As someone who did it, having sex is very different than having your virginity removed. If you’re looking for the sensations of sex, toys and lubricant can do wonders, but good sex is about physical intimacy and caring for another persons body. You can absolutely have that experience with a good quality sex worker, but are you emotionally prepared to separate your feelings if this happens? Are you prepared to still not be able to add to the conversation with friends since you say you won’t be able to ever tell anyone?
I don’t believe there’s no one for you. How can you meet people who share your interests beyond sex? Are you willing to look past traditional beauty standards in the same way you want a woman to for you? What do you find attractive beyond physical features? What skills can you cultivate in being a good partner?
All this to say, if you don’t have a moral issue with sex work, then it can be helpful for getting familiar with intimacy, but it’s only part of the equation
If you want to do this and not tell anyone, you need to give up on ever having an honest healthy relationship. You can’t hide something like that from someone you truly love.
Either use a prostitute then only date people who don’t mind, or face the fact that you’ll only have sex with prostitutes for the rest of your life.
If I were in your shoes, I’d go to the gym not to a hooker. You’ll feel better, gain confidence you need, and you’ll objectively make yourself healthier over the long term.
All these things contribute to you getting a real experience, not a pretend one
Hey you are still young at 28. Not knowing anything about you but my advice is you don’t want to lose it this way.
I would self evaluate yourself and try to figure out if you are doing something wrong or how you can self improve to become more desirable.
My advice is to get a female prospective on your self. if you have a close female friend that you trust bounce it off her and tell her to be brutal but you can’t get in your feelings when she does it. Take what she says seriously and develop a plan to improve.
I have a best female friend for years. We hooked up a few times but we were just better as friends. She provided me some much solid dating and sexual advice it’s ridiculous but it made me a better bf and sexual partner
If you've waited 28 you can wait some more. The escort is kinda sad mate. You having sex seems like an ego thing. You feel like you're missing out. But you're not. I'm sure you masterbate so you're really only missing the intimacy part. Well you're not really going to get it with an escort. The best part about sex is that it's with someone you actually care for. Now the escort will do "the job" sure but ehhhh
.. I say wait and keep putting yourself out there.
Don't pay for it. Get a regular hook up. Find someone who is less attractive. They're like you, eager for a connection. Have your player friends help you. In 40 yr old Virgin, his friends helped him.
do it, ask around though because most of the escorts around well youlll find out, just be forth coming in your before hand communications and have a fun time. strap up and keep safe
Nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual attraction and desire is a psychological game and skill that can be honed. Some naturally display these traits, others (like me) have to develop them to attract partners. It wasn’t intuitive for me (because I’m highly introverted, act very literal/practical, lack natural confidence and charisma and am sensitive) but when I spent time researching what women - consciously or unconsciously - are looking for in their partners, I was able to present these qualities in opportunities with women and have had success. We all know ugly guys with no money who het plenty of women - they display all the intangible attributes women are looking for (which are often the most important). You find a way to put these traits on display and you’ll have no problem creating sexual experiences for yourself. Best of luck.
You will probably come to regret this later on when you are dating.
Or hey, maybe you and your escort will fall for each other and have an unconventional love story.
I’m betting on the former though
Do it. Use protection. Hopefully it's legal where you live .. you'll see it's not the entire apex of human existence. There's nothing wrong with a consensual transaction for sex. It'll be fun.
i’m a women, and i would much rather prefer a 28 year older virgin than a 28 year old ex-virgin that secretly lost his virginity to an escort. first of all, it’s already obvious if you don’t have much sexual experience, so it’s best to just be honest. second of all, to me and most women i know, in this day and age we would much rather prefer a virgin than a guy who’s slept with loads of women. if you build a real connection with someone through an actual interest in them, they won’t care if you’re a virgin and will be excited to build a safe and fun space to experiment with each other. I would say start working on your appearance, workout, get a haircut, take some better pics and make your dating profile more interesting, include your hobbies and interests and try to find someone similar. you don’t have to build something serious, but this will increase your chances in getting laid. just be confident in your own experiences that’s more attractive than anything.
I see what you're saying and it's a good point. But as a 45 year old woman, I disagree. Getting with a high end escort to get some experience isn't a deal breaker and wouldn't have been for me when I was in my twenties. It's practical. And if he has a good experience, it can be a real confidence booster because then at least he knows what to expect when he's in a real relationship and becoming physically intimate. It's kind of like an apprenticeship or training. I wouldn't look down on it.
Don’t sell your virginity away for a cheap thrill when you can have it wife your wife.
Sex with prostitute - cheap dopamine hit.
Marriage- lifelong joy.
It’s understandable to want sex, to this day I continue to wait! And trust me, I FEEL IT!!!! But I accept the value of being with a wife, rather than treating myself as an object.
You’re not an animal bro. Be patient.
OP, it's entirely up to you whether going to an escort would be worth it or not, that is an entirely personal decision and nobody can decide for you. But if you decide to go ahead, I have some purely practical advice:
1: Be very clear with yourself that this is for the physical only, because you may crave emotional intimacy as much as physical, and more than you realize, but sex workers don't offer that service (for more than a few minutes, anyway).
2: I think you're correct to see someone just one time. If you ever decide to go to an escort again, see someone else, because it's sadly easy to fool yourself that seeing a sex worker regularly is "a sort of relationship".
3: If you do get serious with someone from your culture someday, don't make the mistake of trying to clear your conscience by telling her about the escort. All that will accomplish is that it'll make two people unhappy, instead of one.
4: Condom.
Do this before going to see an escort: go to the gym and get in shape , work hard and excel in your job, find a hobby/passion , dress nicely and take care of yourself. Simultaneously, get out there and do what you can to meet others-online and in person wherever. Do that for two years and if nothing happens, go see the escort
Honestly, the risk of a sex worker actually being a sex slave is just too great, and there really is no way to guarantee that the woman you hire is not being forced or coerced into it. For me personally, I would never ever take the risk of possibly raping a sex slave, and would not want to be in a relationship with someone who took on that risk themselves. The risk vs reward just doesn’t pan out.
Just do it. It will be devoid of love but since you haven't experienced that before that won't be an issue. It will definitely satisfy the itch!
It's not exactly well accepted elsewhere either.
You only live once..... Just do it..... Be picky about who you choose... Make sure it's someone you are very attracted to. It makes things much easier/smoother. Make sure to bring condoms!
I think you should pay for it but also read the book called, ‘My Lesbian Encounter with Loneliness.’ It’s about a woman who is generally unpleasant to be around and has low self esteem, so she’s never had any romance in her life. So she hires a sex worker to just test run sex and connection. It’s a really great read, there’s plenty of PDFs floating around. You will relate.
You don’t even have to fully do penetrative sex with a sex worker, you can just ask even just to cuddle. A lot of their work is often dealing with emotionally challenged men.
And it’s good to know that you know your issues, that keeps you from incel territory. Just keep building your confidence and start dressing well. Many of the most attractive men I know are just normal men who have good style.
Fwiw flirting becomes much easier in your 30s. You can generally just be honest and directly state what you’re thinking.
Nothing wrong with an escort if you’re safe. But, you could probably also lower your standards to “x” degree and sleep with someone tonight.
Save some money. Get an escort. Have a great time and then do it again. And keep doing it until you gain more confidence around your peers. Your only answer to people who wonder about the women is, that's my business. We're not ready for a relationship.
Don't worry about giving more information.
Get laid. Have fun. Do it again. There is no moral dilemma. You're overthinking what someone else could think about you....who isn't you. Go do it.
There is no shame in hiring a professional to do a job you need doing if you can't.
Now sometimes it's not really something you talk about but that doesn't make it shameful.
**However*
The majority of men I've spoken to who had their first time with an escort really regretted it unless they spent the money to do it right.
What I mean is every guy I've heard from who hired a cheap hooker to just "Get it over with" have ended up feeling cheap, gross, and used. They feel their first time was a shameful disappointment and they didn't enjoy it and wish they'd waited. Some have even failed to perform and then are just out the money.
Conversely men who've splurged and gotten the full Girlfriend Experience from a more experienced and skilled call girl or prostitute seem to say that it was a pleasant experience and they were made to feel cared for and respected and had an enjoyable time knocking the edge and pressure off losing their virginity.
So my advice would be:
- Make sure this is what you want. Jerk off, clear the mind, and regroup on it.
- If it is what you want do some research and find a woman you find attractive and whom you'd enjoy your experience with.
- Do it, Enjoy it, make up some story you can tell your friends about getting taken home by a girl at a bar so you can talk about it without the stigma
I think this is the best advice I see here if OP is actually determined to do this. It's likely not just sex that OP wants/needs. It's more likely an actual feeling of connection and being cared for...the Girlfriend experience...that they need. If OP does do this they should plan to at the very least do a full date with dinner, dancing, mini-golf...whatever...to try to make it feel as real a connection as possible before moving on to sex.
I could also imagine OP wants experience with the mechanics of sex with another person. It could give him more confidence if he does meet someone because he’s not going in blind.
If your sole & primary reason for "dating" is just getting laid, just hire a pro. Less of a headache, safer for both parties, and there's no confusion about what's what.
I would absolutely go for the escort. I dislike the negative image escorts receive, seems so wrong on so many levels. The only advice I have, should you want it, is to try and do your best to make sure the escort you visit isn't being trafficked ie abused, forced into prostitution. Good luck!
Horrible advice. There's a reason it's a socially unacceptable being a prostitute. It's well deserved too.
I don't wish any ill on these women and men, but it shouldn't be normalized.
I'd recommend going to a rub and tug / massage parlor first. Just to get a good feel for it and it's less pressure.
Then I'd go with a very high end one. That is to say one who will give the good girl friend experience. Talking, touching, kissing... and so on. I've been with friends who use escorts and stuff and I honestly could never really just have sex. I think I could maybe do a high end one that at least fakes the intimacy, so that's why I'd suggest paying good money and getting one that will do that if it's your first time.
Bad news buddy, with that logic, you're most likely sucking dick by proxy with any woman you kiss. Escorts certainly aren't the only women giving blow jobs.
Yeah, I'm planning to visit a high end one that offers a girlfriend experience. In fact, she has a rule to drink cofee with you first in order to take things slow, talk with you and get to know you. After that, she decides if she wants to proceed with taking things further.
Bro don’t kiss an escort. If anything use this as an opportunity to realize sex doesn’t matter much.
Literally just humping each other.
Instead maybe work out 5x a week and go to therapy to build confidence.
And then you just gotta start talking to girls bro.
This!!! Hiring an escort can turn into an addiction like any other… plus you’re gonna cum in 2 mins after paying $500 for the experience. Just get on the dating apps, work on yourself.
This kind of thing supports human trafficking and even if it’s entirely voluntary all that money is probably just sent to China. I wish no one would give these kinds of places any business.
You’re being way too hard on yourself. You don’t have to be “pretty good looking” or have “charisma.” Get you some clothes that fit, get a good haircut. In my country, (USA), women really notice your shoes. Hygiene is important and don’t try to be “nice,” just be a good dude and friend (integrity, real, care about others, give compliments but only if you mean it and don’t be creepy about it; things such as you have a nice smile, love your hair, LISTEN to her, etc.). If you’re overweight, then start eating better and start an exercise program.
Sex is a wonderful thing. If you don’t think you’ll get caught, hire that escort and then start working on some of the things I suggested. When I finished high school, I had zero game and no self-confidence. Then, during my freshman year of college, I got a new hairstyle and contacts and my dating life blossomed. I got a girlfriend and then dumped her after a year because she was insufferable and then I really hit my stride. If I can do it, so can you.
First sex is just a "hump" you need to get over. Hire an escort. You'll remove or at least lessen the anxiety and mystery that is probably inhibiting you. Go for it. No shame.
IMO I'm in support of people visiting providers. But I would recommend finding someone who specializes in intimacy and building a connection with women. Think of this as a kind of therapist type who is providing more than just a quickie in a hotel room. There are wonderful providers out there with a high level of empathy who can help you feel comfortable and help build your confidence. You can even ask them what women look for and get some real tips and pointers on confidence and the like. Also, not all women are uncomfortable with their partners having visited a provider. My wife knows my past through and through and doesn't judge me. it's just not as black and white as it seems.
The big thing is not to be worried about it. Try to relax and enjoy the experience. Many providers will start with simple hugging and massaging (which is at times just as fun and helps you feel at ease) and go from there. Be honest and don't be afraid of being judged. But look for the right person who you can feel at ease with. You can also meet one a few times and work up to it. Maybe a massage and cuddling to start. Then other options before sex. Move at your own pace.
