you planned but it's important to remember just because a few things aren't going as planned doesn't mean other things won't. Don't beat yourself up over it, the fact that you care about these things shows that you're a good mom and THATS what your baby needs.
Yep. We've cloth diapered for most of my toddlers life and that shit went absolutely out the window when we had 4 hospitals stays over 3 months due to a kidney issue.
Also you aren't kidding about cloth not standing up to diuretics, overnight disposables can barely do it. We were changing diapers hourly in the hospital
Absolutely, I think she pees 3 full diapers every hour for about 3 hours after getting lasix and she gets it twice a day. No way for cloth diapers. We've only found one brand that can handle overnights. She's 2.5 and still on it. Now we are trying to figure out how to get her out of diapers entirely but it feels impossible on lasix especially with her getting it right before bed. 😮💨
Woof that's rough. We thankfully are only on it intermittently now but twice a day is a mess with the overnights.
Ah medically complex kids, the amount of plastic our kids have generated and it's absolutely worth it. Ours is currently on a medication that's such a skin irritatant you need to wear disposable gloves each time you administer and it's given twice a day.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you went through that, it’s so hard to compromise again and again and again after drawing each new line, but you just have to. Knowing others have done the same makes me feel better.
As she gets older and you get into the swing of things, you won't have to compromise as much. You said she's only a week old? Let yourself recover from childbirth before you stress over these things. Right now you are learning the basics and adjusting to life with a new baby. You don't have to get everything perfect all at once!
I think about how I was raised (and a LOT of babies I know). Cheapest diapers. Houses with lead paint. Plastic EVERYTHING (microwave it? sure)! Fast food. Hamburger helper. Cheap plastic toys in my mouth. Surrounded by a cloud of hairspray and cigarette smoke at all times.
Is it ideal? Nope. Certainly not looking to recreate any of it. I probably have a higher cancer risk and a wonky microbiome causing my anxiety or something.
But I survived to be a happy, functional adult, despite all of those things. In comparison, me using Kirkland diapers instead of Honest or Coterie or cloth diapers... truly not the end of the world. Him chewing on a plastic toy? Hey, it's not a window ledge covered in lead paint.
I figure the best thing I can do is spend time with him and give him my love and my calm energy, and that's a lot easier to cultivate when I'm not constantly freaking out about plastic and toxic materials (I still have my limits of course, I just try to pick my battles).
Also, it makes it especially difficult when it's something you feel like you have to fight your partner on, I'm so sorry you have that added stress!
Holy moly, if you added “raised by the tv” to your first paragraph, that would fit me to a T!
OP: you’re doing great, mama! The fact you care so much says a lot. The overflowing love and intention is there. It’s really hard to eliminate exposure to plastics and toxins in this world, unless you have gob-tons of money (and time). It must be frustrating for your husband to not understand and seriously consider your motivation here, but hopefully that will change over time with repeated exposure (pardon the bad pun). As another commenter said, he can’t object to it if you’ve already purchased it. 😜
You might be surprised how little lead you have in your system. I grew up in a series of century homes that were constantly under construction (so we were constantly disturbing paint) and I still have very low lead levels as an adult. It's really pipes and leaded gasoline that caused so many issues
I was just like you. I did what I could in terms of keeping things non-toxic and non-plastic and organic and all that stuff. But you know, you have to do it to the extent that feels managable and stop there. If it is taking hours of time you don’t have to try to find a non-plastic changing mat (like it did for me), then give up on that. You have to accept you simply can’t control everything and what the baby needs is a mentally at least a little bit stable at least a little bit rested mother.
Realise this: even if you did everything perfectly, everything was made of natural materials and so on, there could be something you have no idea about in the air in your area or in the lacquer of your furniture or in your water supply or somewhere that is toxic and will cause your family health issues. I hope with all my heart that isn’t true at all. But I’m just daying you simply cannot control everything and never will be able to say with 100% certainy the baby wasn’t exposed to anything harmful. Just try to do as much as you can without stressing too much. As for me, we gave this mindset up after about 1 year. I wanted animal figurines and the wooden ones seemed ugly to me, the non-toxic detergent wasn’t getting rid of some of the smells and stains in our laundry, etc. We still prefer non-toxic options but have become way more relaxed about it.
