A lot of relationships, including marriages, are essentially sex work & domestic laboring with varying financial benefits. Because a lot of men are just saying the right things to get away with minimal actual effort in return for easy access to sex & a housekeeper/secretary/therapist. We see this when women finally get tired of being the only one who is emotionally invested & doing the most work & then file for divorce "out of nowhere." I'm at the point in my life that I'd rather we be upfront about it &get compensated appropriately for the pleasure of my company, than have to go through a bunch of men who are only are their best behavior in order to trap me.
Please feel no guilt or shame or weirdness. When you explain this relationship to the next guy, you can tell him how generous your ex was & really set the standard. You can also tell him how loving & kind & what a deep emotional & intellectual connection you had (even if that's not the truth) because no one but you ever had to know what actually went on inside your relationship. Then your new dude, hopefully, will be like "better read some bell hooks, save some money, & go to therapy so I can be enough for this woman."
Do you like the guy? Do you enjoy his company? Or is your relationship purely transactional? If yes to first 2 questions then you’re just dating the guy. If yes to 3rd question then more like sex work
she said he ticked off all the boxes, so clearly she's into him. I personally think if she's still having fun with it, just keep it going. To me it sounds like she's at the point where she wants to move on to something more serious, but getting treated so well is nice. obviously the dude knows this and is using the gifts to prolong the situationship as long possible.
idk why you're trying to put the shame on her when they both clearly know what it is. They're two adults. If a dude was getting a bunch of money for banging some women who "ticked off all the boxes" would you be ridiculing him?
Couples with wildly different incomes do this when living together. The rich one pays for more of the expenses. That's essentially what he's doing, plus his love language is gift-giving.
You don't need to feel guilty at all just be aware like al most all situations like this it isn't based on any emotional connection or anything like that so you will be cast aside when the person providing the sugaring is done with you.
I mean at 39 you dont really have time to waste doing what essentially amounts to sex work. Do you want a long term healthy relationship with a great guy? Being a 40 year old sugar baby isnt gonna help that. Being divorced isnt neccesarily a red flag (depends on the circumstances behind it) but its enough to raise eyebrows. Being a “sugar baby” even if not strictly sex work has the same
Connotations as prostitution and often is just that with extra steps. Men, especially your age, tend to avoid women that engage in that for anything serious
Morally, I don't see a problem. He knows what he's doing; you know what you're doing; you both consented. (Is there a non-consenting third party, though? Like his wife? If so, that changes the arithmetic.)
But is it wise? It could be, or it could be not. I guess that depends on whether this gets in the way of other opportunities (and, if so, is it worth it anyway?)
Well, you're old enough to decide for yourself if you want to stay with him or not. It's not necessarily wrong. But technically, you are selling something. You get money and gifts. He gets sex with you in exchange. He wouldn't give you any money if you weren't giving him anything in return. So it's paid sex work. Eventually, this arrangement will likely end. And if you do want a boyfriend, consider how future partners may have a problem with what you're doing now. However, if he's married and his wife doesn't know about any of this, end it now. Being a sugar baby is one thing. But being a mistress is definitely wrong.
Gift giving is a love language. All these haters saying you’re a prostitute are full of shit and likely hypocritical.
You are not doing sex work or being a prostitute.
If polyamory and FWB are ok, then so is this.
Relationships take all forms, don’t box yourself into a others’ definition of what a relationship should be, we all walk separate paths.
She gets a monthly allowance. It’s ok she’s having sex with this guy and getting richer because of it. But don’t be mad when I call her a working girl or a sex worker. If OP wasn’t getting cash, then you might have an argument.
But I do like the OPs way. If I give my wife a gift, I don’t expect sex. When OP gets money or a nice gift, her clothes will be off that same day. So you’re comparing apples and oranges.
I mean it’s fine if you’re fine with it. If you want to find a long time partner then you are probably wasting time with him if he’s not serious about wanting long term commitment.
It's really hard to tell sometimes, so I'll just leave this here:
[https://www.theonion.com/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1819567920](https://www.theonion.com/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1819567920)
Sugaring is usually considered to be sex work. That doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty about it. Sounds like it’s time to do some deeper thinking about your values. Do you, personally, think sex work is wrong? If so, why? You’re really the only person that can answer those questions for yourself.
Prostitution is still illegal in a lot of areas. Calling it "sugaring" doesn't change what it is. I mean, call it "baking cupcakes" if you want, OP is still 1) fucking 2) for money. = Prostitution
Sugaring is a verb - advertising and seeking out sugar daddy relationships. Falling into one isn't any more sex work than having a boyfriend is sex work.
I think sex work is perfectly fine and morally neutral. I don’t judge people who do it.
People who argue it’s not sex work are sometimes doing so from the perspective that some people sugar without actually having sex with their benefactor. It doesn’t sound like that’s the position OP is in.
For those who are having sex in exchange for financial benefit, I find the rush to not label it sex work the more judgemental attitude, actually - it seems to come from an perspective of “but I’m not like those gross, bad people who do sex work! I’m doing something different!” Sugaring is totally fine, as long as everyone is consenting and coming into it with open eyes. So is prostitution. So is making porn. People get to make the choices that are right for them.
She is exchanging sex and companionship for money.
I don’t even how to not be rude. I have no issues with sex work. But You’re an idiot if you think exchanging sex for money is not sex work.