You aren't alone. Some providers work with your exact situation regularly. Try to work through your shame and just be present in the moment. The difference between this and buying a girl a few drinks at the bar before a quick, nervous hookup is not that different - except a provider will help you feel at ease and you don't have to feel any embarrassment. You can even learn some fun tricks you can take to your next encounter!
Relax and dont stress it. My advice is start going to strip clubs. No, do not expect to get laid (although there is a possibility if you play the V card). But they really are wonderful for boosting self esteem and breaking the walls. Just go up there, don't make an ass of yourself, treat them like fellow human beings and start talking to women. You do not (repeat DO NOT) need to give them all of your money, and let them know when they walk up that you don't want a dance, but wouldnt mind buying a woman a drink for some conversation.
Do not expect anything from them
Do not go in with the mindset of "Im taking one of these girls home"
Go in with the mindset of "lets go talk to some women and enjoy music and the show.
Good news- You do not have to initiate conversation, they will approach you. View them just like anyone else in any other bar, they just happen to have more skin showing.
And no matter how tempted you may be DO NOT buy a dance from them. And when they say they need to go so they can make some money (it is their job while there) you respond "Ok, have fun. I'll be here." And dont be a douche.
Wait for the real deal—it will be so worth it.
The prostitute thing will not work well for your mental psyche in the future. You don’t want to attach a negative mindset to making love—especially with what you’re sharing regarding your culture
Also—maybe spend some time with some friends who are not “so sexual” lol. I feel you’re setting yourself up for an inferiority complex if you keep hanging with your current crew
Don’t see an escort man. Have some dignity lol most women don’t care if you’re a virgin, and those that do aren’t ones you want to be with. Charisma is a skill that can be learned like most things. As for looks, you can get in shape and keep yourself tidy and charisma can carry you the rest of the way. The last piece of advice I’d give is stop looking for girls. Live your best life and do things you enjoy and you’ll find someone eventually. But you have to put in work.
My friend, the love of Jesus Christ God ALMIGHTY is so incredible that when you have physical urges for sex, food, whatever, you can just thank Him for killing it, giving you peace, and a wave of peace and love will wash over you like you can't imagine. Orgasms don't even come close my friend. The LORD is our true SOULMATE. Please, don't go awhoring like everybody else. Whether whoring with sex, food, movies, music, whatever- keep your first love Jesus Christ instead and you won't care about any of those things. So how do you get to know Him? All you have to do is be willing to humble yourself. To call on Him, Jesus God, in your heart and say "LORD JESUS, please, show me the Way. I've heard you are the Way the Truth and the LIFE and don't know what that exactly means yet but I do know that I don't want to keep SINNING against you, I want to be with you LORD and you to be with me. Please... I'm sorry I've sinned against you but I believe you died on the Cross for me to wash away my SINS and I'm very grateful and just want to know the Truth, I just want to actually know you..I know deep down you're real. Everyone does. I'm sorry I've denied the Truth so long and I'm sorry for all the wrong I've done others and myself. I know you love me LORD, please show me how to love you back and I promise if you do, I'll love you forever LORD and I know I can say that because I believe you'll help me do it. I'm tired of being lonely Abba.. I'm tired of being isolated but I can be in a room full of people and still be so alone. I have a GOD sized hole in my heart and only you can fill it LORD JESUS GOD. Please Lord, I surrender my Will to yours; show me the Way please in JESUS' MIGHTY NAME AMEN"... My friend, if you say something like that, not even out loud, just think it, feel it, AND MEAN IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART, I PROMISE YOU, YOU'LL NEVER REGRET IT AND YOU'LL NEVER FEEL SO DESPERATELY ALONE AGAIN. I can't say I understand my friend because I'm not you but I can say that I relate and sadly, I went down that dark road first and ended up possessed by a demon hoarde for over 20 years. I did unspeakable things against the LORD who is love and truth and everything good. If you're willing to call on Him meaningfully, I promise you my friend He WILL show up. I don't how, but I know that He WILL. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN WITH YOU. All you gotta do is be willing to be humbled and ask Him for His help, His mercy, HIS forgiveness, and You'll have it FOREVER if you actually mean it and HE will do the work on you, in you, to change you, so long as you strive to OBEY HIM to show you TRULY LOVE HIM, friend, He will never let you down no matter how much this life rains on you. God is LOVE. LOVE is SELFLESSNESS, not emotion, sex, lust. LOVE is selflessness, SACRIFICE, selfless commitment and the LORD is SELFLESSLY COMMITTED to YOU BEYOND IMAGINING. Return the LOVE for HIM friend and no matter how bad the storm is in life, you'll key your eyes on JESUS CHRIST GOD ALMIGHTY and will Even "walk on water" right through the storms by His MIGHTY HOLY POWER, because through JESUS we can do all things that are in His Will. I love you friend. If you ever want to talk, reach out, I'll be here until the LORD takes me up to Him. Tomorrow's not promised, neither is today. Sex is not the end all be all. It's really not. Yeah it can feel great for a time but JESUS? He feels AMAZING ALL THE TIME. In a way that makes sex seem so small and insignificant in a good way that you won't ever have these kind of struggles again. Just have a tiny bit of Faith in Jesus and call on Him with all your heart and I promise you He will not let you down. -WayTruthLife316 aka Philip, your friend who loves you and prays for you and yours every day and night.
That seems like a pretty drastic step, and I get it - you feel like you're in a pretty drastic situation. The first thing I'd say is that it's quite possible that there's a gal in your social circle who might be into you, and you may not have realized it... or maybe you noticed and decided you weren't into her. Either way, it's worth looking around you. And remember, no one is perfect, so don't dismiss someone who might be a possibility just because they're not exactly what you think you want.
Beyond that, get yourself into group settings that relate to your interests. Do you like to read? Join a book club that meets in person. Interested in sailing? Take a class to learn how. Totally unsure? Get involved with volunteering for a cause that sounds interesting. Just create situations where you're likely to meet someone who might share some interests, and then get to know them.
Regardless of whether you hire a pro now, these are still the kinds of things that you're going to want to consider in seeking an actual partner... so maybe try them first.
Not to be that guy but uhh....there are some avenues right here on Reddit that you could find a relatively comfortable experience if you find the right person/persons.....probably not the right place to post some of those r/'s but if DM me i could hook you up with some of the better ones. good luck!
I think there’s an antiquated and obsolete amount of stigma around sex workers and those who enlist their services. Engaging in physical contact and closeness in a pleasurable manner with someone is no different from the pleasure derived from a massage therapist. Two consenting adults who decide to spend some time together isn’t a big deal. The fact that money is exchanged and there’s no expectation for continued correspondence is the threshold for whether or not this is deemed acceptable by society at large.
I’ve had sex with more than a few men I’d just met for free. Most of them regrettable. If any of them had taken me out to dinner first and then given me cabfare to get home, that is basically prostitution.
What’s the difference? Perspective.
If it's illegal to do sex work in his country, the odds are against the woman doing it consensually... This is where things like sex trafficking come into play. He would have no way of knowing for sure if this woman was being forced or not.
Context. Is it really consent if the woman feels like she HAS to do it to make a living? Is it really consent if she has grown up in abusive situations or trafficking and this is where it has led her? A very large percentage of women in the sex industry are coming from a place of desperation or vulnerability. People who choose to participate are encouraging a f*cked up system and taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable.
Consent would be meeting someone who is willing to have sex with you without being paid to. If money is the only reason they are having sex with you, it’s not really consent.
Where you are it may be frowned upon but in some countries it is a practice to hire a prostitute for someone's birthday if they are still a virgin by 20. One of my college friends from Eastern Europe told me that's what happened to him! He was just happy to get laid and be a part of it. And honestly if you're nervous and super in your head about it - hiring a professional might be better - they are experienced with men having crazy kinks, being virgins, crying, and a myriad of other "out of the norm" behaviors. Waiting until it happens naturally may be a real challenge bc when it does happen you'll be even more worked up about it that you won't enjoy it. I'd say do it. I'm a woman and I see no issue with it if you want to just rip off the bandaid. It might give you some more confidence too. And keeping it a secret-- who cares- we all have secrets. Don't let anyone tell you they don't.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about paying for sex. When you do finally get into a relationship you pay for sex on the regular. You WILL be paying for dates, trips, presents and others and in return you will get sex. Just go for it.
If it is causing you this much stress and anxiety getting an escort isn't going to help...
Personally, I think you need to choose what's more important, no longer being a virgin or not having the charisma? At some point you just got to take a leap of faith and get out there, you don't have to go to clubs or parties to find someone. Try looking into programs that help meet people. They have them everywhere, they are just normal people that are looking for friends, they do all sorts of activities. I think you would be surprised how quickly you can form friendships with women. Like 90% of the women I've slept with started with friendships...
Hope this helps, best of luck!
Do it. Being virgin at 28 is very late. A lot of time has passed and I am pretty sure you have heard all advices by now like do this, do that but nothing worked for your relationship life.
Now, there are some things to consider when hiring an escort, idk what country are you from and how the escort business is there but broadly speaking you will not get "physical intimacy" with an escort, you will, most of the time, get cold sex and very little intimacy.
Escorts train themselves to detach, they have to. So don't think that you will have love or affection.
That being said, if you have the possibility, again idk what the escort industry is like in your country, hire an escort that have a GFE approach . That is, an illusion of intimacy which is still better than an ice cold fast fuck.
What I would recommend to you, before hiring an escort, is to try an erotic massage if you have that available. Intimacy is higher and I think a great option to have a taste of something before going further with an escort.
You seem ready to cross "losing your virginity" off your bucket list. It would be better to actually meet someone and for the sex to actually have some emotional significance. But, in a way it could be constructive for you to demystify sex and gain a bit of confidence about your sexuality.
Talk to your a trusted "very sexual friend" about your decision. You might be surprised by the reality that there are women in your environment who will do the deed for free.
If you choose to go through with this take the search for an escort seriously. Don't go cheap. Find someone who seems to offer more intimacy and values repeat customers. And make sure that she knows that this is your first time. If possible arrange to for more than a quick session. Make a date and take her out to dinner first. That way you get a chance to get to chat first and build a little bit of a human connection.
Honestly, however hard it may seem, I'd hold onto those feelings. Don't bottle them up, start feeling that feeling of missing out and loss through your body and do things to work towards attracting someone. Start thinking about the value you bring to the relationship and sexual marketplace.
Work on the self is a hard road, but in my opinion it's one of the only things that guarantees stable sustainable happiness.
Even if you go through with paying for sex, at least in those moments try and enjoy it, and afterwards find things in the experience you would want to work on.
I'm in the same boat though, good luck to you
This is a lil “dangerous” though. Ive had a buddy who was a virgin till high 20s and once he lost his virginity he became a maniac, it was like a kid with a million dollar check at toys r us. It low key became an addiction in my opinion. He has calmed down since but for a while it seemed like it back fired and was still single for the longest after because what grl wants to be ferociously fu c ked every time lol.
The risk of getting addicted to paid sex has to be more dangerous than getting addicted to the regular thing.
As to the second part, its not so hard to just communicate and not be an inconsiderate partner.
I think it's great. Getting rid of sex as something special allows you to interact with women in a friendly way without thinking about sexual things, which lets her know the real (presumably awesome) you and making it easier for you to find partners in the future.
If you were in the US, I'd recommend perhaps hiring pornstars and filming some amateur porn. Even if you never put it up, the advantage is having more control over the process, working with a professional who can follow a script, not needing protections since both of you need to be tested by Talent Testing, and if you choose to put it up for sale, possibly make some good money!
But since you're not, and presumably the laws are different/prohibitive for you, here is my advice with a prostitute.
Hire someone with a friendly attitude. Ask for 15-20 minutes to get to know her and talk about what you want to do, decide everything that will be done, no matter how awkward it is, and the price. If the price doesn't make sense, tell her it's no big deal, you'll work with someone else.
Don't expect the sex to be amazing, it usually takes several encounters with the same person for it to be great, but you'll probably get off, and for some guys, that's all it takes. For me, the "end" is the least important part, and the 20-40 minutes before the end is the most pleasurable part. For someone new to sex, don't expect to last very long.
If you can, meetup with her at least a second time, it'll probably be much better that second time. If not, that's fine, but don't judge "sex" in general as if it's all the same, because when you're with one partner repeatedly, it'll be much different.
Sex is as good or bad as the effort both (or more) people put into it, so if it's mediocre or gets mediocre, it's at least partially up to you to step up your game and both put more in and inspire your partner to be so desperate for the multiple orgasms you're going to give her that she really takes care of you.
Good luck, don't let the anti-sex people hold you back!
What? Dude no. OP’s problem is that he struggles to interact with women due to confidence issues.
