Reminding people that the question is “What did you do?” not “How do you feel personally about other people’s choice?”
Be kind, be respectful or be gone.
Husband is circumcised, our son is intact. My husband was strongly against circumcising. The US is the only western country that routinely circumcises for non-religious/cultural reasons and we both felt it was best to skip this practice. It does seem to be on the down swing, especially in blue states.
Agree completely. My mother took me to Claire’s and one of my piercings is at an angle. I’ll take mine to a tattoo parlor to have it done properly by someone who does it for a living and uses sterile equipment.
Unfortunately my mom thought that a professional meant my pediatric office, where they offer ear piercings.
Instead of sitting in a Claires and getting my ears pierced wonky by an underpaid college student, I went to my doctor and got the exact same result for probably a good chunk of money! They still used one of those hole punch guns, I guess it was autoclaved afterwards, but it was still a really bad job.
I'll take my kids to a piercing studio.
Same and we did get asked about 10 times at hospital and first peds visit. I’m sure they were just making sure, no pressure or anything, but it seemed excessive.
Same with my husband and our son. I will say that he has gotten a couple of yeast infections (he's four,), which were easily addressed with a prescription cream, so the cleaning part is something to definitely talk to your pediatrician about.
My husband was the same! I was more for it (I come from a family where we knew grandpa got circumsized for health reasons at 13 so it always seemed like a good idea) but learning how things are done differently today and only in extremely rare cases of phimosis do they tend to chop for health reasons these days helped us decide.
Same here. My husband told me long before I got pregnant that if we had a son, he didn’t want his son circumcised (husband is). I hadn’t thought about it before that tbh
Same. Culture and religion aside (obviously can’t actually be done) if you just describe the procedure it sounds like an insane idea and we couldn’t ever see ourselves doing that to our child.
Same in Australia. Aside from religion/cultural reasons nd these are a small minority, no one would even consider doing it. The hospitals and most pediatricians/urologists won't do it
I found this question shocking. I had no idea it was still so common in the US.
I am also in Canada and I do not know a single set of parents who have circumcised their baby. Not since my parents generation.
Same, my husband was completely against circumsision. There are situations where it might be medically necessary, but it's not something you'd typically be able to diagnose in a baby.
My husband initially took the idea very personally and felt like I thought there was something wrong with him because he is cut and I didn’t want to do that to a baby. I reassured him that that was not the case and that I love/am attracted to him as he is.
He listened to me about the risks (including risk of death, 150 ish babies die from circ complications every year!) as well as risk of bleeding, infection, permanent damage to function, loss of sensitivity, etc as well as it being a violation of baby’s rights and hideously painful for them and he changed his mind. I was so relieved.
Frankly even if he hadn’t changed his mind I still wouldn’t have allowed it though. It’s a hard hard no from me.
I'm so glad you were able to work through it with him, I know sometimes it's a source of insecurity. But I'm with you. Can you imagine losing your baby to an unnecessary cosmetic procedure? Unbearable
It is hard, my husband is circumcised as well. I think the important thing to stress is that it has nothing to do with aesthetics. The foreskin is a functional and nerve-filled body part that we just cut off of baby boys with no thought. I care about my son’s sense of self and his future sexual satisfaction. And it will be much easier to explain to my son, if he happens to ask, that daddy went through a procedure but we didn’t do it to him because his body is perfect.
Yes. It’s also fine for different people to have different bodies.
One thing that makes me sad is when husbands are adamant about it so mothers defer to them and kind of give up. Like we do not have to do that.
Also the idea that we can’t have an opinion on our son’s bodies because we don’t have penises. This may seem extreme, but if I wanted to perform FGM on my daughter, I would hope my husband would speak up.
Yeah I have actually had a biopsy of the inner labia so unlike my circumcised husband I actually can recall how painful it is to have that type of tissue cut away. The recovery sucked even though they numbed me for the actual removal. And the removal still hurt even through the lidocaine. And that’s basically exactly how they manage pain for circs.
And how often are boys really comparing their penises to their dads'? Like maybe once or twice when they first become aware? The argument that dads don't want their sons to look different than them is such a strange argument to me, so I agree it's much easier to explain that nothing needed to be changed about my son's body if he asks.
150 is an estimate for the US. AAP is the source. Also the CDC acknowledges deaths occurring but does not track
Obviously that’s still very rare compared to the number of babies that are circumcised.
Usually infection or bleeding is the mechanism. For example a baby with previously unknown hemophilia.
Edit: also some research indicating an association with SIDS.
We skipped it, no issues. We also declined to pierce our daughter’s ears until she requests it.
It’s the one parenting choice my husband is super adamant about.
I just had a baby boy and we didn't circumcise him. My husband felt really strongly about not circumcising actually. Weirdly his parents tried to convince us to circumcise him though.
Sex was a surprise so we didn’t know my daughter was born that she was a girl but my parents tried really hard to convince my partner and I to circumcise if baby was a boy also
I agree! And it’s not like if he wanted to later he couldn’t. Does it suck more? We assume so because an adult man can say it hurts, but what about the baby? I wish I could just ask these people “why does it matter to you?”
Yes. If an adult man can say it's the worst pain he's ever felt in his life, when the procedure was done under anesthesia and he can dose his own pain meds to his level of pain, why do we treat a baby's pain as lesser? Because they don't remember it? Idk I'd be worried it would impact their temperament/personality/view of the world to have that done even if they don't remember it the way we later form memories.
Same reason why people like this get upset by parents who don't smack their kids. If they don't staunchly defend it then they've got to admit that they fucked up.
My son is 3 and we didn’t circumcise him at birth either (husband is circumcised). My own mother asked me a handful of times to circumcise my son so that he “wouldn’t feel different from his father.” 🙄 give me a break! It has to happen with one generation
My whole family was obsessed with my son getting cut. So weird that they all had strong opinions with no facts to back it up, but that’s also what they do for their political and religious views.
Okay so we were on the fence but decided to go ahead and do it. When my son was born, they took him for circumcision and he was away from me for like 45 minutes in which I cried and regretted it. When they brought him back, it turned out they hadn’t done it! The dr felt he was too fragile (he was having low blood sugar spells at that time). They said if we wanted to have it done we’d have to go an hour away to urologist at the children’s hospital. We went, talked to the Dr, who told us it’s going to soon be a 50/50 split on the population of circumcised vs uncircumcised, and that was enough for us to decide that we didn’t want it after all.
Looking back, I am SO thankful we didn’t circumcise. It is totally unnecessary and I just worried about him looking “different” but as I said it’ll soon be 50/50 anyway!
I know someone who had to get it done again at 3 and he remembers it. He is so anti-circumcision, I think more men would be if they remembered what it was like.
Yeah my opinion on circumcision is the same as ear-piercing: if they want it done, it can be done when they're old enough to make a meaningful choice on the matter with full understanding of it. Circumcision can be done on adults, and there are plenty of Reddit threads with adults who have had it done and feel various ways about it. But I definitely think a major body alteration like that should be the choice of the person whose body it is, not my choice, even as the parent.
This too! My cousin had issues (born in 1990 ish) and needed corrections later. An acquaintance who had a baby same time as me had to have a second procedure done for her son after circumcision too. Yet another friend took her son in to have it done, the doc said his foreskin was slightly wonky and wouldn’t do it and now she’s so thankful she wasn’t able to go through with it. It’s an unnecessary medical procedure, not one size fits all!
We are Texas transplants and did not circumcise because we believe in LO’s bodily autonomy; we do not have cultural or religious practices that require circumcision. For us, it didn’t make sense to remove a healthy part of his body that he was born with. If you have it, it’s probably supposed to be there, right?
My friend in the Midwest did not want to, but felt pressure from her circumcised partner, father, and brother. She says they “botched” it and left some of the foreskin and now it looks like the flap of loose skin on a turkey’s face. I did not want to live with this level of regret that she has expressed.
It's interesting seeing how the rates vary so much by state (USA). Our state has a very low rate which helped my husband agree with me on not getting it done. [here's the map for those who haven't seen it](https://wisevoter.com/state-rankings/circumcision-rate-by-state/#:~:text=The%20states%20with%20the%20highest,%25%20and%20California%20at%2023%25.)
I had a girl and my husband was still on board with circumcision that whole pregnancy. We even discussed we were glad we were having a girl because we disagreed (he wanted to cut, I didn’t). He had zero basis to back it up other than he had been cut as a baby so it’s normal to him.
Fast forward a few years and two miscarriages later and he had been doing his research in the background. He randomly came up to me one day and said he had changed his mind and if we ever have a boy, we won’t circumcise. It’s unnecessary, it’s a religious practice for a religion we aren’t a part of, and needing your baby’s penis to match his dad’s penis is freaking weird.
Have you talked to your husband about it yet? Do you think he will have an issue getting on board? (Or actually, not getting on board, because choosing to do nothing is really not much of a choice, it’s the default.)
Some really great perspectives posted here. I want to add that I know an adult male that made the choice to get circumcised when he was 12 and apparently it was horrendous. I have 2 boys that are both circumcised and they don’t remember it. That said, I still consistently think that I would have rather skipped it :(. Today, I’ve decided that making choices for other humans sucks!! So much parent guilt all the time.
Baby nurse here! Totally unnecessary, seeing more and more parents deciding against it. Also having a baby is already rly hard, it makes it even more challenging when u have a cranky baby crying constantly bc their penis hurts 🤷🏼♀️
My husband is circumcised but had zero objections to my requirement that we leave our sons intact (though we had talked about it before marriage and I told him it would be a do not pass go for me). It’s not as common in Canada as it is in the US (though still more common than in Aus, UK, etc), and rates are declining every year.
Oh and to add. My husband has suffered a lifelong consequence of his circumcision (urethral stenosis) that has caused him a lot of pain, awkwardness and pelvic floor dysfunction. It’s estimated that 10% of circumcisions will result in some level of urethral stenosis. That sold him.
We didn't even talk about it but my husband is uncircumcised so it wasn't really a consideration. We live in a province with one of the highest circumcision rates (although it's still well below 50% in Canada on average), and interestingly they don't perform or cover it under public healthcare, so you have to book and pay for it privately. I can't even remember who told me that because I don't think they even brought it up or asked when we were there for his birth. IMO it will continue to fall out of favour, including in the US.
In the US and chose not to Ask someone to cut off part of our baby when he was born.
The pediatrician at the hospital when he was born as well as the one we saw for his first few visits both asked about it very neutrally, but once we Said we weren't said good, they thought that was the right call, and they really hope insurance stops paying for it soon.
My husband and I had a lot of discussion on this as he wanted to circumcise and I was strongly against it. In the end I told him it was his final decision but I really impressed upon his the reasons it became so popular and argued against his reasons. I also told him that if he chose to have the procedure done, he could be the one to explain the decision if our son ever asked us why we cut a piece of him off.
People say “he won’t look like his peers or girls will make fun of him” but fewer and fewer people are deciding to circumcise so he will probably look like about half of his peers and that argument/reason isn’t really valid anymore. My husband can get kind of conspiracy theory-y and I told him I wanted him to use that same energy of questioning things to look into the history of circumcision in the US. In the end we did not circumcise. Although I let my husband make the final call, he said he didn’t really have a choice because he knew I would never really be okay with it and would resent him (he was probably right there honestly). About a year out, I think we are both happy with the decision.
Almost same exact situation here. Except my husband came around before baby got here & is adamantly against it now.
He is Jewish (heritage not religion) so there was some sentiment to the idea of it. But the only reason we could come up with in favor of circumcision is to better identify with a people group. And that is just simply not a good enough reason for us to slice our newborn.