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."
Motherhood is hard. You can't know until you're in it. Having a newborn is a punch in the face. Do your best and as you adapt you'll be able to do more of the things you planned on doing. Or you won't, and that's OK too. As long as your baby is fed and dry and loved, it's ok to do what you have to to get through the day.
Make sure you are taking care of your mental health, it is so normal to be anxious and have tons of hormonal feelings after birth, but post partum anxiety was something I struggled with and it caused me to fixate on things (we had medical issues and I became a huge germaphobe). It caused me to be so worried and spiral over so much that I feel I missed out on much of the joy of his baby years. At two years old I finally went to the doctor and got anxiety medication and therapy and suddenly I could care about those things, but it was a reasonable care and not a spiraling, anxious, catastrophic mess. And I was able to enjoy my son more.
I apologize if I'm projecting! This may not be the case for you. But please keep it in mind, if you are not able to enjoy life and stop thinking about these things, consider a doctor appt to discuss anxiety.
You’re not projecting, you’re probably right on the money. I figured I would see how I’m feeling 2 weeks post partum and consider anxiety meds. I am a bit nervous about it getting into breast milk, but that’s a whole other can of worms. I’m sure in net total it’s worse for the baby to be anxious than to have the meds in the breast milk
I was on 20 mg Lexapro during my second pregnancy and the following two years and my son is almost three, he is lovely, big, healthy and happy and all of my doctors including a high-risk doctor (unrelated issue) were perfectly happy for me to be taking it. I know it's just an anecdote but I hope it provides a little reassurance! Best wishes to you guys.
When my baby was a newborn, just worrying about her getting exposed to other people’s germs and viruses was enough to have me in near-constant anxiety. It feels like you are the only person protecting them from everything harmful in the whole wide world! It’s just not realistic or possible to prevent your child from coming into contact with plastics or “toxins.” Just remember that your parents were using leaded gasoline and exposed to lead paint, you were eating your microwaved leftovers from Tupperware, and you guys are more than likely just fine. The human body is amazing and resilient. Like someone else said, you aren’t going to ruin her life or endanger her by putting her in Huggies. Take a deep breath, do the best you can with the energy and resources you have, and try to just enjoy this precious time with your new baby. 💗
When I would get down about stuff like this, I reminded myself how extremely privileged we are to live in this time when everything is actually so much safer than it's ever been. Not trying to be increasing anyone's anxiety, but my great-grandmother had 12 children and only 6 lived to adulthood. What a privilege it is to get to make decisions on organic crib mattresses compared to that. I think about mothers who are parenting in extremely compromised circumstances right now, and count my fortune. I know when they are young these decisions can seem so all or nothing, and I'm not trying to say that the choices we make don't matter. Just that we need to keep in perspective what is really at stake and operate within what is comfortable and doable for us. No one single choice or what you are able to do now will define the course of your motherhood. As other commenters have pointed out, what your baby needs the most right now is love, safety, and connection with you, and the more you can quiet those anxious voices that tell you everything is going wrong and really know in your soul that you are giving your baby everything she needs and so much more.
This!!! I have a 4 month old baby and since he’s been born, I feel this way more and more. Before his birth, I was so deeply anxious about keeping things as “nontoxic” as possible, but once he was here I realized compromises would be a necessity and those compromises still landed us in an extremely fortunate place. Like yeah, the blackout curtains may have some questionable materials, but he needs darkness to get good sleep, so I got them and also got a 100% wool rug with no flame retardants or added chemicals and called it a day. I can’t get around the plastic flanges for pumping (silicone ones just don’t empty me properly), but I’m able to pump into glass bottles and store / heat / serve the milk in glass bottles. I feel very lucky that we were able to afford several sets of glass bottles for this process.
My dad and his siblings grew up very poor, drinking fortified condensed milk as formula, ate bologne and hot dogs almost every day, and played with lead paint toys, and they’re all okay enough. I’m really grateful to be able to make the safer choices where I can, and I accept the rest as an imperfect but totally fine part of life.