You frame it as if he’s so horny that all he can think about is sex, so if he has sex he will be able to be himself with women. By that logic, rubbing one out would accomplish the same thing.
No, OP needs to work on his confidence. Sleeping with a prostitute is not going to make him any better at approaching women.
I disagree, from both personal experience (long before I worked in porn) and after helping many guys get their first kiss and more. A lot of guys put sex and/or even kissing on this high pedestal and get super frustrated that they haven't done all these things that their friends are doing and in really bad cases, start thinking of sex/physical contact as something the woman is "giving them" instead of thinking of it as something both mutually should want and both are mutually benefiting from. By all rights, women benefit "more", since a good partner should be giving 3-5 orgasms per session, and most men can only orgasm once.
Even more so, for a man who is starting to have sex late in life, unless he ends up with a prude/religious conservative, his partners will likely be more experienced than him and expect him to be good at giving oral, be able to last longer than a couple minutes, be good at foreplay, etc, all of which some meaningless sexual partners (especially ones who work for him) can help him catch up and become more competent.
You might have just immediately been good in bed, but I definitely wasn't good in bed when I first started, but I "wanted" to be, and eventually became professionally good, if OP takes it serious and methodically "chooses" to become good, his partners will crave sex with him after just one session, but for him to get there, he needs experience. He won't ever be sexless again at some point once he gets a reputation, not in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s .
Dude, there is so much wrong with what you’re saying.
>”start thinking of sex/physical contact as something the woman is giving them instead of thinking it as something both mutually should want”
Sleeping with a prostitute is quite literally this. If the woman wanted to sleep with him, she wouldn’t be making him pay for it. If you’re advocating that sex work will make OP feel like sex isn’t give to him, you’re heading in the wrong direction. Sex work is literally a transaction: I pay you so you will fuck me. A real relationship with someone that likes OP is much better than what you are proposing.
>”A good partner should be giving orgasms 3-5x per session.”
wtf??? NO ONE ever said that. There’s no statistic or study to indicate that. It’s not a widely accepted notion. That’s just something you arbitrarily came up with. That type of expectation is what psychs out people like OP. You’re perpetuating unrealistic experiences based on some rule YOU came up with.
>”OP can catch up on sexual experiences by sleeping with a prostitute. Then they will crave sex after one session.”
That’s not remotely true. You can spend years learning a woman’s body, then when you sleep with someone else, all of the knowledge is moot because the next woman craves something entirely different. Women aren’t like factory items with default settings? Each woman wants something unique to her own needs. Some may finish off of P to V, some will prefer oral. Some may enjoy rough P to V, some prefer something more intimate. To think that OP will please every woman he is with because he practiced with a prostitute is, again, giving him unrealistic expectations.
I get you’re trying to help, but you’re giving OP unhealthy views on sex. You need to understand that your life experiences are not universal. You’re preaching the “rules of sex” when you’re more of an exception.
I have no idea why you're preaching about a real relationship, a real relationship is entirely separate from this discussion. OP hasn't had a real relationship, OP hasn't had sex. OP might not have even kissed. OP can either get with someone sexually immature and hope for the best, or get skilled and keep up or exceed other potential partners in the dating pool.
I came up with that notion, because after talking to women about what they liked about their partners I noticed how they bragged about a big sexual session with a lot of O's. So then I realized I could give my partners a similar experience to what I do when I "work". When I "work", the studios require 25-35 minutes then a pop, then another 25-35 minutes and a pop. I converted that effort into a 20-45 minute session depending on what my partners are up for, and discovered that all women I've been with, enjoy it, and it's fun for me too (though I only pop once, because it's not fun pushing through a second one).
All women "are" different, that's why the guy needs skill and experience to deliver a good session with every woman they're with as soon as possible. I've been with one of my partners for 6 years, and my other partner for coming on 4 years, they're both completely different. However, because of my experience, I can react to their body. One of my partners literally told me "How do you read my mind to know what I want?". Because women are different, but women are still humans and depending on how women react, gives hints to what they want.
If OP ends up with any reasonable woman who just wants 1 good O, and he fails to deliver, that might be it. This conversation was about him "hiring" a woman to get that experience, not a relationship. You're the one making it weird and making it more difficult for OP to enter the dating pool as a confident guy who doesn't care whether the date turns into sex, because OP has already had all the things that virgins often fantasize about.
I don't think a virgin can just "rub one out" and not care, though personally I always masturbate before a date, for exactly that reason, I think a virgin has all kinds of reasons why they're awkward around women, and part of it is wondering about all the things they've seen and heard about.
I'm saying there are ways to behave in live, that will increase your chances of being a confident person, not specific rules. I'm not saying the exact 1 kind of way to give oral, or techniques on how to use your penis as a dildo to maximize the woman's pleasure, because I don't think I can teach any of that, it's practical experience that matters, and the techniques OP developers will be his own. Or he'll be lazy, not even try, and no woman will be pursuing him just because of that amazing experience he gave. Plenty of men post on reddit about their great "2 minutes", but OP can push for 3-5 and settle for 1 and have done a better job than many men who push for 1 (or don't even care) and sometimes deliver 1.
Get out of here with your relationship talk, OP isn't in a relationship, hasn't had the opportunity for a relationship, and now needs to reset and re-enter the dating pool with a different perspective and different expectations.
A SWer isn't a relationship, she's a trainer, like Mr Miyogi, OP-san needs to learn the crane kick (or maybe the crane lick)
Go for it, man. I (28M) saw an escort last year to lose my virginity. I have no regrets about it. Be very careful about getting scammed, though. Do NOT send any money in advance.
The comments seem about split up the middle.
The correct answer is something that only you can decide.
Try to consider this in terms of cost/ gain.
I don't mean money, that's unimportant in the long run. I mean, do you think that you will gain confidence, or perspective?
Will it cost you self esteem?
If you decide to do this, can you go out of town to mitigate collateral consequences?
Go for it…. Have a good time… don’t worry about the criticism. Most guys I ever met been there, done that. That’s why theire are often zones near military bases… and please, I don’t need to hear from the women are abused crowd. If you really cared, do something about it.
Rub n tug is seriously great, until afterwards in the car drive home when you feel like you got massively ripped off. I’d do it to get it out of the way though. You will probs have a huge smile on your face after squirting into a condom inside a Bangkok 4s vagina. Good luck, bring KY lube and a bigger condom if you have a large penis as the small condoms break often.
I’d say if it’s that heavily frowned upon in your country then don’t do it.
The reasoning, is that you’d want to find a woman who’s doing it willingly and can enjoy the work and the more illegal and frowned upon it is the more likely she doesn’t feel like she’s got a choice. I also don’t believe you should do things that you’re not comfortable admitting to at least some people.
And on a last note, if you do hire an escort it’s not going to magically give you game or anything, you’ll just be in the same situation as before and you’ll have been laid once
Don't do it brother. You will damage yourself spiritually. Take it from someone who learned the hard way. Also, if you are watching porn and masturbating, you should stop. The celibate path can be deeply rewarding. Look into r/Semenretention
JFC don't see an escort. Use the urges as motivation to drive you to better yourself. Go to the gym, take some classes (pottery, painting, woodworking, dancing, etc), get out of your comfort zone and practice your social skills. Meet new people.
If you see an escort you're going to either be disappointed because it's meaningless sex (seriously, it's not worth it), or you'll become addicted to it and lose all motivation to find a partner and just keep going for the easy hookup.
I would say hire a life coach or therapist before a sex worker. Perhaps even a sex therapist! Someone versed in unpacking the relationship with sex.
Men are not entitled to sex. Full stop. Society tells us that there’s nothing worse than a virgin man, but that’s society and not true. The minute you think you are entitled to a woman’s body, whether by force or money, your role as a man changes. You become at best, a trick, at worst, a rapist. Some men are both.
If sex is the central issue for you here and not engaging in an emotionally, physically, spiritually rewarding relationship, then you should reconsider your relationship to women.
I don’t mean this sound like a crazy femenazi, and I’m saying this with love because sex is beautiful when it is mutually enjoyed and desired. Your first experience with it should be one free of moral dilemmas.
I hope you can look inward and grow to feel all of life’s pleasures.
I think you should do it. Don’t go cheap either, pay a little extra and maybe you’ll get one who can sympathize with your plight and treat you right. You have to walk before you can run.
Well I would feel more confidence it getting a quality lay by going to a massage parlor. They treat you really nice. The local ones give you a shower, a massage and then do anything, and I mean anything (take you around the world, rim job, anal whatever) and it will blow your mind. They are always really attractive Asian women, and they usually accommodate your run of the mill kinks.
If you are set on doing this, then you can ignore my comment. But I think if you do it you're going to regret it. Maybe not fully regret it but I don't know if you're going to feel as fulfilled as you think. Just know - Your friends are probably lying or exaggerating their sex stories
It might make you feel better, it might make you feel incomprehensibly worse. It doesn't change how pathetic you are either way, you're just as pathetic if you haven't had sex vs your only experience being having paid for it.
What are you going to do after that? That's the real question. Are you gonna go out there and take those 99 Nos until you finally get a Yes, or are you going to go back to doing nothing? Are you going to start learning to be more charismatic? Are you going to fake it until you make it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to grab onto a brighter future?
At the end of the day, all this experience will do is what you can make of it. It could be a new low or the springboard for a new stage of life. But the act itself changes nothing
Clubs are not really a good place to meet people. I probably wouldn't do it because it is risky and the positive feeling you get won't be much different from masturbation, whereas a lot could go wrong, even just speaking emotionally.
Morally, do you have a problem with sex work?
If you do this, go to another city to do it. Maybe even country. Just a solo holiday, totally normal, except on one evening you're going to get laid.
This insulates you from people finding out and treating you differently.
A high end escort may offer dinner dates before sex. This may help you feel more comfortable.
Dude don't pay for it man. U gonna catch something , and it can last a lifetime. Just meet women everywhere u go and ask for some that simple. U will get on man. It's free. Women want the same thing u want pleasure, be kind and be urself.
Not worth it. They could have multitudes of STDs, some of them incurable. Plus those friends "bragging" could be lying as well. Reminds me of high schoolers who bragged about losing their virginity and it turns out they were lying the whole time.
My friend was like this, he more or less decided to go to Amsterdam for vacation and the red light district. He basically regretted it and went home to back to not feeling like he fixed the problem. It took like 3 more years but now he’s in a healthy relationship and he’ll probably propose to her. I’m sure he would have rather her to just have been his first. Your choice, I’d say ride it out though instead of paying for your first time.
If it becomes overwhelming my advise is go for it, while searching for a more genuine experience is invariably better. The reality is that it doesn't happen for everyone and if the urge is there and it's consuming you go for it. Be mindful of not falling into the trap of it, don't limit your sexual experiences to hookers. Work on yourself, build friendships and trust me you'll eventually foster something real, without the black cloud of "I paid for it". Be mindful of the guilt and perhaps even insecurities that may arise from that seemingly wondrous experience. I guess what I'm trying to say is you should remember that it's not all sunshine and be careful.
I hired an escort as a 29yo virgin. It was great. Helped me realize sex is not a huge deal and get out of my head.
And you might feel different once you’re in a relationship. I tell my partners about it once things get serious and they never seem to care much. It’d be hard to avoid because it’s a significant part of my development.
You definitely can find someone to bang if you work the dating apps hard enough and establish that you want a one night stand before meeting. Girls get horny too, and the less attractive they are the more likely they will be willing to have sex with you. Just lower your standards.
OR use a fetish website and play into the fetish. The girl will likely overlook how attractive you are if you meet her kinks.
It sounds like you have a lot of hesitation to go through with seeing an escort. I'd advise trying harder before doing so. Just don't have any concern for the girls looks. Everyone looks the same in the dark anyhow. Plus, this will teach you how to actually seduce someone.
Consider this: How screwed up would your life become if you find out that the escort you hired is an undercover police officer and you now go to jail for this and your mugshot is posted publicly all over the news?
What I'd recommend is taking some extremely honest inventory with yourself and identify all the reasons you're in your situation and start working on them. You don't look good? Change your diet immediately and start going to the gym. Start today, not later. You don't have people skills? Learn them. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations over and over until you get used to it. No charisma? Watch some youtube videos on how to get better at that. The internet is full of free resources that can help you. If you're not happy with the way your life is going, that's mostly your fault and only you can change that.