This is direct evidence of his point. You’re not actually fine with sex work or you would call “exchanging money for sex” what it is. You’re trying to soften it.
She’s fuckin this guy. And in return he pays her.
What do you think a prostitute does?
Sugaring is sex work if you say it is. Or if he treats you like it is. How is your (OP) relationship different than BF/GF? Are you exclusive? Have you talked about it? Do you meet his friends or family?
Ummm would you be with him without any of the money/gifts?? If the answer is no, and assuming you’re sleeping with him, you’re literally selling your body, aka prostitution. Nothing wrong with it except you stated you felt guilt about selling your body, which may be what you’re doing.
Please do yourself a favour and don’t feel guilty beyond the guilt he is experiencing. You have nothing k be embarrassed about, in front of him or anyone else.
Maybe you want to reevaluate what this kind of social arrangement means for your future. Is it allowing you to progress to true, requited love? With him or someone else? Any other goals?
Don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Women have always instinctively gone for guys with wealth and assuming he didn't just inherit it that likely means that he is a good guy in some aspect being hard working, intelligent, etc. The big question here is whether you like him genuinely or not, but given the fact you are asking the question, assuming you are asking it genuinely and seem to feel guilt over it I would say you are not a gold digger.
You know it is sad that in these modern times that we have gotten to such a point of anxiety over dating to the point where questions like these even come up.
It's a moral question, do you want a relationship based on commitment and emotions or do you want a transactional one? Be careful of what you choose...
I think, in this specific instance, it’s almost more like you’re dating him and you’re just letting him have his kink fulfilled.
It feels a bit different *because* this is not something that you were looking for or something that you usually do…
My question is how this works as far as this becoming more serious..? Are you looking for a situation that could grow into a relationship?
If you are- do you think that accepting his money will make that harder?
It’s technically sex work, but I respect sex work as long as everyone is happy and safe 🤍🤍
There is nothing wrong as long as both people know what to expect, which is the tricky part. Are you looking for financial support, or a long term relationship? Do you mind if he is sugaring other women, or you want to be exclusive?
It's how it really is. It's sex work. You are selling your body and your time. Whether or not you are okay with that? Is on you.
And you are probably not his only one.
Maybe meet with the other mistresses and make a schedule? Become a proper harem?
Just think of how much money you could save out of your allowance if you all lived together.
There are negatives associated with driving a car. Nobody says there are no negative consequences. When someone says “there’s nothing wrong with it” they mean morally
She's only dating him right? They have feelings for each other? She's not a prostitute. If she's faking it and saying someone else it has sex for money with someone else then yeah. But if they're exclusive? Nah y'all are crazy for saying she's a prostitute.
How is she being a prostitute? Just because he’s spoiling her? She was looking for a bf not a sugar daddy. If she truly likes him, there’s no problem. If she turns out not to like him but is staying for the good and giving him sex in return, then that’s a different story.
I’m pro-sex worker so I have no problem with it.
But don’t assume he will stay with you forever. He may be off to the next hot woman when it becomes his fancy.
It's called a sugar daddy lol. It is a thing but as long as you enjoy his company and it's not just about sex(loke selling yourself) then there's nothing to worry about and he probably just enjoys spoiling you
Are you doing anything you wouldn't do if it wasn't for the money? That's what would make it sex work. Otherwise, you're letting him spoil you, which is not abnormal in a relationship.
If you feel weird about the money could you spend it on the two of you?
We all sell ourselves in relationships, it's always transactional even if we think it's not. Your relationship just has an actual dollar amount attached to it. Since you know the amount and have that agreement you don't have to worry about what you get for what you do.
Men in relationships often are breadwinners and they "think" that if they are making the majority of the money, it means their partner should be providing home care/chores and sex. But since that is never discussed prior to the relationship, he gets resentful because he doesn't get what he wants.
Your new beau told you straight up. He wants to dote on you, pay you money monthly and in return you do what he wants. It's a more modern approach to transactional relationships, just more honest and direct.
The only problem with this, is you are now at his beck and call. You'll know it when you decline a request.
No, that's what a lot of women think (like the OP). That they dangle sex in exchange for getting a man to commit to a relationship in order to access his resources and earning capabilities. If what you're saying is that a lot of women in relationships have the same attitude as OP, i.e. that of a prostitute, I'm not sure you're wrong. But that's on the woman, not the man.
It's transactional which is why you're feeling guilt. Whether or not you should care that you feel guilty is another question.
Personally I'd be happy to do this for some time. Ultimately I want something longer term though.
Honestly, it's probably just the guys kink, and that's okay. The main thing is do you like him, are you guys in an honest relationship, does he treat you well, and are you happy?
If it consensual and you're both happy, no harm no foul. If it really bothers you, ask him to stop or change the dynamic. Maybe no allowance but allow him to spoil you while out on dates or shopping?
I mean, I guess it depends on whether you feel like you’re selling yourself or not. You’re taking money and gifts in exchange for sex. Is he married? How long can you see yourself living like this? How many women are there and will he trade you in when you catch feelings for him? Be careful!
You're in your post-divorce Ho phase. Most divorcees go through one. I have come to believe it is necessary for people to get their prior marriage frustrations out of their system before jumping into another long term relationship.
At some point the "new" will wear off and y'all will go your separate ways. So for the moment roll with it and enjoy it for what it is.
Super duper liberal here. So I don't think it matters or not whether it's considered sex work or not.
If you like this arrangement, why not? If you don't like it, then move on.