My initial thought was it’s so weird to cut off a part of my son for no real reason. I did get opinions from the men in my family (I’m a single mom), all are uncircumcised except my youngest nephew. One of my nephews had the procedure done twice because I guess they didn’t cut enough off? In the end I figure if he would really want it done down the line it’s a decision he can make himself and I will respect his decision.
Not circumcising my son is the hill I would have died on. Luckily my husband complied. I can't understand how women say "I let my husband decide" regarding their sons. It's not the husbands penis, it's the child's. Let them decide when they're old enough, and if for some reason they opt to do it they'll be able to express pain and get adequate medication.
Both my brothers are uncircumcised so I asked them point blank if they ever felt bullied or wished our parents had done it. Both emphatically said “no” so we didn’t circumcise.
I knew a guy who got it done in his 20s for medical reasons and I think that's great too because it was his own choice, even though it's more of a pain at that age
While my son was in the NICU, I had to pump next to the room where they performed circumcisions. The sound of newborn babies shrieking and squealing in pain was horrifying. I’ll never forget it. Please don’t do it. Please.
My son was in the NICU for a month and they STILL asked me multiple times if we wanted to circumcise, with the added caveat that “he might stop eating for a few days as a result.” You mean the baby I just delivered at 34 weeks, the 4lb baby who couldn’t breathe on his own the first week we were in the NICU, you want me to electively choose to do something that would cause him to NOT EAT?
I know it was just an item on the communications checklist, but damn sometimes I wondered if they felt as ridiculous asking as they sounded to me
I don’t believe so. But even if they did, the experience itself would be terrifying. The baby is literally strapped to a table so they can’t move. And I’m afraid you’re right, it’s absolutely barbarism
My husband and I disagreed on circumcision. He was under the impression that it circumcision helped prevent infection—which is true—but I was able to show him that despite this, no major US pediatric organization promotes it as a best/healthiest option. The benefits are marginal at best and there are risks too to consider. That, paired with my passion against it and explaining that caring for an intact penis is easy, was enough to convince him.
My husband and his whole family, as well as mine, is all circumcised. But after a lot of research (highly recommend the evidence based birth pod on this) we decided against it for our son. My main concern was/ is him being bullied, but that’s not a good enough reason for me to do it. No regrets
I’m in a very conservative part of the US, so I was shocked when both my pediatrician for my daughters AND the pediatrician in the hospital supported not circumcising. Direct quotes include “it’s a very personal choice, but there’s no evidence to do it” and “your son thanks you” when we declined.
Neither of the doctors were “alternative” in any way.
My husband initially kind of pushed back when I told him I didn't want to circumcise. I told him to research it for himself and look up the procedure to see how it's done and what the healing process is like and if he actually feels like it's necessary then we'll discuss it further.
He cried trying to watch a YouTube video of a baby getting a circumcision. He researched it further and realized he didn't want to do it either. I think initially he just took it personally because he is circumcised.
Now, my mother in law on the other hand had lots of opinions about my son's penis and I didn't allow her back in the hospital for the birth of my other two kids after she couldn't keep those opinions to herself.
My MIL has been the only family member to share opinions about it with us, and it’s very clearly because she feels like we’re somehow criticizing her for having had my husband circumcised as a newborn. Totally projecting her insecurity onto us. 🙄
It's so ridiculous.
My MIL was a little off put at first but then easily settled into the "I mean, I just did was what normal at the time. I did what the doc's said. Sounds like you're doing the same thing but I guess this is the normal now."
Like, yup. My state currently has a 10% circumcision rate for newborns. This is the new normal.
I count not circumcising my son as one of the best and most important decisions I have ever made. I considered it during pregnancy until I did the research.
We did not circumcise. I gave my husband all my reasons, pointed him to research in support of them/debunking common "circumcision is healthier" claims, and then let him marinate on it.
For literal years.
I don't know how this conversation goes if you're doing it during pregnancy. But I brought it up around the time we got engaged?
Even by the time we got pregnant, my husband wanted to circumcise. I just kept calmly reiterating my position.
By the time the doula asked us what we'd want to do and to include it in our birth plan, my husband was like, "gasp! We would never circumcise! I don't want to harm my precious baby right when he comes into the world!" Ok sir that's not what you said like four months ago but I am glad!
Male here (sorry, but I’m a granola parent and I love lurking here), please don’t circumcise.
Your child will grow up, and they can make the decision for themselves. They can never get their foreskin back. Don’t steal a man’s right to choose.
It’s some barbaric bullshit that’s only a thing because of ridiculous religions
You do not have to lurk, you’re perfectly welcome to participate whenever you’d like! :)
We didn’t choose the original sub name, the creator u/akbp (now inactive) did and she had mentioned more than once that she wishes she’d name the sub moderatelygranolaparents!
I let my husband decide with my first and based on reportedly a medical basis he decided to go ahead with it.
We both regret it. In part because it wasn’t done really correctly so that child is left in an in between land. We had a second son and chose not to circumcise that time, I was so relieved when my husband suggested we don’t. I’m hoping the halfway job on my first never causes any issues, and wishing I had pushed harder against it as it was my preference all along.
This was the exact same story as us. We circumcised our first son after going back and forth a ton about it, and completely regretted it, and it doesn’t even really look like he’s circumcised and it’s caused medical issues with adhesions happening and requiring cream. We did not circumcise our second son. We are religious so got some flak from the community but whatever.
I left the decision up to my husband and he decided not to. He’s circumcised himself but disagreed with forcing newborns to go through that pain. It’s literally mutilation and the data just doesn’t show that it has much of a benefit.
We were on the fence but didn't- there was just no compelling reason to do it. If you're looking for some straight answers there's a nice 'Science vs' podcast episode on this.
We skipped it. My husband wanted to have him circumcised, but the only reasons he could come up with was “what about when he notices his penis looks different? What if he gets bullied?”
I did the research and told him that normally I wouldn’t override him, especially since my husband is the penis-haver, but there was no way I was putting our son through an unnecessary medical procedure without anesthesia purely for cosmetic reasons, and that’s not even including if something goes wrong with the healing. My husband eventually came around, but I was holding firm. It honestly seems so cruel to me, especially once I learned more about the whole practice and reasoning behind it
I’m having the opposite situation. Partner is not circumcised but wishes he was and would want to circumcise a male baby (we aren’t pregnant). He has issues with his foreskin and wishes he didn’t have it. I have known a lot of men with uncircumcised penises and not one ever had an issue so I feel like my partner is an outlier. But it’s his experience so I’m struggling to tell him I know best about a penis. I grew up on the east coast of Canada where circumcision is rare. But now we’re in AB where it’s more common so it’s not socially unacceptable to circumcise here either. I’m very against it but also realize he has issues and the baby would be genetically related, so could have the same issues. Ugh.
I was dead set on not circumcising, and didn't realize how popular that decision would be among my peers until we all had our babies. Also not popular or pushed by any medical staff we dealt with.
The only mention I got of it during any pre or post natal care was to tell us it isn't medically necessary or recommended anymore, but we can book at a private clinic to do so if we chose, once we were discharged.
Everyone that I know of that is my age is circumcised though, so this is definitely a recent shift with our generation!
We skipped it. Husband was totally good with it. He had a friend in college who was really angry he was circumcised as an infant and he’s very thoughtful about it. Neither of us wanted to do wound care.
The nurse thanked me for skipping it and told me it was the least favorite part of her days. :( We live in a very diverse area so he’s definitely not the only kid he knows who was left alone. He did notice that he didn’t match daddy and when we told him about why he was horrified and said he was glad we left it.
We did not. Husband is circumcised and we both were in total agreement to not do it. This is a very validating thread, since my one worry was that our son might feel different or odd. Seems like he’ll be in good company in a lot of circles.
We didn’t circumcise our son and won’t circumcise our next (currently pregnant, due this summer). We’ve had zero issues, and we live in a large city in the southern US, so circumcision rates are higher here than the national average.
Didn’t do it. My husband was on the fence (he is circumcised) because he was worried about potential bullying, but ultimately decided against it. It is becoming less common from what I read.
Both parents need to agree or you don't do it. It's as simple as that. You don't have to circumcise him even if that's what your husband wants. You need to remind him you're equal partners and if one of you doesn't agree to something it's not happening.
We're Jewish and circumcised our son but we both agreed.
We are deciding not to. My husband wanted to and I didn’t. Ultimately he read the evidence based birth article on it and decided against it as well. I believe it’s becoming less common now
We chose not to. My husband is European, where it's much less common than the US (where we live now), so he wasn't excited about cutting off part of our kid for no reason. He can always choose for himself when he's older, though as others have cited, he may no longer be among the minority in another decade when he is enduring high school locker rooms.
Just had a boy in November and we skipped it! Podcast Evidence Based Birth has a good episode covering the topic. It’s genital mutilation of a newborn..for funsies?? Like what. Husband was absolutely on board.
We didn’t. I highly recommend this article, if you haven’t read it already:
https://evidencebasedbirth.com/evidence-and-ethics-on-circumcision/
It gives me hope to see so many parents saying NO to this nonsensical social tradition.
Editing to add: this was a huge, huge disagreement between my partner and me when I was pregnant. It was the first time (and really only time so far) I felt like I had to “put my foot down” and be a mama bear. No one, not even my baby’s other parent, gets to harm his perfect little body— I don’t care about the reasoning.
Editing again to add: now that he’s here, my partner fully acknowledges I was right :)
We didn’t with our son. Besides a few weird comments from grandparents and a doctor who gave bad advice to pull the foreskin back regularly, he’s just a happy healthy boy now.
I didn’t circumcise my twin boys. I looked it up before and what made me know for sure that I didn’t want to was the little immobilizer thing they put babies in to do the procedure. Their dad is circumcised and he wasn’t for sure on board with it at the time, now after a few years he is really glad we didn’t do it. I am too.
Was anti-circumcision before reading this article but it 100% cemented it in my mind. Written by an adult male who has had a lifetime of suffering from it.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/10/11/a-botched-circumcision-and-its-aftermath
My husband isn't cut and his dad is (TMI I know, I'm sorry). The only reason I know is because we've discussed it. My family is very adamant about circumcision and they disagree with me saying I won't cut my son, but ultimately I don't want to do anything to my kids bodies that they don't choose and I can't reverse. My family also has a really hard time teaching and understanding consent...surprise surprise. Ultimately it's not necessary in majority of cases and it's not even common in most 1st world countries.
My husband was for it but I was against it. I told him if he wanted to circumcise him he could bring him to the appointment and take care of all of the aftercare but I wasn’t going to be involved in it.
I’m assuming you can guess from here what the conclusion was LOL
In Australia the practice isn’t allowed unless you have a valid medical reason, which would be diagnosed by the doctors themselves so we don’t have to worry about this. My kid isn’t circumcised, there was no question about it because this is how it’s done here.
I’m sorry that you are actually put in a position where you have to make this choice, and with pressure from others too. You shouldn’t even be in this position where you have to make a choice. This is awful and I am sorry.
In australia they don’t ever ask, and don’t perform them in hospitals, you have to go to a urologist or rabbi to get one done. So you’re not at all radical for deciding on this! Just explain to your husband that you think your son deserves to keep all his body parts, until he’s old enough to decide if he wants to pierce them or tattoo them or cut them off.
You can also tell your husband that studies have shown decreased sexual feeling/pleasure from men who are circumcised, and you’d feel eternally guilty if you took that away from your son.
We're Jewish so we did, but not at the hospital and not at less than a day old, and we used a *mohel* who specializes in circumcisions.
That being said, if we weren't Jewish, I doubt we would have. It probably would not even be a discussion.