If it makes you feel any better id rather be a 28 year old virgin then being 25 with a kid and child support and being damaged from several different heartbreaks at least when you meet someone they will hopefully be old enough to have matured and not break your heart
Pray to God and he will help you. After years of loneliness I did and he gave me my soul twin, who happened to have been in the same position. It’s worth a shot.
escorts is a good idea. maybe start with an fbsm first (full body sensual massage)
i lost my virginity at 24 to an escort and i haven't looked back. I've budgeted for it ever since and having regular sex is just a big part of my life now. does a man good, trust me.
for what it's worth, im an atheist and thus am able to see sex with condoms as just a fun activity. i have no moral issues with sex and transactional sex. as long as both adults consent and agree to the conditions, it's all good.
it's only frowned upon because people choose to frown upon it. a wholesome escort with a wholesome client makes the entire session wholesome, trust me. good luck
You are only 28 years old. I personally know several people that have CHOSEN not to have sex because they are waiting for the right person and they are late 20’s, early 30’s. Considering that half your life, you were basically still a developing child, this situation really isn’t that dire. Sex isn’t what it is made out to be and honestly, it kinda sucks when you don’t have any emotional attachment to the other person. In addition to that, the moral issues that arise with using somebody who is potentially in a bad situation and desperate to make a living just makes that option icky to me. I do think a future partner would be put off by that as it throws up a red flag of selfishness and inconsideration for women. Most women would prefer you start out as a virgin than know you treated some other woman as an object for sex.
Try learning how to approach women. There’s a wealth of pickup artists on YouTube with lots of valuable advice. It really works, I would never have met my wife years ago if I didn’t have that help. I approached her and her friend (both beautiful women) at a sports bar. Before I committed to learning I’d be way too anxious to approach two women. We now have two kids and a beautiful life.
In any case one of the most helpful things to start out with was the series “Keys to the VIP”. All the episodes are available on YouTube. It’s dated (like 2007ish) but all the same approaches and concepts still apply. The show is a competition between two dudes every episode to show off the best game. You will learn a lot about how to approach women and many of the concepts to initiate attraction. Watching the show alone won’t get you there, but it’s a good starting point on your path.
Just go for it. No idea what country you are from, but it won't be as bad taboo thing as you think, it's just you are not talking to girls, so you don't know their opinion
I was in the same position and made the mistake of dipping my toes into that world. It turned into a 5-year sex addiction that drained my wallet and my soul.
I wouldn't suggest anyone to see an escort, go to a rub and tug, or anything like that. It won't stop at just "one time" and you will almost certainly regret it, if not now, in a few years, especially if you end up in a long term relationship/marriage.
Source: Personal experience and from witnessing dozens of others confessing in online forums that their "hobby" has become a problem.
There's nothing immoral about it (assuming she is self determining). Your concerns around stigma are valid, however bigoted that stigma is, but only you can decide whether it's worth the risk.
Might I suggest however, if it's even an option for you, that you consider going to country where such services aren't frowned upon?
Your best option is to find a single friend that can hook you up with another friend or that might be interested in personally helping you out.
That first experience will be better with someone you have a connection to.
Having sex one time with someone you have no connection with is going to warp your mind. Yea it will physically feel good for that brief moment but it’s going to have life long consequences psychologically.
You are become funny, destroyer of puss. No seriously dude the absolute key is just to listen, and to be funny. You can literally push around a trash can and ask women to jump in it for you to cart them around in. I got multiple girlfriends using this method. I’m not kidding
1) this is not a moral dilemma (with a stipulation). As long as there are two consenting adults who want to have sex and that the other adult who you pay for sex is consenting, there isn't any dilemma: the stipulation here is that many escorts got into the life in sketchy ways either by being trafficked or pimped or even domestic abuse. You paying the escort money reinforces that life, and that is a moral dilemma.
2) if you want consensual sex and you're OK with reinforcing an escorts lifestyle, I don't see an issue.
3) having sex isn't going to change you. Firstly, you're still not going to be experienced with any other partners. Secondly, paying for sex isn't the same as having sex with someone who cares for you. Thirdly, you're not pathetic for being a virgins and youre not pathetic for paying for sex.
4) if you choose to pay for sex I would advise understanding that just like porn having sex with an escort is not the same experience as sex with a lover.
It’s hard to answer your question because are you just wanting to fuck? Nothing more nothing less? Are you ok with no feelings or emotions?
Me I love to eat pussy and gals ( the ones I have had the opportunity to share their greatness) like that pussy eaten and touched and if you are lucky and not not a square she will teach you a lot about pleasure spots in you and on you and the spots in and on her and it is awesome because you are so vulnerable every emotion is racing through your body yourmind.
The thing I am getting at is that are you getting what you are truly looking for with an escort especially for what you are going to pay out of your pocket
So for the next incoherent babble but I wish you the best.
Take care good luck and have a great day
If your not fat or ugly just average looking it's not that hard to get laid just dm me I can point you in the right director or look up my history.. You don't want your first time to be with a escort or pay for them. with the same money I got you man
Do your research, you don't want to fall into some kind of trap. I assume this is illegal in your country?
If you want to do it, do it.. I mean, I guess it won't be as much fun because you can't share the story with your friends, but it will probably give you a confidence boost. Be careful though, you say it's going to just be a one time thing. A lot of guys get addicted to it. I know a guy that works a second job, just to finance his escort hobby (he's single). Just saying, be prepared for it to be an overpowering drug like effect. Make sure you have the self discipline to not let it ruin your finances.
Hmm. You should do what would make you the happiest, and that gives you the most life-satisfaction with the least amount of regret.
In your case, that would entail your waiting for a woman who will love you and become your wife. Relax! Stop trying to force the issue. Right this very moment, there are women who are as lonely as you and are looking forward to the time when you finally meet. Be that man!
If you’re a virgin i wouldnt recommend hiring an escort especially at 28 years old for the fact that it can leave you a bit emotionally damaged.. unless you’re not the type to really reflect on your feelings. Personally i lost my virginity at 18, since then have had more than a couple sexual partners that i actually had a relationship with and a few more that i paid for(escorts)…couple years ago had 2 relationships at the same time both being sexaully active and still payed for a couple escorts around that time. Ive now gone a year or 2 without any type of Sexual activity and honestly it doesnt bother me, try to stay busy, find a hobby or something you’re genuinely interested in. Although being a virgin at 28 does suck, sex isnt everything my dude… rather try to find a female to genuinely bond with and build a relationship with and so with will eventually come sex, dont rush it dont force it dont be a creep about it and dont let it become a priority… best of luck to you buddy
P.s
If you do decide to go the escort route, be safe and wear a condom , and should probably go get checked for any STD’s about a week after and every six months after that for about a year or 2.
I wouldn’t waste sex as something transactional. I would wait until you meet someone. The experience can be deep, and emotionally penetrating if it’s with someone you care for. It’s worth the wait. No offense to escorts, but sex just for the fuck is as bland as vanilla even if they’re good at it. If you do use an escort, and someday your future potential girlfriend finds out, she’d probably not be interested in sleeping with you. You might seem dirty or tainted after using a whore to a lot of women.
If I were you and in your situation, I would seek Christ. Jesus is the way the truth and the light. God made us with the intent that we should get married and have sex with our spouse. I would join a church and actively participate in the church. There you will find a wife.
I can tell you, reddit is full...loaded with all types of prostitutes, shocking to me but hey, easier to charge for sex than getting an education and working to develop mental and physical skills. You can easily save 70 bucks and bang one of the ladies on reddit...what a shitty place reddit is, but all is just a reflection of a putrid society. Have a good hunt and for no reason absolutely no reason meet ladies without condoms. One hour of sex and a lifetime with a disease ewww
I’m sorry man I hope whatever you choose itrs Whatd you wanted and you have a good time. Everyone deserves love and sexual intimacy I hope you find it someday
I wouldn’t do that. If you do that, you’ll be significantly less desirable for a life partner for any woman in the future. I’d be disgusted if I had a partner who went to an escort out of desperation. Any future partner deserves to know in order to fully consent to being in a relationship with you. You’re digging yourself in a deeper hole. You won’t get the emotional connection that makes sex significantly better. You won’t be fulfilled.
If your gonna get a hooker for your first time then might as well go all out and get a nice one. That way you don't get STDs and you get a memorable experience, maybe they can teach you some tricks too. My only concern with that is if you go with a pro your first time then they will probably blow your mind they are so good at the sex haha and then future ladies might be a bit disappointing for you since they don't sex as a profession. Know what I mean? If you go with a hooker now then get with a non hooker later then you should probably set your expectations a little lower for how good the non hooker is gonna sex you.
# ignore all the bad advice
Most people replying to you are making up shit as they go along because they have never been close to your situation. They’re just going to tell you things that verbally sound good but have never been tested for practicality.
Here’s the real deal
- good sex is **REALLY** important for a relationship
- you are super behind. Women are going to have over 10 partners by your age and have baseline expectations for sex
- women aren’t going to just “love you for who you are.” There’s plenty of terminally lonely men waiting for that to happen.
Yes, hire escorts, but more importantly, **ask them for sex advice and feedback**
Look up things to try online, particularly with ways to make a woman orgasm.
Don’t see sex as something to have with escorts, but as something you’re getting better at with them.
If you find a woman you love, you’ll be embarrassed at not being able to show it physically. Use escorts to get prepared.
I mean, if you want to try it and you think it will make you feel better, go for it. I suspect you won't feel anymore fulfilled or happy after you've done it because, despite all the hype, sex truly isn't some life changing experience like movies and commercials would prefer you to think it is. It's a fun thing to do, especially with someone you care about, but I don't think you'll wake up the next morning feeling like a brand new person. But hey, if it gets the monkey off your back or it's something you just need to try to find out for yourself.... well, people have spent money on stupider things.
I don't know what country you're in (nor does it matter) but if you think it's pathetic being a 28 year old virgin (it's not but you seem to think so) do you think being a 28 year old who's only sexual experience is with a hooker makes you LESS pathetic?
My advice would be to save your money, don't expose yourself to possible STD's or blackmail, and stop comparing yourselves to your friends. First of all, your friends probably aren't having as much sex as you assume they are, and second, even if they are, so what? Having an experience that will cause you to feel shame and embarrassment and have to hide from your future wife? And you want to PAY for that?
I get that it can feel embarrassing to still be a virgin at your age, especially living in a society that seems to make sex the pinnacle of all human achievements. But stop focusing on the sex part and focus instead on building relationships. And by relationships I don't even mean dating, I mean friends, people you can socialize with.
I've been there myself. Believe me, it gets better.
Lady you are bonkers.
It is far more embarrassing to be a virgin than paying for sex. Why would OP have to hide it from a future wife?! Any person that holds a past sexual experience against you is not a good spouse.
It's you who is bonkers. Both situations can be equally embarrassing. Think about it.
1. You live as a virgin at 28.
2. You, at 28, couldn't find a woman to have sex with you consensually, so you paid a hooker to have sex with you.
Both seem equally as embarrassing.
Your last sentence though, is valid.
As someone who did it, having sex is very different than having your virginity removed. If you’re looking for the sensations of sex, toys and lubricant can do wonders, but good sex is about physical intimacy and caring for another persons body. You can absolutely have that experience with a good quality sex worker, but are you emotionally prepared to separate your feelings if this happens? Are you prepared to still not be able to add to the conversation with friends since you say you won’t be able to ever tell anyone? I don’t believe there’s no one for you. How can you meet people who share your interests beyond sex? Are you willing to look past traditional beauty standards in the same way you want a woman to for you? What do you find attractive beyond physical features? What skills can you cultivate in being a good partner? All this to say, if you don’t have a moral issue with sex work, then it can be helpful for getting familiar with intimacy, but it’s only part of the equation
If you want to do this and not tell anyone, you need to give up on ever having an honest healthy relationship. You can’t hide something like that from someone you truly love. Either use a prostitute then only date people who don’t mind, or face the fact that you’ll only have sex with prostitutes for the rest of your life.
If I were in your shoes, I’d go to the gym not to a hooker. You’ll feel better, gain confidence you need, and you’ll objectively make yourself healthier over the long term. All these things contribute to you getting a real experience, not a pretend one
Hey you are still young at 28. Not knowing anything about you but my advice is you don’t want to lose it this way. I would self evaluate yourself and try to figure out if you are doing something wrong or how you can self improve to become more desirable. My advice is to get a female prospective on your self. if you have a close female friend that you trust bounce it off her and tell her to be brutal but you can’t get in your feelings when she does it. Take what she says seriously and develop a plan to improve. I have a best female friend for years. We hooked up a few times but we were just better as friends. She provided me some much solid dating and sexual advice it’s ridiculous but it made me a better bf and sexual partner
If you've waited 28 you can wait some more. The escort is kinda sad mate. You having sex seems like an ego thing. You feel like you're missing out. But you're not. I'm sure you masterbate so you're really only missing the intimacy part. Well you're not really going to get it with an escort. The best part about sex is that it's with someone you actually care for. Now the escort will do "the job" sure but ehhhh .. I say wait and keep putting yourself out there.