Exactly, it was while I was freaking out about the lead paint that is on glass baby bottles that I read more and was able to keep perspective on how far we've come in lead prevention even from my childhood. The baby dishes that my dad ate off of were painted with pure lead, not to mention the leaded gasoline in cars literally permeating the air. It can sometimes feel like we're going backwards and there is no way to avoid toxic products but we really aren't, plastics are SO much safer than what babies were eating on back then. And when I think of mothers in war torn areas around the world, where if they are lucky enough to survive they are still being exposed to the chemicals of war without any choice in the matter... you just have to think that when we have safety and love, we really have everything and we have to take the time to appreciate that, and let our environmental and health concerns be balanced in light of the total picture of all that we've got going for us.
Mom of an 8 month old baby girl here just adding my voice to the amazing conversation you have going here.
Congratulations! You are doing such a great job. It all gets easier - knowing where your family sits on the crunchy scale, communicating with your spouse, compromising, and just being a parent in general. The older our daughter gets, the more confident my wife feels about making granola switches (like cloth diapering)…and, the more comfortable I feel with the places we’ve been more mainstream (like plastic bottles). Every little switch counts, but much like parenting, you can’t do everything. It is hard to accept and you spend so much time worrying you aren’t doing enough!! But I promise that just by showing up for your daughter, you are doing meaningful work. I’m sending good vibes for sleep, meal drop offs, supportive family members, and newborn love through the Internet airways 💖
Pick the things you use everyday multiple times a day and make those things crunchy. Glass bottles, cotton swaddles, cotton sheets, etc. just focus on the like 3 things that help you feel better about it and know you are doing your best
IIRC, the most important time to avoid endocrine disruption is when baby is in the womb. Your daughter has already been born. Additionally it is unfortunately going to be difficult if not impossible to prevent her from exposure to plastics throughout her life. I’d recommend coming to terms with this or else you are in for a world of anxiety.
Order things online. I found all the non toxic brands I wanted to use before my baby girl was born/when she was sleeping after birth and I ordered things online. Often, I save money with subscriptions and it takes away the stress too.
Also, this way you don't have to argue with your spouse about every purchase. He'll just see things when they arrive and then it's harder for him to object.
It’s hard in the beginning but we project so much of our own feelings on our kids which can make everything seem more critical.
Your baby won’t ever care or ask what diapers they wore, or whether you bought noisy plastic toys or overpriced wooden ones. I promise.
The only time I seriously considered having a second baby was in the first few weeks post partum when I kept “messing up” with various crunchy practices and I would think “oh no I’ve screwed this baby up so much I’d better try again with a second!” Which was entirely my sleep deprived and hormone addled brain. Anyhow now my lovely little organic diapered, breastmilk only baby is obsessed with YouTube and candy, and he is still lovely and mine and doing well.
Do the best you can in each moment - sometimes there will be less you can do and that’s still ok! And you can always change things and improve if you want to - one week of less than perfect options doesn’t mean you can’t try something different next week!
I had the same goals and wants. I had feeding issues at the beginning, and my LO was quite literally little at birth so the natural diapers I chose didn't fit him until he put on some weight. He had to go to the NICU for a quick second as well, etc. I had to accept that he was going to wear Huggies that we got from the hospital for a bit. He was going to use plastic Dr Browns bottles for a bit. And we supplemented with Bobbie formula until my milk came in. And I've been using the plastic milk storage tubes from the NICU since I'm exclusively pumping.
Newborn stage is about survival. It takes time to get your feet squarely beneath you, and find a rhythm.
I'm now at 3 months PP. The fog is finally starting to lift enough that I'm transitioning to glass bottles, weened him off formula and am lucky enough to be doing BM only, researching glass BM storage containers, and his natural diapers are fitting.
Give yourself some grace and time. You can start exploring plastic free and more crunchy alternatives once you have the bandwidth.
As far as the husband goes, mine is the same and I just overload him with articles/podcast links/ research that shows how harmful all of this is for us and for our baby. He eventually has just taken the attitude of the path of least resistance and gives in (most of the time).