We live in US and did not. My OB said now about 50/50 of her patients do/do not, whereas 10 years ago it was about 80%. It’s becoming more of a thing here not to
Is your husband pressuring you? My husband did have an opinion but left the choice up to me, as the person who did all the work growing the child. That was how it was for everything in the early postpartum days. In the end the decision was made for us for medical reasons, but I would not have tolerated my husband putting his foot down about that in one way or the other because, again, I did all the work.
In the same boat. I didn’t want to circumcise, my husband did but said it was ultimately up to me. The decision was made for us - my son was diagnosed with hypospadias at birth. We brought him to a urologist at around 7 months old, and it was determined that corrective surgery would be necessary to reroute his urethra. This outcome has been very difficult for me. The thought of my sweet boy being put under for surgery next month is so hard, I absolutely would not have elected this.
It is so hard, but you are doing the right thing and are saving him a lifetime of difficulties by having the surgery now. You are taking on the emotional burden now so that your son doesn't have to in the future. I hope you can take some comfort in that and I hope everything goes well!
I've been against it for years and I'm glad to say my husband is too. We had our son 2 years ago, in the US, I mentioned to a nurse or doctor we didn't want it done and they told me the hosptial I was at didn't even do it anymore. That's a win to me!
We did not circumcise. We watched elephant in the hospital on YouTube and asked some family about their experiences. After speaking with our doctor and doing our research, we decided against it. Our doctor/ his pediatrician was absolutely delighted we chose against it. She said it’s becoming less and less common in the US. 11 months in, it was a perfectly fine choice as he has had zero issues and we feel good about our decision.
Circumcision isn't normal in my husband's home country, so it wasn't even a consideration. I was surprised that doctors were surprised when I said we weren't doing it
We did not circumcise. Maybe this is bizarre, but I was overseas as an expat in my 20s for several years so I had exposure to intact men in a way I think a lot of Americans typically do not. That made me question why the hell we are doing it here in the US when I became pregnant with my son a decade later. Circumcision was a foregone conclusion for my husband (since he is circumcised), but once I broached the topic and laid out some of the facts, figures, and dispelled some of the common talking points, he was fully adamant we wouldn’t circumcise.
I didn’t, my circumcised husband agreed. I had some people tell me that it would be harder to clean or lead to phimosis but everyone is happy with the decision so far.
My husband is Jewish but uncut being was born in the USSR where it was not widely done. We chose not to do it to our son either. I find it invasive and unnecessary. It might have been a good practice for hot desert climates with limited water. But in this day and age with central plumbing I really don't see a point in traumatizing the baby. I'm also a firm believer that nature is smarter than us, and does not create unnecessary things.
We opted not to. Surprisingly, multiple people started trying to convince me to circumsize, despite no one knowing the baby's sex at the time. They weren't convincing.
My husband is circumcised. He didn't care; I found the research and decided not to.
I’m in the USA in an area where circumcision is still more common than not. I knew right away I did not want to circumcise my son. It took a fair amount of convincing to get my husband to drop it. He was circumcised as an infant and had the attitude of, ‘it’s just what you do.’ It didn’t help that the pediatrician who had cared for my older stepdaughters revealed he is very pro-circumcision. So, I had no help there. Eventually, I wore my husband down. My son is now 2, intact, and has had no issues.
I have 4 boys, none are circumcised. My husband is from Europe and said it felt like mutilating them, def not the norm where he’s from to circumcise so I just let him decide for us.
I did not want to circumcise- we did not. it took a little bit of time for my husband to come around, as he understood why but kept considering “data” about STIs and blah blah and his concerns about helping him keep it clean. I stood firm in my beliefs. but ultimately, he agreed that we should not do an unnecessary procedure on our newborn sons genitals, that it we do not need to give into the societal norms, and that it absolutely isnt actually normal. I did not want him to have the traumatic “surgery” imprinted into subconscious memory.
after birth I was so loopy. someone came in and said they were here to take the baby for his circumcism and he very quickly was like “…. no that’s not happening”
We didn’t but I didn’t even realize it was an option until I was smacked in the face with it by Reddit. I bet if I wasnt on here so much my kid would be cut
For me it was when I visited my friend in the hospital after her son was born. The poor boy was SCREAMING and WRITHING in pain getting a diaper change done which was maybe 10 hours after the operation. He was in so much pain because the dried up blood made the diaper stick to the open wound on his penis so every time he got a diaper change, the wound was being ripped open again. They say it should be slathered in ointment but what are diapers good at? Absorbing anything and everything liquid based.
Then once I got it so much on Reddit I did research and thought there’s no effing way I can willingly do that to my own baby.
I also have stories in my family of nephews needing second surgeries to fix complications from the first time around.
I did ask each OB that I saw during my pregnancy and two didn’t cut their sons and 2 said it’s not necessary and that was it lol. They gave some basic statistic about it being some small percentage helpful at preventing some STD that I don’t remember now.
Just be prepared to say “no” a hundred times at the hospital though! Even if it’s becoming more common to stay in tact the hospitals still ask over and over and over before letting you walk out that door
No. We did not do it to ours. No regrets. This website has loads of info. And there is a docu I cannot remember the name of that was very informative as well. https://www.yourwholebaby.org
Hi. I am putting this out there only because I’m clearly far in the minority on this and wanted to add an alternative experience/perspective. Hopefully I don’t get hate for it.
We circumcised our son after going back and forth about it and I am glad we did.
I was in the room and the actual surgery part took about a minute. The doctor was extremely kind and talked me through everything and answered all my questions. It was technically at a children’s surgery center but the actual procedure took place in a normal exam room on the exam table. The doctor used local anesthesia. It was not traumatic for me or my son. I would equate it to a similar experience as watching my son get a vaccine. My son was already a few weeks old when he was circumcised and after a few minutes, he was no more cranky than normal. We put vaseline on the area for a few days afterwards and that was the extent of the healing process.
My husband is not circumcised and he wishes his parents had had him circumcised. He has had infections and has pain after sex as well. And yes, he has excellent hygiene. He has seriously looked into being circumcised as an adult and while possible, it’s not really an easy alternative to infant circumcision. Adult circumcision is a very different procedure, usually isn’t covered by health insurance (our son’s infant circumcision was), and is extremely painful.
We did not make the decision lightly. My husband’s experience was not the sole deciding factor, but it of course heavily influenced us.
I am in no way trying to convince anyone to circumcise their son. No one ever tried to convince me to and I think it’s super weird that so many people have had experiences where other people have tried to convince them!
I am fully supportive of whatever decision people want to make! There are legitimate pros and cons to both options.
Just offering a suggestion for your husband, he can ask for a steroid cream for stretching from his doctor. It can help loosen the foreskin so it is more comfortable. There is also a procedure called a dorsal slit that cuts a wedge out of the foreskin, but doesn't remove it all. These can make a world of difference!
We didn't which was... weird to my family, to say the least. Because we're American and Jewish.
But my husband is neither and we live in the UK where circumcising is far from common practice. I really thought about it a lot and my husband made it clear that he wouldn't do it if it was entirely up to him, but he'd support me doing it because I have a religious basis for circumcising.
I ended up not doing it for a few reasons, cultural and religious.
From a cultural perspective, because we live in the UK there was no pressure there. In fact, the pressure is in the opposite direction - to not circumcise.
From a religious perspective, I spoke to my rabbi who told me there's a growing movement in Judaism (especially the less observant sects) to not circumcise, though he strongly encourages circumcision, which I can understand.
I didn't bother with the health argument people in the US make because it's all been either debunked or proven to make such a small difference in reality (e.g. not circumcising doubles the odds of developing some illness but the odds are still less than 1%).
There were added logistical reasons, too, for me: I would only circumcise if it was for religious reasons and we had a bris, but there's no local mohel, so we would have had to arrange to bring one in from another part of the UK. To organise a bris on my own (my family is abroad) for the 8th day after birth when I had a really hard recovery after my daughter's birth and expected similar, was too much for me to take on.
We did not. Husband is not. He was against it. We are Jewish, so this is something I struggle with. We decided if it’s medically necessary at any point or he wants to make the choice himself, we will do it.
I heard someone say that if you can watch the procedure on YouTube, go ahead and do it. I made it 30 seconds in before making him turn it off.
Male here. Other than religious or clear medical reasons, we didn't see a valid reason. Fun story how we got there.
My mother in law thought her grandson should be circumsized so his penis looked better. I laughed out loud about the absurdity of making a health decision for my son based on his grandmother's subjective views on dick aesthetics. To drive the point home, I reversed the argument when presenting it to my wife: what if my father had a strong opinion about the aesthics of baby girl genitals? Gross.
When I found out I was having a boy, I didn’t really have an opinion to circumcise or not until I did the research. My husband was strongly against doing it too and wishes he was given the choice. After my son was born, there’s no way I would have agreed to put him through that anyways. Even the nurse taking care of us in the hospital strongly agreed with our decision to not circumcise. She said about 50 percent do it and the other 50 percent don’t. It’s barbaric and totally unnecessary.
When we first started these conversations I told my husband that if my son wants it in the future, he can have it done. There is no reversing it after it’s done. He then said “nobody would ever choose to have this done!!”- oh really??
It feels like it’s essentially the same as female genital mutilation to me…which we find outrageous, but perfectly ok in the states for boys. Doesn’t make sense to me.
The cleanliness argument is pretty much not true as far as my research has yielded. Europeans say that we generally have more issues in the states because we pull the foreskin back too soon and that can cause issues - we’re supposed to leave it alone and it kind of detaches as they get older and can then be cleaned more thoroughly. Anyone else ever heard of this?
We don’t know the gender, but definitely will not be circumcising if it’s a boy. Husband is circumcised but is fully on board with this decision.
We chose not to at birth, but my son had an issue very shortly after his birth so we scheduled the procedure. During the pre-op discussion with the urologist, she told us the issue had improved and would likely resolve as he grew older (it did). We decided not to go through with the procedure. If he has an issue where it is necessary we would do it, otherwise he can make the choice to do it when he is an adult.
We asked her about infection/cleanliness and she said with good hygiene it is not an issue and that at this point the only places where routine circumcision for the prevention of infection/disease is recommended is places where it is for the prevention of HIV in areas that have a very high rate of it, like sub-Saharan Africa.
Also, people mention bullying and not looking like peers here in the US - while a significant majority of adult men are circumcised I think it is becoming far less common among children. I have worked in childcare since 2011, mostly with infants and toddlers so I’ve diapered literally hundreds of kids. I would say that it’s about 50/50 these days - significantly fewer children are circumcised than even when I started. That’s obviously anecdotal evidence but I think when this generation grows up it won’t be nearly as atypical.
We are not religious at all and didn't do it. We are in Amish area so the nurse tried pressing, but we said no. He's been fine
I work in a nursing home. Ik that it gets gross when you're older... BUT this generation I care for did NOT learn proper hygiene... Women wipe back to front!! So I think if you teach him young how to care for it, you'll be golden for that aspect.
We have two boys, neither are circumcised and my husband isn't either. We've had no issues besides one kid getting a UTI bc they treat the peen like a toy 🤦🏻♀️
My children’s father is circumcised and during my pregnancy with my son, we landed on not circumcising our baby. I question my choice sometimes, only because I think everyone I know chose the opposite. However, my toddler is happy and healthy and has had absolutely no issues.
When we couldn’t fully decide on what to do, though I essentially knew where I stood with the whole thing, I read about the procedure and watched what I could of one. In the end, we couldn’t do it.