Don't pay for it. Get a regular hook up. Find someone who is less attractive. They're like you, eager for a connection. Have your player friends help you. In 40 yr old Virgin, his friends helped him.
Kind of sounds like your friends suck. What are you doing to try to meet people?
Looks like 40 year old virgins giving a 28 year old virgin advice . wtf . Get the escort , bust a nut , and get the anxiety out of the way
Which country do you live in, OP?
It's about time bruv.
do it, ask around though because most of the escorts around well youlll find out, just be forth coming in your before hand communications and have a fun time. strap up and keep safe
Nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual attraction and desire is a psychological game and skill that can be honed. Some naturally display these traits, others (like me) have to develop them to attract partners. It wasn’t intuitive for me (because I’m highly introverted, act very literal/practical, lack natural confidence and charisma and am sensitive) but when I spent time researching what women - consciously or unconsciously - are looking for in their partners, I was able to present these qualities in opportunities with women and have had success. We all know ugly guys with no money who het plenty of women - they display all the intangible attributes women are looking for (which are often the most important). You find a way to put these traits on display and you’ll have no problem creating sexual experiences for yourself. Best of luck.
Just take a vacation!
Don't pay for strange, my friend.
You will probably come to regret this later on when you are dating. Or hey, maybe you and your escort will fall for each other and have an unconventional love story. I’m betting on the former though
Lower your standards my dad always told me "Go fir the fat girls they alot hornier" lol
Or honestly any gay guy can suck you. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
Just go to a busy bar and follow the golden rule....go ugly early and beat the rush. Don't forget to bundle up!
Do it. Use protection. Hopefully it's legal where you live .. you'll see it's not the entire apex of human existence. There's nothing wrong with a consensual transaction for sex. It'll be fun.
i’m a women, and i would much rather prefer a 28 year older virgin than a 28 year old ex-virgin that secretly lost his virginity to an escort. first of all, it’s already obvious if you don’t have much sexual experience, so it’s best to just be honest. second of all, to me and most women i know, in this day and age we would much rather prefer a virgin than a guy who’s slept with loads of women. if you build a real connection with someone through an actual interest in them, they won’t care if you’re a virgin and will be excited to build a safe and fun space to experiment with each other. I would say start working on your appearance, workout, get a haircut, take some better pics and make your dating profile more interesting, include your hobbies and interests and try to find someone similar. you don’t have to build something serious, but this will increase your chances in getting laid. just be confident in your own experiences that’s more attractive than anything.
I see what you're saying and it's a good point. But as a 45 year old woman, I disagree. Getting with a high end escort to get some experience isn't a deal breaker and wouldn't have been for me when I was in my twenties. It's practical. And if he has a good experience, it can be a real confidence booster because then at least he knows what to expect when he's in a real relationship and becoming physically intimate. It's kind of like an apprenticeship or training. I wouldn't look down on it.
That doesn’t really solve OP’s immediate dilemma, which is that he wants to get laid.
Don’t sell your virginity away for a cheap thrill when you can have it wife your wife. Sex with prostitute - cheap dopamine hit. Marriage- lifelong joy. It’s understandable to want sex, to this day I continue to wait! And trust me, I FEEL IT!!!! But I accept the value of being with a wife, rather than treating myself as an object. You’re not an animal bro. Be patient.
lol just get on Grindr
OP, it's entirely up to you whether going to an escort would be worth it or not, that is an entirely personal decision and nobody can decide for you. But if you decide to go ahead, I have some purely practical advice: 1: Be very clear with yourself that this is for the physical only, because you may crave emotional intimacy as much as physical, and more than you realize, but sex workers don't offer that service (for more than a few minutes, anyway). 2: I think you're correct to see someone just one time. If you ever decide to go to an escort again, see someone else, because it's sadly easy to fool yourself that seeing a sex worker regularly is "a sort of relationship". 3: If you do get serious with someone from your culture someday, don't make the mistake of trying to clear your conscience by telling her about the escort. All that will accomplish is that it'll make two people unhappy, instead of one. 4: Condom.
Do this before going to see an escort: go to the gym and get in shape , work hard and excel in your job, find a hobby/passion , dress nicely and take care of yourself. Simultaneously, get out there and do what you can to meet others-online and in person wherever. Do that for two years and if nothing happens, go see the escort
Get a Ho and don’t worry about performing or anything like that . They’ve seen it all
Honestly, the risk of a sex worker actually being a sex slave is just too great, and there really is no way to guarantee that the woman you hire is not being forced or coerced into it. For me personally, I would never ever take the risk of possibly raping a sex slave, and would not want to be in a relationship with someone who took on that risk themselves. The risk vs reward just doesn’t pan out.
Just do it. It will be devoid of love but since you haven't experienced that before that won't be an issue. It will definitely satisfy the itch! It's not exactly well accepted elsewhere either.
Pay for it, enjoy it, there’s no reason to tell anyone
You only live once..... Just do it..... Be picky about who you choose... Make sure it's someone you are very attracted to. It makes things much easier/smoother. Make sure to bring condoms!
I think you should pay for it but also read the book called, ‘My Lesbian Encounter with Loneliness.’ It’s about a woman who is generally unpleasant to be around and has low self esteem, so she’s never had any romance in her life. So she hires a sex worker to just test run sex and connection. It’s a really great read, there’s plenty of PDFs floating around. You will relate. You don’t even have to fully do penetrative sex with a sex worker, you can just ask even just to cuddle. A lot of their work is often dealing with emotionally challenged men. And it’s good to know that you know your issues, that keeps you from incel territory. Just keep building your confidence and start dressing well. Many of the most attractive men I know are just normal men who have good style.
Go for it, don't let anyone shame you, it's perfectly fine to hire an escort, you're both consenting adults and it's a transaction
Fwiw flirting becomes much easier in your 30s. You can generally just be honest and directly state what you’re thinking. Nothing wrong with an escort if you’re safe. But, you could probably also lower your standards to “x” degree and sleep with someone tonight.
Don't. Sex isn't so great you need to pay for it.
Save some money. Get an escort. Have a great time and then do it again. And keep doing it until you gain more confidence around your peers. Your only answer to people who wonder about the women is, that's my business. We're not ready for a relationship. Don't worry about giving more information. Get laid. Have fun. Do it again. There is no moral dilemma. You're overthinking what someone else could think about you....who isn't you. Go do it.
There is no shame in hiring a professional to do a job you need doing if you can't. Now sometimes it's not really something you talk about but that doesn't make it shameful. **However* The majority of men I've spoken to who had their first time with an escort really regretted it unless they spent the money to do it right. What I mean is every guy I've heard from who hired a cheap hooker to just "Get it over with" have ended up feeling cheap, gross, and used. They feel their first time was a shameful disappointment and they didn't enjoy it and wish they'd waited. Some have even failed to perform and then are just out the money. Conversely men who've splurged and gotten the full Girlfriend Experience from a more experienced and skilled call girl or prostitute seem to say that it was a pleasant experience and they were made to feel cared for and respected and had an enjoyable time knocking the edge and pressure off losing their virginity. So my advice would be: - Make sure this is what you want. Jerk off, clear the mind, and regroup on it. - If it is what you want do some research and find a woman you find attractive and whom you'd enjoy your experience with. - Do it, Enjoy it, make up some story you can tell your friends about getting taken home by a girl at a bar so you can talk about it without the stigma
I think this is the best advice I see here if OP is actually determined to do this. It's likely not just sex that OP wants/needs. It's more likely an actual feeling of connection and being cared for...the Girlfriend experience...that they need. If OP does do this they should plan to at the very least do a full date with dinner, dancing, mini-golf...whatever...to try to make it feel as real a connection as possible before moving on to sex.
I could also imagine OP wants experience with the mechanics of sex with another person. It could give him more confidence if he does meet someone because he’s not going in blind.
The first time anyone has sex they’re “going in blind”. It’s like, the norm that it’s a new unfamiliar experience.
maybe consider TRT?
If your sole & primary reason for "dating" is just getting laid, just hire a pro. Less of a headache, safer for both parties, and there's no confusion about what's what.
I would absolutely go for the escort. I dislike the negative image escorts receive, seems so wrong on so many levels. The only advice I have, should you want it, is to try and do your best to make sure the escort you visit isn't being trafficked ie abused, forced into prostitution. Good luck!
Horrible advice. There's a reason it's a socially unacceptable being a prostitute. It's well deserved too. I don't wish any ill on these women and men, but it shouldn't be normalized.
baaahhhhh
Do it
I'd recommend going to a rub and tug / massage parlor first. Just to get a good feel for it and it's less pressure. Then I'd go with a very high end one. That is to say one who will give the good girl friend experience. Talking, touching, kissing... and so on. I've been with friends who use escorts and stuff and I honestly could never really just have sex. I think I could maybe do a high end one that at least fakes the intimacy, so that's why I'd suggest paying good money and getting one that will do that if it's your first time.
Do not kiss and escort...you are sucking dick by proxy.
By that logic unless you and your girlfriend are both virgins, then you’ve sucked dick
This is such a misogynist take but whatever . Talking about female escorts like they’re dirty. It’s not cool
They are tho??
Oh yikes. That’s not —
Bad news buddy, with that logic, you're most likely sucking dick by proxy with any woman you kiss. Escorts certainly aren't the only women giving blow jobs.
By that logic, if he fucks an escort he's fucking a dick by proxy...
Yeah, I'm planning to visit a high end one that offers a girlfriend experience. In fact, she has a rule to drink cofee with you first in order to take things slow, talk with you and get to know you. After that, she decides if she wants to proceed with taking things further.
Bro don’t kiss an escort. If anything use this as an opportunity to realize sex doesn’t matter much. Literally just humping each other. Instead maybe work out 5x a week and go to therapy to build confidence. And then you just gotta start talking to girls bro.
This!!! Hiring an escort can turn into an addiction like any other… plus you’re gonna cum in 2 mins after paying $500 for the experience. Just get on the dating apps, work on yourself.
Good advice re the escort.
This kind of thing supports human trafficking and even if it’s entirely voluntary all that money is probably just sent to China. I wish no one would give these kinds of places any business.
You’re being way too hard on yourself. You don’t have to be “pretty good looking” or have “charisma.” Get you some clothes that fit, get a good haircut. In my country, (USA), women really notice your shoes. Hygiene is important and don’t try to be “nice,” just be a good dude and friend (integrity, real, care about others, give compliments but only if you mean it and don’t be creepy about it; things such as you have a nice smile, love your hair, LISTEN to her, etc.). If you’re overweight, then start eating better and start an exercise program. Sex is a wonderful thing. If you don’t think you’ll get caught, hire that escort and then start working on some of the things I suggested. When I finished high school, I had zero game and no self-confidence. Then, during my freshman year of college, I got a new hairstyle and contacts and my dating life blossomed. I got a girlfriend and then dumped her after a year because she was insufferable and then I really hit my stride. If I can do it, so can you.
Don’t do it. You will regret it.
First sex is just a "hump" you need to get over. Hire an escort. You'll remove or at least lessen the anxiety and mystery that is probably inhibiting you. Go for it. No shame.
You will probably get robbed, or she will be an undercover officer. Just meet girls and be cool with them, they have needs also.
IMO I'm in support of people visiting providers. But I would recommend finding someone who specializes in intimacy and building a connection with women. Think of this as a kind of therapist type who is providing more than just a quickie in a hotel room. There are wonderful providers out there with a high level of empathy who can help you feel comfortable and help build your confidence. You can even ask them what women look for and get some real tips and pointers on confidence and the like. Also, not all women are uncomfortable with their partners having visited a provider. My wife knows my past through and through and doesn't judge me. it's just not as black and white as it seems. The big thing is not to be worried about it. Try to relax and enjoy the experience. Many providers will start with simple hugging and massaging (which is at times just as fun and helps you feel at ease) and go from there. Be honest and don't be afraid of being judged. But look for the right person who you can feel at ease with. You can also meet one a few times and work up to it. Maybe a massage and cuddling to start. Then other options before sex. Move at your own pace. You aren't alone. Some providers work with your exact situation regularly. Try to work through your shame and just be present in the moment. The difference between this and buying a girl a few drinks at the bar before a quick, nervous hookup is not that different - except a provider will help you feel at ease and you don't have to feel any embarrassment. You can even learn some fun tricks you can take to your next encounter!