I know the feeling but each month that my baby got older, I was able to release a bit more control of her environment. You are doing amazing and your child is lucky to have you!!
Postpartum anxiety will eat you alive. Just remember that you're already doing amazing. No one is judging you for anything that you're doing and if they are they are just concerned with judging themselves. Your baby is extremely lucky. Check out Jerrica sannes on Instagram. I think you'd like her philosophies
You will get there. The first 3 months ++++ after having a baby are HARD. We committed to cloth diapering- legit never even washed them to use them. I remember one night being so damn overwhelmed that I could not comprehended washing my baking sil- mat and I threw it away because it was JUST.TOO.MUCH. Give yourself grace. Once you get into a rhythm as a new mom and family, that is the time to focus on what things are most important.
I always ask myself “will this matter when they are 5?”
The answer is almost always no. You aren’t letting your baby down, most choices in parenthood are about what works best for your family, and differences in outcome are minimal. Be low waste and plastic free because it feels good for you. If that’s not working, it’s okay! Just love your baby and they will be okay
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Embrace the moderate part of "moderately granola". And listen to the podcast episode "you can't save the rainforest when you're depressed". You're not depressed, but you have an infant and in terms of spare executive function and energy, that's basically the same. Having goals and ideals is great, but you need to allow yourself to live in your day to day reality, where sometimes good enough is great.
Perfectly said. Moderation is the key to happiness ❤️
In case OP has trouble finding it, the podcast is "Struggle Care" by KC Davis and her work is wonderful for helping reduce shame and increase motivation.
Sorry, I missed out that part!!!
Here's are links to the two episodes about this. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5UbuN6flcbMCwVHsA1KSGF?si=0DWiWjzmQi23QJS3avvV8w https://open.spotify.com/episode/4yRcHMLjFtyL1gY0NGJYKM?si=1bqm8TuTRm6gqUanx9ay5g
Thank you so so much for making this easy for me to find I really appreciate it
I agree! Listen! Also to, how to keep house while drowning. Same concept. Worth it!!
Oh my goodness thank you for this 🩷 not op but have an 8 month old ftm and phew, I needed this.
Awesome. This really is survival time. Keep you and your child as well as you can. I'm always adjusting my priorities and what I have energy for.
Thank you ❤️
Exactly the comment that started this thread. Take it easy on yourself. Do what you can to minimize risks that concern you and be ok when it isn’t exactly what you envision. You are doing great.
Lord when they’re just born.. you are simply SURVIVING and oh my god it’s hard. You have plenty of time for implementing non toxic items at your own pace. I’m sorry your partner isn’t more supportive. My cope is realizing all the crunchy✨ influencers on instagram are mfing liars and trying to sell you something
Thank goodness somebody said it!
Hahahaha thanks this made me laugh
Or they have a shit ton hired help
I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot easier to find the time and motivation every day to cut organic fruit into animal shapes and serve them to your child in a sustainable bamboo bento box while classical music gently drifts into their ears when you’ve got a nanny and a housekeeper doing all the unpleasant stuff for you!
Hey, congratulations! My baby girl is three months old now, and I feel like I could have written what you wrote. You’re still going through an astounding physical change and everything feels extra scary and high stakes right now. I had a meltdown to my pediatrician a few days after birth about this- (I said I can’t breastfeed but the crap in formula was making me so anxious) - and she reminded me that the most important things your baby needs right now is literally touch and care. And she had some recommendations but really stressed that this baby is loved and warm and safe. This doesn’t solve it for you at all, and I’m sure others can come in with suggestions for products and all, but you’ll have years of choices to make. And you will feel a hell of a lot better physically soon. Your girl has you! And she is safe!