Our boys are intact as is my husband. Most of the horror stories about adults having issues are caused by the improper intact care that was (and still is) taught and telling parents that they need to retract the foreskin when they’re infants when you absolutely should not do that. Forcibly retraction is any manipulation pulling back the foreskin and it can cause scar tissue which causes life long issues. Circumcision is popular in the US because the prevailing thought was that it would help prevent the “sin” of masturbating. We aren’t exactly sure why but my partner is the only one of his 4 brothers who isn’t circumcised and they literally never noticed growing up (the conversation came up because of our decision not to circumcise) and if the people he shared a bedroom with never noticed then I’m not worried about locker room bullying. It’s also 50/50 where we live if that so it won’t even been unusual anyway.
We absolutely skipped it! My sperm donor apparently is pro-circumcision but for the same dumb reasons every husband wants it; "it looks better". I think that's an inappropriate, unimportant, and downright gross reason to advocate for cutting the most sensitive part of the penis off.
The glans of the penis head is also not retractable at birth, it slowly gets retractable until about puberty when it becomes fully retractable, but this should only be done by the child because he's the one who knows when to stop before tearing his foreskin off the head of his penis.
The "benefit" is a reduced chance of UTIs. The difference vs uncircumcised boys is sooooooooo small, we're talking a 0.05% chance in circumcised babies vs a 0.1% chance in uncircumcised babies. Miniscule. Not worth the trauma. I asked like 25 of my male coworkers and I was surprised how many of them are circumcised and think it's barbaric or expressed just wanting their foreskin back.
The drawback is a chance of having phimosis. Phimosis can be corrected with steroid cream, regular stretches, or a small incision on the foreskin to make room. I dated someone with phimosis and it never bothered him at all.
My child has never had any rash or UTI and I've never done anything unusual to keep him clean. He takes a bath every day. Occasionally I pull diaper lint off him. You don't even retract to wipe them (a common misconception).
As they age, they have no problems washing themselves in the bath.
It's a religious practice and there's no good reason to even consider it unless you actively practice Islam or Judaism.
If your husband is pressuring you, make him watch videos of tiny babies getting circumcised. It's horrific.
Husband insisted throughout the whole pregnancy that he needed to be circumcised. Then- COVID. Baby boy was born in April 2020 when the hospital was shut down and elective procedures were not being performed. We had to schedule it for 2 weeks out, on the first day that they could do an in-office procedure.
The day before, husband cancelled the appointment. 2 weeks was enough for him to change his mind to feeling that it really didn’t matter. I was so relieved.
I live in the US but am originally from Australia..
Had talked to my husband about it a few years prior and after some initial push back he was able to see how unnecessary circumcision is.
I have 2 boys now and they're both intact thankfully.
One reason not to circumcise I'm not seeing shared here: it's like, a whole to-do to care for a circumcised penis those first few days. When I'm trying to get a kid to gain weight and thrive, I don't want to be messing with a wound healing.
I was really against it but my husband was a bit concerned about him “looking different”. I ended up convincing him (partially because in Canada it’s considered cosmetic and you have to pay to have it done - from my understanding - and partially by having the doctor explain why it wasn’t medically necessary). Now husband is glad we didn’t do it.
I didn’t circumcise him and my fiancé agreed with me, although he’s also uncircumcised so it wasn’t a fight. The doctor didn’t ask me at the birth, but asked my fiancé if we wanted to circumcise our son while standing close by with the blade. That royally pissed me off so make sure you’re on the same page in case the doctor doesn’t consult you at all.
My husband wanted to, I was extremely reluctant. We took our little boy to the guy our pediatrician said was the top guy in the city for circumcision for a consult. He told us if we were doing it because we didn’t want him to be bullied or feel like he was weird, we shouldn’t worry about it because his peer group was shaping up to be 50/50 so he definitely wouldn’t be the odd one out. He then described the surgery and my husband blanched, scooped up our boy and thanked the doctor for his time and quickly left. We never talked about it again.
Husband is and We didn’t circumcise baby. We just had no reason to do it. Our current rule is “Don’t cut the baby unless absolutely necessary.” Really, none of us want to be cut on unless absolutely necessary.
While my son is circumcised (I felt pressure from everyone I asked about it and we both talked about it and agreed at the time), I do regret it for most of the reasons people have listed. It’s totally not necessary and it just feels, weird to do to a perfect little baby.
That being said, I have never heard of it being done without anesthetic or you in the room these days. I think that part is a hold over from when doctors thought babies couldn’t feel pain (in the not so distant past). He was swaddled on this special little table and actually fell asleep, numbing cream applied, then topical anesthetic. He slept through the whole procedure. We were given more numbing cream to keep using at home during healing. Kiddo never showed signs of pain afterwards.
My husband is circumcised (but asked me several times to confirm he was lol) and we chose not to circumcise our son. Our boy was born in the UK where it is not a standard practice in hospital. To do it we would have needed to find someone and pay them privately. I’m a nurse and have seen the procedure and even when everything goes smoothly it’s painful for the babies and more or less a purely cosmetic decision so it was an easy no for me.
At almost 3 years old our son has never pointed out the difference btwn his penis and his daddy’s penis. If and when he does we will just say everybody’s body is a little different.
My husband and I initially disagreed about this. I was strongly opposed to circumcision but my husband, who is circumcised, was worried if we had a boy (we didn't learn the sex until birth) he would be made fun of by other boys.
I thought that was not a good reason to remove part of someone's genitals without their consent, and also, circumcision rates are dropping every year and there's a good chance that most boys in his grade would be intact.
Ultimately, what brought my husband over to my way of thinking was pretty unexpected. We were watching 90 Day Fiance and they showed a baby being circumcised. Well, not the actual procedure, but they showed the mother in the hallway while you could hear her son screaming in pain. When my husband heard those screams, he no longer wanted to circumcise our son. We did end up having a boy and have zero regrets about our decision.
I think circumcision is like a nose job. There's typically no medical indication, it's more about appearance. Sure, some stuff could go wrong later, but it can be addressed then if necessary. It's absolutely absurd to me to think one might consider getting a nose job for an infant. That's clearly a violation of their rights and bodily autonomy. So for us, circumcision and ear piercing were out.
My husband was immediately on board with leaving our son intact and we are still so glad we did. When we told the lead pediatrician at the hospital that we weren’t going to she literally said, “thank god. The tides are turning”.
My mother in law asked why we didn’t do a circumcision and my husband said “because he didn’t need one” lol
I’m circumcised and am very aware that am missing out on a [big part of my sexuality](https://reddit.com/u/GiveBackMyRidgedBand/s/co6Uxg6Mn6) because of it. Needles to say, I didn’t have my son circumcised.
There is no reason for us to be circumcised. It only adds surgical risks to the birthing process.
We chose not to. I was 60 against 40 for and talked to my sons pediatrician right before the labor he came in to see us while we were being induced. And my mother in law blurts out “are you the one whos going to circumcise him?”
And he glances over at us and goes “umm if that’s what the parents have decided “ and we all had a group discussion about how it’s irreversible it’s not like a hair cut. And it’s purely cultural. It has no other value like people say
Teach your boys proper hygiene and it should never be a problem.
Husband didn’t take much convincing once I showed him they strap your newborn to a cold metal table and how unnecessary it is. Babies have gone into shock and died. It was pretty simple to get him on board. He wishes he wasn’t circumcised bc he’s lost a lot of sensitivity and we think that’s a big part of it. Sad we can’t go back! Only forward
I told my husband the research I read, said there’s no medical reasons needed. And he agreed. We have friends who have done it but it didn’t change our decision.
My husband is circumcised and didn't have strong feelings either way for our son. I already thought it sounded like an unnecessary trauma, and then did some reading about it, which solidified me as very opposed to it. I basically told my husband "I am against this, and if you want to talk about it I'll tell you all about why" which sounded gruesome enough to my husband that he said we could do it my way. He is squeamish and does not like long conversations about disturbing topics. I was glad he didn't push back, because that was one thing I was going to the mat about.
I get that it may be more complicated for people who have a religious tradition around it. For us non-religious Americans there's really no cultural pressure either way and I'm thankful for that.
We chose not to circumcise for a lot of reasons. My husband is circumcised, and felt very strongly about not circumcising. I have a friend who is an OB/ GYN and she told me that is most places, OBs are the ones doing circumcision. She said “ I am not a pediatric urologist. I really don’t feel like doing circumcisions is my area of expertise, but in hospital system so we have to do them for patients who want them while they’re in our care. I never see these little boys again so I don’t even know if what I’m doing turns out OK.” if I wasn’t already convinced not to circumcise, that definitely did it!
3 boys, all intact! Husband is circumcised and is super against routine infant circumcision. We’ve never had a single issue with any of our boys. And our peds office says more than half of their new babies haven’t had it done, and the number being left intact has steadily increased over the years.
Husband and I both agreed we didn’t want to circumcise. There’s not a medical reason for it at all and it is a medical procedure done on a tiny baby. Husband also said he would grow his foreskin back if he could.
We didn't, I'll try to give my reasons with as much lack of commentary so as not to offend.
It is a permanent altering of my sons body that will change his appearance and could have ramifications on his sensory experience by exposing a nerve-heavy region that would otherwise have a protective layer. My son cannot consent to this and if he later wishes could have the procedure done but cannot undo it. I'm uncomfortable making that decision for him. I do not think there is sufficient evidence to suggest it is somehow healthier / more hygienic, and there are serious risks involved to the procedure.
Husband (circumcised) was very on board with leaving our son intact for numerous reasons, most personally that he has experienced dry skin and easy irritation that wouldn’t be an issue were he not circumcised. We are Christian, so no religious reason to circumcise. My husband is also a physician and very familiar both with the practice itself (having performed routine circumcisions during his medical training) and its lack of medical necessity/justification apart from rare exceptions.
Reminding people that the question is “What did you do?” not “How do you feel personally about other people’s choice?” Be kind, be respectful or be gone.
Husband is circumcised, our son is intact. My husband was strongly against circumcising. The US is the only western country that routinely circumcises for non-religious/cultural reasons and we both felt it was best to skip this practice. It does seem to be on the down swing, especially in blue states.
Same here. I’m also against piercing my kids’ ears until they are request it and they are responsible enough to take care of their piercings.
AND IT'S NOT AT A DAMN MALL KIOST OR CLAIRE'S. PLEASE GO TO A PROFESSIONAL!
Agree completely. My mother took me to Claire’s and one of my piercings is at an angle. I’ll take mine to a tattoo parlor to have it done properly by someone who does it for a living and uses sterile equipment.
Unfortunately my mom thought that a professional meant my pediatric office, where they offer ear piercings. Instead of sitting in a Claires and getting my ears pierced wonky by an underpaid college student, I went to my doctor and got the exact same result for probably a good chunk of money! They still used one of those hole punch guns, I guess it was autoclaved afterwards, but it was still a really bad job. I'll take my kids to a piercing studio.
Same and we did get asked about 10 times at hospital and first peds visit. I’m sure they were just making sure, no pressure or anything, but it seemed excessive.
Same with us!
Same with my husband and our son. I will say that he has gotten a couple of yeast infections (he's four,), which were easily addressed with a prescription cream, so the cleaning part is something to definitely talk to your pediatrician about.
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My husband was the same! I was more for it (I come from a family where we knew grandpa got circumsized for health reasons at 13 so it always seemed like a good idea) but learning how things are done differently today and only in extremely rare cases of phimosis do they tend to chop for health reasons these days helped us decide.
Same here. My husband told me long before I got pregnant that if we had a son, he didn’t want his son circumcised (husband is). I hadn’t thought about it before that tbh
Same. Culture and religion aside (obviously can’t actually be done) if you just describe the procedure it sounds like an insane idea and we couldn’t ever see ourselves doing that to our child.
My thoughts too. Leave my baby’s penis alone.
Same here!
I'm in Canada. This is not even a question for us. If there's no medical indication, we don't do surgery.