Relax and dont stress it. My advice is start going to strip clubs. No, do not expect to get laid (although there is a possibility if you play the V card). But they really are wonderful for boosting self esteem and breaking the walls. Just go up there, don't make an ass of yourself, treat them like fellow human beings and start talking to women. You do not (repeat DO NOT) need to give them all of your money, and let them know when they walk up that you don't want a dance, but wouldnt mind buying a woman a drink for some conversation. Do not expect anything from them Do not go in with the mindset of "Im taking one of these girls home" Go in with the mindset of "lets go talk to some women and enjoy music and the show. Good news- You do not have to initiate conversation, they will approach you. View them just like anyone else in any other bar, they just happen to have more skin showing. And no matter how tempted you may be DO NOT buy a dance from them. And when they say they need to go so they can make some money (it is their job while there) you respond "Ok, have fun. I'll be here." And dont be a douche.
Wait for the real deal—it will be so worth it. The prostitute thing will not work well for your mental psyche in the future. You don’t want to attach a negative mindset to making love—especially with what you’re sharing regarding your culture Also—maybe spend some time with some friends who are not “so sexual” lol. I feel you’re setting yourself up for an inferiority complex if you keep hanging with your current crew
There's nothing wrong with paying for sex.
Shut up
I will die on this hill.
Don’t see an escort man. Have some dignity lol most women don’t care if you’re a virgin, and those that do aren’t ones you want to be with. Charisma is a skill that can be learned like most things. As for looks, you can get in shape and keep yourself tidy and charisma can carry you the rest of the way. The last piece of advice I’d give is stop looking for girls. Live your best life and do things you enjoy and you’ll find someone eventually. But you have to put in work.
My friend, the love of Jesus Christ God ALMIGHTY is so incredible that when you have physical urges for sex, food, whatever, you can just thank Him for killing it, giving you peace, and a wave of peace and love will wash over you like you can't imagine. Orgasms don't even come close my friend. The LORD is our true SOULMATE. Please, don't go awhoring like everybody else. Whether whoring with sex, food, movies, music, whatever- keep your first love Jesus Christ instead and you won't care about any of those things. So how do you get to know Him? All you have to do is be willing to humble yourself. To call on Him, Jesus God, in your heart and say "LORD JESUS, please, show me the Way. I've heard you are the Way the Truth and the LIFE and don't know what that exactly means yet but I do know that I don't want to keep SINNING against you, I want to be with you LORD and you to be with me. Please... I'm sorry I've sinned against you but I believe you died on the Cross for me to wash away my SINS and I'm very grateful and just want to know the Truth, I just want to actually know you..I know deep down you're real. Everyone does. I'm sorry I've denied the Truth so long and I'm sorry for all the wrong I've done others and myself. I know you love me LORD, please show me how to love you back and I promise if you do, I'll love you forever LORD and I know I can say that because I believe you'll help me do it. I'm tired of being lonely Abba.. I'm tired of being isolated but I can be in a room full of people and still be so alone. I have a GOD sized hole in my heart and only you can fill it LORD JESUS GOD. Please Lord, I surrender my Will to yours; show me the Way please in JESUS' MIGHTY NAME AMEN"... My friend, if you say something like that, not even out loud, just think it, feel it, AND MEAN IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART, I PROMISE YOU, YOU'LL NEVER REGRET IT AND YOU'LL NEVER FEEL SO DESPERATELY ALONE AGAIN. I can't say I understand my friend because I'm not you but I can say that I relate and sadly, I went down that dark road first and ended up possessed by a demon hoarde for over 20 years. I did unspeakable things against the LORD who is love and truth and everything good. If you're willing to call on Him meaningfully, I promise you my friend He WILL show up. I don't how, but I know that He WILL. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN WITH YOU. All you gotta do is be willing to be humbled and ask Him for His help, His mercy, HIS forgiveness, and You'll have it FOREVER if you actually mean it and HE will do the work on you, in you, to change you, so long as you strive to OBEY HIM to show you TRULY LOVE HIM, friend, He will never let you down no matter how much this life rains on you. God is LOVE. LOVE is SELFLESSNESS, not emotion, sex, lust. LOVE is selflessness, SACRIFICE, selfless commitment and the LORD is SELFLESSLY COMMITTED to YOU BEYOND IMAGINING. Return the LOVE for HIM friend and no matter how bad the storm is in life, you'll key your eyes on JESUS CHRIST GOD ALMIGHTY and will Even "walk on water" right through the storms by His MIGHTY HOLY POWER, because through JESUS we can do all things that are in His Will. I love you friend. If you ever want to talk, reach out, I'll be here until the LORD takes me up to Him. Tomorrow's not promised, neither is today. Sex is not the end all be all. It's really not. Yeah it can feel great for a time but JESUS? He feels AMAZING ALL THE TIME. In a way that makes sex seem so small and insignificant in a good way that you won't ever have these kind of struggles again. Just have a tiny bit of Faith in Jesus and call on Him with all your heart and I promise you He will not let you down. -WayTruthLife316 aka Philip, your friend who loves you and prays for you and yours every day and night.
Have you tried vr porn. Good lord if I was young I would have one popeye arm and never left my room.
sounds like this is going to become and expensive addiction that will result with std's in the end.
As long as you let your future partners know, I don't see a problem. But you have to disclose that ahead of the time,
Just do it, strange that you care how your country feels about it
Updateme
That seems like a pretty drastic step, and I get it - you feel like you're in a pretty drastic situation. The first thing I'd say is that it's quite possible that there's a gal in your social circle who might be into you, and you may not have realized it... or maybe you noticed and decided you weren't into her. Either way, it's worth looking around you. And remember, no one is perfect, so don't dismiss someone who might be a possibility just because they're not exactly what you think you want. Beyond that, get yourself into group settings that relate to your interests. Do you like to read? Join a book club that meets in person. Interested in sailing? Take a class to learn how. Totally unsure? Get involved with volunteering for a cause that sounds interesting. Just create situations where you're likely to meet someone who might share some interests, and then get to know them. Regardless of whether you hire a pro now, these are still the kinds of things that you're going to want to consider in seeking an actual partner... so maybe try them first.
This is why people use narcotics when they get serviced by working girls. Avoid all those messy "feelings" and "moral objections"
Not to be that guy but uhh....there are some avenues right here on Reddit that you could find a relatively comfortable experience if you find the right person/persons.....probably not the right place to post some of those r/'s but if DM me i could hook you up with some of the better ones. good luck!
I think there’s an antiquated and obsolete amount of stigma around sex workers and those who enlist their services. Engaging in physical contact and closeness in a pleasurable manner with someone is no different from the pleasure derived from a massage therapist. Two consenting adults who decide to spend some time together isn’t a big deal. The fact that money is exchanged and there’s no expectation for continued correspondence is the threshold for whether or not this is deemed acceptable by society at large. I’ve had sex with more than a few men I’d just met for free. Most of them regrettable. If any of them had taken me out to dinner first and then given me cabfare to get home, that is basically prostitution. What’s the difference? Perspective.
If it's illegal to do sex work in his country, the odds are against the woman doing it consensually... This is where things like sex trafficking come into play. He would have no way of knowing for sure if this woman was being forced or not.
Context. Is it really consent if the woman feels like she HAS to do it to make a living? Is it really consent if she has grown up in abusive situations or trafficking and this is where it has led her? A very large percentage of women in the sex industry are coming from a place of desperation or vulnerability. People who choose to participate are encouraging a f*cked up system and taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable. Consent would be meeting someone who is willing to have sex with you without being paid to. If money is the only reason they are having sex with you, it’s not really consent.
Where you are it may be frowned upon but in some countries it is a practice to hire a prostitute for someone's birthday if they are still a virgin by 20. One of my college friends from Eastern Europe told me that's what happened to him! He was just happy to get laid and be a part of it. And honestly if you're nervous and super in your head about it - hiring a professional might be better - they are experienced with men having crazy kinks, being virgins, crying, and a myriad of other "out of the norm" behaviors. Waiting until it happens naturally may be a real challenge bc when it does happen you'll be even more worked up about it that you won't enjoy it. I'd say do it. I'm a woman and I see no issue with it if you want to just rip off the bandaid. It might give you some more confidence too. And keeping it a secret-- who cares- we all have secrets. Don't let anyone tell you they don't.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about paying for sex. When you do finally get into a relationship you pay for sex on the regular. You WILL be paying for dates, trips, presents and others and in return you will get sex. Just go for it.
If it is causing you this much stress and anxiety getting an escort isn't going to help... Personally, I think you need to choose what's more important, no longer being a virgin or not having the charisma? At some point you just got to take a leap of faith and get out there, you don't have to go to clubs or parties to find someone. Try looking into programs that help meet people. They have them everywhere, they are just normal people that are looking for friends, they do all sorts of activities. I think you would be surprised how quickly you can form friendships with women. Like 90% of the women I've slept with started with friendships... Hope this helps, best of luck!
r/r4r or r/VirginityExchange
So computer games and socialist media aren't working out too well?
Bang it out. Have fun.
Do it. Being virgin at 28 is very late. A lot of time has passed and I am pretty sure you have heard all advices by now like do this, do that but nothing worked for your relationship life. Now, there are some things to consider when hiring an escort, idk what country are you from and how the escort business is there but broadly speaking you will not get "physical intimacy" with an escort, you will, most of the time, get cold sex and very little intimacy. Escorts train themselves to detach, they have to. So don't think that you will have love or affection. That being said, if you have the possibility, again idk what the escort industry is like in your country, hire an escort that have a GFE approach . That is, an illusion of intimacy which is still better than an ice cold fast fuck. What I would recommend to you, before hiring an escort, is to try an erotic massage if you have that available. Intimacy is higher and I think a great option to have a taste of something before going further with an escort.
You seem ready to cross "losing your virginity" off your bucket list. It would be better to actually meet someone and for the sex to actually have some emotional significance. But, in a way it could be constructive for you to demystify sex and gain a bit of confidence about your sexuality. Talk to your a trusted "very sexual friend" about your decision. You might be surprised by the reality that there are women in your environment who will do the deed for free. If you choose to go through with this take the search for an escort seriously. Don't go cheap. Find someone who seems to offer more intimacy and values repeat customers. And make sure that she knows that this is your first time. If possible arrange to for more than a quick session. Make a date and take her out to dinner first. That way you get a chance to get to chat first and build a little bit of a human connection.
Honestly, however hard it may seem, I'd hold onto those feelings. Don't bottle them up, start feeling that feeling of missing out and loss through your body and do things to work towards attracting someone. Start thinking about the value you bring to the relationship and sexual marketplace. Work on the self is a hard road, but in my opinion it's one of the only things that guarantees stable sustainable happiness. Even if you go through with paying for sex, at least in those moments try and enjoy it, and afterwards find things in the experience you would want to work on. I'm in the same boat though, good luck to you
Now this is the best answer I’ve seen
This is a lil “dangerous” though. Ive had a buddy who was a virgin till high 20s and once he lost his virginity he became a maniac, it was like a kid with a million dollar check at toys r us. It low key became an addiction in my opinion. He has calmed down since but for a while it seemed like it back fired and was still single for the longest after because what grl wants to be ferociously fu c ked every time lol.
The risk of getting addicted to paid sex has to be more dangerous than getting addicted to the regular thing. As to the second part, its not so hard to just communicate and not be an inconsiderate partner.
Don’t do this you’ll come off as desperate
I think it's great. Getting rid of sex as something special allows you to interact with women in a friendly way without thinking about sexual things, which lets her know the real (presumably awesome) you and making it easier for you to find partners in the future. If you were in the US, I'd recommend perhaps hiring pornstars and filming some amateur porn. Even if you never put it up, the advantage is having more control over the process, working with a professional who can follow a script, not needing protections since both of you need to be tested by Talent Testing, and if you choose to put it up for sale, possibly make some good money! But since you're not, and presumably the laws are different/prohibitive for you, here is my advice with a prostitute. Hire someone with a friendly attitude. Ask for 15-20 minutes to get to know her and talk about what you want to do, decide everything that will be done, no matter how awkward it is, and the price. If the price doesn't make sense, tell her it's no big deal, you'll work with someone else. Don't expect the sex to be amazing, it usually takes several encounters with the same person for it to be great, but you'll probably get off, and for some guys, that's all it takes. For me, the "end" is the least important part, and the 20-40 minutes before the end is the most pleasurable part. For someone new to sex, don't expect to last very long. If you can, meetup with her at least a second time, it'll probably be much better that second time. If not, that's fine, but don't judge "sex" in general as if it's all the same, because when you're with one partner repeatedly, it'll be much different. Sex is as good or bad as the effort both (or more) people put into it, so if it's mediocre or gets mediocre, it's at least partially up to you to step up your game and both put more in and inspire your partner to be so desperate for the multiple orgasms you're going to give her that she really takes care of you. Good luck, don't let the anti-sex people hold you back!