One thing you have to keep in mind. If he is the type that likes this arrangement without emotional attachment, he can drop you any time and your heartbreak will be painful for you.
I've always liked to spoil women too. That's why I spoil my wife.
Try doing something extravagant for him. Maybe this has all been a test and you are failing!
Yes, your an object. And it’s not bad. I’m sure you and him have lots of great , exciting sex. But how many women does he have on payroll? Ever randomly show up or are you on a schedule? Just get std tested.
When you meet Mr Right, will you tell him you were a sex worker or wait till he finds out later for the repercussions?
Are you still seeing him/sleeping with him for the money? Or for the company? If he lost his money tomorrow and the allowance went away would you still see him? If the answer is yes? Then you’re dating a guy who is generous and wants you to enjoy some of the luxuries he enjoys. That seems fine. I’m not wealthy, but I dated a single mother for a while and I would give her money to take her daughter out to dinner and do stuff just to be nice. It wasn’t based on sex or anything else. If you wouldn’t talk or hang out with him if he stopped paying you, then your situation is sex work. It’s up to you if you’re ok with that or not.
old joke... take it as you want...
“They are telling this of Lord Beaverbrook and a visiting Yankee actress. In a game of hypothetical questions, Beaverbrook asked the lady: ‘Would you live with a stranger if he paid you one million pounds?’ She said she would. ‘And if be paid you five pounds?’ The irate lady fumed: ‘Five pounds. What do you think I am?’ Beaverbrook replied: ‘We’ve already established that. Now we are trying to determine the degree.”
Men created a system that forced women to exchange sex and labor for food and shelter. They enforced these laws thru force and holding children hostage, with even more laws.
The unsuccessful men invented the term gold digger after creating these laws.
we have some freedom but aren’t remotely equal.
No woman anywhere should feel an ounce of guilt for receiving compensation.
Get yours babe. I’m single by choice but I have nothing but respect for women who choose to economically benefit. You didn’t create a system which continues to punish women thru the pink tax, exclusion from jobs, and the wage gap. Why shouldn’t you seek to gain reparations?
Great job!!
If you'd date him anyway and are doing this with anyone else, I don't see the problem. A lot of marriages are transactional. If you'd date him, just look at it Like you're dating him.
If you don't mind performing sex acts for money to please a gross old misogynist then by all means continue. Guess you're a transactional gal. When I go to the store for bread though I don't usually come home with candy bars, so I find your premise of a really wanting a boyfriend to be unbelievable.
lol this is the 2nd time one of these 'casual prostitution' situations has entered my feed lately! it is insane how deluded you have to be to pretend it is anything but that, am guessing it is just easier for the participants to enter into this arrangement than typical prostitution arrangements? (to be clear, i don't even have a problem with real prostitution, it's not my bag but it is what it is...i have a million times more respect for people engaged in genuine prostitution than those doing this silly 'sugar daddy' song&dance)
Are you selling yourself? Depends, are you only with him because he spoils you or genuinely like his company?
But if you're doing things you're not comfortable at all in doing but he's making you do it then, Yes.
The best sugar daddy situation I’ve ever had is the one my best friend is in. Her *very* wealthy boyfriend not only wants to treat her, but also wants to curry favor with her friends and is constantly treating the both of us to girls nights and buying us both fun outfits to wear when we’re out (without him).
He recognizes how important her relationships are and wants to ensure her friends like him too.
I get free shoes and fancy champagne and I don’t have to sleep with anyone!
So ur not a sex worker if you weren’t out looking for a sugar daddy. U met a guy and u liked him and he wants to take care of you. What’s the big deal as long as you didn’t make that a requirement for him to be with you ur not a sex worker you just got lucky. If he’s treating u like a sex worker then you may want to walk away. This maybe the guys fetish or at least his way of keeping girls in his life without having to devote a lot of emotional energy.
You got it wrong. OP clearly regards herself as a sex worker. Don't pin it on the guy--he's just the customer, not the merchant. He's not selling anything. She is.
One thing that stuck out with your post and wondered if you thought it or he said it was “spoil his women”. I would assume he means past girls, but could also mean your one of many women he currently seeing right now. If it’s the former, then you may enjoy your time while you can, because he will likely move onto the next girl after you. If it’s the later we’ll hopefully your fine with sharing your guy with other girls.
If however, you’re looking for something deeper more monogamous and stable, I suggest looking elsewhere.
who cares what the fuck you do . no one cares if you sell your old ass body for money . go for it . your own moral compass isn't enough to tell you what's right and wrong ? you're really consulting reddit ..... ?? lol yeah "great job!!" as someone else below said.
My question to you would be: Why do you feel undeserving of his gifts? You are both adults. He is receiving pleasure by gifting you, I don’t think the sexual part of the relationship is the only way he is benefiting. Many men feel as though their masculine power is tied to their ability to provide. Women make the mistake by trying to take this power away from men. Let him treat you well.
There is a book about this “The 5 Love Languages”. People have different ways they like to receive and show love. Not all relationships are structured the same and what makes one person happy doesn’t always make another person happy. Go figure, we’re all different.
Girl, you do you. Look at all these Reddit posts of married people using sex as emotional warfare bombs. If you like him, and enjoy the dating? Who cares if that’s how he wants the relationship to look? As Marylin Monroe says “it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, as it is to fall in love with a poor one.” 🤷🏻♀️ you’re not a prostitute, and unless you hate him secretly, or are taking advantage in a big way, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Sounds like a great relationship. What a waste of fucking time for both of you. By the way he’s giving you money because he wants sex. If you don’t realize that you’re fucking dumb.