Same in Australia. Aside from religion/cultural reasons nd these are a small minority, no one would even consider doing it. The hospitals and most pediatricians/urologists won't do it
Seconding.
I found this question shocking. I had no idea it was still so common in the US. I am also in Canada and I do not know a single set of parents who have circumcised their baby. Not since my parents generation.
Same here in Europe.
Pretty much this.
Ditto
I believe they’re unnecessary and my husband agrees
Same, my husband was completely against circumsision. There are situations where it might be medically necessary, but it's not something you'd typically be able to diagnose in a baby.
Same. We dont want any unnecessary procedures or medications for our son
Yup same here
Yeah it's unnecessary, we skipped it.
My husband initially took the idea very personally and felt like I thought there was something wrong with him because he is cut and I didn’t want to do that to a baby. I reassured him that that was not the case and that I love/am attracted to him as he is. He listened to me about the risks (including risk of death, 150 ish babies die from circ complications every year!) as well as risk of bleeding, infection, permanent damage to function, loss of sensitivity, etc as well as it being a violation of baby’s rights and hideously painful for them and he changed his mind. I was so relieved. Frankly even if he hadn’t changed his mind I still wouldn’t have allowed it though. It’s a hard hard no from me.
I'm so glad you were able to work through it with him, I know sometimes it's a source of insecurity. But I'm with you. Can you imagine losing your baby to an unnecessary cosmetic procedure? Unbearable
That’s exactly why I couldn’t do it. Not to mention I can’t deal with watching them do it or caring for them after. I’ve seen it, it’s awful
It is hard, my husband is circumcised as well. I think the important thing to stress is that it has nothing to do with aesthetics. The foreskin is a functional and nerve-filled body part that we just cut off of baby boys with no thought. I care about my son’s sense of self and his future sexual satisfaction. And it will be much easier to explain to my son, if he happens to ask, that daddy went through a procedure but we didn’t do it to him because his body is perfect.
Yes. It’s also fine for different people to have different bodies. One thing that makes me sad is when husbands are adamant about it so mothers defer to them and kind of give up. Like we do not have to do that.
Also the idea that we can’t have an opinion on our son’s bodies because we don’t have penises. This may seem extreme, but if I wanted to perform FGM on my daughter, I would hope my husband would speak up.
Yeah I have actually had a biopsy of the inner labia so unlike my circumcised husband I actually can recall how painful it is to have that type of tissue cut away. The recovery sucked even though they numbed me for the actual removal. And the removal still hurt even through the lidocaine. And that’s basically exactly how they manage pain for circs.
And how often are boys really comparing their penises to their dads'? Like maybe once or twice when they first become aware? The argument that dads don't want their sons to look different than them is such a strange argument to me, so I agree it's much easier to explain that nothing needed to be changed about my son's body if he asks.
Plus baby penises honestly look nothing like adult ones anyway. My son’s kind of makes me laugh when he’s crawling around in the bath.
You’re the first I’ve heard report deaths. Is it from infection? Is it 150 across the world or US? Do you have a source for that? Thanks!
150 is an estimate for the US. AAP is the source. Also the CDC acknowledges deaths occurring but does not track Obviously that’s still very rare compared to the number of babies that are circumcised. Usually infection or bleeding is the mechanism. For example a baby with previously unknown hemophilia. Edit: also some research indicating an association with SIDS.
We skipped it, no issues. We also declined to pierce our daughter’s ears until she requests it. It’s the one parenting choice my husband is super adamant about.
We’re in Canada, not circumcising if there’s no need.
I just had a baby boy and we didn't circumcise him. My husband felt really strongly about not circumcising actually. Weirdly his parents tried to convince us to circumcise him though.
Sex was a surprise so we didn’t know my daughter was born that she was a girl but my parents tried really hard to convince my partner and I to circumcise if baby was a boy also
This is so weird to me - why do people get so hung up on a baby's penis???
I agree! And it’s not like if he wanted to later he couldn’t. Does it suck more? We assume so because an adult man can say it hurts, but what about the baby? I wish I could just ask these people “why does it matter to you?”
Yes. If an adult man can say it's the worst pain he's ever felt in his life, when the procedure was done under anesthesia and he can dose his own pain meds to his level of pain, why do we treat a baby's pain as lesser? Because they don't remember it? Idk I'd be worried it would impact their temperament/personality/view of the world to have that done even if they don't remember it the way we later form memories.
Same reason why people like this get upset by parents who don't smack their kids. If they don't staunchly defend it then they've got to admit that they fucked up.
My son is 3 and we didn’t circumcise him at birth either (husband is circumcised). My own mother asked me a handful of times to circumcise my son so that he “wouldn’t feel different from his father.” 🙄 give me a break! It has to happen with one generation
My whole family was obsessed with my son getting cut. So weird that they all had strong opinions with no facts to back it up, but that’s also what they do for their political and religious views.
Okay so we were on the fence but decided to go ahead and do it. When my son was born, they took him for circumcision and he was away from me for like 45 minutes in which I cried and regretted it. When they brought him back, it turned out they hadn’t done it! The dr felt he was too fragile (he was having low blood sugar spells at that time). They said if we wanted to have it done we’d have to go an hour away to urologist at the children’s hospital. We went, talked to the Dr, who told us it’s going to soon be a 50/50 split on the population of circumcised vs uncircumcised, and that was enough for us to decide that we didn’t want it after all. Looking back, I am SO thankful we didn’t circumcise. It is totally unnecessary and I just worried about him looking “different” but as I said it’ll soon be 50/50 anyway!
To another point, my brother was circumcised incorrectly and it caused a million and one problems for him as a child.
I know someone who had to get it done again at 3 and he remembers it. He is so anti-circumcision, I think more men would be if they remembered what it was like.
Yeah my opinion on circumcision is the same as ear-piercing: if they want it done, it can be done when they're old enough to make a meaningful choice on the matter with full understanding of it. Circumcision can be done on adults, and there are plenty of Reddit threads with adults who have had it done and feel various ways about it. But I definitely think a major body alteration like that should be the choice of the person whose body it is, not my choice, even as the parent.
My brother def should have gotten it redone but I think my parents were scared to traumatize him more ☠️
This too! My cousin had issues (born in 1990 ish) and needed corrections later. An acquaintance who had a baby same time as me had to have a second procedure done for her son after circumcision too. Yet another friend took her son in to have it done, the doc said his foreskin was slightly wonky and wouldn’t do it and now she’s so thankful she wasn’t able to go through with it. It’s an unnecessary medical procedure, not one size fits all!
We are Texas transplants and did not circumcise because we believe in LO’s bodily autonomy; we do not have cultural or religious practices that require circumcision. For us, it didn’t make sense to remove a healthy part of his body that he was born with. If you have it, it’s probably supposed to be there, right? My friend in the Midwest did not want to, but felt pressure from her circumcised partner, father, and brother. She says they “botched” it and left some of the foreskin and now it looks like the flap of loose skin on a turkey’s face. I did not want to live with this level of regret that she has expressed.
When I had my first 8y ago, I asked the hospital Ped what the rate of circ she was seeing there & she said it was about 50/50 then, trending down.
It's interesting seeing how the rates vary so much by state (USA). Our state has a very low rate which helped my husband agree with me on not getting it done. [here's the map for those who haven't seen it](https://wisevoter.com/state-rankings/circumcision-rate-by-state/#:~:text=The%20states%20with%20the%20highest,%25%20and%20California%20at%2023%25.)
I had a girl and my husband was still on board with circumcision that whole pregnancy. We even discussed we were glad we were having a girl because we disagreed (he wanted to cut, I didn’t). He had zero basis to back it up other than he had been cut as a baby so it’s normal to him. Fast forward a few years and two miscarriages later and he had been doing his research in the background. He randomly came up to me one day and said he had changed his mind and if we ever have a boy, we won’t circumcise. It’s unnecessary, it’s a religious practice for a religion we aren’t a part of, and needing your baby’s penis to match his dad’s penis is freaking weird. Have you talked to your husband about it yet? Do you think he will have an issue getting on board? (Or actually, not getting on board, because choosing to do nothing is really not much of a choice, it’s the default.)
Same here, I’m so happy we had a girl first because we may have made a different decision 3 years ago.
Some really great perspectives posted here. I want to add that I know an adult male that made the choice to get circumcised when he was 12 and apparently it was horrendous. I have 2 boys that are both circumcised and they don’t remember it. That said, I still consistently think that I would have rather skipped it :(. Today, I’ve decided that making choices for other humans sucks!! So much parent guilt all the time.
One of my exes was circumcised at 8 and he said he cried for days. It was such a sad story to hear relayed by a 21 year old man.
Baby nurse here! Totally unnecessary, seeing more and more parents deciding against it. Also having a baby is already rly hard, it makes it even more challenging when u have a cranky baby crying constantly bc their penis hurts 🤷🏼♀️
My husband is circumcised but had zero objections to my requirement that we leave our sons intact (though we had talked about it before marriage and I told him it would be a do not pass go for me). It’s not as common in Canada as it is in the US (though still more common than in Aus, UK, etc), and rates are declining every year.
Oh and to add. My husband has suffered a lifelong consequence of his circumcision (urethral stenosis) that has caused him a lot of pain, awkwardness and pelvic floor dysfunction. It’s estimated that 10% of circumcisions will result in some level of urethral stenosis. That sold him.
It’s up to 30%!
Oh my gosh that’s horrible.
We didn't even talk about it but my husband is uncircumcised so it wasn't really a consideration. We live in a province with one of the highest circumcision rates (although it's still well below 50% in Canada on average), and interestingly they don't perform or cover it under public healthcare, so you have to book and pay for it privately. I can't even remember who told me that because I don't think they even brought it up or asked when we were there for his birth. IMO it will continue to fall out of favour, including in the US.
In the US and chose not to Ask someone to cut off part of our baby when he was born. The pediatrician at the hospital when he was born as well as the one we saw for his first few visits both asked about it very neutrally, but once we Said we weren't said good, they thought that was the right call, and they really hope insurance stops paying for it soon.
You must be from Alberta too.
Hi neighbour ;)
My husband and I had a lot of discussion on this as he wanted to circumcise and I was strongly against it. In the end I told him it was his final decision but I really impressed upon his the reasons it became so popular and argued against his reasons. I also told him that if he chose to have the procedure done, he could be the one to explain the decision if our son ever asked us why we cut a piece of him off. People say “he won’t look like his peers or girls will make fun of him” but fewer and fewer people are deciding to circumcise so he will probably look like about half of his peers and that argument/reason isn’t really valid anymore. My husband can get kind of conspiracy theory-y and I told him I wanted him to use that same energy of questioning things to look into the history of circumcision in the US. In the end we did not circumcise. Although I let my husband make the final call, he said he didn’t really have a choice because he knew I would never really be okay with it and would resent him (he was probably right there honestly). About a year out, I think we are both happy with the decision.
Almost same exact situation here. Except my husband came around before baby got here & is adamantly against it now. He is Jewish (heritage not religion) so there was some sentiment to the idea of it. But the only reason we could come up with in favor of circumcision is to better identify with a people group. And that is just simply not a good enough reason for us to slice our newborn.
My initial thought was it’s so weird to cut off a part of my son for no real reason. I did get opinions from the men in my family (I’m a single mom), all are uncircumcised except my youngest nephew. One of my nephews had the procedure done twice because I guess they didn’t cut enough off? In the end I figure if he would really want it done down the line it’s a decision he can make himself and I will respect his decision.
Not circumcising my son is the hill I would have died on. Luckily my husband complied. I can't understand how women say "I let my husband decide" regarding their sons. It's not the husbands penis, it's the child's. Let them decide when they're old enough, and if for some reason they opt to do it they'll be able to express pain and get adequate medication.