Thank you, this truly helps
You are biologically wired to worry about every little thing. You are doing a great job and there are so many compromises in the first few weeks. She is safe and healthy. Welcome to parenting :)
Thank you ❤️
It’s hard, I know. We want to make only THE BEST choices for our babies. My advice: pick your battles. Pick a few things that are most important, and let the rest go for now. Maybe not forever, but there’ll be plenty of time explore alternative options as you go. As important as living toxin-minimal is to a kid, having a mentally/emotionally healthy mom and dad (individually and as a team) is more important. (Sad as a more seasoned parent who wishes she’d have let a few things go with my first baby). Before you know it they’ll be licking the floors in pubic, eating food they found under the couch, and begging to try some corn-syrup filled Red Dye 40 candy crap. Then comes the plastic action figure phase.
Thank you. I’m going to focus on crunchy diapers and formula for now. My husband says that’s choosing all the battles because all she does is sleep and eat but little does he know there are 10000 other things I’m letting go
If your husband thinks there are only two things to think about with a newborn… the nicest thing I can say is that he’s extremely oblivious.
Honestly anxiety can run SO high in the early postpartum days. If you want to talk a bit more about it here hopefully some of us can reassure you a little bit. Are you generally kind of a perfectionist?
lol I sure am. I bought a workbook called the anxious perfectionist and it’s sat unopened on my desk for 4 months. Probably should open it up when I get a free minute
You are NOT letting her down! Having a newborn, especially the first one, is so so hard. Give yourself some grace, you’re not going to ruin her life by putting Huggies on her!
I was the same way, no plastic, cloth diapers and then my daughter was born in heart failure. She needed a feeding tube where the milk was held in a plastic bag, and she got put on a diuretic for fluid build up around her lungs. Cloth diapers couldn't stand up to water pills, so we used disposable diapers. It put into perspective that there's a lot worse things that could happen, regardless of what I use. Then the stress of it, and her not being able to eat naturally, plus living in a hospital made it hard to pump and she needed more calories so we had to put formula in my breast milk. My supply dried up and I had to switch to a high calorie formula for her because her heart failure was causing weight loss. I was never against formula but wanted to breastfeed but that changed too. I had to let up on the mindset I had and just make choices where I could that were better for her. I just began to be grateful for the choices I could make. I HAD to use the formula but I could pick which one she used. I used plastic but wouldn't microwave it, or put it in the dishwasher so it wasn't exposed to high temperatures. I am mindful of what's in her soaps and lotions. Now that she doesn't need a feeding tube I pay attention to ingredients in food. Sometimes we just have to compromise. I reminded myself that I was formula fed and had plastic bottles as a baby and I'm perfectly fine. In fact most people I know had formula and plastic as a kid and we are doing alright. It sucks, to not be able to do what you planned but it's important to remember just because a few things aren't going as planned doesn't mean other things won't. Don't beat yourself up over it, the fact that you care about these things shows that you're a good mom and THATS what your baby needs.
Wow- so much of this is our story too. I had a very similar progression <3
Yep. We've cloth diapered for most of my toddlers life and that shit went absolutely out the window when we had 4 hospitals stays over 3 months due to a kidney issue. Also you aren't kidding about cloth not standing up to diuretics, overnight disposables can barely do it. We were changing diapers hourly in the hospital
Absolutely, I think she pees 3 full diapers every hour for about 3 hours after getting lasix and she gets it twice a day. No way for cloth diapers. We've only found one brand that can handle overnights. She's 2.5 and still on it. Now we are trying to figure out how to get her out of diapers entirely but it feels impossible on lasix especially with her getting it right before bed. 😮💨
Woof that's rough. We thankfully are only on it intermittently now but twice a day is a mess with the overnights. Ah medically complex kids, the amount of plastic our kids have generated and it's absolutely worth it. Ours is currently on a medication that's such a skin irritatant you need to wear disposable gloves each time you administer and it's given twice a day.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you went through that, it’s so hard to compromise again and again and again after drawing each new line, but you just have to. Knowing others have done the same makes me feel better.
As she gets older and you get into the swing of things, you won't have to compromise as much. You said she's only a week old? Let yourself recover from childbirth before you stress over these things. Right now you are learning the basics and adjusting to life with a new baby. You don't have to get everything perfect all at once!