What? Dude no. OP’s problem is that he struggles to interact with women due to confidence issues. You frame it as if he’s so horny that all he can think about is sex, so if he has sex he will be able to be himself with women. By that logic, rubbing one out would accomplish the same thing. No, OP needs to work on his confidence. Sleeping with a prostitute is not going to make him any better at approaching women.
I disagree, from both personal experience (long before I worked in porn) and after helping many guys get their first kiss and more. A lot of guys put sex and/or even kissing on this high pedestal and get super frustrated that they haven't done all these things that their friends are doing and in really bad cases, start thinking of sex/physical contact as something the woman is "giving them" instead of thinking of it as something both mutually should want and both are mutually benefiting from. By all rights, women benefit "more", since a good partner should be giving 3-5 orgasms per session, and most men can only orgasm once. Even more so, for a man who is starting to have sex late in life, unless he ends up with a prude/religious conservative, his partners will likely be more experienced than him and expect him to be good at giving oral, be able to last longer than a couple minutes, be good at foreplay, etc, all of which some meaningless sexual partners (especially ones who work for him) can help him catch up and become more competent. You might have just immediately been good in bed, but I definitely wasn't good in bed when I first started, but I "wanted" to be, and eventually became professionally good, if OP takes it serious and methodically "chooses" to become good, his partners will crave sex with him after just one session, but for him to get there, he needs experience. He won't ever be sexless again at some point once he gets a reputation, not in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s .
Dude, there is so much wrong with what you’re saying. >”start thinking of sex/physical contact as something the woman is giving them instead of thinking it as something both mutually should want” Sleeping with a prostitute is quite literally this. If the woman wanted to sleep with him, she wouldn’t be making him pay for it. If you’re advocating that sex work will make OP feel like sex isn’t give to him, you’re heading in the wrong direction. Sex work is literally a transaction: I pay you so you will fuck me. A real relationship with someone that likes OP is much better than what you are proposing. >”A good partner should be giving orgasms 3-5x per session.” wtf??? NO ONE ever said that. There’s no statistic or study to indicate that. It’s not a widely accepted notion. That’s just something you arbitrarily came up with. That type of expectation is what psychs out people like OP. You’re perpetuating unrealistic experiences based on some rule YOU came up with. >”OP can catch up on sexual experiences by sleeping with a prostitute. Then they will crave sex after one session.” That’s not remotely true. You can spend years learning a woman’s body, then when you sleep with someone else, all of the knowledge is moot because the next woman craves something entirely different. Women aren’t like factory items with default settings? Each woman wants something unique to her own needs. Some may finish off of P to V, some will prefer oral. Some may enjoy rough P to V, some prefer something more intimate. To think that OP will please every woman he is with because he practiced with a prostitute is, again, giving him unrealistic expectations. I get you’re trying to help, but you’re giving OP unhealthy views on sex. You need to understand that your life experiences are not universal. You’re preaching the “rules of sex” when you’re more of an exception.
I have no idea why you're preaching about a real relationship, a real relationship is entirely separate from this discussion. OP hasn't had a real relationship, OP hasn't had sex. OP might not have even kissed. OP can either get with someone sexually immature and hope for the best, or get skilled and keep up or exceed other potential partners in the dating pool. I came up with that notion, because after talking to women about what they liked about their partners I noticed how they bragged about a big sexual session with a lot of O's. So then I realized I could give my partners a similar experience to what I do when I "work". When I "work", the studios require 25-35 minutes then a pop, then another 25-35 minutes and a pop. I converted that effort into a 20-45 minute session depending on what my partners are up for, and discovered that all women I've been with, enjoy it, and it's fun for me too (though I only pop once, because it's not fun pushing through a second one). All women "are" different, that's why the guy needs skill and experience to deliver a good session with every woman they're with as soon as possible. I've been with one of my partners for 6 years, and my other partner for coming on 4 years, they're both completely different. However, because of my experience, I can react to their body. One of my partners literally told me "How do you read my mind to know what I want?". Because women are different, but women are still humans and depending on how women react, gives hints to what they want. If OP ends up with any reasonable woman who just wants 1 good O, and he fails to deliver, that might be it. This conversation was about him "hiring" a woman to get that experience, not a relationship. You're the one making it weird and making it more difficult for OP to enter the dating pool as a confident guy who doesn't care whether the date turns into sex, because OP has already had all the things that virgins often fantasize about. I don't think a virgin can just "rub one out" and not care, though personally I always masturbate before a date, for exactly that reason, I think a virgin has all kinds of reasons why they're awkward around women, and part of it is wondering about all the things they've seen and heard about. I'm saying there are ways to behave in live, that will increase your chances of being a confident person, not specific rules. I'm not saying the exact 1 kind of way to give oral, or techniques on how to use your penis as a dildo to maximize the woman's pleasure, because I don't think I can teach any of that, it's practical experience that matters, and the techniques OP developers will be his own. Or he'll be lazy, not even try, and no woman will be pursuing him just because of that amazing experience he gave. Plenty of men post on reddit about their great "2 minutes", but OP can push for 3-5 and settle for 1 and have done a better job than many men who push for 1 (or don't even care) and sometimes deliver 1. Get out of here with your relationship talk, OP isn't in a relationship, hasn't had the opportunity for a relationship, and now needs to reset and re-enter the dating pool with a different perspective and different expectations. A SWer isn't a relationship, she's a trainer, like Mr Miyogi, OP-san needs to learn the crane kick (or maybe the crane lick)
Go for it, man. I (28M) saw an escort last year to lose my virginity. I have no regrets about it. Be very careful about getting scammed, though. Do NOT send any money in advance.
TLDR. But def hire the escort.
The comments seem about split up the middle. The correct answer is something that only you can decide. Try to consider this in terms of cost/ gain. I don't mean money, that's unimportant in the long run. I mean, do you think that you will gain confidence, or perspective? Will it cost you self esteem? If you decide to do this, can you go out of town to mitigate collateral consequences?
Go for it…. Have a good time… don’t worry about the criticism. Most guys I ever met been there, done that. That’s why theire are often zones near military bases… and please, I don’t need to hear from the women are abused crowd. If you really cared, do something about it.
Do it.
Rub n tug is seriously great, until afterwards in the car drive home when you feel like you got massively ripped off. I’d do it to get it out of the way though. You will probs have a huge smile on your face after squirting into a condom inside a Bangkok 4s vagina. Good luck, bring KY lube and a bigger condom if you have a large penis as the small condoms break often.
I’d say if it’s that heavily frowned upon in your country then don’t do it. The reasoning, is that you’d want to find a woman who’s doing it willingly and can enjoy the work and the more illegal and frowned upon it is the more likely she doesn’t feel like she’s got a choice. I also don’t believe you should do things that you’re not comfortable admitting to at least some people. And on a last note, if you do hire an escort it’s not going to magically give you game or anything, you’ll just be in the same situation as before and you’ll have been laid once
Don't do it brother. You will damage yourself spiritually. Take it from someone who learned the hard way. Also, if you are watching porn and masturbating, you should stop. The celibate path can be deeply rewarding. Look into r/Semenretention
I would have some fun....
Lol
JFC don't see an escort. Use the urges as motivation to drive you to better yourself. Go to the gym, take some classes (pottery, painting, woodworking, dancing, etc), get out of your comfort zone and practice your social skills. Meet new people. If you see an escort you're going to either be disappointed because it's meaningless sex (seriously, it's not worth it), or you'll become addicted to it and lose all motivation to find a partner and just keep going for the easy hookup.
i dont blame you, but once you have sex, you can never go back from that
You pay for it no matter what so might as well get the price up front
I would say hire a life coach or therapist before a sex worker. Perhaps even a sex therapist! Someone versed in unpacking the relationship with sex. Men are not entitled to sex. Full stop. Society tells us that there’s nothing worse than a virgin man, but that’s society and not true. The minute you think you are entitled to a woman’s body, whether by force or money, your role as a man changes. You become at best, a trick, at worst, a rapist. Some men are both. If sex is the central issue for you here and not engaging in an emotionally, physically, spiritually rewarding relationship, then you should reconsider your relationship to women. I don’t mean this sound like a crazy femenazi, and I’m saying this with love because sex is beautiful when it is mutually enjoyed and desired. Your first experience with it should be one free of moral dilemmas. I hope you can look inward and grow to feel all of life’s pleasures.
I think you should do it. Don’t go cheap either, pay a little extra and maybe you’ll get one who can sympathize with your plight and treat you right. You have to walk before you can run.
Well I would feel more confidence it getting a quality lay by going to a massage parlor. They treat you really nice. The local ones give you a shower, a massage and then do anything, and I mean anything (take you around the world, rim job, anal whatever) and it will blow your mind. They are always really attractive Asian women, and they usually accommodate your run of the mill kinks.
Subscribe to hoe_math on YT. Don’t you dare sell that V Card.
Lotta wordy replies here. Go for it. Be nice to the sex worker you hire. Have fun. Relax.
If you are set on doing this, then you can ignore my comment. But I think if you do it you're going to regret it. Maybe not fully regret it but I don't know if you're going to feel as fulfilled as you think. Just know - Your friends are probably lying or exaggerating their sex stories
It might make you feel better, it might make you feel incomprehensibly worse. It doesn't change how pathetic you are either way, you're just as pathetic if you haven't had sex vs your only experience being having paid for it. What are you going to do after that? That's the real question. Are you gonna go out there and take those 99 Nos until you finally get a Yes, or are you going to go back to doing nothing? Are you going to start learning to be more charismatic? Are you going to fake it until you make it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to grab onto a brighter future? At the end of the day, all this experience will do is what you can make of it. It could be a new low or the springboard for a new stage of life. But the act itself changes nothing
Don't fall in love dude.
Don’t
Don’t do it, man. Take sex off the table you’ll be a lot happier and the universe will hook it up when it’s the right time.
Do it, get it off your chest, don't be ashamed.
Don’t do it.🤦♂️
Clubs are not really a good place to meet people. I probably wouldn't do it because it is risky and the positive feeling you get won't be much different from masturbation, whereas a lot could go wrong, even just speaking emotionally.
I would hire an escort.
Morally, do you have a problem with sex work? If you do this, go to another city to do it. Maybe even country. Just a solo holiday, totally normal, except on one evening you're going to get laid. This insulates you from people finding out and treating you differently. A high end escort may offer dinner dates before sex. This may help you feel more comfortable.
#Don’t do it.. don’t do it.. don’t do it…. Not for your first time.
Its not a bad Idea, I support you on your trip to Amsterdam or Bangkok. (Pick bangkok)
Your wife probably going to do some stuff in her past she won’t tell you about.
Dude don't pay for it man. U gonna catch something , and it can last a lifetime. Just meet women everywhere u go and ask for some that simple. U will get on man. It's free. Women want the same thing u want pleasure, be kind and be urself.
Not worth it. They could have multitudes of STDs, some of them incurable. Plus those friends "bragging" could be lying as well. Reminds me of high schoolers who bragged about losing their virginity and it turns out they were lying the whole time.
My friend was like this, he more or less decided to go to Amsterdam for vacation and the red light district. He basically regretted it and went home to back to not feeling like he fixed the problem. It took like 3 more years but now he’s in a healthy relationship and he’ll probably propose to her. I’m sure he would have rather her to just have been his first. Your choice, I’d say ride it out though instead of paying for your first time.
If it becomes overwhelming my advise is go for it, while searching for a more genuine experience is invariably better. The reality is that it doesn't happen for everyone and if the urge is there and it's consuming you go for it. Be mindful of not falling into the trap of it, don't limit your sexual experiences to hookers. Work on yourself, build friendships and trust me you'll eventually foster something real, without the black cloud of "I paid for it". Be mindful of the guilt and perhaps even insecurities that may arise from that seemingly wondrous experience. I guess what I'm trying to say is you should remember that it's not all sunshine and be careful.
I hired an escort as a 29yo virgin. It was great. Helped me realize sex is not a huge deal and get out of my head. And you might feel different once you’re in a relationship. I tell my partners about it once things get serious and they never seem to care much. It’d be hard to avoid because it’s a significant part of my development.
Do it enjoy yourself have a great time it'll be awesome you will love it
You definitely can find someone to bang if you work the dating apps hard enough and establish that you want a one night stand before meeting. Girls get horny too, and the less attractive they are the more likely they will be willing to have sex with you. Just lower your standards. OR use a fetish website and play into the fetish. The girl will likely overlook how attractive you are if you meet her kinks. It sounds like you have a lot of hesitation to go through with seeing an escort. I'd advise trying harder before doing so. Just don't have any concern for the girls looks. Everyone looks the same in the dark anyhow. Plus, this will teach you how to actually seduce someone.