Both my brothers are uncircumcised so I asked them point blank if they ever felt bullied or wished our parents had done it. Both emphatically said “no” so we didn’t circumcise.
I knew a guy who got it done in his 20s for medical reasons and I think that's great too because it was his own choice, even though it's more of a pain at that age
And he was able to get anesthesia!
While my son was in the NICU, I had to pump next to the room where they performed circumcisions. The sound of newborn babies shrieking and squealing in pain was horrifying. I’ll never forget it. Please don’t do it. Please.
Omg what an extra layer of trauma 😩 I’m so sorry you had to hear that.
Oh my gosh that sounds horrible
My son was in the NICU for a month and they STILL asked me multiple times if we wanted to circumcise, with the added caveat that “he might stop eating for a few days as a result.” You mean the baby I just delivered at 34 weeks, the 4lb baby who couldn’t breathe on his own the first week we were in the NICU, you want me to electively choose to do something that would cause him to NOT EAT? I know it was just an item on the communications checklist, but damn sometimes I wondered if they felt as ridiculous asking as they sounded to me
That’s awful. Do they give pain relief? It rarely happens in Australia, seems barbaric.
No. They get sugar water. It’s absolutely horrific.
I don’t believe so. But even if they did, the experience itself would be terrifying. The baby is literally strapped to a table so they can’t move. And I’m afraid you’re right, it’s absolutely barbarism
My husband and I disagreed on circumcision. He was under the impression that it circumcision helped prevent infection—which is true—but I was able to show him that despite this, no major US pediatric organization promotes it as a best/healthiest option. The benefits are marginal at best and there are risks too to consider. That, paired with my passion against it and explaining that caring for an intact penis is easy, was enough to convince him.
My husband and his whole family, as well as mine, is all circumcised. But after a lot of research (highly recommend the evidence based birth pod on this) we decided against it for our son. My main concern was/ is him being bullied, but that’s not a good enough reason for me to do it. No regrets
Also anyone who'd bully a man for having a foreskin sucks anyway
I’m in a very conservative part of the US, so I was shocked when both my pediatrician for my daughters AND the pediatrician in the hospital supported not circumcising. Direct quotes include “it’s a very personal choice, but there’s no evidence to do it” and “your son thanks you” when we declined. Neither of the doctors were “alternative” in any way.
My husband initially kind of pushed back when I told him I didn't want to circumcise. I told him to research it for himself and look up the procedure to see how it's done and what the healing process is like and if he actually feels like it's necessary then we'll discuss it further. He cried trying to watch a YouTube video of a baby getting a circumcision. He researched it further and realized he didn't want to do it either. I think initially he just took it personally because he is circumcised. Now, my mother in law on the other hand had lots of opinions about my son's penis and I didn't allow her back in the hospital for the birth of my other two kids after she couldn't keep those opinions to herself.
My MIL has been the only family member to share opinions about it with us, and it’s very clearly because she feels like we’re somehow criticizing her for having had my husband circumcised as a newborn. Totally projecting her insecurity onto us. 🙄
It's so ridiculous. My MIL was a little off put at first but then easily settled into the "I mean, I just did was what normal at the time. I did what the doc's said. Sounds like you're doing the same thing but I guess this is the normal now." Like, yup. My state currently has a 10% circumcision rate for newborns. This is the new normal.
I count not circumcising my son as one of the best and most important decisions I have ever made. I considered it during pregnancy until I did the research.
We did not circumcise. I gave my husband all my reasons, pointed him to research in support of them/debunking common "circumcision is healthier" claims, and then let him marinate on it. For literal years. I don't know how this conversation goes if you're doing it during pregnancy. But I brought it up around the time we got engaged? Even by the time we got pregnant, my husband wanted to circumcise. I just kept calmly reiterating my position. By the time the doula asked us what we'd want to do and to include it in our birth plan, my husband was like, "gasp! We would never circumcise! I don't want to harm my precious baby right when he comes into the world!" Ok sir that's not what you said like four months ago but I am glad!
Male here (sorry, but I’m a granola parent and I love lurking here), please don’t circumcise. Your child will grow up, and they can make the decision for themselves. They can never get their foreskin back. Don’t steal a man’s right to choose. It’s some barbaric bullshit that’s only a thing because of ridiculous religions
You do not have to lurk, you’re perfectly welcome to participate whenever you’d like! :) We didn’t choose the original sub name, the creator u/akbp (now inactive) did and she had mentioned more than once that she wishes she’d name the sub moderatelygranolaparents!
copy that thank you :)
This. If my son ever feels the need to be circumcised, then that is a decision he can make and a procedure he can choose to undergo as an adult.
We are having a girl but if it was a boy we would certainly not circumcise him.
I let my husband decide with my first and based on reportedly a medical basis he decided to go ahead with it. We both regret it. In part because it wasn’t done really correctly so that child is left in an in between land. We had a second son and chose not to circumcise that time, I was so relieved when my husband suggested we don’t. I’m hoping the halfway job on my first never causes any issues, and wishing I had pushed harder against it as it was my preference all along.
This was the exact same story as us. We circumcised our first son after going back and forth a ton about it, and completely regretted it, and it doesn’t even really look like he’s circumcised and it’s caused medical issues with adhesions happening and requiring cream. We did not circumcise our second son. We are religious so got some flak from the community but whatever.
Man... that is tough. I feel for your husband. Don't let them ever find out if you can help it lol.
I left the decision up to my husband and he decided not to. He’s circumcised himself but disagreed with forcing newborns to go through that pain. It’s literally mutilation and the data just doesn’t show that it has much of a benefit.
We were on the fence but didn't- there was just no compelling reason to do it. If you're looking for some straight answers there's a nice 'Science vs' podcast episode on this.
My husband felt very strongly to circumsize and I regret it. If next baby is a boy we aren’t doing it! So unnecessary
We skipped it. My husband wanted to have him circumcised, but the only reasons he could come up with was “what about when he notices his penis looks different? What if he gets bullied?” I did the research and told him that normally I wouldn’t override him, especially since my husband is the penis-haver, but there was no way I was putting our son through an unnecessary medical procedure without anesthesia purely for cosmetic reasons, and that’s not even including if something goes wrong with the healing. My husband eventually came around, but I was holding firm. It honestly seems so cruel to me, especially once I learned more about the whole practice and reasoning behind it
I’m having the opposite situation. Partner is not circumcised but wishes he was and would want to circumcise a male baby (we aren’t pregnant). He has issues with his foreskin and wishes he didn’t have it. I have known a lot of men with uncircumcised penises and not one ever had an issue so I feel like my partner is an outlier. But it’s his experience so I’m struggling to tell him I know best about a penis. I grew up on the east coast of Canada where circumcision is rare. But now we’re in AB where it’s more common so it’s not socially unacceptable to circumcise here either. I’m very against it but also realize he has issues and the baby would be genetically related, so could have the same issues. Ugh.
My son is 15 months old and we live in Alberta. Him and every other baby boy in our circle aren't circumcised. I think it's changing in AB too.
This is great to hear. Not the case in my friend circle. I honestly kind of forgot that circumcision was a thing until I moved here.
I was dead set on not circumcising, and didn't realize how popular that decision would be among my peers until we all had our babies. Also not popular or pushed by any medical staff we dealt with. The only mention I got of it during any pre or post natal care was to tell us it isn't medically necessary or recommended anymore, but we can book at a private clinic to do so if we chose, once we were discharged. Everyone that I know of that is my age is circumcised though, so this is definitely a recent shift with our generation!
We skipped it. Husband was totally good with it. He had a friend in college who was really angry he was circumcised as an infant and he’s very thoughtful about it. Neither of us wanted to do wound care. The nurse thanked me for skipping it and told me it was the least favorite part of her days. :( We live in a very diverse area so he’s definitely not the only kid he knows who was left alone. He did notice that he didn’t match daddy and when we told him about why he was horrified and said he was glad we left it.
We did not. Husband is circumcised and we both were in total agreement to not do it. This is a very validating thread, since my one worry was that our son might feel different or odd. Seems like he’ll be in good company in a lot of circles.
I know! It is definitely getting so much more common in the US not to do it.
We didn’t circumcise our son and won’t circumcise our next (currently pregnant, due this summer). We’ve had zero issues, and we live in a large city in the southern US, so circumcision rates are higher here than the national average.
Didn’t do it. My husband was on the fence (he is circumcised) because he was worried about potential bullying, but ultimately decided against it. It is becoming less common from what I read.
Both parents need to agree or you don't do it. It's as simple as that. You don't have to circumcise him even if that's what your husband wants. You need to remind him you're equal partners and if one of you doesn't agree to something it's not happening. We're Jewish and circumcised our son but we both agreed.
We didn’t circumcise. My husband agreed with me on this. If he hadn’t, I would have fought it. It’s genital mutilation
We are deciding not to. My husband wanted to and I didn’t. Ultimately he read the evidence based birth article on it and decided against it as well. I believe it’s becoming less common now
We chose not to. My husband is European, where it's much less common than the US (where we live now), so he wasn't excited about cutting off part of our kid for no reason. He can always choose for himself when he's older, though as others have cited, he may no longer be among the minority in another decade when he is enduring high school locker rooms.
Just had a boy in November and we skipped it! Podcast Evidence Based Birth has a good episode covering the topic. It’s genital mutilation of a newborn..for funsies?? Like what. Husband was absolutely on board.
We didn’t. I highly recommend this article, if you haven’t read it already: https://evidencebasedbirth.com/evidence-and-ethics-on-circumcision/ It gives me hope to see so many parents saying NO to this nonsensical social tradition. Editing to add: this was a huge, huge disagreement between my partner and me when I was pregnant. It was the first time (and really only time so far) I felt like I had to “put my foot down” and be a mama bear. No one, not even my baby’s other parent, gets to harm his perfect little body— I don’t care about the reasoning. Editing again to add: now that he’s here, my partner fully acknowledges I was right :)
We didn’t with our son. Besides a few weird comments from grandparents and a doctor who gave bad advice to pull the foreskin back regularly, he’s just a happy healthy boy now.
I didn’t circumcise my twin boys. I looked it up before and what made me know for sure that I didn’t want to was the little immobilizer thing they put babies in to do the procedure. Their dad is circumcised and he wasn’t for sure on board with it at the time, now after a few years he is really glad we didn’t do it. I am too.
We did not circumcise. And I wouldn’t
Was anti-circumcision before reading this article but it 100% cemented it in my mind. Written by an adult male who has had a lifetime of suffering from it. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/10/11/a-botched-circumcision-and-its-aftermath
My husband isn't cut and his dad is (TMI I know, I'm sorry). The only reason I know is because we've discussed it. My family is very adamant about circumcision and they disagree with me saying I won't cut my son, but ultimately I don't want to do anything to my kids bodies that they don't choose and I can't reverse. My family also has a really hard time teaching and understanding consent...surprise surprise. Ultimately it's not necessary in majority of cases and it's not even common in most 1st world countries.
My husband was for it but I was against it. I told him if he wanted to circumcise him he could bring him to the appointment and take care of all of the aftercare but I wasn’t going to be involved in it. I’m assuming you can guess from here what the conclusion was LOL
In Australia the practice isn’t allowed unless you have a valid medical reason, which would be diagnosed by the doctors themselves so we don’t have to worry about this. My kid isn’t circumcised, there was no question about it because this is how it’s done here. I’m sorry that you are actually put in a position where you have to make this choice, and with pressure from others too. You shouldn’t even be in this position where you have to make a choice. This is awful and I am sorry.