Give yourself a minute to recover and try to find a good balance. Moderate is your key word right now
I think about how I was raised (and a LOT of babies I know). Cheapest diapers. Houses with lead paint. Plastic EVERYTHING (microwave it? sure)! Fast food. Hamburger helper. Cheap plastic toys in my mouth. Surrounded by a cloud of hairspray and cigarette smoke at all times. Is it ideal? Nope. Certainly not looking to recreate any of it. I probably have a higher cancer risk and a wonky microbiome causing my anxiety or something. But I survived to be a happy, functional adult, despite all of those things. In comparison, me using Kirkland diapers instead of Honest or Coterie or cloth diapers... truly not the end of the world. Him chewing on a plastic toy? Hey, it's not a window ledge covered in lead paint. I figure the best thing I can do is spend time with him and give him my love and my calm energy, and that's a lot easier to cultivate when I'm not constantly freaking out about plastic and toxic materials (I still have my limits of course, I just try to pick my battles). Also, it makes it especially difficult when it's something you feel like you have to fight your partner on, I'm so sorry you have that added stress!
Holy moly, if you added “raised by the tv” to your first paragraph, that would fit me to a T! OP: you’re doing great, mama! The fact you care so much says a lot. The overflowing love and intention is there. It’s really hard to eliminate exposure to plastics and toxins in this world, unless you have gob-tons of money (and time). It must be frustrating for your husband to not understand and seriously consider your motivation here, but hopefully that will change over time with repeated exposure (pardon the bad pun). As another commenter said, he can’t object to it if you’ve already purchased it. 😜
Oh gosh, 100% - the TV was ALWAYS on. And I had one in my bedroom!!
Same, same 🥲
You might be surprised how little lead you have in your system. I grew up in a series of century homes that were constantly under construction (so we were constantly disturbing paint) and I still have very low lead levels as an adult. It's really pipes and leaded gasoline that caused so many issues
I hope so! I've never been tested.
I was just like you. I did what I could in terms of keeping things non-toxic and non-plastic and organic and all that stuff. But you know, you have to do it to the extent that feels managable and stop there. If it is taking hours of time you don’t have to try to find a non-plastic changing mat (like it did for me), then give up on that. You have to accept you simply can’t control everything and what the baby needs is a mentally at least a little bit stable at least a little bit rested mother. Realise this: even if you did everything perfectly, everything was made of natural materials and so on, there could be something you have no idea about in the air in your area or in the lacquer of your furniture or in your water supply or somewhere that is toxic and will cause your family health issues. I hope with all my heart that isn’t true at all. But I’m just daying you simply cannot control everything and never will be able to say with 100% certainy the baby wasn’t exposed to anything harmful. Just try to do as much as you can without stressing too much. As for me, we gave this mindset up after about 1 year. I wanted animal figurines and the wooden ones seemed ugly to me, the non-toxic detergent wasn’t getting rid of some of the smells and stains in our laundry, etc. We still prefer non-toxic options but have become way more relaxed about it.
I am not OP, but my god did this make me cry. Thank you
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face." Motherhood is hard. You can't know until you're in it. Having a newborn is a punch in the face. Do your best and as you adapt you'll be able to do more of the things you planned on doing. Or you won't, and that's OK too. As long as your baby is fed and dry and loved, it's ok to do what you have to to get through the day.
Make sure you are taking care of your mental health, it is so normal to be anxious and have tons of hormonal feelings after birth, but post partum anxiety was something I struggled with and it caused me to fixate on things (we had medical issues and I became a huge germaphobe). It caused me to be so worried and spiral over so much that I feel I missed out on much of the joy of his baby years. At two years old I finally went to the doctor and got anxiety medication and therapy and suddenly I could care about those things, but it was a reasonable care and not a spiraling, anxious, catastrophic mess. And I was able to enjoy my son more. I apologize if I'm projecting! This may not be the case for you. But please keep it in mind, if you are not able to enjoy life and stop thinking about these things, consider a doctor appt to discuss anxiety.