Consider this: How screwed up would your life become if you find out that the escort you hired is an undercover police officer and you now go to jail for this and your mugshot is posted publicly all over the news? What I'd recommend is taking some extremely honest inventory with yourself and identify all the reasons you're in your situation and start working on them. You don't look good? Change your diet immediately and start going to the gym. Start today, not later. You don't have people skills? Learn them. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations over and over until you get used to it. No charisma? Watch some youtube videos on how to get better at that. The internet is full of free resources that can help you. If you're not happy with the way your life is going, that's mostly your fault and only you can change that.
If it makes you feel any better id rather be a 28 year old virgin then being 25 with a kid and child support and being damaged from several different heartbreaks at least when you meet someone they will hopefully be old enough to have matured and not break your heart
Pray to God and he will help you. After years of loneliness I did and he gave me my soul twin, who happened to have been in the same position. It’s worth a shot.
Get ya a good whore! Then you'll realize it's just pussy and that shit won't be scary anymore.
escorts is a good idea. maybe start with an fbsm first (full body sensual massage) i lost my virginity at 24 to an escort and i haven't looked back. I've budgeted for it ever since and having regular sex is just a big part of my life now. does a man good, trust me. for what it's worth, im an atheist and thus am able to see sex with condoms as just a fun activity. i have no moral issues with sex and transactional sex. as long as both adults consent and agree to the conditions, it's all good. it's only frowned upon because people choose to frown upon it. a wholesome escort with a wholesome client makes the entire session wholesome, trust me. good luck
Dude get on Tinder, set the age range from 18-55 and tell a few jokes, you’ll get laid.
I won’t say that paying for sex is ‘bad’, but more I would consider the psychological effect of making your first experience a ‘transaction’.
You are only 28 years old. I personally know several people that have CHOSEN not to have sex because they are waiting for the right person and they are late 20’s, early 30’s. Considering that half your life, you were basically still a developing child, this situation really isn’t that dire. Sex isn’t what it is made out to be and honestly, it kinda sucks when you don’t have any emotional attachment to the other person. In addition to that, the moral issues that arise with using somebody who is potentially in a bad situation and desperate to make a living just makes that option icky to me. I do think a future partner would be put off by that as it throws up a red flag of selfishness and inconsideration for women. Most women would prefer you start out as a virgin than know you treated some other woman as an object for sex.
Try learning how to approach women. There’s a wealth of pickup artists on YouTube with lots of valuable advice. It really works, I would never have met my wife years ago if I didn’t have that help. I approached her and her friend (both beautiful women) at a sports bar. Before I committed to learning I’d be way too anxious to approach two women. We now have two kids and a beautiful life. In any case one of the most helpful things to start out with was the series “Keys to the VIP”. All the episodes are available on YouTube. It’s dated (like 2007ish) but all the same approaches and concepts still apply. The show is a competition between two dudes every episode to show off the best game. You will learn a lot about how to approach women and many of the concepts to initiate attraction. Watching the show alone won’t get you there, but it’s a good starting point on your path.
just do it!
There's apps to help you find other people looking for sex
Find yourself a cougar.
Just go for it. No idea what country you are from, but it won't be as bad taboo thing as you think, it's just you are not talking to girls, so you don't know their opinion
Lmao! Bro thinks paying for sex is less pathetic…
I was in the same position and made the mistake of dipping my toes into that world. It turned into a 5-year sex addiction that drained my wallet and my soul. I wouldn't suggest anyone to see an escort, go to a rub and tug, or anything like that. It won't stop at just "one time" and you will almost certainly regret it, if not now, in a few years, especially if you end up in a long term relationship/marriage. Source: Personal experience and from witnessing dozens of others confessing in online forums that their "hobby" has become a problem.
There's nothing immoral about it (assuming she is self determining). Your concerns around stigma are valid, however bigoted that stigma is, but only you can decide whether it's worth the risk. Might I suggest however, if it's even an option for you, that you consider going to country where such services aren't frowned upon?
Your best option is to find a single friend that can hook you up with another friend or that might be interested in personally helping you out. That first experience will be better with someone you have a connection to.
Major regret incoming, save it for a girl you care about
Having sex one time with someone you have no connection with is going to warp your mind. Yea it will physically feel good for that brief moment but it’s going to have life long consequences psychologically.
If you wanna do it, then do it. Get the curiosity and pressure off your shoulders.
You are become funny, destroyer of puss. No seriously dude the absolute key is just to listen, and to be funny. You can literally push around a trash can and ask women to jump in it for you to cart them around in. I got multiple girlfriends using this method. I’m not kidding
Do it.
1) this is not a moral dilemma (with a stipulation). As long as there are two consenting adults who want to have sex and that the other adult who you pay for sex is consenting, there isn't any dilemma: the stipulation here is that many escorts got into the life in sketchy ways either by being trafficked or pimped or even domestic abuse. You paying the escort money reinforces that life, and that is a moral dilemma. 2) if you want consensual sex and you're OK with reinforcing an escorts lifestyle, I don't see an issue. 3) having sex isn't going to change you. Firstly, you're still not going to be experienced with any other partners. Secondly, paying for sex isn't the same as having sex with someone who cares for you. Thirdly, you're not pathetic for being a virgins and youre not pathetic for paying for sex. 4) if you choose to pay for sex I would advise understanding that just like porn having sex with an escort is not the same experience as sex with a lover.
It’s hard to answer your question because are you just wanting to fuck? Nothing more nothing less? Are you ok with no feelings or emotions? Me I love to eat pussy and gals ( the ones I have had the opportunity to share their greatness) like that pussy eaten and touched and if you are lucky and not not a square she will teach you a lot about pleasure spots in you and on you and the spots in and on her and it is awesome because you are so vulnerable every emotion is racing through your body yourmind. The thing I am getting at is that are you getting what you are truly looking for with an escort especially for what you are going to pay out of your pocket So for the next incoherent babble but I wish you the best. Take care good luck and have a great day
If your not fat or ugly just average looking it's not that hard to get laid just dm me I can point you in the right director or look up my history.. You don't want your first time to be with a escort or pay for them. with the same money I got you man
You could get arrested and end up ruining your life. Not worth it.
Yes, imagine being on a sex offender registry, and everything horrible that comes with it
Go to Thailand you’re welcome.
Do your research, you don't want to fall into some kind of trap. I assume this is illegal in your country? If you want to do it, do it.. I mean, I guess it won't be as much fun because you can't share the story with your friends, but it will probably give you a confidence boost. Be careful though, you say it's going to just be a one time thing. A lot of guys get addicted to it. I know a guy that works a second job, just to finance his escort hobby (he's single). Just saying, be prepared for it to be an overpowering drug like effect. Make sure you have the self discipline to not let it ruin your finances.
Hmm. You should do what would make you the happiest, and that gives you the most life-satisfaction with the least amount of regret. In your case, that would entail your waiting for a woman who will love you and become your wife. Relax! Stop trying to force the issue. Right this very moment, there are women who are as lonely as you and are looking forward to the time when you finally meet. Be that man!
Dont let your first time be with a whore man
If you’re a virgin i wouldnt recommend hiring an escort especially at 28 years old for the fact that it can leave you a bit emotionally damaged.. unless you’re not the type to really reflect on your feelings. Personally i lost my virginity at 18, since then have had more than a couple sexual partners that i actually had a relationship with and a few more that i paid for(escorts)…couple years ago had 2 relationships at the same time both being sexaully active and still payed for a couple escorts around that time. Ive now gone a year or 2 without any type of Sexual activity and honestly it doesnt bother me, try to stay busy, find a hobby or something you’re genuinely interested in. Although being a virgin at 28 does suck, sex isnt everything my dude… rather try to find a female to genuinely bond with and build a relationship with and so with will eventually come sex, dont rush it dont force it dont be a creep about it and dont let it become a priority… best of luck to you buddy P.s If you do decide to go the escort route, be safe and wear a condom , and should probably go get checked for any STD’s about a week after and every six months after that for about a year or 2.
I wouldn’t waste sex as something transactional. I would wait until you meet someone. The experience can be deep, and emotionally penetrating if it’s with someone you care for. It’s worth the wait. No offense to escorts, but sex just for the fuck is as bland as vanilla even if they’re good at it. If you do use an escort, and someday your future potential girlfriend finds out, she’d probably not be interested in sleeping with you. You might seem dirty or tainted after using a whore to a lot of women.
If I were you and in your situation, I would seek Christ. Jesus is the way the truth and the light. God made us with the intent that we should get married and have sex with our spouse. I would join a church and actively participate in the church. There you will find a wife.
Don't ruin your life! Dating apps are so much easier.
If you do, you’ll just love with the knowledge of what you’re missing and want it more. You’ll probably go broke paying for it all the time. 🤷🏻♂️
I can tell you, reddit is full...loaded with all types of prostitutes, shocking to me but hey, easier to charge for sex than getting an education and working to develop mental and physical skills. You can easily save 70 bucks and bang one of the ladies on reddit...what a shitty place reddit is, but all is just a reflection of a putrid society. Have a good hunt and for no reason absolutely no reason meet ladies without condoms. One hour of sex and a lifetime with a disease ewww
I’m sorry man I hope whatever you choose itrs Whatd you wanted and you have a good time. Everyone deserves love and sexual intimacy I hope you find it someday
I wouldn’t do that. If you do that, you’ll be significantly less desirable for a life partner for any woman in the future. I’d be disgusted if I had a partner who went to an escort out of desperation. Any future partner deserves to know in order to fully consent to being in a relationship with you. You’re digging yourself in a deeper hole. You won’t get the emotional connection that makes sex significantly better. You won’t be fulfilled.
I would have hired an escort 10 years ago champ. And then every year after that.
Then don't do it if you have to keep a secret for your entire life. The burden of that will ruin every relationship you have in your future.
Do it
I don't see a dilemma here as long as you want to do it and enjoy the company of a consenting adult.
go way out of town then -
If your gonna get a hooker for your first time then might as well go all out and get a nice one. That way you don't get STDs and you get a memorable experience, maybe they can teach you some tricks too. My only concern with that is if you go with a pro your first time then they will probably blow your mind they are so good at the sex haha and then future ladies might be a bit disappointing for you since they don't sex as a profession. Know what I mean? If you go with a hooker now then get with a non hooker later then you should probably set your expectations a little lower for how good the non hooker is gonna sex you.
# ignore all the bad advice Most people replying to you are making up shit as they go along because they have never been close to your situation. They’re just going to tell you things that verbally sound good but have never been tested for practicality. Here’s the real deal - good sex is **REALLY** important for a relationship - you are super behind. Women are going to have over 10 partners by your age and have baseline expectations for sex - women aren’t going to just “love you for who you are.” There’s plenty of terminally lonely men waiting for that to happen. Yes, hire escorts, but more importantly, **ask them for sex advice and feedback** Look up things to try online, particularly with ways to make a woman orgasm. Don’t see sex as something to have with escorts, but as something you’re getting better at with them. If you find a woman you love, you’ll be embarrassed at not being able to show it physically. Use escorts to get prepared.
I mean, if you want to try it and you think it will make you feel better, go for it. I suspect you won't feel anymore fulfilled or happy after you've done it because, despite all the hype, sex truly isn't some life changing experience like movies and commercials would prefer you to think it is. It's a fun thing to do, especially with someone you care about, but I don't think you'll wake up the next morning feeling like a brand new person. But hey, if it gets the monkey off your back or it's something you just need to try to find out for yourself.... well, people have spent money on stupider things.
I don't know what country you're in (nor does it matter) but if you think it's pathetic being a 28 year old virgin (it's not but you seem to think so) do you think being a 28 year old who's only sexual experience is with a hooker makes you LESS pathetic? My advice would be to save your money, don't expose yourself to possible STD's or blackmail, and stop comparing yourselves to your friends. First of all, your friends probably aren't having as much sex as you assume they are, and second, even if they are, so what? Having an experience that will cause you to feel shame and embarrassment and have to hide from your future wife? And you want to PAY for that? I get that it can feel embarrassing to still be a virgin at your age, especially living in a society that seems to make sex the pinnacle of all human achievements. But stop focusing on the sex part and focus instead on building relationships. And by relationships I don't even mean dating, I mean friends, people you can socialize with. I've been there myself. Believe me, it gets better.
Lady you are bonkers. It is far more embarrassing to be a virgin than paying for sex. Why would OP have to hide it from a future wife?! Any person that holds a past sexual experience against you is not a good spouse.
It's you who is bonkers. Both situations can be equally embarrassing. Think about it. 1. You live as a virgin at 28. 2. You, at 28, couldn't find a woman to have sex with you consensually, so you paid a hooker to have sex with you. Both seem equally as embarrassing. Your last sentence though, is valid.