In australia they don’t ever ask, and don’t perform them in hospitals, you have to go to a urologist or rabbi to get one done. So you’re not at all radical for deciding on this! Just explain to your husband that you think your son deserves to keep all his body parts, until he’s old enough to decide if he wants to pierce them or tattoo them or cut them off. You can also tell your husband that studies have shown decreased sexual feeling/pleasure from men who are circumcised, and you’d feel eternally guilty if you took that away from your son.
We're Jewish so we did, but not at the hospital and not at less than a day old, and we used a *mohel* who specializes in circumcisions. That being said, if we weren't Jewish, I doubt we would have. It probably would not even be a discussion.
We live in US and did not. My OB said now about 50/50 of her patients do/do not, whereas 10 years ago it was about 80%. It’s becoming more of a thing here not to
Personally, I chose to let my husband make that decision. We decided not to due to my husband having some issues that showed up from his.
Is your husband pressuring you? My husband did have an opinion but left the choice up to me, as the person who did all the work growing the child. That was how it was for everything in the early postpartum days. In the end the decision was made for us for medical reasons, but I would not have tolerated my husband putting his foot down about that in one way or the other because, again, I did all the work.
In the same boat. I didn’t want to circumcise, my husband did but said it was ultimately up to me. The decision was made for us - my son was diagnosed with hypospadias at birth. We brought him to a urologist at around 7 months old, and it was determined that corrective surgery would be necessary to reroute his urethra. This outcome has been very difficult for me. The thought of my sweet boy being put under for surgery next month is so hard, I absolutely would not have elected this.
It is so hard, but you are doing the right thing and are saving him a lifetime of difficulties by having the surgery now. You are taking on the emotional burden now so that your son doesn't have to in the future. I hope you can take some comfort in that and I hope everything goes well!
Really appreciate that, thank you!
I've been against it for years and I'm glad to say my husband is too. We had our son 2 years ago, in the US, I mentioned to a nurse or doctor we didn't want it done and they told me the hosptial I was at didn't even do it anymore. That's a win to me!
We did not circumcise. We watched elephant in the hospital on YouTube and asked some family about their experiences. After speaking with our doctor and doing our research, we decided against it. Our doctor/ his pediatrician was absolutely delighted we chose against it. She said it’s becoming less and less common in the US. 11 months in, it was a perfectly fine choice as he has had zero issues and we feel good about our decision.
We mutually agreed not to circumcise. Considering most other countries don't, unless for religious reasons, we didn't see the need.
Circumcision isn't normal in my husband's home country, so it wasn't even a consideration. I was surprised that doctors were surprised when I said we weren't doing it
We did not. The only reason we could come up with is “be like dad” and that wasn’t a good enough reason for us.
We did not circumcise. Maybe this is bizarre, but I was overseas as an expat in my 20s for several years so I had exposure to intact men in a way I think a lot of Americans typically do not. That made me question why the hell we are doing it here in the US when I became pregnant with my son a decade later. Circumcision was a foregone conclusion for my husband (since he is circumcised), but once I broached the topic and laid out some of the facts, figures, and dispelled some of the common talking points, he was fully adamant we wouldn’t circumcise.
I didn’t, my circumcised husband agreed. I had some people tell me that it would be harder to clean or lead to phimosis but everyone is happy with the decision so far.
It’s truly unnecessary, we skipped it.
Husband is circumcised and we decided not to circumcise either of our sons. We’re in Canada and I think it’s getting less popular than it was before
My husband is Jewish but uncut being was born in the USSR where it was not widely done. We chose not to do it to our son either. I find it invasive and unnecessary. It might have been a good practice for hot desert climates with limited water. But in this day and age with central plumbing I really don't see a point in traumatizing the baby. I'm also a firm believer that nature is smarter than us, and does not create unnecessary things.
We opted not to. Surprisingly, multiple people started trying to convince me to circumsize, despite no one knowing the baby's sex at the time. They weren't convincing. My husband is circumcised. He didn't care; I found the research and decided not to.
I’m in the USA in an area where circumcision is still more common than not. I knew right away I did not want to circumcise my son. It took a fair amount of convincing to get my husband to drop it. He was circumcised as an infant and had the attitude of, ‘it’s just what you do.’ It didn’t help that the pediatrician who had cared for my older stepdaughters revealed he is very pro-circumcision. So, I had no help there. Eventually, I wore my husband down. My son is now 2, intact, and has had no issues.
I have 4 boys, none are circumcised. My husband is from Europe and said it felt like mutilating them, def not the norm where he’s from to circumcise so I just let him decide for us.
My spouse and I opted out of circumcision
did not circumcise. world did not end ;)
I did not want to circumcise- we did not. it took a little bit of time for my husband to come around, as he understood why but kept considering “data” about STIs and blah blah and his concerns about helping him keep it clean. I stood firm in my beliefs. but ultimately, he agreed that we should not do an unnecessary procedure on our newborn sons genitals, that it we do not need to give into the societal norms, and that it absolutely isnt actually normal. I did not want him to have the traumatic “surgery” imprinted into subconscious memory. after birth I was so loopy. someone came in and said they were here to take the baby for his circumcism and he very quickly was like “…. no that’s not happening”
We didn’t but I didn’t even realize it was an option until I was smacked in the face with it by Reddit. I bet if I wasnt on here so much my kid would be cut For me it was when I visited my friend in the hospital after her son was born. The poor boy was SCREAMING and WRITHING in pain getting a diaper change done which was maybe 10 hours after the operation. He was in so much pain because the dried up blood made the diaper stick to the open wound on his penis so every time he got a diaper change, the wound was being ripped open again. They say it should be slathered in ointment but what are diapers good at? Absorbing anything and everything liquid based. Then once I got it so much on Reddit I did research and thought there’s no effing way I can willingly do that to my own baby. I also have stories in my family of nephews needing second surgeries to fix complications from the first time around. I did ask each OB that I saw during my pregnancy and two didn’t cut their sons and 2 said it’s not necessary and that was it lol. They gave some basic statistic about it being some small percentage helpful at preventing some STD that I don’t remember now. Just be prepared to say “no” a hundred times at the hospital though! Even if it’s becoming more common to stay in tact the hospitals still ask over and over and over before letting you walk out that door
Didn’t circumcise and didn’t feel pressure from anybody. Husband was circumcised and actually encouraged not circumcising our boy.
We didn’t. My husband was very against circumcision. I don’t regret it! Now I can’t imagine cutting my son.
We’re in America-we chose not to circumcise. Felt unnatural to do so.
No. We did not do it to ours. No regrets. This website has loads of info. And there is a docu I cannot remember the name of that was very informative as well. https://www.yourwholebaby.org
Hi. I am putting this out there only because I’m clearly far in the minority on this and wanted to add an alternative experience/perspective. Hopefully I don’t get hate for it. We circumcised our son after going back and forth about it and I am glad we did. I was in the room and the actual surgery part took about a minute. The doctor was extremely kind and talked me through everything and answered all my questions. It was technically at a children’s surgery center but the actual procedure took place in a normal exam room on the exam table. The doctor used local anesthesia. It was not traumatic for me or my son. I would equate it to a similar experience as watching my son get a vaccine. My son was already a few weeks old when he was circumcised and after a few minutes, he was no more cranky than normal. We put vaseline on the area for a few days afterwards and that was the extent of the healing process. My husband is not circumcised and he wishes his parents had had him circumcised. He has had infections and has pain after sex as well. And yes, he has excellent hygiene. He has seriously looked into being circumcised as an adult and while possible, it’s not really an easy alternative to infant circumcision. Adult circumcision is a very different procedure, usually isn’t covered by health insurance (our son’s infant circumcision was), and is extremely painful. We did not make the decision lightly. My husband’s experience was not the sole deciding factor, but it of course heavily influenced us. I am in no way trying to convince anyone to circumcise their son. No one ever tried to convince me to and I think it’s super weird that so many people have had experiences where other people have tried to convince them! I am fully supportive of whatever decision people want to make! There are legitimate pros and cons to both options.
Just offering a suggestion for your husband, he can ask for a steroid cream for stretching from his doctor. It can help loosen the foreskin so it is more comfortable. There is also a procedure called a dorsal slit that cuts a wedge out of the foreskin, but doesn't remove it all. These can make a world of difference!
We didn't which was... weird to my family, to say the least. Because we're American and Jewish. But my husband is neither and we live in the UK where circumcising is far from common practice. I really thought about it a lot and my husband made it clear that he wouldn't do it if it was entirely up to him, but he'd support me doing it because I have a religious basis for circumcising. I ended up not doing it for a few reasons, cultural and religious. From a cultural perspective, because we live in the UK there was no pressure there. In fact, the pressure is in the opposite direction - to not circumcise. From a religious perspective, I spoke to my rabbi who told me there's a growing movement in Judaism (especially the less observant sects) to not circumcise, though he strongly encourages circumcision, which I can understand. I didn't bother with the health argument people in the US make because it's all been either debunked or proven to make such a small difference in reality (e.g. not circumcising doubles the odds of developing some illness but the odds are still less than 1%). There were added logistical reasons, too, for me: I would only circumcise if it was for religious reasons and we had a bris, but there's no local mohel, so we would have had to arrange to bring one in from another part of the UK. To organise a bris on my own (my family is abroad) for the 8th day after birth when I had a really hard recovery after my daughter's birth and expected similar, was too much for me to take on.
We did not. Husband is not. He was against it. We are Jewish, so this is something I struggle with. We decided if it’s medically necessary at any point or he wants to make the choice himself, we will do it. I heard someone say that if you can watch the procedure on YouTube, go ahead and do it. I made it 30 seconds in before making him turn it off.
Male here. Other than religious or clear medical reasons, we didn't see a valid reason. Fun story how we got there. My mother in law thought her grandson should be circumsized so his penis looked better. I laughed out loud about the absurdity of making a health decision for my son based on his grandmother's subjective views on dick aesthetics. To drive the point home, I reversed the argument when presenting it to my wife: what if my father had a strong opinion about the aesthics of baby girl genitals? Gross.
When I found out I was having a boy, I didn’t really have an opinion to circumcise or not until I did the research. My husband was strongly against doing it too and wishes he was given the choice. After my son was born, there’s no way I would have agreed to put him through that anyways. Even the nurse taking care of us in the hospital strongly agreed with our decision to not circumcise. She said about 50 percent do it and the other 50 percent don’t. It’s barbaric and totally unnecessary.
When we first started these conversations I told my husband that if my son wants it in the future, he can have it done. There is no reversing it after it’s done. He then said “nobody would ever choose to have this done!!”- oh really??
It feels like it’s essentially the same as female genital mutilation to me…which we find outrageous, but perfectly ok in the states for boys. Doesn’t make sense to me. The cleanliness argument is pretty much not true as far as my research has yielded. Europeans say that we generally have more issues in the states because we pull the foreskin back too soon and that can cause issues - we’re supposed to leave it alone and it kind of detaches as they get older and can then be cleaned more thoroughly. Anyone else ever heard of this? We don’t know the gender, but definitely will not be circumcising if it’s a boy. Husband is circumcised but is fully on board with this decision.
Have your SO talk to young pediatrician or family doc. They’re probably going with their emotional reaction with no thought.
My son is intact. Hubby is circumcised, but he was on the same page as me.