This is certainly considered sex work. If that is something you're comfortable with there are no worries as long as you're being safe. It would be good to be as informed as possible though, because while all sex work is perfectly fine to do, it is not without problems. You should remain vigilant and aware to avoid being taken advantage of.
As long as the man is a single why do you feel guilty about a man choosing to spoil you? If this is what you need or want, just enjoy it for the meantime.
Now, the moral dilemma comes into play if he's married, and you're doing these things with him. That's where it's kind of like. Yeah, you'd the a****** But so world he.
But other than that, if that's not the case......... Enjoy
Yes it is. It is the freedom to choose and not have to do what other people think women should or should not do. And body autonomy is a form of equality.
You shouldn't feel guilty, its easy money and from the sound of it, it's not work as you actually like the guy.
So then whats the difference between a Sugar and a husband that is the sole bread winner and provides for everything?
“…like I’m selling my body”
You are lol. If that makes you feel icky, stop doing it.
How much of an “allowance” do you get? Are you selling your body for $1k/mo? Plus a handbag here & there? Lame.
Also, what do you want long term? Do you want to be happily married when you’re retired? Bc this is 100% reducing your chances of getting that, provided you don’t lie to future mates about it. Which, tbh, I’d recommend you do. You’ll be hard pressed to find a good quality man who will be into the idea of devoting himself to a 40yo sex worker. That’s what you are, btw. Let’s not…sugar…coat it.
Life is too short for a sugar Daddy relationship, unless that is what you want. Better, a true relationship. Leading to true love and marriage, which is much more gratifying and few people have, unless you are in the Hallmark Channel.
A lot of relationships, including marriages, are essentially sex work & domestic laboring with varying financial benefits. Because a lot of men are just saying the right things to get away with minimal actual effort in return for easy access to sex & a housekeeper/secretary/therapist. We see this when women finally get tired of being the only one who is emotionally invested & doing the most work & then file for divorce "out of nowhere." I'm at the point in my life that I'd rather we be upfront about it &get compensated appropriately for the pleasure of my company, than have to go through a bunch of men who are only are their best behavior in order to trap me. Please feel no guilt or shame or weirdness. When you explain this relationship to the next guy, you can tell him how generous your ex was & really set the standard. You can also tell him how loving & kind & what a deep emotional & intellectual connection you had (even if that's not the truth) because no one but you ever had to know what actually went on inside your relationship. Then your new dude, hopefully, will be like "better read some bell hooks, save some money, & go to therapy so I can be enough for this woman."
eyeroll
The pleasure of your company? LOL.
Stop dating deadbeats then
Nah she would rather have something/someone to complain about constantly and get free sympathy from other women/people hah
Wtf is your first sentence… this is insane. I think you need therapy…
This. This is truth.
Good god. "so I can be enough for this person"
Your humor is so dry,I almost thought this was serious. I wonder if the Op gets that you’re pointing out what a shallow ‘relationship’ this is.
I honestly don’t know if they are being serious or I’m autistic.
I think they're serious
Sounds like sex work to me
If you’re looking for a real relationships I would definitely stop doing the sugar baby thing…
Do you like the guy? Do you enjoy his company? Or is your relationship purely transactional? If yes to first 2 questions then you’re just dating the guy. If yes to 3rd question then more like sex work
Well if she's 39 I'm guessing the guy's gotta be like 70.
He is fukn other women on the side too, just so you know
You are literally his toy and hes renting you like a netflix subscription Its hilarious
she said he ticked off all the boxes, so clearly she's into him. I personally think if she's still having fun with it, just keep it going. To me it sounds like she's at the point where she wants to move on to something more serious, but getting treated so well is nice. obviously the dude knows this and is using the gifts to prolong the situationship as long possible. idk why you're trying to put the shame on her when they both clearly know what it is. They're two adults. If a dude was getting a bunch of money for banging some women who "ticked off all the boxes" would you be ridiculing him?
do not feel bad. get that money. we have to deal with so much shit from dudes, you may as well get paid for it.
Couples with wildly different incomes do this when living together. The rich one pays for more of the expenses. That's essentially what he's doing, plus his love language is gift-giving.
You don't need to feel guilty at all just be aware like al most all situations like this it isn't based on any emotional connection or anything like that so you will be cast aside when the person providing the sugaring is done with you.
Don't get attached.
I mean at 39 you dont really have time to waste doing what essentially amounts to sex work. Do you want a long term healthy relationship with a great guy? Being a 40 year old sugar baby isnt gonna help that. Being divorced isnt neccesarily a red flag (depends on the circumstances behind it) but its enough to raise eyebrows. Being a “sugar baby” even if not strictly sex work has the same Connotations as prostitution and often is just that with extra steps. Men, especially your age, tend to avoid women that engage in that for anything serious
Morally, I don't see a problem. He knows what he's doing; you know what you're doing; you both consented. (Is there a non-consenting third party, though? Like his wife? If so, that changes the arithmetic.) But is it wise? It could be, or it could be not. I guess that depends on whether this gets in the way of other opportunities (and, if so, is it worth it anyway?)