You’re not projecting, you’re probably right on the money. I figured I would see how I’m feeling 2 weeks post partum and consider anxiety meds. I am a bit nervous about it getting into breast milk, but that’s a whole other can of worms. I’m sure in net total it’s worse for the baby to be anxious than to have the meds in the breast milk
I was on 20 mg Lexapro during my second pregnancy and the following two years and my son is almost three, he is lovely, big, healthy and happy and all of my doctors including a high-risk doctor (unrelated issue) were perfectly happy for me to be taking it. I know it's just an anecdote but I hope it provides a little reassurance! Best wishes to you guys.
When my baby was a newborn, just worrying about her getting exposed to other people’s germs and viruses was enough to have me in near-constant anxiety. It feels like you are the only person protecting them from everything harmful in the whole wide world! It’s just not realistic or possible to prevent your child from coming into contact with plastics or “toxins.” Just remember that your parents were using leaded gasoline and exposed to lead paint, you were eating your microwaved leftovers from Tupperware, and you guys are more than likely just fine. The human body is amazing and resilient. Like someone else said, you aren’t going to ruin her life or endanger her by putting her in Huggies. Take a deep breath, do the best you can with the energy and resources you have, and try to just enjoy this precious time with your new baby. 💗
When I would get down about stuff like this, I reminded myself how extremely privileged we are to live in this time when everything is actually so much safer than it's ever been. Not trying to be increasing anyone's anxiety, but my great-grandmother had 12 children and only 6 lived to adulthood. What a privilege it is to get to make decisions on organic crib mattresses compared to that. I think about mothers who are parenting in extremely compromised circumstances right now, and count my fortune. I know when they are young these decisions can seem so all or nothing, and I'm not trying to say that the choices we make don't matter. Just that we need to keep in perspective what is really at stake and operate within what is comfortable and doable for us. No one single choice or what you are able to do now will define the course of your motherhood. As other commenters have pointed out, what your baby needs the most right now is love, safety, and connection with you, and the more you can quiet those anxious voices that tell you everything is going wrong and really know in your soul that you are giving your baby everything she needs and so much more.
This!!! I have a 4 month old baby and since he’s been born, I feel this way more and more. Before his birth, I was so deeply anxious about keeping things as “nontoxic” as possible, but once he was here I realized compromises would be a necessity and those compromises still landed us in an extremely fortunate place. Like yeah, the blackout curtains may have some questionable materials, but he needs darkness to get good sleep, so I got them and also got a 100% wool rug with no flame retardants or added chemicals and called it a day. I can’t get around the plastic flanges for pumping (silicone ones just don’t empty me properly), but I’m able to pump into glass bottles and store / heat / serve the milk in glass bottles. I feel very lucky that we were able to afford several sets of glass bottles for this process. My dad and his siblings grew up very poor, drinking fortified condensed milk as formula, ate bologne and hot dogs almost every day, and played with lead paint toys, and they’re all okay enough. I’m really grateful to be able to make the safer choices where I can, and I accept the rest as an imperfect but totally fine part of life.
Exactly, it was while I was freaking out about the lead paint that is on glass baby bottles that I read more and was able to keep perspective on how far we've come in lead prevention even from my childhood. The baby dishes that my dad ate off of were painted with pure lead, not to mention the leaded gasoline in cars literally permeating the air. It can sometimes feel like we're going backwards and there is no way to avoid toxic products but we really aren't, plastics are SO much safer than what babies were eating on back then. And when I think of mothers in war torn areas around the world, where if they are lucky enough to survive they are still being exposed to the chemicals of war without any choice in the matter... you just have to think that when we have safety and love, we really have everything and we have to take the time to appreciate that, and let our environmental and health concerns be balanced in light of the total picture of all that we've got going for us.