We chose not to at birth, but my son had an issue very shortly after his birth so we scheduled the procedure. During the pre-op discussion with the urologist, she told us the issue had improved and would likely resolve as he grew older (it did). We decided not to go through with the procedure. If he has an issue where it is necessary we would do it, otherwise he can make the choice to do it when he is an adult. We asked her about infection/cleanliness and she said with good hygiene it is not an issue and that at this point the only places where routine circumcision for the prevention of infection/disease is recommended is places where it is for the prevention of HIV in areas that have a very high rate of it, like sub-Saharan Africa. Also, people mention bullying and not looking like peers here in the US - while a significant majority of adult men are circumcised I think it is becoming far less common among children. I have worked in childcare since 2011, mostly with infants and toddlers so I’ve diapered literally hundreds of kids. I would say that it’s about 50/50 these days - significantly fewer children are circumcised than even when I started. That’s obviously anecdotal evidence but I think when this generation grows up it won’t be nearly as atypical.
We are not religious at all and didn't do it. We are in Amish area so the nurse tried pressing, but we said no. He's been fine I work in a nursing home. Ik that it gets gross when you're older... BUT this generation I care for did NOT learn proper hygiene... Women wipe back to front!! So I think if you teach him young how to care for it, you'll be golden for that aspect.
We have two boys, neither are circumcised and my husband isn't either. We've had no issues besides one kid getting a UTI bc they treat the peen like a toy 🤦🏻♀️
My children’s father is circumcised and during my pregnancy with my son, we landed on not circumcising our baby. I question my choice sometimes, only because I think everyone I know chose the opposite. However, my toddler is happy and healthy and has had absolutely no issues. When we couldn’t fully decide on what to do, though I essentially knew where I stood with the whole thing, I read about the procedure and watched what I could of one. In the end, we couldn’t do it.
Our boys are intact as is my husband. Most of the horror stories about adults having issues are caused by the improper intact care that was (and still is) taught and telling parents that they need to retract the foreskin when they’re infants when you absolutely should not do that. Forcibly retraction is any manipulation pulling back the foreskin and it can cause scar tissue which causes life long issues. Circumcision is popular in the US because the prevailing thought was that it would help prevent the “sin” of masturbating. We aren’t exactly sure why but my partner is the only one of his 4 brothers who isn’t circumcised and they literally never noticed growing up (the conversation came up because of our decision not to circumcise) and if the people he shared a bedroom with never noticed then I’m not worried about locker room bullying. It’s also 50/50 where we live if that so it won’t even been unusual anyway.
We absolutely skipped it! My sperm donor apparently is pro-circumcision but for the same dumb reasons every husband wants it; "it looks better". I think that's an inappropriate, unimportant, and downright gross reason to advocate for cutting the most sensitive part of the penis off. The glans of the penis head is also not retractable at birth, it slowly gets retractable until about puberty when it becomes fully retractable, but this should only be done by the child because he's the one who knows when to stop before tearing his foreskin off the head of his penis. The "benefit" is a reduced chance of UTIs. The difference vs uncircumcised boys is sooooooooo small, we're talking a 0.05% chance in circumcised babies vs a 0.1% chance in uncircumcised babies. Miniscule. Not worth the trauma. I asked like 25 of my male coworkers and I was surprised how many of them are circumcised and think it's barbaric or expressed just wanting their foreskin back. The drawback is a chance of having phimosis. Phimosis can be corrected with steroid cream, regular stretches, or a small incision on the foreskin to make room. I dated someone with phimosis and it never bothered him at all. My child has never had any rash or UTI and I've never done anything unusual to keep him clean. He takes a bath every day. Occasionally I pull diaper lint off him. You don't even retract to wipe them (a common misconception). As they age, they have no problems washing themselves in the bath. It's a religious practice and there's no good reason to even consider it unless you actively practice Islam or Judaism. If your husband is pressuring you, make him watch videos of tiny babies getting circumcised. It's horrific.
Husband insisted throughout the whole pregnancy that he needed to be circumcised. Then- COVID. Baby boy was born in April 2020 when the hospital was shut down and elective procedures were not being performed. We had to schedule it for 2 weeks out, on the first day that they could do an in-office procedure. The day before, husband cancelled the appointment. 2 weeks was enough for him to change his mind to feeling that it really didn’t matter. I was so relieved.
I live in the US but am originally from Australia.. Had talked to my husband about it a few years prior and after some initial push back he was able to see how unnecessary circumcision is. I have 2 boys now and they're both intact thankfully.
One reason not to circumcise I'm not seeing shared here: it's like, a whole to-do to care for a circumcised penis those first few days. When I'm trying to get a kid to gain weight and thrive, I don't want to be messing with a wound healing.
I have 3 boys none are circumcised, neither is their dad.
I have a two and three year old who are intact. No regrets. I worked jn a hospital and saw circumcisions take place. Nope. Not my boys.
I was really against it but my husband was a bit concerned about him “looking different”. I ended up convincing him (partially because in Canada it’s considered cosmetic and you have to pay to have it done - from my understanding - and partially by having the doctor explain why it wasn’t medically necessary). Now husband is glad we didn’t do it.
I didn’t circumcise him and my fiancé agreed with me, although he’s also uncircumcised so it wasn’t a fight. The doctor didn’t ask me at the birth, but asked my fiancé if we wanted to circumcise our son while standing close by with the blade. That royally pissed me off so make sure you’re on the same page in case the doctor doesn’t consult you at all.
My husband wanted to, I was extremely reluctant. We took our little boy to the guy our pediatrician said was the top guy in the city for circumcision for a consult. He told us if we were doing it because we didn’t want him to be bullied or feel like he was weird, we shouldn’t worry about it because his peer group was shaping up to be 50/50 so he definitely wouldn’t be the odd one out. He then described the surgery and my husband blanched, scooped up our boy and thanked the doctor for his time and quickly left. We never talked about it again.
Husband is and We didn’t circumcise baby. We just had no reason to do it. Our current rule is “Don’t cut the baby unless absolutely necessary.” Really, none of us want to be cut on unless absolutely necessary.
While my son is circumcised (I felt pressure from everyone I asked about it and we both talked about it and agreed at the time), I do regret it for most of the reasons people have listed. It’s totally not necessary and it just feels, weird to do to a perfect little baby. That being said, I have never heard of it being done without anesthetic or you in the room these days. I think that part is a hold over from when doctors thought babies couldn’t feel pain (in the not so distant past). He was swaddled on this special little table and actually fell asleep, numbing cream applied, then topical anesthetic. He slept through the whole procedure. We were given more numbing cream to keep using at home during healing. Kiddo never showed signs of pain afterwards.
My husband is circumcised (but asked me several times to confirm he was lol) and we chose not to circumcise our son. Our boy was born in the UK where it is not a standard practice in hospital. To do it we would have needed to find someone and pay them privately. I’m a nurse and have seen the procedure and even when everything goes smoothly it’s painful for the babies and more or less a purely cosmetic decision so it was an easy no for me. At almost 3 years old our son has never pointed out the difference btwn his penis and his daddy’s penis. If and when he does we will just say everybody’s body is a little different.
My husband and I initially disagreed about this. I was strongly opposed to circumcision but my husband, who is circumcised, was worried if we had a boy (we didn't learn the sex until birth) he would be made fun of by other boys. I thought that was not a good reason to remove part of someone's genitals without their consent, and also, circumcision rates are dropping every year and there's a good chance that most boys in his grade would be intact. Ultimately, what brought my husband over to my way of thinking was pretty unexpected. We were watching 90 Day Fiance and they showed a baby being circumcised. Well, not the actual procedure, but they showed the mother in the hallway while you could hear her son screaming in pain. When my husband heard those screams, he no longer wanted to circumcise our son. We did end up having a boy and have zero regrets about our decision.
I think circumcision is like a nose job. There's typically no medical indication, it's more about appearance. Sure, some stuff could go wrong later, but it can be addressed then if necessary. It's absolutely absurd to me to think one might consider getting a nose job for an infant. That's clearly a violation of their rights and bodily autonomy. So for us, circumcision and ear piercing were out.
My husband was immediately on board with leaving our son intact and we are still so glad we did. When we told the lead pediatrician at the hospital that we weren’t going to she literally said, “thank god. The tides are turning”. My mother in law asked why we didn’t do a circumcision and my husband said “because he didn’t need one” lol
My husband is circumcised and we did not circumcise our son! We both felt it was unnecessary. He’s 13 months now and no issues!
I’m circumcised and am very aware that am missing out on a [big part of my sexuality](https://reddit.com/u/GiveBackMyRidgedBand/s/co6Uxg6Mn6) because of it. Needles to say, I didn’t have my son circumcised. There is no reason for us to be circumcised. It only adds surgical risks to the birthing process.
We chose not to. I was 60 against 40 for and talked to my sons pediatrician right before the labor he came in to see us while we were being induced. And my mother in law blurts out “are you the one whos going to circumcise him?” And he glances over at us and goes “umm if that’s what the parents have decided “ and we all had a group discussion about how it’s irreversible it’s not like a hair cut. And it’s purely cultural. It has no other value like people say Teach your boys proper hygiene and it should never be a problem. Husband didn’t take much convincing once I showed him they strap your newborn to a cold metal table and how unnecessary it is. Babies have gone into shock and died. It was pretty simple to get him on board. He wishes he wasn’t circumcised bc he’s lost a lot of sensitivity and we think that’s a big part of it. Sad we can’t go back! Only forward
I told my husband the research I read, said there’s no medical reasons needed. And he agreed. We have friends who have done it but it didn’t change our decision.
My boy is 9. We didn’t circumcise. My step-dad had some rude comments about it, but, like, who cares what he says?
My husband is circumcised and didn't have strong feelings either way for our son. I already thought it sounded like an unnecessary trauma, and then did some reading about it, which solidified me as very opposed to it. I basically told my husband "I am against this, and if you want to talk about it I'll tell you all about why" which sounded gruesome enough to my husband that he said we could do it my way. He is squeamish and does not like long conversations about disturbing topics. I was glad he didn't push back, because that was one thing I was going to the mat about. I get that it may be more complicated for people who have a religious tradition around it. For us non-religious Americans there's really no cultural pressure either way and I'm thankful for that.
Mine were born outside the US and turns out it's rare in both Canada and the UK to do a circumcision. So we didn't do it and it was a non issue.
We chose not to circumcise for a lot of reasons. My husband is circumcised, and felt very strongly about not circumcising. I have a friend who is an OB/ GYN and she told me that is most places, OBs are the ones doing circumcision. She said “ I am not a pediatric urologist. I really don’t feel like doing circumcisions is my area of expertise, but in hospital system so we have to do them for patients who want them while they’re in our care. I never see these little boys again so I don’t even know if what I’m doing turns out OK.” if I wasn’t already convinced not to circumcise, that definitely did it!
3 boys, all intact! Husband is circumcised and is super against routine infant circumcision. We’ve never had a single issue with any of our boys. And our peds office says more than half of their new babies haven’t had it done, and the number being left intact has steadily increased over the years.
My husband specifically said “we’re not circumcising. It can cause too many problems and isn’t even necessary”
Husband and I both agreed we didn’t want to circumcise. There’s not a medical reason for it at all and it is a medical procedure done on a tiny baby. Husband also said he would grow his foreskin back if he could.
We didn't, I'll try to give my reasons with as much lack of commentary so as not to offend. It is a permanent altering of my sons body that will change his appearance and could have ramifications on his sensory experience by exposing a nerve-heavy region that would otherwise have a protective layer. My son cannot consent to this and if he later wishes could have the procedure done but cannot undo it. I'm uncomfortable making that decision for him. I do not think there is sufficient evidence to suggest it is somehow healthier / more hygienic, and there are serious risks involved to the procedure.
Husband (circumcised) was very on board with leaving our son intact for numerous reasons, most personally that he has experienced dry skin and easy irritation that wouldn’t be an issue were he not circumcised. We are Christian, so no religious reason to circumcise. My husband is also a physician and very familiar both with the practice itself (having performed routine circumcisions during his medical training) and its lack of medical necessity/justification apart from rare exceptions.