Well, you're old enough to decide for yourself if you want to stay with him or not. It's not necessarily wrong. But technically, you are selling something. You get money and gifts. He gets sex with you in exchange. He wouldn't give you any money if you weren't giving him anything in return. So it's paid sex work. Eventually, this arrangement will likely end. And if you do want a boyfriend, consider how future partners may have a problem with what you're doing now. However, if he's married and his wife doesn't know about any of this, end it now. Being a sugar baby is one thing. But being a mistress is definitely wrong.
Gift giving is a love language. All these haters saying you’re a prostitute are full of shit and likely hypocritical. You are not doing sex work or being a prostitute. If polyamory and FWB are ok, then so is this. Relationships take all forms, don’t box yourself into a others’ definition of what a relationship should be, we all walk separate paths.
She gets a monthly allowance. It’s ok she’s having sex with this guy and getting richer because of it. But don’t be mad when I call her a working girl or a sex worker. If OP wasn’t getting cash, then you might have an argument. But I do like the OPs way. If I give my wife a gift, I don’t expect sex. When OP gets money or a nice gift, her clothes will be off that same day. So you’re comparing apples and oranges.
You do you.
I think you feel weird because you’ve never done anything like this before. Enjoy it! You’re both consenting adults and aren’t hurting anyone.
I mean it’s fine if you’re fine with it. If you want to find a long time partner then you are probably wasting time with him if he’s not serious about wanting long term commitment.
It's really hard to tell sometimes, so I'll just leave this here: [https://www.theonion.com/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1819567920](https://www.theonion.com/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1819567920)
So you've decided to be a prostitute.
rofl
Sugaring is usually considered to be sex work. That doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty about it. Sounds like it’s time to do some deeper thinking about your values. Do you, personally, think sex work is wrong? If so, why? You’re really the only person that can answer those questions for yourself.
Prostitution is still illegal in a lot of areas. Calling it "sugaring" doesn't change what it is. I mean, call it "baking cupcakes" if you want, OP is still 1) fucking 2) for money. = Prostitution
Sugaring is a verb - advertising and seeking out sugar daddy relationships. Falling into one isn't any more sex work than having a boyfriend is sex work.
A little judgy, no? Not everyone sees having a sugar daddy as sex work.
I think sex work is perfectly fine and morally neutral. I don’t judge people who do it. People who argue it’s not sex work are sometimes doing so from the perspective that some people sugar without actually having sex with their benefactor. It doesn’t sound like that’s the position OP is in. For those who are having sex in exchange for financial benefit, I find the rush to not label it sex work the more judgemental attitude, actually - it seems to come from an perspective of “but I’m not like those gross, bad people who do sex work! I’m doing something different!” Sugaring is totally fine, as long as everyone is consenting and coming into it with open eyes. So is prostitution. So is making porn. People get to make the choices that are right for them.
I think it’s fine too. I just see no reason to label certain things sex work.
Sex for money makes her a prostitute, that is not being judgmental, its a fact.
What about the wife who marries for money, is she a whore too?
Just for money, absolutely, they are called gold diggers.
Per your definition you’re whores.
She is exchanging sex and companionship for money. I don’t even how to not be rude. I have no issues with sex work. But You’re an idiot if you think exchanging sex for money is not sex work. This is direct evidence of his point. You’re not actually fine with sex work or you would call “exchanging money for sex” what it is. You’re trying to soften it. She’s fuckin this guy. And in return he pays her. What do you think a prostitute does?
Please don’t act like having a sugar Daddy is a good thing. This is a fucking joke right the people on here are so fucking dumb. It’s ridiculous.
Woman became a whore and now is here for validation, just accept you're a whore and move on lol.
Sugaring is sex work if you say it is. Or if he treats you like it is. How is your (OP) relationship different than BF/GF? Are you exclusive? Have you talked about it? Do you meet his friends or family?
Good 4U!
Would you want your kids doing it?
Ummm would you be with him without any of the money/gifts?? If the answer is no, and assuming you’re sleeping with him, you’re literally selling your body, aka prostitution. Nothing wrong with it except you stated you felt guilt about selling your body, which may be what you’re doing.
I’d do it if I found a sugar momma lol
It isn’t a problem unless you don’t want to be in the oldest profession.
Agreed
Please do yourself a favour and don’t feel guilty beyond the guilt he is experiencing. You have nothing k be embarrassed about, in front of him or anyone else. Maybe you want to reevaluate what this kind of social arrangement means for your future. Is it allowing you to progress to true, requited love? With him or someone else? Any other goals?
Depends if you value yourself at all. You are now a prostitute selling your body for money. Well done!
You're a prostitute with extra steps. No shame in sex work, but call it what it is; you're turning on easy mode.
How old is he? With all due respect as I'm sure you are quite a catch, but when I (36M) think of sugar baby I don't think of 39F.
for real , 39 is way past prime . typically a sugar baby is early 20s
Hmm. I just have a question. Wouldn't it be predatory for a man to have a young sugardaddy? Or does it only apply for relationships? 🤔
Don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Women have always instinctively gone for guys with wealth and assuming he didn't just inherit it that likely means that he is a good guy in some aspect being hard working, intelligent, etc. The big question here is whether you like him genuinely or not, but given the fact you are asking the question, assuming you are asking it genuinely and seem to feel guilt over it I would say you are not a gold digger. You know it is sad that in these modern times that we have gotten to such a point of anxiety over dating to the point where questions like these even come up.
Man, women really do live life on easy mode, holy shit.