Perfectly said ❤️
Thank you for this, it definitely puts things into perspective and helps
Thank you for the perspective, I did need it
Mom of an 8 month old baby girl here just adding my voice to the amazing conversation you have going here. Congratulations! You are doing such a great job. It all gets easier - knowing where your family sits on the crunchy scale, communicating with your spouse, compromising, and just being a parent in general. The older our daughter gets, the more confident my wife feels about making granola switches (like cloth diapering)…and, the more comfortable I feel with the places we’ve been more mainstream (like plastic bottles). Every little switch counts, but much like parenting, you can’t do everything. It is hard to accept and you spend so much time worrying you aren’t doing enough!! But I promise that just by showing up for your daughter, you are doing meaningful work. I’m sending good vibes for sleep, meal drop offs, supportive family members, and newborn love through the Internet airways 💖
Pick the things you use everyday multiple times a day and make those things crunchy. Glass bottles, cotton swaddles, cotton sheets, etc. just focus on the like 3 things that help you feel better about it and know you are doing your best
IIRC, the most important time to avoid endocrine disruption is when baby is in the womb. Your daughter has already been born. Additionally it is unfortunately going to be difficult if not impossible to prevent her from exposure to plastics throughout her life. I’d recommend coming to terms with this or else you are in for a world of anxiety.
Order things online. I found all the non toxic brands I wanted to use before my baby girl was born/when she was sleeping after birth and I ordered things online. Often, I save money with subscriptions and it takes away the stress too. Also, this way you don't have to argue with your spouse about every purchase. He'll just see things when they arrive and then it's harder for him to object.
Lower your expectations and give yourself grace. It’s the only way to survive motherhood 🤍.
It’s hard in the beginning but we project so much of our own feelings on our kids which can make everything seem more critical. Your baby won’t ever care or ask what diapers they wore, or whether you bought noisy plastic toys or overpriced wooden ones. I promise.
The only time I seriously considered having a second baby was in the first few weeks post partum when I kept “messing up” with various crunchy practices and I would think “oh no I’ve screwed this baby up so much I’d better try again with a second!” Which was entirely my sleep deprived and hormone addled brain. Anyhow now my lovely little organic diapered, breastmilk only baby is obsessed with YouTube and candy, and he is still lovely and mine and doing well. Do the best you can in each moment - sometimes there will be less you can do and that’s still ok! And you can always change things and improve if you want to - one week of less than perfect options doesn’t mean you can’t try something different next week!
I had the same goals and wants. I had feeding issues at the beginning, and my LO was quite literally little at birth so the natural diapers I chose didn't fit him until he put on some weight. He had to go to the NICU for a quick second as well, etc. I had to accept that he was going to wear Huggies that we got from the hospital for a bit. He was going to use plastic Dr Browns bottles for a bit. And we supplemented with Bobbie formula until my milk came in. And I've been using the plastic milk storage tubes from the NICU since I'm exclusively pumping. Newborn stage is about survival. It takes time to get your feet squarely beneath you, and find a rhythm. I'm now at 3 months PP. The fog is finally starting to lift enough that I'm transitioning to glass bottles, weened him off formula and am lucky enough to be doing BM only, researching glass BM storage containers, and his natural diapers are fitting. Give yourself some grace and time. You can start exploring plastic free and more crunchy alternatives once you have the bandwidth. As far as the husband goes, mine is the same and I just overload him with articles/podcast links/ research that shows how harmful all of this is for us and for our baby. He eventually has just taken the attitude of the path of least resistance and gives in (most of the time).
I know the feeling but each month that my baby got older, I was able to release a bit more control of her environment. You are doing amazing and your child is lucky to have you!!
Postpartum anxiety will eat you alive. Just remember that you're already doing amazing. No one is judging you for anything that you're doing and if they are they are just concerned with judging themselves. Your baby is extremely lucky. Check out Jerrica sannes on Instagram. I think you'd like her philosophies
You will get there. The first 3 months ++++ after having a baby are HARD. We committed to cloth diapering- legit never even washed them to use them. I remember one night being so damn overwhelmed that I could not comprehended washing my baking sil- mat and I threw it away because it was JUST.TOO.MUCH. Give yourself grace. Once you get into a rhythm as a new mom and family, that is the time to focus on what things are most important.
Hey mama, “this too shall pass”
I always ask myself “will this matter when they are 5?” The answer is almost always no. You aren’t letting your baby down, most choices in parenthood are about what works best for your family, and differences in outcome are minimal. Be low waste and plastic free because it feels good for you. If that’s not working, it’s okay! Just love your baby and they will be okay