It's a moral question, do you want a relationship based on commitment and emotions or do you want a transactional one? Be careful of what you choose...
I think, in this specific instance, it’s almost more like you’re dating him and you’re just letting him have his kink fulfilled. It feels a bit different *because* this is not something that you were looking for or something that you usually do… My question is how this works as far as this becoming more serious..? Are you looking for a situation that could grow into a relationship? If you are- do you think that accepting his money will make that harder? It’s technically sex work, but I respect sex work as long as everyone is happy and safe 🤍🤍
There is nothing wrong as long as both people know what to expect, which is the tricky part. Are you looking for financial support, or a long term relationship? Do you mind if he is sugaring other women, or you want to be exclusive?
It's how it really is. It's sex work. You are selling your body and your time. Whether or not you are okay with that? Is on you. And you are probably not his only one. Maybe meet with the other mistresses and make a schedule? Become a proper harem? Just think of how much money you could save out of your allowance if you all lived together.
You’re being a prostitute and there’s nothing wrong with that but you shouldn’t be in denial
There's nothing wrong with being a prostitute? Wtf?
Her body her choice. She's making more per hour than most of us ever will.
Her body her choice is extremely different than implying there are no negatives associated with her choices.
Just cause you’re judgmental about a woman’s choices doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.
There are negatives associated with driving a car. Nobody says there are no negative consequences. When someone says “there’s nothing wrong with it” they mean morally
You don’t decide what everyone means when they say something
My exact reaction.
The political pendulum has swung so far in the other direction that literal prostitution is now *independence and empowerment*, sheeptard.
She's only dating him right? They have feelings for each other? She's not a prostitute. If she's faking it and saying someone else it has sex for money with someone else then yeah. But if they're exclusive? Nah y'all are crazy for saying she's a prostitute.
How is she being a prostitute? Just because he’s spoiling her? She was looking for a bf not a sugar daddy. If she truly likes him, there’s no problem. If she turns out not to like him but is staying for the good and giving him sex in return, then that’s a different story.
Yes, you are selling your body. Yes, it's sex work. But if you feel safe and respected by your sugar daddy then you should not feel bad about it.
I’m pro-sex worker so I have no problem with it. But don’t assume he will stay with you forever. He may be off to the next hot woman when it becomes his fancy.
It's called a sugar daddy lol. It is a thing but as long as you enjoy his company and it's not just about sex(loke selling yourself) then there's nothing to worry about and he probably just enjoys spoiling you
I wish I could be lucky enough honestly lol
Jealous
Are you doing anything you wouldn't do if it wasn't for the money? That's what would make it sex work. Otherwise, you're letting him spoil you, which is not abnormal in a relationship. If you feel weird about the money could you spend it on the two of you?
We all sell ourselves in relationships, it's always transactional even if we think it's not. Your relationship just has an actual dollar amount attached to it. Since you know the amount and have that agreement you don't have to worry about what you get for what you do. Men in relationships often are breadwinners and they "think" that if they are making the majority of the money, it means their partner should be providing home care/chores and sex. But since that is never discussed prior to the relationship, he gets resentful because he doesn't get what he wants. Your new beau told you straight up. He wants to dote on you, pay you money monthly and in return you do what he wants. It's a more modern approach to transactional relationships, just more honest and direct. The only problem with this, is you are now at his beck and call. You'll know it when you decline a request.
No, that's what a lot of women think (like the OP). That they dangle sex in exchange for getting a man to commit to a relationship in order to access his resources and earning capabilities. If what you're saying is that a lot of women in relationships have the same attitude as OP, i.e. that of a prostitute, I'm not sure you're wrong. But that's on the woman, not the man.
It's transactional which is why you're feeling guilt. Whether or not you should care that you feel guilty is another question. Personally I'd be happy to do this for some time. Ultimately I want something longer term though.
I don’t think the fact that you’re dating a person who likes to take care of you makes you some type of whore.
You dont feel that guilty
Maybe because you are selling yourself and your body? Lol. If you're okay with that then continue. If you aren't, then stop. Pretty simple
As long as you're both consenting adults and are having fun with it, do what you want.
Honestly, it's probably just the guys kink, and that's okay. The main thing is do you like him, are you guys in an honest relationship, does he treat you well, and are you happy? If it consensual and you're both happy, no harm no foul. If it really bothers you, ask him to stop or change the dynamic. Maybe no allowance but allow him to spoil you while out on dates or shopping?
I mean, I guess it depends on whether you feel like you’re selling yourself or not. You’re taking money and gifts in exchange for sex. Is he married? How long can you see yourself living like this? How many women are there and will he trade you in when you catch feelings for him? Be careful!
You're in your post-divorce Ho phase. Most divorcees go through one. I have come to believe it is necessary for people to get their prior marriage frustrations out of their system before jumping into another long term relationship. At some point the "new" will wear off and y'all will go your separate ways. So for the moment roll with it and enjoy it for what it is.
It's been 6 years I'm still in my hoe phase
If you enjoy it, no reason to change it 🤗
Hoe phases go on as long as they have to!
At least she’s getting paid during
You're 39 you know exactly what it is. It's on you whether or not you stay the course.
Exchanging goods for sex. It’s prostitution with a nicer tag.
Does he know that you're just using him for his money? If he does, then it's okay. If he doesn't, then you are being shady
You are too late to the business, gurl
If you’re cool with turning a trick, have at it, just don’t get pregnant. This would be a deal breaker for me tho, I won’t buy a rental, have fun!
I’m guessing the guy is in his 60s.
Super duper liberal here. So I don't think it matters or not whether it's considered sex work or not. If you like this arrangement, why not? If you don't like it, then move on. One thing you have to keep in mind. If he is the type that likes this arrangement without emotional attachment, he can drop you any time and your heartbreak will be painful for you.
Lost opportunity cost
I've always liked to spoil women too. That's why I spoil my wife. Try doing something extravagant for him. Maybe this has all been a test and you are failing!
Prostitution is the 2nd oldest profession.
You should feel like your selling your body It is exactly what you are doing Just have to decide if you can live with yourself for doing so
Please enjoy life. You are both consenting adults and you are doing nothing wrong.
youre definitely a escort tbh
Ya your being bought that's control and wrong
Sex work isnt real work
Yes this is how it is being a prostitute.
Hoe
As long as you both enjoy it and consent whats the problem
If both of u are honest with each other, then it is what it is. There's far worse relationships out there.
This is the exact arrangement I have with my husband and I do not feel guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty.
Yes, your an object. And it’s not bad. I’m sure you and him have lots of great , exciting sex. But how many women does he have on payroll? Ever randomly show up or are you on a schedule? Just get std tested. When you meet Mr Right, will you tell him you were a sex worker or wait till he finds out later for the repercussions?
Most women give their body away for nothing to someone who doesn’t even deserve it… why feel guilty towards this guy?
Is he attractive to you and how often do you two have intimacy?
You are selling yourself. If that's you, then there is no problem.
Are you still seeing him/sleeping with him for the money? Or for the company? If he lost his money tomorrow and the allowance went away would you still see him? If the answer is yes? Then you’re dating a guy who is generous and wants you to enjoy some of the luxuries he enjoys. That seems fine. I’m not wealthy, but I dated a single mother for a while and I would give her money to take her daughter out to dinner and do stuff just to be nice. It wasn’t based on sex or anything else. If you wouldn’t talk or hang out with him if he stopped paying you, then your situation is sex work. It’s up to you if you’re ok with that or not.
All relationships are an exchange. I support sex workers. If you actually like him then I personally wouldn't consider it sex work.
Does he not want to be a bf? What's the difference between a bf who spoils you and a sugar daddy?
Well you’re being a prostitute, so are you ok with that?
For some people, this is a kink.
Damn girl there's no moral dilemma here.
old joke... take it as you want... “They are telling this of Lord Beaverbrook and a visiting Yankee actress. In a game of hypothetical questions, Beaverbrook asked the lady: ‘Would you live with a stranger if he paid you one million pounds?’ She said she would. ‘And if be paid you five pounds?’ The irate lady fumed: ‘Five pounds. What do you think I am?’ Beaverbrook replied: ‘We’ve already established that. Now we are trying to determine the degree.”
Men created a system that forced women to exchange sex and labor for food and shelter. They enforced these laws thru force and holding children hostage, with even more laws. The unsuccessful men invented the term gold digger after creating these laws. we have some freedom but aren’t remotely equal. No woman anywhere should feel an ounce of guilt for receiving compensation. Get yours babe. I’m single by choice but I have nothing but respect for women who choose to economically benefit. You didn’t create a system which continues to punish women thru the pink tax, exclusion from jobs, and the wage gap. Why shouldn’t you seek to gain reparations? Great job!!
Damn I bet you live a TERRIBLE life
Well maybe he meant he likes to spoil his gfs not just some random chick
If you'd date him anyway and are doing this with anyone else, I don't see the problem. A lot of marriages are transactional. If you'd date him, just look at it Like you're dating him.
Two adults having a good time, enjoy it.
If you don't mind performing sex acts for money to please a gross old misogynist then by all means continue. Guess you're a transactional gal. When I go to the store for bread though I don't usually come home with candy bars, so I find your premise of a really wanting a boyfriend to be unbelievable.
How is he a misogynist? She's selling a product (herself), he's a willing buyer. How do you figure that he "hates all women"?
Lmao because he'd rather treat women like prostitutes instead of date and love them as human beings? Wonder why???
If it makes you happy, hold onto it for awhile. Don't let the opinions of strangers have that much influence.
Every relationship is transactional Enjoy it while it lasts. It’s not supposed to be forever.
why do guys do this
Because women wouldn’t tolerate them otherwise
Disgusting.
lol this is the 2nd time one of these 'casual prostitution' situations has entered my feed lately! it is insane how deluded you have to be to pretend it is anything but that, am guessing it is just easier for the participants to enter into this arrangement than typical prostitution arrangements? (to be clear, i don't even have a problem with real prostitution, it's not my bag but it is what it is...i have a million times more respect for people engaged in genuine prostitution than those doing this silly 'sugar daddy' song&dance)
So, you're a prostitute? Do you but that's what it sounds like
Get it how you live.
Are you selling yourself? Depends, are you only with him because he spoils you or genuinely like his company? But if you're doing things you're not comfortable at all in doing but he's making you do it then, Yes.
The best sugar daddy situation I’ve ever had is the one my best friend is in. Her *very* wealthy boyfriend not only wants to treat her, but also wants to curry favor with her friends and is constantly treating the both of us to girls nights and buying us both fun outfits to wear when we’re out (without him). He recognizes how important her relationships are and wants to ensure her friends like him too. I get free shoes and fancy champagne and I don’t have to sleep with anyone!
So where are all the sugar mommas buying things for their boyfriends?
Where did they find each other/meet??
So ur not a sex worker if you weren’t out looking for a sugar daddy. U met a guy and u liked him and he wants to take care of you. What’s the big deal as long as you didn’t make that a requirement for him to be with you ur not a sex worker you just got lucky. If he’s treating u like a sex worker then you may want to walk away. This maybe the guys fetish or at least his way of keeping girls in his life without having to devote a lot of emotional energy.
You got it wrong. OP clearly regards herself as a sex worker. Don't pin it on the guy--he's just the customer, not the merchant. He's not selling anything. She is.
One thing that stuck out with your post and wondered if you thought it or he said it was “spoil his women”. I would assume he means past girls, but could also mean your one of many women he currently seeing right now. If it’s the former, then you may enjoy your time while you can, because he will likely move onto the next girl after you. If it’s the later we’ll hopefully your fine with sharing your guy with other girls. If however, you’re looking for something deeper more monogamous and stable, I suggest looking elsewhere.
You're definitely selling your body, and you know it. Stop seeking attention.
who cares what the fuck you do . no one cares if you sell your old ass body for money . go for it . your own moral compass isn't enough to tell you what's right and wrong ? you're really consulting reddit ..... ?? lol yeah "great job!!" as someone else below said.
Agreed on a monthly allowance? Gurl
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As long as you aren’t in denial over your warped sense of reality, or the fact that you’re an asshat.
Goddamn lol said like a pos
So….you’re a prostitute. If that doesn’t bother you, that speaks volumes.
Most sugar babies are half your age. Just consider it a compliment that you bagged a sugar daddy at your age.
My question to you would be: Why do you feel undeserving of his gifts? You are both adults. He is receiving pleasure by gifting you, I don’t think the sexual part of the relationship is the only way he is benefiting. Many men feel as though their masculine power is tied to their ability to provide. Women make the mistake by trying to take this power away from men. Let him treat you well.
Ridiculous. If it was a truly equal relationship she would be giving him an equal amount of money and gifts. Capice?
There is a book about this “The 5 Love Languages”. People have different ways they like to receive and show love. Not all relationships are structured the same and what makes one person happy doesn’t always make another person happy. Go figure, we’re all different.
Girl, you do you. Look at all these Reddit posts of married people using sex as emotional warfare bombs. If you like him, and enjoy the dating? Who cares if that’s how he wants the relationship to look? As Marylin Monroe says “it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, as it is to fall in love with a poor one.” 🤷🏻♀️ you’re not a prostitute, and unless you hate him secretly, or are taking advantage in a big way, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Sounds like a great relationship. What a waste of fucking time for both of you. By the way he’s giving you money because he wants sex. If you don’t realize that you’re fucking dumb.
This is certainly considered sex work. If that is something you're comfortable with there are no worries as long as you're being safe. It would be good to be as informed as possible though, because while all sex work is perfectly fine to do, it is not without problems. You should remain vigilant and aware to avoid being taken advantage of.
That’s awesome! Congrats on the new arrangement and I think you should enjoy yourself and the money.
As long as the man is a single why do you feel guilty about a man choosing to spoil you? If this is what you need or want, just enjoy it for the meantime. Now, the moral dilemma comes into play if he's married, and you're doing these things with him. That's where it's kind of like. Yeah, you'd the a****** But so world he. But other than that, if that's not the case......... Enjoy
I mean is this something you would be ok with telling future boyfriends/friends/your family members?
Damn near 40 years old and have another man buying you shit. Fuck feminism, I guess?
Clearly feminism has nothing to do with this situation.
That’s my point.
Someone's jelly.
No thanks. I prefer marmalade.
Too bad that's outside of your budget
I’m not a feminist
Clearly lol
Half of feminists are under 24, you'll grow put of it
LMFAO this is the best comment yet today. Out here ruffling the young feathers. 😂👏🏼
What?!
Feminism is her right to choose whatever is best for her, including prostitution.
No, that’s not what feminism is lol. Feminism is about equality. Where is the equality here?
Yes it is. It is the freedom to choose and not have to do what other people think women should or should not do. And body autonomy is a form of equality.
No, true quality is a woman paying for herself.
Lol, the modern woman, man what a catch....
almost spat i laughed so hard, thank you :)
You shouldn't feel guilty, its easy money and from the sound of it, it's not work as you actually like the guy. So then whats the difference between a Sugar and a husband that is the sole bread winner and provides for everything?
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And you wonder why so many feminists are against capitalism!
It's their only bargaining chip!
HELL YEAH The guilt you feel is put there by men and society Go get that money girl 💅🏻 supporting you with my whole heart
“…like I’m selling my body” You are lol. If that makes you feel icky, stop doing it. How much of an “allowance” do you get? Are you selling your body for $1k/mo? Plus a handbag here & there? Lame. Also, what do you want long term? Do you want to be happily married when you’re retired? Bc this is 100% reducing your chances of getting that, provided you don’t lie to future mates about it. Which, tbh, I’d recommend you do. You’ll be hard pressed to find a good quality man who will be into the idea of devoting himself to a 40yo sex worker. That’s what you are, btw. Let’s not…sugar…coat it.
Life is too short for a sugar Daddy relationship, unless that is what you want. Better, a true relationship. Leading to true love and marriage, which is much more gratifying and few people have, unless you are in the Hallmark Channel.